Lyron Andrews and Chanel Andrews

Recorded June 8, 2014 Archived June 8, 2014 00:00 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: DDA001805

Description

Lyron (46) talks to his daughter Chanel (16) about their relationship, growing up in California, his divorce to her mother and how proud he is of Chanel.

Subject Log / Time Code

LA tells CA how he met his mother and how they were friends first.
LA tells of falling out of love with CA's mother and remembers the day he left their home for good and how difficult it was to leave CA.
LA tells CA she is the most important person in his life.
LA tells how CA started reading at age 2 and went to a gifted school.
LA tells how he is proud of starting college at age 36 and to be a PhD candidate.
They talk about how their dog died in an accident.

Participants

  • Lyron Andrews
  • Chanel Andrews

Recording Locations

Brooklyn Academy of Music

Venue / Recording Kit

Partnership Type

Fee for Service

Transcript

StoryCorps uses Google Cloud Speech-to-Text and Natural Language API to provide machine-generated transcripts. Transcripts have not been checked for accuracy and may contain errors. Learn more about our FAQs through our Help Center or do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you have any questions.

00:00 My name is lyron Andrews. I am 46 years of age. Today is June 8th. 2014. I am in Brooklyn New York and the relationship that I have with the person here is she is my daughter.

00:20 I'm Chanel. I'm 16. Today's date is June 8th 2014. I'm in Brooklyn New York, and I'm here with my dad.

00:31 I think Chanel for doing this with me. I was really hoping to do this for for many years actually, but I guess you had a good age. Now. The first question I have that I want to ask you is although I was there when you were bored and you know, as you got older what are the first memories that you have since it's through your eyes. What are the first memory that you have a really good question?

01:03 I think

01:05 I remember which is very weird, but I do remember 9/11 and I think the reason why I remember that is because his mom got her face done that day, and I remember her like turning on the TV and we were in the living room and a South Oxford and I remember like her trying to get to you like trying to call you.

01:32 I think I was like 3, but I still remember that I guess cuz he was just such a

01:40 Big thing that happened but there are also like I think it's hard to think back to your very first memory, but there's certain things that maybe like he'll say like, oh you did this and I'll elaborate on it and you play Q or two, but but yeah, I don't know say 911 and your mom's face when I'm done because I remember during the time, of course your mom and I were married is that she had the laser work that was done and it looks as if you know part of her face was burnt and remember people looking at her when we were on the train.

02:29 What else do you remember?

02:33 I remember riding around on my own four-wheel Barbie bike in the backyard of and I love the Powerpuff Girls. So I thought I was Blossom. I became Blossom on the four-wheeler and we had like these cherry tomatoes that grew outside, but they're like tiny. I don't know what they were. I think they like didn't grow yet and I would just throw them at you and I pretended you were Mojo Jojo and the evil guy riding around in my four-wheeler. And yeah, I remember that Power Puff Girls a question do you have for me?

03:17 I think that it's when you're talking about like if you there's always a question I like when did you first meet someone else but I feel like when was it that you knew that you loved Mom? And when was it when you fell out of love with her? That's a great question. I absolutely remember the day that I fell in love with her. I had been part of a volunteer service for I don't know maybe three or four years actually not far from where we are in the studio and

04:00 In the congregation that I was assigned to go to there were a few men and lots and lots and lots of young women and baby almost.

04:17 They almost fought over which which man, you know, they did end up with in that got kind of tiring for me. Just just the assignment got tiring, But I had this friend that I worked with in in the department was volunteering to work in and he said he said hey my sister and her friend are coming down to the city they lived in Connecticut and he says, you know, I haven't been here long until you've been here a little bit longer New York. Could you show us around and I was like sure I said, but just make sure that neither one of them are looking for a husband.

04:57 And he says now he says I'm fat don't you try anything? You says it's my sister and her best friend. Well, the the best friend of this guy his sister was your mom and I met them at day and we went to the holograph Museum. I think the first time we met on Canal Street and we pick them up at

05:24 At the bus station on 42nd Street and it was it was that we had just a great time and there was no romantic pressures like no one was saying, you know, well, when can I call you and you know and that lasted for a couple of years just like that just in a very, you know, actual platonic friendship and one visit your mom came down and we had gone out to a museum and when we were there, I think it was the museum of modern history and I was I was really quiet as the day got the day went on and I was just really kind of out of it and I didn't actually understand but it was because I hadn't eaten.

