Angel [no last name given] and Diann Kayah

[00:06] DIANE KAYA: My name is Diane Kaya. I'm 68 years old. Today's date is Saturday, November 16, 2019, and we're here at StoryCorps in Atlanta. My partner today is Angel and we just met recently and I'm her interviewer.

[00:27] ANGEL: My name is Angel and I am 36 years old. Today's date is Saturday, November 16, 2019, and I am here at StoryCorps Milena with Diana. And I'm happy to be here.

[00:41] DIANE KAYA: So tell me what brings you here and what you'd like to share about your life.

[00:47] ANGEL: Well, what brings me here is I want to share finding the silver lining out of any situation that you go through in life. And we're coming near to the holidays, and sometimes it's the most difficult time for some people, especially if you're, you know, from out of state. But I want to talk a little bit about my life, and I'll start in the beginning. I grew up a little bit poor. It wasn't the best situation. But I do remember a lot of happy moments that I had, especially spending time with my grandmother at her house for Easter and Thanksgiving. But some of the bad moments were my parents. They fought and argued a whole lot. So that took a toll on me throughout my childhood, especially high school and coming into high school, it was pretty difficult because of my parents, as I stated, but also because high school was like a fashion show, which is funny because I studied fashion in college. But in high school it was like a big fashion show and I didn't understand why it was so superficial. My last year of high school, I had a boyfriend. And this boyfriend and I like, we were coming near toward the end of the school year and he had a friend. His friend would tell me things about my boyfriend, like things like he was doing. He was going over other girls houses and things like that. And so this guy, he would tell me, you know, the things he's doing and make him seem like my boyfriend was a bad guy. So I kind of ended it with my boyfriend, found out that this guy, he was telling me one thing and then telling other people other things. But me and the guy, we got a little bit closer. And then later on I found out he was telling his friend a completely different story. So that was like the most difficult time of my high school. What I went through was finding out that this guy is like lying to me and telling other people other stories and giving me like a, you know, a good image of how things were. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I didn't know that he was going and telling all these girls or telling all his friends different things. So that was kind of difficult to deal with. But I moved on from that situation. And what I learned is be careful of the type of person that you fall for, you know, and just be mindful. They could be telling half the truth, but not always. You know, just be mindful of that situation. So after I graduated from high school, I went to college, and I loved it because I didn't have to deal with my family anymore. My parents, who were going through a divorce at that time, and I was away from high school and the big fashion show that was going on there. And so in college, I got to explore, like, who I was. And I became saved at that point. My first year in college, and I was excited. I was, like, fully into church and going to Bible study, and I hung around a group of people, people who were Christians. Eventually, I kind of stopped hanging out with them because I was kind of turned off about the lack of love that they had toward each other and toward other people. And I felt like out of all the things that the Bible says, I think the most important thing is, you know, love. The Bible mentions love and how you should love everyone. So I kind of got away from that situation. And then about around my last quarter of college, I needed a course to take, and so I decided to take yoga. And I fell in love. Like, after my first class, I walked out of the classroom, and it was almost like everything was once black and white, and now it is in color. And I could focus, like, everything. There was noise around me. There were people walking around around me, But I was there in the moment, and it's like the world was brighter for me. So that kind of, like, brought me into this world of yoga and meditation, and I absolutely loved it. After I graduated from college, I moved here to Georgia. I had a pretty difficult time adjusting to life here. I got engaged, then later got married. And I don't really want to talk about the marriage in detail, but what I will say is that when you combine your life with someone, you should make sure that you fully love yourself first. I think that's the most important thing. And the things that I take from the marriage are my beautiful children. I have two children. And I was able to see the world when I was married. And sometimes, sometimes not, everything works out, and that's fine. You don't expect that in the beginning, you know, when you get married, but things don't work out as you plan, and that's fine. Going through the divorce was very difficult, and I had a very horrible lawyer, and the whole situation was very difficult and very stressful. That.

[06:33] DIANE KAYA: It sounds like you've been doing a lot of heavy lifting in your life on your own, including through the divorce.

[06:41] ANGEL: Yes.

[06:43] DIANE KAYA: Who was with you as your support, or have you learned survival skills along the way?

