Jane Swersey and Arthur Swersey

Recorded March 5, 2020 Archived March 5, 2020 43:12 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: ddc002529

Description

Jane Swersey (60) and her husband Arthur Swersey (80) talk about how they met on match.com, their courtship and wedding, and how much they are in love.

Subject Log / Time Code

AS and JS remember first meeting on match.com
AS remembers when JS told him the story of her rape, and how much that affected him.
JS remembers how AS proposed to her. AS remembers how much his legs were shaking.
JS talks about saving the emails between the two of them.
JS talks about how hard her childhood was, and how AS has told her things she was wanting to hear her entire life.

Participants

  • Jane Swersey
  • Arthur Swersey

Recording Locations

New Haven Free Public Library

Venue / Recording Kit

Partnership Type

Fee for Service

Transcript

StoryCorps uses Google Cloud Speech-to-Text and Natural Language API to provide machine-generated transcripts. Transcripts have not been checked for accuracy and may contain errors. Learn more about our FAQs through our Help Center or do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you have any questions.

00:05 My name is Arthur swersey. I'm 80 years old.

00:10 Today is Thursday, March 5th, 2020. And where in New Haven, Connecticut.

00:18 And I'm having an interview with my wife Jane.

00:22 My name is Jane swersey. I am 60 years old and today is Thursday, March 5th, 2020. We are in New Haven Connecticut and I am interviewing my husband Arthur shwarz.

00:41 So, my name is James Worthy and I am 60 years old and I was born and raised on Long Island in New York and I was a high school history teacher for 34 years. I'm currently retired and

00:58 Currently working on researching and writing about the woman suffrage movement. I'm here today at storycorps because I want to tell the story of

01:09 Arthur and me when I thought I was going to get married. I always thought I was would marry somebody close in age somebody close in proximity and someone who had kids the same age as my kids and instead I married somebody who lived in a state away.

01:33 Much older than me, and I'm did not have children. So I wanted to tell our story because you never know where you're going to find true love.

01:45 So with that, I will ask Arthur would you introduce yourself?

01:51 My name is Arthur swersey. I'm 80 years old. I grew up in the Bronx near the Yankee Stadium.

02:00 In September of 1976

02:04 I came to yell to the School of Management and I had a one-year appointment as a visiting lecturer. My field is operations research where we build mathematical models of things.

02:20 And when I came to the School of Management

02:25 I asked him if there was any possibility that the appointment would be for longer than one year.

02:32 And they said absolutely not.

02:35 42 years later I retired from the same school. So I think

02:44 There's a lot of luck involved in life and one has to take advantage of being in the right place at the right time.

02:55 Buy work

02:57 Is about mathematical modeling the most recent paper. I wrote was about predicting the severity of prostate cancer from biopsy in a biopsy. You have a sample.

03:10 And you may find some amount of cancer and you need to predict.

03:15 The amount of cancer that's actually in the prostate and so I wrote a paper about that and published it recently about predicting how much cancer is actually in the prostate based on the biopsy.

03:32 Could you tell me how you found me? Well, it's interesting because one Sunday afternoon. I was in my office.

03:42 And I had been on match.com for a little while and originally when I went on match.com.

03:51 My heading was Yale professor.

03:56 And they didn't allow that they evidently thought it was too specific.

04:02 Until I changed it to Ivy League professor in New Haven and that seemed to do the trick and so I was looking at

04:12 Sort of the usual people that I had seen before I match.com within 25 miles of New Haven and I was in my mid-60s and the age is age span that I put in was from

04:29 The women I was looking for were from late 50s to actually 70 which was older than I which I imagine.

04:39 Was impressive for people to read for women to read there's this guy who's actually looking for someone even older than he and

04:53 But then I decided to increase the distance from 25 miles to 50 miles and on match.com. The distance is measured as the crow flies and even though driving distance was much longer.

05:08 You came up and I saw your photo.

05:13 And I thought wow.

05:16 She's beautiful and I read your profile or at least most of it. Mainly I focused on your photo. I have to admit that but I read most of your profile and when I saw that you had three young boys. I thought that I needed to think about it.

05:36 And so that was it from my point of view and then the next thing.

