Alex Swerdloff and Victoria "Vicky" Swerdloff

[00:07] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Oh. My name is Alex. I am 22 years old. Today is Wednesday, August 17, 2022. I'm here in Boise, Idaho, with my mom, vicki.

[00:20] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: I'm vicki swerdloff. I'm 54 years old. Today is Wednesday, August 17, 2022. We're in Boise, Idaho. I'm here with Alex, and Alex is my daughter. And, alex, I wanted just to talk to you about just your next phase. You just graduated from college, and I feel like this is. We're hitting a new transition. You're going to be going to New York in a week here. And my question was what. What do you think you'll take with you from Boise, from growing up in Boise? And what are you most looking forward to?

[01:02] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah. I can't believe I'm moving away. I can't believe I'm done with college. I think growing up in Idaho made me more open minded in a way, which is funny because you think of Idaho sometimes. Like, we've talked about this. Idaho is. Some of the things we don't like about Idaho is that it's kind of remote. And sometimes it can feel like there's not much difference or as much diversity as we would like and that it's not as open minded as we would like. But I think growing up and feeling different from other people because, you know, I'm gay and our family, like, even dad's Jewish. And even though that wouldn't be a big deal anywhere else, it was a big deal in Idaho. I think growing up like that made me think about what it's like to be different and made me think more deeply about social justice and why that's important, being in a place where it is so important that I might not have had to think about it had we stayed in Seattle or had I grown up in somewhere like California or somewhere like New York. And I think it makes me more grateful for places that are different and that are more accepting, like being away at college and. And being in New York, which is so different from Idaho. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for that. I think it's made me appreciative of nature to being so close to the mountains and being right on a river. I think that's something that I always miss when I'm away.

[02:35] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: I have kind of the same feeling you do. When we moved here, I was so worried about being some place that was so. Everyone was so similar, and we were so far from the coasts. But it's interesting because so much of we have a city where we all have to live together and I've actually been exposed to more diverse thought than I was in Los Angeles. And I appreciate that, that I've had to listen to other, you know, the way other people's views that I might have shut out had I been somewhere where it was bigger and I could just congregate with the same like minded people. So I'm gonna be curious to see what that's gonna be like for you when you go to New York and if you get that opportunity to see even more diversity or if you end up just kind of in the same group.

[03:34] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah, I'm really excited to be. Yeah. To be in a very different place, but with, like, the. Having grown up in Idaho and having this. Yeah, this basis.

[03:50] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: So you don't feel. You don't regret having grown up here?

[03:54] ALEX SWERDLOFF: No. I think, you know, I think sometimes when I'm here, it's easy to get frustrated with Idaho, with the politics or with some of the people. But I think I. I don't know. I think it's made me who I am. Like, I think it's given me appreciation for Idaho and for places that aren't Idaho. And I think it's made. Yeah, I think if we can make living here nice and find open minded people here, I think we can find people we can connect with anywhere, which I think has given me hope. How do you feel about having moved here?

[04:28] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: I feel like that, too. I feel like if we can make a home and a place where you feel like the other. I don't look like the other here. I mean, I look a lot like somebody. And you don't either. No, but we feel different. You know, it feels like I'm the other here, and I've never been like that somewhere. So it's been really good for me, I think, in that way, is to feel. To be kind of the outside. It is uncomfortable sometimes, and I think that's been a good learning experience for me. Like I said, it's opened my up to viewpoints that I might not have been willing to listen to. And maybe again, in our country, that's probably. We all need to do that anyway, right. And not just shut out people whose views we might not agree with, but I do. I'm excited for you that you get to go somewhere where there's going to be just vibrant, different place. But, yeah, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that you guys had such a safe place to grow up with so much outdoor time and exploration. I remember you guys with that pond across the street that you guys would play in and I remember just the amount of freedom you had, and I feel grateful for that.

[05:53] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Me, too. I remember some of my favorite memories of my childhood are just biking places, like biking to school and to the library. I used to spend a lot of time, I still spend a lot of time at the Boise public library. And just being able to, like, bike everywhere, which, on the flip side, I'm excited now to live in a place where moving to New York and being able to walk everywhere is super exciting. And I think I'll appreciate that. Having lived, Boise's somewhat walkable, but not quite as much as New York. It's quite hilly, and I used to walk home from school. It was a very long and uphill walk. So I'm excited to live in a city where everything is so close and everything is so, and there's public transportation, but I'll definitely miss, I'll miss biking down to the Boise public library.

[06:37] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Yeah, that was. Oh, I know. I miss those. I'm so glad we have the library. I'm so glad for libraries, period. Any questions you want to ask me?

[06:51] ALEX SWERDLOFF: I guess you mentioned being able to, being appreciative of other viewpoints and, you know, that experience of living in Idaho, do you have a specific time that comes to mind, a specific memory of that?

