Beatrice Wilder and Leandra Wilder

00:00 We are now recording.

00:04 Hello, good morning. This is Beatrice Wilder and I am 58 years old. Today is Saturday January 30th, 2021. We are located in Atlanta Georgia. And I have the pleasure to talk today and to be interviewed by my lovely daughter. I am 22 years old again. Today is Saturday January 30th. I am also in Atlanta Georgia saying next to my beautiful mother Beatrice Wilder doctor just to start this conversation. I think that I kind of want to go chronological and interview you excited. I know you been running around all day just being so nervous. I'm so excited. This is little backstory. It's actually are my Christmas gift to my mom and I thought we did something.

01:04 Marshall and solidify the lovely voice of Beatrice out there. So I guess I'll go piano heard tales and I guess I can I want to actually get yourselves to refill in Germany southern part of Germany and live there until I was twenty-five and then we moved to the United States. So pretty much grew up there. I'm heading my childhood there and throwing up and German word for grandparents. And so those are my parents that I grew up with and I felt very fortunate to grow up in a very loving very open house. We had a big house.

02:04 We had some free stories. Basically. I'm in the top story on when I was going up. My grandmother lived with us after my grandfather passed away. And so she she lived there for some years and then when I was a teenager and she passed away as well. So I had some was fortunate to get to know her a little bit better. And then when she passed away we had several people always living in our house. We had to Boston conductor to African lady that took some languages to students that lived in our house. So my parents always rented out rooms in the house and it was a very like I said by open International kind of upbringing so I always appreciated that my parents have been always very very supportive and all my Endeavors all my ideas what I wanted to do and so I I believe it

03:04 I think is a child teenager growing up in Germany. I had some freedoms. I had some you know, what are summer times were off. We were both going on a bicycle being gone the whole day playing miniature golf going to the swimming pool. So I'm very different to what teenagers today are kind of face with going off with salt and I can only say much much positive things always I was a single child. So my sister was much older than I am so she was 17 years old or so I consider a single child because I never had anybody around me, but don't get to my family in the future about how you're very similar to Emma with your tea and different mannerisms. It's always interesting. So I guess as your

04:04 Daughter I want to ask you know, what was your relationship like with your parents?

04:08 Yeah, like I said very very very good. They open I mean we discussed things. I mean not very much. I think my parents are very much Hands-On on my father was a very gregarious person. You love to love to party. He left he was involved in the Lion's Club and she was the responsible person to organize all the festivities all the club activities. They had a friendship club with a shop in Italy. So we travel to Italy go to know some people there for some friendships are so so I think my dad was kind of like my hero he was really super nice person and a little bit of background my family originally from the eastern part of Germany my parents.

05:08 Lived in the castle when they grew up and then in 45, they had to leave everything behind and come to the west and were able to build up their life. They are so I think my my parents always had this in their background that they were sad that they left it and had to leave it but they build up a new life and and and brought this positive Ness. And yes, you can do with music and start again into a new life and kind of gave me that as well kind of like your world is open. You just have to make it you have to get it you have to try to do it and I think they always encouraged me to try to to be open to things. So that's how I ended up eventually in the United States marry an American and being far away from Germany. I always wish I got to know I'm going to be a little bit better. I think I was too young to really get to know them which kind of sucks because I know that I might had some incredible stories about you know, it's coming from East Germany.

06:08 Germany in bribing an officer and you know really just taking it upon herself to raise the family over in the west and Kobe pasty strong woman. I think I always was the last 3 months in her own home watch from Social Services in Germany and and and kept her strong Traditions her tea in the afternoon and she her toast in the morning her on a 96 birthday. She celebrated unfortunately in the hospital, but she had so she invited some friends and their celebrated in the cafeteria. They had some white tablecloths there and some pain, of course, you have to have something for your birthday presents and the rest of the old lady's all kind of in their Advanced age and my mother looked around

07:08 Who won the first thing? She said I do not think this is correct. And then everybody looked at her and said so what you mean? Well the two gentlemen should be sitting next to the birthday girl. So she birthday order sew ins and everybody set in the correct order and that stuff was my mom celebrating and so we will have to celebrate we still do we celebrate Christmas traditional in American way and it's important milestones and Jen's the family life that we have to get that gets very strong family ties for me always get everything but pretty much every Sunday. We have a big brunch, you know, we get bagels and the takeout, you know the charcuterie board.

