Antoinette Tuff and Kiplyn Primus

[00:06] KIPLYN PRIMUS: I am Kiplyn Primus. I am 57 years old. Today is Saturday, June 29, 2019. We're at StoryCorps Atlanta, and I'm talking to a colleague and community hero, Ms. Antoinette Tuff

[00:23] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Hello, Kiplyn I am Antoinette tuff. I am 53 years old. Today is Saturday, June 29, 2019, and I am at Story Corp Atlanta, and my relationship is we are community leaders in the community, making a difference.

[00:42] KIPLYN PRIMUS: Antoinette Tuff I want to thank you so much for agreeing to do this conversation and interview today. And I'm going to start at the beginning. Tell me about your youth. Tell me about growing up your parents, your siblings, grandparents, and what you remember about growing up as a little girl.

[01:02] ANTOINETTE TUFF: What I remember is my dad left my mom when I was 2. I did not see him again until I was 10. And the reason why I saw him was because my mom was sick with cancer and they didn't think she was going to live. And so my mom wanted me and my brothers to go and kind of meet our dad, know who he was and all that. And so we was like, okay, who was this man? The way we was introduced to him was my mom. Every year would go and buy toys for each me and my two brothers. And I was the baby of the family. And so she would bring these toys, wrap them all up, and she would put my dad's name on them like he shipped them to us. Well, this one particular year that I realized that my dad had never shipped us anything in my entire life was when we got this one radio in the mail. And so me and my brothers are looking like, okay, where's all of our boxes? What is this? And that's when we found out that my mom had been shipping the gifts. And so when my mom said to us to go to this man that we didn't never know by, only by the gifts that he sent. So then when he sent that one radio, all that we thought he was was, like, gone out the window. And so my mom said, you know, I need you to go down. You gotta know your dad. And all that. And we was like, okay. So we went down there, and it was horrible. My dad had married, remarried a young lady who had five kids. And so they just treated us horrible from the time we knocked on the door and to the time that I left. And they was always comparing me with her other daughters. And so that was how my childhood life was with my dad, with my mom. She was. Even though she was sick, when she got well, I was always the outside outcast, like My mom one time she had somewhere to live, but she would not let me stay with her. And so I was pregnant with my daughter, living in a room and house trying to figure out where I was going to lay my head outside. I was literally homeless for years and my mom and my dad had somewhere to live. And so lo and behold, I met my ex husband. And so he was 17 and I was 13 and so he would sleep outside with me. He made sure that I was taken care of and all that. So we became like best friends. And so that's how me and his relationship and everything started. We were just inseparable. It was like no matter what happened, you seen me and him everywhere we went and then going on. And I remember one time me and my mom in one year moved about 14 times in one year. So we just never really had a stable place. I went to job corps and all of that, trying to just get an education, but I just never really had anywhere stable to stay. So it was just hard to find out how you was going to learn when you were homeless and out on the street. So it was real hard for me as a child.

[04:10] KIPLYN PRIMUS: Now do you remember what was school like for you then?

[04:14] ANTOINETTE TUFF: We moved so much till I don't really remember just one school that I stayed in long enough. We did before my mom and my mom. So what my mom did, she shipped me and my brothers down to my dad. My brothers stayed down there but because his wife then didn't have any boys, so you know, they accepted the boys. But with her having already five girls, it was like, okay, I don't need another girl in here. So I had to go back and live with my mom. And so I remember before all that happened, we lived in this townhouse. And so by that time I was in sixth grade. So I remember, you know, everything up to that time was good. But when I got to going into the sixth grade because I was going into middle school that year, from that time on, from middle school on, it was just really hard for me. So I wind up going to job corps, trying to get an education and GED and all that so I can at least get a decent job and things like that. But it was just never really where you can really say that I had this Cinderella fairy tale, mom, dad in the household, just, you know, wonderful life that you could just be like that was me. I seen it on tv, but I just didn't have it in my life.

