Joanna Fix and Forrest Fix

[00:02] JOANNA FIX: Hi, I'm Joanna Fix. I'm 54 years old, and today is June 2, 2023. I'm in Colorado Springs, Colorado, with my husband, Forrest Fix.

[00:18] FORREST FIX: Hi, I'm Forrest Fix, age 66. It's June 2, 2023. We're in Colorado Springs, and I'm here with my wife, Joanna Fix.

[00:28] JOANNA FIX: Hi, honey. Hi, lady. So, I have a very important question for you today.

[00:34] FORREST FIX: I've got a very important answer.

[00:37] JOANNA FIX: Can you tell me about the important people in your life? And there is a right answer.

[00:42] FORREST FIX: No, I can't. Can you tell me about one? Okay. Well, that's you. You are the most important person in my life, and you were the one that mattered most to me than. More to me than anything else. What am I supposed I tell somebody? Tell you? No. I've been in love with you since the day we met. I know I didn't say that, but I was. And I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend my life with than you, no matter what's going on. I know the disease kind of put a kink in things, but I think we've unkinked it, and I think we've done pretty good. And you've done amazing. I've never been more proud of anyone than I have you, because of what you've been able to do after receiving the diagnosis of Alzheimer's and what you've done since then. You've literally. I've seen you change the world in the community, the dementia community, with caregivers and. And workers. That's the big one. The people that care for people with this disease have learned so much from you, and it's made such an impact on their lives, and the impact impacted the lives of those they care for. And we've met some amazing people on this journey. Jean and Charlotte and Cheryl and Kathy and Paula. Paula. All these people are amazing people that have been in this community and they've learned also so much from you. That's made their job better, made their lives better. It's made the lives of people they care for better. It seems like our whole life is revolving around Alzheimer's, which. That's just a part of it. That seems like a big part, especially right now. There's a lot going on. But that isn't the only part.

[02:36] JOANNA FIX: It kind of ebbs and flows, Right.

[02:40] FORREST FIX: Yeah, there's. Yeah, there's hectic times and there's times when there's downtime and it's quiet.

[02:46] JOANNA FIX: Yeah.

[02:47] FORREST FIX: Which is nice. But I think you've got the Ball rolling in the community, and I think they're gonna. A lot of people are gonna be able to pick up that ball and take and run with it. So I think we can. You can back off a little bit. We can focus more on just being together. You and me and the dogs.

[03:06] JOANNA FIX: Well, that's. That was a good answer, sweetie.

[03:11] FORREST FIX: I rehearsed it.

[03:13] JOANNA FIX: No, you didn't.

[03:14] FORREST FIX: Okay.

[03:14] JOANNA FIX: If you rehearsed it, I wouldn't be crying right now. Well, you're. You're the most. I'm gonna just pick your question. For me, you're the most important person in my life. Duh. I. I just love that you are so easygoing most of the time. And, you know, just. You like to have fun and you like to focus on everything that's good, which even makes the stuff that's hard pale in comparison because we are so in love with each other and we have such a good life in the midst of the rockiness. And I think that you've set a great example of what it means to not just be a spouse, but to be a care partner and how to make this better for people who are caring for people like me, for our journey to be an easier one or to be more fulfilling and what works and what doesn't. And we've been through a lot of, like, trials and errors with different things because we went into this not really knowing what to expect. We knew what was written out there in the history books and on the Internet and all wrong and. Yeah. And that just didn't make sense. And I think that you are the only one that I would want just to be in life with, but to go through this with. And I firmly believe that you are my cure. So moving on to try to hold it together, because these are happy tears. I mean, one of the happiest moments in my life was when we met and just how much fun we had. And from that first date, I know that I told you something was up, that I didn't know what medically was going on with me, but I'm sure you didn't expect a year later for this person 12 years younger than you to have Alzheimer's disease, but you were pretty unflappable. So, you know, that's.

[05:33] FORREST FIX: Wasn't quite sure what that actually meant at first.

[05:37] JOANNA FIX: I don't know if we're still sure what it really means, because we're just. It's kind of had to look it up. I know. I know. And that I'm not sure that getting on WebMD or really getting on the Internet for this kind of thing is something I would recommend for anybody.

