I Forgot

00:00 Hi, my name is Sebastiana. I am 18 years old. Today is September 25th, and I'm speaking with Ava, who is my best friend. And we're recording right now in my house, specifically in my room. So, Ava, Hola.

00:16 Hola.

00:17 Can you tell me about one of your happiest moments?

00:20 Okay, this is a loaded question. I think of a lot of things, and, you know, I just have to talk about one of them. So one of the. I guess it's not very. I'm thinking about one of the first times, like, I came into your house, like, your new house, and just. But, like, all of the memories are jumbled up together, and it's just like, I don't know, just being at your house and playing, you know, Smash Bros, obviously, that's a classic. And just, like, just having fun, doing little things, you know?

00:57 I love that you're so, like, entwined with my family, too.

01:01 I feel. You know, I feel like I've been here for a minute, and I really like talking.

01:05 Eight years. Eight years.

01:08 That's actually insane. Like, and at some point, it's gonna be longer than we've, like, it lived. Do you know.

01:13 Do you remember when we first met? I don't think you do.

01:18 Yes, I do. I kind of remember it. Like, I don't remember first seeing you, but I remember, like, talking to you. Like, when we were going to recess, I think, and we were talking about Spider man and creepypastas.

01:27 Yes. And I remember somebody, I think Adriana, asked you, like, hey, is that. Is that, like a. Why do you have a black backpack? And you're like, oh, I'm trying to be more mature. And I was like, wow, that's so crazy.

01:44 I don't remember that at all. Like, I don't remember that being my reasoning at all. Like, I have genuine memory loss in my life. Like, it's a little concerning.

01:53 I remember telling my mom, like, this person's gonna be my best friend. And then we didn't talk really.

01:58 But eventually, I guess it was, like, the one time we hung out without, like, other. I don't even know. I don't even know how we were in friends. Like, I actually don't know. I don't know.

02:07 Yeah, that's true. Well, to be fair, you didn't really hang out unless your mom knew each other.

02:13 Like, I can't comprehend my existence in that time.

02:17 What is. What are you proudest of your. What are you proudest of in your life?

02:24 Probably. Okay, again, multiple things come to mind, but I'm trying to narrow it down. So this is. I don't genuinely. Like, I feel so many things, but probably, I guess, like, my ability to draw, like, I really took pride in it. It's something. I feel like I'm really bad at staying committed to things, and it's something I've been committed to for years now. And it's something that comes also naturally to me, too. Like, I can't even imagine if I actually, like, really trained my brain to learn how to draw. Like, I just feel like I'm just good at it and I like, like doing it. I don't know. That's just one of the things I'm proud of, like, my ability and where I've come. Also, I'm gonna start now. I'm gonna start rambling. Like, I'm gonna start talking about all the things I'm proud of now. It's gonna be 8 million, 5 million bajillion long.

03:12 Would you say you're proud of yourself in general?

03:15 Yes, I would. I'm definitely. Oh, my. I've gone so far with, like, self confidence. Like, before, I would say definitely. Even, like, three years ago, I actually hated myself. And so I'm forgetting about most recent time. Like, I was just, like, giving up a little bit. Just giving up a little bit on life. But I feel like giving that, having that experience wouldn't. I wouldn't have the appreciation I have for, like, now. Because I can't imagine if I, you know, was not alive now. Like, if I wasn't alive right now, that would be insane to me. Like, I mean, I want to be alive, but, like, that. I can't imagine that. Like, that's so disgusting. And I have so much potential, and not even that. I'm just so proud of how far I've come, like, in the environment I've been fucking forced to grow up in. Like, this world is not meant for me. This world is built against me. That sounds a little bit like a four, but it genuinely is. Like, I am a black person. I'm also gay. I'm also.

04:06 Feminine. Presenting.

04:07 Yes. I was gonna. I was also gonna say trans, and then also, like, also a woman, but not really. But that's just insane to me. Like, I'm living life on hard mode, and I really. I've come so far, and I'm excited to go farther.

04:22 Yeah, I. I mean, like, I haven't seen your progress. I love it. I love, like, I love being able to literally remember when you do one way. And it's so nice. And just also, as a person, like just like we grown up together.

04:37 Like it's insane to think about and I can't imagine like interacting with our past selves, like to where we are now. But imagine how we're gonna be in like 10 years. Like that's insane to think about to me. Like, I'm so excited to be at that point in my life. Like, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm. And really I think we're all gonna be successful. Like everything. Everyone in this house.

04:55 Yeah, we're gonna have a beach house, bro. Beach house.

04:59 No, we're getting lit. We're getting. Also we're getting lit with our children. We just. Getting lit. Like I'm just imagining the future. It's just going to be pure litness, greatness. Obviously there'll be struggles. There's struggles in everyday life. So many. But you know, you got to move past that.

05:13 I agree. How has your life been different than what you'd imagined?

