Kimberly Hegman and Susan Skedsvold

00:01 My name is Susan skedsvold. I am age 53 today's date is July 11th, 2014. I'm in Houston, Texas, and I'm here with Kim my liver donors wife.

00:16 My name is Kim Hagmann. I'm 59 had to remember that it's July 11th, 2014. And where in Houston Texas and I my husband is the donor for Susan.

00:36 Yeah, I'm so glad you came to the transplant games of America with me and too high. It's good isn't it? And we plan on this a few months ago and I'm just glad it worked out that we were able to come and you are able to join us and that you were able to join team in Dak. Yeah, North Dakota South Dakota. Minnesota should be minn-dak California and it's funny that we were both able to get here about the same time.

01:06 Different airports when we flew in the same time and got to the hotel about the same time at all worked out. Well, it worked out. Well. Yeah, I really have to thank you because when be here today without your decision

01:21 I know, you know yesterday yesterday throwbackthursday. I posted a picture on Facebook of me when I was for Donald when he was 12.

01:35 You know, he's my second cousin.

01:38 And seen you guys for 17 years and you were my

01:44 The Gift of Life

01:47 Well just do it was important when Donald had his stroke and we knew he wasn't going to live.

01:55 That we had to figure out a way to have him live on and I didn't even think about doing a donor thing at that point.

02:03 And then they approached us and then my father-in-law said what you know Susan needs a liver and we didn't even know if you would match or not. And of course then I screwed up the whole blood type thing, but it worked out. Did that it was the right blood type and

02:25 You know, it was the right decision. We did donate his heart and lungs and liver and kidneys and

02:33 I think deliver to you is such a special gift because it brought us closer together. We had dinner and I've heard from the heart recipient to a letter but I haven't contacted anybody else. I'm still not ready know it's hard, but it's been five years since he's gone in that five years has turned into a wonderful.

02:58 Adventure for you, and I yeah boy that kind of been up and down cuz of what we've been through but we've been through a lot lot of doubt that there was it 1992 in Oakland whooping it up at a 50th wedding anniversary. I lived in California are no I lived in Virginia that you were in California. And yeah, so we were kind of dancing and having a good old time and midwesterners were actually showing you guys how to party. Yeah.

03:32 And dance and and that was the last time we seen you guys.

03:38 And then I started my journey and started getting sick and my husband felt, you know, there's something wrong with you. We're going to move back home. So we move back to North Dakota.

03:50 And I just kept getting sick. I took 10 years to get diagnosed. I called the doctor and they say

03:58 There's nothing wrong with you go home and eat properly and exercising and your liver was slowly going away going away. Well, you know, my liver disease wasn't

04:09 Normal, I mean I was one of those small percentage of people who just had a bad liver. It wasn't due to alcohol or hepatitis. It wasn't due to any of that stuff. So, you know, I got to the point where I wasn't functioning, you know, I would go home and eat properly exercised to the I got the phone. I was too tired to do that and then I didn't eat and then my body just blew up like a big balloon and they say go home and eat properly and I think that's what my files at the doctor kept growing and they just miss you. That's the one thing the doctors kept doing was dismissing me and that's not right now. It isn't and finally when they told me I had liver disease.

04:51 Well first I had to actually leave my job. I come to my job. I could I play with numbers all day and I could balance 10 million dollars in the next minute. I didn't know how to add two plus two. I have to leave my job. I wasn't able to do it and I would tell them there's something wrong with me and they say Oh, no, just, you know go home and eat properly.

05:15 And I had to leave my job. And then finally when I was diagnosed we ask the doctor my husband ask the doctor. What what should we do? And he said we'll see what you can do with the rest your life. LOL the other miss me again. Will you put on a donor list at that point I gave up a little bit. You know what the doctors are the ones that are supposed to know what to do. So you give up then

05:39 And you just

05:42 You figure wall kehe dismiss me. And when we asked him and he to again sad when we asked him, what was the cause of this? Well, she didn't take care of herself properly. Like how many times have we been told that when I was one who always a properly and I always exercised until I got to the point I couldn't

06:02 And so having somebody tell you see what you can do with the rest of your life is pretty devastating the same and so I'd actually given up and then of course when my family didn't want me to give up the Captain Crunch me to go see another doctor. So about a year later I did while she had gone to mail and they just say, yes, you have liver disease blah blah blah nice to be home. And so I went to another doctor here later and he said I'm sending you a specialist and that's specialist that I don't care where you go you're being evaluated for a transplant Mayo never evaluated me for transplant. They just said, yes you have liver disease and they sent me home.