08:07 And everything and I really have always appreciate that time because I know a lot of my friends growing up. They never really had dinner together with their families or you know breakfast. We just eat cereal together together. So I think I've always been appreciative of the fact that you and Dad work so hard to you know, make sure that we spend time as a family like no TV no phones at the table which in retrospect was a really good idea at the time. I was annoyed by a cuz I was a teenager but you know now looking at it from this point of view, I think it's something that I want to continue with my iPad keep up that tradition like that really just ties into my memory of Germany, you know, whenever we were with, she would always have this big sprawl for you no breakfast. We both the baker in the mornings and he was always so sweet and it was really cool to go to the farmers markets that are always there. I think it's like some of my very favorite memories and

09:07 You know my child growing up. Let's don't forget the once a day. What was your favorite memory?

09:23 I think one of my favorite memories with growing up was going to my grandparents house then when I was little so like I said, you know my my grandfather passed away probably when I was about 9 or so at 9 something like that and then my grandmother lived with us another five years or so in our house, but we lived in the southern part of Germany. So I know I'm back and then we always had to take a long long trip. It was ages in my memory. Of course. It was something like maybe 5 hours for Americans. That's nothing that's like going to the beach but for us it was a big trip. So we went up north to see the relatives and to see my at my grandparents and my grandparents moved in the house that was totally covered by Juan Vines and there were some cows all around there like a note the metal surrounded and before we got there. It was always the most exciting because we had to go through this big Alleyway. There were huge big trees that kind of her like a canopy and you drove through that the street

10:23 Went through that and my dad like I said always very kind of fun loving he would open all the windows of the House of the car. And then we all had to scream we are here. We are coming grandma grandpa. We are coming. So we did that. I'm all the way up until we go to the house and I'm to go to the house and the most exciting thing for me was to run upstairs in my bed and see what my grandmother would have put their because she always had some little toy or something and John and I had still not everything was like it is now so my my grandmother had a helper in the house and she was lovely. I called your Andrew and down she would always, you know, I would help her back to him. I would help her things and we didn't even have like a washing machine. So she would actually wash the clothes and I like

11:23 You'd speak parks where she would kind of like put some hot water and end Milling around with a big wooden stick. I mean it's ridiculous about it right now. And so that's and Underwood says and run some papers and you know what, I would help her in the garden. And so that was that was one big memory and we always plants are German card game called Scott's which will also taught taught you guys and and play it now, so I'll talk to you again for three people and it's a little bit like the cards and you know, my my parents drinking some good wine, and I'm just talkin so that's why I remember that.

12:20 That's awesome. I mean, I wish I could you know, I wish I could have experienced. I died. I know we've been to what I've been fortunate to have traveled. I think that's against something that I really appreciated and you know something that's very unique her, you know, I guess it was a privilege about the life that I've loved, you know, we've been able to travel so much and seen always for cultures in these different places and has made me the person I am today cuz I love you know.

12:52 You know interacting with new people and being with new people and obviously the pandemic has hindered that but you know, it's still something that I find it I try to strive for whether it's reading a book or you know on social media try to interact with different people and I guess that's obviously translated and passionate about human rights and civil rights and all this stuff. So I guess again, what was something you're passionate about when you're younger. Did you pursue it in later in life or have you just kind of change your perspective children are always have kind of fascinating enough to babysit when I was a teenager and I just don't think it's it's one of the most rewarding things to do with kids and I like languages. So when I was growing up, I am kind of wanted to actually be a translator and of course not just the regular translator, but I was going to be a translator for the United.

13:52 Pictures of something

14:03 But then I was not always the best student so I kind of like one in Germany go to school forever and ever and ever. So I had it all together. I think 14 years of school and I was done with this. So after that I decided I applied for like an old pair of position in Toronto Canada and I went to Toronto for a year and just stayed in the family there and had three children there to take care of and John two boys and one little girl and the girl kind of reminds me a lot of you she had a lot of spunk and a lot of kind of like a I'm going to do my own thing and it was the first time that it was really kind of on my own.

14:55 Having to deal with these things and I'm going to be the right thing to do. So and I really kind of found a little bit the cards to just thought he may be admitted to think about medicine and it may be just study Pediatrics because that's what I really really enjoyed and it's interesting because growing up in Germany. There's a lot of people that always tell you you can't do things. There's no there's the teachers that are sometimes not very encouraging and kind of putting you down because you're different are you it's it's really all you a girl or you are not right or you don't seem to be too interested in their studies because it's kind of a very boring lesson. So I remember going to a place that we could go to a final years of school. He could go to a place and they would say it

15:55 Tell you all you know, you could study this so I could study that and I talk to this gentleman and I said, you know, I really really would be interested in studying to become a physician's because I don't have the A+ grades. I have good grades, but I don't have I could be fastest but I didn't have the 8 buses that you need to study medicine. Why don't you think positive and well, you know, I don't know. He said if you really want to do this, I think it's a fabulous idea and I think that was the first time that somebody really except my parents. Of course, we always were supportive but it was the first time that somebody really said you can do this you you can survive the coldest winter that I can ever imagine.

