Shelley Benezra and Jessica Weitzman

Recorded July 15, 2007 Archived July 15, 2007 01:36:26
0:00 / 0:00
Id: GCT004051

Description

Shelley and her daugher, Jessica had a conversation about Shelley’s life growing up in Coney Island in an extended family and close neighborhood.

Subject Log / Time Code

You grew up in Coney Island. What was that like?
Favorite relatives
How did you meet dad?
Do you remember songs that you would sing to me as a child?
How has your life been different from what you had imagined?

Participants

  • Shelley Benezra
  • Jessica Weitzman

Transcript

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00:13 My name is Shelley benezra. And I'm going to be 65 in a month from now. Today is July.

00:25 16 15th 2007 and the location is Grand Central Terminal and I will be speaking with my daughter Jay.

00:38 My name is Jessica Weitzman. I'm 33 years old today's date is July 15th, 2007. Where at Grand Central Terminal and I'm interviewing my mom.

00:52 So my question for you, Mom is where did you where were you born? And where did you grow up? I was born in Brooklyn and I grew up in Brooklyn. And actually I lived all my life in Brooklyn except for two years when I lived in Guadalajara, Mexico.

01:14 And what was it like when you grow up in Brooklyn?

01:18 Well, there was no air conditioner and in the summertime everybody's all the old ladies sat out on the street and watched everything that was happening and made comments about everything and if your mother wanted to call you in she would pop her head out the window and yell your name and tell you to come and we would play games like stupor which was throwing a ball on Statue had to have a lot of steps on the front of your house and you have to hit it the step there was different points. I don't remember exactly how it went and we play freeze tag.

02:06 Engagements like that

02:10 And I know you grew up in Coney Island was you like the beach. I love the beach. I loved it and was so wonderful living in Coney Island because everybody wants her to come to Coney Island, but they had to travel and we didn't have to travel to get there. We walk two blocks to the beach and so you could go there any time and in any weather and I love walking on the boardwalk and I would walk.

02:41 In the cold and the snow and look at it the ocean and was really peaceful and it was a very free feeling.

02:54 What's your favorite memory from childhood if you have one?

03:00 Well, I don't know if it's my favorite, but what I used to love with when Tuesday night was fireworks tonight, and we would go on the boardwalk and every Tuesday night go to the pier in Coney Island and they would shoot off fireworks and it was fantastic and I know he got tired of seeing it.

03:22 Who was your favorite who is your favorite relative or who are your favorite relatives? My anti-b was my favorite relative. She was wonderful and she really kept the family together in a lot of ways.

03:38 Like what? Was there anything special that she did that you wanna?

03:43 Talk about I should also say my grandmother who you are named after.

03:49 But she died later on. So, but when am I was a child, I'll go back to talking about her. We lived in the same house as her and we live downstairs in the basement and I was the first grandchild and she was my protector. So whenever my mother would give me a hard time she would yell at my mother.

04:14 And on Saturdays when she was older and she couldn't go to synagogue. She would pray at home and I would follow behind her and try to say the words that she said I didn't understand what you were saying, but I would do like the intonation and everything is like her little shadow.

04:33 So and that was Grandma your head us who you are named after and anti-b as I got older. She was the one who kept all the relatives in touch with each other. She would men's arguments between various people and make sure everybody was included in things wasn't there. I'm sorry that how she sent you to Art School. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. I always like to do artwork and so she had a friend and I don't remember.

05:11 The information about you know, who this person was, but every Saturday morning we would take I actually think we took the trolley which was really wonderful in those days. It doesn't exist anymore. And we would go to this person's house and she would give me art lessons and it was really thrilling to me. It was such a wonderful special time and that sent you the Mark Twain and then to major in Brooklyn College. Well Mark Twain was not a specialty time. I went there now. It's just my local Junior High School.

05:49 And they didn't have a special arts program there.

05:55 And at the time that a graduated from Junior High School, it was questions whether I should go into a special school like performing arts or something like that, but then we decided that Lincoln had a very good arts program in that certainly they would match and turn to the education. And actually I had a wonderful our teacher that he was phenomenal. His name was Mister friend.

06:23 And he really worked it like a mature adult kind of program at the end. We will put up all work and it would be criticized and we had a portfolio. So I learned a lot there.

