Faith Fabian interviews Alaysia Jackson

00:03 Hi, Alaysia Why don't you just give me a brief summary of hit the highlights of who is Alaysia

00:12 Okay. I would say that like, I'm somebody who's very like, creative, I guess. I like to do lots of like, art related things. I would say that I'm someone who's really like, introverted. I keep to myself lot and I probably spend a lot of time like inside or like with my few friends. And then, you know, I'm a cat lover. I love cats. I have a cat. She's my baby. And I'm somebody who likes to do a lot of like, hobbies. Like, I enjoy baking and stuff very much and I like fashion stuff and I like photography. So I would think that those are some of like the highlights about who I am. I'm also like biracial and I think really in touch with like, I like to be open minded and I like to learn new things about people. And I would probably say that like, I spend a lot of time like finding like thinking about ways that I can like, improve myself. I feel like I spend a lot of time reflecting on things like, a lot. And I would say that's like everything about me.

01:26 Great. Alaysia tell me about your upbringing. What values were you raised with and what really shaped your identity growing up?

01:35 I think my upbringing was kind of complicated. I mean, I moved around a lot when I was little, so we never really stayed anywhere for like more than a year probably until like around the time I got to like middle school. But even then it was kind of like moving to different parts of like, Georgia. So like, I wouldn't say I was in like the same place for very long. So there was like, not much stability. But my mom always tried her best to make sure that like, I had everything that I like, wanted or like, needed. And she was very, like, I would say, like, as far as values, she always made sure that I focused on getting my education. That was something that was very important to both of my parents, was that they wanted me to go to school and go to college and get good grades and be successful because I've experienced some struggles in my life with financial things and then so have my parents with their upbringing. So they wanted to make sure that I never had to struggle for anything. So they wanted me to make sure that like, I could go to school and get a good job and like, be successful and not have to like, worry about stuff. So I would say those are some of my values. Other than that, you know, my parents never really, like pushed anything on me too much because they wanted me to, like, have my own views and like, kind of learn from my own, like, life lessons and stuff. But other than that, I think that my upbringing was like, very. It was kind of all over the place. But I think that at the end of the day, I think they just wanted what was best for me. There were, like, hard parts, but I'm happy that I was able to overcome them. And I feel like they shaped me into the person I am. Because, like I mentioned like earlier, I think they taught me a lot about, like, what's really important in life and like, how things don't always go the way you want them to go, but that, like, you know, all you can do is like, be positive and try to, like, keep moving because, like, life is really hard and it only gets harder. So you have to, like, learn how to, like, keep going. Like, you can't afford to, like, give up. So I think that's something that shaped me as a person and made me who I am is just like, having to deal with a lot of hard things.

04:10 And you mentioned previously about being biracial. How do you think being in a multiracial family has influenced your sense of identity?

04:20 I think it influenced me a lot. It's kind of a complicated thing for me because, like, on the topic of the previous question about my upbringing, my parents are not married. Like, they were never married. So like, they. I've kind of go back and forth between different, like, households because they live separately and my dad lives in Alabama and my mom lives here in Georgia. But like, growing up in, like, a multi racial household, it was kind of hard. I mean, and I would say that because I think that I'm more myself when I'm at home with like, my mom and like, my stepdad and my sister than I am when I'm with my dad or when I'm visiting, like, my grandparents and stuff. Because a lot of the things that, like, I've experienced as somebody who's like, mixed, like, they wouldn't understand those things because they've never had to go through that kind of stuff. And then, like, I think that it was also hard, like, growing up in school and stuff because, like, I've always been somebody, like, since my parents wanted me to be, like, smart. Like, I've always been very well spoken and I've always been very quiet and like, reserved. So being around people who, even though we're all like, black, you know, I wasn't considered what people would, like, consider like a stereotypical black person to be like. So a lot of the time I would be kind of like left out of things or like people would kind of judge me based on that about like not like they would assume that I'm like whitewashed or that like I'm not really. That I don't know anything about like my culture and stuff because of the way that I present myself and the way I like talk. So I think that always kind of made me feel like confused growing up where it's like you don't feel like you belong anywhere because you feel like really different from white people, but you feel really different from black people so you don't know where you belong or like where you fit in. And it kind of made things hard for me for a while. But like I found, I feel like, I'm happy to say that like I found people that like understand me now and so like I feel accepted to some extent in my community. So I would say that like that was something that was big with being like mixed and stuff.