06:41 So I went to the University of Minnesota.

06:44 And they said

06:46 Yeah, we're going to evaluate you and a week later. I was on the waiting list allow. So how many years did you have to wait was over two years and you know, it was Super Bowl Sunday when you guys called I only know it's Super Bowl Sunday, but I wasn't watching the you know, yeah, he had to see my husband Donald had a stroke.

07:06 In the RV he was getting ready to take it to get fixed.

07:12 And I was at work in Livermore. He was in Manteca. So that was about an hour away.

07:18 And he called me and it was January 27th or 28th. I can't remember right now of 2009.

07:26 And I hate going to get ahold of me at first my secretary had answered the phone and he told her that he thought he had a stroke and she said, you know that I wasn't in the office that they're going to go get me but to hang up and call 911.

07:42 So he did and then he called back and by then I was back in the office and I got to talk to him for about 10 minutes.

07:51 In his

07:54 Speech was slurred and he kept telling me it took aspirin and he thought he had a stroke and I said, okay, let me get off the phone so I can get to my car and get to you and by the time I got to my car to call him back.

08:10 He was already in the ambulance so I couldn't talk to him again as last time you talked. That was the last time I talked to him and then between the hospital that he was taken to.

08:24 In the hospital that operated on him he they said something popped cuz he was

08:31 I think he was gone at that point, but he was kept on so they I had to make a decision when we got to the hospital in Stockton.

08:41 As to whether to operate or not, and I said I wanted to talk to my kids and he said no we have to decide now and I said well then operate but I remember going and talking to him my husband and they had show me his eyes and they were fixed and dilated and I just told him to go with God, but they operated and we hoped for 5 days.

09:07 Said he would live but he didn't and I knew he didn't want to be a vegetable. So I knew I had to make some hard decisions.

09:17 And then that's when dentist said before that. That's when the donor Network came to us and asked us about donating cuz my husband never had told me he wanted to donate organs. So I had to make that decision and I did it with my kids my two older Sons you still feel guilty of time sometimes because it wasn't a decision that we talked about, but I wanted him to live on we wanted him to live on.

09:45 So for you to get his liver.

09:49 Was really important because you were related.

09:53 So it was a real important gift.

09:58 Yeah, we never know do it.

10:01 And then when you woke up, you have to tell that story.

10:06 Because it's really important the one about him playing the guitar.

10:11 Well, you know, I was really out of it, you know.

10:19 I got to the point where shot in in the last two years. I was basically completely shot in I'd lost my driving privileges.

10:26 I'd I'd only go to the doctor missed holidays. I did go to my father-in-law's funeral.

10:35 And then that birthday in October.

10:39 Steve took me to Duluth cuz I always wanted to go to Duluth cuz he thought that was going to be my last birthday and I was pretty numb he had me doing stuff that I should have been doing. But I know he was watching me so I didn't fall in love It'll like

10:52 But he thought that was going to be my last birthday and so

10:56 I was really out of it, you know one thing with liver disease people don't understand is you get encephalopathy and lets you know when the toxins don't fit filter through your liver.

11:05 And where those toxins go but up to affect your brain. So yes, I could balance $2000000 and then I couldn't add two plus two and then I was home sick. I would go in and out of these comatose States and when I was in the comatose state that still like crawl out of bed and one day Steve was at work or at home working at the kitchen table and I came out and I opened up the

11:29 Cam covered under the sink and I kept telling him I have to be in he still go pee and that point down there doesn't work and then take me back to bed pretty soon. I'd be down there opening up the cupboards and Eli had no idea I was doing and I take me back to bed and then he said a little while later I came out and I had a meltdown because I wanted my tan robe. I don't even have it and roll until then he had to convince me, LOL and I went with that and I remember coming out of that one. I it was so odd because I was sitting at the kitchen counter. I remember sitting at the kitchen counter staring at the blank TV on the counter, but I was on the phone with my brother laughing telling him about the pink dancing pigs on top of the TV. You know what I was just having a great time, you know and cousin Karen. She called me told me after my transplant Eureka. So goofy I call you anyway and one day you were working with the terrorists. I mean, I just had no clue what I was doing and

12:28 So no wonder they took my driving privileges away. No wonder they let me stay home. And then, you know, so, you know when?

