Bette Myerson and Mya Coursey

[00:07] BETTE MYERSON: Good morning. My name is Bette Myerson. I'm here in Taos, New Mexico, with my friend Mya Coursey and I'm 76 years old. The date today is March 17, 2023.

[00:22] MYA COURSEY: Good morning. I'm Mya Coursey I'm here interviewing my friend Bette Myerson about her mother, Natalie Salter Myerson. I'm 76 years old, and it's a really snowy day here. March 17, 2023.

[00:56] BETTE MYERSON: What I think we can start doing.

[01:01] MYA COURSEY: All right. Sorry about that. March is Women's History Month, and we look forward to sharing the story of a remarkable woman who lived more than a century of that history. I'll be interviewing my friend Bette Myerson about her mother, Natalie Salter Myerson, who passed away last year at the age of 102. Natalie was born in 1920, just months before the 19th amendment gave american women the right to vote in federal elections. 19 us presidents served during her time. During her lifetime, she was actively involved in planning her own centennial celebration when the pandemic put the brakes on large gatherings. Natalie Myerson passed away peacefully at her home in Santa Barbara, California, in September 2022. Hi, Bette First, I want to ask why you were interested in recording your mother's story today.

[02:00] BETTE MYERSON: Both of us, Mya and I and many others are involved in an organization here in Taos called Tent, which stands for Taos elders and neighbors. Together, it's a member of the village to village network that helps provide services for people, mostly elders, so that they can remain independent and stay in their own homes. At the request of a friend, I wrote an article about my mother for the publication of tent, which is called intentions. So in the February issue of intentions is a cover story about Natalie Myers, then one of my friends from Tent said, Bette the story corps is coming to Taos. Why don't you talk about your mother at the story corps? So here we are.

[02:59] MYA COURSEY: Okay. My impression that Natalie was a very social people person with a strong set of values. Tell me about her upbringing, how her parents and her early life might have shaped who she became.

[03:17] BETTE MYERSON: Mother was, as you said, born in 1920 in Massachusetts and grew up in Brookliness with her parents and three older brothers. Her family often summered at a family home on Cape Cod. She went on to Gocher College in Baltimore, Maryland, and graduated as an english major. She frequently reminded us, returning to her parents home in Brookline. Following college, she met a handsome young naval officer who was training at the Harvard Training School for the Navy. They married in 1943 and enjoyed 63 wonderful years of marriage until my father died in 2006.

[04:15] MYA COURSEY: So it was sort of unusual for her to go to college during that time, wasn't it?

[04:25] BETTE MYERSON: Perhaps it was. My parents, my grandparents had a very strong focus on education. All four of their children graduated from college. A part of that is because of their jewish faith. Jewish people tend to be very focused on education and the importance of their.

[04:52] MYA COURSEY: So you said that your parents met while he was training for the military, and that was about wartime.

[05:02] BETTE MYERSON: Yes, it was wartime, and they right away got married, which never ceases to amaze me because they were both very practical people. To have gotten married just before he went off to the war shows how much they loved each other. And fortunately for us all, he came back unscathed from World War two.

[05:28] MYA COURSEY: And during the time he was away, where did your mom stay?

[05:33] BETTE MYERSON: Mother stayed in Chicago with his family. Her mother very intelligently suggested that since she was going to be living in Chicago near these people or with these people to begin with, that she should get to know them and become their daughter. So she moved to Chicago where his parents lived. And he came from and lived with them for the two years that he was gone. He came back in 1945 when the war ended, and they immediately conceived me. I was born eight months and three weeks later.

[06:22] MYA COURSEY: So. And the relationship between your mother and her in laws was a pretty good one.

[06:30] BETTE MYERSON: It sounds like it was excellent. They were. They were wonderful people who were very happy to welcome her into the family, and she was very welcome, very happy to join that family of this man that she had fallen in love with. So they lived in Chicago for a number of years, through my high school years, and then moved to California, to Los Angeles, where my father was working for the Max Factor Corporation as an international manager.

[07:03] MYA COURSEY: Before you go any further, California, let me ask you to describe your earliest recollections of family life and the household you grew up in in Chicago, because that was certainly the bigger part of your. Well, it was all your childhood there. So talk to us a little bit about what that was like.

[07:27] BETTE MYERSON: We friends and I were talking the other day about the fact that what you grow up with is what you know and what you think is the normal in the world. And so I grew up in this suburb of Chicago with these very kind, generous parents, and I didn't know that not everybody has a life like that. I had a younger brother. I still do, three years younger. And we went to school. We had family vacations. They taught us about the arts and appreciating the arts. They took us to the symphony. They took us to Broadway shows. They took us to art museums and other museums. Chicago has wonderful museums, a museum of science and industry and yard institute and all kinds of great places. And they took us to a dude ranch one summer in Colorado. They took us to see our other grandparents in Boston. They took us to places of historical interest so we would learn about our country and gave us a pretty well rounded experience as children to learn about. Learn about the world.

