Hoover H.I.A interview w/ Mia pt2

00:01 Like, it all just culminates into like a very toxic and hostile work environment. Like, I know we've been talking very broadly so far about like just overarching experiences. Like, have you had any experiences specifically at being a member of the LGBTQ community? At the work environment?

00:19 Yeah. Back when I was in high school, I worked two jobs and one of my other jobs was at a very close minded place. It was, it was a retail job, but it was very close minded. And this was back when I did use my preferred name. And so only a couple of the managers were supposed to know my birth name, Mia. And more often than not, they would call me by the preferred name and I would respond and it was fine. But there was just one manager who just did not like me. Everyone has one manager like that. Hers, she just, she was praying hard on my downfall and so she found out my birth name and she started to only call me it. Well, that leads a lot of my other close minded co workers to realize Parker was not my birth name. Mia was. So they only started calling me Mia too.

01:13 You gotta keep talking.

01:15 So they all realized that Mia was actually my, my birth name and they only called me Mia. And it got to the point where when you are constantly hearing people call you by name, that you don't feel encapsulates your identity. Because for me it was either they, them pronouns or people calling me Mia. It could not be both because, you know, I knew I wasn't fully a chick. And so hearing people only use she, her for me, or only say Mia for me, that was a struggle. That, that was a toll on my mental health that I did not have room for. So I, you know, I used Parker because that was a more androgynous name that people still could believe someone gave a biological female. And it just made sense for me thinking about it in the long run. And it got to the point where I was like getting into arguments with my manager because I was like, that's not my name. You know, that's not my name. Stop calling me that. And I reported her a bunch of times and nothing could be done. Even though my general manager was actually so sweet. She did what she could and ultimately there was not much she could do. You know, she wrote her up, she couldn't fire her. We were already understaffed. And so there was this older gentleman who heard me and my manager have one of the fights. He was walking right next to the office and so he waited until I was done with my shift and he cornered me outside of the store I was working at and he was saying some things to me and I was already not in the mood and I replied and I should not have. I'm aware of that now. And especially with the way I did it. I was just an idiot. And I'll admit that I was a 17 year old who was just in a really crappy place at the time. And I got in my car and I drove away. And as I'm driving away, I am seeing someone driving close to me that I has been, that's been driving since I was on the road. And I was like, oh. So I drove all the way to my then boyfriend's house and you know, I called him and I was like, hey, help. And you know, it's actually one of the only nice things my boyfriend did for me at the time. I digress. And so he, he got out of his house and he like was with me and I saw that dude, he got out of his car, the older man got out of his car and was walking towards me until my boyfriend came out. And then he got back in his car and he left. And I think one, he realized that wasn't my house and two, with there being an obvious dude coming, he knew he couldn't do anything. Like he was threatening, like he was threatening to when he saw me when he cornered me outside my job. And basically what he was saying along the lines was, I'm going to hell, I'm a sinner, gay people shouldn't exist. He's going to make me straight, he's going to make me into a full woman, stuff like that. You know, he's going to make me fulfill my womanly duties. And I was, I think I antagonized him by responding to him instead of just walking away from him. But at the same time, I shouldn't be expected to take it on the chin and walk away with my head held high and let someone get away with spewing vitriol. How was I supposed to know he was going to be insane? How was I supposed to know that? You know, it's just stuff like that.

04:49 Either way, that doesn't even justify the behavior though, you know what I mean? That's a, that's a grown man. Yeah, he was being like, I'm going to follow this person whose conversation I overheard, I'm going to go literally chase them down.

05:03 And he knew I was a minor too, because that was something my manager did repeat, was, you're a minor, I don't have to listen to you, I'm going To go based off what the government says, what says your name is. And she would. That's what she would repeat. So he knew how old I was or ballpark age how old I was.

05:23 Sorry. This is gonna be like a very odd bounce. Like, you've mentioned a lot that you've had, like boyfriends over time. How do you feel? Like, is there anything different to you between, like, the relationship with you that you've had with women versus the relations you've had with men in your life?