06:38 Were there were there any like Classic Family stories or jokes or songs that you want to talk about that you remember?

06:50 Well, there was

06:54 I guess I could just name a few of them every Passover. My we would have entertainment after the second grader and everybody would perform and your grandpa Al would sing Old Man River that was his thing and Uncle Louie my Uncle Louie live in Florida. He would tell jokes he was the comedian and he always had jokes to tell

07:24 Tybee was The Fantasticks answer in the family? She would win Awards and things for her dancing since he was a singer and wanted to get on Arthur Godfrey. They would discover talents on Arthur Godfrey, but she never got on there.

07:46 And they would all make jokes about grandmas are about her being kind of clumsy and stuff.

07:54 It's funny. I didn't know a lot of that.

07:57 What were your parents like?

08:01 Hard question

08:08 When I was a kid.

08:12 My mother was

08:15 Very involved in my life and always always trying to direct me and tell me what to do and very everything was very pissed in her life.

08:30 So that if I do a picture, you know, then I was going to be an artist.

08:37 And if you you know, so she would have if you had long fingers Phyllis had long fingers my sister Phyllis to say, oh she's going to be a piano player.

08:50 And so she always took things to extremes.

08:55 And my father really wasn't very involved in my life. So he was kind of

09:03 He was a gymnast for a while, right? Yeah, but not when I know before I was born, what were your grandparents like for my grandparents on my mother's side and I've talked about Grandma you notice and another thing about her is that I didn't realize that she didn't speak English, She spoke in Yiddish and I understood what she said. So I thought you was speaking English and a once invited a friend over and I said, you know, you don't understand what she has to say. And of course they didn't understand what you had to say because she was speaking in Yiddish.

09:44 And my grandfather

09:48 He was another very distant person in my life from what I know. He loved me because I was the first grandchild and he gave me a ring. I don't know what happened to it, but he had very have problems with his lungs and it was hard from to walk and whatever and he died when I was pretty

10:14 What was your first serious relationship?

10:20 I don't know what I guess my first serious relationship with this guy Charlie who was I was engaged to and almost married. I'm glad you didn't so am I

10:34 It would have been the worst thing that ever happened. You know, we were very young.

10:39 The like 18 and what did I know about marriage or anyting nothing and he actually broke up with me but you know in retrospect I thank him everyday that he did cuz I certainly wasn't ready for marriage and I think it would have just been a terrible traumatic experience for me and have been divorced a couple of times. He was divorced once I just found that out about 5 years ago.

11:11 How does inmates add on a blind date?

11:16 But it wasn't a direct line. It was a blind date where one of the young women I knew fixed a whole bunch of people up with dates. So it was like a big crowd of us. We all went out together. And the first time I met him I loved talking to him, but it wasn't attracted to him.

11:41 Sound and we went to the World's Fair together on our next date was in the sixties that the World's Fair at

11:53 And queens

11:57 And I didn't like him then and what he used to do after that. We didn't go out for a long time. He is this something that you're going to remember from your grandpa used to send me articles from the newspaper about things that he thought might interest me.

12:18 And as you know Grandpa Louie to do that, his father used to do that throughout your life has been so I guess that's where he got it from.

12:29 And the movie went that we went out to the movies like six months later, and we went to see

12:37 What do you call a James Bond movie and that's when we started getting interested in each other back to know or something. I don't know.

12:49 Funny, what's your favorite memory of Dad?

12:55 If you have one of my husband, yeah, yeah, my bad. Dad show your husband. Oh God.

13:06 It's really hard.

13:09 I don't know if I have a favorite memory.

13:13 I know that when we were going together when we're first going together. I thought he was the most perfect wonderful person in the whole world. I thought he was the most brilliant and he knew how to do everything and I just looked up to him and every way

13:36 Are there any lessons that you think you've learned from your relationship with with Dad or with friends or?

13:47 Gosh, that that could take about 20 years to talk about.

13:54 I would just say in general what I've learned over time.

13:59 And this is a very took me a long time to learn. It's in very important lesson and that is to be yourself and to not try to do things to please other people and I do try to please other people cuz I love them and because I care about people

14:21 But I don't do it and what it's who win their favor I do it because they're important to me and I tried to look at the way people act towards me.