16:47 And then came back and and then my mom who is sometimes I was a little bit over taking as you know, I decided sometimes things for you a little bit. She's decided that it would be a fabulous idea if her daughter would be studying economics in the same city that her parents lived and I looked at my mama said was thank you very much, but I really do not want to study economics. I don't know anything, but I cannot lie and just interested. I would like to study medicine. So she said, okay well ended up that again through all the context of my parents having an open house to having people in the house. We had a professor from hungry.

17:36 Time for a conference uses rented the house rented a room in our house for like a few days. I'm just to go to conference and keep it talk and economics. So she was an economics professor. I'm from Budapest and she said before German students. I'm to start studying medicine in Budapest Hungary was a new idea. So they had the very first year and they were going to take 20 students from Western Germany at that time to kind of come there. And of course, you know, we had to pay some some American dollars. So we have to pay some hardcore the timer at to come over there if you wanted to and I said fantastic, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fly there and their

18:36 Hungary and start studying medicine. They are not knowing the language and a professor. Some of them spoke German very well English and some of them again another challenge that I look back at. That was very challenging in the beginning. They found me very good friend and I shared an apartment with and in the Longmont open my doors then to the transfer to come to Germany to study medicine then

19:07 I can't wait for you. It's very very very tough time for all of you right now, especially since coronavirus time for you and I feel kind of bad about that because last year was Smokey and of your college and you had your last College semester in our basement, which is wonderful but some are so wonderful for you until you had your graduation virtually. So something that says a lot of people always seem to look forward to and we certainly love celebrating with your three older brothers that had graduation celebration. So and now everything is pretty much.

20:07 I think it's nice to challenging the sense that you know dealing with kind of the isolation of pandemic and you know, we are just when you're young or the 26th talking to you so much. Sometimes take one for the team and just realize that you know life is there so much more time that I have in some people don't have a lot of time so, you know, just so, you know hold out and wait for the opportunities when it arrives when I arrive in not trying to push them might be irresponsible. But yes, I will be a who do you feel is a person that impacted you most in your life growing up both my parents my my my dad and my mom I think there were the most influential from me. Of course. I have friends 2 + 2 and G. No like this just in your teenage time you

21:07 All kind of tend to, not want to have to do so much with your parents. I think I had a rebellious phase where I was not into all the traditions and to all the ocean on staying home doing this. I wanted to travel like my my friends were able to travel the whole summer with their friends and my parents said, I don't think that's you know, right in your age strange that you should do that to go on into real. So my one of my biggest goals was to finally go to Israel and I did when I was finish school, I went with them three other girlfriends and we went for one month traveling with a backpack through Europe. We went to France and Portugal and Spain so and we traveled and it was fabulous, but it wasn't quite like what I imagined it was going to be because seeing all the campgrounds got harder and harder and to put up a tent all the time. Then we had to cook for ourselves being really didn't have any money. So the girls didn't want to go to the museum.

22:07 Play all the time at the beach. So we all have a little bit different kind of ideas about this to the person that I am handsome. And like I said, I think I'm forever grateful for that to to to to be like that and to be out to be able to to really kind of accomplish so much. If you look back at it, so tell us things which has been going through a lot of things. I had to go through mentally and emotionally personally never where do you want to put in there has always been nice to know that I was never not accepted in this household, you know for whatever it was that happened. Do you know it was always there's a play

23:07 Au jus and never feel like I was rejected which is like

23:16 Three older brothers and to be the youngest one to be the girl and it is not an easy easy position. And do you know you don't have handled it sometimes with the head through the wall like I'm in a very strong way and you always will be a very courageous strong-willed personality that is not afraid to speak up and we'll will stay away but I think in all that outside bravado that you have there's a lot of heart inside of you in a lot of you know, loving and thinking about other people which I would jump

23:55 Skiing family tell me about how you met dad. Long story. Okay. So here we go. Again, we start with my parents always goes back to that contract and I'm not back on my mom was multi-language. She spoke several languages. So including English French some Portuguese German, of course, so she if she was really really I kind of didn't have any problems with his speaking language to talk to people. She had them so she had to be involved in the german-american Friendship back and and again, I think it came back from

