40 Year Old Grandmother

00:00 My name is Jadyn I am 15 years old. Today is November 15, 2022. I'm speaking with Clara Copeland, who is my aunt. I'm recording this interview in her home, Frisco, Texas.

00:10 Hi everyone, my name is Clara. I'm 42 years old. Today is November 15th, 2022 and I'm speaking with Jadyn my niece and I'm recording this interview in my home in Frisco, Texas.

00:21 When did you have your first baby?

00:23 I had my first child when I was 15 years old. I had my first child in August and I was turning 16 in November.

00:32 How many children have you had so far and do you plan on having more? Why or why not?

00:37 I have six kids, five girls, one boy, ages 26, 25, 22, 21, 19 and 11. And no, hell no, I do not plan on having any more kids.

00:54 Why do you not plan on having more kids?

00:57 Because I got my tubes tied after my last daughter, Dylan, and I don't want any more kids because it's a financial burden. It's very expensive to raise kids. I think my time is just up for having kids.

01:10 Can you tell me about how your life changed from your first child to your last?

01:15 I was very young when I had my first child. Like I said, I was 15. I had another one at 17 and got married to my first husband at 18. Right. So after that I had two more kids with my ex husband and divorced him and gotten remarried to your uncle. Had two more kids, Amash and Dylan. And in between all that time I. When I first got pregnant, I dropped out of school, I went back to get my GED when I divorced my first husband, I had went to college, I got a degree and got with my new husband and then had two more kids like I said and started my career. I was a stay at home mom at first because all the kids were so young. And I started my career after that and I've been working pretty much as a risk adjustment manager since then. That's pretty much billing and coding and auditing.

02:12 What have been some of the happiest and proudest moments with your children?

02:15 Some of the happiest moments I've had with my kids. First of all, them being born, each and every last one of them. There was some sad moments as well, but the happiest things was raising them. I'm happy I had them while I was young because we kind of grew up together in a sense also. Watching them grow up was awesome. They all had their different personalities. We had some great times growing up. We Did a lot of things together. And on Sundays we would have a big family day and we would go to like the zoo or the aquarium. We hung out a lot. We would try to do a lot of things that wasn't as expensive as, you know, wasn't really expensive because I had so many kids. So just, you know, just hanging out with them and watching them grow was everything. Each and every last one of them accomplished something at some point. My oldest daughter graduated from college. She graduated with a bachelor's degree. My son is a musician. Pretty much any instrument he touches, he can play self taught. My two middle kids made me a grandma at 40. I love my baby grandbabies so much. Luca is my grandson, well, one of my grandsons. And I have Riley. Big fine Riley, that's what I call her. And now we have baby Lennox who was born on my mom's birthday. And my daughter Ma. She graduated from high school recently, last year.

03:43 What was your living experience like when all of your kids were still living together? Was it hectic? Crowded.

03:50 So when me and my current husband got together, my kids were all small and we couldn't really afford a big house at the time. So we were all in like a three be bedroom apartment. So it got a little crowded sometimes. But they were little so it wasn't too bad. But after that we moved into a four bedroom, three and a half bath house. We bought a house. We were in our 20s, we bought a house and you know, the kids had their own space then. So it wasn't really hectic, it just was busy. We always had something to do. The kids played sports, they had other extracurricular activities. So it was kind of a busy life. Just overall.

04:29 Is there any other like strange stories?

04:33 Yes. Maj was the youngest at the time, before I had Dylan. And all the kids would get together and turn off the lights and play hide Maji. So sometimes it would be loud and a ruckus, but they will always hide her and it's like kind of like hide and seek, you know, one person hide Maj and everybody have to look for her. So I always thought that was weird that they used to do that. But she was the smallest so I guess that made sense.

04:58 That's so interesting and hilarious. Even as a grandmother, what would you want your kids to pass on to their kids? And when did you have your first grandchild?

05:09 I had my first grandchild when, like I said before I was 40. Definitely traditions that family is first, I think passing on core traditions about, you know, spending time with one another, always being in their life. Family vacations, you know, of course, education. That's major. Also, just wanting to. Wanting them to be raised in love, you know, and know that they have an extension outside of their parent, knowing that they have me and their grandfather to love on them and take care of them and spend time with them, especially with the grandkids since they're involved now. This is going to be their. Pretty much their second Christmas and Lennox's first Christmas. So I want to, you know, make it fun for them, even though they're young, want to do fun things, bake cookies also, you know, Christmas time. And like I said, Christmas time is coming, so we'll all have our stockings and they'll be able to decorate their stockings.

