Yale Fillingham and Emily Fillingham

00:00 Good thing you put this down here in front of my phone.

00:03 Hi, I'm yell selling him. I'm 29 years old. Today's date is May 29th, 2013. We're at the Chicago Cultural Center and I am here with my wife.

00:18 My name is Emily feeling him. I am 28 years old. Today's date is May 29th, 2013. We are at the Chicago Cultural Center and I am here with my husband yell.

00:36 All right. Yeah, I want to talk with you about how we met. So can you describe for me how how we met?

00:46 So sexually pretty long. I think that the thing to start out with is more or less as you know, we met on match.com, but I think the interesting thing is how I got to go on to match.com and I guess it was that I had just been ended another relationship with somebody before this one thing in Chicago that was in New York when I move to Chicago for med school and about halfway through that relationship ended halfway to that for sure med school the relationship ended and I was kind of fiber, you know, I want to go around the city. I want to see what Chicago has to offer and everything but didn't want to be that

01:37 Person sitting at the bar eating in a restaurant all by myself because I like sitting there just reading a book. So I wanted to enjoy it with somebody and figured that maybe guy on match.com would actually like offer me the chance to at least meet some people and go out and like go to things like the Chicago Cultural Center or go to Millennium Park or go out to eat and stuff like that. So I was really hesitant to text Lee go on to match.com because if you would have asked me about this maybe 5-10 years prior to me going to match.com I would have said that is crazy. Why would anybody need to meet somebody online when they are so many people that you meet everyday, so I was pretty hesitant, but it turned out my anatomy partner who I thought was pretty normal guy was on like JDate and match.

02:37 And then one of my really good college buddies. He was doing investment banking at New York and his mom was so worried that he was always just going to work work work and never going to go out meet anybody Scioscia unbeknownst to him surprise him with a 6 month subscription to match.com. So after hearing that I was like, you know what it does to people. I think you're very normal on match.com. Then there must be other normal people to meet on match.com. So I signed up and started I just kind of put my profile off and everything and then all of a sudden I think it was almost like within hours of when I had put my profile up. I got a AR wink from from somebody by the name of Emily heroy.

03:30 So I then from there we started just kind of got quite a long conversation over over email back and forth and I think that if we were to print that out today, I'd probably be able to be found into a block because it's so long. So it's really nice service was amazing cuz we got to

03:50 Almost felt like we had probably been on our like 6 date by the time that we we actually met for the first time.

04:00 So then we we finally set up the

04:05 Set up our our date and we had some indecisive moments on where to meet or where to eat. I was relying on your expertise is the Chicago native. But yeah, so then we ended up going out to dinner for the first time.

04:24 Did you just feel so comfortable with each other so I can conversations really stem from the travel that we did each done to the Chicago Cubs versus Chicago White Sox or just our times in New York that cuz Emily had spent went to NYU. So she did actually been in New York for four years and I was just coming from having lived there for two years. So we got to talk a lot about New York and commonalities and kind of just where we grew up in.

05:00 More about ourselves that we were able to release kind of articulating you able to it was nice about it was the we could even go back and you can read it again and again and I like when you're just having a conversation with somebody at dinner for the first time you might miss things or I might not hear everything because of the guys in the restaurant or what not and this is a really nice way to go back and

05:30 Re-read some things and really get to know no Emily and I think it was the there is a lack of uncomfortable silence kind of in our email conversations and then we went to dinner like the conversation just kept going and going and but I didn't feel uncomfortable until I realized what time it was the dog Bebe. We probably would have stayed at the restaurant several more hours.

06:01 So do you remember what was going through your head when you first saw me?

06:05 Well before I saw you I was I was thinking gosh, I'm really glad that I brought these Anatomy flashcards to to work on while I waited for for you to show up your but I'm just now finding out was typically fashionably late of 15 to 30 minutes. So so I sat around for get my flashcards running some anatomy and then when you showed up I

06:34 I saw you for the first time and what were your first impressions of me?

