Miriam Myers and Rose Medellin

00:06 My name is Miriam Myers. I am 17 years old today is August 27th, 2014. We are at Bryn Mawr College and my first move in day college and the relationship to my partner is my mother. My name is I am 42 today is August the 27th. We are at Bryn Mawr College and Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, and I am maryam's mother.

00:38 So I guess I'll start with an easy one.

00:46 What do you want to remember most about today and the moving in process?

00:54 Well, we didn't really move you in because you are already moved in.

01:00 That was kind of hard to like see the dorm room together for the first time. But when your roommate came that was new because you had met her and we met her together.

01:14 And seeing her and having conjured up all these ideas of our nightmares of what a roommate would be or what I didn't want a roommate to be for you.

01:27 Was was a little a little nicer reassuring to see her.

01:34 And just so you interact with her and then as all the other people came in and you introduced us that was new for us to cuz we had met them. So it's not really moving in a meeting your new community.

01:50 And

01:53 How you work and how well you work in this last time less than a week and building at community of the people who started early.

02:02 You mentioned that you wanted to tell my roommate's mother something or talk to my roommate's family.

02:11 Without me around or something like that because you said you don't want me to be creepy. So what did you want to say? I thought I was really sad. Her roommate is your roommate is is an only child and it made me broke my heart to hear the mama say that Alex the roommate said that she wasn't the Mother wasn't allowed to cry.

02:37 I mean cuz she couldn't handle seeing her mother cry and I understand that. I mean I wouldn't want to see that either cuz it makes it harder but part of me felt like

02:47 And I wanted to reassure the mother something that came to mind as I was driving over here this morning and

02:57 This is where I knew you'd say he'll put together mom because I wanted to look at the mother's eyes knowing that I felt reassured by to have you met Alex. I wanted the mother to feel reassured in her own time and not cry when she was away. But in a setting where the daughter had nothing to do with it, but I wanted to say

03:17 But I think that your roommate got the best person in the whole world, and I don't think that

03:29 I think that.

03:31 I wanted to tell her Miriam is has got the biggest heart.

03:36 And it's the kindest soul.

03:39 And that she didn't have to have a worry in the world that she was moving in with some girl. They would mistreat her daughter, but instead would.

03:49 Be kind to her daughter.

03:53 Take care of her daughter, and she couldn't have asked for a better roommate.

04:01 Because I see how you are with your brothers.

04:05 I see how you are when kiwis mom died when Rebecca's dad died. Just two weeks ago.

04:15 When

04:19 The support you gave your friends when you got a big part in the play and

04:25 You didn't care what part you got, but that you cared how well they played their part and you were so happy for them.

04:41 So I wanted to tell the mother that so she could leave knowing that you weren't going to do these creepy things that I had thoughts that one evil girl would do to another like sabotaging or revealing information are hiding cameras are all these things that I felt somebody who didn't have a good heart.

05:03 What do but I knew that you coming to Bryn Mawr would be you know, I didn't think that they would choose those kinds of girls that they would choose girls who had integrity and

05:16 Would be equally nice to you and treat you just like

05:20 You would treat them. So I like that you're with your people cuz I'm noticing that you're with your people in seeing you talking to the girls before your Dean. Spoke reminded me of when we went to Toys R Us and you are a little and you saw that gorilla baby doll. And you said my heart hurts for her so bad and she was so ugly and then you ask to wait for your birthday and you got it and then you never play with the darn doll.

05:50 But I saw you on stage. I saw you on stage and I saw you.

05:55 I saw you smiling. I saw you happy and I saw your dimple surgery and then I saw you laughing and then I said to myself my heart is happy and

06:07 I told you this before that if I cry on the day that you leave I'm crying because you're happy not because I'm happy not because I'm sad me I'm going to miss you, but we'll have to move on but

06:19 Seeing you on stage just chatting with those three girls made my heart very happy.

06:27 And what are you most excited for me about?

06:40 Well, I feel like you know, you said a Gia.

06:44 Shout out to you and your friend has such a sheltered life and you know often times you could get upset because neither her mother nor I would let you guys do certain things and you only would tell me if she is mother would tell me, you know, I really don't I feel like I did a disservice by Sheltering her so much and not letting her explore and learn and in fall down and pick yourself back up. So it's going to come back and bite me that I did wrong by not letting her do these things. I felt were too scary.

07:18 But

07:20 In as a part of that. Of course, I'm not as Extreme as she is and I have let you do things that my mother would never ever have. Let me done and one was go to Nicaragua for three weeks without any family.

07:36 And go to France without any any friends and just be I mean cross an ocean and be gone on your own.