06:15 Okay. What was your reaction when you first found out you're pregnant? When you're taking the test, when did you start realizing you were pregnant?

06:23 I realized I was pregnant because I missed my cycle. And I was scared to death. Just a kid myself, really terrified. I went to, like, this doctor's office, made an appointment and went to the doctor's office, and he told me I was pregnant. And I cried, cried, cried, cried constantly. I was so terrified. So I went to tell my children's father that I was pregnant. And he. He was kind of happy about it, even though we were so young and I wasn't brave enough to tell my parents. So I got him to tell my parents.

06:57 How did that go?

06:58 That was awful. My dad disowned me, actually. He wouldn't talk to me. He really did. He really disowned me. I went to live with my mom at the time because my mom and dad had divorced. My dad was so upset, embarrassed, hurt, just everything. And, you know, that's to be expected. Who wants their young child to become pregnant? My mom was really upset, sad. She cried, and also, you know, but they both came around and helped me out and, you know, loved their grandkids, of course. But it was a real. A real sad moment in our family.

07:47 In your school life, were you embarrassed? How did your friends react? How did your. I know your cousins were like sisters to you. How did your sisters and cousins. How did everybody react?

08:01 Okay, so my sister right under me is probably the second person that I told, and she punched me in my stomach immediately. And she was like, I hope you're lying. You better be lying. You know? And I wasn't. And she was sad. Everybody was just like, wow. You know, it was like a weird silence, awkward moments. I don't know. My friends, like, my cousins. I grew up with your mom. She was very supportive, helped me out as much as she could. We hung out a lot. It changed a lot in my life. I couldn't go and do a lot of things that I wanted to do as a kid because I'm still a kid. But, you know, I had to take my lick, put my big girl panties on, you know, and become a mother. And just I went to get my. Like I said, with my two young ones, my mom will help when she can. But I went to school and I worked at night.

09:16 That was such an enlightening story.

09:20 Thank you.

09:21 Enlightening story. Wait, I'll choose whichever one is right. So, Titi, I heard from the. From the community that you had. You were completely unaware that you were pregnant with your second child.

09:46 Yeah.

09:47 So when did. When did you get pregnant? When did you realize you were pregnant?

09:51 So I had Jaylen. I got pregnant with Jaylen right after armani. They're only 11 months apart. I didn't know I was pregnant. Excuse me. I had my cycle for the whole time I was pregnant, which was seven months. And I didn't know I was pregnant until six and a half months. So almost seven months. Went to the doctor, they told me I was pregnant. And it seemed like as soon as I found out I was pregnant myself, stomach got huge all of a sudden. I didn't have any stomach before and my stomach just got huge all of a sudden. And I didn't realize it because I. You know, it's the enigma of because you don't have a cycle. I mean, because you have a cycle that you're not pregnant. But I was pregnant and had a cycle for seven months.

10:53 How was your reaction when this happened and how was your husband's reaction at the time?

10:58 I was not married at the time. I. My reaction was I was terrified. I went into labor. My mom was upset, sad, disappointed. I had him at seven months. Still a very. I think he came out 7 pounds, 10 ounces. So still a nice sized baby. Healthy still. Thank God. But yeah, I didn't know. It was the weirdest thing. I wish they had that TV show, Teen Mom. Not only Teen mom, but I didn't know I was pregnant because I could have really went on there because I definitely didn't know I was pregnant.

11:42 Wow. So interesting thing. So, Clara Copeland.

11:49 Oh, gosh.

11:51 You had six kids? There were. One is 26 currently and the other is 11. When. When your oldest children were realizing that you were having more children, what was their reaction to each of the kids?

12:07 Well, I didn't really notice a huge. Excuse me, a huge reaction until my last two. When they found out that I was pregnant with Maj, they got so upset. I think Armani cried. Armani is my oldest daughter. She cried. They were really upset and distraught about it because they didn't want any more siblings. Also, when I found out I was pregnant with Dylan, I was kind of upset because I didn't want any more kids at the time. And it was such an age gap. It was eight years. It's eight years in between Dylan and Maj. So when they found out about that, Maj used to say she was going to push Dylan down on the floor. And my oldest daughter was upset again. Mom, why are you having another baby? And they used to threaten to hurt Dylan. With Dylan before she was born, mainly Armani and Maj, the other kids were okay. It was just the brat side of the group. They were upset about me having another kid. But when she came, of course they loved her. And she's spoil rotten by all of her siblings. They love her so much. So it was mainly just the last two that the, you know, they were kind of upset when I got pregnant because when the other ones were kind of. They were all young at the same time, you know, so Dylan is the one with the huge age gap. So that's pretty much it on that they were just, you know, a little upset.