06:40 I saw you kind of like walking I could kind of recognize you as you were as I was waiting in the waiting area and there is like the front windows and I think the first thing that came to mind was cuz I could only see baby from your shoulders out and I was like, oh, you know that she actually looks important in person that she doesn't have pictures glad that's your first impression of me.

07:04 What do you love most about me?

07:09 I love that. I you actually make me a better person. There's things where I can get X can kind of be grumpy or maybe don't stop to smell the roses. It's all about have to get this work done have to get that done and you help me to can stopping.

07:35 Work out at the Laker take the time to take a breath and and kind of enjoy the time that we have together and also. Meet at the kind of find ways to enjoy stuff Time by myself and and dad always take the time to treat myself for yourself. Then always just work work work.

08:06 So moving on in our interview to turn the tables.

08:13 I think the next thing that would be really fun to talk about would be our engagement and

08:21 Safe for me to you Emily. How did we get engaged or what? What's your rendition of our engagement?

08:31 Wow, yell had you had

08:38 Decided we are going out to.

08:42 Hanover Hanover, New Hampshire to hike Mount moosilauke near where you went to college Dartmouth. It was a special weekend. It was Green Key weekend. And so a bunch of your friends were going to be there, but you decided you really

09:01 Green Key weekend is kind of Dartmouth every there on a term system. So there's four terms set the year and the every term has its own big party weekend. Where are it's kind of an excuse for alumni to come back some follett's Homecoming in the winter. It's winter carnival to get people outside and not hang around inside all the time and then cream cheese kind of the celebratory weekend in the spring. We're out of the fraternities and sororities have bands they come and play on the front porch and just celebrate everything outdoors.

09:37 Sogel decided he would take me the city girl hiking mount moosilauke in New Hampshire and he had already been hiking on this particular Trail cracked S2 times. So I considered him experience and knowing where to go.

09:59 And he said it was going to be maybe like it to 3 hour hike so we get there. We fly out. We got there on Saturday. We have a rental car start hiking into

10:16 I don't remember the drive up.

10:18 Aradia listening

10:22 Now

10:25 But I so we go up the mountain slowly and you know, it gets to be maybe like the third hour.

10:35 And I'm just like yell. Where is the top?

10:39 And we see snow at the very top and it was May who's May 2010.

10:49 And I was getting tired so I kind of protested saying I wasn't going any further and what did you say?

10:58 Or what were you thinking during that time?

11:02 I was thinking this wasn't in the plan. We were supposed to make it to the top and then I was supposed to ask a question was like this can't be good. If if I can get it to the top. I did not ask her to marry me halfway up enough.

11:20 So we proceed after asking a few people are coming down there like oh, yeah, you're really close that we were an hour away from that point make it to the top. It's cloudy. Thank goodness. We ran into that couple coming down.

11:36 Actually made us look at look like pros given at 1 guys in shorts and flip-flops.

11:45 So we make it to the top and you ask me the question.

11:52 How did how did you ask it to me?

11:55 Do you remember cuz I don't remember the exact words. Well thankfully for the age of smartphones. I I I actually can post it in my in the notes section. Haven't I haven't gotten rid of it yet stayed there and thankfully when we get new phones recently it transferred over and didn't get lost or sad. I love how it's impossible for us to walk past each other without kissing. I love how you can make each day better than the next. I love how you can manage to be jumping and dancing in the morning. I love you. Will you marry me?

12:44 And I said, yes.

12:47 And we are very happy at the top of the mountain. We couldn't really see around us. There are clouds everywhere took see pictures. We were just await it.

13:02 And then we went down a mountain.

13:05 Gail's leading us and when we thought we were going down the same way we came up. We actually went down the other side of the mountain.

13:15 So we halfway down. I mean it just I know that we're not.

13:24 We're not on the right Trail, but I was I was determined that we were on the same path down as we were up to the point where I keep remember pointing at a stump. I remember this stump. We turned at the switch back on the same stump. This is the same one. We are go away.

13:46 But it wasn't cuz I knew I was a city girl. It wasn't the right stump. I knew we were going down the wrong way to a point where it started raining at the end.