[06:50] ANGEL: Well, through the divorce, I had friends who helped me out through that. My parents. They actually showed up, and I was very surprised. I'm very thankful for that and thankful for the friends that helped me out, because while I was going through the divorce, I got fired from several jobs because my son, who has. He has sickle cell beta thalassemia. So he's hospitalized several times. So that was a difficult to go through, but having the support of people really helped me through. And the second time that he was hospitalized, it was because he had a cold, just a regular cold, and he had to get a blood transfusion. So that was the second blood transfusion that he had to get. And after that is when I really woke up and I was like, I have to make some massive changes. So after my divorce was finalized, I was still stressed out and everything, but I'm like, I have to get this together. And I decided to look into more natural remedies because the doctors don't really recommend natural remedies. They tend to only recommend the thing, you know, the medicines that, you know, when he's sick, you know, things that will help him. But I was wondering, like, what helps to boost his immune system? How can I keep him healthy? So I found out a lot of different things, like elderberry and olive oregano and things like that, and keeping him out of daycares, that definitely helped him. And not only was I working on his health, but I was also learning how to love myself again and learning how to push myself, because that's not something that I was raised to do. My parents didn't really push me to, you know, do different activities and things like that. So that was difficult at that time.

[08:52] DIANE KAYA: Was the yoga and meditation still a part of your practice, your daily practice?

[08:59] ANGEL: At that time? When I was going through my. In the beginning of the divorce, it was not a part of the practice. But around this time, when my son. After he got sick, then that time, I started to meditate because I was talking to my sister one day and she was telling me, like, okay, well, you know, you have to learn how to calm your mind. You know, things are going to be crazy things. You know, people are going to say things, things are going to happen. But you have to learn how to calm your mind. So at that point is when I got back into yoga. In the years that I was married and, you know, the beginning of the divorce, I stopped doing everything. I stopped practicing yoga and stopped, you know, going to church and things like that. I lost interest in a lot of things that I once did. So it was good to finally hear that from my sister to get back into practicing yoga. And I began to say positive affirmations, which helped me tremendously, because a lot of things that I was saying, I didn't believe in the beginning. I'm like, okay, I'm saying these things, and I don't really believe that. But as I. The more that I said these things, like, I love my life. I'm happy. I'm, you know, beautiful. I'm filled with joy. I started to believe those things. And I came across the program. It's called K Money Mastery. It's created by this guy. His name is Stephen James. And I wrote him an email, and I told him about my situation, about my son, how he's in the hospital, and my grandmother also had recently died. And so going through all these things, and I felt like, you know, it was just one thing after another. And I'm talking to him and I hear his story, and he, you know, came from. He had some struggles in his life. And the things that I took from that email that when he wrote me back were when he told me to be resourceful. And I think that's the most important thing because, like, I wasn't in the beginning. And I guess. I guess unconsciously, I had been in college. You know, I hustled. I had three jobs and going to school full time. I learned how to be resourceful, to graduate and, you know, pay all my bills and things like that. But along the way, I kind of lost that. So hearing or reading that email from him, that helped to ignite that flame inside me. And so I decided to take the course, the K. Money Mastery course, and I learned how to publish ebooks. And I have published a total of five ebooks, but three of them are children's books, which are inspired by my own children and inspired by lots of children and men and women who are killed today for no reason. Like the young man in Florida. I was very, very hurt by his death. It was a black boy, and he was, like, 16 or 17, and he got shot by someone walking down the street. And he was wearing a hood. But that situation, all those situations are very sad. But that one touched my heart the most. Because I have two boys, two black boys, and my five year old is already over half my height. So by the time that he's probably 10, 11, 12, he'll probably be 6ft tall and then will he be looked at as a threat? And so I decided to write these books for or publish these books for children so that all children, black, brown, all of them, they can see themselves in a positive light and they don't have to believe the stereotypes and believe that, you know, if they wear a hood or if they are walking down the street at night, that there's some criminal or that they're a drug dealer or anything negative, they shouldn't believe that, you know. And so these books I only have, as I said, so far, but it's just to inspire them so they can look at the book and they can see themselves in these books and they can see something positive that they can take from this.

[13:19] DIANE KAYA: What's been the response of your own children to these books?