05:42 Yes. With men, more often than not, they are straight. And I do, I know there's going to be a level of education that has to go into. No one has ever. None of that. More often than not, straight men are not used to dating non binary by checks. And so I know that there's a level of education that is going to have to go into it. No one's perfect. No one's going to get it immediately on the first run. And I'm completely aware of that. Whereas with chicks, because we are both Sapphic, there is a level of understanding that we both have. However, it's difficult when, how do I say this? Straight men get a lot more jealous about you talking to both men and women than women get about you talking to men or women. There is that constant thing of, I'm not cheating on you, I just have friends not cheating on, you know, just there's that constant repetition. Whereas with women, they understand. Because you can't expect a bisexual person to just not have any friends. That's not how this works.

07:01 Like, this might seem like a bit of a personal question you don't have to answer, but, like, would you say it's like a lot easier just from that standpoint of, like, understanding of how you feel towards people in a relationship with women in comparison to, like, if you were to date a straight man, like, they don't understand how you would feel the same way about women that they do. Like, is that easier?

07:27 What do you mean? Sorry?

07:28 Like, do, do you find it easier with like that inherent understanding of your feelings towards the same gender when you're dating another woman in comparison to dating, like, a man? Like, you've said yourself, like, they're typically straight guys. Like, do you think it's a lot easier in that aspect for the relationship to start off with that innate understanding versus having to like, start off and be like, hey, it's kind of just how it is?

08:00 50 50. Because my ex was a lesbian, so she wasn't very comfortable with me talking to dudes.

08:08 Really?

08:09 Yes. Yeah. So it was kind of like this weird thing where it was like, no matter who I talked to, with straight dudes, it's kind of like a. More often than not, it can lead to fighting. Whereas with her, talking to a dude was the problem, while talking to girls wasn't because we both had our mutual friend groups and that's how we met. But, like, I think it would be easier having that innate understanding and knowing that automatically. That's hard. Actually, now that I'm saying it, the LGBT community is very biphobic. Whether or not they want to admit it, whether or not they're going to admit it, they're biphobic. It's pretty biphobic. And it's one of those things where it's difficult to have conversations like that unless you are dating a bisexual person. I think if I were to date a bisexual person, having that innate understanding would be 100% easier. But with dating someone who only likes the other, only likes one gender, it's a lot more difficult because there's always going to be an insecurity on their end that you're going to cheat, which I feel like, is that inter. It is biphobia at some. Even if just in a little bit.

09:26 Like, do you feel that that's strengthened because you're bisexual compared to, like, when you date just. Or, like, compared to what you believe it would be if it was like, a straight relationship instead of just seeing, like, if you weren't, like, for example, like, if you weren't bisexual, like, do you think it'd be. It's worsened on their, like, in their eyes of you cheating? Because there's like, quote, unquote, like, more options.

09:50 100%. 100%. But it's also one of those things where if I had said I was bisexual, but I had never been with a girl before, I do think I would still be treated. Treated as 100% straight and there wouldn't be that level of untrustworthiness. I think that's the word I'm looking for.

10:14 Like, concern.

10:16 Yeah.

10:16 In the man's eyes.

10:18 Yes.

10:18 Of like, just because. Like, just to make sure I get it. Like, the way they would see it is, oh, like they're bisexual, but they haven't been with a woman. So I only need a, like, very big air quotes. Like, worry.

10:29 Yeah.

10:29 About other men.

10:31 Yes, 100%. And especially because with my ex, he. I was with a girl before him, but he didn't really take it seriously. So in his eyes, it was, oh, well, she was with a chick once. She's not gonna cheat on me with the girl, it's gonna be with a dude. Even then it would be kind of hot, you know, And I think that's not all CIS dudes or cishet dudes point of view. I know that 100%. But I feel like big. It's a big chunk with like what we were saying earlier, how sexualized lesbianism is.

11:19 Like, how would you feel like your current relationship views, like your bisexuality, like, do they have like a good understanding.