13:59 And my knee hurts then at some point. I started scooting down the mountain on my butt.

14:08 Because I was in so much pain and started crying. Do you remember that? I do remember the tears in the the saying of I can't believe this is all I got engaged. Good thing I said, yes.

14:32 So then we make it finally make it down the mountain on the other side of the mountain as we're leaving the trail. It says experienced hikers only.

14:43 And we didn't have a way to get to our car.

14:50 So, what did we do?

14:53 So, of course

14:57 There's at the trailhead there's kind of a listing of numbers and stuff like that emergency contacts and my all right, we got cell phones. I can I got one bar. This is going to work and I first number at the top was the park ranger's office. So and I can remember by this time. It's already probably getting close to like 6:30 sun is starting to set and I can remember on our hike down the mountain not knowing how much further we had constantly being like Emily. We have to take it down before the sun goes down. You think it's hard now. It's going to be even more difficult. But so it was pretty late by the time that we got down the mountain and we're calling these places in the park ranger's office.

15:48 You got the we're sorry, but the officer closed will be open at 9 a.m. The next morning. And so that one didn't work out. We then I didn't remember trying to call the 1-800 number to the state New Hampshire state trooper troopers office, but that one.

16:07 With a similar responses the as the other park ranger's office and knowing that this wasn't purely emergency because we had we could walk to our our card. I'll be at that it was close to 15 miles away on the opposite side of the mountain. We probably could we could still find a way there. So I didn't feel like we should call nine-one-one. But the other last Saving Grace by thought we had was there is a an advertisement for a guy that will drop off.

16:38 Food for you along the trail cuz part of this trail goes is on the Appalachian Trail and I thought I okay. This guy will be able to call in come with his van and I'll drive us to our car well know all I got was a voicemail for him his voicemail message. So we went out to the road and we saw as a station wagon approach and I don't know if you put out your thumb or we just waved to them and we kind of explain the situation. I showed them. My ring is proof like we're not sketchy people. Just trying to hitchhike anywhere.

17:20 And they're like, okay. Drive you to your car?

17:26 And they were a grandmother mother and granddaughter and the kid maybe was like 4 years old 3 or 4 in the car seat in the back and piled. I piled next to the kid.

17:41 So these people must have trusted us know we were lucky that they were out. They were all out for like an extended Mother's Day weekend and it's from Cape Cod and thought they would go out looking for a a moose through the New Hampshire woods. So we got lucky that instead they picked up some hitchhikers instead of finding a moose.

18:03 So, this is our first time hitchhiking hopefully our last

18:08 And what did they say to us about the they told us about a movie they just watched together. So they were they made a comment or maybe like we're in and just the driving for a couple minutes and they say to us they say to us so you guys aren't like Psychopaths or anything like that because we just watch the movie How there were some hitchhikers that got picked up in the people were driving thought they were Psychopaths. I'm going to kill them and so I know I think that I'm okay with I just actually just finished my Psychiatry rotation and I said, nobody pulled me aside and told me that I needed to go seek some help. So I figured I was safe and I told them and I've been at starts then what happened was that the response was quite frightening they go. Oh, yeah. There was a Twist of the movie. It was actually the the drivers who picked up hitchhikers.

19:08 Psychopaths and killed the The Hitchhiker's

19:12 Me and I just look at each other like okay, this is weird but they can't kill us in front of the kids. Right? I mean, it was very nice and we kind of had to FIB to them that our car was five minutes to get away when it really was about 15 minutes away.

19:33 But they drove a store car and we finally made it back all in one piece.

19:41 Then we made it back to Hanover. And do you remember what would happen if we went out with my friends because there are so many college students out of their idea NG everyone and they wouldn't let you have a glass of champagne.

20:00 I know that so my cuz it was Temper Temper but coming back to him saying like that guy can't have it pointing to me. And because our lovely Illinois license on the back was the the safe driver extension or is it like a hologram sticker on the back? And I guess the a little like book where they can look at all of the different drivers license that wasn't in there. So they they took my champagne toast away from me on our engagement day, but we still celebrated. It was a good day. Good story.

