Neil Patel and Rachel Blackburn

00:06 My name is Rachel Blackburn. I am 36 years old. Today is June 22nd, 2019. We are at storycorps Atlanta and I am with Neil Patel my boyfriend.

00:20 Hi, I am you my age is also 36 and today is Saturday, June 22nd 2019 and we are here at storycorps Atlanta and I'm here with my girlfriend.

00:33 A sneak peek of your girlfriend. Okay. Well, let me begins. So here's my first question already coming at you in all the countries where you have spent a significant amount of time which to my understanding but please add to this list if I have left anything out in. Kenya Canada and the US what do you feel is the most positive thing that you have learned or gain from each of these places?

01:08 I want to say

01:10 The most positive thing is I've learned. Is that the

01:17 My family my sister my parents were all committed to each other doesn't matter what part of the globe we go to we go to it together doesn't matter what our financial situation is positive or negative. We're in it together, you know, and I feel like life is a all those moves. I've told me like life is a team sport and my team is my family and we we do it together. I like to say it like that everything I do and the risks that I take in terms of moving or finding a new career new job. I've always had a safety net to do it with so if I should fall I know I have people in my life will catch me and moving around on all those changes and uncertainty. That's the one positive.

02:12 That have come out of it for me the affirmation.

02:16 That was one of the first things I picked up about you that I really liked and appreciated was your your love of your family? Okay. Alright, I'm going to keep coming at you. Unless you want me to have one of mine if you could custom build your own motorcycle money is no object to you. What would it be like?

02:48 I don't think I would custom build a single motorcycle, but rather have a few different types of motorcycles because each

02:58 Motorcycle that type has is built for a different type of purpose you have that would have a sportbike for the Speed and Performance and again modify it to fit me, but it wouldn't be a Custom Modified so to speak motorcycle, but I put little modifications in all of the bikes that I would buy. So I wouldn't like to have one sportbike one dual sport for off-roading and whatnot one Cruiser out of all of us wanted to get like a the Harley that Arnold Schwarzenegger Road in Terminator 2

03:41 Starbucks iced out a poster of that in my room. I'm not a big Harley fan, but that's one Harley. I would like to have I would also like to have some kind of touring bike that's comfortable for 2 up riding for the both of us to ride together.

03:59 And there's a multitude of bikes like I would want to try but maybe not keep permanently in short just have a variety of bikes. Not one highly customized bike.

04:14 I see. I'm happy that I work injury by Future. That's nice.

04:21 Okay, so I'm going to switch gears again. You are someone that has done a lot of skydiving over 250 times. Is that correct? What did it feel like to you? The first time that you Sky Doe's and then what did it feel like to you as you became more and more experienced with it and what attracts you to skydiving?

04:43 The first time

04:46 I want to say I was nervous and the majority of the nervousness was in the plane ride up or even the drive to the Drop Zone was yeah, I would say like the drive to the Drop Zone was the most nervous cuz it's the anticipation. It's the uncertainty. I kind of have this weird thing where unless I have done it done something even though I might know how to do it have practiced it researched it until I've experienced it there still let doubt in my mind what I can do it or not. So that drive up was the most nerve-wracking. I had only one friend who was free to come with me normally people jump with the support of their friends and family and I have never done a tandem. I'm going straight into my progression to get my skydiving license because I I knew

05:44 I wanted to be licensed and I don't I do not want to do a tandem skydive and put month myvid limited funds that I had towards a tandem. So I paid off for the complete skydiving accelerated freefall course package as of

06:04 Package fee. I didn't break it down. So it was like I paid upfront the entire money. So I don't I don't know if I'm going to enjoy it if it's for me, I literally just jumped in with both my feet cuz I knew it was something out I wanted to do and if I did not commit at that level even though I'm I would want to continue towards my progression of getting my license funds are other life events might hinder me. So this way I'm guaranteeing that I'll let least reach a certain point before life might get in the way if it does.

06:44 And so the plane ride up was the biggest nerve-racking and then once I got out there was a little bit sigh of relief. I don't know why for some reason. I've always felt more comfortable once I left a plane cuz now my fate was in my hands. I had done. Check my gear. I had done a little research. I prepared myself and what may come is now in my hands in the plane. I'm at the mercy of whoever the mechanic was who did the maintenance on the plane. Whoever fuel the plane or the other passengers in the plane who could damage the airframe or whatnot on exit so, they might unsettle the card and also the pilot. I'm at Lira lot of other people who have a hand in my fate once I leave the plane. It's just me.

