Follow up with Sylvia

00:01 My daughter in law is how old is she? 56 or something like that. And she's going to school her master's in social work.

00:16 So I'm just going to start with what I did with the first one. My name is Shannon I'm 44 years old. Today is December 13th and I'm speaking with Sylvia who is my friend Stacia's mom. And we are in a quiet secured recording. And I just had a couple follow up questions from our earlier discussion, especially around caregiving. And so how, Sylvia have you. Did you have to care for your parents or any family members at all as they had gotten older?

00:54 Well, not really. My dad was 62 when he died.

01:00 Oh, wow.

01:01 He had a major heart surgery, went to Boston, I think I said that before. Went to Boston when he was 49 and had major heart surgery. And it was just when they were starting to do this major heart surgery. He said he had like 20 doctors following this doctor around that did that to him. And then he came back and went back to work, which he shouldn't have. He should have gone on disability. But he was that old German thought.

01:36 You know, workhorse work.

01:38 You have to work. Yeah. And mother, well, she was in an apartment for a while and. But then she kept forgetting to take her medicine or she'd take too much, but she did, she was, didn't have Alzheimer's or even dementia. She just, you know, was in that apartment. And finally I went over there one day and I said, well, mom, do you think it's time you go in a nursing home? And she said, whatever you think, honey, sure. So we did put her in there.

02:19 And then was that around here? Is it like, does it still exist?

02:24 Yeah, it's the one that 21st and shaven, I think it's still there. And when she died, I was in the room with her and I stepped out in the hall, leaned against the wall and these nurses aides came running and they knelt that next to her bed and start bawling and touching her face and, and rubbing her arms and hands. And I went, oh my God, this must be awful for you. And they said, well, they're just like our babies. We've taken care of your mom for a long time. And my mom was real funny.

03:02 Yeah.

03:02 Say real funny things. And they, and these. But these girls were not, they were not young, but a lot of the young girls just thought she was a riot.

03:12 A riot.

03:15 And so yeah, we. She probably had more visitors than almost anybody ever in a nursing home because my sister Nancy's son lived a couple doors from the nursing home. He had three little kids, and he'd take them down there all the time to visit grandma. And then she had a lot of friends that came by. And I went over there almost every day. And so one day I went over there and I said, well, mom, somebody looks like he gave you a manicure. She goes, oh, yeah. This church brings these kids in. They're like 8th graders, 12 years old, and they have to adopt a patient. This little girl adopted me. She reads my letters, and she reads, you know, stories, and we sit and talk, and she gave me a manicure. So. What a great idea.

04:11 Yes. I've been reading a lot about how doing intergenerational activities with preschool and their motor development and how that can help nursing home residents or older people when it comes to balance and mobility and some of those gross motor skills. And it's. It's fun.

04:36 Well, plus, the. It's really good for the kids.

04:39 Yes.

04:40 It lets them get out of themselves and into somebody else, you know, like.

04:44 Yes.

04:44 So kids can be very selfish, but it's because nobody gives them any responsibility or puts them in with something.

04:53 Sure.

04:53 They feel like they're, you know, have.

04:57 A purpose, like something.

04:59 They're the one. They're the one that's helping this person, not the other way around.

05:03 Sure.

05:04 And so I think it gives them a really good, you know. Stacia worked at a nursing home the whole time she was in school. High school, not as much in college, but it's hard work. She was going to school and high school, and then she was working full time in a nursing home. Started out part time, but they were going to fire them if they didn't go on full time. So she was very tired a lot of the time because she was working. You know, she had to get the grades and then she had to work. Yeah.

05:41 I do spring term travel, and I take groups of college students over to. I'm going to Cyprus this year. And one of the things that's pretty neat. Oh, I love it. One of the things that we're doing is actually partnering the college kids with some of the older people in the. In the outer villages to help them do things like pick lemons off their lemon trees because they can't get out and do that anymore. And kind of developing this transgender generational activities where they can mutually benefit from each other on information and life stories and help around and learn how to, you know, the college kids learn how to cook other than, you know, Mac and cheese and stuff. Like that and the importance of family and other cultures. So that's one of the activities we're doing this year with our groups.

06:39 Oh, yeah. Well, all my kids learned how to cook at an early age.