14:37 In terms of

14:42 Is it why are they acting that way and did I do something or is it just them to try to put things in perspective about where this person is coming from to look at their points of view?

14:58 And see am I alright with what happened?

15:03 Or not

15:06 That's a good one.

15:08 Well, as you know, I'm not pregnant and I was wondering what went through your head when you first saw me.

15:16 God that was a most wonderful moment of my life. It was incredible.

15:25 It's it's totally hard to describe. But here is this thing this living human being that was created out of me and your dad and you know, we love each other very much.

15:40 And you were like the culmination of what that was.

15:48 Do you remember any of the songs that used to sing to me?

15:52 Well, there was a song I used to sing to you and you when you go to sleep. I think it went like this. It was my own made-up song. I would sing everybody loves Jessica. Everybody loves Jessica. Mommy loves you daddy loves Jessica and then on and on and on like that and everybody loves Jessica.

16:22 What's your favorite memory of Josh?

16:31 It's hard to be able to talk about a favorite memory with Josh because Joshua is your brother younger, brother.

16:39 He was always getting into trouble from the time. He he was able to move and I mean that literally because he must have been about 4 months old and I had him in a seat on the table one of these baby seat and he I didn't have him strapped in because I didn't think I needed to do it, you know, it's kind of angle to see it and he went forward and fell down on his head and that was like indicative of everything he did.

17:18 Always getting into trouble I spent many times in the emergency room with Joshua for various injuries.

17:30 But if I have to say my favorite memory.

17:37 Maybe his bar mitzvah because

17:42 He had been sick. He has Crohn's and he had been sick and had just come out of the hospital having surgery a week before.

17:53 But he just got up there and did his thing and

17:58 I felt he was very brave. He never let his illness keep him from doing things.

18:20 What was your earliest memory? What is your earliest memory?

18:31 I don't really think I have an earliest memory because

18:38 I think a lot of my memories are memories of things that have been told to me.

18:49 But the first thing I can remember and I'm sure you know.

18:54 Well, I was the oldest grandchild and there are a lot of grandchildren and we all lived in Coney Island.

19:01 And we would all go to the beach together.

19:06 And the thing I remember is that I was in those days when you went on the beach and Coney Island. It was a mob scene.

19:14 The blankets were right next to each other. So it's really hard like if you wanted to go to the water fountain cuz everybody wants you to sit in the air the water. It was a long walk back to the water fountain.

19:28 And I remember that I was responsible for taking care of younger children and taking them to the water fountain and I was very young. I mean, I don't know if I was school-age yet.

19:44 And I lost them.

19:47 And I felt very

19:50 Angry that I was given that responsibility.

19:55 But that's goes back to the whole issue of because I was the oldest and I always had the most responsibility in the family.

20:06 I know I with you and Phyllis like you had to take care of her, right? And yes, I'm sure your ancestor right Phyllis is 5 years younger than me, and she remembers everything I did wrong to her.

20:21 She has a very good memory and apparently I was a horrible sister.

20:28 As I've said to her many times she blame me for things that I can't be responsible for and discuss the whole issue of you know, how I look at situations and people because I was only a child as well and it was the fact that I was burdened with being responsible for her that made me act out against her a lot of times.

20:56 Yeah, but now you guys have a great relationship. Oh, yes, but it's not because I changed it's because she finally realize that I'm not her mother.

21:08 And she can't blame me for those men.

21:16 Do you have a happiest moment in your life that you remember?

21:21 I have to say that I had a lot of happy moments in my life.

21:28 I'm very thankful for.

21:36 The day your dad and I got married to that you were born the day Joshua was born.

21:45 The day I got my Master's number that

21:51 Is that your dad graduated from medical school?

21:59 When we first bought the house.

22:02 He did well with that.

22:07 I'm just you know, what nari ordinary days with?

22:13 Wonder family life

22:21 Who do you think? I don't know if your bouncer this, but who's been the kindest to in your life?

22:36 I don't know if I have an answer to that question. I don't think of it that way.

22:43 I don't think of people in those terms. Obviously a lot of people have been calling to me my grandmother my aunt.