12:39 We got the call.

12:42 I remember telling you that I was

12:45 We got the call and I think it was sand you called and told Steve that it was the one blood type and and I said, I don't know how I could remember somebody else's blood type when I was in that state and I said, oh no, that's Russell blood type and he's waiting for a liver and then I realized that I said the wrong and I looked at my book and I my oh my God, I made a mistake. So after we got things going for Russell, then you guys, can you call Dad? And you said no, it's your blood type and it's like, okay and I just hung up the phone and called Stevie was out of town. I said, it's my blood type. Okay, and I just went to bed. So what you going to do and it's like I don't know you tell me if I had to make a decision. So we headed down to Minneapolis-Saint.

13:30 And it's really kind of amazing team work that goes into this because we had it to Minneapolis.

13:37 And since Donald was in the state he was in and I was in the state I was in there able to recover at night. So I had to be down there and so I was already down in surgery before you can play left California. I Believe by what they were able to do what they needed was Donald at night and then but it's a charter team like my team from University Minnesota got on a charter plane and went the other teams went and they all work together and then they come back alone and when they were I think 20 minutes out of the Cities.

14:11 I was already down in the ER but that's when they made the first incision incision and got everything ready. So when they landed they helicopters over and then there they were able to see if Donald's liver was viable. It was viable. So then you know, I'm already ready to go then they made the change. I remember coming out of them.

14:35 Why don't remember at all? I just Steve and then would tell me that.

14:42 When I was I don't remember to recovery. I just remember in the big I see you and

14:50 I remember when I started waking up in there to the point my head was clear for years. I didn't know what day of the week. It was. I didn't know anything but Donald liver was already getting rid of all those toxins while getting rid of all those toxins in my body and I could think and I you know, I couldn't move my body. I mean, I think that's 50% black and blue eyed tubes coming out of places. There should have been tubes coming out. So I had dopplers hooked up to me I had

15:18 You know, I I I was not real pretty but didn't they say it was a perfect match was it what they said vessel. Everything was a perfect match to that was a miracle. It really was and

15:33 You know, it was my head was clear my body couldn't move but my head was clear. She said he came in and when they got me up into the ICU, and he said the only place on my body that wasn't covered with something with my forehead. He gave me a kiss on my forehead.

15:52 And them

15:53 And then of course we had such a dumb just like you and Donald had such a sense of humor. And your relationship is first thing I said to him is you're not getting any and then he told me and then when he went to leave that night he went and kissed me on my forehead and I told you still not getting any and so that night he went back and emailed everybody at that. She's back up. She's back but it was all those toxins were already getting out of my body know it wasn't easy. I had to fight to come back. I mean I had a couple setbacks I one day they had me I'll load it up to go out of ICU and then they brought me back in and are they taking all the NG tubes out and had to go back in and I mean, it wasn't it wasn't pretty but

16:40 It was you know, you fight lost all my muscle mass. I'd lost everything so just being here at the transplant games and participating am I going to win? Probably not so I care but I'm here or just here to have fun. But so tell the story about what when you woke up and down y be laying in my room.

17:03 And I know is Donald I be at night in my room and I'd be laying there Wide Awake. It's just like my brain was stimulated. I was stimulated because I was finally awake and it wasn't awake.

17:16 I had someone playing guitar and singing for me and there's would come in and they leave and when they came in it stopped when they leave The Heat start playing guitar and singing today again, and we know what we know. What sound does Donald play guitar and he

17:34 We had a granddaughter that was almost two and he was learning how to play somewhere over the rainbow. And so every time we hear that song we know he's with best fit in my sister has said that right after he passed away when she was in work and I work in the elevator at her work. He appeared to her a couple of times when he was young and he told her that I was right and so I know that he's around and his spirit is with us taking care of Indiana Inc. Reply up their jamming with their guitars.

18:20 Now is Donald's favorite was Stevie Ray Vaughan, so it's interesting.

18:25 You know just the music the spirit everything is happening for a reason.

18:33 We do one of those strange things. You'll Donald be my second cousin and Susie be my second cousin, but Donald and Susie are first cousins, right and the whole many years every week or every other week. I get a letter from Susan.