[08:59] MYA COURSEY: And you, when you and I were talking earlier, I got the impression your mother was not a typical, like Ozzie and Harriet housewife. Is that fair? I did. You said that she had somebody helping her with the household.

[09:19] BETTE MYERSON: She did. We had a maid who lived with us and cooked and cleaned. Mother was not much of a cook in her younger years. She never learned that growing up, so she was able to. I don't remember Ozzie and Harriet that well. Whether Harriet did everything outside. Mother did not work outside of the home. She was involved in a lot of nonprofit organizations that served the community and did things to help the world in addition to those things. She was very involved for many, many decades with the Women's Committee of Brandeis University, which started in 1948 and was founded and supported by jewish people. But it was a university that served anyone interested and qualified to get in. It wasn't just for Jews, but it was started by Jews in an era where jews couldn't get into a lot of other schools. She also was involved with an organization called Hadassah for many, many years, which is also a jewish organization. I'm sure there were many other organizations that she worked with when we were young, the names of which I don't remember. She played bridge. She socialized with friends, and.

[11:02] MYA COURSEY: That'S. That's good. We'll have time to explore her many activities after she got to California, where they moved, as you left for college, they left for California and for your father's work, I presume that was the trigger for that. So say more now about how their lives evolved in California, how. How she continued to be involved with charitable organizations and so forth.

[11:43] BETTE MYERSON: They were in Los Angeles for ten years, from 64, when they moved there, well, until late 73, when they moved to Santa Barbara. And I know she was involved with something called Helping Hand, which was a. Like a women's guild or auxiliary for a hospital in Los Angeles called Cedar Sinai Medical center. And I think she continued with her work with the Brandeis University Women's Committee and Hadassah. They. They did traveling for my father's work, and often she got to go with him, which was quite wonderful. And then after the nine years in Los Angeles, they moved to Santa Barbara, where she became much more involved in many, many organizations. In Santa Barbara, she was involved with the Santa Barbara Outs Arts Council. She was a founding member of the Santa Barbara literary Society. She served on boards of directors and numerous board committees of the Santa Barbara Symphony. She served on the advisory board of the Hillel foundation of the University of California, Santa Barbara. And she and her husband Raymond, my father, were active participants and supporters of Santa Barbara's congregation Binet Brif, the Anti Defamation League of B'nai Brith, and the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History. My father was treasurer of the board of the Museum of Natural History for many years. She was frequently honored. She was honored by the National Women's Committee of Brandeis University, the Santa Barbara Chapter, as Woman of the Year. In 1998, she and Raymond were honorees at the Anti Defamation League's annual dinner. In 2001, she was named a woman of valor by the women's division of the Santa Barbara Jewish Federation. In 2009, she was the very first honoree of a new organization called the center for Successful Aging in 2014. And she and my father posthumously were honored at the leadership circles dinner of the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History in 2019.

[14:21] MYA COURSEY: Wow. A little busy.

[14:29] BETTE MYERSON: A little busy. Well, she loved people. She loved being with people. She loved helping people. And she, as she learned from both sets of parents, both my sets of grandparents, felt like it's very important to give back to the world and to do something, especially as if you've been fortunate, as she was and I was in our lives, to give back to the world. And that's what she did.

[15:02] MYA COURSEY: Yeah. And as part of their community life, but also in their personal life. You told me that your parents, parents mentioned, or that you mentioned to me that both your parents believed in actively cultivating younger friends. Talk a little more about that.

[15:25] BETTE MYERSON: Right. They did. They had many, many younger friends. When my father died in 2006, we had a memorial service at the synagogue and then a reception at the house. And as people were leaving the reception, these women said to her, one said, natalie, don't forget, we're having lunch on Tuesday. And somebody else said, don't forget, natalie, we're getting together on Wednesday. And mother says, or she said that. I said, mother, it's like you have all these courtesy daughters. She says that I invented the term. I'll take the credit. But in any case, she one day made a list and saw that she had 45 younger women my age or younger who considered themselves her courtesy daughters and seven courtesy sons. These were people who took her to dinner, took her to lunch, took her to movies, came over and visited with her, took her to concerts and all kinds of other activities, and acted like her children. Her two children did not live in California. We spoke to her frequently, and we came to visit. But in her day to day life, she had all these courtesy children who took care of her. There is one couple in particular who live down the street from her, who took her to the synagogue every Friday night. She was not a very religious person. She was more of a cultural jew. In her younger years, they celebrated major holidays and certainly felt very strongly about being jewish, supported the state of Israel. But she was not a regular churchgoer, as it were. But she started going after my father died and ended up connecting with this young couple who are a few years younger than I, Erin and Ina Ettenberg. Lovely, lovely people who took her to synagogue every single Friday night. They also did many, many other things for her and for this I will be forever grateful for. They were like her children in Santa Barbara.