[05:32] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So you meet your ex husband when you are young, you are still a child in all Intents and purposes. But you guys have a relationship. He is watching out for you and helping, you know, to care for you. What was that like at that early age? Was it, was it something that you welcomed? Was it something that you were a little leery about, but thought this is, you know, this is going to help be better than me being by myself. What was the start of that relationship like? Do you remember?

[06:04] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Yeah, I do. I hated him. He wasn't what I picked. I didn't like him at first, but I met him at my mom's friend's house, never knowing that we would be together for 33 years. He was just a person that he befriended me and I think that's what it was for me and him. He would go with me and walk with me to go wash my clothes and if we would go somewhere, he would go with me to make sure I was okay. And back then, you know, he was, he was selling dope and all that and doing drugs and everything. So I didn't know any better. I was standing on the corner with him and you know, it wasn't like it was now where, you know, you, you getting arrested and all that. And you, I'm gonna say that you probably was getting arrested. I just didn't, I was just too young to know all that. So I just wanted to make sure, to make sure to make sure that I was by my best friend, if that makes sense.

[07:00] KIPLYN PRIMUS: Yeah, I mean, because even like you said, if you hate him but you knew nothing bad was gonna happen or he was looking out for you and you know, walking with you to make sure you got back home, you know, all those things. And as a young kid that means something.

[07:16] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, really he was like replacing my dad. That I didn't know. I didn't know that then. I know it now looking back at it, that what I did was took him and fulfilled him with the hole that I had in my heart. It was like a 13 year old little girl feeling like the 2 year old little girl looking for her dad who abandoned her at 2. And because my relationship with my dad didn't turn out right the way I would desire for him at 10, it made me gravitate to him more. Even though some of the things he was doing was crazy and all that, but he was the one that loved me at the moment. And so in all of that as a young girl, what you do is you gravitate. You soak up like a sponge to what seems to be soaking up to you. And so for me, he cared for Me, he walked with me, he did things with me, he took care of me the best way that he could at the moment, not knowing that every moment was subject to change. I just didn't know it at the time.

[08:15] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And that happens to a lot of girls, even some who have the Cinderella fairy tale, because those relationships, girls and men, those relationships are just always so, so fraught. And sometimes, you know, we talk about stranger danger, but sometimes it's not even strangers. It's the people that, you know who can take advantage of girls that they see, who might not have, you know, who are searching, like you said, who are searching for that thing to make them feel good and to make them.

[08:50] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Feel whole, that emptiness.

[08:52] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And, you know, there's this new statistic out, I think they say, girls, the confidence in girls peaks at about age 9. And then after that, society just beats us down. And we are, you know, we're trying to find it. We're trying to figure out who am I supposed to be? You know, how am I supposed to look? Do I look too sexy? I don't look sexy enough. And, you know, you're 13, and you shouldn't even have to consider those things. But we live in a society that forever, it seems, have put girls in these predicaments that we have to then try to, you know, figure out. So you mentioned that he's your ex. You guys end up getting married.

[09:37] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Yes.

[09:37] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So how did that. How did your friendship evolve to this marriage?

