In Conversation With: Princess Jereza

Recorded June 1, 2018 Archived June 1, 2018 15:36 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: APP500817

Description

An interview with Princess in which she opens up about her mother's life, the hardships of coping, and her hope for the future. You will cry.


[TRANSCRIPT]

[JORELL] Hello. My name is Jorell Deleon and I am at Miramar Lake and today is May 31st, 2018. I will be conducting an interview with Princess Jereza.

[PRINCESS] Oh yuh, is it recording? Alright, let’s do this.

[JORELL] So Princess, the first thing I want to ask you is, how are you?

[PRINCESS] Good, I’m good.

[JORELL] That’s good.

[PRINCESS] Com on, Jorell.

[JORELL] Okay so, when did your mother pass away Princess?

[PRINCESS] March 12, 2018. So yeah, a few months ago.

[JORELL] Very recently huh? So, how did she pass away?

[PRINCESS] Oh well, she died from Sepsis. Do you know what Sepsis is?

[JORELL] No, what’s that?

[PRINCESS] It’s an infection. A blood infection from like, I guess, past surgeries, well, in my mom’s case, yeah.

[JORELL] Okay. Did you ever see this coming at all?

[PRINCESS] Honestly, yeah. My mom would tell me stories, or like, tell how she was sick before she had me. She had me when she was like 42, I think. And she was already diagnosed with diabetes. And she already had some liver disease before she had me so when she had me it got worse.

[JORELL] So you were kind of expecting it huh?

[PRINCESS] Yeah, I just knew she was never gonna stay here for a long time.

[JORELL] So, did it come to a surprise at least, for you? Were you shocked when she passed away?

[PRINCESS] Yeah, it just happened all of a sudden. But, I thought I had more time.

[JORELL] Alright, was there anything she said that you will always remember?

[PRINCESS] I think, even though this is personal but … the last thing she said, ever, before she went into a coma, well she said it in Tagalog, was to never go to my dad. Well backstory, my mom and dad never had a great relationship and well my dad left us, or yeah, he left us. And he only came back whenever my mom asked him to like, begged him to come back. So when, well I saw it coming anyway, she told me even when she was alive to never ever go to him. Because she said that him and his family would use me. I still don’t know what that means but, I just knew that they would never care for me and take care of me just like how my mom would take care of me back when she was alive. I guess, okay.

[JORELL] Okay. What do you miss the most about your mom?

[PRINCESS] Honestly, I miss her voice. I don’t know, I just miss hearing her talk to me, just saying my name. Just like, “How are you?” or a simple “Hey, what do you want to eat for today?” Ever since… I don’t want to cry.

[JORELL] It’s okay.

[PRINCESS] Ever since, she passed, every night, I try to think of like the phrases she would say to me, like in her voice, so that I won’t forget her voice, ever. I try to find videos of her talking. So, just in case, I don’t know, I just don’t want to forget how she sounded plus I think the reason why I miss her voice so much is cause when I was a lot younger, she would sing to me all the time. Like in Tagalog, she would sing like, Filipino songs when she would watch like, Showtime or GMA.

[JORELL] Right. So, her voice really calms you down sometimes?

[PRINCESS] Yeah.

[JORELL] Okay. What was one memorable moment you shared with your mom?

[PRINCESS] Hm, this may not be deep but, past summer, summer of 2017, we went to Great Wolf Lodge. It’s like, a water park and I took her to one of the slides. I don’t know. It wasn't a mistake but, it was just a surprise. But anyway, beforehand, I would always ask her beforehand, if we ever went to an amusement park, I would take her to a roller coaster ride. She’d say, “No I'm too scared. I can’t do that. I’m not that young anymore.” She had dentures, so she would say, “My teeth would fall out.” And then at Great Wolf Lodge, so I took her on a slide, she just screamed so loud, but like, not a bad way but, out of, I guess, excitement, fear from going down the slides. And I don’t know, that just made me laugh.

[JORELL] Did she like the slide though, afterwards?

[PRINCESS] Yeah, we were both laughing after. Yeah, just makes me capture a moment of like, fun in her life, throughout like, the stress and hardship that she goes through.

[JORELL] Okay. So the next question I want to ask is, What’s the best piece of advice your mother ever gave you?

[PRINCESS] Always be nice to people. Because you don’t know what they could go through during their day or their lifetime. I mean, I try to replicate that, I try to be as nice as possible. But, I know that I can be a, I’mma say it anyway, a bitch.

[JORELL] That’s not true.

[PRINCESS] Aw, well, lies. But anyway, I try to be as nice as I can. Because I greet people good morning every night. Or, not everyday, in the morning and then I always say to people, “Get home safe, drive safe, have a good night.” Just because, I hope people, I don’t know, bring that positivity into their life. I don’t know.

[JORELL] Okay. So, is it getting harder for you or easier as the days go by?

[PRINCESS] Honestly, it gets easier. But, I get to deal with the pain. Like, in my life, I just well, from the words of Mr Christensen, try to find some normalcy in your life again. Because I try to deal with like going to school, dealing with friends and family, but just, without her in my life again, or anymore. I definitely have my hard moments, it’s a weird thing but, every Monday, well she passed on a Monday, and every night around 5 or 6, when she passed away, I will start thinking about her. I’d cry myself to sleep at night. The worst days come when its like, Sunday night. Monday morning, and then, my thoughts and feelings start to jumble around towards Monday night and then I just… I get flashbacks of the day she died. I.... I… always see her take her last breath and that’s what I always remember every Monday night. But, I digress. But, it gets easier for me because I know I have people that have my back, that will always take care of me, and make sure that I’m okay.

[JORELL] So, you have friends that have helped you through this?

[PRINCESS] You of course, you always check up on me, so thank you Jorell.