20:46 Good story was a blast.

20:56 So then after all of that it turned into wedding planning season, huh?

21:06 Yes.

21:10 What was that like?

21:12 Awful talk about I'm glad that we had planned for a two-year engagement because

21:21 It allowed us the time to kind of enjoy the engagement not all the sudden be like we have to like knock down early like knock out a date and all this other stuff. So before all of the real stress of the wedding planning came into play we got the kind of

21:39 Have our parade through your family and friends enjoying the engagement.

21:48 Which is nice.

21:50 And then all the planning started.

21:52 And I was kind of like trying to figure out where we wanted to get married.

21:59 And it was

22:01 It was like we kind of knew that we wanted to be married somewhere in Michigan because it's second of an area that's special to us that as a couple we spent a lot of time there.

22:15 I am Ali's family. She grew up with kind of vacationing over there and so her and I they still have a house over there so we could go over there a lot and spend never home away from home over there. So you also wanted to get married by the water, but that didn't work out. So we ended up getting married in my kind of like a barn which is awesome because we had kind of a mutual friend of ours that I swam with in college and she happened to work in Chicago at the Chicago foundation for women and a matter of fact. This was the person that had invited me to a wine tasting.

23:05 Event that was being hosted by like the young women's Leadership Council through the Chicago foundation for women because her boyfriend had had to leave town for work. So she said I got this extra tickets you want to go and then so later on talking about it. It turns out that that was something that Emily had actually attempted to get a ticket to but they have been sold out. So if we could have met before

23:34 I wonder if we would have talked to each other about happened.

23:39 Would you talk to me?

23:41 I would have missed the the chance to have all of us email conversations.

23:53 Then we had the

23:55 The wedding actually surprisingly went off without much of a hitch minus the degree weather in Watervliet Michigan near st. Joseph Michigan Inland at this barn and it was actually Memorial Day weekend last year and we got married the Sunday before Memorial Day weekend, and it was scorching hot. I mean and the ceremony was outside in the sun.

24:35 But it still was

24:38 A wonderful day

24:46 What do you remember most?

24:50 I remember getting to see on the way for the first time. I mean we we didn't do the whole I guess I should say remember seeing her for the first time in her in her wedding dress.

25:03 She had

25:05 It was amazing. It was like kind of it was a vow of where we spent all this time together and we're finally going to this is going to be is it going to be at like this is

25:23 Just say it is going to be starting a family together and kind of moving forward and it was just so joyous inning.

25:32 Getting to see if she looks beautiful and

25:38 It was I think that day I felt I almost felt like I was like

25:51 I wish I felt like I was so happy that

25:57 You know, I couldn't worry about a thing in the world. I was so happy that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you.

26:06 In fact, I think that maybe something I attached that you were very adamant about putting in our wedding that I was at first. Different is like

26:18 Knowing our political backgrounds me being more libertarian or conservative and you being more.

26:29 Liberal individual it meant a lot to you to have the

26:34 The white ribbons at our wedding for guests to wear to signify marriage equality. And to me it was one of those planning things in the wedding that that's what you want that's cheap at like you can have it doesn't I'm not this doesn't matter. I mean I am all for it, but to make a political statement inviting whatever but afterwards after seeing you that time it really made me a lot more open or

27:10 Tell me this feeling that they're there really shouldn't I'm so glad that we did have that at the wedding or insisting. I have another wedding because

27:21 Then today I don't think anybody else anybody should be denied that that ability to to see the person that they want to spend the rest your life with on their wedding day and have that joy and miss out on that that experience.

27:38 Glad you were.

27:40 You saw that?

27:42 And I'm glad that we we did that cuz for a lot of are you no friends.

27:50 I didn't realize to how much it meant cuz we had quite a few friends actually that we're in Independence that.

28:00 Weren't straight or heterosexual had some other kind of sexual orientation that it it, really.

28:09 Meant a lot to them and I didn't and I guess it's not only my own feeling. It's like wow, how could anybody be denied this feeling of Joy seeing them?