[05:55] FORREST FIX: There are a few tidbits of information I was able to get out of it that opened my eyes a little bit and makes me watch certain things.

[06:08] JOANNA FIX: One of the things that I thought was there were just so many gifts and just us meeting and, you know, with a little bit of those years between us, you know, you did, you had a different upbringing than I did. And I'm always really interested in hearing about your family life. Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet your parents because they've passed, but it was, it was. It's so nice to hear those stories about what neat childhood you had and growing up and the time that you did with so many siblings and having that space between you. And I was just. I think I know the answer to this. But who has been the biggest influence on your life? I mean, do you think it would have been your sister, Peg?

[07:00] FORREST FIX: It's hard to say one, because I've learned so much. My oldest brother is 10 years older than me. My sister was eight years older than me, and I've got two younger brothers. But it's. I can't say who's the most because I've learned so much from everybody. I mean, mom and dad and even my grandparents and my sister and brother and even my younger brothers, I've learned things from. So it's hard to pinpoint or pin down at who's the most important. There is no one most important other than you right now. But growing up, it was just, you know, we were a family and we did, you know, we were together the whole time and we just learned, you know, I learned from them, they learned from me some things. And that's the way I, you know, that's the way I grew up. And I think, you know, I think I came out okay.

[07:52] JOANNA FIX: I think you came out better than.

[07:54] FORREST FIX: Okay remains to be seen, I guess. But what about you? What's most important?

[08:02] JOANNA FIX: I saw more similarities, of course, and differences when we were first getting together and talking about just our values and morals, what was important to us and how we grew up. And my childhood was a little different with my parents divorcing when I was a teenager. And it was a different background, but we focused on the similarities. And there were. There were a whole lot of those. And I think that that was one of the things that made me feel really confident and comfortable with us, you know, moving forward into, you know, a serious, long term existence together. Because I knew that those weren't. Those weren't hurdles we had to overcome. Those core values were already things that we shared, even though we have those years apart and had a different upbringing. So it was kind of like, I don't know, maybe our spirits or our souls were already linked before we had those experiences. I don't know how that works. I just know that I am really grateful for it. And it was a turning point. I mean, meeting you and having you say that, you know, when we didn't know what was going on with me before we got the diagnosis, the year after we met, it was, you know, really great. I know that there's a better word than great, but for you to say it really doesn't matter what's coming because I want to be with you no matter what. And that's how I feel, too. But then having this thing that's just so. Coming from outer space, I guess because I'm not the typical age group. And it was just such a weird, weird moment to receive this and to have us try to figure out, okay, what's going to happen going forward, and. And I wanted to give you an out. I knew you wouldn't take it, but I wanted to give you an out. You know, now's a good time to run if you want to put those sneakers on.

[10:21] FORREST FIX: No, I figured I. You know, as a chiropractor, I figured I could crack this nut. And turns out the nut was pretty impervious to anything I was doing with what I had learned. But then I learned a few other things and things that actually given me a little more hope since then, too, about what's going on with you, that kind of thing about physiology and that kind of stuff. So it's given me some information on what to watch for and what to push for if I have to do so someday. But right now, we don't have to. Things are. You're holding your own, and seems like, you know, progression was primarily from a medication. It happened, but right now it's just. It's more situational stress, that kind of thing. But most people, most of the time, I don't think about it. Okay. It's not what sits foremost in my mind all the time, but it's just a matter of, I just want to be with you, and whatever happens, happens, and if we can do something about it, we will. If we can't, well, that's the way it is.

