Jen Lewis-Walden and Peg Lewis-Walden

00:09 Hi, my name is Jen lewis-walden. I am 42 years old today date is Friday September 11th, 2020. I am here in my County California and I am here with my wife Peg lewis-walden.

00:28 Hide item Pegram swollen and I am 56 today. Today is Friday September 11th, 2020 and I we are here in Sonoma County. I am sitting next to my amazing human wife.

00:52 All right, here we are excited.

01:00 Well, maybe we just start with we're brainstorming that we had last night.

01:11 I think I asked you to take consider something. What was it?

01:15 You asked me to consider moments moments that stick out about transition or impactful times in our time together.

01:30 What came up for you?

01:32 The first thing the first thing that came up for me was around your surgery.

01:47 I remember.

01:50 We have this way of communicating with each other when we first met at work and

01:57 The conversation was in letters and you would start a letter and then I would respond in line with a different color my responses to different pieces of your letter and then you would follow on that with

02:15 With your own responses in line and until we have is ongoing conversation via letter and one of the things that sticks out for me is

02:26 Part of it. One of the letters that we exchanged you had communicated to me that.

02:33 How amazing it was for two people to know each other one who is trans and one who is bisexual and no one has ever.

02:51 Including myself called called me and said before and it was fascinating because it sort of brought up for me a piece of my identity that I did. I've never named for myself and you named it first?

03:09 Yeah, I

03:24 How perfect of a puzzle piece

03:29 How come you're not thinking through that? I'm thinking something about.

03:43 I was labeling as lesbian my my impression and you just simply said that I don't identify like that and I said, oh, okay. So that works how fascinating was having researched sexual health and you know that this perspective that I come away from my my education with was really quite

04:14 It was missing that piece that I learned with you. Like wow, that didn't work. So well together having a transhuman in a bisexual human and these kind of places of like all encompassing love cuz I know every

04:31 So I am I remember that and I remember feeling like everything makes sense now to meet you and it was like something was named for me. If it was always very clear to me so name what what I wasn't.

04:55 Until meeting you and then I finally had not just words the words don't don't mean as much as the kind of knowing self-renewing identity in a way that I'd never be able I had never been able to

05:14 Name for myself or hold for myself

05:20 I was thinking about that yesterday is her precursor to everything else right in that was before.

05:29 Before we came together, right? We were deepening our friendship, but the time Prix.

05:35 Pre 2017 Fire 3 living together before getting married before.

05:44 Surgeries before all of that before, you know a trend to Note One pronoun in the world to thinking about that last night. We were pondering it sort of was just like wool Crusher going to do that. So, you know and it we went to San Francisco to see the surgeon.

06:21 Or was it Oakland? It was Oakland. We went to Oakland and then we went to Amanda to support Amanda for her cancer surgery so.

06:34 That was a big day.

06:36 That moment was amazing. I think for me like the other piece of another big component of my reflection last night.

06:49 This expanded view of family and

06:54 I think coming into this relationship. I knew.

06:58 I need a phone that was important.

07:01 And yet

07:04 I also felt like

07:07 I never held it. So close to myself in the ways that.

07:12 I'm compelled to hold it with you and see this great big family that welcomes anyone.

07:22 Immediately without question even despite differences across that large group of people.

07:31 Has been just a learning experience for me.

07:38 I can remember meeting.

07:41 Sicily for the first time I can remember meeting Brad for the first time and feeling like

07:49 Wow, I'm falling in love with someone who has these humans that you've raised and

07:58 There are these amazing humans. How will I ever fit in that space? And I think that has been a growing.

08:08 There's a growing recognition of what family means and ways that I just could not have chips and I I coming from large family after large family with my mom and dad's going to hang out in space and they love you. Just bring them. It's been it's been like that sort of watching you develop your relationship with Cecilia special and Brad now from afar by

08:46 And coming together with you know, all of the craziness that happened in learning how to jump into conversation, you know crazy I know and or you don't have to either no one would even notice if you did it.

09:07 I feel like that's been doing all the things that I wrote down my heart is there.

09:16 Family

09:31 Yeah.