[JORELL] You’re welcome. Okay, so the next question I want to ask is, what is one thing you want to tell your kids about their late grandmother? Because obviously SHE won't be able to meet them, so what's one thing you want to tell them about her?

[PRINCESS] Hm. Well, I feel like, I guess, she was the last memory I have, or not memory but, like that last foothold of my Filipino culture. Like, I’ve always wanted, or, I don’t know if I’m answering the question correctly--

[JORELL] It’s okay.

[PRINCESS] But, because of her I would love to connect deeper to my culture. Because when she passed, I’m forgetting like, my speech in Tagalog and culture-wise, like com on, TFC and GMA are like-- the footholds of Filipino culture and media. But I'd love to, because of her, I’d want to go to the Philippines and--

[JORELL] Connect to your roots?

[PRINCESS] Yeah. And I want my children to have their Filipino roots because of their late grandmother.

[JORELL] Okay. If there was one last thing you were able to tell your mother before she passed away, what would it be?

[PRINCESS] Well, I already said my last words on the following days before she passed, but--

[JORELL] What did you say?

[PRINCESS] Oh, I was just like, thank you for being a great mother… I don’t want to cry…

[JORELL] It’s okay.

[PRINCESS] As like, I don’t know, humorous, I said, I’m sorry I’m not the scholar you wanted me to be. I told her… I’ll be fine if you go, because… I’ll be okay. I have people that love me and care for me… and I-I’ll be okay knowing that you’ll finally find peace after this whole life. But, the one thing I never told her is, it’s not that deep… I never told her that I got my driver’s license since four days before she passed, I passed my driver’s license, or my driver’s test and I never got to tell her in person that I got my license. She only knew through my sister and my mom knew that I always wanted to take her out when I had my license. I always told her that I was gonna take her out on a date to get, I don’t know, Phở or like, go to the movies, but, legally when I had my license. But--

[JORELL] I think your mother would be very proud of you Princess, okay? She’d be very proud of who you are as a person right now, okay? So next question I want to ask is, what’s something you’re very proud about your mom?

[PRINCESS] Well, she made me so that's… Just kidding. She raised good children, good grandchildren, like y’know, how hard life was for her and she raised us, without like I guess, even graduating high school and she was able to like, see us grow for as long as she can.

[JORELL] Okay.

[PRINCESS] I can’t even think right now.

[JORELL] So, another question I want to ask is, what’s a piece of advice you’d like to give to someone who might be going through the same hardship as you are?

[PRINCESS] It gets easier but, you have to know that life goes on with or without your loved one. You just have to find some ground that you can just focus and just know that you have people that have you and care about you and they’ll be there for you no matter what. But, just know that you have to take time for yourself and find some normalcy in your life. Try to find a balance where you can just focus on yourself and your future but try not to forget about who you were or your life back when your loved one was still there.

[JORELL] Okay. Do you have hope that one day you’ll be able to see your mom again?

[PRINCESS] Yeah, like, I try to, I don’t know, I--

[JORELL] Imagine it?

[PRINCESS] Yeah, I imagine it, I hope that one day she comes to my dreams. But, I haven’t seen her lately-- Well, storytime, a few days, or a week, or I think it was a week after she passed, I saw her in my dream. I think I tried to say thats her. I think we were dancing and she’s like in a yellow dress. But, I haven’t seen her in awhile. I thought that if back in my old place, where my mom used to live, I would sleep on her bed and I tried to surround myself with like, her clothes, her things, I’ll sleep on her bed and hopefully she’ll just come back to me. And like, I’ll randomly like, hear her voice or just see her in my dreams, my head, but now I just, barely even, I don’t know, see her.

[JORELL] Okay. So, when you do get to see her again, what's the first thing you want to say to her?

[PRINCESS] I miss you so much mom… Like, when I get scared, sometimes at home, I just look up to the ceiling and I will just say, “I need you so much. I can’t really handle this without you. But, I’ll try to be okay and then”-- I forgot the question now.

[JORELL] It’s okay. I just asked you, what was the first thing you’d want to say to your mom, or do with your mom at least.

[PRINCESS] I-I-I’ll just say that I miss her, or I miss her so much and I--

[JORELL] Take her out on a date? To Phở? Okay so, another question I want to ask is, describe your mother’s life in three words.

[PRINCESS] Aw man. Oh, crap, okay. Stressful. But she was very Loving. And Patience. That’s it, she was very patient.

[JORELL] Okay. So, how are your sibling coping with-- Or your family at least, coping with your mother’s loss? How did they fare?

[PRINCESS] Well, I think they’re doing way better than me. They even told me themselves that, I was going to have it the hardest because I was the youngest and I never really had a full lifetime with her, unlike them, because they’re like, 30 years old and they've-- She’s seen them grow like through, like their childhood and adulthood. Like, they've-- she’s seen them go through relationships, and marriages, and kids, and she’s only been there for me for like, only 16 years.

[JORELL] Well you know what Princess, you know what I think? I think she’s looking down from above and she’s able to see all the great things you’re going to accomplish in your life, okay?

[PRINCESS] Thank you, Jorell.

[JORELL] I bet she’s very proud of who you are, okay? So, the last thing I want to ask is, what was your mother’s name?

[PRINCESS] Cecilia. Cecilia Bautista Jereza.

[JORELL] Cecilia Bautista Jereza.

[PRINCESS] Yeah.

[JORELL] Okay. So, that concludes my interview with Princess Jereza. Thank you again. I really appreciate it. I know how much of a touchy subject this is for you but, I really appreciate you opening up like this. Okay?

Participants

  • Jorell Deleon
  • Princess Jereza
  • Cecilia Bautista Jereza

Interview By