18:47 And the letter came after the transplant.

18:53 Prices insane pray for Donald

18:56 Pray for our cousin Donald cuz he's had a stroke and by that time already had done with me by but it was just kind of really I hadn't known that story. Yeah, I felt so bad about Russell because here we you know, somebody else who's waiting for an organ and I felt bad for Russell that he got his hopes up and then it was taken away. Well, I had my transplant on February 4th, which is a Wednesday and Sunday when I was laid up in the room. He called my parents or his wife called. My parents are on the way to Mayo and he's gotten his his call and we honestly feel that by getting his name out there and

19:41 It just reminded them and made them aware of him again, cuz you know except except it's once I got it twice. I got it from my parents and now I got it from you and Donald and the doctor.

20:02 My surgeon when he was meeting with me, he says you're not nervous about this all and I said no I said I trust you when I said, it's God's Will and whatever is going to be is going to be and he said what what's wrong then and I said, well, I think there's other people who need it worse than I do and adhesives now, but this was gifted to you. It was a direct gift to you and the drugs he gives don't happen that often and I said, okay, we'll go with it. Come to find out.

20:32 My liver was so bad that I would have only made it a month and maybe two at the most tomorrow. It was I would have made it back to anger. So I truly believe that God works in mysterious ways. And that there's a reason why you and Dawn were put on this Earth. There's a reason why we are so close now now and that are kids so full, you know, he's able to be at Kelly's wedding Steve and I were able to go to Kelly Mindy's wedding and I remember Mandy I wasn't sure do you really want me there? Cuz I didn't want to be here but you remember Mindy standing up on the deck that day and she's making a toast and she's just looking at me the whole time and she's talking about Donald. Yeah. That's why she wanted you there. They both and all of us wanted you there you have that was so then I get on my feet.

21:27 Steve Kerr has a three and a half months Journey with cancer and he has gone had I not had the transplant I would have been able to take care of him, right?

21:38 And then you came and were with us when he died it and then you were when we take a walk for cancer for him and walk for cancer for him. I didn't because that's the day he died. That was the day that we had 60 some people at the house that day and they're still dirty son when he died.

21:56 So we had a celebration of life. We lose weight before and now I'm celebrated life and but then you came out for my first anniversary without him cuz you know what I was going through. Yes.

22:09 And all we did was to around on Segways all over Minneapolis. There you go. That was fun. We had was I'm done some wonderful things. I mean, I've always wanted to go to North Dakota cuz they always talked about it.

22:24 And unfortunately had to come without him but he was with you so I was with me but I got to see North Dakota Minnesota. I got to I got to go to Minneapolis. We did Segways. I was like, oh my God, we gone to San Diego. You've come to California. Maybe we'll go to Italy. That's our Dream your life is going to change it. Well, let's hope we've done since her husband passed away is yes, you've been ever since he was gone. My mom care of your mom and I went to Steve's three and a half months Journey with cancer my friend Mike's 3 months and it cancer and just a couple weeks ago is Mom's couple internal accounts are done with that. We need to have good stuff happening that were widows on the edge. Yes. Yes. We are watch out. Here we come.

23:24 But you know, that's you know.

23:28 Why I hit, you know, I have problem with that term waiting list, right? I don't like the term reading this right? I don't feel One Life as a more important than another. I mean you hear people going out in their advocating that you do so and so was the number one on the way to Lowe's store number 2 when they should have had to die nobody's to have to die. But we all have a journey. It's out of our control. Its we're not in charge, right? But why did I get to live and Donald didn't I don't know. What is it to caregive? Was it for you? And I is there something more going on?

24:00 And why did your life change so abruptly when you had we both had good men in our life. We had good marriages. We had you know, our children. We had all the ones that you know, I've always been a strong faith and I've always heard of a lot of people when they become widows or family members pass and they get angry with God and I actually kind of embraced got more because I needed something.

