Julissa and Argo. Julissa interviews her best friend.

00:00 We are natural storytellers. It's what makes us human. David Issey of StoryCorps describes oral history interviews seek to record and preserve in depth accounts of personal experiences and reflections. Welcome to walking the beat. You're tuning into our oral history project. This is our part in documenting knowledge, capturing the hard earned learning, making space for legacy so we can build forward. If we want to know about better policing, lets build off of the efforts of a chief who does that. If we want to understand the impact of lockdown drills on children, ask one there is great intimacy in listening, allowing a beloved to unfurl their wisdom. There is also risk for us. We might be changed a little. We offer these testimonies as historical documents. The stories are as diverse as the people. What can we learn from each other about the conditions for safety? What is our role in interrupting violence in our communities? How might we collectively challenge violence as a culture and replace it with healthy habits, not just bodies? How can we protect each other's psyche? What might a story about a time we felt safe tell us about necessary public policy? Youth in the walking the beat program learned how to conduct oral history interviews on matters of community violence and public safety. We'll hear from a judge, a detective, a police chief, an elder, a third grader, a reverend, a social worker, a bunch of teenagers, a drama teacher. We have so many folks show up from our community, and we have you. Let's listen.

01:53 Hello, my name is Julissa I'm in the Elizabeth Public Library. It is 03:26 p.m. and today is December 16. I'm here with.

02:07 My name is Argo Eyte I'm in the Elizabeth Public Library. It's 326 and it's December 16, 2022.

02:20 So first, before I begin our interview, I want to tell you how important you are to me and this project. As my lovely friend since we've been friends since childhood, I would love to know your opinions and your own feelings and beliefs on life and safety itself. So I'm going to start by saying that you were one being recorded vocally. So no, nothing visualization. And if I write anything, I'm not writing down anything that you were saying. I mean, yeah, I'm just writing like, questions or things I want to ask about. And I start by asking, what is your biggest regret?

03:03 I think my biggest regret, I think my biggest regret is like, I was in a relationship for about nine months and I just wish I could have ended things and communicated better, you know, things sooner before, you know, it became like, to the worst. You know, I just always kept waiting and waiting and waiting, and I just wish I could have just, you know, you know, talked about things sooner and been more honest about stuff about how, you know, they made me feel. And instead of just waiting, it just caused him fear. So I think that's where they get really.

03:50 Can you tell me more about why it's your biggest regret?

03:54 Because after the breakup, it did affect me a lot. You know, I was in a bad place mentally because, you know, it was, like, a lot to take in. Like, I just took in stuff and, you know, I never, like, let out things until, like. Like, they decided to break up and. Which led me to, fortunately, having a really bad episode and then going to the hospital for a few of them. And I kind of just wish.

04:27 Is there anything that you've learned from that relationship that you want to carry on with your future relationships?

04:33 Definitely. I just feel like I should just care about myself a bit more and, you know, not trying to fully accommodate to someone just because you just care about them fully and just try to, like, learn boundaries and set them and just, you know, but it also was my first relationship, so, you know, the.

04:56 First relationship's always pretty rotten. Me. You know, you're learning new things, and so it's fire. It's reasonable. It happens. So since this year is starting to come to an end and it's almost the new year, is there anything that you have learned this year?

05:14 I think it's just kind of, you know, again, just trying to do stuff that makes me happy, to just kind of be better with myself and treat myself well instead of just always constant doubting myself and, you know, and, like, I think that that is just my whole thing. Like, I don't know, just. I'm trying to learn how to truly, like, is just accept myself as me and just trying to find out, like, about what I really like instead of just, you know, again, accommodating or just, what, caring about what other people think or just taking it to heart and just kind of focusing on this.

06:03 What are you doing towards accepting yourself and making yourself feel better?

06:08 Um, I. So recently, I have a job, and that's been exciting, and I've just been really working hard to, like, you know, finally grooming out and saving money and, you know, just doing. And since I'm 18, like, I can, you know, have a bit more that freedom, and it's like, you know, so I'm just. I guess I'm just kind of just learning how to, like, you're good.

06:43 Don't worry. You're doing great and being amazing. You're doing fine. I was, expand on it.