05:43 The next day, I think I got an email from you. What what did you say? So I was sitting at the computer in my basement in the house on Long Island, and I was looking at the people who looked at me and I saw your profile and I saw that you would look in the end.

06:03 I didn't know and I looked at your profile and I saw ivy league Professor with that. I just kind of went past that because we're really struck me was the fact that you love to wear orange and tell him that you were tap dancing. And so I was curious so I emailed you back and said why are you looking at me?

06:26 That was a time when I was taking tap dancing classes said it was it was great fun. And I was the only man in a class of 20 women.

06:37 And I always never said that women never said anything but I always imagined that they

06:43 Thought it was pretty good that this older man was tap-dancing while their husbands were sitting on the couch watching TV.

06:53 And so

06:57 I responded to your first email. What did you think of the email and I sent it?

07:05 Well, I was very pleased cuz I didn't I thought it was in the ball was in my court and I thought I would have to decide whether to pursue you or not. And so you made that decision for me and so I thought

07:23 So we started talking on the phone. What do you remember about our first conversation? I remember that we emailed a little bit before we talked on the phone. And then I remember being really nervous when we talked and I didn't have I didn't know what to talk about and then you said something about Kazakhstan and I thought all right. I can handle this now. So why we started talkin about Kazakhstan, I don't remember but I remember when I hung up the phone I immediately emailed you a map of Kazakhstan what one thing about your interest in history has always been

08:04 Is always been good for me because when we go visit places whether it's England or France or

08:13 Any other place you always fill me in on the history of that place. So that's been a

08:21 A big plus for me. It's always a lot of fun to hear. You describe what the places were. Like. I wish I could say the same about math and what you've helped me.

08:38 Remember what your impressions were the first time you heard each other's voice. Oh, yes.

08:46 In fact, that was my first if you said to me, what do I remember from the first conversation?

08:53 I remember James I remembered I remember your Long Island accent.

08:59 And as people can now tell it's not that strong. But to me I could tell I know you were from Long Island. Then I remember your accent that we were both nervous and I don't remember much detail about the conversation except what you sounded like, I don't remember what you sounded like like I don't remember having an impression of but you sounded like I was more impressed when

09:29 When we first met cuz you sent me pictures of you, but I I never thought you looked like the pictures. So I remember when we first met and and you were standing by the ferry and I came driving down and I thought that's him. That's him. And I remembered she's so much taller than I thought. So I remember more about that than I do. But I feel like I remember before we met you sent me this wonderful picture of yourself. Not the one that was on Match.

10:03 At it

10:06 Literally took my breath away and

10:11 And I also remember

10:14 We were going back and forth for a month or so.

10:19 And you had told me something.

10:22 I don't remember how long it took for you to tell me this, but you told me something very very personal. You told me that.

10:33 When you were in the Caribbean?

10:37 You were raped.

10:40 +

10:45 And that story had a tremendous impact on me, and I remember driving from Branford.

10:54 To New Haven and it was a terrible rainy day.

10:59 And I thought of that story.

11:03 And I started to cry.

11:06 And it was then that I realized that.

11:11 I was falling for you, even though we had not yet met each other which was pretty extraordinary cuz I have been married twice before I've had a lot of relationships.

11:26 But I had never fallen in love and romantic love.

11:31 Until I met you so you were my first love. I remember that you emailing me about driving in the car in the rain and I really think cuz I had never told anyone that was my biggest secret ever. And so you are the first person I really shared that secret with and your response.

11:55 Change my life because I found out that I could trust I mean it was difficult cuz we were riding back and forth and had met you yet. But there was the basis of trust that was forming that was has been one of the most important parts of you and one of the things I love most about you.

12:18 Well, it wasn't what you said Arthur. It was the email that you wrote because it was such a tender email and you were telling me that you were driving in the car and that it was raining and there was just such empathy in that that I felt you knew.

12:37 What a horrible situation it was for me and and you cared I never ever thought so nude cake.

12:45 And you cared and I thought I want to meet this person. What do you remember about our first date?

12:55 So

12:56 Many many things but I remember we had a picnic and I remember we were we had a picnic on the beach on the North Shore of Long Island, and I remember you.