28:23 One thing. I appreciate it and knowing that it is something that they really want and they would value it just as much.

28:32 What's an awesome tots to the the wedding overall?

28:36 Did you write your own vows?

28:39 No, we did not.

28:41 Although we did I guess we decided on to readings.

28:48 Kind of together if one was

28:55 Dr. Seuss, where is it? Oh the Places You'll Go Changing some of the words to talk about a couple and then the other one was an ALICE Walker. Peace on Love and Marriage.

29:15 I think the end those were kind of ideas of vows.

29:21 Because

29:24 Your Doctor Seuss is a spy has kind of a special place in his heart and he went to Dartmouth and I mean who didn't read? Dr. Seuss growing up?

29:38 And then of course I had to add in, you know.

29:43 Feminist into our ceremony. So what better way than sad Alice Walker?

30:00 And then d i, I think that the other thing that was so much fun that evening was the

30:07 Yet other than seeing you for the first time and actually like seeing my

30:14 And going through the actual exchange me exchanging of wedding rings were I thought that if I have this hope my hand doesn't never shake this much again. It isn't so much adrenaline. But I think is that the dancing with all of our friends how much even though it was a hundred degrees outside. No air conditioning fans blowing his people were out there. Just tearing up the Dance Floor.

30:48 Non-stop having a blast.

30:51 That was a fun party from the stage of the band.

30:56 Crowd surfing surfing in there

31:04 That was a fun party.

31:08 I wish I could do it over again without the planning.

31:12 That would actually be ideal.

31:16 Are you able to go on a honeymoon we did so we both love to travel we went to Cambodia for the first time and tile and I've gone to Thailand before I love Southeast southeast Asia. I spent a lot of time there.

31:33 And it was your first time in Asia, right? It was just kind of one of those trips were there was a lot of relaxing taking off the the surrounding culture which was a lot of fun. I that we did anger Watt and some of the name tourist things. But otherwise it's kind of like around around and enjoyed ourselves and I think that probably one of the more comical or like metal moments that there was as one hotel in Cambodia that we had

32:07 Hope to stay at the whole time, but they did for the number of nights that we are going to be in that place. They only had that -1 so we had to transfer to a different Hotel the last night that we were there. And I thought that I had picked out a reasonable place, but we go there and we come back from dinner and Emily goes into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

32:32 And she just come screeching out of there was a massive lizard. It looks like a mini alligator.

32:41 In the bathroom, so we had to go in and Chorale it somehow out the window.

32:48 With a hanger

32:51 Without injuring it to ya. I mean it was compared to the place. We stayed at previously it was

32:59 Kind of smelly and the weed, you know that made us go out to dinner and explore the town a little bit more.

33:08 We had some good food.

33:12 Knock off purses

33:16 Yep.

33:18 Thought angor wat Sunrise that was gorgeous.

33:24 And then we came back and I had to graduate graduated.

33:30 Then I left for a year. I know it was actually kind of.

33:37 That's such a whirlwind of all the fun and excitement to then turn around and have you leave to go to grad school was was rough, but

33:46 Are you apart the whole year we were in this whole like residency match process. I

33:58 Put down my ranking of places and then hope that I get some place on my top like 3, I have to get my Top Choice year in Chicago.

34:08 And in the process he was kind of Chicago or out east and I said Emily. Well, if that's the case then maybe you should look at grad schools out there too as well as Chicago just in case I end up having to be out there if you better to go ahead and already have something set up and we can go out there together and it turns out that she ended up getting into a phenomenal program out of you. So she had to so we said you know what?

34:36 We can see what we can do this. We love each other. It's something that needs to happen. You need to go into the programming. So we

34:47 We went ahead and dropped it. She went out to Philadelphia for 10 months 10 months. Yeah, and then it was actually just about a week ago that she moved back home.

35:01 That's nice to be home in.

35:04 Normal, slake our first year of marriage again.

35:09 What's the deal with the same a lot of excitement?

35:15 I love you, babe. I love you, too.