[17:56] MYA COURSEY: I recall that in addition to this life with the younger friends and so forth, that you said that their 50th, your parents 50th wedding anniversary celebration was an example of their shared attitude toward friendship and community and being with others.

[18:17] BETTE MYERSON: Thank you, Mya for expressing that so well. When my parents had been married for 50 years in 1993, they decided that rather than taking a trip with just their family, which is what most people who have the means do, they wanted to celebrate with many of their close family and friends. And so they took a number of us, I don't remember how many, but it was a good number of us, on a three day caribbean cruise. We all met in Miami and boarded this lovely miner and went to a few places in the Caribbean for three days, got to go on a couple of tours and fun things and had meals and celebrations together, and it was just a love fest for three days. It was just very wonderful.

[19:15] MYA COURSEY: Yeah, that does sound lovely. And a good example of their shared life.

[19:25] BETTE MYERSON: You.

[19:29] MYA COURSEY: Had mentioned that you told me that she was an avid reader, and you mentioned, I think, that she was a founding member of the Santa Barbara Library Society. What kinds of things did she read?

[19:44] BETTE MYERSON: Well, she read a variety of things for many. Read three newspapers every morning and read many different books and probably magazines. Yes, magazines, definitely. In her very, very later years, as you said, mother lived to be 102 and a half. She just barely passed the half mark. For the next year, she developed macular degeneration, couldn't read anymore. And during the pandemic, five friends volunteered to read to her. So she had somebody reading to her in person or in person, five days a week, two days a week weren't covered, but so there were five different books that these people were reading to her on all different kinds of subjects. And then I decided, well, if they can do that, I can, too. And so she and I started reading over the telephone, and I read to her nearly every day for about two and a half years, starting the summer of the pandemic, until she passed away. So she had six books going at a time, and she could remember everything about all of them and where they were in the story. And if somebody substituted, she could catch them up as to where they were in this. It was amazing. It was quite amazing.

[21:25] MYA COURSEY: Well, and there are many examples or many indications of how alive she was even after your dad passed away, when she was in her mid eighties, I think. But she remained very active. There was an article online. There is. Oh, by the way, she has more mentions online than most young people I know. She was amazing. And beautiful pictures, always beautifully dressed. In this article, there was a picture of her on her 94th birthday luncheon, beautifully dressed, standing, and I think you're beside her on one side, and then this crowd of 50 plus people up a set of stairs behind her. And I presume there were some of the courtesy daughters involved in that.

[22:21] BETTE MYERSON: One of her courtesy daughters, a very wealthy, lovely, generous woman named Anne Tobes, said to mother, maybe a year before this event, I would really like to meet all these courtesy daughters and know who they are, and I would love to have everyone over for a brunch at my house. And the day that they chose happened to be mother's 94th birthday. So those 50 people were her courtesy daughters.

[22:53] MYA COURSEY: That's pretty astonishing. And she certainly looked and perfectly able of keeping up with them in that picture. At age 94, the same article mentioned three funny acronyms that Natalie used to explain her philosophy of life. Do you remember what those were first?

[23:15] BETTE MYERSON: The first one is gag g a g, which stands for generosity, appreciation, and gratitude. The second one is pep, philanthropy, enthusiasm and purpose. And the third one, she credits my father as saying about her ice I c e, which we use now in a different context, but infinite capacity for enjoyment. She did, she enjoyed everything. Whatever she was doing, whatever was going on, she just enjoyed it.

[23:53] MYA COURSEY: So when you were, you went to visit your mother frequently during her last days? I think she was the last two.

[24:06] BETTE MYERSON: Years of her life during my father died in 2006, and after that, I started going to see her every two or three months. So I ended up going usually about five times a year, and she would come to Taos once a year. She came every august for many, many years. And we always went to the opera once with some friends, and then did other things in Taos. Once. Once she came in the fall, but. But basically, she came in the summer once a year. And you had the occasion to meet her. You and your husband met her at least once, if not more than that. Yes. Until, I think, 2017 or 18, she stopped traveling. She and I also spent thanksgiving with my Myerson cousins every year in San Francisco, where one lives, in Cleveland where another lives, or here. And 2017, I think, or possibly 18 was the last year that she could really travel anymore. And so then we just went to see her.