05:20 In a lot of ways I have a very unrealistic imagination. Like the. What I. How I imagine my 18 year old life is then. Even like a few months ago, like last September, I thought I would be like dorming in college right now. And I'm doing the complete opposite of that. Like I'm literally in my house and I'm. I keep on missing school because I keep on sleeping in because I keep on staying up to like 3:00am Because I. I don't know, I'm like, I don't know, trying to. It's like escapism. Like there's a whole like meaning as to why people do like that. I already forgot the question. Like, I'm not even kidding. I already forgot. What was the question?

05:53 What has been different than what you'd imagine?

05:56 I just thought I would be in a completely different space right now. I thought I would already also have like a project made. But it's also just like, it's unlike. I have horrible project planning and that's something I'm trying to work better on. I also want to read a book on it, but I don't know what book to read about it. Like I. Because I really. The best way to improve on things for me is like I watch a YouTube video or read a book and it actually does help. Like reading that Michael Hampton book changed my fucking life. But that's also another thing. Like I never expected to be like, like where I'm at skill wise. Like, I feel like I'm. I don't know, like I just didn't expect that Like, I would think I was. It's not a bad thing, but it's also like. It's good. No, I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it. Like, I just didn't expect things to be where they are. But it's not bad. It's not. It's just like, different than what I imagined. But also what I imagine is completely unrealistic. Like, actually completely unrealistic. Like, it's a little insane. But, you know, that's changing. But. And I also made a whole life plan and it's just. It's a whole long thing on my computer and I have to, like, transfer it to something else.

07:02 But you can do it though. Yeah, that's the thing.

07:04 I have.

07:05 You just gotta do it.

07:06 I think I'm a little bit under depression. I'm not even gonna lie. But, you know, it's because I'm stuck in this disgust. Like, home. I hate my home. Sorry, world, but I don't like my home. I hate my parents. Like a lie. Wow.

07:21 Not going to lie at all, bro. Candy salad. Trauma. Candy salad. If you were to die suddenly this evening, what would you regret not having done? Why haven't you done it?

07:36 What would I regret not having done? Honestly? Making a show like, or a comic, Like, I don't know why I haven't made that yet. But also, like, I guess, like, I really don't know. And I guess like posting more, just interacting more, being more of myself. Like, not being embarrassed. But I also wouldn't feel that many regrets. Like, I like the way I've lived my life till now and I think I've done very good with where I am in life. I do think I have to take more of my, like, edgy opportunities, education wise. But I think, like, the career and place I'm going, like, I'm really gonna hone in on my skills, on my art skills and then just like make. I don't think I really need like a degree. Like a traditional route that people take. Like, I feel like I could, you know, get away with my not doing work, but I wish I did more work so I could, like, at least like, go to a college on a scholarship. Like, that would have been lit.

08:31 So, you know, put it in now and you can.

08:33 That's the thing. Like, it's not too late. Oh, I forgot the other part of the question is, why would. Why have you done it? And it genuinely is just because. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I just don't do it. I'm like, it's so far in the future, but the future is now. The future is happening right now, and I need to do it. This is life changing.

08:49 I can relate to that a little bit.

08:51 I don't know how to explain it. Like, I want to do these things so madly, and then I just don't do them. And it drives me insane. Like, it's genuinely my biggest, like, issue right now. And it's like, yeah, it just.

09:02 You just gotta make that one change. And it makes a whole difference.

09:06 It really does. Like, I'm not. I haven't even made it yet, and I can just sense it. And also, I feel like I need to feel the necessity of these things. Like, the urgentness. Like, that's one thing I feel like I'm lacking.

09:19 This is happening now. Yeah. What does your future hold?

09:25 Many things. I didn't. The amount of goals I have is like, I don't know how I'm gonna find the time to do all this shit. Like, genuinely. I want to, like, I want to travel every. I want to see every country in this world. I need to travel. I need to, like, completely explore all of New York and find, like, the hidden meanings of all the buildings and just, like, just a million things. I want to know the lore, the culture, like, 10 times more than I already. Then I would want to know this world. I want to make so many art projects. I want to donate to things I want. Oh, you look like you're dabbing, but not really. What. What was that? It was like. It looked like. Imagine my arm out. It looked like you were sneezing and then you, like, sneezed after. Anyway, donations. I want to donate to literally anything I can. Like, I want to have a large sum of money from the things that I make and, like, what I produce out into the world, but also, like, because I'll also be a firefighter at some point, and I just want to get income from other things and, like, have just save up. But also I want to donate all the time and help as many things I can. I want to protest. I want to be involved in the earth again. I really want to travel. And then I want to, like, document the travelings. Like, I really also want to, at some point in my life, find out. Like, I want to interview people about what they think will happen in the afterlife. And I want to just get everyone in this world, like, out of every place, randomized, like, opinion about what they think. And then I want to make, like, a collection, because I think that Would be really fucking cool. Like, just see what everyone thinks is gonna happen in the end and, like, see if there's like. And really any common themes and. But I think that would be fun. But also I want to learn so many things from other people. I want to gain, like, I want to be like a walking encyclopedia of just cool shit. And again, the amount of projects I have, like, the ideas, and at random times, I'm like, filled with, like, cool ass scenes in my head. I just need to make something. So you're going to see a lot of cool made for me. I want to make more friends. I want to do some, like, I just want to do so many fun things. Like, I just want to do, like, literally anything that's fun I want to do. And like, obviously morally correct. What else?

