Christopher Preston and Angela Preston

00:02 My name is Angela Preston. I am 42 years old today's date is Sunday, January 5th 2020 and we are in Santa Monica California today. I will be interviewing with Chris Preston and he is my husband.

00:20 My name is Chris Preston. I'm 43 years old. Today's date is Sunday, January 5th, 2020. We're coming to you from Santa, Monica, California.

00:31 If we be interviewing with Angela Preston my wife.

00:41 So we're here today because I have been a big fan of storycorps and I often listen to them and they always make me cry so

00:52 And she's already trying so we're here today to talk about meeting growing together our kids.

01:03 Know the full story

01:06 It's an interesting story in jail.

01:10 Would you like to start or would you like me to start I'll give you a moment to stop crying. Okay, so it was how many years ago? It was back in 1995. We were both.

01:26 Entering as College freshman at the University of california-berkeley. I was a very very very naive incoming freshmen like the most sheltered kid possible. But I was so excited because I was going to be leaving home for the first time like living apart from my family over with felt like I mean live in the same state, but you know, it was just still like a a thing that I know I didn't imagine what's going to happen because I thought for sure I was going to spend my college Years at home and continue living at home, but I decided to rebuild a little bit. So why did you think that you were going to spend your life at home? That's just how I was raised by parents as immigrants were very very protective and me being the youngest of the five girls. You know, I think they especially thought this is our baby in there baby should be at home and she should continue to stay at home after school until

02:26 Is married and that was just the way it was supposed to be.

02:33 Precedent

02:34 Yes, so my eldest sisters.

02:40 Well, this is Treva. She went to UCSD Lyft at home and stayed at home until she went to law school and still wants her first year of law school, which did not set a good example for the rest of us that she actually left home to but she went first two years of college at San Diego State and then two years that USC and she did fine, but then she moved back home after school, which was the expectation and then Julie went to UCSD it home with at home. And then Joyce she's actually went to UC Berkeley too, but not after you know semester first at at home to kind of position, but me I was ready to go right away and then it was by chance. I signed up for that orientation sessions.

03:42 So before going to college I had a very different upbringing family moved around a lot. So there wasn't a single home. That was the place that everybody was or so is born in Michigan, but also lived in Connecticut and Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

04:03 And even even apart from that I've gone on Exchange your overseas when I was in high school, so and then went to boarding school after that. So I've already had experience being away from home to a lot a lot different but somehow we both ended up in the same orientation know which was kind of funny because what was that orientation it was and it was for incoming freshmen who had the architecture is there major

04:32 Right, which then why did you to clear architecture? I thought it would be an interesting field to pursue that you know would allow for some creativity and arts but same time have some regimented practices to follow I had I mean I had my uncle who was an architect. I always thought he was a really cool guy and like has you know

05:01 Found great success in what he does. And so I thought I was okay with you can do it. I can do it through school. I had taken what was called mechanical mechanical drawing and it was the very very mechanical part of that where you learned them drafting lettering and some very basic shapes and just like the way you like the way that Architects present their plans not really necessarily how to draw the plan for themselves and how to make rooms the right size and all of that like the very basics of drawing it and then I went away and I did my exchange year and I came back to boarding school. And even there I did like an independent study with one of the teachers who have done architecture himself in

05:50 Redesigned one of the dorms. I came in a sort of a very mechanical not a very artistic way and that's for withdrawing me to architecture was the ability to be creative without having to be able to draw like he was all about like rulers and straight edges and stuff. So then we both went to this orientation. Are you from all the way across the country made from Southern, California?

06:27 Sessions, I guess orientation sessions are very like Define would like from 8:30 till 9:30. You'll be talking about this and going in this room and from that allow them to the two-day agenda and it was it was in the middle of summer was like before you're going to go to school in the summer. Then he went back home and then you came back for like we were

07:05 In

07:06 When I was haul like 30 people 40 people doing all has these it's it's one of the larger rooms on campus. Not not the largest by any means but it probably holds 200 people and it was pretty full. So it was like it was I think other kind of specialized schools like architecture don't know which ones were also in the Exede bigger sessions and then there were like sort of breakouts for the the individual schools, but I was wondering and we were in doing now

07:48 Towards the end of the day on the first day. Everybody was supposed to go to dinner at the dining Commons. I think that's only if they're definitely was a strict plan for dinner, but it changed. What did you say? I don't remember you remember? Yeah, let's go get some pizza and I've never been that far before you so why did you do that? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to know you better and it seemed like you were an interesting person even though I was like I was cuz little dorky with dark socks and sandals, but you know, hey,