06:43 I wish I did. I'm only good at Hamburger Helper. Cause that's what I grew up on.

06:50 In fact, they never even, you know, like, when we have get togethers. I had Thanksgiving here and my girlfriend said, you shouldn't be having Thanksgiving. That's too hard. I said, it's not hard for me because they come and I. They set up those, you know, those tables, Those long tables.

07:07 Yes.

07:09 They set up three of them in the living room and put all the chairs around and tablecloths. And I had bought paper plates and plastic forks and put those out. But that was. And then nothing got set up till they got here. And then they brought all the food. I didn't cook anything. I bought a ham and Stacy's husband cooked it. You know, he's a cook. I don't know if you knew that.

07:35 No, I didn't.

07:36 Oh, he's. You know, when she comes home from work, he has a nice meal for her. He likes to cook nice. And so he does the cooking and. Have you met him?

07:51 No.

07:52 Oh, well, he's working at Riley now, too.

07:54 Oh, really?

07:55 He's working at Riley? I was working at Riley. Stacy's daughter's working at Riley, and my son's daughter is a nurse in the ER there.

08:07 Oh, I used to work in the ER there.

08:09 Oh, did you?

08:11 It was a long time ago. I lasted a year before. I just saw so much abuse. I couldn't do it anymore. So I went back to nicu.

08:21 Oh, it'd be awful with the children. I did work at Methodist in the ER for a couple of days, but I had, you know, I'm not a spring chicken. And it was so much walking that I just called my boss and said, I put somebody young over there. I can't.

08:39 It is a big unit.

08:41 And it's Methodists. Have you. Yeah. It's huge.

08:44 Yes.

08:45 And I said. So I said, I just really can't do it. It's too hard. And. But it was probably the most interesting place.

08:55 Oh, they see so much.

08:58 It was unbelievable. I mean, it was very interesting, but There were like 100 patients, and then there was only 40. Some people waiting to be a patient.

09:11 I'm going.

09:11 It was just, I don't know, overwhelming.

09:15 Very.

09:17 And so I didn't mind that, except that I just couldn't walk that far. It Sounds funny, but you had to. When a patient. When a patient's family came in, you had to go back there and find the doctor to see if it's all right if they could visit. And then you. It was impossible for one person to do it.

09:42 Sure.

09:42 And then you had to come out, and then you had to take them back. Then you had to come out. I mean, there's people in line waiting like crazy. But the favorite place was the Riley outpatient center. My favorite place to work.

09:57 Yeah, I like Riley. I like working there.

10:01 Yeah. I mean, you really felt like you were doing something, helping people, you know, And I'd get there at 5:30 in the morning and stay till 4:30 in the afternoon.

10:11 Oh, my goodness. You got there before I got there.

10:16 Right. I. I was supposed to work 6 to 4, but people would be coming in at 5:30 and they didn't know.

10:24 Where to go for surgery.

10:26 And there's two, you know, they. I didn't know if that. I had to find out if they were going downstairs or upstairs. And so, yeah, I could have worked there all the time, but then they start moving people around too. I worked in labor and delivery over in Methodist for a couple of years. And they moved it over to Riley.

10:49 Yes. In the Towers. So knowing that your mom was in the nursing home is that. We're doing a lot of readings on aging in place where people are preferring to stay home. Have you talked to Stacia or any of your family members about kind of what you're wanting?

11:15 Well, Stacia said I'm never going in a nursing home unless I have Alzheimer's. I'm sure you're never going in a nursing home, Mom. Well, you know, my kids love this little house I bought. Yes, she's in love with it. Every time she comes over here, she goes, I just love this house.

11:31 They'll just move in with you.

11:34 Them moving in with me? Oh, no. I tell people I could live with any one of my kids, but not the people they're married to. Yeah, except maybe Chris's wife, Heidi. She's things. When they first got married, I didn't think I was gonna like her. But as the years went by, she's very. She's just very close to me now. And she calls me all the time and she has me over and we do things together. And so. And I became very close to their kids. But then Elliot moved to Maine. He's in Maine, so I can't talk him into coming back. I've tried.

12:23 You have such an amazing Support system with your kids, your grandkids, people around you. It sounds like you have such an amazing support system.

