Jinhee Hann and Julia Hann

Recorded October 23, 2020 Archived October 23, 2020 31:22 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: mby020141

Description

Sisters Jinhee Hann (48) and Julia Hann (50) center their conversation about formative experiences and memories that inform their respective parenting styles. The sisters also share how much they love their children and leave messages for their kids to hear in the future.

Subject Log / Time Code

Jinhee H. asks Julia H. if any particular memories stick out to her from her childhood, and Julia says she was a perfectionist and was afraid of making mistakes. Julia H. also shares a funny anecdote about making mistakes on her homework and ripping out the pages.
Julia H. says being a parent has shown her that things don’t need to be perfect.
Julia H. talks about how her choices in life affected her parenting style, including a moment where her parents disowned them, and says that lesson taught her that if she had kids, she would love them no matter what.
J inhee H. asks Julia H. what she’s most proud of about her kids. Julia H. says she is proud that her son Dylan is a sensitive empathetic child, and says for her daughter Kira, she loves that she is sparkly and makes every interaction sparkle, and intuitive.
Julia H. asks Jinhee H. if there are any seminal moments that still out in her life that have influenced her today as a parent, Jinhee H. says that their father was absent and mother sort of was too, that their grandmother was always present, and shares a story of a vacation and being abandoned on a boat, and says she felt she wasn't loved, so she wants her son Julian to know he is completely loved.
Julia H. says she wants her son to feel like he has freedom in life, and that despite possibly spoiling him a little, she wants him to have more than she did as a kid.
Julia H. asks Jinhee H. what messages she wants her son Julian to know when he listens to the recording in the future. Jinhee H. shares her messages for her son Julian.
Julia H. shares messages for her children in the future.

Participants

  • Jinhee Hann
  • Julia Hann

Transcript

StoryCorps uses Google Cloud Speech-to-Text and Natural Language API to provide machine-generated transcripts. Transcripts have not been checked for accuracy and may contain errors. Learn more about our FAQs through our Help Center or do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you have any questions.

00:04 Hey, hi. My name is Jenny Han. I'm 48. Today is October 23rd 2020 Friday and I'm in Lake Oswego, Oregon and my conversation partner today is my sister Julia Han and yeah, she's my sister my favorite sister. I love that. My name is Julia Hahn 50 years old. Today is Friday, October 23rd, 2020. We're both in Lake Oswego, Oregon and I'm having a conversation with my sister Jin Hee Haw.

00:41 Okay, take it away. Okay, we first alright. So this is going to be about like our childhood and our kids basically all about our kids. My first question to you is do you have any memories of your childhood that stands out to you? And how did that shape you as an adult?

01:08 As an adult kind of funny to start with this one, but this is I have this one memory that really jumps out at me. So when I was in elementary school and we grew up in South Korea and Seoul Korea and growing up. I think I was a really perfectionist child like in doing a homework. I if I made a mistake, I would not erase it. I would rip out the page and start all over again because to me like mistakes were not okay. And so I would as a kid like I was probably eight or nine. I had all these ripped out pages of homework that I didn't know what to do with like I could just throw them in the trash can cuz you'll be so obvious. So how would I crumpled them up and I will shove them on this under this big bookshelf that I shared with my other older sister and it was all fine until we had to move out of that house.

02:09 And then they move the bookshelf and there was literally like hundreds thousands of paid crumbled up pages that were my, you know, mistake that I made as an 8 9 year old kid in elementary school and looking back.

02:30 I think I was so afraid of making mistakes and I was afraid of making wrong decisions and thought that the world will end if I made too many of those mistakes and what's great about parenting I think is it taught me that it's okay to make mistakes and I think I made a lot of mistakes as a mom and I look at my teenagers cuz I have a 17 year old and a 15 year old and I look at them and they turned out to be fine. Like I didn't have to be this perfect parent and and I guess that's one of the biggest lessons that I've learned as a parent that you're never going to be perfect life is not going to be perfect. Your kids are not going to be perfect. But it's okay that you just move on you keep going and everything will be okay. So that's one of the memories that I always look back on and go mad.

03:30 As a kid I had some issues for the little I know I know.

03:37 But I definitely use a racer now. I don't rebound Pages anymore. So I think we're good. Did you want the most and what did you need the most?

03:54 What the hell you didn't get?

03:57 What did I want the most?

04:03 That's interesting. You know, I don't I don't know if I even allowed myself to ask those questions. I think there were a couple of things. I really wanted as a kid and one was I wanted to be able to take piano lessons because my best friend growing up and my neighbor she started taking piano lessons and I just fell in love with the sound of it and I begged and begged mom and somehow she was able to scrounge up enough money to buy a piano and to give me those piano lessons. So I feel like there was something that I really wanted that I was somehow able to gas. What should I eat?