06:46 Yeah. And you mentioned moving around a lot and I know you've moved overseas at a young age. How did your global experience and just being on the go impact your identity and your worldview? And so what did it solidify in you?

07:04 I would say that like moving around a lot and then also like living overseas. Like I mentioned earlier, I think it made me a very open minded person because I was exposed to a lot of different types of people and a lot of different cultures and just like I heard a lot of different things about different people's lives and like what they go through and experience. So I always like sort of remember to like be open minded and be understanding to like new people and new experiences and like new cultures. Because like, just because it's different to me doesn't mean that it's something that's like weird or like I shouldn't like judge people based on that. So I always try to be very non judgmental when hearing about like other people's cultures. And I'm always open to like trying new things. That's something that I love doing is like trying new foods and like going to places and trying to like experience new stuff because the world is so big that you can't just keep your bubble like small about what you're used to. Like it's good to branch out and like explore things because there's like so much to be learned, you know, and so I feel like that's something it taught me. I'd also say though that like on a more like, on a less positive aspect, I think that not having, like, stability was, like, a big issue for me about just, like, kind of feeling like there's nothing, like, permanent. But I also think that that made it easier for me to adapt to, like, new environments or just, like, accept change easier. But it definitely was harder when I was, like, little because, you know, you make friends and then you move and you have to make new friends, and it's like, a constant thing. And just, like, not being able to, like, really sort of solidify anything kind of made it hard. So, like, that kind of contributed to, like, my, like, introverted personality because, like, at some point, I think I just, like, stopped talking to people because I kind of always felt like, you know, nothing is permanent and, like, I won't be here for long. So, like, I shouldn't, you know, go out of my way to, like, get really attached to people because, like, I might never see them again. So that was sort of, like, hard. But I feel like, for the most part, it, like, really helped me be understanding about, like, not judging others, because I think that's something that a lot of people do. They don't take the time to, like, understand other people or, like, relate to, like, their experience or anything. So I feel, like, glad that, like, I'm able to do that because I think everybody deserves to be heard or, like, I think it's good to, like, learn about other people's cultures because that's, like, something that's, like, hard to do. I know people get judged for being culturally different in America because, like, nobody else understands. So, like, I try to be understanding that.

09:59 Yeah. And what do you think are some of those judgments or misconceptions that when people see you, they might mistake and think as part of your identity?

10:10 Well, okay, actually, when I was growing up, and I would say, especially in middle school, because of the way I look and, like, since my hair is dark and I normally, like, wear it straight and stuff, a lot of people actually assumed that, like, I was Hispanic. And, like, I've had a couple people that I've been friends with be like, you know, I only, like, when I first started talking to you. Like, I only started talking to you because I thought that you were Hispanic, too. And, like, I wanted to make friends with you. And I was like, no, I'm actually my. I'm actually, like, black. Like, my mom's black and my dad's white and stuff. So a lot of people have thought that I was Mexican or that I was Puerto Rican or Dominican of some kind. But nobody ever really, like, assumes that, like, you know, I'm just black. And they're. I'm always like, you know, I'm not really that interesting. I think I'm. I'm just, like, normal and stuff. I don't have any, like, interesting thing about, like, my ethnicity. It's all just pretty, like, basic and stuff. I don't have any, like, cool, like, lineage type things going on. But I would also say that, like, based on the way I look, I think, like I mentioned before, like, people have definitely assumed that, like, I don't know anything about black culture or that, like, I don't care about those things. But that's actually something I'm really passionate about. I mean, 10 and, like, I spent a lot of time, especially when, like, Covid happened and stuff, to take time to do a lot of research on things. And when I was in, like, clubs in school, I made sure to, like, advocate for that kind of stuff because it means a lot to me because, you know, people don't realize how important those things are because there's a lot going on in America. So it's important that, like, everyone's voice is, like, heard. So I think people assume that about me a lot. They also sometimes think that, like, my mom isn't my mom and that, like, I'm her sister or that, like, we're not related because she's, like, darker than me. And same thing with my sister. Like, sometimes people think that, like, she's not my. Like, that we don't have the same parents or that, like, you know, I'm, like, adopted or something because it's like, you know, we look very different from each other based on, like, skin color stuff. But I would say other than that, I haven't had too many assumptions based on, like, race about the person I am. Besides just, like, people not thinking that I'm black or them just, like, not thinking that my family is my family.

