Kao Lee and Vang Vang

00:05 My name is Vang Vang. I'm 47 years old today's date is Monday, March 22nd, March 2nd 2020 in Fresno, California. My interview partner is Callie and he's my husband.

00:23 Hi, my name is, last name is Li 47 years old and today's date is March 2nd, 2020 currently live in Fresno, California, and I'm the one that's being the interview and I'm D husband.

00:41 I know that we've known each other for a long time and even though we were both born in Laos, I don't really have any memories of it and I know you do. So, can you tell me a bit more about you know, what were the hardest moments you had while you were growing up?

01:01 Well

01:05 I me every aspect of you know timeline of my life. It's always been hard and she's talking about I know it kind of hurts, but

01:16 When is the thing I do regret?

01:21 Well, I mean, I don't regret being born but the things I do regret being born at the wrong place wrong time. I'm not sure that make any sense.

01:31 Just letting you know I was born in Laos.

01:34 1972

01:37 I mean according to history and the Vietnam War was supposed to end count point but the things that you know, the Navy in the Air Force they got him fall, so

01:47 It didn't actually officially in like 1975.

01:52 So we'll keep me that that was always like the hardest face of any award that you can get into cuz retribution.

02:00 And it's retribution for helping like American soldiers coming out for Father's Day that they didn't know any better, but

02:08 The thing is that to me, you know, there was no help in sight cuz the things a lot of soldiers they been recalled already.

02:17 So

02:19 In all the vehicles they crossed over the eastern part of the Border in the hunted us down like in or ads.

02:27 There's no help.

02:29 So it's always been hard cuz the thing is that

02:33 They say every single aspect of my life is always been difficult because the thing is said since like the day I was born. I mean, there's no kid that should ever be able to go through that kind of, you know tragedy So Gone from their Crossing

02:51 Through you know thousands of miles of forest.

02:55 To the western side of like, you know Lord allows Crossing to me calling, you know, just going through the concentration camps.

03:08 Heikkinen by you know families has answers. We are sponsor.

03:16 What I meant hard is that every single phase it's always been difficult because the thing is that I was born in loans it so I can throw country. We don't have any education.

03:26 Not a single word of English.

03:29 So going through baby's face. It's been difficult, even though we're taking the ends by sponsors by United States that you have to learn everything.

03:38 So every face has always been difficult.

03:43 Thank you for sharing that with me.

03:45 Like I said, I don't have a lot of fun memories of Laos. I just have some memories of Thailand when we were in the refugee camps and you know me just and I'm about 3 years old and you know living in places that

04:04 Now when you think about it's just basically shantytowns and so

04:11 It's it's sad it's kind of hard but it's those things that I think make us who we are today. And why what where we're at today. I think that's where that determination and that will to live in to survive come from. I don't know if she is always talking about all these fantastic stories always telling the Sun.

04:49 You know we met when we were in freshman in high school together, and we've been together in that way for a long time. It's about 30 years and how would you describe me now? If you were to go back and meet me at you know, when I was 15 years old what has changed and what decked out the most to you about me.

05:18 Would actually get some brownie points if I told you you ain't here. I mean you always very cute person.

05:34 Am I allowed to go friends before you but you and this worried about you. It's always been interesting because I mean I never really told anybody about it. I never told him that you were actually an introduction through my older brother and also my cousin. Yungtown.

05:54 Is the thing is that I did a lot of girls in a thing. It says yeah, they're great for the things that person I was not there. So I asked I asked Rick to actually ask and see if he had any friends and then he did recommended you and then at the same time my my older brother pal. He actually work with you on some kind of summer training was a t a that's what it was. So that was interesting for itself.

06:25 And like I said, it's like the first time I came and saw you just the way how you speak the way how you carry yourself. I didn't interact with you cuz I was just there observing.

06:36 So we got your

06:38 I knew I don't know about you as far as you know, love at first sight. I don't know how you feel about that. But yeah when I saw you I was like, yeah, definitely. She's too yeah.

06:49 She's the girl for me. Will you didn't talk to me at all? You were just sitting back and it was Powell and yang that were talking cuz I know you ain't because I went to school with him Rick and I know power because he was wearing Summer Bridge and he was a TI-84 that so to me he was just an instructor. So I was talking to them and you know, you never said anything. So I just thought I would know what he just probably bored to death or something and then so what would you say?

07:29 To me then now that we had all this time together while I'm here. I wouldn't I wouldn't do anything different or you lived your life. I didn't want to intrude.

07:45 And when I saw you I like you a lot, but the only the only issue is that even though we're born, you know the same place same age.

07:56 You were just cute you just too young cuz I was more into like older older women.

08:03 That's why it's you if you recall.

08:07 It wasn't until you know five or six with no. 2 3 months after I first came I didn't interact but the thing you said, you know that disappear for a long time. Right? Just that one time meeting and where I did that for a reason cuz the things that I still had to look into it to see how I'm going to fit that into.

08:30 You know what it is that I want from you because of things that you were cute and all that used to be too young so

08:37 That's the reason why I dated for like 5 years.

08:43 I wouldn't I wouldn't do anything different to say anything different though.