24:29 And I know that that's there's a reason why everything happens. Yeah, we don't know what it is. We want to know cuz that's our human side. Yeah, but things over the years will materialize to tell us why and you know how it we don't know how long our journey is going to be even after you've gone the transplant know and I don't know how long my journey is going to be but it's the journey that we can share together now. Yeah, and we do and we do want to do we can go months without seeing each other and walk in the same room in the conversation just came down from the last one. It's like we haven't been apart. So we have to be to have an instant best friends. We have you guys know each other or how they all say. How old are you part of me is whatever but the other part is

25:25 Do we have had a little fun? But we have had I think we've touched people's lives by telling our story. I think we have to because there because they're amazed at our relationship before and now and I also hope that it happened. I think sometime somewhere along the line somebody's going to look at both of us and say I didn't give up because of you know, you made a difference in my life been observing how we handled things. We didn't I mean it's that's just not an option to give up. No. No, but some people do it with some because I do know people who've had transplants.. Oh, I'm going to head transplant and I can do whatever I want and then they they didn't fight for it. And and I do know other people who have transplants that sometimes I want to shake them and say, you know, how easy you had it you who I was and you got sick boom week later. You had a transplant and boom you're back on you weren't so run-down where you had to bite to come back. You didn't lose all everything you didn't.

26:25 Lose your life your quality life. You didn't lose your life for years.

26:30 They have no idea they just oh, yeah, it's easier, you know, it says a gift isn't is maybe with a special gift is as maybe they take it for granted. Yeah, but I don't think they'd appreciate it to the level of those who have and use some people again, like I said, I don't like that term waiting list. Why are you what are you waiting for your waiting?

26:55 You're waiting for life you're waiting for life, but when they medically and whatever, it's when somebody passes away you were waiting for and flights to say your life is an important than the one passing away. The waiting list makes it to clinical it makes it and I don't like that term because it's cold and it's not because no life is in a different than anybody else is life. You know, I like you and I were talking this morning. So what are we doing now? You know, I like I said you go out to Steve's out to the cemetery out Little Country Cemetery in their Steve's headstone in mind right next to it and I am his necklace and yours is next to Donald. So both of us have our names.

27:35 And our first date and then we have our - we're living our Dash and we got to figure out what's that - and where are we going? What are we going to leave behind in that Dash and how we don't know how long that Dash is going to last. We don't know we have to live every day to the fullest like everybody says but not everybody does. Yeah and the bad thing that both you and I do this weekend from our heart everything. So we've given to the point where she spent why we're both kind of spent, right? What do me cancer and death than giving everything. I have to everybody and I know they appreciate it and the family's appreciate it, but then they all go on with her own life and you're sitting here by yourself. Okay, I'm done. Now, where do I go? But they don't realize how much of you you've invested when I gave them.

28:21 I gave to me and you're giving everything to your children and grandchildren and your mother and Mom and really one of the funny things about.

28:31 The death process

28:35 Is that when?

28:37 When he got sick, then everybody congregates my family came down from Oregon every my kids were in my house. Everybody was in my house for weeks and it was comforting and I was in a daze.

28:53 And then

28:55 Everybody has to go back to their lives. Yeah, and then you're all alone.

29:01 When you have friends and everybody's concerned about you, but they have to go back to their lives. Yeah, and you're all alone and you're all alone. And so you have to figure out what you're doing with your life. And that's not easy. It's not and I feel like that even with my friends that help now. It's like, okay now they I've given them everything I've got and now they go back to their own lies and it's like, okay and when you're with couples or families that have you know, I love my kids. I love my you know, my everybody that's in my life, but they all have somebody and you don't anymore and it's you feel like a fifth wheel. Yeah.

29:47 You know and you were saying, you know, I got to go on a singles cruise. What was Steve everybody congregated before and everybody congregated before and everybody, you know that day. We had a celebration of life. We did the 61.61 and we did the 5K and we had barbecue in a hurry had a big party at our house and that was the day he died and they're still like I feel like people there when he died and then everybody went home and I was there in the house by myself at night.

30:23 You didn't even have the comfort of having them with you after the no I hadn't before and then there was still come for the funeral.

30:32 A couple days in a few days later, and then that Saturday was my birthday.

30:38 And so my brothers and their spouses and cousins that were in town and took me out for my birthday.

30:44 It was at that before Sunday was my birthday. So that Saturday night. We all went out. I woke up Sunday on my birthday alone. And you know you were working and you were active for me being shut in all those years and sick all those years and just getting on my feet when Steve died.

31:05 I'd lost all those people, you know, when you don't have that contacting you not working in you on have that you know.