12:40 Wow. Can you speak a little bit to that pride that you have in your black identity?

12:49 Yeah. I find myself, like, you know, very proud of who I am as a person. Like, I love my culture, and I love black people, and I love the things that, like, they offer to black culture. And I'm very big on a lot of those things. Like, I enjoy the food and the music and, like, the. All the other things that, like, you know, the general things I think most people enjoy. But I also understand, like, all the hardships that come with being a black person, like, not being treated fairly because of, like, how you look and Then having, like, assumptions made about you just because you're, like, African American and, like, feeling that sort of, like, judgment from other people because, like, they're assuming things about you because of that. And, like, I also understand about, like, you know, how hard it is and how scary it is sometimes, like, being like a black person because things happen to people that aren't always fair and, you know, they get accused of things or they get attacked or all these other things. And then on top of that, also being like, a woman and having to worry about that also just, like, makes it worse. So I understand both, like, the good parts and the bad parts of, like, my culture and the things that come with it. But I would say especially though, like, on a more positive note, I enjoy a lot of things about, like, black culture, like the food and the music and the media and the movies and tv. My grandma and my mom raised me, like, to make sure that, like, I understood about those things. So, like, I remember, you know, cooking with my grandma when I was little and, like, my mom and stuff and, like, trying new things, like trying her, like, food and all that stuff. And, like, growing up, like, eating, like, lots of, like, soul food. I hated it when I was little, like, the vegetables and stuff. But, like, I grew to, like, love it now that I'm, like, older. It, like, reminds me of home, which I also think is just like a Southern thing in general. But it's something that's, like, special to me, and I try to carry those things on to myself because, like, I told you that I have, like, lots of hobbies, so I like cooking and stuff. So I always get recipes for my mom to, like, sort of keep me, like, tied into, like, home, if that makes sense.

14:59 That's beautiful. How have your mental health, struggles and growth shaped your identity and perspective over time?

