Bernie Creaven and Heather Kovar

Recorded August 12, 2014 Archived August 12, 2014 02:27:59
0:00 / 0:00
Id: dde001087

Description

Heather Kovar (18) interviews her mom Bernie Creaven (55) about her work as a nurse. Bernie works with homeless families in Seattle, WA.

Subject Log / Time Code

B remembers her mother cooking meals for travelers when B was a child. H: What does "home" mean to you?
H: Can you describe your first time meeting someone who was experiencing homelessness. B remembers homeless travelers in Ireland and working for a refugee camp in Sudan.
B remembers the first homeless family she worked with in Seattle, WA 13 years ago.
H: What led you to work with the homeless population? B on the importance of "compassion and non-judgment."
B on a family who impacted her and the struggles the family faced. B referred them to the local community clinic. On how they're doing now.
B on what has surprised her about the families she's met and their resilience.
H: What do you want other people to realize about family homelessness?

Participants

  • Bernie Creaven
  • Heather Kovar

Recording Locations

YWCA Opportunity Place

Venue / Recording Kit

Partnership Type

Fee for Service

Transcript

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00:04 Hi, my name is Heather. Kovar. I'm 18 years old. Today's date is August, 12th, 2014. My current location is Seattle, Washington, and I'm sitting here interviewing my mom.

00:20 Hi, my name is Brittany Craven. I'm 55 years old. Today's date is August. 12th. 2014. I'm in Seattle, Washington, and I'm being interviewed by my daughter. Heather. Kovar.

00:35 So Mom, where were you? Born? And where did you grow up?

00:40 So, Heather, I was born in Dublin, Ireland. And I grew up on the south side of Dublin.

00:47 Great. And what were your memories of your home as a child?

00:52 So we grew up in a very, simple, three bedroom house and like a lot of other families in Dublin. And it seems like the memories I have that. Are we Vivid our memories around food? We're always seems like we're always eating or preparing food and people are coming and going into our home. And the other thing that other memories I have is that because we were the first generation off the farm and move to the city. A lot of our cousins would come stay or and since I had one room, I serve my sister and often and Aunt would stay, or cousin would stay. And so the hustle and bustle. And I remember not not having a privacy, We're Goin Up cuz it's so many of us and it was people coming and going

01:48 And the other thing is that the only memory I have is that my mother was quite religious. And so she used to make a say, the Rosary every evening and we were out playing on the streets. Any kid that played with you knew that Mac Ravenwood, call not just us in but everybody else had to say the rosary. So that was kind of an odd thing about. And then, the other thing I remember, was that my mother used to. She would open her house as usual, a certain Wednesday. Don't remember what Wednesday was? And the traveler people would come and she would give them lunch. And so they she set up a table for three or four usually men. And they were poor traveling, the right entrance and we were a little bratty kids and we would we hate it when they came to our house.

02:48 And we hold our noses in one pass them. The mom. Why do they have to be here? But it was our little secret. We never told her dad because he would have security problems around it. So that was it was odd little house with a lot of activity, but there was a whole bunch of love in our house. You felt loved in that place of belonging.

03:10 What does home mean to you?

03:13 So, interesting question, I kind of think it's a little bit multi-dimensional because obviously, I still feel like I have a home in Ireland and when I go back there, even though I don't really have my own physical home when I stay with my uncle and my brother is your uncle's, it just feels like home. And then of course, we have our home here in Seattle and I think for me, it's a feeling that you have inside this like this place that just feels like

03:46 Comfy, it's safe. Also, I think for us to we've created home where the doors are wide open and people are welcome, and there's always people coming and going. So, I also realize how lucky we are that we have a home because of the kind of work I do and that how fortunate I feel that I can open my refrigerator and there's food there and step under a hot shower, and dry myself with a warm towel. And I would say that I might have a feeling of gratitude about one part of that every day, because of what I'm reminded is because of the work I do, I'm reminded help a how lucky we are to have a home.

04:40 Course, can you describe the first time you met someone experiencing homelessness?

04:48 So, besides, I remember growing up in Ireland and we would travel down to my uncle's farms at Farm in the country and we would travel and Drive by The Travelers. And these were folks, who would live in, Caravans of the side of the road and move around and get our jobs. I always always really curious about them. And then when I became a student nurse, I worked with some Travellers and so they had a caravan that they lived in, but really virtually there were homeless. And I remember that was my first interaction, remember thinking how difficult that would be, especially in Winters in Ireland. And then in 1985, I worked for International Rescue Committee in Sudan and work in the refugee camp. And this was a refugee camp or 13,000. People came from their Eritrean sand to Green young people.