24:55 You know losing everything in the second world war on my father was a officer in the German Army and was captured by the Americans were some time. But but they always treated him very well. And of course when Germany than spit up and Western half and a nice turn off my parents made it to come to the Western lost everything in that in that transition except for some of their belonging and friendship club with the Americans and my mom had a cooking class for American women in the Officers Club from the Americans. So so she had like all these ladies and general Brown & Brown

25:55 Top 10 when he was later to be the cadet Hostess in West Point her husband had passed away in the meantime the general and she was laughing at West Point and I actually when I grew out my sister is much older than I am like I mentioned before she's 17 years older than I am and also happens to be married to an American to live outside of Washington DC. And so I spend XP some Summers with them when I was a teenager and just would visit my sister and her family. So one of those visits I was so I think it was 17 or 18. I'm almost there in the summertime and mrs. Brown. We had to contact with my mom and she said, you know, you are that's fabulous. Just your daughter said she should just come over intercom to see me like in West Point at 6. Unless I go to West Point. So I went there and I came from Ring Weekend and ring weekend was a big deal because it was pain.

26:55 Cadets we're in the final year and they got their wings and they were going to graduate soon and I got there and

27:03 They said you know, you should go and dance with me. So I met the first ladies that were all there and they all talked about who they're going to gauge my ears and we're going to the dance and how much they have been together with and he had was from Germany staying I'm just here for a few days and I have no idea how I'm going to go with the dance with and I'm not engaged to anybody. So I ended up meeting this young man and his mom keeps on going. So here we go. Actually at that time at this ring weekend because he was graduating from West Point. We did never met at that time, so we didn't know anything but ended up going to Germany.

28:03 Going to know I'm back and he ended up first storm coming to the moon and back and not knowing anything about us about having a sponsor and his phone said his name was Charlie and Charlie Ali Khan zand. You still very dear friend of ours Shahrukh Khan's was a sponsor and he sponsor was supposed to come take a little bit on its wings. And so Charlie actually do you have to come to Germany have to meet the special? So you have to get to know them so he came to our house and he was different Christmas and we knew him he came for some dinners and and he was a little bit older than I was so I was kind of funeral kind of like, oh my God, she's like fabulous. But yeah, I was like a very Charming Charming Charming Charming Man and so a bunch of

29:03 Sponsoring and we're doing this and we're going to London and we going to San Tropez and we so here we go. Charlie left here to go back and look at that time. He decided. Oh, yes, let's go ahead and get that fabulous address of the shells to my person. I'm sponsoring to Peter and that time. Unfortunately, I had already left the house and I was at that time and hungry like I told before so I invited you never knew anything about me. But anyway, I'm called him.

29:49 Peter I know they would like you to come over why don't you come for dinner and so my husband and our end pizza last good food is a fantastic cook. I'm very very fortunate to have a great husband that can cook and he came over and my mom made some good dinner. She was a very very good cook and my dad always like to have a good drink before dinner with the oxygen her so like some whiskey so they hit it off. So my and he saw a picture of me and she is actually not even hungry and I just think so. I just got to come back. So at that time he had a girlfriend and you know that

30:49 I'm dumb. I start studying medicine in the pool and

30:53 I was kind of interested in the son of the Pediatrics Professor. All right, we only have 10 more minutes. Didn't work out. So he just didn't quite the couldn't quite make it and then Pete invited us over to his house and he said well, why don't you come over to my house? So the first time I met PGA cooked us dinner and was very nice, but I was not interested because I had other interest like a side and well long story short he kept on trying you kept on inviting me to come do something get together go for dinner. I said, I'm busy. I don't have time. I saw him at my parents house one time. I thought he was nice, but always the jokester and not really my necessary.

31:53 Making fun of me was like never serious. Can you imagine that's not tell me we stay at some point. I decided I was going to go on a date with him because he invited me to go to this nice restaurant. It was Hawaiian restaurant in places and she arrives there and he is supplying most of the evening. So why is he crying? So he has long since he was playing racquetball in the morning and his glasses got broken. So he had the choice either to wear his really sick Rim black military with glasses or to wear some contact lenses. Would you just recently got so he decided to wear the contact lenses with the success that he was crying most of the evening.

32:53 Smoke in the in the restaurant and we had interesting evening because we really didn't know much about each other had to find some common ground to talk about me in a student that has been an officer saw it. It was interesting, but we made it and we went on some future dates and you know American a baby. Here we are.