[09:43] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, he was with me everywhere we went, everywhere we did everything. And so when my mom wind up finding somewhere to live, and I, you know, was able to go to Job Corps, he went to Job Corps before I did. So he came and he said, I'm going to Job Corps and I'm going to be leaving next week. And I'm like, okay, now what am I going to do? And so while he went to Job Corps, I was still with my mom, but we were still moving everywhere. And so I wasn't quite 16 then. And so when I turned 16, I went to Job Corps. So he was in Job Corps in one location, I was in Job Corps in another location. And so by that time, he transferred locations to where I was. We were just inceptible. We were just everywhere you seen me, you seen him, and everywhere you seen him, you seen me. We just did just like. I don't even have to say it when I tell you we did everything together. We did from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed, even when we got, you know, started having Children. We planned our kids. You know, we was like, I want to have. I want to get pregnant. And he's like, I want to have a girl. And I remember one time we didn't have a car, right? So we would get on the bus and we would ride the bus, and he would. We was planning for my daughter, and he would rub my stomach and he would talk to her and all that. And my daughter, she just was so attached to. To her dad. Even in my womb, she would kick and all that, play with him and all that. And he would read her stories and all that kind of stuff in my wound. And so he was just connecting with her in so much of a way. But it was like, we would be on the bus and I'd be so embarrassed. He'd be rubbing my stomach and talking and everybody just looking. And I'm like, please don't embarrass me today. And he'd be like, no, that's my baby, and all that. And so. But he made sure that I was just well taken care of to the best of his ability at that time, because we were kids. And then when we had my son, you know, we were doing a lot better with my daughter. We were still homeless, you know, living here, living there, trying to figure out where I was going to live at. And I remember one time I didn't have. We was living in a rooming house, and we didn't have the money to pay for it. And so he called my mom and said, can we come over there and stay? And so my mom was like, no. And I was like, okay. So I had to go back, trying to figure out what was going to lay out here. Now I'm pregnant. So it's like. It's another whole, you know, this. This is a different level. I kind of now worrying. And so when I was looking at all of that and going through and then I look back at it now, it was like, man, your own mother wouldn't help you. Or my own dad. You know what I'm saying? They were so busy in living their own lives, not really looking and seeking for their child. Now my dad was seeking and looking for his current wife and her five girls. He just was in my brothers. But no one seemed to be seeking and looking after me. It's like, you know how you have the three little bears and, you know, mommy bed, baby bed, daddy bed. You're like, okay, you know, the baby bear with a baby bed. And you like, okay, somebody gonna see me. I'm the baby bear. You know, you know, and even though I know I got all these siblings and everything, but if somebody gonna see the baby bear, I'm the baby bear. Somebody gonna find me or seek after me, you know, and that just never happened. It was my ex husband who seeked after me, watched over me. And so with that, it just made me fall in love with him because I seen where he didn't see me homeless, he didn't see me hopeless. He knew that I had a future. He just didn't know how, but he knew I was capable of doing it. And so he just. I remember he used to just rock me to sleep and say, it's gonna be okay.

[13:21] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And so you guys end up getting married?

[13:24] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Yeah, we got married after we had my daughter. My daughter was three and we got married, then we had my son. And then we moved from Washington D.C. to Atlanta. His mom got sick and so we moved to Atlanta to help her. And then we just started our lives all over and just loving on each other and taking care of our children. And we did that for 33 years. We watched over each other every day.

[13:48] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And how did you end up working in the schools? Because you end up working as a administrator, as an administrative assistant in the education system, which you had left, you know, as a girl. So how did that come about?

[14:05] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, when. So when I was. When we first moved to Atlanta, we moved to Macon. So we stayed in Macon a few years, and then my ex husband got a job here in Atlanta. And so I was like, okay, we gonna go to Atlanta. And then our church was here in Atlanta. So the whole time I was in Macon, I was a housewife. So I said, okay, so I'm gonna go back into the field. And when I. When we first came to Atlanta for a little bit, I was a housewife too. I worked a little bit when my kids were in school, but I made it. I wanted my kids to get up in the morning and have a hot breakfast. They would have. I would pack their lunch and then when they would come home and they would come home to a hot dinner. So that was just something. I always modeled my life as a Proverbs 31 woman that My husband and my children will be well pleased with. So it's important for me to make sure that everybody in my house said breakfast in the morning. We sat down at the table and ate breakfast. I would pack their lunch and pack their dinner if we were going somewhere and they were going somewhere. But if not, we all, every evening, sat down and had dinner together. How was your day? What did you do speak over to each other in the morning before we go? We did that for 33 years.

[15:13] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So you had the Cinderella story for your kids. Even though your life had been so unstable growing up, you were able to model that correct kind of family life for the kids.

[15:25] ANTOINETTE TUFF: I was.

[15:26] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And education was clearly important for you where your kids were concerned as well.