31:13 You lose everybody everybody has their life while you're shutting in your house. So now it's like starting over and now we're even though I was working when he passed. I took almost three months. So yeah, you do have any way. We'll fly or someplace. Well that was later on this year, but during that time. I was just trying to

31:34 Figure out my life and I actually ran away to Oregon for the week. That was it organized because I I just needed to get out of the house and I went to my brothers and sisters and that helped but then I came home to an empty house and then finally when I did go back to work.

31:51 The whole dynamics of my job changed because my priorities changed. Yeah, Donald always took care of my granddaughter and I didn't want to stop that process. So I asked to work part-time so you can take care of granddaughter and that changed the Dynamics of my job. And so I ended up moving around.

32:13 Until you benchley they had to buy out and I took it I'm like, okay, I'm done. My priorities are my family. Yeah your priorities change. Yeah. I know. That's what I think. You don't people that go through transplants are donor families and everybody. It's a transition for everybody and I think

32:36 Like I say some transplants are very easy and it hasn't really affected him some you have to start a whole new life over and then we have death on top of that than you were starting over and you don't even the food donor family, especially for spouse you're starting over and but that's

32:54 But we're starting all over with new life. And that's where you and I have been so lucky because we've been able to have a new life together. Right? We've been able to have each other and we've been able to embrace each other and love each other and have fun together and understand where each other is coming from which is really been helpful and therapeutic to because I mean as much as my kids love me and my sister and my brother love me, they haven't gone through what you've done where I've gone to although my kids have gone through a different kind of grieving process right and same with mine and I have to understand that.

33:34 But you and I especially since you've lost Steve. Yeah, we just have this connection that even my best friend in Oregon and I don't don't have well and had it been me that went to not Steve.

33:49 It would have been different than you and I handling it now because he knows a death of a spouse because Steven already grieved. He was already grieving for years. He was already lost me. I mean, I wasn't the same person I've been for years.

34:02 And then all the sudden one day I'm back and he's like, oh she's back and and then you know, he felt guilty because I'm sure he'd already gone through a lot of the grieving process because even though you're there physically you're not there, right? But you know, I'm so thankful for the gift that you gave me because

34:22 We're here today were able to do things. We're both able to make a difference in the world. Sometimes. It's at the expense of our own Hearts, but we're able to be here and were able to be in Texas and where they able to celebrate and be with the team and I'm so thankful my Leo team out there Embrace. Do I brought you in a r t Mary thankful for that? And I'm looking forward to the games. I know it's gone and I haven't bowled in over 20 year-old hitting the walk. I'll probably be the last one walking over the Finish Line with my gimpy leg, you know, and you know, like life keeps getting in the way but neither of us are giving up, you know, cuz of that activities I'm signed up for race walking. Well what happens

35:22 Has another death and then another job and then I had my trainer. I I got a trainer to help me get stronger cuz I didn't have that strength the last three sessions when we're supposed to work on the farm. He was sick twice and got called out of town the line so that I'm not ready and then we'll then I got shingles and you know it until you know what I don't care if I win or lose. I just want to go do it and I'll just be fun and if I mean if they're done and it takes me an hour later to get in Wild n Out.

35:57 No.

36:00 Yes.

36:19 Going to cry.

36:23 He's handsome. He was very handsome.

36:26 I knew Donald I grew up in Oakland California and Donald met my brother when he was they were in the sixth grade. So I met down when I was in the fourth grade.

36:39 He had these beautiful green eyes.

36:43 That's what I miss the most it's the green.

36:50 Yam.

36:53 Scroogled gracefully he I mean he was only 56 but he had this beautiful salt and pepper hair white temples. He was 5/8.

37:03 So he's taller than me. He didn't like to dance, but he dance with me in the kitchen.

37:10 He took a ballroom dancing class under protest with me. And so the only things he learned were few steps and that's all we did in the kitchen.

37:23 He was a jokester. He was serious.

37:27 He was always right about everything except for his blood pressure.

37:33 He didn't take care of his health as well as I would have liked to do.

37:38 He loved his kids.

37:42 Images granddaughter

37:45 And I think that he knew Gavin was even before he was born because he left before Gavin was born.

37:53 But I think in spirit you was with him.

37:57 In Charlie

37:59 And it in

38:01 One needs spiritual thing that I have to share. Is that my step granddaughter Taya?

