"Because of his addiction, he had the attention on him, so I was kind of on the sideline learning to live on my own" by Isabella Monacchio

Description

Hi my name is Bella and I am interviewing my mother Michele, so who was the person this using drugs in your family?
The person using drugs in my family it was my older brother.
So how much older was he?
He is four years older than me.
Did they ever lie about their addiction to any of the members?
He has lied his life in many ways, lying and cheating. I would say in stealing so lying mostly when he was at a younger age that he was just drinking.
Did you or anyone else in your family ever see them misuse drugs?
No the only thing we saw was actually no we never saw him use alcohol or drugs behind closed doors.
And did they ever steal from the family to get money for their addiction?
Yes, very much so right and what were they still well he went to any lengths to get the money he needed for his addiction Jewelry heirlooms cash while it's in the purses I think he my stole a car one time. yeah anywhere that you think that someone could steal or anything
how did their addiction affect your family or our family?
Like when it first started when he was younger, oh well I can start by saying that him he and I being the only two children because of his addiction he had the attention on him so I was kind of on the sideline learning how to live basically on my own at that age I don't know early on probably didn't know until I was like 13 or 14 he had started with alcohol at that point I didn't even know it, so I just thought he was no alcoholic right even though I never saw him drink or use drugs in front of me, but For me that's the biggest affect on me and then for my parents how they're so codependent to him and blind I guess for me I just feel like if it was me like if he different like he was always coddled and it was not right. Him being able to to know that he can just take from them then yeah there's no repercussions right heirlooms great grandmother's wedding ring and sold for drugs. He got like $20 for today, it was a piece of crap that was more important to him because it's almost like they accept his behavior. He's just gonna keep doing it. He lives with them and him just realizing that he's able to do it so Granny just being able to just cope with it in the ways of putting her purse makes it easier on her and just kind of being stuck in the loop and then she'll ask pop for money. Right now to take a Uber to a meeting but he's not taking an uber.
How did their addiction affect your relationship with them?
Well, I was never really close with them anyway like maybe when we're like kids like younger like I'm saying like when I was five cause he started drinking when he was 12 or so before your age gap like I remember like you know, I'm going to Florida and like you know stuff like that go to camp together but then like he did something stupid then it began super early right then when he was in his 30s he got clean for 10 years so then we got kind of close and he would come over and have dinner ever go places together and then he relapsed and that was 10-15 years ago, 15 years ago yeah you were like seven or six and then when I got there and he got clean this time that time for a week two weeks a month so like the longest he was ever sober was like 10 years it was 10 years ago so relationship wise we really don't have one when I tell him to leave Granny and Pop alone alone and stop feeding off of them. Yes because he's just been doing it for so long I was like happy birthday to him. Please go take care of yourself you're 51 like happy birthday 51 free do something with your life and he told me it was a good idea. Thanks for the advice, but then didn't take any action.
how did you cope with the situation of your brother being addicted?
I never got upset about the only thing that I got upset about is Granny and POP having like no house so there's always just that worry like cause he's in the house? I just hear the stories all the time light House set on fire like stupid shit that you don't think it’ll ever happened to you so every day either but I fear but I am going to family and yeah and friends.
Did they ever get into any fights or arguments with family members?
Yes, pop, and when I was young pop and your uncle got in a physical fight. like if I think real hard like to try and picture them but I can remember like how about getting very physical like that's when he was like 16 or 17 he was in high school. Pressed pops buttons and that he was a alcoholic. He pushed my brother to the ground yelling at him. I try and remember but like maybe like 11 or 12 so he was 16 at the time yeah he probably started drinking when he went to high school that's my thought. I blocked a lot of years out.I would hear them screaming all the time and just you know it was just pop and was never granny. But maybe that's why Pop feels like the guilt of like trying to help him at a younger age right and not feeling like he did enough even though you can change it, you can help yourself especially when you're 51 years old, especially knowing that he can do it breaks my heart.
And leading into the next question did anyone try to help them with their addiction?