[15:32] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Yeah. What I wanted my kids to do was have the education and the opportunities that I didn't have. So my daughter has a bachelor's degree, a master's degree, and a law degree. And my son has. He went to school. I sent him over to college. It wasn't that he couldn't make it, and it wasn't that he didn't make it. He just made it on his own terms. My son is multiple disabled. He has Charcot Marie tooth disease. He's blind. He has a hearing deficit disorder. He has adhd. And I didn't want him to feel like his disabilities were what was going to label him. I wanted him to know that no matter what looks, what it looks like in his life, the Bible say that if you don't work, you don't eat. And so it was important for me to send him to transitional school, send him to school where he can be able to learn how to do it. And I can say he's been. He's just a great young man today. He's a husband, he has two children, and he's. Even though he's in the wheelchair where we thought he could never do it, oh, my God, he's blowing it out the water. So, you know, when you look back at it, when I look back at my life then and when I look at my life now, how it just set me up to be the mom that I hoped that my mother would be, allowing my kids to have the dad in their lives that I never had. And it was important for me for my kids to have relationships with their dad. My daughter was 26, still sitting on her dad's lap like she was 2. And so I wanted my kids to get what I just didn't get. So that was why it was important for me to stay married for 33 years. And to be honest with you, if my husband had not had an affair, if he had not done what he had done, I even accepted him and excused him for that affair. But he continuously, continuously did the affair. But I went back to look at it all. I was like, okay, what went wrong? What went wrong was that he forgot that I was his best friend, that he could talk to me about anything.

[17:35] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So look, a 33 year marriage is still something to be proud of because marriage is hard and marriage with kids is even harder. So 33 years of marriage is a wonderful thing. But you guys reach that point and you're in the middle of getting this divorce and the time that's hard, I mean, what do they say a divorce is equal to having a death in the family? It's something that it takes a minute to get to and it definitely takes a minute to get over. So you're in that period. And I know it had to be hard because as you mentioned, you all have been together since you were 13. You've been married for 33 years, he's your best friend, he took care of you in all the times when you needed care and there was no one else to care. So what do you want to share about that? Just that whole period of your marriage, all of a sudden dissolving, you know, in front of your face while you're still trying to, you know, think it's going to continue for another 30 years.

[18:44] ANTOINETTE TUFF: It was an overwhelming time. And I promised myself that I would never date a married man. I would never be in a relationship with a man that had a possibility of a relationship with a woman. It's a feeling that you don't ever want another woman to have to feel or go through. That moment when my ex husband and I find out that he was having an affair, it was overwhelming, fearful and afraid because I had never slept by myself. I didn't even have an electric bill in my name because remember I was 13 and now I'm 46, feeling like that 13 year old little girl, just like I was that 13 year old little girl feeling like that 2 year old little girl. So when you go back to 14, I mean to 46, it was really 46 to 13 to 2. So all the abandonment issues for my dad from him and the emotions and all of that was so overwhelming. I remember trying to commit suicide several times. I tried to walk out in one of the busiest streets here in Atlanta on Wesley Chapel. I first went out in front of a car and the car didn't hit me. It was on August 18, 2013. I went out in front of that car and the car wouldn't hit me. So I was talking to God, like, God, just come on, bring me home. I just want to go home. And then so I went back, I seen this big truck coming, so I'm like, I'm gonna get it this time. So I went out and find the truck and the truck says, scooter, run around me. I'm like, okay. God, I can't kill myself today. So it was just so overwhelming. I was like, man, I can't even get this thing right. And I remember my son saying to me, mom, I was just so overwhelmed. One of the other times when I tried to do it, I was so overwhelmed to my son, he said, mom, he would come and put me in his lap in his wheelchair, and he would sing songs to me. And he said, mom, you must live and not die. And I was like. He said, mom, one day I'm going to be somebody's husband, and I'm going to be somebody's dad, and you're going to be somebody's grandma. And I need you to live so you can teach me how to be a dad and a husband, and you can teach my children how to be grandchildren, and they can come back and reach out to you and you give them the wisdom that you gave me. But if you take your life, my kids will never know the importance of a grandmother. And so I used to do this thing with my kids anytime, you know, I would get up in the morning, I would pray over them. So they was having them come home in the afternoon. And so I would let them just lay in my bosom. They would lay in my breast. I said, come on, lay in Mommy's bosom. So in the morning, they would lay in my bosom, and I would pray over them. And in the afternoon, they would lay in my bosom, and I would speak life over to them. And I said, well, how was your day? What did you do today? And we did that every day. And so my kids was used to it. So my son said to me that day when he was singing songs and telling me that I must live, he said, mama, come on and lay in my bosom. And so as I was laying in, you know, you never think that your child would be the one that have to save you. And he was in college, so that's why he didn't finish college, because he left college to come home and take care of his mama that was in the house, suicidal. And so he said, mom, come on and lay in my bosom. And so I was like, I don't want to do that. I just want your dad to come home. He said, mom, I'm going to do you like you used to do me. I'm not going to take no excuse for no come lay in my bosom. And so I went over and I laid in his bosom, and he just rolled me in his wheelchair and I laid there and I just cried and cried and cried and he just sung me a song and you know, just telling me it was like he was validating that 2 year old. Then he went forward to validate that 13 year old and then he even went even further to validate that 46 year old to say, mom, it's all right. He said, mom, I know that you miss dad. He said, I know that you love dad. He said, but it's okay. He said, for the very first time in 21 years, I see you happier than ever on those days. That's your good days. He said, I know today may not be so much of a good day, but mom, I want you to go back and look at it and know that your good days one day gonna outweigh your bad days.