05:48 Who walked across into Sudan, some of them? I took 50 days to get there. And so you had thirteen thousand, families were homeless, and my job was to do Public Health nursing, and that was my first International experience working with homeless families. And then I did some work after that. I'm in other countries, doing International Healthcare, but then when I started working here in Seattle, I will never forget the first family that I worked with. And I remember walking into the unit at the shelter. I know his mom with six kids and she has a lot of mental health issues and substance abuse issues and I remember feeling overwhelmed when I met this family because it was six kids and they all they all seem to have diapers on but of course it didn't. But they were very young and it was chaotic and it was

06:48 Cereal on the floor and milk spilled on the table and I'm yet. And I remember thinking my goodness. Where do we start? I remember just sitting, sitting down, and ask your mom. How you doing? Miss you a lot going on here. And I'm also, I remember the one thing, I remember how much you loved her kids and she's cheated, beautiful singing voice, and she used to sing to her kids. And so, I got to know her overtime. And, and that was the first family that I met. I can still see your face this woman and needs those kids, and that was thirteen years ago. So, these kids are a little older now and hopefully doing okay.

07:34 Did your opinions about family homelessness change? Once you knew people going through that experience?

07:49 So I think that, yeah, my my

07:55 My opinion is to change, and I think that it's very paternalistic to think about families who are homeless and say, oh, you know, you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or you can kick your habit, so you can leave your abuser and it's all very nice sounding. But, you know what? It's a neat package. It's not. It's the families are people. Experiencing homelessness are far more complex than that. And so,

08:32 I think I mean generally people don't wake up and say, you know, it's on my bucket list to be homeless or a little girl when they will kid is asked what do you want to be when you grow up there? Not saying I want to be a homeless mom in a shelter with a bunch of kids and so it's totally as change my working with homeless families. I realize that

09:00 They homeless families, and many of the folks. I meet at meet there, just like me. And like, all of us here in this room. They want to have stable housing. They want to have meaning in their lives. They love their kids. They want to be in healthy relationships. They want to have a little money in their pockets, to go to wherever, go for a cup of coffee, or go for a little trip. And so they're no different than URI, and it's just that they have more obstacles and more barriers to do with. And so, I teach a class at the ywca's young parents class and it's all the focus is on looking at some of the obstacles that are getting in the way of success. And then setting up some goals and terms of overcoming those and accountability structures is the coaching model.

09:58 And I'm so impressed with how so many of these moms are so resilient and strong and knowledgeable and verbal and often times. During this last, I set up the parameters and the goals and objectives and hand it over to the moms and they help each other and they give each other. By since it gets into each other's faces about Hey sister, you need to be thinking about this or this, or this. And so, I'm so impressed about that. And so that wasn't my impression when I started working with homeless people and I don't think it is, but, you know, the general Public's impression, so I think that is changed a lot.

10:44 Yeah, and I've been with you before when you tell people what you do and so many of them are so inspired and so astonished almost. So what led you to work with families, who are homeless.

10:58 So I think that I've always been interested in the underserved populations, think it's just who I am as a person and so my mom was a nurse and mcraven they called her as the nurse and she worked in a very nice private Psychiatric Hospital in Ireland. And so I when I decide to become a nurse, I had an opportunity to train there or to train on the other side of town and this was like Charles Dickens are at the old saying wasn't very nice. It was is a wall around and thank goodness. It doesn't exist like that anymore. And people we walked around with big old keys and people are all locked up. Kind of a difficult place, but I remember thinking that's where I want to work cuz I want to help improve that system. I want to be part of a system that

11:58 Needs help and and hopefully be helpful in that situation. So I think I've always kind of being drawn towards the underserved and then I think it's a great challenge to apply my nursing skills and a resource poor environment and using not just my nursing skills, but my intuition and Common Sense and bringing compassion and non-judgment to my encounters of my meetings with families. And the other thing is that years ago. I went to a u w about my graduate degree in nursing and I was doing the paper with another student and my job was to go in and feed some homeless folks downtown. So I hopped on my bike and lock my bike up, a whole bunch of homeless folks and I came back to my colleague with a big smile on my face.

12:58 Because she's kind of nervous and she was a fabulous writer. So we both would doing working towards our skill sets. And and I said, I figured it out. I know what I want to do. I want this. This is the kind of work. I want to do when I finish a graduate school. And she said, okay.

13:15 So I let's basically what, what happens.

13:23 Is this changed once you knew people going through that experience?

13:30 I should be kind of touched on that. So, better question. Is there a specific family that stays in your memory?