06:21 And hadn't felt that way of such a long time. I remember feeling that way, you know as a child and my mom would always pick up, you know, if I was in a bad mood while you're hungry, aren't you and I must have been quiet that day because that evening your mom says I know that you are quiet today. She says, I don't know if it's something that you know her roommate or she had done to offend me she says but I just wanted to I just wanted to put it out there and I wanted to talk about it. Well that like really touch me because I really love the people who were open and honest and you didn't have to go around in circles in order to get to what the truth was and her coming out and saying that just did something to me. It just really had me see her in a different way. And I remember when they dropped us off at home the the guy that I work with and they dropped us off at home.

07:20 I was like, wow, it's like I didn't want I didn't want the day to end and I leaned back in the car. And I said I want to call you like that. Oh, yeah, you can if you can call whenever whatever you want, and I said no I said I want to call you and I want to talk and she just had the most horrified look on her.

07:42 And and when she

07:48 When she when she left, you know, she later told me that she was just scared horrified or wait on her way home. And that was that was the day I started loving loving your mom.

08:03 Even though the hard part of the question right? When did I know that I fell out of love out of love with her. I guess there are and you know, I don't want to I don't want to not answer the question directly. But I I think it's kind of complex. I think it's it would be hard to say that a person is ever completely out of love with someone is like I want your mom to be happy. I want her to be successful and I want her to to have love in her life, but I would say probably.

08:44 You know.

08:47 Eight or nine years into the marriage is where it just became really hard for me to be in it and to try to be an encourager to her constantly cuz she didn't always feel her best and not physically but I just think kind of emotionally and it got to a point for me where it was. It was just very very difficult to to stay and I would have to say

09:22 The bigger part of that for me was was not being around you, you know all the time. Although it's not like, you know, I moved a thousand miles away and I never saw you again. I know we we always did things and you know from that time till now and you've been you know, and stayed at my place and but I remember you sitting on the bed, you know, when I was moving out and in really almost begging me not to leave and that's the part that I think

09:56 That's the part that that hurts me more than anything.

10:04 Yeah, I think that.

10:08 I think that during that time it was

10:11 Hard for me to understand because cuz I knew that you guys grew apart. It was very visible.

10:22 It's it's not normal to constantly fight about everything but it was it was it was like in the back of my mind and I always felt that I knew it was going to happen like I would cuz I remember having a conversation with my mom when I was like eight or something. It was like are you guys going to get a divorce? And he said no. No, I'm never it's not going to no don't think that she's like, why would you say that and I was like, I don't know. It's just it seems like you guys aren't getting along like you used to

10:58 And

11:00 There was a noticeable shift in your relationship.

11:05 Towards the end of it and I think that

11:10 The fact that I knew it was going to happen didn't become real until it did and I think that's when I actually realized it. Oh, my parents are getting divorced.

11:22 And they didn't really know how to feel about that. I just knew that it would mean that I would have to be.

11:29 Almost pulled into different directions by both of my parents because it felt like I almost had to take a side with one of you in the sense that if my mom was so I was like, I can't like I have to be there and support her and it would almost I would almost feel guilty like even hanging out with you even though it's like that's animal thing that people do like to hear my dad we hang out. That's it, but it's almost felt like I had to take sides.

12:03 And I think it's still kind of feels that way not as intense as it was then because now it's not as you know, we're all the wound, but I think that it's almost like

12:18 There's you know if I'm like, oh no leak if you agree with something or if she agrees to something and I was feels like okay like it's almost like I have her on my side and it's not like when you're a family when someone just disagrees and then I was like, oh, well, you know if he disagrees whatever we'll figure it out. It's more like it's more like you guys are individual people not that you were when you were in a relationship, but it feels like you're much more of your own person when you are divorced and you are as a family cuz everything works as a unit and like you all have to come to like, you know, a similar conclusion to everything but like now decisions are very different like even if you know school trips, it's more like, oh I tell one of you and then if the other one doesn't know it's almost like okay like it's going to happen anyways.