06:48 Expand on it in a way. Like, I guess I'm just working really hard and, like, I'm actually doing something instead of just kind of letting things just, you know, rot in bed and just so I, and I think that's what's making me feel better and what's becoming just better. Just, like, working hard and setting goals, boundaries, setting, making coping skills and just being just better and surrounding myself with the people that I love.

07:14 And just. What are some coping skills you've learned throughout the year?

07:21 I guess it's just one of them is definitely on. Just talking about your feelings, just talking it out, writing it out, just doing something, just trying to express it in every possible way. I think that definitely has helped me, and that helps me. So I think just expressing it in every other way, it's just one of my coping skills.

07:46 What are some ways that you express your emotions?

07:50 I guess I express my emotions by, you know, I guess just as, you know, sometimes I like the right, you know, you know, sucked down, even if it doesn't truly make sense. Yeah, but it makes sense to me. Like, I just have this little journal and just truly help. And I think that's how I express myself when I'm, when I need to express myself and when I don't have another person to talk to or, like, any other way. And, you know, through my style, through my queer identity and just feeling and accepting myself would just be, like, entre everything to me, all that kind of stuff and through music just throughout, you know.

08:42 So how has being queer helped you see things differently? Aided you, like, all those things. How has it helped you?

08:51 I've definitely. Being queer is definitely really important to me. Cause I just, like, I see things a bit more, like, different and a bit more accepting, you know, and, you know how, like, in life, like, society is just always so, like, strict on, like, beauty standards and, like, how someone is supposed to look and act and, you know, gender roles and stuff like that. And being queer has led me to believe, like, you know, that there's just more stuff to be, like, open about and just, like, you could do, like, so many things and appreciate, like, the stuff that, you know.

09:35 Like, you don't.

09:36 Normally are shamed for.

09:38 Mm hmm.

09:38 And I hope I'm making you sure.

09:41 No, you're doing fine. You're absolutely amazing.

09:43 But, yeah, like, I definitely just am just open with everyone. Just, just like, you know, either you ever fat or skinny, you know, body hair or not. And just like, I just seed the whole, like, just beauty as a standard just to be like, hey, we're just me. I know it's who are my queer identity, but definitely just. Yeah.

10:09 How did you learn to accept your own queerness?

10:12 Um, I guess it's just by trying out, you know, new stuff in a way, like, just kind of exploring and it was like, you know, experiencing, you know, it was like, different genders and, like, just talking to other, like, queer people has definitely, like, helped me too, in a way. And I've, by doing all of that, I kind of just learned, oh, this makes more sense. This, you know, is more that and, you know, finally not like, in a confused state like I was before. So just, I guess, like, just building up experience with, like, queer people in general and just exploring. And I think that there for me.

11:01 Can you tell me any specific experiences that you've had that you find to be really positive in your exploration of your own queerness?

11:09 I think it's just having, like, having queer people in my life, you know, and hearing what they go through or hearing just, like, what they've been through or how they feel. It was like, hey, like, a lot of the time, some I very much do relate to, you know, and just, you know, obviously TikTok is a great app, too, just hearing about everybody else experiences. So it's just having people and queer people and having be access to, like, see, like, queer media and all of that definitely has helped.

11:40 So are you saying that social media and media in general has had a good or positive effect on Brandon's, like, queerness?

11:49 Yes, you know, from more like, definitely. I do still think that there still lacks a bit of representation of queerness. And I definitely think that, but just, you know, just having people around you just kind of, like, okay. And then, like, liking stuff and just seeing just all of that stuff in general just. I'm really grateful having that made sense. I don't know how to explain it.

12:14 Like, you know, yes, I understand what you're saying. You do?

12:20 Great.

12:21 My next question is, what are your dreams and or aspirations for the future? Any goals you spoke about your job and stuff?

12:30 Yeah, I really, really want to do psychology. I really like psychology. And just because, like, I recently been through the medical field and I see that there should be more, like, queer people in, you know, psychology and, like, being able to, like, counselors and stuff. And I really want to just, you know, be a change, you know, it was my experience, too. Like. Cause I know, like, I've, like, been through like, you know, the whole, like, you know, stuff was the hospital and like, mental health. And I just feel like I wanna help other children specifically. Cause, you know, having children and, you know, children, they learn stuff and, you know, brain is starting to develop and it's good to just like be there for someone at young.