[11:31] JOANNA FIX: And I like that. I mean, we agree that pharmaceuticals isn't the right choice for us. I think there's a place for some people in some instances, but As a general statement to say, this is how you treat dementia, this is how you treat Alzheimer's with drugs. I think that we're really opening some people's eyes to why that is not correct and how dangerous it can be, giving people who really can't tell you, for the most part, what they're feeling inside, what the side effects from some of these medications feel like it's not appropriate to be giving those to people with dementia. And I think that we're kind of being an example, living an example of, look, this. What's working is not hard because, again, it's keeping the stress away, keeping the stress down as much as possible. It's us focusing on our life together, what we like to do, what is, what makes sense for us to do. And, you know, and that that can sometimes change. But I don't know if the majority of the world really understands yet that this is not a lost cause, that this is about relationships. And you can make a choice, depending on your relationship with the person that's got the disease, to treat them as the person they've always been and to focus on what's good and what connects you rather than what's missing and what is no longer there. These are the types of things that we and I, through these ZOOM meetings and volunteering with the various organizations I work with, I try to impart that. And we really do. We have a huge voice. We've got so many of us that are speaking about how to live well now. And it is all due to our relationships. It's due to, you know, we've got good support either within our own family or within our community. And that's what makes the difference. That's what keeps the demons at bay or keeps, you know, the progression from really speeding up. And so I think we've really started to move the needle away from focusing on, you know, hold your breath until there's a cure, cure, cure. Because I think we know that that's probably not a reality for us. And I'm. And we're okay with that. But how to live well, I mean, we can't just sit here and wait for something. Magic to come along to erase all of this and to make me like I was before I got.

[14:37] FORREST FIX: I don't know who that was.

[14:38] JOANNA FIX: You don't even know who that was. And so, you know, and I know that in the past I've talked about, you know, especially when I've gotten down, you know, I sometimes have to have a little pity party. Not often, but sometimes. And you Know, go down the rabbit hole with, you know, I wish you had known me back when I was running my world.

[14:59] FORREST FIX: Might not have liked you then.

[15:00] JOANNA FIX: I know, honey, I know you wouldn't have liked me then. You're too laid back. And so it's like that's. That's the gift in. In all of this for me is that, you know, I think God was preparing me, getting me through the schooling and, you know, all the work and being exposed to really different personalities in the field of psychology, and then being a teacher, it was like everything that happened was preparing me for our life to be somewhat different. And so I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't change anything because it's so good. Even with the pits of despair here and there, I don't. We don't stay in that space. What. What do you think is. I mean, do you agree with that?

[15:57] FORREST FIX: Yeah, yeah, no, totally agree with it. And actually, what I think you've been able to accomplish is with the insights you have that have resulted in the improvement in care for people with the disease has probably negated the need for a lot of medications where I think where some of these people were combative and argumentative and, you know, throwing out nothing but profanities left and right, throwing their food across in the room. The insight you've been able to provide for them has probably negated the need for some of the people being drugged. Like a lot of them have been. We've heard in the past, they just drug them so they're compliant or they just sit there and they're easy to manage and that kind of thing. But by. Through what you've been able to teach them, they're understanding better on how to handle and interface with these people to where they're cooperative, they're not as competitive, combative. They still throw out profanities, but there's a reason for that. But you've negated the need for a lot of these people to be drugged because the caregivers understand better how to deal with them and what it is they're thinking. Not exactly what everyone's thinking, but what's why they respond in certain situations and how to circumvent the response if it's negative and things like that. So you've changed the world. Like I say, it's all about learning how to live with it and not die from it.

[17:37] JOANNA FIX: Right? We already know how to do that.

[17:39] FORREST FIX: Yeah, we know how to do that. So now we're learning to live with it. And you're learning, and I'm Learning how to. I hear your Zoom meetings and I hear stuff, and, and the trainings that people go through that, you know, you help facilitate, and their feedback is always, you know, wow, that worked. I've been doing this for 30 years and nothing's worked. This works, you know, so it's just amazing to see the changes and the improvement you've made in other people's lives, not just our own.

[18:09] JOANNA FIX: Well, thank you, sweetie, for saying that, but you're 50% of that. I couldn't.

[18:15] FORREST FIX: I'm just one at home.