12:38 Oh, yes. Stace came over two weeks ago. I think it was two weeks, maybe three now. And we spent all day cleaning out my sheds. We throw it through. There was a bunch of the mice, got into things. We had a lot to throw away, and then a lot that I took over to the Goodwill, but she spent all day doing that, and it was a lot of hard work. And every spring, I buy a huge amount of flowers and she plants them.

13:05 Well, I'm sure with your little cottage.

13:07 People come in, come by, and they say, your yard's beautiful. And then Tim ordered sixteen hundred dollars worth of mulch, and he and his wife and Chris and Heidi came over. But mostly Tim put all that mulch down, and he's got a bad back, and he cut some dead limbs off my trees and. And when I had my hip operation, he stayed with me for two weeks and took care of me. And he works from home, so he can do that.

13:42 Sure.

13:42 He just set up his office in a bit in the guest bedroom. And I just enjoyed having him there with me because he just couldn't do enough for me. And then Michael, Stacia's son, brought him over a chair. What are those chairs? Recliners. So now she's bought me a recliner because that. I seem to like that one so well. But they. Yeah, they're. I am. I know how lucky I am.

14:22 You're very.

14:23 Even though my marriage didn't work, I think, what if I hadn't done it? I wouldn't have this wonderful family.

14:30 Absolutely.

14:31 And so I went through some hard times when they were little, but I. I said they had to be the best of times and the worst of times because we were dirt poor. And she just turned 2, and I had the twins, and then I. And so I. That's when I was. I lived at mom and Dad's for a while because Daddy was the orchid in Dayton, Ohio. And mom said, why don't you just move in here and I can go live with Daddy? So that's what we did. And I was in the great big old house with three babies. So it's the best of times because they were so darn cute. And I just enjoyed them so much.

15:13 Yeah.

15:14 And. But I didn't. I don't know. But he flew the coop, and I didn't know where he was. And we got. We got through it.

15:24 You got through it. And everyone's. I. As you said, the Kids are strong leaders and everyone's doing well and successful and they're there to support you. And.

15:39 I read to the kids a lot and I think that really helped. When they went to school, the boys, I ended up getting them in the Indianapolis Day Nursery, which was wonderful. And at the time it was subsidized by the United Way. Now I don't know, I think it, they closed it down. But we were just there when they just opened a new building. They put a picture in the paper advertising the new building with my kids, you know, and it, I still have that article. But anyway, it was really good for them there and they had good teachers and preschool type thing, you know, which is what my great granddaughter is in now, Elizabeth. And she just thinks she's so smart because she's learning so much.

16:40 Oh, Stacia talks the world of her.

16:43 Oh, I know it. I can't stop. I couldn't. Well, she had her till she went to preschool and just played with her all day. And now that's all she does with these two babies she has now. She just plays with them constantly. She doesn't get anything done.

16:59 It's so different from when I see her at work because at work she is very much a leader and I'm very much a take charge person and no funny business and we're getting this done. So to know that she just plays and is a different person from work.

17:18 She just plays with them all day and, and. But I thought I'd go over there and help her. But of course she doesn't really need help. But she, but you know, the babies are both hungry at the same time or something. Anyway, she. And so I'm sure. And I miss Elizabeth too because she's in preschool. But, but she's learning so much there and she's loving it. She's loving learning.

17:47 That's fantastic.

17:48 But Face worked with her a lot too. They, they played with play doh. And they played with finger paints and paints with brushes and just played with her constantly. Well, I did that with my kids when they were a little too. I just put all my effort into being with them and playing with them.

18:11 Yeah.

18:12 And it makes them smart when they get into school.

18:17 It does. And it brings out the creative side and. Yes, absolutely.

18:24 I mean they could read before they went to school and the teacher wanted to put them in the second grade. She wanted to skip a grade. But I then I put them in Catholic school and that didn't happen.

18:36 Yeah.

18:37 And socially it probably didn't. Wasn't a good Idea anyway. I don't know. Who knows?

18:42 Right? Right.

18:43 Whether you go one way or the other. And so just. It just all worked out really.

18:55 Well. I won't keep you any longer. I just had some caregiving questions to follow up on.

19:00 Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm not very mobile right now. My legs are very weak and everything. But I don't need. I don't need anybody here. I can get things done. It just takes me twice as long.

19:15 Sure, sure.