13:39 Yeah, I was thinking about that before we came here, Heather, and I think one family, the sticks in my mind is this wonderful mom who came to the shelter with her husband and six kids. And she had mental health issues. She was really stressed to her. She was so stressed. Her hair was falling out. She had diabetes bipolar disease and they had marital issues and her husband was a great guy, kind of looks a little nerdy little glasses and cute little fellow and he had high blood pressure. He was his diabetes was not control. So his blood sugars were way high. I need ulcers on his feet and he worked for one of these large stores in the city. I won't mention the name that under pays people and he couldn't get time off to

14:39 I have any health check-ups and he also did not have health insurance and then their children. They had six kids, and they had all the kids that are not, which is kind of common with homeless families. Two of them had eczema. One of them was quite obese and one love follow, fabulous kid. He kind of some anger management issues. In these kids have been homeless for quite a few years and they were Couchsurfing and so they've been through a lot and so I remember when I met him the first time and I remember feeling a little overwhelmed is like, okay, why do we start here? The mom is very strong and loved her kids, very motivated and having a healthier family. And so I referred the family to the local community clinic Carolyn downs. And remember,

15:39 Making a little call to the back line to the provider and saying you know what, when can you just extend extra warm hands to this mom? Because she's so stressed and she is really important. And over time. She got on medications, got some help. We had a multidisciplinary team that helped the chemical dependency counselor, and mental health, counselor and Dad. Got his blood sugars under control, and the kids were in therapy. And it's incredible to think that cuz this is a family, I love it. When they come back to the shelter day of pop into the reception of the go as nurse Bernie here and I go out and get the biggest fattest hug from Mom. And she always, she's very Savvy about technology. So, she'll have just taking photos of healthy food dishes that she's made and she say, see how skinny I am now. And look at this healthy dish. I took a photo cuz I knew I would see you. And then you

16:39 Be excited. And she reports about all the kids cuz I know all of the kids and their names and how they're doing in school. And they have a job today at both are working. Now, both parents. The kids are connected to the doing better in school. I mean, there's going to be some challenges, but the bottom line is, his family is really working hard on stabilizing. And the biggest thing for this family, was when they move from the shelter and they had stable. How is it that they knew they could afford the housing. The Run go to be evicted within a few months of getting settled and that the parents could promise your kids. You know what, we're okay, things are stable. Now, we're going to be able to celebrate your birthday. We're going to be able to celebrate Christmas, and it's a thrill when they come back and I don't see the kids as much, but I hear about them. And it was interesting that after you went to a local high school Garfield, High School and Warner

17:39 Kids, who was rather overweight went to that school and was really shy and what happens with families when they move around is that it's traumatizing and they've to make new friends, and there are sometimes embarrassed about being homeless, and they don't have the fancy backpacks of the iPhones at the other kids have. And, and then on top of this kid, the kid was depressed, overweight and wanted to do at a particular sport at Garfield, but the deadline was closed. As I remember calling the athletic director and sayings, please, please get this kid into your sports program. And the day she came home and she said, hey, I'm doing this for. I was so excited. She was so excited. And I could see this big smile on her face and she lost a little bit of weights and she'll continue to work on. You know, I know that will continue to be a problem for her, but she did, it definitely felt more comfortable.

18:39 She's part of the sports team. The school was willing to help even though she missed the deadline. So it's a success story because the biggest thing as I said is that this family got stable housing and that was so important.

19:05 Families. You've met who don't have a place of Their Own.

19:10 Okay, so I would say Heather, what is surprise me? There's different. I've always different surprises and every time I made a new family, I try and have an open heart and listen to play because I always learn something new. But I would say that one thing that really surprises me is the resiliency of families and despite fleeing domestic violence are having $1 in their pockets and having multiple appointments to go to, and they're trying to figure out how to do it while having sick kids, R kids with special needs.

19:50 I'm so many times impressed by how dignified our families are and how they present their best face and they come forward and they are striving for a better life. I mean, I think I only have two kids you and your brother and I have a refrigerator load of food at home and I can drive to give to my appointment. And I think about this dress has on a daily basis. How people have to get to all these appointments have, poor resources might have anxiety or depression and certainly if they didn't have anxiety, depression, Sammy's injuring. Homelessness often have situational anxiety depression, because it can be so difficult. And so I Marvel doctor. Marvel at Mom's who can whip out their immunization, sheets their cards for their kids and say here, these kids are up to date with immunizations. Are, can you help me get my kids up to date?