[18:17] JOANNA FIX: Yeah, but you're supporting me and still being a teacher, even though that's. As a volunteer through Zoom, it's still so rewarding. And, I mean, one of the questions that I get asked, I think probably most often is what do those of us with a dementia diagnosis or with Alzheimer's want, you know, the world to know if we, if we could leave them with one thing. And it's always, I tell them that even if we progress to the point where we're no longer demonstrative, we're still in here. Because, you know, the disease shuts down your motor skills and your ability to. I mean, this is what everybody is so afraid of, right? This is their worst nightmare, is, okay, we can no longer basically use our bodies anymore. We're just kind of sitting there blankly, almost in a comatose state. And that's what people think of. They go to that, you know, the hospice end right away. And many people, they will get there, and they are there now. But to ever assume that because someone is no longer demonstrative, that they don't know or feel that a person is there is 100% wrong, because we know that that's not the case. You know, that there's times I can't find my words or I find words, but they're not good ones. And you get what I mean? And we know what might be coming down the pike for us. But you know me so well and you hear what I have to say now about, you know, I feel your spirit. I feel you sitting next to me. I know you're in the room. I may, you know, call you by my brother in law's name, you know, your brother Phil. I mean, it doesn't mean that I don't know it's you, that I don't feel, that it's you, that I don't recognize your spirit. It's. That's the thing that will be there until the last flame is out. And so that, to me, should bring a lot of hope to A lot of people, I think it might bring some guilt to some people thinking that this is too hard and they want an out. And I understand that with some families and some relationships, but that's not ours. And I'm also aware that I think I have. I don't. It's not easy living with this, but I think I have the easier piece in our relationship just from my way of seeing it, I guess because that short term memory is affected to where I don't really hang on to stuff, whether it was good or bad. If it happened half an hour ago, I'm going to have to maybe remind me again. I've got the. Those long term memories, but I'm not hanging on to things like I used to, you know, when I was younger and had a healthy brain. And I think that that can be a burden and a gift for the care partner because they are aware. So I know it's my goal to make this a good, a good life for both of us, but it's my primary goal to make it a wonderful life for you because I love you more than anything.

[22:01] FORREST FIX: Couldn't be any more wonderful.

[22:03] JOANNA FIX: Oh, of course it could. Instead of two dogs, we could have 200 dogs.

[22:10] FORREST FIX: That's a lot to pick up in the yard.

[22:13] JOANNA FIX: Okay. There is a limit on four dogs here in El Paso County. No, we've got our hearts full with these two. But so, I mean, how has your life been different than what you'd imagined?

[22:28] FORREST FIX: Oh, well, my life when before we met was to work till age 70 to max out my Social Security and then retire in a cabin in the woods.

[22:39] JOANNA FIX: But you did see that. That's a horror film.

[22:44] FORREST FIX: Yeah. Who knows? That could be the horror. But you threw a wrench in those plans.

[22:50] JOANNA FIX: You're welcome.

[22:51] FORREST FIX: Which is Max is actually better retired earlier and you know, and I'm not living in the woods, living in town.

[22:59] JOANNA FIX: Well, it wasn't easy to get you to retire either. You were like, oh, I don't know about this. This is what I have planned.

[23:06] FORREST FIX: I've been working for 60 years. It's hard to change.

[23:11] JOANNA FIX: I know. Tell me about it.

[23:13] FORREST FIX: Only it took two whole weeks to get used to it, but I managed. I succeeded.

[23:19] JOANNA FIX: You're doing really good with retirement.

[23:23] FORREST FIX: That working thing was just for the birds. Should have done this retirement thing, age 15.

[23:31] JOANNA FIX: Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not sure that that would.

[23:35] FORREST FIX: Have worked out, but yeah, probably not.

[23:39] JOANNA FIX: It was. It was kind of tough getting you to let go of those reins, but yeah.

[23:47] FORREST FIX: Yeah, there's gonna be some resistance to the norm.

[23:50] JOANNA FIX: But I was. Man, I was just so scared. Being alone during the day without you there, knowing that I was worried about.

[23:59] FORREST FIX: You all the time.

[24:01] JOANNA FIX: You know, starting fires every time I wanted to cook something was a pretty good probability.

[24:07] FORREST FIX: Cup of noodles in the microwave.

[24:11] JOANNA FIX: Well, I mean, just the relief I felt, even though, you know, I don't need your eyes on me 24 hours of the day, just having you in. In our home, in my space, knowing that you were there. I've just felt calmer inside and safer and, you know, not so anxious.