many times many times like always. the first time it was it this point I don't think he was doing drugs I think he was just drinking I don't wanna say the first time he was 17 yeah and that worked for like two years or something like that and then it lead to cocaine and then it was too . expensive so that lead to the crack. yeah I was trying to help him but Pop gave him money.I mean daddy knows but I can't psychologically figure that out right and make it like I'm an A+ B like giving the money is not equal say no it's not equal him getting better exactly so helping him over and over again for sending him to encouraging like you know but again, if you don't want to be clean and sober, you’re not going to. it won't happen no matter what the person says, or where he is best rehab in the country. If you didn't want to be there the first place. then he had a girlfriend and they broke up and then he started using drugs. It's over stigma regarding substance misuse effects or seeking treatment like if you give mean like if you go to rehab, you'll be better yeah anything yeah I'm not so sure about that. I think that is more than rehab along in a place or institution that focused on mental health and addiction not just addiction because there were underlying mental health issues that have never been addressed, so you know and I think that if he was in a place like that work on both things for him to balance it was just rehab for drugs. Was there anything or anyone who helped you do with the situation my therapist hey therapist and family family it's just since he started so young just seen him do that and be like oh I want to do that looks fun and you could've gone down the same rabbit hole you know but I never saw him that you never saw him do it, not once I never even saw him drink really know he really didn't do it like yes and that's why I think like that not real big grandpa because of his like I could be real we never saw him do it you know second like father, and when he went to rehab the first time he won That was the first time yeah but I don't think that he ever saw like a doctor. I can't regular regular doctor of course but I don't like you never gotcha. Yeah this is kind of a ironic question would you or your family ever help them again that is I kind of ironic because I've been around Him for so many years to him just to know I'm worn out with it like the last time I talk to him that's what I said listen here are you sure do you want mine this is a nothing you know mom and dad are 75 years old. Yeah let them be like oh there's shit out right and he still hasn't done that was three months ago and forgot you know Granny says that he has a job Like which Home Depot she's like oh in Levitown OK I'm gonna go see if I can see him there cause I don't believe he has it. How does he get there? How do you say? How does he do you drop them off and then he walks in like he works there, and then he just the bread and goes Falcons score of bread, do you know if I wasn't till he dies will never believe anything that comes every position and it's a sad, sad situation because it in a different time. Different today he dies. I will never trust one word that comes out of his mouth and he said all the help he can unfortunately he could've had it for this 10 years he was he was playing. He was all about you guys all about you know my name is simone Nephew so I don't know I think he knows he fucked up no cause this self-absorbed free just like he's too far into right now. Yeah he doesn't think he can get out of it now this is his life now I just left my mom and dad they keep giving me money and the better possible is just putting him in rehab and saying by change the locks change something something to rest or something and I have to deal with being in jail and you know what's your face in jail see what that's like an NK until like I rehabilitation program like pray for the homeless or something like that he doesn't know what it's like to have to do that right and that would be a wake up. Call Jay if I can have my parents back and me are giving me money. This is where I would be yeah Now which I think that granny and papa bear afraid to do that anyway because when someone's on drugs again, you can't trust anything they say anything I do so I called Granny every night and make sure everything is good that's why I have to live but you have your own family Plus less is there anything you wish you could go back and change with him just in general just like his addiction in general I know you talked about him going to a mental institution that uses. I wish that like I was older than him right like the roles are reversed because I think I would've known I was in college at that point I would've been more educated about like the system right so I think that would've made a big difference. Granny, Papa Bernard and never educated on anything right this is wrong right yeah yeah yeah I'll pray for it but not as much Granny know about that cause any refs for it and it's been like that since forever yes forever forever but if I could change anything, I would be that like just going back in time and like being older and know what's the best time for you like responsible for him but like you know or we try that psycho Gonna try that now the address and they do that with him and I work for a little while and then you got sober right and that's when he states over for 10 years engine what she do she she helped him and uncle Dick both of them are alcoholic, and aunt shannon is a drug attic Yeah yeah somehow he having a really good one that he was hanging. So I guess over the past like 15 years it's private server one year in total yes, right you know maybe two year right? Because that one Christmas we were all together he was totally sober earlier. I am Amber Yells is there anything you wish you would've said to them last time I talk to him and there's not much else I can say that's it like say can't have you got a leave. Asked to figure out your life you need to get out of there. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah, it actually is a great idea.

Participants

• Isabella Monacchio
  

Interview By

• Laurie Smith