22:55 But if I had an experience that I could say, wow, that really helped me maybe my wedding dress store.

23:07 Because

23:09 That's it a story of house. Tybee was the mediator In The Family Man Tybee because I went and picked out the dress on my own for my wedding because I wasn't young. I was 27 and I was living on my own and I didn't want my mother to pick up my dress.

23:29 And then when I brought her to see the dress.

23:33 She didn't like it.

23:36 And she didn't tell me she didn't like it, but she called up the store and she canceled my dress and I didn't find out till I went back for a fitting.

23:50 And I wanted to kill her.

23:53 But Tybee came in and she calmed us all down and she talked to me in a rational way and she took me to look for gowns, and I picked at the gas and which I ended up with which was really beautiful.

24:19 How has your life been different? From what you'd imagine.

24:27 I don't think I ever had an idea. I mean, I never thought that far ahead cuz I wanted to be a ballerina and an artist but

24:40 You know, those are childhood fantasies.

24:45 I never thought I would live in a foreign country and that was quite an experience and really changed my perspective on the world. And that is too because living in a different culture is Dutch.

25:08 Shocking experience it makes you so aware of how you see the world differently than other people do.

25:19 So I think it was a wonderful experience because it helped me to grow as a person and not be so narrow-minded about the world not expecting everything to be the way I was used to it being.

25:35 In my life that there was a bigger world out there.

25:41 And

25:43 I was the question again. Oh, how have I yeah, and then we came back.

25:51 I never thought oh, I know when I was little.

25:58 Phyllis and I used to talk about who longed to marry and we always said we would never marry doctors because they would never home with their families. Now. I married your dad when he wasn't a doctor, but I didn't keep my word. I never expected to marry a doctor and it was very hard because when you and Josh will growing up Dad was away a lot and I had the responsibility of raising the two of you.

26:34 On my own much of the time

26:37 Yeah, I never thought I'd live in the house.

26:43 That was a surprise to me. I'm a very wonderful surprise.

26:51 I never I never thought I would be a speech therapist. That was a shock.

27:05 Who are your best friends growing up? And what were they like?

27:10 My best friends growing up. Well, there was this girl Ronnie.

27:22 I had a number of incidents is Ron either was Evelyn there was friend.

27:32 I don't think they were very interesting people, you know looking back on it. It was a matter of who you kind of with because they're there as I got older and went to school and met more people. I was able to pick more interesting friends so it would say welts

27:56 Lynn was my best friend when I was old for a long time.

28:03 I met her folk dancing and I love talk Lansing. So

28:08 It was something we enjoy it a lot.

28:16 I would say that.

28:19 The friends I have now are the best friends. They're really best friends.

28:28 Hi Carolyn, and Peggy Peggy and the bed.

28:34 But believe it or not Carol's my best friend because we talked a lot together. And of course, that's a very sad story because

28:46 She has lung cancer and metastasis. He's on her brain. So.

28:52 But I never realized how important she was to me too. She got sick.

28:58 We've done a lot together.

29:01 She always came with me to Grandma yeti on Mondays when Grandma was in the nursing home, and she would bake cakes for Grandma.

29:11 And she's a very kind person even though she can seem like a hard person to deal with.

29:27 Are there any words of wisdom that you'd like to pass on to me?

29:34 I don't think of myself as a wise person.

29:41 But I think what I said before, babe.

29:44 Being yourself knowing who you are.

29:48 And following what feels right to you?

29:53 In your life

29:55 Always take other people into Camp because other people's feelings are important and the world doesn't revolve around you.

30:06 And I guess the other thing would be.

30:11 A Jewish

30:13 Which is tacone alarm repair the world it's important in your life to do things that make the world a better place.

30:25 For everyone

30:29 And I truly believe that.

30:33 And respect people

30:36 But whatever they are.

30:39 You know, it doesn't matter with somebody's a garbage collector or whatever if they are there people.

30:50 And appreciate them for who they are.

30:55 Treat them like you mix.

30:59 Thank you.

31:03 Let's say

31:12 Do you have any favorite memories of me, my darling. My little princess?

31:23 Favorite memories. Let me think.

31:32 You are always so sweet and smiley.

31:38 And

31:44 I guess you will always the person that you are now.