[24:35] FORREST FIX: Well, I do, too, now that I'm much closer.

[24:39] JOANNA FIX: Yeah.

[24:40] FORREST FIX: You know, just in case there's a fire, we can put it out. But, yeah, having to come home to a burnt pit, it kind of concerned me a little bit.

[24:50] JOANNA FIX: Well, yeah. I remember the standing rub roast that one of us did catch up that.

[24:58] FORREST FIX: You put in the glass pan that wasn't Corel or wasn't Pyrex. Yeah. And split open and leaked grease into the fire, into the oven and started a fire.

[25:15] JOANNA FIX: And then you tried to put it out with the fire extinguishers.

[25:18] FORREST FIX: I did put it out with the fire extinguishers.

[25:19] JOANNA FIX: Well, then why did you throw it outside in the snow? And then we hot. And then we ate it. I cleaned it off, but it was delicious.

[25:26] FORREST FIX: It was really good.

[25:27] JOANNA FIX: I don't know if we could put that recipe on the Internet, though.

[25:31] FORREST FIX: Fire retardant.

[25:33] JOANNA FIX: This is how you make a tissue.

[25:36] FORREST FIX: Let it catch fire first and throw it into the snow.

[25:39] JOANNA FIX: Catch fire and then spray it with the fire retardant. And then throw it outside in the snow.

[25:46] FORREST FIX: So let it cool off.

[25:47] JOANNA FIX: Obviously, a holiday meal. We're gonna have to.

[25:52] FORREST FIX: Christmas by the fire.

[25:55] JOANNA FIX: Christmas by the standing ribbon fire. Oh, my gosh. Okay. All right. So you have to jump in if you want to ask me stuff, because I'm just asking you stuff right now.

[26:11] FORREST FIX: And I already know everything.

[26:13] JOANNA FIX: I know you know everything. That's one of the things I love about you and sometimes. Sometimes irritates me. But I guess I just get to ask you. So you remember how we met, right?

[26:24] FORREST FIX: Yeah.

[26:25] JOANNA FIX: About a block from here on the Internet.

[26:30] FORREST FIX: Oh, that. Yeah. Met online, but in person.

[26:34] JOANNA FIX: And my dog pressed the keyboard. At that time, it was just apparently.

[26:39] FORREST FIX: Pippi. Yeah. Yeah. I got an email on the website, and it said. All it said was, hi there. Somebody typed something to me. I read her profile, and something in her profile piqued my interest, so I wrote back to her. Turns out she never actually typed, hi there. She put the mouse on A button and let the dog push the mouse button, click it, and it automatically generates a message that says, hi there.

[27:04] JOANNA FIX: Well, my dog thought you were cute.

[27:06] FORREST FIX: Well, so she wouldn't even put the effort in to actually type the words.

[27:10] JOANNA FIX: I didn't want to put. I didn't want to invest. That would be like seven keystrokes. I didn't want to invest.

[27:16] FORREST FIX: Yeah, I can see the fear there. Yeah.

[27:21] JOANNA FIX: Hey.

[27:22] FORREST FIX: Then when I first saw the picture, it was very small and I couldn't quite make it out. And at first, she looked like an otter.

[27:27] JOANNA FIX: Me or my dog?

[27:28] FORREST FIX: Dog.

[27:29] JOANNA FIX: Okay, good.

[27:30] FORREST FIX: Yeah. No, you didn't look like an otter.

[27:31] JOANNA FIX: Okay.

[27:33] FORREST FIX: It was like that, an otter. And I looked closer. I had to try to blow it up a little bit and find out it's a little dog.

[27:41] JOANNA FIX: Yeah.

[27:41] FORREST FIX: So that's okay. So not worry about otters. They can bite.

[27:46] JOANNA FIX: I can't believe we were just an eighth of a mile away from each other.

[27:49] FORREST FIX: I know.

[27:50] JOANNA FIX: Of all the people in all the.

[27:53] FORREST FIX: World, all the emails I got on that site, they're all from Denver and Alamosa and all the online dating sites.