04:58 Like Dad, do you know didn't bring home a lot of paychecks? Cuz I think he's spent a lot of you know hanging out with friends.

05:08 But what did I need the most looking back and I think

05:16 I don't know if it was just me or

05:19 The childhood that we had or I had cuz I think although we grew up in the same household. Your childhood was very different than mine like things that you know Hans you to this day or not the same things and watch me.

05:33 But I think what I would have really liked and what I may be needed but didn't even realize that I needed was a sense of acceptance that I didn't have to get super great grades to be loved that. I didn't have to be the smartest kid in the neighborhood to be special that it was. Okay just to be okay, you know, it would have been acceptable to get bees once in awhile or you know, and that I was still lovable, I think.

06:10 Yeah, if I had that my life might have unfolded differently.

06:17 Not that I have any regrets about how things unfolded because I'm really grateful for the life that I have now, but a lot of those things I think drive me as a parent with my two teenagers.

06:32 Where can I buy this is not a good topic for people who want to stay?

06:38 Not crying all the experiences as a child shape who you wanted to become as a mom to your own kid.

06:49 You know, I made a lot of crazy decisions in my life and one of those decisions that our parents didn't approve of banded up disowning me for like 9 months until they had a change of heart and I remember after my parents disowned me like okay if I ever have kids and I don't know if I would at that point I wasn't sure if I would have kids that I would love them. Even if they made stupid decisions, I would say it's okay. I'm not crazy about the decisions you're making but it will never change the fact that I love you as my kid and I think Dad singular painful lesson really put me on a different trajectory as a parent because raising two children in this day and age. Do stupid things crazy.

07:49 Things, you know, those do the things that they normally do and I think I'm really conscious about making a differentiation between

08:00 Here are the actions that they're taking versus heroes who they are like their actions whether good or bad do not affect how much I love them. And because I think that lesson was so important for me.

08:19 If I had to go back and be disowned again to learn that lesson, I think I would choose that. So in a way like I'm grateful that it happened to me. Maybe I wish I didn't have to go through that to learn that lesson but I think that is the single most important thing that's happened to me in terms of how it has shaped me as a parent. I think you've done a good job.

08:52 Why would I want to ask you a question? What brought you most joy and I'm kind of Sears did you develop as a default to be alone? There were kind of surprising to you. I need to wear so many little moments that you know, as I was raising these two kids filling and Cara, but I think you lately when I hear my kids say something like I do when I have kids when I grow up and get married and have kids. I think I want to raise them the way you and Dad raised me.

09:39 Like we don't want to spoil them but we want to provide for everything they need but you know make them work for things that are really important for that. We just build an arch old, you know, how to treasure relationships and family and tribe and when my kids kind of echo those things back to me. It's a huge validation for me. Although. I didn't know what the heck I was doing as a parent that maybe some of the really more important lessons they picked up along the way and they think of them is valuable enough that they want to replicate that with their own children.

10:25 Okay. Okay. I know you love your kids you conditionally I know you're proud of your kids. But what are you most proud of from from John and Kira?

10:41 Oh my gosh, there's so many things but you know for Dylan who's 17 and who's a senior in high school.

10:51 I'm really proud of the fact that Dylan is a sensitive and pathetic child.

10:59 Dad when you know his little cousin Donnie was getting bullied at school

11:05 And Dylan found out about it like he started crying and for me to have a son who can empathize with his cousin and cry over them. Like I'm so proud of him like I love them.

11:22 M4 Kira-Kira sparkly. I Can't Describe Karen any other way like she makes every interaction sparkly and she's thoughtful and she senses what people need, you know to be happy and she's happy to provide it to them. And I I just love that about her.

11:53 Okay, I have some questions for you because your Julian is 5 and he's like, oh the sweetest little girl five-year-old. So when I see you with Julian, I'm really amazed.

12:14 Add how attentive you are like you are so focused when you are with him and you're so present and you have a crazy life with a crazy job but like every single moment you're with them you are truly present and I'm a mom too, but I honestly don't think I gave that to my kids when they were Julius age. So I'm just curious like what drives you to be like that honestly, like I've seen lots of other moms around me and you are the only one I seen can do it to that level. It's really amazing to me and I'm not like I'm just trying to figure out like what makes you bring that like every single moment that you're with him.