31:48 A very kind person

32:02 The particular memories is my Alzheimer's.

32:12 I remember when you were in the dance recital. I like that. That was very cute. I remember when you got your Brownie Badges.

32:25 I remember when you and Brooke bake that cake the cake fair and you had the most outstanding cake because you made a carousel on the top of the cake.

32:42 I just remember that I love sharing times with you and talking to you on your wedding.

32:51 That was the most spectacular day house.

32:56 I know that your pets have been really important to you. Do you want to talk about? Yep? Yep, when I grew up we never had any pet it just

33:10 It wasn't a thing and I didn't particularly like animals animals. Why would I like them? I had no experience with them.

33:20 But

33:22 At a certain point, I don't know really how it happened. Let me see. My first cat was Frodo.

33:31 And Frodo I got because I want it I can't and I had to go out to New Jersey to get him.

33:38 And

33:44 I loved him a lot. He was bigger not as big as stereo, but in that little orange and white striped.

34:00 He went to Mexico with us as did Bobby who?

34:04 Poor Barbie. I mean we got Bobby to keep froto.

34:11 So she was always let me know. Yeah.

34:16 Of course, they didn't keep each other company each other.

34:26 But then we had purpur and Siamese cat that we adopt and I'm sorry we couldn't keep him cuz he was so special.

34:37 He's the walk you to school.

34:41 And then we got toonces a tuxedo cat who was a wonderful cat you and Joshua named Tim Tunes his rooms at the flying cat the cat who could drive a car.

34:56 And then we had my favorite can't who we found cuz his owner died. I think Sammy wonderful Sammy the most beautiful lovable cat in the whole wide world. What do you mean? Yeah. He used to meow a lot and he was an indoor outdoor and how did you feel about Sam? Hell up Sammy and what did you love about him? He's so cuddly and sweet and do is sit on your lap you soft So Soft big Ferrari. He looks so big than you pick him up. And he was like nothing it was so loud for

35:45 Hunt down the pretty birds. Yes. That was the bad part.

35:50 And he would kill birds and bring them as gifts.

35:55 And now you have now we have big and little who I am learning to love a lot.

36:04 I guess I always liked the big ones better because figi's my favorite.

36:12 Little is a a problem cuz it's my clothes.

36:17 I mean that literally and he tends to like to play a lot but biggie really loves to have affection and wants to be loved A lot.

36:33 So, I guess that really appeals to me.

36:40 Is there anything else that we didn't talk about that you might want to?

36:57 I left the house. I love the way it looks now since we built a new kitchen and

37:06 It's just so wonderful everyday that I come down as I said in the beginning and look out the window and see the trees and the plants and listen to The Birds.

37:20 It just

37:22 Make me feel in touch with nature and I like that feeling very much.

37:31 I guess the two things that I would mention is the Bible class that I take which I find very very rewarding and helps me to see the world in a different perspective.

37:48 Am I painting my watercolor painting which really?

37:54 Means a lot to me and I love doing the pain thing and it's like a whole of the feeling when I'm painting.

38:04 It kind of feels like

38:08 Another level of reality. So it really makes me feel good.

38:15 I do.

38:18 Botanical paintings I painted the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, so it's flowers mainly then I paint.

38:29 No, it's not realistic. I did try to do realistic painting, but it doesn't work for me.

38:40 So

38:42 It's taking me a long time to get these really.

38:46 Abstract paintings that really have feeling to them about when I'm painting and

38:54 I try to capture the feeling not.

38:58 The visual as much

39:07 I guess I would say the Lily Pond. I love the Lily Pond. I love the fact even though I rarely paint it, but the nice thing about the Lily Pond is that when the pads are in bloom?

39:24 Water is so dark. It's like practically black and you have these green pads and these beautiful open flowers sitting on and it's a different perspective because when you think of water you don't think of it is this black deep thing and it's just a different way of looking at the world.

39:52 Well, I know that your time at the Brooklyn botanic garden, but I also know that you lived in Brooklyn most your life. And is there a special spot in Brooklyn besides that the time of garden? Well, Coney Island go up in Coney Island and I love the beach always.