[28:01] JOANNA FIX: You had to walk into this one.

[28:04] FORREST FIX: It was the free one.

[28:05] JOANNA FIX: I know it was the free one. Certainly wasn't going to put in six or seven keystrokes. I wasn't going to put any money either.

[28:12] FORREST FIX: Same here.

[28:15] JOANNA FIX: Well. So how did you know? I know you always say you had to think about it. How did you know? How did you know Was there when I. When I tried to make you play Scrabble? I mean, when was it that you felt that this was going to go past the first, second, third date and maybe into forever?

[28:39] FORREST FIX: Well, I knew it was going past the first date on the second date. As far as when, I don't know if it was just. I don't know if I can just say the light came on or it just was an assumption. When we met, it just seemed like, this is really good. And all of a sudden to me, that was. That was our life. All of a sudden. It wasn't. You know, I'm thinking about it. I was just saying that, but it's like it wasn't a.

[29:09] JOANNA FIX: You're playing hard yet.

[29:11] FORREST FIX: That's what I was telling you. But it never. It wasn't just like a. A light clicked or, you know, I fill a bunch of checkboxes, which I never had. But it wasn't one of those things. It was just. It was just almost an assumption as we spent more time together.

[29:31] JOANNA FIX: I remember during that first date, when we first met, and we were outside at Suga's. I don't remember what I was eating or drinking, but we were having a good time.

[29:43] FORREST FIX: Lavender martini or something. Lavender in it.

[29:47] JOANNA FIX: And we were laughing, and we were. We all had kind of an audience.

[29:53] FORREST FIX: And it was like we were entertaining them. It's like, why are they having fun laughing at our expense or what's going on?

[30:01] JOANNA FIX: And we were. We actually were laughing at other people. And it was fun.

[30:07] FORREST FIX: We were laughing at each other.

[30:09] JOANNA FIX: Well, but we were mostly laughing at other people.

[30:11] FORREST FIX: That was kind of funny.

[30:14] JOANNA FIX: And I remember that. I remember. I guess there were so many markers, like points in time where I went, yeah, I want to see you again. I want to see you more. I want to do something next. And I think on that first date, I remember spending three hours getting ready, and you texted me that you needed an extra half hour because you'd taken a nap and fallen asleep and needed time to get dressed. And I'm thinking, this is so incongruent. Here I am, you know, spending all this time getting, you know, bathed and makeup on and shower. Yeah, but you were just completely relaxed about the whole thing. And I was, you know, really trying to put my best foot forward. And then I remember, so what happened? Well, no, that was my best foot. That was the best I could. But, no, I just remember we were talking about. I mean, there were other couples there and some, you know, girls, you know, doing, you know, girls, afternoon out or evening, whatever it was. And, you know, there's attractive women, you know, in the world. And I remember thinking, this is so not something that I could ever achieve anymore, this level of, you know, dressing a certain way. I know, but I didn't know that. And I thought I was. I was hoping that you were not expecting that. And I remember you saying, not all guys want that. And when. That was just one of the.

[32:00] FORREST FIX: You thought I wanted Malibu Barbie.

[32:02] JOANNA FIX: I thought you wanted. Yeah. I didn't know if you were fancy. I didn't know if you were, like, fancy to the point where fancy needed to be the norm, or it could be, like, fancy on a fancy occasion, or if you could just, you know, not ever have fancy and be okay. And so that worked out. That was really good. So I think we're getting close. But I want. This is my favorite. This is one of my favorite stories, is you were working the day that I went and got my diagnosis confirmed. You know, I'd had that PET scan with the IV stuff, and I called you from the parking lot because I figured it was Just going to be the same same old follow up that had. Had been for the last four years of them trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And I guess that PET scan with the FDG stuff that they put in the IV contrast was, Was the clincher. And I remember calling you from the parking lot and you said, okay, you were leaving work early and you'd meet me at home. So you called my dad that day.

[33:22] FORREST FIX: Well, I was in the car when you called me on the way back. I was going to leave early, but I was on the way back to the office at that time. Then I called your dad and I set up a lunch up in Castle Rock. Say, can I take you to lunch? And he thought, free lunch. Sure. I'm for that. So. Okay. But I set up the lunch to astine for his blessing for.