07:40 Nobody else I think or Swim on my own merits. So I felt more belief on that but the biggest thing was because I had I was starting this hobby on extremely limited funds. My biggest worry was I needed to complete the required task to pass the first level. It wasn't that I would get hurt or how am I going to get down? It was just like I don't have the funds to redo this level, you know it so it's going to cost me money. Also, my biggest worry was getting a pass from my instructor to move on to the next level and regarding

08:28 With Scotty moving forward

08:32 I found that.

08:36 It calms me down having add and all the things other things going on in my life my mind 10 2/10 to race a lot and skydiving can almost 10th to comment Down The Accelerated pace of jumping out of the plane with slow everything else down, even though 60 seconds of free-fall felt a lot longer than 60 seconds and it also changed my perspective in a when I approached other things in life. Cuz after you have jumped out of a plane and you are you're participating in a sport that isn't actually an emergency procedure, you know, you're taking it a last-ditch emergency procedure that is that was meant to save lives of Pilots to leave damage planes and you're turned it into a hobby and you're doing it for fun.

09:33 It changes your perspective you approach things.

09:39 In you do more risk-reward calculations in your mind with everything. He know you.

09:49 Asking a girl out or going to a job interview.

09:54 No seams and sick insignificant when you have done an activity where the consequences of a mistake can be.

10:05 Very dear. So now no doesn't it's not a significant calculation before asking me out.

10:15 I did that's why I was eager in getting to see you as soon as possible and getting you invested in me cuz I was invested in you so I wanted you to get to know me and get invested in scratch that.

10:36 I wanted to get you invested to the point where now you would want to know me because you have put in the initial investment of time. So you would be less likely to just walk away rather in it without knowing me so that was their risk-reward analysis over there.

10:59 My turn now.

11:05 Firstly what did you imagine your life or how your life would look like when you're growing up was the mental image in your mind of what you thought your life would look like and how is it different from what you imagined?

11:24 What a great question. Do you know I've never had an easy time imagining my life in the future those questions about you know, what do you think your life look like in 5 years what you think you let your life like will look like in 10 years. I I've never really been able to Envision that I

11:42 I think what I try to do in my life as I tried to plan the next step like I try to always have a goal in front of me. And then once I meet that goal, then I can start planning the next one after that. But them I think having some hardships early on in life helped me realize that a really young age that you can't plan for everything. You can't design a perfect life life will always interfere no matter what so I guess I just found it easier to plan for the next move. Whatever that would be even when I was doing work visas. I didn't I don't think I realized until I was like a month out from my UK work visa that I was going to apply for Ireland. It was actually a conversation that my friend Lane and I had where we said if you want to move to Dublin, okay?

12:39 I kind of always thought I would be poor. I didn't ever think that I would make a lot of money. I always imagined I be

12:47 Driving just to stay afloat. Really.

12:50 So my wife looks different in that way I didn't imagine I'd ever be able to be as stable as I feel that I am now. So that's a huge change just in the last year of my life. Does that answer your question growing up? I know you said you were.

13:17 Just taking life as it came, but as a child, I quit. What did you imagine? You know, did you imagine?

13:25 Your mom would be living your mom and dad would be living certain ways away. You would be living somewhere else you would have.

13:34 You know who you'd be living with what you would be doing. Would you would you did you always want to be a professor? What did you see yourself teaching or like as kids would be like in a pilot policemen or firemen those kind of standard ones or

13:52 Do you have like a standard format or like what was the when did the picture look like as a kid like not 5-10 years, but

14:03 You're a grown up. Now. He an adult what I wanted to do with my life changed pretty frequently with whatever interest I got into at one point. I wanted to be a marine biologist because I love sea animals, like dolphins and penguins penguins. Yes, they wobble from side to side is amazing and inherently, Kelso.

14:34 So at one point, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I also used to give private concerts to nobody in the house whenever my mom and dad were both out of the house. We had like a kind of wooden step area that I'm turn on one of my favorite music albums and just sing and dance my way through the whole thing. So I think maybe at one point I thought I'd be a rockstar. I thought about teaching I think briefly back then but my mom was a teacher and my dad was a teacher and I think maybe I felt like I didn't want to become a teacher at first because that almost felt too easy. Like like I wasn't coming up with my own vision of what I want to do to do for my life. And then it was when I got involved with. Or actually as a kid just volunteering performing and then eventually backstage.

15:34 And I kind of fell in love with directing not because

15:39 Not because it was like a position of power that I wanted to be and I didn't care about the power. I just liked the fact that the director got to work with everybody. So that meant to me in my young mind that every day on the job would be so interesting cuz one day you might be talking to a designer. But another day you might be talking to a performer and I just liked it. You got to be involved with everybody cuz everybody's crap. World is so interesting to me. So I didn't really decide that though until I was you know later in high school.