20:50 Immunisations or so. I'm always amazed at that and I'm also amazed and saddened by the stress and the devastation that zombies injury by being homeless. That I mean you can see families and meet moms and kids. And you can almost visualize cortisol stress hormones racing around their bodies because of stress and hard to concentrate and it's hard to be the best parent sometimes that you could be and that you are, and it's hard for kids to concentrate in school and it's hard for families to function at Optimum levels. So

21:38 I'm surprised at that. And but most of all, I'm really surprised at resiliency and how dignified many of our families are and

21:52 And also I'm always amazed that one given the opportunities. How families will most families with jump on board to take that Educational Opportunity or job training opportunity, or an opportunity to get their mental health sorted out. And so we try and make it easy for families to do that. And I think like everybody else, our families want to have a sense of purpose and move forward.

22:23 I know you were talking about how these families were really stressed and that's difficult to watch sometimes. But what would you say is the hardest part of working with homeless families. A good question Heather. And I would say

22:41 The hardest part is missed opportunities and because of a family being in the situation where they don't have stable housing and they don't have stability that there's missed opportunities for perhaps bonding and attachment for. You. Mom has a baby. There may be missed opportunities for that. Strong attachment is missed opportunities for a child to children to develop and the terms of their language skills and their Daredevil developmental skills. There's missed opportunities for moms to relax and enjoy their kids. There's missed opportunities for education, for kids to have been in, in homelessness, for quite a while that they often lag behind in terms of education and opportunities. I missed opportunities for

23:41 The parents to be as productive and to to optimize all of their innate talents and skills. And

23:53 I think it's a missed opportunity for society because we're have people who are struggling and we know and there's a lot of data about it. That giving people stable housing education for their kids at nurturing environment, safe environments, healthy, access to healthy food, help people, somebody's flourish. And so I think there's a lot of missed opportunities and I would say the hardest for my heart level. The hardest part of my work is looking is being a mom myself and watching small kids not getting what they need in terms of security safety, nurturing relationships.

24:46 Encouragemints, sitting with them to read at night time. I mean, I think about what it takes to raise a healthy kid and the effort, and energy, and time resources and the community involvement. And when I think about raising my kids, I think about not only what we did it home, but the bigger or larger community that good schools, the other families, the sports teams and all of that is this great big safety-net. It's like the village The Village net and when families are isolated don't have that and then homelessness and moving how devastating that is. So when I look at these small little kids and and and see, just this little look in their eyes that they're stressed, it breaks my heart, and that's the hardest part of my job.

25:43 So then what would you say is the most gratifying aspect of your involvement?

25:50 So,

25:52 I think the most gratifying job part of my job is that that change can happen and these I mean, if I thought that if a mom and a child, has a difficult start in life and that that bonding could never happen. I think I might not be able to do this job. And because I see a lot of moms and kids. So a lot of opportunity for growth where a mom will be able to either get Mental Health Services. Relax a little bit talk. We talk a lot about and do a lot of Education around parenting and that role of moms and kids talking to each other singing. Interacting, you know, promoting that healthy bond with a mom and a child. So I think that's gratifying to see that and I had a mom recently said, anytime I talk to my baby, my baby.

26:52 And that seems like a very obvious thing or a simple thing before this mom to get it. That her job was so important as a mom to interact with her baby and have the secure attachment with her baby that the baby was loving it and interacting with her and that I had a smile on my face for a week after that. And so I think that's gratifying and I think I'm also just to see to witness small changes. There was a one gentleman who was at the shelter who was very overweight and very high blood pressure. And over time. He lost a bunch of weight. He got off his blood pressure medication, and he started jogging from the shelter Everyday Will, that warms my heart. And some people, simple things like smoking, cessation of somebody's overtime, can deal with their smoking and have healthier habits fabulous.

27:52 So I think that it's really gratifying to see small changes and then to see the most gratifying thing is when his family's house and they secure housing and they come back and they talk about how their lives have changed. It is so gratifying. And I think the other thing is that is it's a huge privilege to serve homeless families and to listen to their stories and deeply listen to their stories. And it's gratifying to just sit and be as another human being witnessing, the trauma of somebody's life, and to be able to do that in a way that I'm not freaking out, or I'm not trying to fix. I'm sitting listening. And, and then after I hear the stories, okay, where do you want to go from here? Or what? What is the most important thing for you to work on now.

28:52 He told me this story and it feels like a great privilege to be trusted with that. And I see it as a kind of a sacred role to be honest about it. And it's really gratifying to be a nurse and have been a nurse for a lot of years, and to use my nursing skills. And also some other skills in terms of compassion and empathy. And using my intuition that I think have been honed in the 13 years that I've worked with homeless families, in Seattle.