13:29 So, you know, can you expand on.

13:32 That with the power? We'll expand on that. I just feel like, you know, we are, since we're like children, we kind of like, learn certain behaviors in people, our household, which could eventually affect us in the future. And it's sometimes really hard to unlearn those behaviors. So I, as for me, I wish I had like, someone, you know, or an individual to just. To just help me through that when I was a child. So, you know. Cause like, it just took time to unlearn those behaviors and I just want to be there for someone that needs it too. Or like, specifically like children.

14:18 Yeah.

14:19 Since it's like.

14:20 Is there any specific experience that has led you to wanting to we go into the psychology field?

14:28 Oh, yeah. It's just like, I was in this program called partial Day program and it's basically kind of just, you know, like, kind of going like. It's kind of like the psychiatric hospital, but you get to go home. So I'm like doing the same activities we did, therapy, just go home. And my experience was like, being a queer person there I was and not seeing a lot of like, you know, queer people that work there. Just having someone just talk about, you know, my identity and all that stuff and the lading I've. It was kind of a really hard experience. Cause I did suffer a lot of gender dysphoria there. And like, even when I spoke about. Even when I spoke up about it, you know, kind of. I still felt invalidated because like, no one truly understood. Understood. So I kind of just made me realize how, like, wow, there's definitely needed more of just like. Cause again, like, you know, just, I feel like that just plays a big part in, like psychology specifically, you know, since like, there's a lot of queer kids that are maybe trying to find out or just think they're confused and I kind of just be there. Be like, hey, like, I understand what you're going through. Like, I'm queer myself and like this and that. And I, you know, someone that truly knows and experiences and I feel like I could use my experience, my bad experience, like for good and to help people. So at that beats.

16:08 Yeah. Speaking to that, do you think that there should be maybe more queer education or more diverse education within the psychology, I guess maybe that would have helped your experience a bit better, do you think?

16:22 Yeah, that most definitely. I think so.

16:27 Do you want to say anything else about the partial day program? Is there anything other that you want us to talk about?

16:34 I think I also just kind of wanna just talk about, like, just like, you know, maybe bowing.

16:48 You're good.

16:51 Yeah, I guess it's just kind of like putting your beliefs aside, you know, especially in day program where, like, sometimes I see a lot of the bas.

17:03 Or, like, what are ba.

17:05 Well, it means, like bachelor, like degrees, but like, they're family specialists that are there. And, like, from my experience and being in a group therapy, like, I've seen them talking to other children and being really unprofessional about it and just kind of like, you know, just kind of push shaming their beliefs. Like, but like, you know, and not in a. Not in a positive way. Kind of more like a. You don't even know what you're talking about. Cause you're here and, you know, just treating them, like, horribly and also, like, using status sheets. Like, if you, like, drop status, that means, you know, you get lost privileges. And I feel like that whole system is just wrong. And if you do a mistake, you drop stats and it's really strict. And I personally, for me, I don't think it helped me. So, yeah, I just kind of want to.

18:00 Can you tell me more about why you don't think it helped you or why it didn't help you?

18:04 I just don't because, you know, seeing. Cause it did affect me. Cause I always just believed that I needed to, like, stay on status. And that really affected me a lot. Cause, you know, I'm like, I was scared to, like, do a mistake or, like, maybe speak up about something I did and, you know, just say, oh, you're gonna lose status. So that means you're gonna drop a lot of privileges and, like, stuff that, you know, we're just gonna take that away.

18:30 What exactly is status?

18:33 I guess it's like, you're gaining points every single day if you, like, are, like, good and then if you're on the right track, because everyone's there for, like, specific reasons. Like, it's not only mental health. Some people are there for drugs, so people are there for, like, anger issues, and people are there for anxiety, depression. But you just have to be in the right track. And if you're not on the right track and maybe you kind of, like, took a turn, then you drop status. Like, completely, and it just ruins your whole, like, streak and, you know, that you worked for just because maybe something minor happening or, like, you know, you mess up, but, like, I feel like that's the whole point of living. Like, you mess up, but you continue on, and I don't think, like, just, just based on, like, oh, just worrying about just a status and, like, I think it's just, it's just not helpful. I don't know how it's worrying, like, but, yeah.