16:13 So and then when I decided I wanted to teach I was until I was in living in Toronto Canada and I had directed the young lady. Her name is Cheyenne. She was in a play called Sylvia and I directed her in that play and she asked me to write a recommendation letter for her for college and

16:37 So I did and she got into all the schools that she applied to which she totally did our own all three that she applied to ended up going to Ryerson University in Toronto.

16:50 Even though obviously she did that on her own and anybody could have written her a great letter. I just felt unexpectedly rewarded by that and maybe I also felt like I had spent enough time in the theater professionally at that point that I was I could be of value like my experience could be a value to somebody that might want to learn, you know, I guess maybe I without realizing it and kind of rounded this hurdle is like, okay. I've got a number of years below my belt now about, you know doing this professionally, so so that's when I decided I wanted to teach

17:27 Okay, so

17:34 What? Oh my gosh, so many questions. I want to ask you.

17:41 How about this?

17:43 What's the what is one thing you would want to tell me that you haven't told me already?

17:50 Oh, oh, oh that's deep.

17:57 One thing that I would want to tell you don't want to tell me let me know.

18:03 You haven't might be holding back or you haven't told me yet door.

18:11 Oh my you choose this moment to ask me this.

18:23 Okay, so, you know how I told you that story about I asked you to go with me to the fundraiser and almost immediately. You sent me back a photo and you said red tiger Black Tie Not only was that the moment I decided that I wanted to be with you, but I think looking back now that my might have been the moment I decided I wanted to be with you be with you like

18:50 Like your partner for life.

18:55 You got that was another skydiving risk-reward evaluation. It's like got to got to get on it. I decided Well if I'm anticipating the eye.

19:12 You know cuz suddenly it it crystallized in my mind. This is the person I have most fun with that. I look forward to being with but I can't wait to find out more about who he is. I'll never get bored of this person. I'm always going to want to learn more discover more and experience things together and

19:31 I realized it's probably good for me to find out whether he

19:37 Maybe maybe feels the same way.

19:40 A little bit

19:43 I returned I've always a question to you sir. Is there anything that you actually you know what this was one of my questions kind of is there anything that I should know going into a partnership with you that you have not expressed to me yet?

20:03 Nope, because as soon as something comes to my mind, I would like say it out loud.

20:08 You know for the record I do that do that, too. I just wanted to be romantic being a realist.

20:22 But yeah, I also try to communicate things as they as they come to me and I'll forget.

20:34 You don't to my knowledge. I don't think I've ever spent as much time around someone that experiences ADHD as I have with you.

20:42 But it's taught me a lot. What do you think is your biggest challenge is someone that lives with ADHD?

20:57 Having a really good memory, but not having the ability to recall. Like I can remember things in the Vegas detail like one of my earliest memories is when I was I want to say about two or three and my mom was trying it was fighting with me to give me take a bath and I was just physically not have fighting her, you know really hard and I remember I brought my head down and my chin hit her lower jaw and it tore tooth went into my chin and I still have the dent so to speak in my chin I can remember.

21:42 Really vague memories of Kenya childhood really vividly. However, I have very little recall. Like I cannot it's hard for me to recall on command to think of stuff like somebody might tell me something and I immediately after I'll be like, can you repeat that? Cuz it might I'm not stalker. It might have been in there, but I I try to think back and I can't think of the answer. So that's kind of

22:16 Vector injured me academically and little bit professionally also the

22:29 The ability to stay on task to like there's all these things I start and it's

22:42 It's an absolute.

22:48 Fight till I finish them, you know.

22:55 Like a in Earnest you want to do it, you know, you try to complete the task and yet you can't and like people when I was younger people to think like oh you're lazy or you know, all you need to do is buckle down but is that buckling down and you realize the if you could just buckle down like every

23:19 Other person like a non-adhd person the things you could achieve its like you could do so much more. If not, like when me having asthma when I'm working out or I'm playing a sport.

23:37 You realize that if that if you had better if I had better be a long video to capacity or just not have asthma with the amount of effort. I put into any for certain physical tasks. I would be so far along in my progress. But you know because of this the progress is very incremental and it translates the same way with ADHD.

24:05 But

24:08 It about the benefits, you know, it makes me who I am and

24:15 My it it's what's build my personality and my character. So it's part of me. It's not a bad thing or good thing. You know, it's just who I am on the other hand like being with you or somebody non-adhd when they tell me the things that I do as an ADHD person like repeating myself or not remembering things when they were told to me.