07:46 And in doing those I think I did those to prepare myself for you coming here weaning myself from you and then and kind of hoping you would fall that you learn how to pick yourself back up. So, you know, I'm I'm nervous that and also look forward to and hope that these are things that I don't that you fall, but I hope that you and those opportunities that you had and me letting you go that you'll learn how to make a mistake.

08:14 I mean a foolish mistake not a not a foolish mistake, but you know.

08:21 I expect that you might have some poor judgment. I really hope that you use good judgment, but should you have poor judgment? Are you find yourself in a bind that you will

08:30 Know how to get yourself out of it and if you don't

08:35 I hope that you will have in a very quick time mean very short time build a community and a network of people who will support you if you are brokenhearted if you're lonely.

08:54 If you're sad and disappointed

09:00 Do you have you have people who can be there for you and that you know how to take care of yourself and all Realms like if you're stranded, do you know what to do? I don't think that I really taught you that cuz I didn't teach how to drive but that you know what to do and you don't make foolish mistakes and you have some forethought before you do something and that you just have some support and if you don't, you know, I've told you this before

09:32 And I know is true for me even though my mom and I didn't speak before she died, but

09:42 Your your mother, I can't before your father, but it's probably true.

09:48 As much as we've gotten into it on stupid.

09:52 Trivial things

09:56 Your mother will love you regardless mean you can be mean to me and you never have that you could and you can make a mistake. And of course I'll school to you, but it doesn't mean that I don't love you. So.

10:12 I just hope that you know that and I told you that before you left.

10:18 This may be a harder question things, or maybe I should give you a chance to answer.

10:25 What are you most excited about and what are you least excited about?

10:33 Well, I'm most excited about learning whether that's like meeting new people, I think.

10:42 I think I will tour been looking forward to going to college for as long as I can remember now because I wanted to get out of the house, but it just seemed like this.

10:53 This place where you know you you just seem like it's the world where I was like longing to be in for a long time so high school, I'd work really hard and like all that hard work has paid off and I need to I'm like, you know, this is like the four years of my life where I can just like you said be selfish and and growing to myself and sort of learn about me and Mike who I am and I'm very lucky to have that but but just focus on what I want and that's like a very

11:31 Add moment that I've been really looking forward to where I'm done with high school. I'm done with with a time. Of course. I'm going to miss home. But this is like the 4-year where I find out who I am and who I will be in.

11:58 So what for what I least I'm looking forward to.

12:07 I'm going to miss her.

12:12 But I'm excited to find a new home.

12:17 And I think I've already felt that over the past week.

12:22 Cuz I think I've already made a lot of friends. I wasn't that homesick because I wasn't really thinking about home a lot.

12:32 So I am excited to make more friends and really explore sort of the world. We live in and learn new things and things with the word most excited.

12:49 Well, you say You're going to miss home. And for some reason I told you this before I cannot comprehend that because when I was 17, I was so ready to leave and I wanted to go so far away and I don't even think when I left. I think I cried I didn't cry until the first snow but and that was like four months into it after the holidays, but I tell your daddy I was like, you know, it just puzzles me.

13:14 And then I should be proud of that. I mean, I just feel like I'm judging and in my insecurities, I think I did it. I sucked it as Mom and I just was always so stressed out. Sorry so spread too thin too tired too busy to upset and I feel like why would anybody miss this and I don't want to say that I don't like poo poo why you would miss home? I know there's certain things about him that you like, but I feel like I should give myself credit where there's some credit. I I I obviously did one thing well and that made you feel like we were a place where we were you could come home and and relax and be yourself and be loved and you know, I think Daddy said something at meeting when he stood up before you left and that last time you went to meeting

14:04 And he said this is this is the last time all six of us will be together and that made him said to just thinking that you know, and I know this is how we've raised everybody and it may be in a fine. I guess. I it doesn't seem strange to me. But I think that this is not the normal lifestyle of today, but that everything we do we do together. And if you had an option of going out and hanging out with your friends, even those most the time I wouldn't let you go. You would always choose to stay home and hang out with us and I was like 15, so I I can't imagine you were totally different from who I was when I was your age totally and there are a lot of stories I haven't told you cuz I didn't want you to know but I never wanted to stay home and I was never a homebody and I was always eager to leave does your purse get sad when you left?

15:02 I think they were sad.

15:06 Maybe but I was the last child even though my other siblings haven't really left. I was the last person that they were done. So I think there was some kind of joy in that there work being done. But I was the first one to go to college and I was the first one to go way physically out of there any other state just but I don't think they were really super sad. I think there was more joy in not having the responsibility of a child because they already had the burdens of my siblings children send lives in

15:36 And still to this day.