[13:23] ANGEL: They're so young right now, but they like seeing themselves in the book. They're like, oh, that's me. They'll see me on the computer working on the book. And they're like, oh, is that me, Mommy? And I'm like, yeah, that's. Thank you. So it's really exciting to, you know, they're interested in it and I just recently got one of them printed. So I have one paperback book. So that was really exciting. And my son wants to sleep with the book. He wants to put it under his pillow and sleep with it. So I'm like, well, that's great. And I have a great response from some other moms. My friend, she recently bought the book for her son and she handed the book to her son and he said, is that me, Mommy? And she said she almost teared up because he's never said that before. And so to hear that, you know, it just makes me want to keep going because that's my goal, is for all little boys to see themselves and look at something and say, well, that kind of looks like me. Because I remember when I was little there weren't too many books with little black girls on it. You know, there may have been one doll or one Barbie, but there weren't very many options. So I think it's important to have more diversity and so all little kids can see themselves in a positive image and I can grow up with that. And I think that will help everyone, you know, in the end, it'll help to spread love and for everyone to be more accepting of people. Who are different.

[14:57] DIANE KAYA: Absolutely.

[15:01] ANGEL: Along with this, along with, you know, recreating myself and getting my life together and learning how to love myself again, I created a list of goals. And one of the goals was to finally become a yoga instructor. It's something that I wanted to do when I was in college, when I fell in love with that yoga class. And so I figured right now is the time I just, you know, getting going through the divorce, and, you know, I was working on these books, so I began to start this yoga certification. While practicing yoga, I started to lose weight, and I found a large lump in my stomach. And I ended up going to the doctor and found out I have three large tumors in my stomach. They're fibroids, so they're not cancerous. But before I found out they were not cancerous, I was, like, really worried, you know, that that's a scary thing to experience. So I decided to look at the situation and figure out, like, what can I do to not worry about this situation? What can I do to help myself to deal with this? And I decided to create a list of things that I want to do within a year. So it's called One Year to live list. And it's not giving myself one year to live. It's just accomplishing as much as I can within this year. Because I was thinking, like, well, I have this tumor. What if it was cancerous? How many things have I accomplished in my life? Like, I have a whole list of goals and things I want to do, and I haven't even done that. So that's what this list is for. And so far, I have three things that I have marked off, and I'm still working on many of them. So some of the things on the list are traveling with my children and saying all of the United States and going to visit all the continents, which can be a little difficult because of my son and his sickle cell. He still has to take medicine twice a day and things like that. But I figure road trips will be safe, at least for now. We'll figure out along the way. But I've been grateful and I've been blessed to be able to take them to several states so far. I also went to Skydive, and one of the things I recently accomplished was to do yoga with parents who have sick children. My son goes to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital, the Scottish Rite up north. And that second time that he was hospitalized, it was very difficult because, like I said, I was going through the divorce, and I had to be in the room with Him. And then my son was sick. And when you have a sick child, you literally, you cannot do anything to help them. So you feel helpless, and there's lots of stress. There's other things. You got fired from a job. I got in a car accident, you know, so it was like everything was going around. And I thought that day in the hospital, what if I like, what if there was meditation or yoga here in the hospital? Because they didn't offer that for the parents, you know? And so I thought, well, one day when I'm stronger, I'll go back to the hospital and ask them if I can do yoga meditation with the children. So that's something I recently did about a week or so ago.

[18:33] DIANE KAYA: How did it go?

[18:34] ANGEL: It went very well. I enjoyed talking to the parents. And you feel like a bond because, you know, unfortunately, you have the child sick here in the hospital, but you understand, like, I understand what they were going through, and I understand, like, the things they need. And so I try to. As we're practicing, practicing yoga, I tried to say, like, encouraging words to help them to know that, you know, you can continue and things are going to get better, you know, to help to brighten their day a little bit.

[19:07] DIANE KAYA: That's a profound bond that you shared.

[19:10] ANGEL: Yes. And I'm grateful that I'm able to do that now to help other parents. It's something I was very thankful that I was able to do, and I hope to do it again because, you know, unfortunately, children will be sick, and I understand what the parents are going through and how difficult that situation can be. So those are the. That's the one year to live list. And I still have some other things that I want to work on with that and my. My website, along with my goals, I decided to start the website that I manage my children's books on there and also have a blog for moms, because I want to help to motivate moms and inspire moms through other people's stories. And I share meditation and yoga through this website. So that's something that I hope to. I hope to continue to build and hope to grow even more, to have other moms to be. To contribute and to, you know, be inspired and motivated and continue following their dreams.

[20:31] DIANE KAYA: That sounds like a powerhouse community.