29:28 Recently become a certified life coach. Do you bring a lot of that into your work? Yes, I do. Heather, and I think the wonderful thing about coaching is that it's the model is that you meet people where they're at. And also, what you do is that you're not trying to fix folks. So they're the expert in their lives on the expert in coaching or nursing, and we have a partnership together and then, they will basically let me know what the issues they want to work on. What are the issues they want to work on and then together as a partnership we help and develop some goals and accountability structures. And it's really interesting when you feel like you're sitting down with another human being, and they get a sense at all, my goodness. This person isn't trying to fix me.

30:23 People come back. They want to come back because they feel heard and they feel appreciated for their strengths. And I think that often times when we look at homeless families are homeless individuals. It's with the deficit model. We look at that folks like that, you know boy, you know judgment a lot of judgment. Where is I almost have the opposite view that how hard is it to be in a home, the situation enjoying homelessness and then be able to get up in the morning with your kids, get into school. Get to all the appointments me to, I know they said I've often see people, they might not have more than a dollar or $2 in your pocket and then have a lot of stress and uncertainty. So I think that's really gratifying and then a few years ago. I worked as a volunteer position with national health care for the homeless and I was on the steering committee and I was a chair of the Pediatric and family committee and

31:23 Worked alongside some of the smartest most passionate, Brilliant Minds and they were doing this work around the nation and we would look, we would address issues of policy, whether it's how the impact of kids in foster care or it could also be a best practices around asthma care or care of eczema or trench, but to some of these issues. And so that was pretty gratifying to have kind of two step back from where I am and have an Eagle View and work with these really passionate people on a national level, but I have to say that I need daily level. It's just really gratifying to just sit and help one person at a time everyday.

32:16 What do you want? Other people to know about family homelessness? That might not otherwise, that they might not otherwise realize.

32:24 So, that's a great question because I think when people think about homeless people, they think about single males and they don't realize that families are homeless, because they often are invisible insects, 36% of the homeless population of families. So, they're in our schools and our libraries. We work with people who are homeless and they're Everywhere by families, are this. 36%, It's a pretty huge number. So they're quite often quite invisible. And so, I think that's a really, it's an important piece to it. I also think that for folks, with may not know often times when I've I'm at a dinner party and talk about what I'm doing, and people say, I can bring you some socks or shampoos and I think that's really nice. But what homeless people need is affordable housing and all of us.

33:24 We working for that locally in her political lives. We can advocate for affordable housing for everybody. And when you think about it that and how is an individual cost, $12,000 a year to have somebody in the street. It cost $20,000. So just do the math here and I'm so besides it being the right thing to do. We need a fordable housing for folks and and all the wraparound services to those people are housed under successful. Once they are housed and I have this little story that I was doing a presentation over a country doctor clinic and those Japanese nurses who came and we had a translator and they wanted to know about what I do as a nurse cuz they were student nurses. And so is talking away and everything was going, fine. And then I noticed people shuffling around and scratch.

34:24 AirHeads. And finally, one Brave nurse, put her hand up and said to the translator and she was really animated. Excuse me. There must be something wrong with the translation America's richest country in the world. And you talked about families or homeless. They don't have home and she said, you must be making an error, this cannot be happening. And then I said, no, this is my job. This is what I do. This is what I do everyday and they were horrified and they said in their country, you might find some single people, which is really bad. Anybody should not have everybody should have a home, but they were horrified and couldn't believe it. And that just made me pause to stop. Because sometimes we're doing the work every day, you know, it's it's easy to lose sight of the big picture, but I was I was, I just thought it was. It's a great story to illustrate that.

35:22 Do you have any major like final takeaways that you wanted to talk about with working with homeless families?

35:30 So Heather, I would say that.

35:35 It's seems to me that it's not only the right thing to do to have fordable housing for families, it's cost-effective that it's the cost is 40% higher cost when people are in the system rather than in Rapid rehousing systems, are there in permanent housing?

35:55 It's the right thing to do because of the ramifications of having a Sister. S s. I t we're vulnerable kids or not.

36:04 Achieving, they're not. They're not living the optimal lives in terms of how productive they can be. And so it's just it's it's for me. It's like a not a bipartisan issue. Did not only the right thing to do, but also it makes economic sense and President Obama. And Paul Krugman just recently talked about the inequalities in our society and how important it is. It's one of the biggest issues that we have to deal with now and how important it is for us as a society to stand back. I'm really think about what we're doing and support our families were homeless. It just makes sense, Heather.

36:52 I completely agree with you that. Well. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, heather, for interviewing me today.