19:25 Thank you. Is there any other dreams, like, anything, whether it be, like, school related, your job right now that you have any goals for, or even mental health wise, any goals in particular that you have?

19:41 I definitely, I think mental health wise, I definitely, like I said before, after I move out, and I definitely want to just learn how to maybe, like, after I move out and then out of that household. So I kind of definitely feel like I want to try to unlearn the behaviors I learned there and just truly find myself and, like, do things that I actually like and, like, just be myself and just stop, like, thinking about, like, you know, like, validation from other people, you know? So I feel that that is my goal and on that aspect and.

20:30 Yeah, how about. So, job wise, since you want to study psychology, what exactly do you want to become?

20:40 Um, I think I kind, I really want to work with children, so I kind of, I'm, like, thinking maybe, like, a school counselor, you know, and I want maybe just, like, working in a PHP that leads people like me. So, like, like, a family specialist too. Just kind of. Just anything that's involving, like, children, even a therapist. But I have to, like, see, but I definitely want to, like, study first and maybe when I find out, like.

21:19 When I, like, ten, house.

21:22 Okay.

21:24 Is there anything in particular that is holding you back from unlearning certain behaviors?

21:32 I guess it has to do with my household. It has to do something with my household, I think. I feel like it's just where I'm at right now is not truly the best place to unlearn. Cause I keep. It just keeps reminding me, so I think that's what's really holding me back.

21:57 Is there any way that you could take steps forward right now? Step. Take a step forward right now in, like, unlearning behaviors or anything, like, making yourself feel better? Are there any steps that you could take or you are taking?

22:11 I'm currently working right now.

22:13 Yeah.

22:14 And I feel like just making my own money and just starting by that. Starting paying my own things and just. But doing stuff for myself and buying myself and stuff that I needed. And I think definitely it's okay. I know that. Yeah, it just.

22:41 Yeah. Okay. Also, so what do you need to feel safe?

22:51 Okay. So I think for me to feel safe is to just be more accepting of myself and truly say it is to be more accepting of myself and to truly love myself and just realize a lot of the things that I've been through are not my fault and just kind of heal the inner child me. So I feel like that when I could feel truly safe, like, about everything and just feel. Instead of just feeling scared all the time.

23:33 And what do you do now to make yourself feel more safe?

23:41 I always just go to my friends. You know, they're the ones that, like, I feel like I could, like, be myself again and just feel happy and just. They're just kind of, like a getaway from, like, everything, you know, I like. Or just people around, like, my friends just, like. Yeah, they're really important to my life, and I just feel really grateful that I have people like Peter when I care about me, so.

24:08 Yeah. Are there any specific moments with your friends that you view fondly of?

24:14 I guess it's just, like, any time I get to spend with them and just talk to them and just anytime. Honestly, it's just the best time for me, you know? I really like quality time.

24:32 Like, I think that's their love language.

24:35 Yeah, quality time.

24:36 It's my love language.

24:37 I love it so much. Even if it's, like, for a little bit, I just love it so much. And, you know, just also gift giving. Like, you know, my friends send letters to. Send letters to them.

24:49 Oh, that is so cute.

24:51 And I just really like that a lot. And I think those moments are just so nice and sweet.

24:57 Cause what's the best letter you've ever received or best gift from a friend?

25:02 I can like, we like. It was. It was definitely, like. It was, like a package, and it was, like, really cute. It was, like, things that remind me of you. And it was, like, a plushie there. And then there was, like, random, like, knickknacks from, like, the thrift store. So I like how, like, a little clown statue and also a letter. And it was, like, funny, like, corny dad joke. Gift cards. Not gift cards, but, like, greeting cards and, like, a really nice mecklens and. I don't know, it's just, like, I just appreciated everything. Like, I don't know. Like, every gift that I get. No, knowing that, like, the thought of me is definitely the best I've ever.

25:41 You know, so what is your favorite thing to do with your friends? It's just like, is there anything in particular?

