"I mean there were a lot of things we did that were good experiences... But yet I still remember that feeling of loss"

Recorded April 20, 2020 Archived April 20, 2020 08:10 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: APP2248356

Description

Subject C shares her experience with her half brother of his drug misuse and how that affected herself and her entire family

Rhian: “Okay so, who was the person misusing drugs in your family?”

Subject C: “It was my older half brother, Gary, he was 13 years older than I was”

Rhian: “Did they ever lie about their addiction to any of the family members?”
Subject C: “I was really young at the time, so that’s tough for me to answer. Um, but, it seemed to me that everyone knew there were big problems”

Rhian: “Did you or anyone else in your family see them misuse drugs?”

Subject C: “No, not to my knowledge”

Rhian: “Did they ever steal from the family to get money for their addiction?”

Subject C: “Yes. I can remember, of course because it was probably the last time I ever was physically like near him, like he was living in the house. I was probably 8 or 9ish, and I had my wallet go missing. And I had 20 some dollars, so for an 8 year old back in that time that was a lot of money I had saved and I kept telling my parents, “Mom my wallet disappeared” and um, they just thought that I had lost it. They didn’t really believe that anything else had happened. And then um the one summer when he was there we went away on vacation for two weeks and we came back and we had found the house had been robbed.And they had stolen our silver, our engraved baby cups, our silverware, and it has been a result of him and his friends. And we never recovered any of the things that had been stolen. And in searching his room, because he ran away after that, um they found my empty wallet. So he had stolen my wallet, and stolen my money. And uh I have not seen him since that day.”

Rhian: “Um, how did their addiction affect your family?”

Subject C: “My mom was my father’s second wife, his first wife had died several years prior to that and um, so I witnessed a lot, there was a lot of fighting, a lot of yelling a lot of yelling and screaming. I was young at the time but I can remember episodes just of the screaming and me crying and my older brother kept running out of the house. There was- that was probably when I was around 5ish he, at that point, had run away for several years and didn’t return again until the next episode I said before when I was probably, maybe, no I was probably a little older maybe 10, 11ish.”

Rhian: “How did this affect your relationship with them?”

Subject C: “With my- with that particular brother? Well of course because of the- I basically lost him because of that. When he had come back, when I was around 11 or 12ish, he was a really cool older brother at the time. He used to take me and younger siblings to Valley Forge national park and we used to play all these great games like um, you know like, mazes and hill and capture the flag, and we used to do all sorts of things outside together. We used to have little secret things in the car. He used to drive a VW bug. We hunted sasquatch, we went, he took me, to go get pizza. So there was a lot of things we did together when he had initially come back to the house. He went out with me and helped me to buy my first record album, which was “Foreigner 4”. He introduced me to a lot of rock music at the time. So at that point in time I was I think 5th or 6th grade, 10, 11 years old, he became an important figure in my life for a period of time. So when we had, as I said, when we had gone on vacation we came back to find the house had been robbed, him disappeared and run away, to find and had stolen my money, you know that was, that was a very breaking experience for me.”

Rhian: “How did you end up coping with the situation?”

Subject C: “Um I don’t, there was nothing in particular that I would say happened as a result of this. I mean I’ve always been tough and you just move on. But I had also solidified in my mind that I was never going to do drugs, because I believe that it was heroin he has been… ramped up on.”

Rhian: “Did they ever get into any fights or arguments with your other family members?”

Subject C: “Um yeah as I said there was a lot of screaming between, there was a lot of like loud arguments with them, I think partially trying to reason with him and help him, but he just didn’t want the help”

Rhian: “Was there anything or anyone who helped you deal with the situation?”

Subject C: “I can’t, no I just moved on”

Rhian: “Would you or your family ever help them again?”

Subject C: “Well, we did in a way, um he still for many years, or I think there was some incidents after that where my dad helped him out again, he got himself in some more trouble years on. And although he never came back, and we never physically saw him again I believe my father still tried to help him a couple of times. He used to call my father every year on my father’s birthday. Um he still kept in touch, I have a second half brother who's much older, so he had kept in touch with his full brother, who tried to help him a lot along the way. So every once in a while I would speak with him on the telephone. Every once in a while I would get a letter out of the blue from him, not very often. But I haven’t spoken to him, and I have no grudges against him. Like he did, you know he did call and I have spoken with him, granted many many years ago, but I hold no grudge. But he moved on and I never really felt of any need to reopen that relationship again.

Rhian: “Is there anything you wish you could go back and change?”

Subject C: “Um, you know I don’t know if there was anything I could have changed. I was just too young. However in talking with my mom more recently, my father passed away many years ago now, but uh my mom felt that he definitely had some kind of attention deficit disorder, he definitely has probably some- he definitely had some kind of learning disability cause he always did poorly in school. So I think if I could’ve done anything I wished that we would’ve had the resources back then that we do now, that maybe he would’ve gotten help at school or help from counselors, I think he did have, I did think they did try to get him counselors. But things that he might’ve had then that are more commonplace now. And the fact that you know I can’t change the fact that he was, you know, I think 13ish or so, when he lost- his mother died of cancer. I just wish- there had been more help available for him when he was young.”

Rhian: “Was there anything specific that stuck with you throughout the experience?”

Subject C: “I mean, I think still a lot of good memories, you know I said going and playing capture the flag at Valley Forge park. I mean there were a lot of things we did that were good experiences. But yet I still remember that feeling of loss when you know someone who you trust steals from you. So there’s a balance good and bad

Rhian: “Alright, thank you for sharing”

Subject C: “You’re very welcome”

Participants

  • Rhian Freire

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