[23:20] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So now you are, like you said, suicidal. You are suffering and you're heartbroken, but you're still going to work every day. You're still putting on, you know, the continents of a progressive mom. So you're still doing those things in the public. What was that like? Because divorce is not something that you share easily, you know, even with friends and family. So what was it like, you know, putting on that face every day, going out into the world, going to your school, interacting with the kids and the teachers and other folks.

[23:57] ANTOINETTE TUFF: What I call it is called the mask. We all get up every morning, put on your makeup. Some of us do, some of us don't, but we all put on some kind of mask every day. I don't care if you male, female, I don't care what gender you are. Everybody puts on the mask and then it becomes as you're going through, what kind of mask is it? Is it the happy mask right now? Cause I'm feeling real good about myself. Or is it the, ah, I ain't for sure what I'm feeling like. Or is it that sad mask like, okay, this just ain't work. Where I got my car, no do I got this. So we all put on some kind of mask. I did that every day. No one in my school knew that my husband had left. No one knew in my school that I had tried to commit suicide. But just. But my principal and my assistant principal, but at their time, they were teachers and administrators. So in my school I always had like my supply closet. People knew me by the prayer Warriors. So if something was going on, we were going there. I had my oil at my desk. We go in there and pray it out and we would all Go back to our rooms. Every year when I was in the school, I would take my oil. In the summertime when everybody was gone, I will walk through the building and put oil on the doors, oil on the chairs, and pray over the whole building and all that. And so only a couple of people who knew what I did during the summertime and knew what I did during the year knew that I was going through that. It was a time where it was overwhelming and when you put on a mask, you only can be able to fake it for so long. I didn't know that my faking stage was about to end and that everybody around the world was going about to know that. Not only was Antoinette going through trouble, not only was Antoinette about to get her car repossessed and owed the bank $14,000. Not only did Antoinette didn't have any food in the house and wondering how she was going to take care of her son who came to visit her and still ain't gone away because he know the minute he walk out that door, his mama going to be dead. And his sister was in law school at the time and trying to figure out how she's helping everybody and ain't even got a pot her own self to put a ball wall in. When you look at all of that, I call it a mixing bowl. And you try to mix it all up, you can't put it in the pot before the water while the water is boiling because you still trying to put the ingredients in the bowl. So for me, that day and all of that was going on in my life was a mixing bowl. I'm mixing it all up trying to put the ingredients in and it's not all turning out right.

[26:41] KIPLYN PRIMUS: So you were clearly a praying woman before you got into this situation. And I imagine prayer was one of the things that was helping you through the situation. So the day that the world learned Antoinette Tuft's name, let's start with that morning.