11:26 Of it, you know, Definitely better than my last couple, for sure. I think with me taking the time to come out and say it straight up instead of beating around the bush, I think that definitely helped for both my bisexuality and my non binary. I don't really know how to describe that. But your identity. Yeah, I came out straight out and said it and it wasn't. I was like, this is a no go. You aren't gonna disrespect me on this or this. And I think setting those boundaries straight out before we even started dating was a. Was very beneficial for my mental health. I'll just put it at that.

12:11 No, like communicate just in a relationship in general, communication, like the most important thing 100%. Like, would you say that's like, if you had to tell somebody like how to get through like a relationship in general, like in terms of like how their partner might feel about it, would you say that's like the easiest thing to do? Yeah, just get it out of the way. Just be like, hey, like, before we even do this, this is who I am.

12:38 Yes. Because especially because if they aren't gonna accept that you don't want to be in a relationship with them as it is, and it's like one of those things where it's. People are gonna cheat no matter what. If they have the option to, they will. Being bisexual does not give you a two times boost into cheating. That's not how it works. If they want to, they'll do it. There's nothing you can do that will stop it. So I think that's something you need to. When having that sort of conversation, you need to say that like, no matter what, this is a thing that happens. Straight people cheat in relationships all the time. Bisexual people do not have that advantage.

13:18 How does that conversation go for you if you're okay with talking about that?

13:22 Um, it's one of those things where I think it's best to have it face to face, verbally anyway, just not over text. Whether it be a phone call or FaceTime call, or just being Face to face and just being like, hey, there's something I need to tell you. I am bisexual. I am this. I am that. This is a big part of my identity. It's not a big part of my identity. It's not my personality, but it is who I am important to you. Yeah. And I need that to be respected. Otherwise, this isn't gonna last. We aren't gonna continue doing whatever this is. And then, you know, let open the floor to them. Do they have any questions? And then if they don't do, try to find ways, you know, be like, oh, well, just like. It's just stuff like that, you know, I'm not gonna cheat on you. Not my plan. Don't think that's anyone's plan going into a relationship. But I digress. And just letting it be one of those open lines of communication.

14:19 Has that actually been an issue in past relationships where they're like, you feeling this way about other genders means you are way more likely to cheat on me? Like, has that been a real issue in the past for you?

14:32 Not in that amount of words. It was more just, I think less. It had less to do with my gender identity, my sexuality, and more to do with them and who they were as a person.

14:50 That was just a way for them to, like, project it.

14:53 Yes, very much so.

14:58 Like, how would you describe, like, the overall feeling of being bisexual in a relationship?

15:05 In a relationship, Yeah. I don't think it has.

15:11 Or just like, in general, bisexuality and like, today's environment, um, it's a lot.

15:18 Better now than I think it was when I was younger. I'm a lot. I think it's a mix of me being a lot more comfortable in myself and just knowing who I am. And the fact that people are. When you find the right people, they are a lot more chill about it now than they would be when you were in middle school, which is not shocking. Now that I say it out loud, I think with it in a relationship, there's not much, in my opinion, that's different because to me, I'm still all in with my partner. I'm. There's nothing like, my head won't be swayed, my head won't be turned or anything like that, if that makes sense.

16:05 No, I know what you're saying. I just got one final question. Overarchingly. What would you feel is the most important thing for people to understand about people who are bisexual, who are non binary, just like, members of the LGBT community? What would you say is, like, the most important thing for them to understand. Like those who might not be as aware.

16:31 Tolerance. First of all, they need to be able to hear things that they might not understand and take it and not immediately start fighting because they don't understand it. Other it also seems like that openness. They have to be able to be open and receptive to new information and new ideas, otherwise they're going to be stuck in this cycle of hatred and bigotry. And I think those are probably the biggest two things, because once people start doing that, everyone's going to be a bit happier and they're not stewing in hatred. Yeah.

17:14 All right. Well, thank you so much for your time. Nice talking to you.

17:17 Thank you. This was fun.