Autoethnographic Interview ft. Maddy Connolly

00:00 We're here together in San Jose, California at Branham High School in English class to share our auto ethnographic personal narrative for our senior final. My name is Ashley Nguyen and I'm with Maddy Connolly. Maddy wrote a story about her journey with Catholicism and how the events in the past couple of years have played a part in developing her faith. I'm excited to introduce her to you and to have you hear her story. It's called Seeing through the Eyes of Christ. Maddy would you like to share your story now?

00:27 Of course. I grew up with a white stained glass church, going to mass only when we are free on Sunday. The choir singing Be Not Afraid as we stood in front of the altar waiting to receive communion from the priest. Gentle faced and draped in a green cassock, I was born into Catholicism. On Sundays, my sister and I didn't have soccer or softball games. My parents would drag us along to church, which we both dreaded. At the time. I rarely understood the scripture. I always zoned out, and I plainly just didn't want to sit through an hour long Mass. But it is because my family has been so deeply rooted in Catholicism that I too believe in God. My faith started out as a tiny poppy seed that would eventually blossom into a beautiful mature flower. At this point in my life, I relied heavily on worldly validation. I loathed the person I was predominantly because because of the way my face and body looked. According to societal demands, I didn't fit the beauty standard. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I would be incessantly reminded that I will never fit into the beauty standard. I was always looking for someone's approval. Not only had I been insecure about my appearance, but I had also been insecure about whether or not my dreams of becoming a Division 1 softball player would become a reality. My mind had been a blender of precariousness. As these intrusive thoughts crept their way into my mind, fear and anxiety would crash over my body like the waves in a stormy sea. The epitome of fear. For years I battled my mind in silence, trying to stay optimistic by telling myself, it's going to get better. It never did. Once the pandemic swept the earth, sending us all into mass isolation, the anxiety transformed into depression. I had never felt so alone in a world full of peace, miserable and lost. The days went by slowly, but my mind continued to race. Sitting on my bean bag, crimson red and lying on the foot of my bed, I found myself scrolling through TikTok when I came across a video about worship music. The sweet soothing beat of the music, the angelic comforting voice filling the room. The woman's song raised goosebumps on my skin. Something inside me shifted. I had been numb for so long and now I had finally felt something. A battle that no human being could ever claim victory on their own. In the midst of my depression and loneliness, God reached His hand out to me and pulled me out of the darkness. A single tear shed down my cheek as I felt every word touch and heal my soul. In that moment I realized that I had never truly known God. I was a believer with no foundation. My relationship with Jesus had only been surface deep. I had finally apprehended that the things of this world are temporary and unfulfilling. My whole life I felt as if I were walking on ice sheets. One misstep and I would be swallowed whole by the bone chilling dark abyss of the sea. During the pandemic we could not attend in person Mass. However, the church provided it online. So whether my family and I packed ourselves into the white Ford Expedition en route to a softball tournament or gathered around in the Libya room sitting on the cold chocolate leather couch on Sunday we could participate in church from anywhere we wanted to be. I missed the odor of burning candle wick in the church, the way the atmosphere of the parish felt like a secure, warm, enveloping hug. I longed for the presence of God as the priest delivered the homily. Ever since I decided to fully devote myself and dedicate my life to serving the Lord, I felt and looked different. Through the Lord I have been made new. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 I fully submerged myself in my faith and with each day the Lord has pieced my life back together like a puzzle. I learned the importance of saving myself for marriage. I vowed to begin to treat people the way that Jesus treats people people. As my relationship with Jesus continued to blossom, I realized that God never meant for Christianity to be a religion. He intended it to be a relationship. If one claims to be a part of the Christian church or claims to be submissive to the Christian religion, but does not attempt to develop a personal relationship with God, then they do not truly know God. They may know of God, but they do not fully understand the great works he performs in each of our lives. Through my journey with the Lord, I have discovered that at the end of the day he simply just wants a relationship with Every single one of us. There is no religion that one must submit to before running to Christ. He just wants us to know him. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28. He tells us to come as we are. I had been broken and lost before I knew God. However, when I decided to go to the Lord as I was, he revealed to me how to heal and grow with each coming day. My relationship with God continues to deepen ever since. Ever since I have submerged myself in my faith, I see the world in a different light. I view people as something deeper than just plain skin and bone. People are wired to need one another because life is a tremendously difficult path to walk alone. I have learned that this world will never fulfill us, even considering all the material things it has to offer. Life is never about the things you possess, rather the way you treat others and the way you walk through life with Christ.

06:20 Oh, wow, that's an. That's amazing. I'm glad you were able to find your religion as a way to get through the tough times of COVID and then strengthen your faith today. Is there anything you do differently today regarding your involvement in your community compared to before COVID Yes.

06:35 I attend church more often and I read my Bible now so that I have more. So that I'm more involved and present in the readings of the scripture at church. And then recently I have been confirmed into the church, which means I have been made. I've made the choice to commit and to continue my faith in the Catholic Church as an adult in the church. And so to achieve that, I had to go through a weekly confirmation class to deepen my understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

07:05 Oh, nice. And how does that make you feel?

07:08 I see the world differently now. I have more positive. I have a more positive outlook on the world and the people in it. I've learned how to forgive and how to treat others. And I've also learned how to be more gracious and understanding. I always try to find the good in people, even if in the people that I don't particularly like.

07:31 And since then, do you think you've had an influence on your family or friends involvement in Catholicism?

07:36 Yeah, I think. I think I've really impacted my sister the most of all people because I've just helped her deepen her understanding and like faith in God. And I feel like that was kind of a little bit of my job as an older sister to help move my sister in that direction. And then I think I've also impacted my parents a lot. They've seeing me get excited about going to church, I think has made them more excited to go to church and just has made us better people overall.

08:16 Oh, yeah, that's great to hear. And now in moments, you find yourself struggling with life's difficult moments. Is there anything you have found helps you cope during these times?

08:26 I found that just talking to Jesus about my problems or any trials that I've been going through has really helped instead of internalizing those things. And so like whenever, just for anybody, whenever you're going through a problem, just pray on it. Talk to, talk to God about it. He always has the answer. You can answer your prayers and God speaks through you in very different ways through like, just like events that happen in your life. That's where I see it mostly. And I mean, when I talk with God about my problems, it takes a lot of the worry and burden off of my chest and I just give him the. My worry and my doubt and it just takes away that anxiety so I don't feel all those emotions.

09:24 Yeah, that's great to hear. Maddy thank you for answering your questions. It was a really powerful story that you shared. Yeah, thank you for sharing it.

09:32 Thank you for having me.