13:09 Kind of leaning on your elbow and just I remember how easy it was for you to talk to me. You just kept telling me story after Story the two that stand out our own Uncle Louie. You would tell me about Uncle Louie and then you were telling me about the Red Sox game and your father and I'm always so introverted and I think I am but I don't reveal much about myself and I just marveled at the fact how easy it was for you to talk and how funny you were like the stories were not I do lots of serious history story, but you were you were quite charming and endearing I'll go Louis was Louis Kahn and

13:56 My brother and I

13:58 He was our favorite uncle he was our Bachelor uncle and

14:05 We loved him as much as we loved our parents. I remember when he died. We were in Florida and we're standing by the grave site and the rabbi said

14:18 Kind of looked at us.

14:20 And gave a signal. Do you want to say anything?

14:24 And my brother and I were just overcome and we realized we couldn't say anything.

14:30 We had such feeling for Uncle Louie, but I remember that first date I was nervous and we drove to Easthampton which was an hour or so away from your house and we were looking for remember we were looking for a place.

14:50 To eat and we went into one place and couldn't get in table anything. Finally we decided to go to a place called Journeys and Journeys is a

15:03 Was a little run down at the moment. These days gurneys is much nicer is much nicer and we had dinner.

15:12 And I had taken the ferry to Long Island and driven my

15:19 My my car and we are waiting for the valet to deliver the car.

15:26 And I remember holding you and

15:30 Kissing you.

15:33 And that was

15:36 A wonderful time and I knew that the last Ferry was at 9.

15:41 And I missed it. I probably missed it on purpose.

15:47 And so I stayed overnight and I remember.

15:51 Same something to you that night I said.

15:57 You need someone to love you.

16:00 And I felt that.

16:02 Hopefully I was going to be that person. Well, I think you said I remember you putting your arms around me. We were standing by the window and you said to me you need someone to love you, and I thought you said after that that and I need someone to love.

16:21 So I was smitten. I am still smitten. I was smitten men and it was just like you. You have a knack for always saying the right thing when I need to hear it. So I thought that was a wonderful first date.

16:38 And I remember your needs and what are you remember about?

16:44 The time I proposed n

16:48 How much later was it from the time that we met?

16:53 So it was a short time later it was so we met in April. I still have that Ferry ticket stub when you came down we met in April and then we went to England on the 4th of July. So we were in London and then we went over to the Cotswolds and I remember the day you propose we had gone on a picnic. So we had walked up this long road and then there was this open field and we decided that's where we're going to have her pick picking up was on it a kind of like on a plateau and I remember you to look to the west and you can see the mountains of Wales.

17:37 +

17:39 But you stood up and when you stood up I stood up and you said to me.

17:46 I have something to ask you.

17:52 I can tell you that my legs were shaking.

17:56 It was the most nervous I've ever been.

18:00 I always wanted to propose I had been married twice before but in neither of those cases that I proposed and I always wanted to

18:12 I think I thought about getting down on a knee but somehow I stood up instead, but my knees were shaking.

18:22 +

18:25 It was an emotional time and anybody who knows me has heard the story because when you said I have something to ask you I stood there and I kept it kept running through my head. He's going to ask me to marry him. He's going to text me but it took so long and I was up on the top of this hill and I can see so far away and I honestly honestly thought the world the Earth stopped it stop that brief moment in time. It was just you and me and the world to stop.

19:03 And I didn't even hesitate I just said yes, I just said yes.

19:09 Because I remember after that first air for a first date.

19:13 I really really felt I could trust you and then it was the most important thing to me plus detect incent.

19:24 So then it was after then when I got you a ring, which is also something that I had never done before.

19:33 I've never gotten anyone in the gagement ring, and I got you a ring in that was exciting.

19:41 +

19:43 It was more than a year. We had to plan our wedding. It was more than a year. Later.

19:51 And we took dancing lessons. It was nice because we did the first dance and usually when people do the first dance they kind of get up and Shuffle back and forth, but we had actually learn to do the foxtrot. I think you learn to do the foot dance to Justin time. It's a song from the Broadway musical the Bells Are Ringing. It's also important in your teaching.

20:25 The concept of just in time

20:29 That's true in manufacturing.

20:33 But some people may know the words were just in time. I found you just in time before my time was running low.

20:44 And it's exactly how I felt that we had a wonderful wedding. We went to the British Virgin Islands for honeymoon.