15:42 So now I ask you a question. You can ask. So what did you imagine to do when I was little G. Imagine like me like I guess it's hard to question that I feel like is this the week that you've been with me is it like what you've imagined me, you know in college like the setting is just like what you imagined is that I mean if life is never what you imagined, but I'm just wondering if I had this vision of you.

16:10 Kind of not not the setting out. The guy had the sight picture of what where you would be not where but I and my mind had a picture of who you would be and you will know that that I buy the choices that I've made that I wanted you to be a strong.

16:31 Smart

16:33 Independent

16:37 Friendly polite

16:44 Caring

16:48 Person, but mostly strong and and

16:54 And I and I feel like being here and seeing you and seeing how.

17:02 Even if you are feeling a little nerves for us leaving or

17:09 This new start that

17:13 You you're not you're not coming off that way you're coming off as strong and smart and friendly and caring and organized and together and I think you know the whole thing is like giving you that Barbie with the flat feet and no boobs with a sports bra pregnant on her or like not ever letting you have a Blonde Barbie doll. And every toilet every doll was brown and you do not let me look at trash magazines and worry about your body and whenever people would look at you and you were baby. I would ask them not to say that you were pretty baby, but you are such a smart girl because girls were smart before they were pretty

17:53 And even though you are the prettiest baby in the whole world.

17:58 And so

18:00 In that regard. Yes.

18:03 It is what I imagined, but it's not but the location, you know, I didn't think you'd come to Pennsylvania. You didn't think.

18:13 When you clean your visiting colleges, yes, I knew you would choose for tomorrow because you've always wanted a close girl friend and you always wanted to have like sisters and you've never had sisters and

18:27 And you've never had girlfriends who were wary as good to you as you wear them and including you and you've always longed for a really good friend like through thick and thin and you've wanted that for so long. I knew that you would choose Bryn Mawr because of that.

18:47 But that was later that I didn't anticipate you would do this.

18:57 And I wanted to go back and say something about cuz you missing home I cuz I should have asked what exactly you're going to miss about home.

19:06 Friend

19:08 I've asked you this before and you said you said I thought you were joking. You said Muni which is l-29 and that is just in the way there because it's fighting with people to get on the bus and first seat and the water the hetch hetchy water which tasted good, but she said you said me and you said the Excelsior and the Excelsior? Okay, we live there. I love it. It's our community. But don't mean we are staying at that restaurant and doors up and I said, this is the first time we've sat a restaurant the door is open and you don't smell human feces or urine and there's no homeless Dodge dog poop. So when you say home, I know you don't mean the Excelsior, but you did say that you were going to miss the Excelsior.

19:52 I think part of it is not really home. I think it's like a routine like

19:58 Like I know I've moved around a lot, but it's a place. I'll always remember growing up and

20:05 The part of it's like going to Lowell High School going to I don't know it just sort of the the excitement that came around like starting school again, like just sort of the routine of like going on the bus like are going there violin lessons like, you know being around that everyday and then it's homan's think one of those things where you wake don't really eat you take stuff for granted for granted and you don't realize how much this meant until they're gone, but I think

20:42 Doing try call Trico the program I just finished has really opened my eyes and that yeah, I've grown up in a certain place, but everyone here has grown up in a certain place and that's the place if they'll call home and don't mess but but now we sort of like we're all in the same boat together. So it makes me feel a lot more comfortable with the fact that you know, I won't miss San Francisco, but I'll know it's always going to be there when I get back. So yeah, and I told you this before and it used to frustrate me, but I did learn whenever I got home sick and I missed home like when it was winter in Iowa and I was not used to snow and cold and not seeing people and I didn't have any friends my first year of college. I feel like

21:26 It was frustrate the hell out of me when we would.

21:32 I would go home and in as much as I missed it, everything was exactly the same like everything all the things that you like. That's great. You know all the Comforts of home were there but like the things that really upset you or the way that people behaved.

21:48 Unfortunately, some things don't ever change so it would upset me when I would go away and then come back and I'd say it's exactly the same. So I feel like if you and might be different for you cuz you're the oldest of your brothers and sisters have your brothers and you'll come back feeling like you've missed out on their growing up and that will have changed my thinking they're growing up our our house might change. So it's not going to be a lot of the same as for you for me.

22:16 It was kind of the same things just kind of didn't change at all like the house or the Dynamics between the siblings, but with you they're going to grow up and they're going to you're going to miss milestones and I joke that you're the other mother, but you know, when when we were the night before you left, I was really upset because I saw you when you went to Nicaragua and you were so sad leaving the boys behind and I felt like you were holding them.