33:30 And obviously when dad was gone at Desert Storm, how are you able to handle raising a newborn baby while also pursuing a medical career with him gone. You know how it's how you handle that. We were very fortunate to always have some help with you guys because we would not have been able to make it without any help. So when I was

33:56 Yeah, I'm Desert Storm. So the first time he's been off to to go to to the war and he has my oldest son at that time was 9 months old and I was working in the hospital internal medicine at that time in Germany and we had a young lady from England and she was all au pair girl and she lived with us so she helped us out because I had to sometimes leave very early in the morning. I had to sometimes go at night time or the weekend. Of course. We also had my parents which is like half an hour away. That's it helped out, but it was a very difficult time because at that time it was just at CNN had just started to come toward zen zen. Zen Thai in a gift update on the war and we didn't really know what was going on. So I had this tiny little television at that time trying to get some

34:56 Information thank God just your dad only what's gone for 5 months and we were very lucky but it was it was tough. I had like in that five months. I think I had to two letters and no phone conversations. Of course. Now you have FaceTime and you have all the possibilities to kind of get in contact with each other, but we didn't know much we just hoped and prayed in hope that everything was going to go well and and then one of the significant moments when he did come back finally San Andreas at the time was Def Leppard older than a year and he started started walking and he

35:40 Didn't recognize his dad so he came up to me and he ran to me and he was afraid of his dad. And I think that was the biggest Dino point where we said. Okay, we have to maybe make some changes and dad said that, you know, the military is not going to be forever for him and then he came back and

36:03 All right. Well, did you ever think about going back to me? If you moved here we might still in the future may be live there for a little bit. But I think I've been always very very happy about everything here in the states and all the opening doors that I had. So if I just wanted we have short time to the last question that you have just so I would say the one thing that I wished.

36:43 Houston I really think that you should find a passion and work on that. I know that you have a knack for a six-sided about that and economics very good about that. So I think if you dream is going to go to go and study abroad study in England coach London School of Economics or whatever. I think it's a tremendous possibility and you know where we are going to support you in anything and I think you know 5 is the hardest to do that. That's my first one and the second one. They close to your family would love you to stay close to your brother's although there. Sometimes very different and you are and what they love you dearly and we hope in the future, you know how long you're going to be around but that is going to be your anchor and your support forever because they're their family and they come stay with you and

37:44 Find a few that you close to I still have a few that I feel close to him very fortunate from from Germany also from from here from the states that I met and keep those contracts up. It's not easy to kind of keep working on it. And like I said, I think you are a wonderful person and she get around that little bit tough out-of-area very very loving and thank you for for doing this this was walking around here. I don't think there's anything it's not like you're some Hometown Christmas never left.

38:37 But no, I mean I appreciate that advice. You know, it's one of those things where you know, I'm young and I think I know everything but you know, you have to keep one more thing. I couldn't have done it with without the support of your dad's. I mean all true healing for children going to Residence here in the United States being able to build a career have to be a partner in Pediatrics office. All of that would not have been possible without your dad really being steadfast support and I really really sent him. I mean example of few know

39:16 You know, we talked about like feminism or you know, we always have conversations that equality. I think it was really I think.

39:24 Dad Levi the really good male role model in the sense that you know, he kind of took the back seat to let you know pursue what you wanted to pursue and he kind of you know, but his stuff aside for a second Bill allowing you to you know, both have a family and have a stellar medical career which is not always easy. And you know, I think that I don't think

39:47 At least in my opinion. I think a lot of people are selfless in that sense that they put themselves to the side and say, you know, all right. Well, I love my partner enough to let them do their thing and they love me enough to you know, let me pursue my passion because it's kind of what you've been doing for the past couple years early and everything like that, you know, you support him and I think it's difficult warning on challenging career and financial management that will be for some time, you know, after the military after moving you to the state trying a few things, you know, it was It was kind of difficult what to look out for what to do. But you know, I think I was at the time really able to support him and let you know the times he supported me a lot. So I'm

40:48 That's the main thing and sometimes it's hard because you go through times for you. You know, like I remember one of the key times that I came home from residency and I was exhausted from your working the whole night coming back the next day and unless was at the time of my oldest son. He was at that time maybe or 5 or something and he came running to me. Oh Mom. It's so good to see you. Thank you for visiting us today. And there's so much that goes on and it just annoys and empty had the privilege not always very very thankful that I was able to combine career and family because I think most important isn't will always be family.

41:48 Well, thank you for taking the time to do the interview with me.