20:56 What do you remember about?

20:59 That where we were located and what the place was like.

21:06 Was enchanted

21:08 Because we were in this.

21:12 Cottage that was up again on top of the hill so we had a beautiful view and Vista and it was just born and sunny and tropical we went down to the beach and they had no fresh fish cooking on the beach was a great honeymoon.

21:32 And then went out and then we came back and it was it was difficult for me when we came back from her honeymoon because you were living in New Haven and I was still living on Long Island. So then all of that commuting begin and I think that was the hardest I think that was one of the most difficult things about after we got married is that is that I didn't see you all the time. I would say to people that what we really do see each other a lot because you are vacations didn't coincide with mine. So I would have a week with you and then of course the Summers but there were times I really wished we were living together.

22:14 Well, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I didn't feel that way. I thought it was it would have been a lot nicer if we had been living together. And finally we can talk about that a little later. We we move together we moved in together.

22:34 But

22:37 I don't know if I've ever asked you this but what do you like about me? I know what I like about you and I can tell you but what do you like about me?

22:49 I don't think there's anything I like about you. I think everything about you. I truly love about you and I love your patience with me and I love how kind you are. No, I'm the one who gets crazy all the time. And I'm the one who gets excited and angry and you are just so patient with me and your kind with me and you're such a sensitive soul and

23:17 Each of those qualities just tugs at my heart.

23:22 An n n i e. I I don't think I've ever had such respect for a person as I do for you.

23:31 Well, I could tell you what I like about you. First of all.

23:35 You're beautiful.

23:38 You're kind and nurturing and and warm and smart. I remember when I first introduced you to my brother's family and my sister-in-law Alice. I asked her. What did you think of Jade? And she said she's lovely.

23:57 +

23:59 That's usually the way people respond to you with that simple. Thought she's lovely.

24:08 I know you have some interesting tattoos, of course cuz they're on your arm and I see them many many times a day, but what led you to get those tattoos?

24:24 To the first tattoo I got was just your signature you had a stamp for I guess when you work in a trend you had to stay up and you would just use that signature stamp and

24:41 So we were because you were living in New Haven and I was living on Long Island and I didn't see you all the time. And at one point you were sick and I honestly didn't know how sick you were one time. I brought the three boys up and it was Valentine's Day and we came to see you and I think it had the flu and I had no idea. So when another time when you got sick, I was worried cuz I wasn't near you. I didn't know how bad you were feeling. So I took that stamp and I use that for the first tattoo and so it cuz I always thought I would always have Arthur swersey would always always literally and figuratively be a part of me.

25:31 And then the second one just followed because it just seemed to go with the other one. So the second one says I think it says all my love forever. So the second one was

25:46 You sent when I retired you wrote me this beautiful cart about my teaching and and retiring and I always thought it was a love letter really and you ended that with all my love forever. And I thought that's the perfect correlation with your name. So I just added that because that cuz it's it's it's it it can never be erased that ink is there it's permanent and you are a permanent part of my life.

26:20 You want to tell me about your tattoo?

26:24 Might had a I have a tattoo of a chess Knight.

26:29 When I was young I got it when I was about 18 years old and my favorite TV show was Richard Boone who was Paladin the TV show. They still show it. We saw it in Miami when we were there.

26:46 Who's called Have Gun Will Travel?

26:49 +

26:51 He was a knight in shining armor and the symbol that he put on his card was a chest piece.

27:01 The horse the chest night and so I have that tattoo on my shoulder.

27:09 But your tattoos are more interesting and I know

27:13 I've never raced your emails, but that's only because

27:17 I don't erase I don't delete email. So I have tens of thousands of emails in my inbox including all of yours. But do you have more from me for more from like Macy's more from where Macy's you know the advertisement email for a while. I just have all kinds of emails, but I know you save e-mails. I haven't always in a file. I have a I have one file that's emails you sent me and then I have another file of emails I sent you.