[33:49] JOANNA FIX: To marry you on the day we got the diagnosis.

[33:53] FORREST FIX: Yeah.

[33:55] JOANNA FIX: So, honey, what's wrong with you?

[33:58] FORREST FIX: I'm still trying to figure that out. I mean, maybe I need a PET scan. Well, just the diagnosis didn't matter to me, you know, it's just. That was just something to deal with. And the diagnosis is almost a relief because we had an answer.

[34:17] JOANNA FIX: Yeah, that was a huge relief.

[34:18] FORREST FIX: Now I know what we're dealing with, which I didn't know that much about Alzheimer's, but I sure found out. So when I got back to the office, just started digging into it and finding out what I could. And like I said, I found a few tidbits that helped out that provided me information that could be, you know, useful for us. And we've been implementing some of that, but found out that medications really don't seem to. Don't work. There is no cure. Most all these medications actually say they speed up the process. And even though we tried one and it was a fail, which we know, we, you know, we took that jump and it failed. So we're not doing it anymore. So we're handling it. I get to choose more holistically, I guess you would call it.

[35:09] JOANNA FIX: I liked that about your background too. That was something that was in line with. My belief is I like to approach things holistically.

[35:20] FORREST FIX: The alternative, I guess they call it.

[35:21] JOANNA FIX: Yeah, the alternative approach. Because you are not risking the types of side effects that you are with some of these pharmaceuticals. Well, I mean. And I mean, people would always ask, well, was he worried? You know, when you. Basically you had decided, you know, to yourself that you wanted to get married to me, you know, that day that I was diagnosed and it was, it was just you know, were you worried that we were running out of time or you were relieved that we knew what we were dealing with or we had already talked about being married some point in the future, and this was just the next thing that we needed to kind of catapult us forward. What?

[36:05] FORREST FIX: Yeah, I guess it was kind of the push.

[36:08] JOANNA FIX: The push. Okay.

[36:09] FORREST FIX: Because it was one of those things, you know, oh, we can get married anytime. It's like. And it wasn't so much that or not our time was limited. Yeah. Once much that time was limited. It just seemed like I was just the thing I need. I thought I needed to do, you know, and I wanted to do. Yeah, I wanted to do. So actually, I asked him before I asked you. I guess. Unfortunately, you said yes.

[36:35] JOANNA FIX: Well, I know. And I, and I just. I love, I love sharing that story because it's not the typical story. And I think that sharing that with others hopefully gives them hope. And I hope so. You know, that. I mean, I couldn't be more in love with you or me. You.

[36:59] FORREST FIX: Realize it's not the end of the world. It's a different world.

[37:02] JOANNA FIX: It's the beginning of a whole new life. Right. And honestly, it's kind of a relief to. I mean, it's not all about memory, but my goodness, I don't want my, you know, my headspace to be taken up with remembering every single thing and being right, you know, and having the burden of having to be right too, which is a burden, you know, to remember. Okay, this, this was yellow when it was really green. It's like, who. Who cares? This is just not important anymore. So I'm. I'm really glad that you enjoy being right, sweetie, because that, that you can take that burden on.

[37:42] FORREST FIX: What. What's the date and time?

[37:45] JOANNA FIX: And I just. I love you so much. I just couldn't ask for a better life than the one I'm living right now.

[37:53] FORREST FIX: Nor could I. This is the best. And we're gonna make it. We make it the best every day. Well, you know, it's just a matter of. We'll continue of deciding to do that.

[38:04] JOANNA FIX: That's right.

[38:05] FORREST FIX: Not to sit there and wallow in misery, but to put it Aside, it's the 800 pound gorilla in the room. But nothing says you can't kick the 800 pound gorilla into the backyard onto the tire swing.

[38:16] JOANNA FIX: I prefer an elephant, but if you want to go with gorilla, that's fine.

[38:19] FORREST FIX: Elephants don't fit in tire swings.

[38:21] JOANNA FIX: That's.