11:38 Add the morally correct.

11:41 What else? But also, would that even be fun if it's not morally correct for me, no. But, you know, I'm trying to also think fashion. Like, I don't know. You're just gonna see a lit ass things. And I could talk about this physics for so long, but I feel like it's gonna be so long and like, because it really does. That's how my brain. I feel like my brain is like a vortex of information. And sometimes it's, like, hard for me to, like, spot down and think about something truly. But also, it's not. But also it is. I feel like there's always just a lot of stuff going on happening in there. I also just want. I'm so excited to just change and, like, see myself age and grow. Like, you're just gonna. I just. I'm. Yeah, yeah. Also a lot of positivity. I want to spread love. That's one thing I want to do. I'm. Enough with the hate. That's also why I'm trying to, like, kind of make amends with my family. But it's so difficult. Like, Lila's so annoying.

12:37 I just had no hate.

12:38 No, but she's really, again, really difficult. Sorry. A lot of you reading this, like, you are actually one of the most annoying people on this planet. And it's a little insane. Like, she actually has the most annoying. Okay, okay, we're getting a little off topic. Imagine I came up to you and asked you, would you die for me in a fire? Like, would you see me if it was in fire?

12:57 Yes. I wouldn't.

12:58 Okay, but, like, I don't. Why is Lila ask me those questions? Like, you know my answer. Okay, you're gonna get down when I say no. Please. I'm sorry.

13:06 Get back. What are your hopes for me? For my children?

13:11 For you? Yes. Oh, my God. No. Oh, my God. I actually want you guys to, like, conquer the world. Like, I. But not even that. Like, I want you guys to just be safe and happy and everything and just have just positivity. Like, just a lit.

13:25 The way you looked at me scared.

13:27 Me a little bit because I'm worried. Like, I'm worried about, like. Because it's just like, wow. Like, that's such a loaded. Like, these are a lot of load questions that I need to think about. And I feel like I'm talking too quickly. Like, I feel like I really need to sit and think about this, but I'm really just going off the top of the head here. And I literally, like, I would probably die for all your children and you and James. Honestly, like, I was just thinking about that. I just want nothing but goodness. Like, genuinely just nothing but goodness and litness and positivity. And I hope all your kids, they're super successful, and I know you're gonna be successful, and I can't wait to meet them. And I just hope nothing but goodness. But I can't even. Like, how am I supposed to name specific things? Like, I want to go and, like, lit us holiday trips with you guys. I want to just do. I just want to be around you guys. But not even, like, from my perspective of me, like, interacting with you guys just for you guys yourselves. I want you guys to go and do, like, amazing things and just have be happy always and, like, learn from your lessons. And I already know you're going to be led as parent. I, like, I'm envisioning it like Fuller House, but I want it 10 times better than that.

14:25 Yeah, we actually live Fuller House now. This is where I turn the tables. And I tell you what you mean to me. Because literally, bro, actually, I can't even imagine not having you in my life. Like, I can't imagine me, too. I would be a whole different person. What would I be doing right now?

14:43 I can't think about, like, I can't.

14:44 Imagine, you know, how much free time I would not. Like, I would have, bro. I mean, this is free time. I enjoy being with you. I mean, I wouldn't be do nothing. I would be do nothing. I would be do nothing.

14:58 We do nothing.

14:59 We do nothing.

15:00 But also, like, we work together.

15:02 Like, I love working with you. I'm so, like, I can. I can't remember not because I used to work without you, and I can barely remember that time cuz it's like bro, you work with me. We're. We're working besties.

15:15 I also think we also have a little bit of memory loss. We need to like.

15:19 I don't.

15:19 Do you think you have ever lost?

15:21 No, I think actually have a really good.

15:23 I'm.

15:23 I know all 27amendments actually.

15:25 Okay. But not that like I remember all the time like you and James like get into to like a little smash because you're remembering the story wrong or he's remembering the story wrong. It's just like I'm always just. Just concerns me because I actually cannot remember like if someone actually remember the specific details of the situation. I'm like sorry bro, there's too much going on in this noggin. But also there's also like. Okay.

15:47 Too much going on. Yeah. Honestly sometimes I forget things. But okay, that's how it is.

15:52 All right, bye.