12:58 I don't really know what I was back of my own childhood. I feel like I didn't get that back. I remember being alone a lot and are you guys could download imagining stuff on my own and maybe because I feel kind of lonely I want you and you constantly feel like he's loved and not alone. I don't I really don't know, but I just love

13:36 Spending time with him as well. Do you think it's may be partly due to the fact that he's an only child and he doesn't have siblings to play with you think that plays into that at all. No. Yeah. I'm sure if I had two more kids.

13:58 We talked about that too. But yes looking back at your life so far, but do you have these Seminole moments that contributed to you being the parent that you are today? Cuz I for me he was being disowned and how that really shaped my journey as a parent and I'm wondering if you had moments, you know kind of like that. They're really stayed with you that shaped you being who you are as a parent. Yeah, I think you it was when you know, cuz Dad was pretty much accent from our lives. And so was Mom kind of you know, Mom was always pregnant, but then one of my memory of dad was

14:58 And there were supposed to go on this boat ride. And I was so excited. Can't wait for me. I'm going to forgot something and then I got to remember seeing the both. Just having fun without me and I respect that left me there. You don't completely abandon my dad. I was so sad. I was so angry, but I think you know, I always felt like I wasn't really loved which is not true. But that's why I felt so I think you know what you actually make sure that he always knows that she's loved.

15:45 Completely loved just for who he is and you'll never have to worry about that. And I think I mean if anything is watching you and Julian together, I think if there's one thing he will know for sure.

16:03 Oh my God, you love him. I know I ask. I know you love me.

16:15 Okay.

16:22 Do you know what would have to happen for you to feel like you've succeeded as a parent like, you know, yeah, you know, I don't think my Stander said that high I don't want you into being a raise a healthy caring loving compassionate happy human being I think I would have done I will be proud of myself for having raised someone who's conscious, you know, not just of his own needs but of others and the world that he lives in and care about the environment and animals and you know, I want to raise a really well-rounded compassionate kind person with happy. Like that's the first thing I wanted to be really happy and

17:22 Be proud of himself. So that way he can share that love and joy with other people around cuz if he doesn't have that he can share that and I will be really proud. You should be such a good little kid girl. I got a whole tribe like I was sending family and all his cousins and aunts and uncles like it's all that I'll point of love. I think you already kind of mentioned, you know, I was going to ask you what you're doing for Julian's life, but I think you know, you already answered that question. You know, what I really want you need to have is a kind of Carefree life.

18:13 And you know, maybe sometimes I would you guide with like maybe spoiling him or giving him too much material abundance, which is something that I never had. I always felt like scarcity of black my childhood and I don't ever want him to experience that but more than that. I wanted to have the sense of Freedom that like he can you won't have to be afraid of just going out into the world and you know doing whatever the heck it is that he wants to do. Yeah, that's why I wanted to have that size of fearlessness and that feeling of being free is a mom when I look at my kids to their older and they're you know, Dylan's going to go off to college next year and cure are two years after that and I always think some of the things that's it that stopped me and my personal life or expectations expectations that were put on me by my parent buy our parents.

19:13 Culture, you know all the society right? And I don't think I was strong enough to stand up to those expectations every kid. I know but probably do I just maybe you know, I wanted to please our parents too much or whatever but I couldn't stand up to that. So I hope that our children, you know can almost say hey, I know this is what the society might expect from me or what the parents might expect but I'm going to go my own way. Like I hope they have the courage and the support to pursue their passions and not cave in to whatever they spectations are. So well, you know, you became a mom kind of better later point then I did and I you know, I didn't expect ready to be a parent kids. Just kind of

20:13 I don't know how it is. I didn't really think I was ever going to be a mom. And then I had one kid and then another kid came as I hear. I am a lot of things that you find surprising about Parenthood.

20:30 You know.

20:33 You know how some people are like I the moment I helped his newborn baby. I was in love. I never felt that way before I didn't feel that way. I was like, oh my God, I know what surprised me sound. Like I realize one day now. I know when people talk about like I'm so afraid of losing something because I could so precious to you. Now, you have this fear. I've never been afraid of losing something before cuz I actually I guess I didn't have anything that was precious and precious enough to to be afraid of losing but like I was thinking I'm like, oh my God now I know.

21:26 I worry sometimes I have this fear. Like what if I'm losing someday what if something happens to him and if I get a life that's unimaginable to me like I would probably.

21:40 I was like what it feels like to love something so much that you're afraid that one day you would lose it. Yeah, and you know, I think when did the black lives matter movement and talking about black mothers, how dare so afraid that their children might go out to play and then never come home and I think is Mom's that's like if you get it you get it cuz I can put myself in that situation I go. Oh my God it still is that okay Mom. I'm going to go hang out with someone. So and then you didn't come home because she got pulled over if something horrible happened like how devastating that would be. So I guess it's kind of a common bond that all parents can relate ranchera.