19:17 And I can do things. You know, I make a list every day, like mop the floor on the porch or clean out the refrigerator. You know, I make a list every day and I try to get it done, but I never do. So it goes on to the next list. And today I spent all day making out Christmas cards, and I never get them done because I always keep thinking of somebody else.

19:49 Yes.

19:50 You ever do that?

19:51 Oh, yes. You're like, oh, I forgot this person. I need to go back and do this.

19:56 Yeah. I keep. And of course, it really helps to have everybody's address on your phone.

20:02 Yes.

20:04 You can just go right to your phone. Put the address down. That's done. Well, Shannon I'm glad I got to meet you.

20:14 Yes. Thank you so, so much, and good luck to you.

20:20 Are you married?

20:21 No, I am divorced. I was married for a year before he flew the Cooper. And I just have me and my dogs, and I teach full time and I work at Riley.

20:38 You're living your best life.

20:40 Yes. I take students on trips around the world. I've been to Ecuador and Cyprus, and I work at a rescue shelter. And so I bring home foster dogs that need love and care. I normally do. Yeah, I normally do hospice. Hospice dogs. So they kind of stay away from each other. It's just giving them a good home for the last years of their life.

21:11 And then when you're gone, who watches over them?

21:14 I have. I pay someone to come and stay at the house since most. Most of the time my dogs are blind or have medical needs. And so I pay someone to stay here and take care of them.

21:25 Oh, yeah. Well, that's great. That's a great idea. Yeah. I probably would have ended up teaching if I hadn't gotten married. I probably would have just gone back to school and that.

21:43 Well, now I can't get out of school. I keep going back because I don't pay tuition.

21:49 Yeah.

21:50 So I have. I'm working on my fifth degree.

21:53 Oh, yeah. Well, that's good.

21:54 Yeah.

21:55 And you can diversify, do whatever.

21:59 You never know. You never know what Doors, it'll open.

22:04 Right? That's true. When Stace graduated, I wanted her to go back, but she wanted to. She said, mom, my clock is ticking. I gotta get started having kids. I gotta get married and start having kids.

22:19 Yeah, I know. She gives me a hard time for going back to school all the time.

22:26 She does?

22:26 Yeah. She's like, what are you going back for now? When I got my doctorate degree, she said, I'm never gonna call you Dr. Moore She goes, we've gone out and partied too much. I'm never gonna call you that.

22:41 Well, she, she told me that sometimes she'll give the doctors a hard time too. A lot of them would stop and talk to me. Dr. Lemons could have been nicer to me.

22:51 Oh, he's so sweet in the.

22:53 And I mean, he made me feel important all the time. Stop by and say, you're doing such a great job.

22:58 You know, I, I, that man was very, He's a saint. Oh, he is, he is.

23:07 And, and there was another doctor. Doctor, Remember his name? Urchott or Earhart. Anyway, he stopped by every day and talked to me. And he's in a band called Dude.

23:20 Oh, isn't it? Ebenhart is Ebenhart.

23:22 Yeah. And he's in. And he stopped by, he'd say, come on. And we're gonna be down by where you live in the come over. I says, well, your band doesn't start till 9:30. And I've been up since 4:30.

23:35 Yeah.

23:35 So I, I just can't go.

23:38 I can't party like that.

23:40 He was all excited because they were going to play at the fairground.

23:43 Uhhuh.

23:44 So I went to the fairground and watched them. They're really good. I said, what do you charge for a wedding? Well, it's 5,000. I said, well, I don't think we'll be doing that. Although, Although Stacia's oldest had a spectacular expensive wedding. And I know they paid that band more than that. Wow. Michael buried a rich girl.

24:10 Yes, he did that, he did.

24:13 And there. But everything's working out for him.

24:17 Yeah. They have some beautiful babies.

24:20 The Lulu. Little Lulu. I'm not. Why did I say that? Lola.

24:25 Yes, Lola. All right, ma'am. Well, I will give you a call if I have any follow up questions. I really appreciate this.

24:38 I take Eliquis, so I have to take it twice a day.

24:41 Yes.

24:41 And Timothy, my son Timothy, put an Alexis in there. And at 9:00 in the morning and 9:00 at night, it tells me to take my medicine.

24:51 That's awesome. That's great. Well, don't forget to take that.

24:55 Maybe I'll get to talk.