27:53 And I have all the way as far back as we can go cuz I don't really have the first ones from match.com but I started saving the emails shortly thereafter and I have them up until

28:07 You know, January 4th, February 1st January of this year cuz I've saved every

28:14 Every single one and I always thought that we could be like John Adams and Abigail Adams cuz they have 10,000 letters. They correspondence so often and I thought all week so I know I have over 4,000 that you sent me and then I have just under 4,000 that I sent you and some of them, you know our duplicates because I was sending I was responding to what you sent. But I remember when I moved up to New Haven and I didn't want to lose my emails. I had no idea that the internet provider that was using actually owned my email and I remember that was a struggle and I had to go to the it guys so that I can save all of those emails.

29:01 Because they tell a lot about you and me.

29:05 We've never got back together or looked at those emails and I wonder what it would be like if we decide.

29:13 To sit down one day and start reading them. Some of them are painful. I've gone back every now and then cuz sometimes dude cuz some of them are so ordinary and I'm just talkin about the boys and I'm talking about, you know, what's going on, and then some of them are so loving

29:32 And some of them are the reason I love the emails is because it's always been so much easier for me to write meant to say how I feel. So, I think those emails give us a level of intimacy that I think a lot of people don't have because it's so much easier to write because you're not going to respond right away, or I'm not going to see how you respond in judge. I can just write freely and and then, you know you come back to me, but I think there's so much Intimacy in our emails.

30:07 What's the wire some people?

30:14 Some of them a painful because the struggles I've had with, you know, the three boys not everything was easy.

30:24 Certainly, we've wrestled with issues and sometimes I just didn't know how to deal with them. And sometimes I was frightened and sometimes I was in pain with what was going on with each of them, you know adolescence is never easy and I felt like I was on my own with them in the difficulty with three boys with whenever I had to make a decision and had to be spontaneous and I didn't I couldn't fall back on you. I would email you, you know, and then the response we come later so some of the pain is just being a parent and wishing, you know, you were next to me. Well, I also think that

31:05 Our relationship hasn't always been perfect.

31:09 Is it there is a magical element to it?

31:14 65 or 66 year old man finds his first love.

31:21 I think that's magical and romantic.

31:25 But it's

31:27 Relationships are not always perfect and ours hasn't always been perfect. I remember when we were in Oxford.

31:36 Where are University of Oxford is in England?

31:40 And I was driving.

31:42 Down the road

31:45 And the steering wheel was on the opposite side because it's the way it is in England.

31:53 And I found I was on the wrong side of the road my God, how did I get on the wrong side of the road and looking ahead a car was coming straight at me? What's the highway it was in the city and I didn't know what to do because everything was backwards.

32:10 The mirrors were backwards. Everything was reversed. You know, if it was in the Connecticut, I would have known how to evade or avoid but here I just didn't know what to do. So I stopped in my tracks and I started blowing the horn.

32:30 And you went crazy I am that you started screaming you were so frightened.

32:39 +

32:42 What happened? Next was we drove for a while and I pulled off to the side of the road.

32:49 And I stop the car and I said get out. Let's both get out and we stood by the side of the road and I put my arms around you and I think that

33:02 Episode was kind of a metaphor for our life together. I think but I also think that lives changed when we both retired because now I'm in New Haven we live together permanently. And so we had this

33:24 Fairy Tail and when I moved in permanently if we had to adjust we really did so I think we had a good solid foundation but that adjustment, you know, it's difficult until you're right. It hasn't always been good or do you like being at Yale being part of you or why is that?

33:57 Ever since I was a little kid.

34:00 I thought I was smart.

34:02 But no one in my family encouraged me. No one and I knew I always wanted to be a teacher.

34:11 And after I met you you raised the bar in my life you raise the bar and then suddenly I had to be a better teacher and I had to be as smart as you nothing. I'm competitive.

34:29 And then one of the things that happened is that the other teachers in my department suddenly bar was raised for them to cuz they would compete with me and one of the things I loved was just being part of the Yale Community. I got an ID card. I could go to Sterling Library. Whenever I wanted we went to the hockey games, you know, I could do research that. I've always thought was just a dream deferred and now I'm doing it. So I have always loved being part of the Year Community because because For the first time in my life you made me feel like I was much more capable than I was.

35:09 Then I am you know, I think I said that one time that you see me so differently and you see me all the potential that I never saw and I didn't think anybody else so part of its Gail but part of its, you know,

35:30 Is you being at Yale and that's such a part of your life and it's so it's part of my life now, but

35:38 I never thought I'd marry somebody so smart.