[20:34] ANGEL: Yes. Bruce Lee has a quote. It is, do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. And throughout life, there will always be obstacles, and there will always be difficulties and things that you have to deal with. And from my situation, and I kind of just Barely touched the surface of the things that I went through. But throughout all these situations in my life, I had to decide, will I let this break me or will I learn how to deal with these obstacles in a way that I can help someone, that I can turn this negative situation into something positive and, like, how can I inspire people? And I think that's very important when you go through obstacles is to figure out, like, how do I get through this so that I can help others, so I can pull others up out of whatever they're going through to help to inspire and motivate them. And I think one of the things that brought me, like, after while, towards the end of going through that divorce, when my sister told me to meditate, and that really helped me. And I practiced meditation since then, and that really helped to quiet the negativity and quiet the negative thoughts, to be able to concentrate and focus on the moment. And I learned how to detach myself from different situations that may have hurt me or things that I was holding on from the past. And learning how to detach myself from the. The hurtful things and memories of going through my divorce and meditating helps to. Helps me to focus on the present moment. And then once you, like, come out of your meditation, you're, like, more focused and you can, like, write your goals down and achieve your goals and go towards them, you know, because that's the whole purpose is to be happy, move towards your goals, but to get there, you have to be able to quiet your mind and quiet the negativity. Excuse me. So throughout all the difficulties that I've been through, I had to learn how to see the light in the darkness and to be led out of negative situations through seeing the light and find the silver lining out of any situation that I go through. I've learned how to quiet my mind so that it will change my heart and learn how to change my mind so that I will change my heart.

[23:48] DIANE KAYA: This is a life well lived.

[23:52] ANGEL: Yes, it's something that is a daily practice. It's, you know, because every day, something. Not every day, but a lot of times things may come up. And it's important to practice mindfulness, practice the meditation and the yoga every day to learn how to concentrate on right now. Because things in the past may, you know, bring you depression and sadness. And then when you worry about your future, you get anxiety and you get worried. Well, at least I do. But I know that many, many Americans are faced with depression and things like that, especially around the holidays, from what I was reading. But I Think it's important to meditate and just to focus on right now and what's going on and find what makes you happy. That's, you know, important to, like, go back to a time when you were the happiest and figure out what made you happier. What are the things that you've always wanted to do or always wanted to accomplish? Or look at my situation and what I thought about, you know, when I found out I had the tumor, like, what if it was cancerous? What are some things that I've always wanted to accomplish? You know, what? And I think those are the things you should go after and not quit, no matter how difficult it is, you have to continue. And there's so many success stories. You know, Oprah and Steve Jobs, a lot of people, they go through many difficult situations, but not quitting is the key. And being consistent every day is. Is a new day. And every day you have to practice. Practice.

[25:34] DIANE KAYA: It sounds like meditation and yoga has grounded you and enabled you to get to know yourself. What I have heard, though, is a real generosity of spirit about wanting to take what you've learned and sharing it with others. But in your story, I didn't hear so much about others who helped you come to this point. So where did you start thinking beyond yourself about wanting to do for others so much?

[26:18] ANGEL: I think that was when I was in college, and when I realized that most of the people I was hanging around, they were Christians. And I'm not bashing or I'm not saying anything negative about Christians, but they were Christians. But they didn't. For me, I felt like they didn't practice what a Christian should be. And I think maybe I didn't either, because I was, you know, you're taught to, you know, be this strong Christian and go out to the world and spread the gospel. And that's what I did, you know, but you miss. You miss the point where you help others, and you miss the purpose of not judging others. You don't want to make other people feel bad for their choices and for the things that they've done. So I think back then in college is when I realized there's something I need to do differently. I think once I went through my divorce and things were, like, an absolute mess, and my sister told me to meditate, I started looking more into meditation, and I came upon a Buddhist temple. It's actually here in Atlanta. And I started going there because they meditate for at least 20 minutes. After the monk speaks. And hearing the meditation, I was just like, this is. I Mean, it's peaceful. You know, it's all these people around, people of many different cultures, many different backgrounds. And everyone's here. We're all breathing the same air. And as I studied different people who were people who peaceful, I came upon this. It's a quote by a Buddhist, and I can't remember his name but it may have been the Dalai Lama, I'm not sure. But it was about living your life and your purpose of life, about leading a life of helping others and finding that purpose and that really, you know, turn my light, turn my life around. Because I'm like, well, when I volunteer is when I'm happiest. When I work a job, I'm miserable. I hate it. You know, and so I'm like, if I could volunteer, I would be happy every single day. And I'm like, well, that's the thing I should go towards. I should, you know, help others as much as I can. And part of going back to my one Year to live goals, I plan to start a nonprofit to help women who have been through a divorce and been through. Excuse me, excuse me. I plan to help women who have been through a divorce and who feel lost and may feel like there's no hope and don't know how to get out of it. There's a lot of people, a lot of women may stay in a marriage because financial reasons or because you love the person, but not all the time. That is the best situation for yourself or for your children. And I think the most important thing to do is to figure out how you can be happy. And that's part of my inspiration for starting my nonprofit.