15:09 Well, I think that's a deep question. I think that they shaped everything a lot for me. You know, I always kind of struggled with, like, image issues growing up because, like, obviously I was chubbier when I was little, so that was, like, a big thing. Like, people definitely, like, made fun of me. Maybe not, like, outright, like, bullied me, but, like, people make jokes and they say things. And so, like, I feel like for a long time that took, like, a really big toll on, like, self image stuff for me. And then I remember, like, one summer, like, I took it, like, really seriously, and I was like, I actually, like, can't be, like, I can't anymore. So I was like, I'm really going to do it this summer. Like I keep saying it but like I'm really going to like lose weight this summer because I remember it was like something I think about a lot because like I just wanted to be normal. And then I remember I did. And after that I kind of struggled with like mental health stuff with like having like eating problems where like I wasn't really eating. And so I had like an eating disorder for a really long time. And it was something that I sort of struggled with a lot. And it like affected other parts of like my health, like as a girl, you know, like having like growth problems and stuff. So that was something that was sort of hard to deal with. But I, I'm like, I'm happy to say I'm better now, but like it was something I dealt with probably like through the end of middle school, all the way through high school. And then I also especially struggled, I would say like junior year when like Covid like really was like starting and like getting bad. Like I had a lot of like family things going on and a lot of like personal things going on in my life. And then on top of being able to like not see anybody that I was close to instead of just like spending all that time alone and like having no one to like confide in about like my problems or like talk to about it, it took a really hard toll on me and I was really like depressed for probably like two and a half years. And so I will say that I started getting like better until like my senior year of high school. But I was really sad and I would like cry like every day. I remember I had like lots of mental breakdowns and like it got really bad to the point where like I was like seriously considering like killing myself for a while. And like I used to like have problems like just like self harming and stuff and things like that. But I'm proud to say that I'm like clean and I haven't done anything. But I remember it was just like I was so sad that it was like it really feels like life isn't like worth it. And that kind of ties into what I said earlier, like facing those things and feeling those feelings and then like being able to come out on the other side and like get past it. It made it like so much easier for me to realize that like you can't just like give up when things happen, even if it's really hard. Like there are people out there who care about you and who understand. Like, I know that people probably feel really lonely because when you have those kind of Feelings, like, you feel like nobody else understands, and you feel really, like, alone and just, like, by yourself. But after, like, talking to, like, my friends who I'm really thankful for, you know, they were always trying to, like, be there for me. And I won't say that it, like, always made me feel better, but I do think that, like, having, like, some sort, like, some form of support every once in a while really helped me, like, get over those things. And, like, having people, like, actively tell me how much they, like, care and how much I mean to them, you know, helped me sort of see things more clearly. And I think that that offered a big perspective on me about life because, like, I also kind of realized, like, I just need to get out of my own head. Like, you just have to stop thinking so much sometimes. And that's, like, hard to do because sometimes, you know, all you can do is, like, think about stuff, even if you don't want to, because I'm somebody who overthinks things a lot. But I also kind of realized that, like, you just have to, like, sort of reflect on things and try to find the root of the issue. Because there's always, like, a root of the issue. And. And you have to, like, learn how to communicate with other people about it and, like, talk to them about it and, like, ask for help. And if there isn't anyone who's close to you that you, like, trust with those things, there's always, like, other ways to, like, reach out to people. Even if it's, like, talking, like, just, like, to yourself or something, or just, like, you know, just like, posting something somewhere just to, like, let it out or, like, journaling or, like, having a diary or something. But just, like, letting those feelings. Feelings out is really important. And I think that, you know, I realized how much, like, it helps because, like, you kind of think that, like, talking about it isn't going to help, it's going to make it worse. But I think that talking about it sometimes does help. And I also do think that, you know, letting it out helps sometimes, too, because I was somebody who used to hold things in a lot and just, like, not say anything and just kind of, like, try to put on, like, a brave face because, like, I didn't want other people to worry about me. But at some point, I think it's good to just cry and just let it out, you know, and stuff. And I think that, like, it's good to sort of, like, take the time to, like, go through your range of emotions, but you remember to, like, calm down at the end to sort of, like, have a better, like, level head. Because I think a lot of the, like, decisions I made that were, like, irrational or just, like, bad for me, I made them when I was feeling, like, really emotional and, like, unstable in, like, who I was. Like, I wasn't thinking clearly when I did those things. So I think it's important to, like, you know, let out your feelings, but don't push yourself to, like, a panic attack or, like, a mental breakdown. Like, remember to, like, calm down afterwards and, like, think clearly. Because even if, like, your problems in life are really hard and they're, like, taking a huge toll on you, life kind of goes on. And I just kind of realized that, like, there's nothing I can do about certain things. Like, some things are just out of your control and you just have to, like, let it go. And it's hard, but it's really. It's a really important thing to understand because you can't blame yourself for something that you have no control over. That was something that I think that taught me because I also realized, like, getting older, like, I kind of can't afford to, like, cry about everything all the time, like, when I was in high school and stuff, because there's, like, so many other things. Like, life isn't going to stop for anybody. And just because your life, like, isn't going great right now doesn't mean you can afford to, like, just stop everything and just, like, rot away. Even if that's, like, what you want to do. If you do that, it's only going to make things worse. So at some point you just kind of have to, like, pick yourself up because nobody else is going to do it for you. Like, even if you really, like. I feel like a lot of time people are just like, I just want someone to help me. And, like, it's good to want support from other people. But in order for you to actually start getting better, like, you have to take initiative yourself and, like, want to do those things. Because if you continue to just, like, sulk and, like, wallow and, like, your sadness, you're not going to go anywhere. So that was something that I think I realized. It's just like, life isn't going to wait for me to feel better. Like, I have to start trying to make improvements myself to feel better. And I have to, like, start, like, finding the root of these issues and, like, why I think this way and why I feel this way and, like, talk to people that I feel, like, understand me about them so they can help me understand Better so that I don't feel alone and stuff. So I think that was something that was big for me, that helped me overcome, like, a lot of issues. That was a really big issue for me for, like, a really long time. But, like, I'm really happy that, like, I'm in a better place now because, like, eventually, even though I hate it when people say that about the whole, like, it gets better thing. Cause, like, you never know when it's gonna get better. It could take, like, a couple months or, like, a couple years or whatever. And, like, I know it's probably unfair to expect other people to have to, like, wait for their life to improve because, like, when you're dealing with something like that, it feels like you're, like, suffering and your feels like every day is like hell. But at some point it will become bearable and you will reach a point where, like, you start thinking, like, it's not so bad, and maybe I could keep doing this and, like, maybe, you know, life isn't horrible all the time. So I think it's important to just, like, try to, like, focus on, like, whatever good things you have in life, even when everything else sucks, like, try to focus on what makes you happy. Because I think doing that really helped me out of, like, the dark places in life. So that would be my advice to people. I think the mental health is really important, and I think that, you know, it's important to know when to take a break and when to, like, ask for help, because I don't think a lot of people do that, myself included.