25:52 Like, I guess it's kind of just walking specifically and talking.

25:58 Walking and talking. Yeah, walking and talking can be so therapeutic.

26:02 So therapeutic.

26:03 I love doing it with my sister, actually. She lives a bit away from me, but when we do hang out, I remember one time we like walked for 5 miles all around these different parts. We went from park to park to park and we were just talking for hours. We left like early in the afternoon, then we came late at night. I love walking and talking. It makes so fun.

26:24 It's just.

26:28 Is there a particular place that you tend to walk to?

26:32 Yeah, actually, we tend to just walk around, like, like places to have really nice houses. And then like, we'll like just. Or sometimes when I'm like, walking alone, I like, I just need to like, call them. So I'm just walking alone and like, it's just a really nice neighborhood with like, like cool victorian houses. I feel really nice. Like real, really good. So I think those are my favorite places to walk by. Just. And it's, yeah, not busy or anything else.

26:58 Busy.

26:58 Oh, that's so cool.

27:00 Are there any hobbies that you do that make you feel safe or make you feel good even?

27:04 I recently, I, again, I really like playing video games. I think this is making me really happy right now, just playing video games. I've always wanted to. Cause ever since I was a child, I could never afford a console for anything like that. But now I can. Now I love it and it's again healing my inner child and I didn't really like it. It's really happy.

27:32 So. Yeah. Are there any particular games that you play or anything that you play on?

27:37 I've been recently playing like story mode. Like, not story mode, but like kind of story games. Like, I'm playing this wig game called Horizons and it's really good and the graphics are amazing and I just really like it.

27:48 Makes me happy.

27:49 Makes me happy.

27:50 What do you play it on?

27:51 I played on a console that I recently bought, which I spoiled myself. Yes, I did. They were happy about that. Super great, I think.

28:00 How did you save for the console.

28:05 And just save up? You know, I like every, like, it was like, hey, I'm getting money in my asphalt, like savings. So like, oh, like maybe like $200, give me a paycheck. Finally got it from my coworker. Gave me for like pretty cheap. Usually it's like $1,000 for a console, but like, he gave it to me for like, 600.

28:27 You do it.

28:28 That is so, like, it's worth it. It's like, I'm really happy about it. Cause it's like, oh, yeah, I always wanted this, so.

28:33 Mm hmm. It's really nice to be able to, like, buy the things that you really, really wanted. Like, I love. Ever since I got a job, that's my favorite part about buying things. I'm like, I saved up for this. Thank you, baby. Thank you.

28:48 I bought a leg with my own money.

28:51 Like, it's so. Something about it is. It's so great. Cause I think it's also since, like, for majority of your childhood, usually your parents or someone else is buying all these things. So when you finally, like, you're able to put in the hours and you're able to see, like, all the time that you spend at work, how it's able to, like, make you feel better in your day to day life. Cause no one truly loves their job. Yeah. You know, like, I love my job and make my money, and then my money makes me happy because of the things that I can buy, you know?

29:21 It's like.

29:22 It's so great. I, like, I love bite, like, really good things for myself. It makes me feel so good.

29:26 Yeah, it's kind of like a little princess.

29:27 Okay, thanks.

29:28 Treating her so. All right, princess.

29:31 So I'm assuming that's the best thing you've bought thus far with your money.

29:34 Well, yes.

29:37 Are there any other games that you play?

29:40 We're just reschooling. God. So I'm still learning, you know, I'm still learning. I'm still buying games, exploring stuff, being out.

29:47 Let me think. Yeah. Oh, that is so great. What do you think our role as teens, students, anything. Children of parents and such. What do you think our role is in safety? What do you think that we need to do in order to make either other people feel safe or ourselves feel safe? What do you think?

30:10 I think definitely is to just go. I mean, I speak up honestly. The irony, very buckspot. I think it's just, like, speaking up about everything about, like, you know, emotions and, like, just in general, you know? Cause if you hide things, that's why psychology is just so important. And people should just deserve to, like, just talk about everything and use your voice for good and improvise, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think. And just because, you know, back then and, like, history, a lot of things are, like, referring, like, hey, we don't really talk about that. Like, about, like, you know, periods and, like. Like, vaginas, genitals they're just like, all right, let's talk about that. And I'm like, but, like, that's normal. That's the human. And I just, you know, just being more open about stuff, I think could be safety, and people could feel, hey, wait, this is normal. This is good. I feel safe right now. And.