35:42 Well, I think you're really smart and I'm really proud of you and

35:47 I'm really proud of the suffrage work that you're doing.

35:52 You have a master's degree and you could have easily gone for PhD, but you didn't and now you're focusing on not just our lives together.

36:05 This is the phase of our life where we like to talk about happily ever after but I think it's also a time where we're getting worked on. I still go to school.

36:20 You're writing about suffrage, you know, one thing that I think.

36:28 I wonder

36:31 When you were a child, what are you think of? I know some of your childhood wasn't so happy. We've talked about that.

36:41 But what about a happy experience from your childhood?

36:46 What would that be?

36:54 You know, I don't know there are few, but I'm just tempted to say when I was a little kid. That wasn't very happy and I always

37:06 Remember when I would go to bed at night?

37:11 Disturbed answer your question, but when I would go to bed at night.

37:17 I always wish that there was somebody out there who loved me.

37:23 And I wish the person would say things to me and that's first date. There are things you said to me that I had been waiting to hear my whole life.

37:36 Am I finally got the year to do steps?

37:43 I know that doesn't answer the question, but

37:47 It's important to me that you know that.

37:54 You just told me I thought you told me I was special I was you told me that I needed to be loved you told me I was beautiful you told me I was smart.

38:05 Ordinary things that as a child he did not he.

38:12 And then you helped me and I knew I could trust you.

38:17 And done again.

38:20 I wasn't used to being held.

38:24 So

38:26 You changed my life forever Arthur.

38:36 You know, my childhood was very different because I grew up in the Bronx that lives near the Aggie Stadium. They hold everyone rooted for the Yankees, but I like the Giants and then one year. We went to Washington DC with my family when I was

38:53 11 years old and we met all the Boston Red Sox players Ted Williams, Bobby doerr Birdie tebbetts the catcher.

39:04 And we got their autographs and I became an instant Red Sox fan.

39:11 And the story of my childhood that I remember most of all is when my father took me to Boston for my 11th birthday.

39:21 And we went to a doubleheader the Red Sox versus the Yankees and I don't remember the score of the first game, but the second game the Red Sox won 11 to 10.

39:34 And that was the happiest moment of my childhood. I know it sounds a little bit odd.

39:40 But that was

39:42 The happiest memory I have of my childhood being with my father.

39:48 Rooting for the Red Sox and having the Red Sox win.

39:52 Do you remember when you and I went to?

39:56 The Red Sox game I bought tickets for you.

40:01 I bought tickets for you for your birthday and I got these seats when we were way way way back past 3rd Base. They weren't very good seats. But Manny Ramirez was standing right in front of the the green monster and he kept going inside and I'm thinking what's he doing? He's not on the field is going back by in the green, you know the wall and the next day we find out that he was being traded and I still think he was making the deal during the game. But anyway, I remember

40:34 It always.

40:37 It's amazing the kind of randomness.

40:41 Of life, you know, how did we met? How did we meet? Why did we meet what would our lives be like if we had mad? I mean, I think it is a wonderful story. I think it's fate. I don't think it's random. I think it's fate.

40:58 We were meant to me.

41:00 I think it's nice to think.

41:04 That's my Fairy Tail again.

41:08 What were you going to say?

41:11 What's good to say that?

41:14 Sometimes while we have a fired.

41:19 Or disagreement and we've had though everyone does.

41:25 But I remember.

41:30 Lying in bed

41:33 After we've had an argument.

41:36 Your back is turned to me.

41:40 And I know how angry you are. I can't see your face.

41:45 I can feel your

41:48 Feel it through your body just the body language that you're sending.

41:54 And I realize how angry you are.

41:58 And I'm not sure what I should do.

42:02 And every single time you respond exactly the same way.

42:12 You turned around.

42:14 And you always kiss me. Goodnight.

42:20 Why do you do that?

42:24 Because I love you you gave me one time. I think it was for Valentine's Day, but I'm not sure one of those boxes that they have with a a line of I don't even know how to describe it but with the saying on it and so we have a next to her bed that box and it says always kiss me goodnight and

42:50 Arthur I will always kiss you. Goodnight.

42:53 Forever

42:58 I love you art.

43:03 I love you, my darling.