[27:03] ANTOINETTE TUFF: That morning on August 20, 2013. I got up that morning like I always did at 4:00, had my prayer time with God. Read my Psalms 23. The Lord is my shepherd, and I shall not want. And he makes me to lie down in green pastures and lead me beside the still waters. And yea, though I walk through the valleys of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil, not knowing that evil was around the corner. I fixed my son lunch and his dinner and I went to work for my three jobs and on my way to work, crying the whole way through because I didn't know What I was going to do, bills was due, cut off, notices everywhere. Car broke down. I mean, it was, you know, car broke down, this going on. You know, it was just a whole lot. I had just borrowed money to get my car out and trying to figure out how I'm gonna pay that back. It was just a lot going on at the moment. It was like. It was like one of those ones like, okay, I'm about to explode. And so when I got there, I parked my car and I was just crying and crying and crying. And so I sat in the car for a few minutes to kind of get myself together. Because like I said, no one knew what was going on. So I couldn't go in there with my mask all in. But, you know, tears on your mask.

[28:18] KIPLYN PRIMUS: That'S not gonna work.

[28:19] ANTOINETTE TUFF: And acting all crazy because nobody didn't know that, you know, I had to go in there, put this, you know, hey, how y'all doing today? You know. And so I was like, okay, come on, Antoinette get it together. So, you know, I'm having that pep talk to myself sitting in the car. So I get out, as soon as I get in the building, my principal says, can you fill in for the secretary for lunch today? And I'm like, I got so much to do. I ain't did none of my stuff over the whole summer. And so he said, I really need you to fill in for the secretary. And I'm like, okay, okay. You know, you say okay when you need the roof over your head, even though normally you wouldn't say okay if, you know, if your money was ching, ching and real good, you wouldn't say it. So I knew my money went ching and chinging real good. So I had to go and say yes. And so he was like, okay, I need you to fill in. And I'm like, okay. So I went to my desk, and I'm still just trying to get it together. So I closed my door, just trying to get it together, and the phone rings. It's the bank wanting $14,000 in seven days unless they was going to repossess my car. So I'm saying to myself, they must didn't get the memo that my ex husband was gone. And he took all the money, everything. I ain't have nothing. And so I'm sitting there just trying to get my tears together and all that. And by this time, the phone rang again. Now I promise you, I was looking at the phone ID that time. Cause I'm like, okay, wait a minute, this can't be the bank. Again, so it was a secretary like, okay, where you at? You ain't, you know, it's lunchtime, you ain't come to relieve me yet and everything. I'm like, okay, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Let me get myself together. So I wipe my eyes and then I open the door. And as soon as I open the door, the teacher standing there and she's like, well, can you help me, Miss Tuff Can you help me, Miss Tuff I'm like, man, I can't. I just can't get it together. So I said, okay, well, come on and walk with me. I gotta go relieve the secretary. So we walk up to the front door and so the secretary was standing there talking to a parent. So she went out of one door and the parent went out the front door. Well, while the parent was going out the front door, most schools have buzzers to it where she didn't decide that she wasn't. She was going to be this nice, kind parent today. So she held the door open for the gunman. So while she's holding the door open, the gunman just walks in. So I'm sitting at the desk with the teacher, we helping her with her paperwork because as the bookkeeper, you know, I gotta do paperwork, administrative work, you know, all kind of stuff. So we sitting there with our heads down with, you know, doing her paperwork. And the next thing I hear was, we are all going to die today. So I looked up and the teacher looked at me and I looked at her and we looked at him and we like, okay, this got to be a joke. But it was eight months after the Sandy Hook school shooting when so many lives had been taken. I'd never seen a gun before, didn't know what ammo or anything like that was. I learned out what all that was afterwards. And here was this 20 year old young man and when I tell y'all, he had death in his eyes, dressed in all black, fearful, overwhelming and anxiety can't even compare to what I felt that moment. He came into that school pacing and going to and fro, let me and that teacher know that we was going to die today. I sat there and I looked at that young man and I was like, okay, Lord, I'm gonna need you to help me. Cause remember I said, the Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want that you make me lie down in the patches of the green of the righteousness. And you got to let me walk this out today because even though it looked dark right now, I'm gonna Need you to come on, shine a little light on that for me. And so I'm just sitting there just talking to God while this young man is just pacing on the floor and he's walking and he's got his gun and all of that. And I'm trying to make sure that we're not gonna get killed and, and all of that. So it was just like an overwhelming time for me. And so I'm saying to myself, okay, we got to get it together, we got to get together. He tells her to go and let everybody know that he's in the building. So she goes and tells everybody and he goes out and starts shooting in the community. Fine rounds everywhere. And so I come back, he comes back and I come back. Because then mentally I'm coming back in my head now, not physically, but mentally, I'm like, okay, he done came back in the room, he about to start shooting in here. Then by this time the cafeteria manager comes in and he didn't see the gunman. So the gunman got angry because he didn't acknowledge him and start shooting in the air, in the room. Overwhelming. So now I got a bullet ricocheting and praying to God that this bullet don't hit nobody. So he tells the cafeteria manager to go let everybody know that he's in the building. I'm sitting there saying to myself, okay, God, do you see what I see? I'm going to need you to help me. It wasn't until today, now that I know why and what I used on August 20, 2013, I call them my Tuff tactics, which is compassion, confidence and control. And no matter how young you are or no matter how old you are, they still are relevant if you have compassion like I did with that young man. I didn't see a 20 year old young man standing before me pacing to and fro with an AK47 and over 500 rounds of ammo. I seen a young man that was crying out for help, just like I was on August 18, going out in front of that car and that truck. I seen a young man that passed several schools to get to my school, parked his car right next to my car. And if that wasn't enough, his car was full of explosives. And so in spite of all of that, he was still crying out for help. And then what I wanted to do, and when I look back at it today, was that I showed some confidence in it. And knowing that in spite of what it was no spider, what I look like for me that I want you to know that I love you unconditionally and we in control of it. Because that's my Tuff tactic. Number three is that how do you show compassion, confidence and control when you got an AK40 in front of you and you sitting there saying to yourself, he going to kill all of us because he didn't set it and we all going to die today. Or maybe is this when he comes down, do all that, and then he takes the AK47 and puts it right up under his chin because he's about to kill himself. And you still gotta show what I call Tuff tactics. Confidence is what you got to show in that midst and staying in control and still showing compassion in the midst of it all. Because you know we all going to die today. That's a day you don't ever want to have to experience. But if you do, use my Tuff tactics with that.