13:11 So there's

13:14 There's almost like a more there's a bigger sense of freedom, but it feels very constrained. Like it's very limited. What makes it feel constrained for you. I think that

13:31 When if I'm doing anything, I feel like I have to tell the both of you.

13:37 And it could be as simple as going out and getting groceries. But if it's like if I don't tell like either one of you it's somehow becomes like this massive deal like like when you didn't tell us that it's like I'm just doing like I told one of you and usually that wouldn't be a problem because you would be you know together and it would have just been like, oh she told me and then you tell the other person but now since communication is I can between you and my mom it's not like that simple like one of you isn't just going to text him and be like, oh this is what's happening or give him a call cuz now it's almost like you live completely separate lives. So the only thing that you guys have in common is me and even that is, you know hard to

14:29 Really hard to explain

14:33 It's like you have to be a different person around each other because of me.

14:42 And I think that it's harder for you guys cuz it's almost like it seems like you're trying to move on with your life yet. You still have this thing bringing you together, which is me so it's hard.

14:55 Get past that. I think that's that's very interesting. Cuz I I know that's exactly how you experience it. But did you know that your mom and I were talking last night?

15:11 No, I didn't.

15:13 Yeah, and and we talked quite off today. We probably should tell you this coming from the wedding that you went to we are both very concerned about you your whereabouts and making sure that you're in a cab and I can actually read you the text messages that we were sitting back and forth and she asked me to listen to a song by Neil Diamond about you what happened last night happens all the time. And I'm glad we're having this talk because it lets you know, that things are actually a lot better than what they were your mom and I end up talking a lot of times now sometimes granted.

16:08 That there's a miscommunication or one doesn't know the other one dyes or I'll forget to tell her something that you only told me but we talk all the time and one of the things that she said to me that was very sentimental is that she knows that you're going to be gone soon, you know to call it your or wherever and although she knows that's right. She's going to miss having you by herself.

16:33 I think that's why she wants me to stay in the city for cuddling.

16:41 I can't remember whose turn it is your turn to ask me a question or is it my turn? I think that was my question was that?

16:51 Is there anything else you'd like to know about what I just told you?

16:55 About your mom and I

16:59 In fact, I think our relationship is is a lot better now that it's part, but I'm glad you asked a question cuz it makes me mindful bit.

17:09 We should both tell you that we're actually okay with each other more than we really see you as the most important thing and it's not like a problem. You know, like you're this problem that keeps us together. You you give meaning to our lives and then the relationship that we have with each other actually is a meaningful relationship because of you.

17:44 That makes sense. It's nice to know.

17:53 What are you proudest of most in my life is your life being born a hard question to answer? I think mainly just because of my age. I feel like I haven't really done anything. I'm only 16. It doesn't feel like I've really accomplished anything.

18:20 That sounds kind of sad.

18:28 I think that.

18:31 I feel like I should do more but I can't I was like this.

18:37 I feel like my age is very limiting to things that I would want to do, especially.

18:44 I feel like even school. I feel like I'm in school. I felt like I was stuck. It wasn't like I wasn't getting to a point. I felt like I was doing nothing and I always feel that education is very important. But I feel like it's so flawed. I mean, I just took took the SATs yesterday had to get up at like 4 in the morning check out there. I saw so many kids there and it was just like everyone was so stressed like no one looked happy. And this is what you do to get into college and everyone there looked like they were going through hell and then like this isn't what

19:28 Getting into college should look like it shouldn't be getting up really early not being able to like really even eat anything cuz you're so nervous and then taking a test for 3 in Lake hours and 45 minutes into staying in a room and just being so exhausted after and then you're just like what was that for? What does that prove? What is that test prove nothing. It doesn't prove anything and there's tons of people who who will probably get accepted to Ivy League colleges and you know, it'll be like this big thing and everyone celebrates and I have friends who you're going to Harvard and you know it it's like you're going to law school good for you.

20:19 And I think that

20:21 I think that that's probably the my one of my biggest fears is not being proud of anything I've done because I'm just going to get a job and just do that and make money and be financially secure and then like wake up at 45 and look back at the rest of my life and be like what have I done like I've done nothing that's made me happy and I think that's like so scary because I feel like so many people do that.