24:48 In the past few years, it's it's made me appreciate that. My mom who has ADHD as well that I need to afford her the same patients because there are times when you know, somebody goes you already told me that and I have and the responses like, you know, Katie is no need to bite my head off. I just forgot and I just had a recall that you know, I can act the same way with my mom and she repeats herself. So I over the years has taught me that I need to forward to seeing patients, but she's in the same boat as I am. I didn't realize your mom also lives with you.

25:30 I hope that I've turned it into a joke whenever I say something like you know, I told you that already. I hope it comes across as a joke is meant by Sheriff song or something. I know it's cuz you have told me and now I'm like, nope. This is my thing. It was a running joke with my sister as well. It could be something like music and I will share a song and she would be like I already knew about the song, you know before you did cuz I was cool. I was like, nope. I'm the one who told you about that song. So I was cool and I made you cool, like that.

26:11 Yeah, I see. All right. Okay, so I guess this is kind of adjacent if you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

26:38 Just to have

26:42 Be a build better recall, you know the ability to remember things and also the part of

26:53 Add where I can't finish a task. I started so like, you know finish something. I start have the patience to you know, walkthrough versus like kind of grind it out.

27:07 But mainly just recall have better memory.

27:14 Things that I'm surprised that anybody would remember I don't mean just you but that any friend of mine would remember small details like something I may have told you months ago one-time casually and then it never came up again and somehow you remember it. I don't know if you're squirreling it away like on your notepad or but I can't recall. That's it. It is good memory, but memory is no

27:45 Retention and recall so the retention part is good the recall part not so much.

27:51 Wow, I thought about memory that deeply I suppose.

27:58 Well

28:02 You look like you want to ask me something.

28:05 What was one moment in your life where you felt let down?

28:10 It could be by a person that situation.

28:17 Let down.

28:22 There was

28:26 A director that I worked with in one of the two summers. I spent working in Charlottesville, Virginia and I was her assistant and I guess I have this lofty maybe perhaps even naive idea that women should be helping other women, you know that we should all be reaching out her hands and guiding each other through this thing that we call life and maybe even as a young woman at the time. I was kind of hoping that maybe I mean, I'm always hoping to learn things from people special people. I work with like

29:07 I always want to gain their wisdom and insights and you know try to be better at what I do as a result. And anyway, she was just really unpleasant to work with she also apparently specialized in teaching young people. But in the first rehearsal alone, she managed to make like about four women cry if that were singers that she was directing and she was just the she was a really unhappy person and she made everyone around her unhappy and that was a really disappointing experience and it kind of at least professionally speaking. It wasn't a very nice summer for me and she was

29:50 I don't know if she just made everyone around her feel bad to the bro code there at that Opera Festival that summer and I remember she brought me a bouquet of flowers and I didn't know how to feel about it. It was completely out of the blue and unexpected and it was like I thought you hated me and now you're bringing me flowers. I don't know spective of support. Sometimes people. Give us the things. We need not what the things we want.

30:23 Wait did I want the flowers are need the flowers support in Minot been to support you wanted but could be the support you needed.

30:37 You know, I could be some in a fortune cookie kind of philosophy, but I don't know. It's okay. I'll take it.

30:44 Yeah, okay. Well, I'm going to call you a question. That's a good one. Have you ever felt let down by something?

31:03 I would say.

31:10 Probably on myself let down by myself when my grandma passed away cuz I felt like I should have

31:20 Done certain things been at a certain love position in my life at a certain reached a certain stage so she could see you and I could have shared those moments with her, you know, like maybe at

31:37 A certain professional stage or personal growth stage or just be at?

31:46 The position in life where I'd be like, okay Grandma, you know, this is what I wanted to see but I felt like I was behind the curve I not

31:55 Gotten to that and

31:59 Where she couldn't hold on and wait for me to get there. So I was like I didn't didn't have my act together, you know in time so I kind of felt like

32:14 Let myself down.

32:16 You know, I never met your grandmother, but

32:22 I would put money down that you did have your act together in her eyes and that she was proud of who you are regardless of what your external circumstances might look like.

32:34 Yeah, but they're there. It's just

32:37 Just that there were certain things like professionally. I wish you had reached that on a level or she had seen me Skydive cuz I know she would have been the one person I could have brought to the Drop Zone coz I know my mom will never come out of the Drop Zone to see me jump and it's it's already

32:59 Torture enough for her to know that I'm doing that.