[07:10] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Well, you know, I'm part of that running group. I run with this group of ladies who are about my age, and we all do these races, and we are all come from different parts of the country, and we all have different views. And it's. I remember when, during the Trump election, when I just assumed everybody voted the same way, and then somebody announced that they had voted for Trump. And I knew this person really well, and I had to stop and really listen instead of just saying, that's crazy, why would you do that? But that was one of the first times I realized that this was my friend, and I had to give them an opportunity to listen. And so I appreciate, again, I appreciate those opportunities. I think that opens my mind. You know, it reminds me, too, of when I was your age. I graduated in 1990, and we were kind of in a recession, so jobs were a little tough to come by. And so I did. I took an opportunity to teach in English in Germany, and I lived with my grandma and that, and it was so I had to live in a different country and work in a different country. And it was, for me, that was really mind blowing, too, and mind opening, because here I was, again, an outsider, right. That place that wasn't comfortable for me. And it was very interesting. They had very different ideas about just relationships, too, at that point. I was raised pretty conservative, and so. But, you know, in Germany, every people, young people lived together when they were dating or they lived at home and lived together. I mean, it was just such a different way to interact and that I wasn't used to. And, I don't know, it was very mind opening and exciting for me.

[09:07] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Do you feel like that was part of what I've always thought? It's really impressive that, you know, you grew up in from a pretty conservative background and yet became like, you're such an open minded and accepting person. And I think that there are a lot of people who come from that background and don't end up that way. So do you feel like your experiences in Germany, both as a young child and as.

[09:29] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Yeah, I think. I definitely think that. I definitely, and I wasn't. I didn't, you know, my, the conservative part of me came from my stepmom, who was raised as very catholic, and that was from age nine on. But before that, I'd been raised in Germany, and where I would say it was just. There were just different. There were just different mores. Right. And so I think I took that with me. And so even though most of my formative years were in a conservative area, I had still that background of there is a different way to live in the world. I don't know. I think, Alex, you're kind of similar to. You're very empathetic toward people, and I think when you feel what people are feeling, it's hard to be too judgmental. Right. Because it's easier for you to put yourself. I feel like you're that way. You're able to put yourself in people's shoes.

[10:34] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think I find it hard to see that anyone could, like, talk to someone and listen to someone and not feel that a little bit. But I don't know. I think that is something that our family is good at. Like, I think we're all good listeners, and I think we're all. We've all learned to be empathetic.

[10:52] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I find that, too. I think that we're all a little. Little feelies sometimes.

[11:01] ALEX SWERDLOFF: It's hard.

[11:04] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Are you concerned at all about going to do your job in New York and with this big heart you have and feeling overwhelmed at all, like, with what you've got on your plate to do there?

[11:17] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah, I think I'm a little nervous. I'm doing, like, a service year working with homeless older people in New York. And I think it's something I've kind of done before, you know, volunteering and something you've also done. We've both volunteered with the Idaho food bank. And I think I find that those kind of experiences really, I think if I'm not doing them, I feel. I feel like it's something I have to do because it feels very. It feels very fulfilling. It feels kind of necessary for society. But I think it's also going to be sad and overwhelming. Sometimes it's hard to see a problem and not be able to fix it. We've talked a lot about your experiences as a young teacher, and I think that's probably a similar experience of seeing these people, whether they're young people or older people, and being able to help a little, but not all the way. Yeah.

[12:18] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: And I wish I had known that when I had that job. When I was teaching. I was teaching in Reston, Virginia, and I taught at a school that had some really. Just some kids that were just dealing with some really hard economic and emotional issues. And I was feeling. I felt quite overwhelmed. I felt like I couldn't handle it all by myself. But looking back at my 54 year old self, looking back at my 25 year old self, that I would tell myself that a little bit goes a long way. Just one person, and there's been studies on this one person in a child's life that's consistent and available, makes a difference. And so, yes, no, you may not be able to solve the deep societal issues that are part of it, but just having one kind person show someone some nurturing is, I think, really powerful. You've seen that, too, with some of the work that we've done. And so, yeah, I always just so remind. Maybe I'll have to. I'll need to call and remind you sometimes. I don't know. Maybe I don't. You seem very capable of doing this.

[13:32] ALEX SWERDLOFF: I think it's also, I just feel so grateful that even when we're not in the same state or city, I can always call you and dad and my sisters. And I think that makes it easier to go out and do hard things and go to school out of state and to, you know, take this big adventure and do take a job that's kind of difficult but still have. Have you guys to rely on.

[13:53] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Oh, I love your friends. I appreciate that, Alex. I think that really means a lot to me. Thank you. I was hoping that that's what we were providing. It is scary to be out in the world without support.

[14:07] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah. Is there any I guess maybe advice isn't the right word, but things you hope. I remember as I, you know, as I'm at this point in my life and I'm about to move out.

[14:20] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Gosh, I guess that idea that we're there for, that you always have our support. I think that's important to remember that. I also think it's important to remember this is a transition. I think sometimes these, like going off to college or, you know, graduating, getting your first job or moving out house. I think those are really exciting times. But they're also, they're nerve wracking, too, because you have to figure out all this stuff on your own or percept a lot of on your own. And I just think, give yourself grace to do that and patience, and sometimes you'll stumble and you'll make a mistake, and that's okay.