08:48 Can't judge a book by its cover, right? So

08:52 Place, I'd be more open-minded than I usually am. I mean by Nature I am you know now I'm a very judgemental person but it's something I don't know really I do see if you were interested in so we wouldn't had pizza where we go. We went to Fat slice which sadly just recently shattered, but it was is it was an institution on Berkeley but was on on Telegraph Avenue just about three blocks from the campus you slice in a Pepsi places were just like like Blondie's there these pieces of pizza that are probably

09:50 I don't know 5 or 6 in across before they go down to a point and then they're also like thick it's like eating a chunk of bread and then I literally never had a vegetable slice of pizza before in my life. And I was like, well, she's getting that so I better get the same thing or did it was good couple people interested and then the next day we had more in orientation in between all that time. I think we talked more and

10:33 And this was the time before email was a failing so we went to

10:43 We went back to our respective homes and two months between the time we were going to come back for school. And like I said the time before email, so we wrote letters and sent letters to each other which was you leaving like clipped articles that you thought were interesting about. I would think was interesting. There are there was one about us

11:15 A gas station that was modeled after a Frank Lloyd Wright building or something. You thought it was really cool and I was like what but but now I understand but at the time I'm like this is very random. But anyway, it was it was kind of a lot more than I believe that's true too. Yeah and mixtapes both. I think they're anxious about getting back to school and it was you no Along 2 months, but then it was time to move and we both wound up being in unit one. Yeah picking dorm complex, but not the same building.

12:15 What kind of across the quad from each other and I'll Azan up all girls floor because I've although my parents really wanted to meet for me to live in the all-girls dorm. I compromised and said fine. I'll at least live in the co-ed dorm. But on all girls floor, is that okay with an all-girls dorm in an old boys dorm that were relatively small Affair floors in the bathrooms were so this is kind of like a big deal was like I'm free to talk more about that. What kind of stuff did you like like?

13:12 Experience for the first time weather has to do with me or not. It doesn't matter cuz it's just interesting. Yeah, I mean like I was just

13:26 You know the like

13:29 I could make the decision of how late I wanted to be out or not. I not not needing to be back home by 10 at night or whatever, but it was also like

13:41 In the dorm, like I chose what I wanted to eat and drink and do and I made my decision about like when I would study and you know, just what it was.

13:56 It was something I meant like I hope my kids are kids don't experience for the first time like as they go to school because it was kind of this like kind of being thrown out and it is really hard for me because I didn't know how to conduct myself like, you know in a wave at like I probably didn't get the most out of school in that first few months because I was too scattered. Yeah, so obviously haven't gone overseas and been in a boarding school have different experience with that stuff, but I feel like

14:40 You're going to have that experience at some point in your life. It's was whether it's when you go to college or whether you go to some other place like there's no real substitute for just having to do it right to talk about it as much as you want, but it doesn't like there's a reason that when you're at home you have rules that I'm so resentful of my upbringing and anyway fighting at at the time I probably was like Angry angsty teenager as every teenager is but like looking back. It's like okay, they did some things for a reason in like now is a paradigm like I get it and I but I did I know how far I can take it without driving my kids crazy and because they were things that happened but I'm sure if we tried doing that with our kids they would be like

15:39 I like it is very interesting to think about because I at some point in my life was he angry angsty teenager the way you just described as well as it came earlier, but I don't know if that's because of where I was or I don't think it has to do with my parents cuz I think they were probably very similar to yours or yours were we have very different parents and immigrants themselves.

16:07 I canceled the different set of expectations. But in terms of the values they were trying to impart. I think they were probably fairly similar.

16:19 Yeah, I don't know I just cuz I just kind of cup.

16:23 Christian rebellious earlier

16:39 Alright, so

16:42 What's next? Yeah. Well, anyway, there are freshman year was it it was a lot of time for learning like not just school learning but like learning about who I was worried about who you were and like a lot of Discovery like video. We did things together that you know of our relationship and you know, it's funny to think back 1995-1996

17:19 What I would have pictured of our life in 2020 what I've even picture that we would have liked to go. I don't know like it was I was 17 years old like I could not even think about what things would be like when I'm 42 years older for you, whatever, you know, it was it's it's it's kind of unreal to think back to like who I was back. Then who you were back then and this life that we've built in and who we've become and and all of insecurities. I had all the worries that like, you know, a big part of our relationship for a long time with the fact that you know, I was not open and honest with my own family about you and I know that was it was hard and I I'm sorry, I put you through that but you know, it was this thing of growing up in my family was this expectation you

18:13 We were raised to two only consider being married to somebody who is Chinese and that was the expectation was that was who I was when Mary and it was never ever.