31:16 So talking more about taboo subjects would help with the normalcy of, like, everything and about everything.

31:23 And it's like, no, just come on to you.

31:26 Is there anything specific in your experience or any experience that you've heard in which openness has either helped them or you feel safe?

31:39 I think definitely, you know, being in, like, queer spaces, it definitely has helped me be more open about stuff and be more. And seeing stuff more openly. Cause it's just so normalized, you know, just talking about and feeling comfortable. There definitely is boundaries. Yeah, there's definitely these boundaries, which I really like, and they're set. And I felt, like, in those queer spaces, like, I learned and just.

32:11 Yeah. Can you tell us more about what you've learned in those spaces?

32:17 I guess also just about, like, ye around outer bodying and stuff like that. You know, specifically, like, in queer relationships where it's kind of like, you know, if you've seen heterosexual relationships, you know, a man usually wants, like, a woman was like, you know, a specific kind of body or, like, specific weight. And, you know, it's just more like our women are supposed to be more seem like, you know, like, specifically straight women, like, cater to that. But I feel like, like being me, like, queer and like, all that. I feel like I could just to whatever I want and just be myself and just like, the things that I like and just feel more accepted because it's kind of like, hey, you're different. I'm different. And I don't know, it's just like, kind of like a t for t. Expand on that. Tell us more about that. It's just kind of like, you know, just dating other queer people, surrounding yourself as other queer people is just very mind opening and very, just safe. And especially you as a queer person, because being a queer person and showing yourself with people that are really not and they don't understand is very overwhelming. And it just makes you feel kind of in a dark place where it's kind of like, well, I don't even know if they would get it or not, so.

33:47 Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense to. You're doing great. You're doing absolutely amazing. Like, I love everything that you're telling me right now. You know, actually, can we just since you were talking about psychology while I just asked you that question, can we circle. I want to circle back to psychology. Is there anything specific that attracts you to psychology other than the children and something like that? And aiding the children, is there anything specific that. It's like, wow, that's, like. That's what I literally need to do, you know?

34:21 Um, I think it's just, like, the simply. I'm just, like, helping people, you know, and just, like, just, like, you know, helping people.

34:34 You know what I mean?

34:34 It's just, like, knowing that, like, someone is there, like. And I'm not technically more like, oh, I just fixed this person or heal this overdem. Like, at least made their day just maybe a bit better. Just by talking about it or letting things loose, I think just makes me really happy. Cause, you know, like, it just sucks. Like, you know, when you have. When you just gather all these things inside you and just feel like, you know, you can't open up about it, really. And I understand the feeling, too, so knowing I could do the same and again, use my experiences and for good and, you know, using that, like, as a way to also cope you in a way. So I just feel like just this way of just helping people, honestly. Just helping people. Any minorities, too, just specifically, but, you know. Yeah.

35:39 So I ran out of questions, actually. You answered all my questions phenomenally. Is there anything you'd like to add to this interview? You can say absolutely anything. Anything you want to touch on. Touch a bass on. You can just. Hello.

35:58 This, I guess, just, I guess, die for me. This is a place, like, there's so much, you know, good touch on.

36:11 Like.

36:16 It'S just to really, like, I mean, it sounds like.

36:24 What's that? It's okay if it just. This is a safe space, right?

36:30 This isn't safe in space. I feel safe with you.

36:34 Great.

36:34 Great. I guess it's just, like, in a way, just, like, eventually and, you know, just surround yourselves as, like, good people, you know? You know, don't be good to yourself. Be good, because you deserve it, you know? Deserve a lot of things. A lot of people deserve a lot of things. Don't always constantly bring yourself down, because, you know, just. Always just learn how to accept things and take accountability and just. I hope that makes sense. I hope I'm, like, the hard time just kind of. You just. I'm still not, like, you did great.

37:24 Thank you so much for coming in today.

37:26 Thank you.