"After a while, he chose liquor over us..." by Anthony Leto
Recorded November 1, 2022 Archived November 1, 2022 08:13 minutes
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DescriptionAnthony: Who was the person misusing drugs in your family?
Anonymous: So the person that was misusing drugs in my family was my ex step-dad
Anthony: Did they ever lie about their addiction to any of that family member?
Anonymous: They never lied about their addiction during our relationship, however
after rehab he continued to lie about not using alcohol
Anthony: Did you or anyone else in your family see them misuse drugs?
Anonymous: On a daily basis. He would come home from work and drink about half a
handle of Tito’s and throughout like Father’s Day and stuff we would all get him Tito’s
before we realized it was truly a addiction.
Anthony: Did they ever steal from the family to get money for their addiction?
Anonymous: I don’t know if it is technically stealing, but my mother and my ex
step-father had a joint bank account so his money like their money was used for the
Anthony: How did their addiction affect your family?
Anonymous: So their addiction affected my family because after a while he chose liquor
over us and we had tried to get him to go to rehab for so many years. And he just refused
to go to rehab until it was basically over for my mother and him and um and when he
was forced out of our home by the cops he was sent to a mental facility and then
transferred to a rehab center.
Anthony: How did their addiction affect your relationship with them?
Anonymous: So me and my stepdad were very close he basically was my father, um and
when he was drinking he would say uh hurtful things to me about my actual birth father
and when I would go visit him in rehab, everything was fine. During rehab everything
was fine. After rehab for about a year, everything was okay. And then once I told my
mother some of the secrets he has told me, when he was drunk, he basically disowned
me and didn’t want anything to do with me.
Anthony: How did you cope with the situation?
Anonymous: I don’t know if I really coped. I kinda just had to be there for my sisters
more than like I could be there for myself because my sisters are so much younger than
me and my mom was losing her husband and it affected my sisters at the same time so I
kinda had to be there for all of them and support them.
Anthony: Did they ever get into any fights or arguments with family members?
Anonymous: Um all the time. It was pretty constant fights between my mom and him
like it happened almost every single night. We would question what it was going to be
about every night and they would fight with my sisters a lot, like he would fight with my
sisters a lot when he was drunk so.
Anthony: Did anyone try to help them with their addiction?
Anonymous: Um his really good friend was an alcoholic and he got help and went to
rehab and um is a recovering alcoholic and they took him in when he had to leave our
house, they tried to help him all they could. When he was in rehab they brought us to the
rehab facility to visit him, but after a while he was using alcohol in their home so he was
kicked out of their home.
Anthony: Did stigma regarding substance misuse affect their seeking treatment? Or did
it affect friends and family from helping? If so how?
Anonymous: Um... um I mean can you clarify the question?
Anthony: We’ll come back to it
Anthony: Was there anything or anyone who helped you deal with the situation?
Anonymous: Yes, so my aunt on my mothers side oh my fathers side, helped me deal
with the situation because when they were younger my mom and my this women named
Kristen were best friends and they just happened to marry brothers, and I’m talking
about my father here, and um well when my mother got divorced from my father she
still had Kristen and then Kristen knew my whole entire family. So like she knew how
Georgre treated me, she knew the relationship between George and I had. So it was
easier to go talk to her because she wouldn’t pick a side, she just knew just straight from
the jump like how I felt about George and how my mom's feelings would affect if I would
went to go talk to my mom about it.
Anthony: Would you or your family ever help them again?
Anonymous: Probably not, like my nonna has lost her son to drugs, she lost her son to
heroin. And so my nonna doesn’t really have remorse for people who are alcoholics or
drug addicts and with the hurt they put my family through I don’t think that they would
ever be able to um come back into our lives and they have tried to come back into my life
but it’s hard for me to trust them the way I did when there was just so much damage.
Anthony: Is there anything you wish you could go back and change?
Anonymous: Probably not, because everything that I have went through with him and
my whole entire family has helped me become who I am today even though it only
happened a few years ago it has made me stronger as an individual and realize that
people do need help and sometimes their not always gonna go and get the help they
need right away
Anthony: Have they regained you or your family's trust at all?
Anonymous: Never, he will never regain my trust and he will never regain my family's
trust. Um he’s tried dropping my sisters off to my mom and abandoning them so like
there will never ever be the trust back.
Anthony: Was there anything that stuck with you throughout the experience?
Anonymous: Um... what stuck with me throughout the experience is that rehabs suck.
Like going through the rehab facilities they’re so sad and just like everyone has a story of
how they got there and why they’re there and who they want to be there for and so like it
really it really is so sad seeing all them there but it’s a good experience if they actually
want to help themselves. Unlike my stepdad, he went back to drinking as soon as he got
out of rehab, any second he could. So, I mean it wasn’t, I have no remorse for him but I
have remorse for the other people that actually wanted to better themselves.
Anthony: Was there anything that restricted him from getting help?
Anonymous: Himself. He did not want to go get, he did not want to go get help. He just
wanted to do what he wanted on his time, he wanted to go to work, and his work fully
um it was covered to like if he needed to go to rehab and he’s just the only reason and if
he went to rehab sooner we could’ve still been a family but he decided to chose the
liquor over us.