09:35 It feels

09:38 To me like

09:47 I feel like you have my heart and I I don't always know how to put words to the ways that I'm understanding.

09:58 That commitment to family that

10:01 That we grown and

10:04 It's interesting because

10:06 The first conversation we had was

10:10 Is tempering of questions and interrogation and sharing of

10:16 How we think about family right? And I'm I'm constantly.

10:24 Just fascinated by the stories that

10:29 That you can tell if your history and you know where you're coming from and you know who you are because of where you're coming from and

10:38 A little bit of fat, but I think

10:42 You inspire me in ways to know what my story is.

10:47 And a good parts in the challenging parts, and it's it feels like I wonder what this conversation is going to look like 20 years from now. I was envisioning that a similar conversation and in 5 years.

11:11 Family and home

11:14 Together in the world. Yeah, I mean I've been appreciative of all of that to you about your and understanding, you know her raising two children by herself and how that feels and how hectic it is and why she might not have you know plugged in as emotionally is as maybe you needed some times and completely understanding that frenetic life in a way that you know, like I have empathy for for that cuz I had that all right thinking about

11:58 Stepping into a place as a

12:02 As a young adult human

12:07 Raising a young child and I can only imagine the

12:14 Not just a frenetic energy, but the feeling of

12:18 Wanting to know how to do something well and

12:24 Not knowing how to do that thing well and and even a comparison of you living with with Brad and your parents and having that support is is beautiful and the way learning and seeing how your parents parents.

12:43 10 children together you parenting one child as a young adult and so I can imagine.

12:58 That

13:01 Those feelings of fear and confidence that you have is a young adult and and not knowing at the same time. He's 11 years to to Sicily and in some ways feeling like you can parent in new ways because of the wisdom that you have 11 years later.

13:26 Just by going through an experience and it feels like that part of what?

13:37 What we find together we talked often. So often about our our life work and the places that we get triggered.

13:48 And even trigger each other in that life work and and then you know now recognizing what those those pieces are for us and being able to name them for ourselves so that we can hold them together and I learned what that looks like.

14:20 Vulnerable

14:23 Yeah, I mean time allows for profound change even if you do no work and my we talked about this to around these triggers and owning it just for ourselves like not blaming or you know, there's not there's not anger. There's just like maybe fear in a little bit of acknowledgment and some time to sit with that and then to put it out back on people like can you have you understand what that was for me?

15:04 And that's been an amazing change over time and it in in particular and specifically with my relationship with you. And I know that it comes from our friendship that we had for a year just the intense time and the acknowledgement of shared experiences sexual abuse or feeling lonely and alone and invisible when you were little or whatever reason and me and a family of 10 and you and a family where Mom was super busy and I dab bad and

15:44 You know just having those shared experiences and coming back together and being able to talk them over and the truth of who we are never knowingly be here now.

16:00 I wrote down all of our travels and you know our bus trips and in our getaways in our ways of being most most ourselves climbing out of bed and putting her.

16:25 That was struck and I'm struck every time we came through the photos.

16:31 How many?

16:35 Intense

16:37 Breaking memories are embedded in.

16:41 Our home with our furry creatures and are humans and I are traveling together in.

16:51 It's reassuring because I have

16:55 I have his story in my head that I don't.

16:59 My memory is failing me and

17:03 The last thing that I wanted in this makes me so fearful.

17:11 I don't want to lose the memories of of us and of

17:17 Those little moments when you when you press the photo and the live photo and it shows up reaction before the space that vulnerable proposing moment.

17:41 Memories sometimes to be able to pull up

17:53 I'm just so grateful for that which the travels and then you just thinking about this place is our home and thinking about

18:19 Rohnert Park, California, Sonoma County California as as our home in our community and

18:26 You're looking outside right now. We're socked in with fog and smoke and this is the fourth year running that that we've had fires all around us and

18:43 I think back to 2018 iron. I remember driving to work each moment and each morning at 6 in the morning to go into the

18:56 The d o c the disaster operations center and

19:01 Waiting on the curb and seen you pull in behind me and the one grounding moment was embracing you every morning walking over and getting coffee and trying to normal day. Yeah, it's it's been amazing that you know, of course that window of time is so it's seared into our memories a different angles and that's something that really I love thinking about that and and how we would walk to Pizza jump into the day of trying to figure out how to do whatever you're working and me with more more with covid-19.