24:44 Yeah. Well, that sounds like you've been on quite the journey. Thank you for sharing all that wisdom as a woman living in Georgia. Is there. How has being a female in the south affected your identity and your opportunities?

25:03 I think that's a good question too, because I think that a lot of people say this. I won't say it's just in, like, the south, but kind of everywhere. But I think that being a woman in Georgia has affected me because I've experienced my fair amount of judgment and harassment because of that. Like, obviously, you know, when you're a woman and when you're an attractive woman or just, like, you know, anyone who thinks that you look nice, they're going to say something to you about it. I've had my fair experiences with, like, being, like, cat called by other people and, like, harassed in public. And, you know, it's always uncomfortable, and there's really, like, not much you can do to avoid it besides, like, trying to go out in groups. Or just, you know, I can't really give too much advice on how to, like, help because I just tend to ignore people and just kind of, like, keep moving. But I think that that's something that I experienced a lot. I also think that just, like, being in the south, since this is, like, more of a conservative, like, traditional, like, place, a lot of people here have traditional values. I think I experienced a lot of judgment as a woman because since I'm younger and also since I'm a little bit less traditional, like, the way that I present myself, I think people kind of assume a lot of things about me, like, that I might, like, I dye my hair a lot and I dress, like, very, like, girly. Sometimes they're just, like, out there, like, different than I think a lot of people and so. Or than like, most people in the south would. And so, like, I think a lot of time people assume that, like, I don't have any faith or, like, you know, that I probably, like, don't care about, like, God and, like, things like that. And while I'm not someone who's, like, super religious, I do have my faith and I believe in those things. People just assume that, like, I don't have any, like, values or that I wasn't raised well, or that just, like, you know, I don't have any, like, respect for myself or just that, like, because I dress that way, that, like, I am, like, attention seeking or just like that, like, you know, I don't, like, value anything. I think a lot of the time they assume that, like, that's like, a big thing with, like, women, I think. Or, like, when you present yourself a certain way, they just assume that you're, like, slutty or that, like, you know, you don't protect yourself and things like that. Or that, like, you don't care about, like, those kinds of things. But I would say I'm the complete opposite. I actually am very afraid of a lot of those things. So I don't really interact with stuff. I just kind of, like, enjoy presenting myself that way because I think I look pretty and it makes me happy. But I don't think that it's a reflection of who I am or, like, what I believe in or anything. But I think sometimes in the south that people assume that. That, like, you know, I'm like, a godless heathen or something. But that's the complete opposite.