22:41 Having Julian, how how is that changed your life? Personally. I feel like I've become a much more focused person because now I have very different priorities and I almost feel like

23:00 You know, it's like, okay.

23:03 I have to leave something behind so I better get it right just about me, but I want to set up some I want to set up a really good life for Joanne and his family and his hair his grandkids. So makes me work.

23:26 So much harder, and I have a goal.

23:30 And my goal is to leave a legacy for giant so he doesn't have to work as hard and not let work and making a living dictate what he wants to do for his life. Now. I want to have a little bit of luxury so that he doesn't have to worry about how to make a payment and if you wants to be a starving artist you can eat before.

24:10 Yeah, that's true. But I do think that.

24:14 If Julian grows up feeling self-confident and loves himself and doesn't have any of those Hang-Ups that no matter what he pursues. I feel like you'll be successful and really won't need you to help them out financially, you know, I feel like he will forward his own way and he'll have all the tools that he needs to be really successful. I'm in route to your bonus. If you got like a setup like you would he has a strong Foundation to I think so. Yeah, I know.

25:04 So, you know as this is being recorded and maybe Julian will listen to it when he is a young adult or maybe when he's starting his own family. You know, what do you want to tell Julian directly when he's listening to it? So it's really you talking to him. Maybe this is I want you. I want you to know.

25:35 You're probably the best thing ever happened to me.

25:41 And in case you didn't know I never thought I would have a child, but I thought I'd be totally happy not having a child in you kind of came as a surprise and I just never knew that I could love someone like that and you just came into my life. And I know I tell you this every day right now, but you might have forgotten by time you listen to this as an adult and you're literally my little sunshine.

26:05 Like You Light Up My Life

26:08 And I'm still lucky to have you in my life and I feel so blessed.

26:14 And you are just the most best thing that ever happened to me. So I just want to say

26:24 Thank you for choosing me.

26:27 Your mom. Thank you for choosing me had a box of Kleenex.

26:43 And a glass of wine

26:46 Oh my gosh, but I think I don't know. I look at our kids and how they interact with each other.

26:56 And I feel like they get it even if they can articulated they get that they're truly loved their supported by so many people and you know, one of the things about you guys moving from Las Vegas to Oregon and living, you know, multi-generational living thing is, you know, there are going to be family members like aunts and uncles and cousins who can give life experiences for children that we might not be able to you know, Uncle Tony can take the kids fly, you know, when Daniel comes up from you know, La know he might take the kids fishing, you know, all the things that we might not be interested in doing what we don't know how to do amazing experiences throughout extended family and they really are really lucky to have that.

27:58 Yeah brainwashing begin Thirlby.

28:02 But I guess

28:11 Oh my goodness.

28:14 I want to let my kids Dylan and Kira to know.

28:20 That

28:22 They were unexpected beautiful surprises in my life that they have taught me so much. I mean, I feel like they've taught me more than I've taught them like Dylan taught me the value of humor cracks me up every day and I look at that kid and go and if nothing else value would like he brings joy to life and that was a huge thing that I don't think I ever really had in my life until I had John and then with Kira Justice Sparkle that whatever she goes like the world is a better place because she's here and I hope she never forgets that they she doesn't have to bend herself into somebody else's image of what a woman should be or should do that. She can you do live her life on your own terms that

29:22 The right people will come along and they will appreciate and value what she brings and then she doesn't have to change who she is because the way she is is wonderful and perfect. So I hope they know.

29:41 The long after James and I are gone. They're always going to have each other the bond that they share a siblings will always be there and that they can lean on each other and share things throughout their lives. So I'm not really here and we love them so much and Julian to Julian has brought so much joy to our lives. I mean, he just such a funny little guy and it's having him because Dylan 17 Cara's 15 and Julian's 5 having him back in my life is like having a third child like 10 years later kind of thing, you know.

30:24 And it's so much more fun when you had that like experience as a parent. So now it's almost like with a third kid, you know, you can do things a little differently. You have more wisdom or experience and I feel like although Julian is my nephew. He is like a my old child, you know that I love in my heart and I'm so grateful that you guys decided to come you don't live with us because like we'll be able to see him everyday and see him grow up and that's such a blessing.

30:59 I'm so we're welcome.

31:03 Thank you Jen for moving moving from Vegas to Oregon.

31:12 I think I said, huh. I think so.

31:20 I love you.