[30:08] DIANE KAYA: So if you had boundless resources, what do you see yourself doing in the next five years?

[30:22] ANGEL: I would start my nonprofit where I would help women and women who have sick children also. I would make it so that they won't have to work as hard and they can stay home with their children, because I know how difficult that is. I would create resources for them so they can have resources for good lawyers and they won't have to go through the things that I went through. I would also have a tiny house. I think if I was a millionaire, I would still have a tiny house because the big space is not really needed. You know, what do you need that large, massive house for? And it's too much to clean. It's too much to take care of. So I would have my little tiny house with my children, and I would definitely grow my own food and have resources for women and teach them how to grow their Own food, which I think is important, especially with a lot of things going on and the recalls with the food industry and things like that. It's important to grow our own food. But, yeah, if I had balanced resources, I would definitely help others and have my tiny house with my children and grow our own food. And I would practice meditation and yoga with the women as they are. You know, if they're going through the divorce, you know, I would practice the yoga with them to help them to heal.

[31:58] DIANE KAYA: Do you see this as a community of tiny houses?

[32:02] ANGEL: I do. I would like to think so. When I heard a few years ago that there was a community, they help women who have been trafficked. And after I heard that, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, that was. That's my idea, is to help, you know, women who have gone through different things. But I would hope that it would be a small community that I would be able to help women to, you know, get on their feet and to go after their dreams.

[32:33] DIANE KAYA: You. You mentioned earlier the word resourcefulness through.

[32:41] ANGEL: K. Money mastery, probably.

[32:43] DIANE KAYA: Right. And it sounds like between growing your own food and living in a smaller space and economizing and sharing the resources that are available, that you are spreading resourcefulness to others.

[33:00] ANGEL: Yes. I guess I didn't look at it that way that you said that, but yes, I guess that's. That's the life that I want to live, and I want to show my children that it's important to help other people. It's important to be able to sustain yourself, take care of yourself, and not have to rely on anyone. I mean, it's good to have help, but I'm saying not to be able to rely on, you know, the doctors to tell you, oh, there's no help, there's no hope, there's nothing you can do. But there is. There's always, you know, there's always something that would help. So I think that that is important, especially someone if they're going through difficulty. And when. When the guy said that, Mr. James, when he told me that I need to be resourceful, it really helped me. And I'm like, you know, he's right. I do need to be resourceful. Like, you're either going to keep complaining about the situation or you're going to work to make things happen and make things better for your life.

[34:09] DIANE KAYA: What are the things, the top three things that you're proudest of?

[34:16] ANGEL: I would say my children. I would definitely say. I would say the skills that I have learned. I guess I would say resourceful. The Resourcefulness, like learning how to do coding for websites, learning how to create videos. Learning how to create. I also create animated videos. I'm not, you know, a great animator, but I'm getting there. I'm still learning how to use different programs, learning how to publish books on Amazon. It's something I've always wanted to write a book. But learning how to do that and learning the process through that course, that really helped me. So being resourceful is number two. And the last thing is I'm proud that I'm open to change. And I'm always open to change because it helps me no matter what situation I'm in. If I'm open minded, if I open my heart, open my mind, I, you know, I'm welcoming anything to come in, any positivity to come into my life. And you know, I have the heart and enough love to help others. So, yeah, I would say those are the three things that I'm most proud of.

[35:42] DIANE KAYA: Is there anything else that you haven't mentioned that you would like to end our conversation with?

[35:54] ANGEL: Just that. Overall, I just think it's important to quiet our minds and to learn how to focus on right now. And the world could be going absolutely crazy around us, but our world does not have to go crazy and be crazy. And there's hope. Even if it's the darkest of situations, there's always hope. So never give up and always continue, no matter what. And every day is a new day. And to just work toward quieting your mind and work toward loving yourself. Because if you love yourself, if you learn to accept yourself, you have enough love and acceptance for others. I think that's the most important thing.

[36:42] DIANE KAYA: I absolutely appreciate this time we've had together. I feel better. And I didn't even know you an hour ago, so thank you.

[36:54] ANGEL: Oh, thank you. I enjoyed this conversation with you. Thank you very much.