20:01 Just thinking and talking and thinking and chill going through all of our but but more than that. I love that we care.

20:22 Aaron's

20:25 You know, we experience our own humans with inequities or jail and prison or drug addiction or mental health or Autism Spectrum. And you know, we just love them. We we care about the same things and we work towards the same things and we can collaborate on our feels like every single day.

21:04 We have this series of Curiosities that emerging conversation weather prompted by someone in our close circle of friends and family or prompted by work often or a challenge that we're facing that we don't quite understand what to make of it. Whether it's leadership or whether it's

21:32 Inequities in our society or whether it's how do we understand what's happening and and the the ways that we peel back the layers and try to make sense of the world and our place in it and what we can do in our little lives to affect change in effect changes through accepting.

22:01 Trying to be humble and empathetic and sympathetic.

22:09 If you was really meaningful, even if it's small change in the world the government industrial on the phones and Leadership and you know, I think that in so many ways we want so much for the world and that

22:42 You know we start with our family. I think that's that's the right place to start and that's been both with Brad and his drug use and I know his AIDS in his in his you know absence in our lives for the last nine months, but but we we managed to hold him with respect and and and I and my heart is full just from not knowing that he's out living in the world somewhere and then Sicily and Christian and your mom and Melissa and her cancer treatment and looking for the clear plastic.

23:42 In circles

23:47 So I I I do think it does start with our family and you know, I'm super I'm super grateful for all of that. It's not even an effort, but all of that.

24:00 Yeah.

24:02 I'm remembering the

24:04 The moment that I got the phone call from Melissa

24:10 I'm with her breast cancer diagnosis and I knew it was a I knew there was something going wrong because there was a the phone call came at 9:50 in the morning and she would never call it that time.

24:34 So that we could

24:38 Wicked

24:40 Advantage of her knowledge that you have and oncology and processing through these huge moments scary scary moments in people's lives and you just do it with such Grace and such confidence and such compassion that

25:06 I was able to calm down.

25:09 And I think that let us into a space with our family that was was new. You haven't gone through that with with Amanda certainly was a learning experience for me and then and then entering into space with Melissa and I can hear you say like that. You wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else and that gift of

25:36 Prioritizing the humans in our lives is

25:41 Is it so cold in in everything that you do?

25:46 The president and it's not just words, right? It's backed up by getting on the phone and doing the research and setting up the care and I'm digging in whenever someone's needed and something that we can do that and our families lives and it's

26:07 It's been one of the most meaningful experiences and you knowing that we

26:13 Have this ongoing commitment to just walk through those experiences together is incredible. Yeah, that was a lie. So appreciate that time with Melissa because of course it we got I got to know her in a very different way. And I think that that allowed her to trust me in a different way of talking with her and being sad with her knowing it was sadness and not fear, you know that I wasn't afraid she was going to die. I just knew it was going to be hard and we were going to be sad and you know traveling and

26:52 Being concerned about her character in Covina. We know she was so strong through the whole thing and

27:01 You know, we only shoot like super messy and bleeding that one day for her was.

27:17 Was amazing and it deepened my love for her in an in anyways and your mom and seeing how she struggles with emotion and understanding and understanding that in a very different way because of watching her in that setting and so getting to know them through that experience.

27:43 Yeah, I feel like I've had the same experience with.

27:48 Certain many members of your family in different moments of time

27:54 Your sisters

27:56 In very different ways, you know hearing you speak with Pam on the phone every single morning amazing twin is is brilliant brilliant and supporting

28:31 Bikini in this time in particular. She's

28:37 Learning what her strengths are is incredible and

28:45 Shearing Sherry as this source of calm and wisdom.

28:55 The matriarch of sorts in your family know even when going through a huge loss recently and supporting Amanda and and their whole family if that's amazing to see and having the the space to be able to connect with Kathy and

29:20 Not only her humor, but her real curiosity about what's going on in the world and how to how to also make sense of it ain't engaging her in space end.