13:54 Okay. When you found out your daughter was pregnant, how old was she and when did it click that you were going to be a grandmother?

14:03 My daughter was 20 when she found out she was pregnant. I thought it was kind of foolish for her to go down the same road I did. Even though she was much older than I was, I felt like she should have focused on herself, school, life, traveling, you know, but she didn't so pretty much have to go with the flow. We. I think it really didn't hit me until her baby shower because I had to buy all kind of stuff. I was so excited. Or no, maybe the gender reveal. She had a gender reveal. And I was so excited to find out it was a boy because we had so many girls in the family. I had five girls, so we had so many girls in the family. So I was so excited to find out it was a boy. And I was so happy to buy boy stuff. And I think I kind of went crazy financially, so trying to buy things for him. I was so excited then. Probably the best moment was being in the delivery room with him. I've never cried when I gave birth to any of my kids, but I've cried With each one of my grandkids.

15:11 She's a tough woman.

15:13 Yeah. So just seeing him come out and being there to support my daughter was awesome and probably one of the best experiences I've experienced. Experience. You love him so much.

15:24 I do.

15:25 You spoil him just as much as we do.

15:28 I think we all spoil him a bit too much.

15:32 Definitely.

15:33 But equally.

15:34 Yeah, we do. We do. And then we have Lennox, her baby brother. So my little Lennox. He was born on my mom's birthday, October 21st. He's the baby of them all. Riley's baby brother. And her first reaction to him was to push him. She did not like him. She did not want to love on him. She tried to hit him with her bottle. She's coming around a little bit, but she is. He's a cute little baby boy. He has long legs. He doesn't have as much hair as Luca and Riley, but he has a little bit of hair. He's so cute, though. Precious. Just a sweet little baby.

16:17 Riley was about six months. Her mother actually revealed to me and her, some of her other siblings that she was pregnant again. Can you tell me about your reaction to that? How did you feel? Was it upsetting? Was it a happy moment?

16:35 I knew before you guys knew, she told me. I was kind of upset about it. But she's an adult. She's 21. I didn't want her to have another baby. I felt like she wasn't prepared mentally, financially, to have another baby. But she did. But, you know, we all make choices and we have to deal with them. So it's not really too much you can do. You make your bed, you have to lay in it.

16:58 Inspirational. As a grandmother, do you want your children to have as many kids as you had, or would you rather them have less? Why or why not?

17:06 I would say as a mother, I would want my kids to have less children. Times are different. Times are harder. Things are more expensive. Even to rent an apartment is really expensive. Clothes, food, everything is so, so much more expensive now. And not only that, but living in the world today is horrid. It's so much hate. It's so much crime. It's so much just everything. You know, when I think about it, it was one of those things, like not being a mother. You don't have to think about it, but when you become a mother, it's like you can't protect your kids from the things that happen in the world. You can't protect them from bullies. You can try, but, you know, that type of stuff happens. You know, you can't protect them from heartache. They're going to fall in love, their heart is going to get broken. Can't control that. You know, in most cases nowadays, you can't control the narrative in your kid's life. So I would tell them, don't bring kids into this world the way it is. Especially if you're not financially stable, you're not married, you know, those things are important, you know, so I would say no, don't have as many kids.

18:21 If you were to do it all over again, a fresh restart button and you were aware that you would potentially have six kids in the future, would you do it all over again?

18:32 No. I love my kids to death, but I don't think I would have any kids. Just knowing how the world is today. I wouldn't, I would not bring one child into this world. I just think it's almost immoral that, you know, kids are being born in this day and age with the world the way it is. It's just tough, you know, thinking about the finances. And I think the only way I would have kids, I wouldn't definitely have them young. I would wait till I've lived my life and then had kids once I got married. Not, I would not be a teenage mother. I love to travel. So just thinking about it, even though I travel with my kids now, I would just do so much more. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young, you know, and I could not. I felt like I couldn't accomplish that because of my life and the life that I chose. I don't blame my life or me having kids on anybody but me because you know, I did it. I take accountability for that. But your life change in so many ways that it's unimaginable in a sense. It's those things like even if you don't want to be responsible, you have to be responsible because these kids are looking to their mother.

19:47 It's truly inspired me. This is Jadyn Holt, this is Clara Copeland and this was 40 year old grandmother.