22:43 Like they were your own children and maybe you didn't think that it just came off that way when you were hugging them because it was our first time you're going to be gone for from them for so long. And so

22:59 And I think you will probably feel sad about you know, missing Santiago's first girlfriend or missing Santiago's first excitement test. Should he ever get into The Nutcracker a successful audition or missing some great sports event that you know a grand slam or something for motorized where Santiago

23:23 And I know you're going to miss that Levi a lot because

23:27 Cuz he's your baby butt.

23:30 I know you going to miss all of them a lot.

23:34 And when I held you I remembered seeing you before you left for that trip to the naked eye one eye.

23:43 I want to reassure you that I would take care of your brothers and that you didn't have to worry about them.

23:52 But I would work my hardest to do everything that I did for you to make you.

23:59 Have these successes are these Joys are these achievements?

24:05 You know by registering you early for whatever class and in a waking up at 6 a.m. And sign you up for the lottery of hundreds of parents trying to get a spot and you know, we'll will do the same for your brother. So they have just as many opportunities as you had and that I would take care of them and you didn't have to worry and when you saw them on the computer the other day.

24:27 I lost my train of thought.

24:31 You were so you escaped and they were crying or Sunday. I was crying, but I can't read what I was going to tell you.

24:40 I'm sorry can go on it was something that San Diego said to you but I can't read what he said to you. But I mean I don't like leaving from cuz I'm coming back for Christmas and like probably like the Summers. I don't know what the exactly my summer to look like, but it's not like I'm like off and leaving and never coming back.

25:01 Yeah, I know but you know the other thing I guess I've had these realization so you left what is it 5 days or something before we got here. So you've been here already settled when we arrived and in so in those five days, it was my turn to support your brothers in their grieving and for you having left but your daddy and I were kind of Hope holding it together knowing that we were going to see you again. So there was some like we get to say our goodbyes different me know next week. We see you next week, so it'll be fine. So we were stronger but there were moments that I had these thoughts about.

25:37 You and what did you just finished saying about your I'm coming back? Yeah, and so I've been thinking it's it's so odd that I feel like your whole of your childhood and in Susie's to say this and other people used to say that I always talk to you like an adult and I always expected you to be older than you were and smarter than you are and just like cuz I had these high hopes for you that you would be this independent child. This is even before your brothers were born but that I would treat you and talk to you like an adult and so and seeing you here. I'm feeling not this morning of of

26:18 Like she's gone. I have more excitement because I feel like this is this is what I wanted for you. I wanted you to grow up and I hope that you were able to enjoy your childhood and that you were but you still act like a kid, but that you were that you were able to be a kid, but I thought there was this difference and I felt like I had a lot of a lot of Hope for my only girl and a lot of Hope for you to be a brown girl.

26:46 And be seen as

26:50 A smart brown girl

26:53 And

26:59 I worked really hard for that cuz

27:03 I mean, I was it I worked hard to make might make it possible for myself to to get where I got our TV just make it through college and then just move out and be on my own.

27:16 But for some reason I don't know why maybe I feel I still don't feel like I know how to parent boys but I don't have that same drive to do what I did for you not the drive. I just don't have that. Like I'm not forcing them to grow up. I feel like I'm keeping them kids and in letting them be kids longer and I and I parented you differently.

27:42 I'm just noticing that in this short time that you've been gone.

27:47 I noticed that too and that like you never spoke to them in Spanish when they were little like you I don't know you just like I don't know different things. We're like

28:01 Yeah. We just don't know how different childhoods. We we lived in different places so us and influence, but

28:12 Tiffany last question to ask

28:19 Would you like to say to me at this moment at the big one?

28:24 I want to say that.

28:28 Well, so I've had like a week practice of college and like I was really happy here. So it made me really sad to go on Skype and see.

28:45 And see that something was really upset, and it was really sad, and that makes me really like the tracks for my experience. So just want to say that just like the dean was just like I know, you know, she's happy she's happy. Like I really am happy and I might call and be sad. I'm at Bi-Lo points, but I am like really happy here. So just like if you were all so happy that like would make me happier.

29:14 I don't know exactly what I'm saying. I think I told you that I saw you on the stage and I just send you know, every time I saw you performing on stage when you had your your place and every time you you did your kick your break dancing in 5th grade or you did anything that was just a show I was crying and you'd say why you crying cuz I'm happy and you know why I wear my emotions on my sleeve and and

29:37 And they just run like

29:40 Lose all the time. So if I do cry when when before we leave today, and I told you this I am crying cuz I'm happy for you and I'm even happier knowing that I can see that you are happy.