[35:15] KIPLYN PRIMUS: But Antoinette, he was letting everyone else leave and you were the only. You were having to stay. Did you think, let me get out of here, did you. I mean, did you think to run? Did any of those things come into your mind?

[35:31] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, I had several times that I could leave. But what came into my mind that it was over 870 innocent children, staff and parents in that room and in that school. It was the busiest time of the day when he came in. So normally we would have an office full of parents and students. Somebody gotta be on the front line to intercede. And that day was my day to be on the front line. And that's what I'm doing every day. Today I wanted to go back into that school district where that gunman held me hostage. And I said to myself, antoinette, how can you go back to change children's and families lives? And how can you go back and change adults lives in all of it? And the way that I do that is I have my Antoinette Tuff where people go and actually hire me to do my professional speaking. They come out and say, okay, Antoinette, I want you to be able to show my team what does that look like? And so they go to my antoinetuff.com website and book me. I even did that in my movie, which is based off my book Prepared for a Purpose, and did my movie, which is called Faith Under Fire, where we have actually won the Christopher Award for 8 million views that weekend that it viewed. And so then I said, okay, I'm doing that. Answering, how do you come back now and do it on the side of children? I launched my nonprofit, which is Kids on the Move for Success, where I come back and be able to impact Children from pre K all the way up to high school and my Discovery Steam mentoring program. And then also in my knowledge, is powerful and literacy program. And then I said, okay, Antoinette, come on, you gotta do a little something else now. Come on. Then I launched youth Trailblazers. We come back now and advocate for gun violence in our schools and in our communities about safety. And so, you know, they say, antoinette, you are the expert of safety negotiation. You know, I'm like, I ain't do all that. And they say, yes, you are. Yes, you did.