[25:34] MYA COURSEY: All right. Her eyesight was diminished at that time, and she had people reading to her and making sure that she got where she needed to go.

[25:47] BETTE MYERSON: Right. But she was still very physically able. She could walk and take care of herself and stuff. She just couldn't see anymore. Her hearing was also declining markedly, but she managed quite well.

[26:06] MYA COURSEY: So you were with her in her last days, and I understand she, during that time, she helped plan her own memorial gathering.

[26:15] BETTE MYERSON: She did well, actually, before the last day. She did the June. My last visit that I saw her before she was dying was June, at which time we went through all kinds of articles and pictures and quotes and things that she had been giving me over the years, and we went through them at the kitchen table. And she chose, yes, I want this one. Yes, I want this one. And a friend of hers made them into a memorial booklet, which we will be using at the service. And she also specified when she was dying, she specified which song she wanted the cantor to sing, and another person, one of her courtesy sons, that she wanted him to speak. And then I have chosen that the four readers would also read the quotes that she chose. Unfortunately, two of them will be out of town, but the other two will read. And so that's kind of how the memorial service got created. And then the rabbi will do the rest with all the appropriate prayers and ceremony things.

[27:36] MYA COURSEY: Where will it actually occur?

[27:39] BETTE MYERSON: The original plan. The original plan was that the service was going to be in, at the synagogue in Santa Barbara in December. In December, Covid was still not so good. Actually, I had just gotten it, and we decided that it would not be a smart thing to have a service inside for so many people, because we expect. We expect a good 200 people, at least, to come to this gathering because she knew so many people and so many people loved her and were friends with her. I was very pleased to have received phone calls, emails, and texts from a number of her friends and family yesterday and today. Yesterday would have been her 103rd birthday. What I didn't say at the beginning, when you asked me the question about how we came to StoryCorps Washington, that when this idea was suggested to me that I talk about her for StoryCorps, my immediate reaction was, mother would love to be in the Library of Congress. I'm definitely doing this for her because this is what she would want.

[28:57] MYA COURSEY: Great. So, in closing, can you say something about the ways your strong, vibrant mom, with all of her involvements and commitments, how she influenced your own life and beliefs?

[29:21] BETTE MYERSON: The strongest thing that I got from both of my parents was the whole idea about being grateful for my life and giving back to the world as sort of a thank you for what I've received and trying to make the world a better place. There is a saying in jewish tradition, Tikkun Olam, which means repairing the world. And I feel that the thing that we can best do with our lives is try to make the world a better place. And especially now, in memory and in honor of my parents, that's the deal.

[30:08] MYA COURSEY: And you, I believe, were involved in initiating an annual event here in Taos that is reflective of some of those beliefs.

[30:26] BETTE MYERSON: Thank you. I continue that tradition. I didn't start it, but, yes, we have an interfaith gathering for peace every year called peace Hanukkah. Around the time of Hanukkah and Christmas that involves prayers and speakers and participants from many different religious faiths or people that have no faith, that just believe in unity and brotherhood and peace. And we're happy that we do that here in Taos. This was started. This was actually started on the east coast following the World Trade center attacks in 2001. And people got together in different groups, in different communities. And that tradition was brought to our community by a man named Carmi Plouthenne, who came here from Chicago in 2002 to start the Taos jewish center. And we picked up this tradition and have continued to do it. I think this last year was our 20th time. And we don't know that anybody else on planet Earth is continuing this tradition, but we are, and I'm honored to be a part of it. And you and your husband, Wally, have been huge help to us in these.

[31:46] MYA COURSEY: And what we mostly do is the food. And part of the psanica is that the participants bring food donations for the various pantries in Taos. And I think that it's a wonderful way of you expressing what you've learned from your mom in our course town.

[32:11] BETTE MYERSON: Thank you. Yeah. One more thing about that. The last three years, we have done this ceremony on Zoom because it wasn't safe to bring so many people together in person. And mother was able to see it the last couple of years on Zoom with her friends Erin and Ina Ettenberg, and be happy to see what we were doing in Texas.

[32:39] MYA COURSEY: Oh, I love that. I didn't know about that. That's wonderful. So do you have anything else you want to say before we kind of wrap it up?

[32:49] BETTE MYERSON: I don't think so. I thank you, Mya for your. For your questions and your encouragement and your help. And I thank the storycorps for doing this.

[33:00] MYA COURSEY: And thank you, Bette for sharing the story of your remarkable mother, Natalie Salterh Myerson. I expect it would please her a great deal to know that these recollections will be preserved for future generations.

[33:14] BETTE MYERSON: Yes. Thank you, Mya