[15:03] ALEX SWERDLOFF: That's good to hear. I. The transitions have been exciting, but also tough. And you know that we've talked a lot about that.

[15:11] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Yeah. And I don't think you're alone in that. I remember those times really stick in my mind again. Like, going to college was stressful for me. My parents were kind of done with me, and so that was really stressful. And going to Germany, even though I was with my grand, my friend Robin and I ended up living with my grandmother, it was still, like, it was still a little stressful. Just be in this new country. But it really. Those memories are cemented because they were so formative. I think this will be the same. And look. Yeah, you did. You did college during a pandemic. I mean, you made. You were able to live on campus and make it work. That's. I think you can do anything. You can do that.

[15:55] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Thanks, mom.

[16:04] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: What's your favorite memory of home?

[16:19] ALEX SWERDLOFF: I think, oh, my gosh, so many are coming to mind. I mean, I think any time. There are so many memories I have with my sisters and with the other kids who lived in our neighborhood, of us just making our own fun, usually outdoors, and just, like, the crazy things we would do. We would go and catch frogs in the pond in our neighborhood or just, like, bike places together or invent. My two younger sisters are very, very creative and just inventing things and making all these crazy pictures we have of us doing various in various getups and things that I'm not even sure what we were doing in retrospect.

[17:02] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Now, it's funny because I'll come across those. I'll come across those videos that you guys made. The hunger, I think you guys reenacted the Hunger games at some point. And they always make me laugh.

[17:13] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah, I think those memories make me really happy. I think sometimes I didn't appreciate that we didn't watch a ton of tv or there was limited screens invented at that point in our childhood. But I think I appreciate that now that it made us invent our own fun. And having so much like a neighborhood that is so close to the foothills and has all these little natural spots to explore as kids, I think that. That and all these other kids on our street that we could just go out and do fun, creative things with. I think I really appreciated that.

[17:49] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: It was fun watching you guys do those things, too. Was there any part of your life that's different than you now that you. Than you would have imagined? Like, is this the future you imagined? Is it different than you imagined?

[18:05] ALEX SWERDLOFF: I think all of the surprises pretty much have been good surprises. Like, I think in high school, I felt like I had trouble making really good, close friends. I think, you know, I had a few people I'm still in touch with, but I think I felt just very, very different. I think partially because I was gay and I figured I loved the jewish community, but it was really small, and Idaho can feel very small at times. Even though boise high was great. And I think being able to go away to college, to a college that was very liberal, and with people all across the country and people who I really connected with, and having this really close group of friends now, I think that would have surprised me in a good way. I think that would have made me really happy, because I think that's something that I always wanted. And so I'm very happy that I was able to find that and have friends who will come and visit me in idaho, too. And being able to share the things that I love about Idaho with the people that I found elsewhere, I think that makes me really happy.

[19:12] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: I'm always surprised at what life has. I would never have expected that we would end up here and spend 20 years here and more. It just. It's exciting to think that life can be like that. Like, you can do all this planning and preparing, and then you end up in this place. That's so not what you expected. And you have a. Make a beautiful life in it. It's. Yeah, it makes me happy to think that that can happen in life.

[19:44] ALEX SWERDLOFF: If you could talk to your younger self at the start of this, like, about to move from Seattle to Idaho, what would you. Is there anything you would tell her?

[19:59] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: I don't know. I think I was really I mean, I was. I think I would say to her, be open to experiencing it all. Like, just embrace the Idaho. And I think we did that. You know, we did the camping and the mountain biking and the. And just. And like I said, being open minded to this idea of the do your own thing, you know, west mentality and that, I think, yeah, it enriched my life in ways I couldn't have expected.

[20:38] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Yeah.

[20:39] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: It made me less. I guess judge is the word about people's views, because I think where you come from really colors how you look at the world. And unless you've been to other places, you can't. It's hard. You shouldn't really probably judge people's perceptions, their ideas. Is that being too judgy? It's really hard. We never judge. Just a little bit. If this. I love this question. If this was our last conversation, what would you want to tell me?

[21:35] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Oh, my gosh. No pressure. I think I've said this before, but just that I'm so grateful for everything. Yeah, you do. For our family. And, yeah, you're a great mom. And I think, you know, there's always, like, obviously, no family is perfect, and there's always. It's always like, sometimes we fight and sometimes everything's great. But I think, yeah. I'm just so grateful for you and especially knowing that, you know, just the more I hear about what it was like for you growing up, the even more grateful I am, because I think be a great mom no matter where you came from. But I think especially knowing that you. You didn't have that except for your grandparents growing up. I think I'm very grateful that you've been able to give that to me and my sisters. Yeah. A better childhood than you had.

[22:31] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: Oh, Alex, that's so sweet. Thank you. I appreciate you. I think you guys have made it really easy for me.

[22:37] ALEX SWERDLOFF: That is not true.

[22:39] VICTORIA SWERDLOFF: We have not made it easy. Oh, I love you.

[22:44] ALEX SWERDLOFF: Oh. And I love.