40:11 And I love the boardwalk and

40:15 I still go there a lot. I used to jog there, but now that my knees aren't so good. I don't jog anymore, but it's

40:27 It's a different world. I think those are my two favorite places botanical gardens in Brooklyn and Coney Island. I don't the ride is not the part of Coney Island that I like. It's the peacefulness and

40:43 The beauty of it

40:46 Is there anything that you want to ask me? How do you like married life? I love I love my husband. Yeah, I love it. He's great and I was bursting with every day and it's like you said when I used to ask you who your best friend is and used to say that I was Dad and Peter is my best friend.

41:11 Anything else you want to say, I you know when you were saying that you thought that was so smart and you so much and I feel the same way about Peter like you all the time and we can have a lot of discussions about things.

41:27 I love a married computer that part and how do you like being pregnant? I'm excited about it.

41:39 It's weird. Right like you know that we're going to make this person together.

41:45 It's exciting looking forward to finding out what the first one's going to be like all that you like me and like Peter what traits will they have?

41:56 I will raise them and put them in there.

42:04 Yeah, but our cats will do a lot of changes in your life.

42:11 It's kind of scary, right?

42:17 A little scary scary. I'm more excited about it though. I'm scared about where we're going to.

42:33 Do you?

42:37 How do you feel about being my daughter? I love being your daughter. You're a great. Mom. You made us tuna fish faces. That was home with the tuna fish in the lettuce for the hair and the olives for the Dallas for eyes and then carrots for no tornadoes in tomato slice of tomatoes for the mouth. That was great. And then when I was really little used to heat up the apple juice for me cuz I like the warm apple juice and you have great memories of you. You took me to so many places when we would go on Hikes together with friends Rachel and Josh and Peggy and I are and who live down the block from us and

43:23 Yeah, I've is great. I remember we used to sit on the back porch sometimes and you take out your old pants and we paint Josh and I and you and me where did mad and running through the sprinkler isn't going to sit and Cynthia's pool and queens, which I thought was a big pool and we got a flat. Yes, and dad was not well it was just me and you I think I know why Josh was into a cake and somebody stop is on the Belt Parkway and a man stops and helps you change the tire and give him a cake. And I remember asking why did you get?

44:07 I didn't have any money. Yeah, but it will flow to show appreciation. I was young.

44:17 What about worms now? I am wearing I thought that was Tasha's but it used to draw. Yeah, you make more me or you or me to get different pictures. I don't think he had warned me because mrs. What's your fourth grade. Rosenblum the one she's to have this warm but it started with my right eye. When The Bookworm. Is something that the trait that you got from Dad and I loving to read what would you say your favorite or was?

45:05 The the book

45:08 That's really good that I'm reading at the moment. I don't mean a particular book. But I mean when I'm reading a good book, that's my favorite. But yeah, I remember when I was about thirteen. I kept getting sick on all these different weekends. I don't know if you remember like Friday night at, 92nd and by Monday if you how high can and I remember you rented me some great movies and I recently found out Peter hadn't seen Rebel Without a Cause, So we rented that sitting like yeah you love day. That is great. And you also rented me the one about the ballet slippers or she has them I forgot about that and I love movies too. Yeah. Do you have one that you remember him to take you there?

45:56 Again, it's in Ally QuickBooks.

46:01 When I'm seeing a good movie, I love it. It's just so specialized. I think that with the movies and the books the way somebody who's a good artist into weaves the stories in the personalities and the visual of it being a movie.

46:24 I love the act of creating. Yeah.

46:29 And cookie. Yeah, you're an amazing cook you make the Salata that Grandma that came from Palestine, right? Yes. It's what you call Israeli salad. It's chopped up Tomatoes tract of cucumbers and cuz everybody after that has their own additions to that. But it now is we have SCAT chapter everything chop small scallions and black olives and fresh a lot of fresh lemon juice six oil and olive oil as a family favorite for all of us except for Dad. Yeah, but me and you and Josh would love it.

47:17 And Phyllis

47:19 Is there anything I know that you want to say?

47:30 Did you enjoy being interviewed that you got this for me as a Mother's Day gift. It's very special who is my pleasure and you always pick wonderful Mother's Day. I hope you do to cheer you get a Mother's Day now.

47:59 Thank you for coming well.

48:02 You welcome. I love you. I love you, too.