20:50 And I don't know I feel like I have like an existential crisis every other about that cuz I'm just I'm just like what is what is the point of everything? What are we doing? We're like sending these kids through school including myself just going through this big machine and just spits us out. Then we go into another big machine which is called and they're like this is going to be your life and you and then you get out of college and you don't know how to live your life because you've been trained to do all these things like a robot.

21:26 And it's not even helping you. You're just trying to get a job. What if you can't get a job then you're like stuck in his hard place and then let you know. I mean, I know so many people who like 28 living with their parents trying to make it work.

21:43 And it's like why did you just spend all that money on College if you do a job isn't even secure.

21:50 Are any of the people in possibility project like that? I think there is no I think that a lot of them actually haven't gone to college there working out. I mean some of them are really young like me so they're still in high school but a lot of them through the foster care system and just in general people in general people like need to get a job in order to secure an apartment and it's like they're living off of nothing and you expect them to just get a job in order to have an apartment like how difficult is that also living on your own at the age of like 19 and someone's like hay in order to be able to Grant you this apartment. You're going to need to get a job.

22:42 It's it just makes me really think cuz I'm just like

22:49 I don't even know what people are doing. Like I'm in when I man that there cuz like this makes me happy. I'm happy doing this, but then people are like, you know, where you going to do? How are you going to make money? You're not going to live and I'm like I probably will be very broke. But I think if you're happy, I think you should just do it. I think you should just do what You Love by mean the worn-out thing to say. I think everyone says it it's easier said than done but I don't know. I don't want to live the rest of my life being so miserable. You're very early in your life. It's interesting because that's one of the things that

23:36 Makes me very proud of you is that you've always had this mine. That is extremely.

23:45 Inquisitive and seeking to understand what is going on around you and how to make meaning of things. I probably told you about this conversation before when you were just a little over two you had already started reading, you know, obviously talkin if you could read and it really made your mother and I think about you know, what are we going to do with with this child, you know are in a regular school system and some of the things that you're saying, you know kind of a mat and you ended up going to a gifted school and I think it was challenging for you. But the type of questions that you were asking, you know, we were brushing our teeth one night playing in the bathroom and you know shaving cream on the face and just having a good old time.

24:42 You just suddenly stops, you know, this two-and-a-half-year-old baby stopped and said papa says I want to always remember tonight and I looked at you and I was like why and you said because one day you'll be dead and you won't you won't be here.

25:06 And and it was just like shocking and you said and I want to be able to remember that we had this time and that's that was this this child. You know that that we knew you know, what have these these questions, you know, so these questions that you have actually makes me proud of you. You're your mind makes me proud of you the way you play piano is incredible like you know it by ear your singing voice is fascinating the fact that you you know did dance for so many years, you know, but just your mind the way that you use your mind how you love people, you know makes me really proud of you as well. So

26:01 I don't know that you should worry so much about

26:04 What's going to happen when your 28 you can really enjoy a lot of the things that you're doing right now?

26:15 I think that.

26:17 I think it's really hard to.

26:20 You know reflect upon yourself and and talk about your accomplishments. I think especially for me I don't know about you but I feel like it's almost like this like a most narcissistic thing to do and it's not but it feels very uncomfortable. Even when people give compliments. I'm kind of like it makes me cringe.

26:47 Which is what you should be just like a good thing. Are you sounds like you did really good job and you're like, thanks, but for some reason it's like this thing or Italy.

26:58 Maybe I didn't do that great with you and it's like you really hard on yourself. I don't know. What are you proud of?

27:06 Well, you're the you're the main Pride that I have like I I just said I can just remember so many conversations and so many things, you know my childhood was it, you know?

27:20 By any stretch of the matter, you know a horrible childhood. It's like I you know suffering things that many people suffer, but I do recall deliberately thinking I don't want to

27:34 Do some of the things that my parent did you know with you and you know, I'm proud to see that you're raised in out enough free, you know, thinking, you know, what kind of free acting environment. I'm also proud that I kind of made it on my own since I was 15, you know, I lived on my own works and all the way up into all the time. I was 36. I didn't go to college and I was managing people large organizations of people the board of education at a large company called BMG, you know, I did all that without a college education didn't start call Shaw's 36 and have been in college now since 6 and I just finished my dissertation and I'm very proud of that for my doctoral degree.