18:25 A possibility or consideration that I could marry somebody of A different race. And so it was it was scary for me to to fall in love with somebody who was not falling into the mold of who my parents expected me to spend the rest of my life with and I didn't know what to do and in my

18:45 Silly young mind. I thought the the answer was just have a separation of my life in Berkeley and a separation of my life in San Diego and just it would be fine because as a 17 18 year old I didn't stink like I have found my life partner. I didn't know that that was going to be the case then, you know, I just thought it was okay. I'm in school. I'm having fun.

19:10 And I'm so I yeah, I just

19:15 That's just how it wasn't and then things continued and

19:20 We got through our four years of school together and there we were still worth together and it was a heck. You said the first semester of school of architecture school intro to environmental design.

19:44 Randy Hester really good, and then you start going to like the University Health Center and you see that half the people there are architecture students who cut their fingers because they've been up late doing models and they slipped you like oh, well, that's not something I thought about it and then then we go to your

20:16 Play remember that the class the first class of a second semester, which was intro to drawing never considered needing to be able to do part of gum didn't have to do that. Cuz I'm really bad at it the way I'm really bad. Like usually when you have those big a big lecture class in a couple hundred and usually when you have those gravity a teacher has a section and there was no sections set up to be in with the ra two things happen at the beginning of that class, which is it cost me to say I can't be in this major and one of them was the professor walk down that aisle of the lecture hall and is wearing a leather jacket that he had painted the Mona Lisa on the back of

21:04 Oh my God, they all have to be able to do anything like that. I am totally done and Nanny gets up there and he says what you may have noticed that you don't have any sections. And what we're going to do is when you take out a piece of paper and take your off hand. So if you're right-handed or left-handed for left-handed take your right hand and draw your other hand, but I literally almost stood up and walked out like I kidding. I can't draw with my talking about there's no way so then we go to change majors.

21:42 Took to decide the next major by the process, but I know we were I was definitively not going to do anything math-related a very hard time are Calculus class. But again, that was also because it was for semester and I probably just didn't take this seriously, so I should have I think your your roommate at the time scared us both way of considering anything's science-related cuz the heated Mo Plus on the bunk midterm. What kind of gave us pause anything science related?

22:42 You don't look like the right one of those were done differently. So then eventually I became a mass communications major. I said you besides you want a little more so

23:03 Mostly just because political science to me was a little more rigorous and a lot of the stuff overlapped anyway, so it wasn't a lot more and it was a very interesting to me and frankly pretty easy for me right hip

23:30 And cups

23:33 There's a summer schedule to spend a lot of time together and

23:40 I mean looking back when we were kind of inseparable in a lot of ways witches.

23:45 10 interesting thing and I lived in that terrible apartment 2020 Channing apartment 17A 4 bedroom apartment 1 bath bathroom kids make it known to not ever move into a four-bedroom apartment with just one bathroom. It looks a little closer with boyfriends one bathroom in the morning is a lot of lot of lot of angst in a lot of people being angry with yourself time living in that apartment would like a revolving door roommates and I got to know a lot of different personalities.

24:39 There were some of them stuck around maintain friendships with a lot of them and which is which is kind of cool and cool. Some of the people that you are really good Springs was still at people you knew from growing up people who went to friends who went to high school with you who went to Berkeley who are still friends right in and out of touch with both for my fault and their faults but maintain those things better than I am.

25:22 Anyway, so school was big part of our early lives. Then I still wasn't ready to tell my family about you. So you remained quote on quote in the closet. We still somehow maintained this separated life of my family life and our building our life together, which was a crazy thing. Like, I don't know. I don't looking back. I don't know how I did it and I it was horribly deceptive different ways for sure like texting on me because it was kind of just got old and annoying.

26:22 It's weird cuz I didn't think I was 21 wrong per se but I knew I was and I don't know it just it was a little bit of struggle and I I just kind of

26:35 I don't know. I I struggled but I I just wanted to somehow maintain how we were doing things.

26:49 The status quo was somewhat working and you weren't sure if changing it would turn evil twin to work. I will graduate if you went to work before I moved up to I think my parents kind of wanted a watchful eye over me, but she was really cool. Like she didn't really parent me and I I appreciate that and I don't think she knows that I know how much I appreciate the freedom. She's gave me or whatever, you know, she didn't.