38:08 Was really young to Wendell died and she only knew down for two or three months and after he died and they were in the car. She said Papa Don's right outside my window and he was like flying outside window from the eyes and mouths of babes, you know things come out there so pure.

38:31 And one day she said when she got a little older, I don't see papa Don anymore.

38:37 It was hard, but we know he's there watching over us.

38:43 And he played guitar.

38:45 Didn't think you was good, but he was really good. He taught my oldest son Corey out of play guitar.

38:52 He loved the kids soccer games baseball games. We were always going to those. We had an RV we were always think of places to go.

39:02 He was a lot of fun. It could be a pain in the ass, but he was a lot of fun and I'm in garnering. I miss him.

39:20 It's just a gift to me too, because part of it is still alive.

39:27 So

39:31 I don't know. I don't know how to put it in words. It's just

39:35 It's like we have this Bond there's an unspoken bond that started from the get-go and it's unconditional. It's unconditional.

39:45 And I don't think it'll ever go away. It's just a part of us now. It's like it was meant to be yeah.

39:54 It's really no different than our relationship like with her with the weather you Donald and Steve and I used to accept each other unconditionally and somebody says something dumb and you just like oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean we were able to just talk. Yeah.

40:11 I miss being able to talk.

40:14 Two grown up. My mom's got Alzheimer's and so I always answering questions and never having a conversation.

40:24 So I need that. Yeah.

40:28 And both of us have experienced a lot of people liking to tell us what to do while yeah, there are good at offered advice and either how you're supposed to recover or how you're supposed to handle a relationship or how you're supposed to handle being a widow or how you're supposed to act like we don't we don't really don't need to be told we don't need to be told and the thing as we just one person can stay in the other person automatically understand right? Although you know, when they tell us I know that they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart. Yeah, and that they love us and they worry about us.

41:01 But

41:03 We have to find out where this journey is going to take us on our own and

41:12 Nobody can help you with that. No.

41:28 And I was Steve. Oh, yeah.

41:33 Hosteeva, Tom and he had to dial. Do you know where X 6263 and Tall handsome and dark funny loving yet. I mean he embraced me. He didn't know me from Adam now, he loves you. Yeah. Yeah. He's a good man. I actually married a single father and

41:55 When

41:57 I met him it was so odd because he was leaning up against the side of a building company that I ended up working in foreign and he they were outside in the middle of cold. I think February immediately know if there's a group out there visiting and and I went home and we got to be friends first and then

42:20 Benchley where we got together, but with Steve you were it was knowing that it wasn't it was a package deal. We very seldom got to do things on our we wanted to do when we went to dance class to cuz we got a babysitter but usually was Walt Disney movies and fishing and hiking and you know things with his boys and and I was very blessed because I there's a reason they call me Mom the boys do end.

42:51 I've been very blessed because I do have them in my life. But he was just a good man. He was a good single parent. He was a good father. He was a good husband. He was a good provider and he just work too much. Yeah, but he was good caregiver for me. He was he was just an all-around good man. And you know what that we were both very blast and we both also very robbed. Yes, you know, we were robbed and maybe that's been the plan maybe the plan is that both of us were robbed but God put us both together because we were being robbed of our are good men men that we would have loved to been able to spend more time with you cuz it's not fair, but at the same time I'm so grateful for the time. I had I don't dwell on what I don't have and what was taken away.

43:40 I'm dwell more on being thankful for what I did have the years I had but he was a very good man and he play guitar.

43:53 One minute and if you say what you like most about each other love most about each other in it.

44:01 Gosh, what are they most likely there's just no question. I just love this woman. She's just she's beautiful internally externally. She's

44:12 It's either you talk about soulmates and usually think it's always like that somebody you're going to spend your life with so many different manners and we just connect and you know, it's just it's a fit and we respect I respect you greatly and I appreciate you more. Are you gave me an awful big gift while you're like a sister to me and that's really special cuz I mean, I have a sister and she's my best friend. Yeah, and but it's yet difference different but you are another best friend. I mean you're we can talk your you're just tired. I don't know how to describe what you just very special loving person. I love your family. I love you Mom. I love you. Dad. I love you kids. I love Steve. It was all a package deal.

45:05 Kylie want to married Stevie and it's just been real special the whole relationship and it's growing and

45:16 I'm anxious to see where it goes.

45:20 Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you, too.