29:35 And then I remember the moment that we rushed over to the hospital and

29:44 And trying to support her and really trying to understand you how to split her at an end in moments when you know different family members mean different things to you at the end of the day when someone is is hurting or needs us were there and same with your brothers of course and your entire family and and and in particular the opportunity to

30:10 Get to nurse's lie, and you know, she's quiet and thoughtful and intentional and opinionated.

30:21 In really beautiful wave and being able to see that and see her grow. I only know her as a

30:29 Butthurt

30:31 Growing into herself in ways that

30:35 Who so beautiful?

30:39 And Brad

30:42 Am I pretty much?

30:45 18 as as there is and not not quite knowing where he is right now. I'm grateful that he lives with us for those six months and I try to hold with me the events that he's laughing and cooking and singing and singing and and

31:11 And asking me to put eye drops in his eyes because he can't do it himself. I just

31:25 I love them both in different ways that are you need to move them?

31:33 Fun wrapping. I mean having our 12 step work that we do and you know, understanding addiction issues and understanding and having compassion for where folks are and understanding where are boundaries are and do some very painful boundaries that we have to set gosh, you know doing that together without asking him to leave and you know, all the things that came of that.

32:01 Yeah, that's that's that's part of our our life lesson around, you know trying to do the right thing when the right thing is the hardest thing to do. And so, you know that's been something I learned and you know, of course we learn together and you're trying to get care for someone that doesn't want care and trying to you know, talk to Sicily about the dangers or the risks of drinking too much maybe or you know

32:35 But what happens when you're barfing in an Uber, but that's probably inappropriate that are passed to manage and still holding the concerns.

32:55 And that's the balance. I remember the first time that we went to our 12-step meeting together and

33:08 It was the first time for me and it was a re-engagement for you into a group that.

33:18 That you had known decades ago, and I remember walking into that little school classroom in Cotati and

33:31 Feeling scared and holding your hands and walking in.

33:40 And seeing everyone greet you that you knew and how hearing everyone say.

33:49 I love Peg. I love this woman. I love this human amazing. I'm so glad to see her and it was so everyone who

34:04 Welcomed you and and welcomed me with you into that space and then remember feeling this wave of relief after leaving and just breaking down tears not because

34:20 Being

34:22 So we're together is difficult. It's not it's it's the right path for us and but because

34:36 But because it's a relief because it's so honest and that felt like seashells of of time and costume being released off of my shoulders in a way that I very rarely felt such a huge wave the rooms of the 12-step programs right setting all of those things that we think we need to be and yeah saying those books that I haven't seen in, you know, 20 plus years when I got sober and whatever your was 1997 like I know I should remember that but you know, I have always found my family as my 12-step support group. And so I didn't feel like I necessarily needed it. But now with all that's going on and had to watch that movie.

35:36 It's been something that's important to especially with Will and Brad and others that struggle and

35:47 Yeah, well and also being able to have a consistent conversation together about what that what that program work looks like for us like acceptance and honesty and take what you like and leave the rest in this constant conversation we have about how do we just live in the best way that we know how and

36:14 And maybe this isn't such a nice space to to be commentating this conversation because it feels to me like one of the greatest gifts that you have offered to me and certainly does the meetings of offer is just seeing people tell their story and being so clear and honest about their stories and you know, I have often felt like my my memory doesn't serve me enough to to tell it an entire story and yet here we are spending the last no 30-45 minutes telling our story to each other and

36:58 It means everything to me. It's the it's profound. It's in the ways that we can share that and articulated and in ways that I could just see you.

37:12 Grand Theft space

37:14 I see that Space 2 and know that you know, one of the biggest Gifts of our relationship is the Curiosity about life and

37:28 Well holding the safety of our hearts.

37:34 During during all of that mess of fires in the just the craziness with business, you know, the current Administration in the fears behind and what is God in Latin when they lose that and all of those things are I look forward to know what progress they've me storycorps is alive and well and in a decade so we can re-engage and you know, whether it's another San Francisco.

38:20 Bay Area mobile tour or somewhere else or travel seek us?

38:28 I'm excited to keep the the story.

38:34 Chris Brown hearts

38:37 Continue to take the pictures and