27:39 I like I said, even though she's my older sister and I think she was there to kind of watch me. She didn't really do that and you maintain their own lives and somehow like I would spend the weekends with you at your apartment and she didn't ask questions. She sure that she wasn't stupid. She knew what I was doing was up to but she said she just kind of us really cool about it. I got an apartment in Oakland apartment was in the marina, basically.

28:09 And we both worked out of downtown like in the financial district, which is Light Years different than what it was now. Yeah, yeah.

28:25 The whole experience of like graduating in finding a job, like it's kind of remarkable the pr field and then there was like a career fairs in the north campus and I met Kelly Moser and Abby Barons from Porter Valley and they wanted me right away and they wanted me to start and they were very nice to talk from your job.

28:55 Remember exactly how I ended up in the position. I was in but I remember so I was looking for a job after.

29:03 After having graduated in finish my last semester and

29:09 I was looking also in public relations and some marketing and I had had a job doing marketing and 4 BMG. But but I was I ended up with two job offers at the same time one from a public relations agency. Also a different one than you tatelman and from a company called egroups was kind of during the.com Boom.

29:39 I took the eclipse job. This is hilarious. I look beautiful job and it starts on Monday.

29:47 On Wednesday, I got laid off what just happened by Yahoo, and they're getting themselves ready to get it fired employees. Whenever the great part about it was for 3 days. I got these are two or three months of severance and ended up from my desk there. I called up that woman was like well, so I told you I wasn't going to take your job really quickly. You were saying a big part of her kind of last couple years in school is my job at BMG. BMG is a record distributor.

30:25 I was a college marketing rep for them which meant promoting music to students. Two handing out CDs on the campuses to putting up posters to working shows. We went to shows two shows a week at least out and about all the time and

30:52 I think it really like cemented to me how much you love music and how much that was going to be a big part of your life.

31:02 From at that point on to always and it's still to this day like a big part of who you are and it didn't work you're doing an amazing job kind of instilling an interest in our kids lives with music more so than other parents of kids would like to come from iPad who was he was a musician himself really loves music very different music than I love but he is very in the classical. He was a French horn player. There was always music on our house again, very different music than what I play, but they became very important to me through that. I think and I played music when I was younger and we'll get our kids to do that. Probably pretty soon.

31:52 And then we moved around we both went to graduate school relationships. You stayed in the Bay Area, but then eventually moved to the east coast and middle of Aden and then

32:12 And then you you apply to business school when I was in Middle School and you were first thought you were going to Boston College, but he said there were you were right and I thought okay, so we'll stay in the Boston area, but then you got into NYU and that meant possible move to New York and that was very exciting. And so this was what like 10 years into our relationship and which is the.

32:48 You know at that point 10 years it was pretty clear like okay. This is just like having fun going through a lot of things together, you know good and bad and ugly nothing too bad, but it was pretty clear that this wasn't going to like it was time for me to have the discussion with my parents and to finally come out and come up with be open about everything and I did it was scary. I'm not going to lie. It was it was it was more scary leading up to it. But the actual talk with find my again, I am thankful. My family ends up being

33:37 This wonderful accepting group of people that I didn't anticipate the reaction that you know, they they were accepting of you and you know it first probably not as well after you told her we've been together for 10 years, but she said they were a little yes, there was there was some hesitation then but they were you know, perhaps not as opening open and welcoming as your parents were to me from the very beginning but you know, right that's exactly

34:33 How it is but you know, you've become part of our family and we're all one big happy family now and have you both alone sometimes?

34:58 Babe, I do love you for a lot of reasons and that you are a good father to our children. You've been very supportive of me. And I think they understand the

35:14 The good values you were raised with two always been accepting of you were very similar reasons. Obviously not preparing to when we first talked about using just being in each other's Partners. I think we're wrapping up and I just think I think we've come to a point where it let's wrap it up with a bow. If you're talking to your children, it's really about the value of sticking with things senior senior throw up if it's something that's really important to you, you know, you should make sure it's something that you're going to be committed to serious about

36:03 And I think the other thing is to have a healthy fear of discussion sometimes but I have to discuss delaying doesn't necessarily hurt, right because had I been more open from the very beginning better, you know, and for worse, I don't know exactly but you know, thankfully it worked out. Okay, and

36:38 Are our kids are growing up with two sets of grandparents aunts and uncles on each side and a very loving looking for a good example support from everyone and and I'm I'm glad that they will know that in their lives.