28:07 What I know we talked about, like, that volunteering and doing good and your faith and all of that is important. Like, what is kind of. What are you Wanting to spend your life on what going forward?

28:25 I would say going forward that, like you mentioned, I did a lot of volunteer work in high school. I was in a lot of clubs, so I did. I spent a lot of time, like, volunteering at churches and food tribes and stuff. And so, like, seeing a lot of people go through things that, like, I've also partially experienced with, like, not being. Always having everything or, like, being the most fortunate, they're like. And also on top of, like, the other things I experienced with, like, mental health stuff that, like, I want to spend my future, like, helping people, you know, I want to do something good for the world. Like, I feel like there's so much going on and there's so much, like, negative stuff that, like, I want to try to make a positive impact and I want to try to, like, change the world for the better. Even if it's only like, a little, or even if all I can do is, like, offer like, help to, like, a bigger cause, then that's something I want to do. That's why I want to pursue, like, nursing in the medical field, because I want to help people. I know that there's, like, they always need help and there's always going to be, like, sickness and stuff. So I want to try to help, find a way to, like, help people. Especially with everything that happened in Covid, I know that it's kind of like anything could happen at any moment and we could be in like, a state of, like, panic where, like, we need people to, like, be there to, like, help others, especially people who are, like, immunocompromised or, like, in danger, like women and children and stuff, who don't have, like, great immune systems because they might be pregnant or just like, really young or old or sick or have health problems. And so that's something that I've always wanted to do is, like, help other people and, like, you know, be a part of, like, something good. Because, you know, I've had my own experiences, you know, with, like, negative things. So, like, I want to, like, offer something positive. And I have family members who have health problems and I've seen, like, firsthand, like, that toll it takes on people. So, like, I want to be able to help others who deal with those things because, you know, if we keep working hard, I feel like we'll be able to, like, find a solution to a lot of the problems and I want to try to be, like, a solution to the problem.

30:41 Yeah, that's great. Looking forward into the future, what do you expect or want your identity to be in 10 years from now?

30:53 I think that's a tricky question. I haven't really thought too far that far into the future, but I do think that, like, somewhere down the line, I want my identity to just be as someone who's, like, authentically themselves. I try my best to be myself and who I am, but I want to try to be more comfortable and expressing myself without worrying about what other people think all the time. And, you know, I want to try to, like, make a change, like I said before. And I want my identity to be something that I think other people can sort of relate to. I want to be able to, like, you know, show that, like, you can do whatever you want to do and be whoever you want to be, because at the end of the day, it's your life and you should live it. So I would say that, like, I want to be able to, like, offer something for, like, other people to look up to, especially, like, my sister, because she's very young. So I want to make sure I'm a good role model for her and that, like, I represent my family in a good way. So I would say that's what I hope to look forward to. Obviously, also just, like, success. Like, I think I want to be successful, and I want to, like, accomplish my goals and all that. And I want to, like, you know, help make other people happy and, like, help the people that I care for and stuff. I would say that's probably it. I just, like, want to make everybody happy, including myself.

32:24 Yeah. Well, that is beautiful, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you so much for talking with me today. Any final thoughts?

32:37 No, I don't think so.

32:39 Okay. Well, thanks again.

32:42 You're welcome.

32:46 Okay. I have saved.