33:03 Zombie activities but more like professionally or you know meeting you have that person in my life, but then again the journey is

33:16 Is part of me as well. So but part of me just wishes. She could have it again. It's a selfish thing where she is that there was more I could have shared with her but

33:27 I just thought was a little bit of a letdown for myself that

33:33 I am by that time there was a lot more I should have accomplished. So as to share with her, which I never got to share with her.

33:47 You know, actually that reminds me of something I let myself down once too and relationship to a grandparent idea. When I first moved back from London, I flew into Kansas City to stay with my mom and Uncle for a while and I kept thinking like I should drive down to Oklahoma and see my grandparents and I kept putting it off and putting it off in like it was a couple weeks later and I still haven't gone down and then just and then I think I plan to go down one weekend and right before I got there my grandpa fell and went into the hospital and I never got to talk to him again. And I was so close. I'd spent all that time and London half a world away and then I come back and then right before I'm supposed to drive down for the weekend. That's when that happened.

34:38 I let down myself because I thought I should have been more.

34:42 Careful in my planning I should have made that a priority to see them.

34:46 Well, it's

34:51 I don't know who says this but I'm getting some people to add that if you knew you were making history. Would you pay more attention?

34:59 So you're all acting like you're always making personal history. So you should pay it as much attention.

35:07 As you can without a detracting you from the moment.

35:12 You know, I had written down here question related to your grandma. If you could be having this conversation like we are with your grandma right now. What would be the first thing you would ask her?

35:31 Well, I'm actually this would definitely be something I would do with her. Like this would be on the lengthy list of things I would.

35:42 Have her do with me first question. I would ask would probably be.

35:54 I don't know. Actually, I'd be more interested in what you would ask what she would want to know.

36:02 Like I said, I spend a lot of time with her. I know a lot of maybe reiterate things.

36:09 About her childhood and her life that I know she's told me but she told me when I was younger and I might have forgotten so

36:22 But that there wouldn't be any burning question cuz I know they would have been already been asked.

36:29 I know we only have a few minutes left. So I'm going to ask one a little more just ask yourself this question all about me of all the things that you've learned about me since meeting me what has surprised you the most.

36:52 I would say none because for somebody to be surprised about a person you'd have to go in.

37:04 With almost like a judgment or an assumption.

37:10 Which

37:12 Like with you it's just been installing. Just want to get to know you. I don't know.

37:20 It takes a lifetime to get to know somebody, you know, cuz they're constantly changing and that's what we're doing, you know learning about each other as we change, but I don't think I would be

37:32 A surprise cuz I I I don't know why it's that I don't have any assumptions or preconceived judgement. So I learned something about you. That's the biblical fact, you know, that's who Rachel is just got to learn something new about Rachel. It might have been a surprise if it was like Rachel is X wines that and then the real Rachel comes and tells me something different that doesn't align with it on my phone surprised.

38:04 But yeah, it's but I don't think I would list anything as a surprise there lots of interesting and fun and Innovative things that I've learned about you and the list keeps growing but it's just like things that make you go.

38:22 Rather than a surprise or like the school.

38:30 All right, any less questions for me?

38:38 Just wrap it up with this one. I know like you were really excited. I can't articulate what it is about this process that draws me in like I've always been

38:51 Fascinating drawn by other people's stories as recorded like we're doing right now and the conversations they have had like you got a little insight into these people and I know when I told you about it, you were super excited. I feel like you're better at articulating these things. So how did you feel about or how do you feel about coming here and doing this exercise with me? You know, it's funny that you say that you were drawn to people stories and

39:25 That's exactly how I feel about the world to that's that's the whole reason. I think I fell in love with theater and performance because it feels like people stories are a way to ingest the world in.

39:40 Easy to digest bite sizes, but I think there's something very special about doing this exercise with you because

39:50 I know that I feel on the precipice of

39:56 Things between us growing deeper and

40:02 And thinking more and more long-term and

40:07 There isn't anybody else. I'd rather do this with because I feel like I'm always having questions in my mind about you things. I want to learn but this gives me a nice excuse to put them all down and I get to pester you with all of them still doesn't answer the question. I still can't articulate and like my sister thought this was a little weird cuz we could have spoken have this conversation at home. Why are we having to hear? I don't know but I love it. And I love the people that have had the conversation over here before us. I don't know why I can't I can't articulate why I think we'll be really cool is that you and I will be able to go back and listen to this conversation 5 10 20 years from now. Maybe we'll make it something we do.

40:57 Marking different stages in our our continued friendship and relationship then who knows, you know, it'll be interesting to see what kind of I look forward to the conversations. We have 10 years from now 20 years from now. I wonder how they'll be different what kind of questions we would ask each other so that would be your 2024 will be back.