29:55 Can I ask you a question? Yeah, so like a lot of times this week. I have dyslexia real moment were I'm like I just I can't get over like that. Like wow, this is college. I don't know what I got to have to process like I guess it comes with any big change. You just have to like a check yourself be like am I really here? Like am I going to wake up and see how much rain am I don't know it just not this is like a dream come true, but that that's like it just feels like everything's happening around me and I'm just like a walking body and I just I'm like, okay just do whatever needs doing and giving advice on how to live in the moment and like really just get over that like initial like shock to your system just elated and I was just on cloud nine. I was just

30:48 Funny cuz my parents had know where I was every five seconds of the day and they wouldn't let me go anywhere. And remember when they left I was like, I don't have to tell anyone where I'm at. So I walked out the door and I went around I hid in the woods and it's like they don't know and they never know. It was just silly stuff and I remember feeling that way like I could stay up and I could like leave and I could come here and I can walk in the street and maybe sneak a drink and it was I was just so beside myself about being able to do things and never answering the phone or never had calling home. Not that I'm encouraging that but

31:21 I guess reality sunk when the weather started to change and you realize I'm not home. This is not the weather. I see at my house and then the test started to come and so you're here trying to prepare. So your mind is preoccupied then leave this mental shift of worrying about your Joys and experience in college life to the reality of college life that you're there to learn and you were supposed to be studying and I feel like I didn't do that because I was just so absorbed with the fact that I was free. So I want you to know wake up like some wake up you are at college and you know, maybe you can you had these thank God you had sex 5 days, but I think it's been a blessing that you had those extra 5 days and now you have this week, but when you start school on Tuesday,

32:18 He know that that you're at school and you're ready to get to work and that you show up and you do that, you know develop a routine right away, you know, I'm going to go to class to go swimming and go eat going to have some downtime but not too much down time because I have to study even though I don't take that class today and then you get into that routine just like you did when you were practicing when you are at Lowell and when you know had your your theater practice which is why I think theaters a really good thing because it just consumes your time. You know, you have to learn your lines and at every turn your you were reciting your lines.

32:56 Play wake up. Wake up right away. Wake up.

33:08 Yeah, you know, I just want to say the two things that I said, we're going to miss the life us things are going to miss about you in the house and not to make you sad but

33:17 Yeah, the other day I told you that we are lying in the bed Nelson.

33:23 Take me to miss.

33:27 Be 11:30 at night and all I hear is humming in the shower in your room downstairs with those heavy feat. I'm going to miss the humming and I'll just have to hum and pretend it to you and at that moment you will be coming over here sentence for humming until you're around. That's weird. I don't even know why you're humming. And then what I'm going to miss is the lines the practicing the lines you talking to your in your room and it was reading history books out loud or it was practicing Macbeth or Motrin or mock trial and and hearing you and your room just constantly talking like you're talking to no one but just talking I'm going to miss you practicing and I'm going to miss you at the dinner table and that's where

34:14 I think everybody feels your absence. You wean to slowly this past year because you were so busy with other things at school. But seeing the empty chair not getting a full full on detailed report about your every second of every day of every minute of your course schedule. I mean, it was just

34:32 And everybody wanted to know and everybody was quiet and

34:36 Somebody else is going to have to take the lead and give us the lowdown on their day cuz you're not.

34:43 All right. Thank you.

34:47 But

34:48 I know there was there was something else I was going to say about your

34:55 Sorry, marry me when you're ready to cut it out just your play and and I also told your brothers.

35:03 And and I've laid down some some Skype guidelines just to let you know that there is to be no crying when they see you and somewhere something. That's why he didn't cry and I said, they're not going to be any fighting that and there's not going to be any distractions while we're talking to you and I explained to Santiago that you're going to call us and you're going to be sad and

35:29 You're going to need us to be your cheerleader and we're going to be sad, but we can't let aunt but we have each other. So and you don't have us with you. So I said if he's going to be Saturday and have to be sad when he doesn't see you because it makes you even more sad and yeah, that's why he wasn't kind of in the screen cuz I think if he felt like he saw your face and you saw his face that he would start to cry. So you'll know that.

35:57 He will do his best to not break down.

36:01 When he when he calls you and I think I've done a pretty good job.

36:08 And I'm going to lose it then. I'll tell you got to go and I'll talk to you on the phone or I'll call you another time.

36:15 So and he says over and over again, I was missing Marion, but when I saw her on her dorm bed, and I saw how happy she was it makes me happy and not miss her so much.

36:27 Thank you.

36:29 I love you big girl.