28:33 I guess those two things you and my Milady grade education. I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you didn't I couldn't do that. I can't write a book. I would get bored in the middle of it and just be like, all right, I'm done with this like two pages into it or you could you didn't like record time dealing 3 months with you to think I'm going to do this. I'm sure you could.

29:06 What's your up? I know you're still a child though. People. Listen to this may not think you're listening to a child. But going back in your childhood. What's your best?

29:18 Memory of childhood

29:22 That's such a tough question. You hit every year worst first.

29:32 How got best childhood memory?

29:38 I think when you me and mom went to Exuma.

29:46 In the Bahamas, and we went to that island of pigs.

29:52 And I had this milk that I brought with me and is like vanilla milk and when a little piggies came up to me and I fed it the milk, and it looks so happy.

30:05 I think that it was such a Carefree place. Like I wasn't thinking about anything like I had homework don't like the first grade to do and

30:20 Yeah, I just didn't care was just a place where I felt like really relaxed. I don't think I've been that relax in a long time.

30:28 Nice

30:30 My favorite

30:33 Is there anything that you would like to know about me or from he's or anything important?

30:42 I think

30:46 I think that when

30:48 You talk to your parents. You always talk to them about stuff being a really talked to them about themselves. And so I really ever talked to you about.

31:01 Things that you've gone through

31:04 So I'd like to ask you what's the what's like the scariest time that you've had maybe like a time where you were really afraid?

31:17 In your childhood

31:19 Wow, I guess you were a couple of occasions.

31:24 One time there was

31:29 Wow, I guess there was a lot I used to live just on the outskirts of what was really gang-infested area in Pomona, California, and we lived in Montclair, but it was like the border of Pomona and at the time I don't know what it's like today, but it was filled with the Bloods gang.

31:57 And there was so many interactions there was this, you know set leader in one neighborhood that was bothering my sister and I had to stand up to him and I didn't know what was going to happen, you know what he was going to do, but I had to tell him leave my sister alone and here I was having this kind of tension and yet there was another set of tension on top of that. They were the cops there in in the neighborhood that would come through and one night. I came from football game and across the street.

32:37 And a cop car rolls up and they're actually tasering the guy across the street that was bothering my sister and when he grows up to me stopped me jumped out of his car wrapping by my collar throws me down in the ground and have a shotgun pump in my face and he says you move your dad and I went from Fear to just kind of

33:08 It resolved like I'm not going to actually make it across the street to my house. I'll be going to happen to me. That was probably one of the scarier moments from childhood.

33:21 It's terrifying, you know, I wanted to tell you something in my adult life. One thing that it's like I never really got through the full story about your beautiful Papillon dog. Junie bee, you know

33:41 I know that the way that she died was was awful. I remember leaving a box that I was bringing it to the house for a shelf that was going to build for you, but you didn't want that after that and

33:57 And you know just in a moment's notice not balancing that shelf out that box out and Junie bee, you know jumping on it or whatever having a pressure when she was a still alive and like came out of unconsciousness and she was breathing and I wrapped her in a towel and went outside. It was a cop on a horse that saw me and he said, you know, can I help you any road, you know when you found us a cab for me and I talked to Jenny be all the way to the the Veterinarian's Hospital and I told her you know, if she makes it all better jump on your bed and I'll let you know do whatever she wants whenever she wants and I just couldn't figure out how I was going to tell you that she didn't make it when I came home that day.

34:55 I'm just really sorry for that.

34:58 I want to tell you that.

35:01 I am

35:05 Every time I think about it makes me really sad.

35:09 But that was actually something that I was going to talk to you about because it reminded me that I was wondering cuz that was kind of the first time that I've been around something that had died.

35:24 In. This looks like a scary thing, but it's always around us and I know I think they like I purposely block that kind of my mind cuz I just I didn't want to think about it. I don't I don't like the thought of the fact that one day. I'll die and that one day everyone that I know. Well it's

35:47 Scary thing to think about

35:52 I'm glad that you know, we're here now and that we can talk about things like this and

35:59 Memories and remembering things is what keeps us alive and reminds us that we are here. So I think that just talking like we are now really

36:14 Play makes me happy.

36:16 Thank you. Thanks for doing this and I just want you to know that I love you like nothing else in my life, and I want to be around as long as possible to enjoy it with you.

36:29 Me too.