[37:29] KIPLYN PRIMUS: Because instead of him shooting up the school, you ended up praying with this young man and was able to take the situation from what it could have been into something completely different. So, yeah, I think you've got some kind of negotiation skills. And the other thing, Antoinette, is that a lot of people could have wrote the book, did the movie, taken the money, and been in Tahiti. What is it about you that made you feel the need to give so much back to the community? And you've talked about your kids programs, but to me, one of your main kids programs is the literacy program, because when you know how to read, that just. It changes your life. But you've got a strong literacy program in your outreach to children. But why did you decide to do that? Because you could have taken the money and been in Bora Bora. I mean, why did you feel the need to give something back?

[38:38] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, I felt the need. I took all that money and I launched my nonprofit and I give kids scholarships. So August 25th and the 27th is Antoinette Tufts Day. And so I wanted to come back and give kids opportunities to get education and that they can go back to school like I did with my kids. And the opportunities that I didn't do and the demographics that we deal with are homeless and foster kids and they all live in at risk communities. And the school that I selected was a school where the principal now and the assistant principal, who was the teacher and administrator that helped save my life and pray for me in that room. I went back to their school and launched those programs. I wanted to come back and give back to our kids because I had kids calling me at my home in Dallas, Texas, saying, my kids listened to you when you was in that elementary school. They are now in middle school and high school, and they're not doing well. And I need your help. See, it was the cry of the children, just like it was on August 20, 2013, that made me leave my Dallas, Texas address to come back to Atlanta to make a difference into my kids. Lives, but not only just those that are in the Atlanta area. The next thing that we're going to do is go expand my program in Dallas, Texas. Then we're going to go to Chicago and Washington, D.C. and then continuously expanded in here in Atlanta area. So when I come back, you'll see Antoinette Tuff with babies and families all over the world just making a difference. But what I tell my kids is that when we reach one, you got to reach one. So not only am I doing it, but my kids are reaching one to be able to bring them in so that we can make a difference. And I wanted to do literacy because I had a young man that was in my program last year that was in fifth grade reading on kindergarten level. That is not acceptable for me. I tell my kids that, you know, one day I'm gonna get a little bit older and I'm gonna need you to put the right diapers on me, and I need you to read them to know how I won't. And so it was important for me when I realized that was that they're not getting it. And so now people continuously donate to me. And we ask people all over the world to continuously donate on our kids on TheMoveForSuccess.org so that I can take back these funds and give them back to our kids. We live on a small overhead amount of 10%, and that 90% goes back to our kids so that we can be able to show them what it looks like for those who are adults that really care about their future.

[41:04] KIPLYN PRIMUS: Well, I want to thank you so much for sharing just a little bit about the Antoinette Tuff story. And I just have to ask, are you pleased that you got represented by Toni Braxton in the movie? I mean, did you choose her? How did that come about?

[41:23] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Well, you know, I. God has a sense of humor. I tell him I don't choose anybody. He chooses them all for me. So I didn't know who was going to play me and what they were going to do. I did go on set on the movie to see it to show them how to play me and what I wanted to do as far as not having the principle to be a female, a male, but a female. And so I had a lot of input on characters and things like that, but I wanted to be kind of shocked of who they was going to select to be me and all that. So it was a great experience. I'll tell anybody you don't want to go through an AK47 to experience, but it was a great one.

[41:57] KIPLYN PRIMUS: And thank God the car and the truck missed you on August 18th so that you could be where you were supposed to be on August 20th. Antoinette, Tuff thanks so much for what you're doing and what you've done and for taking the time to share with us this afternoon.

[42:13] ANTOINETTE TUFF: Thank you. It was a pleasure to be here with you today. Yes. On the story Corps Atlanta.