08:48 Now that you know, we have kids and they're 12 and 9.

08:54 What do you want your children to know about your military service because that did play a big part in my life.

09:06 Yeah for them. They're too young to understand.

09:11 And of course I did it.

09:14 And we have kids where where were you laid into the

09:19 And the career cuz the thing you said now we have time to ask to reflect on the things that we want things always like and we don't like

09:27 Of course, everything is done for them. But the things that they wouldn't understand I did it for a particular reason cuz the things I like I said, I was born in wrong place wrong time. But the thing is that you are smart enough to understand that.

09:42 Elite therapy shouldn't be with anybody out there this more than you are so.

09:48 You know what just that mentality, you know, you're able to persevere.

09:54 And be a person you are today, but for me personally, I want to understand that.

10:02 Yo dying for something is not always the right thing to do, but the things you just gotta understand that you got to be committed to doing things that you know even is going to cost you like that you're doing the right thing.

10:17 And that you can be anybody you want to?

10:20 That's if you just put your mind into it and for me, I did that for a reason cuz it seems that there a lot of people to help like my older brother's atone.

10:32 He saved not only us but hundreds of the families when we cross the Mekong River we came over here.

10:40 Therapy know the sponsors. I wanted to thank all the people that never helped us fight through to get Refugee cans all these individuals I did for a reason because it's not only because I'm obligated to so the thing is I want them to actually live a good life tooth. That's what my contribution is and I couldn't I couldn't easily be like, you know police officer went like that. But the thing is that how I was born and raised and where I was at

11:12 I wanted to help at like more like the international level. That's why I actually went through with the military for that reason cuz you know, this country has given a lot to me. So by giving back not on it's not only but just give them back to your children. It's helping the people here. That's cuz honestly freedom.

11:36 You know isn't exactly free and it's always comes with a cost at Bledsoe.

11:43 I did it for that reason cuz it's more like a duty it's just not because you're obligated to

11:49 I know when you made a decision to enlist and even though I was there with you and I asked you I say no. Well, you know you were accepted to Cal Poly SLO. I mean, why would you want to listen the military? And I knew that a lot of things are going on, but you just kind of said, you know, this is something I wanted to do. And so I never really thought deeply into it. So that's reason I'm asking that question at for you to give me that answer I understood and now I understand why you did what you did because that did play a lot into our life into our relationship because there was a big distance between you and I even though we were separate still together. Yes, and I knew that I would school and I was trying to

12:42 Don't have

12:44 Make something good for us. I still miss you a lot every day and it felt like I was your girlfriend like I was your wife but it is still feel like we're so separated. So it was kind of really difficult for me to when I'm always surrounded by my family that we have big family. So I'm always surrounded by them and for me to be alone that way especially with my parents living in Wisconsin, and I was at Santa Cruz. It was just very lonely.

13:17 So if I wanted to ask you cuz I never really did push it when you first made a decision to do so.

13:29 Cuz the thing is set up for me.

13:33 Like I was telling you a little while ago that you know, when I first met you I disappear for you know, several months before re-engaging with you cuz the things I have to decide whether you're going to be the person or not.

13:47 So what then I was in the military or not, it doesn't know what the distance is.

13:52 The thing is I went through every imaginable in a conflict in tragedy is not about me being depressed because of some kind of chemical in Balance. He has nothing to do with that just that I've been through so much. So just a little distance between me and you you going to school cuz I like you the way you are. Yeah. I didn't want to restrict you in either way. That's why you went where you know, I let you go wherever you want to go even though we were married. It doesn't matter. The whole point is that distance shouldn't be an issue.

14:31 I guess playing game helps that helps in the evening for together. I think I wanted to ask you is you don't.

14:45 When you were talking about the military, did you have an idea of what it would be like and that you became involved in it. Just not as an enlistee, but as an officer, how does that change your Viewpoint or has that changed in a week? Would that have changed your decision?

15:10 It'll going to military. It was always been a decision word. I wasn't uncomfortable about doing so.

15:19 Two things that when I got in so just more like helping

15:23 So I enlisted and then

15:27 But the thing is I done what I can they're ready, but it wasn't enough cuz I came back and then I went through the officer Corps and then

15:36 I went through the military officer Corps became an officer you have Livermore latitude.

15:42 As far as what you can do and where you can go.

15:46 How many troops you can control?

15:49 Cuz you know the life is in your hand.

15:53 So as far as your question is concerned.

15:57 It has everything to do with it the things that I like the things that I do.

16:03 But not only is it because it's a career that I'm interested in. The thing is that my life has already been, you know part of this timeline already. I want to be able to help people because you know, those that are very need if I can actually help even if I'm just a little speck.

16:26 That's part of that helping hand Emmett. It matters to me because in this lifetime, I mean, what are we without her honor in the reputation? You know me.

16:37 It's all about you helping people.

16:40 In that same line

16:43 What are your hopes for your children?

16:47 I mean that like any other parent.

16:51 When you want the best for them.

16:54 But the things in this in this lifetime, I think I've done enough where they would have to go through what I did. I shall I sure hope that they will have to go through that and just like anybody else. You just want them to be happy.

17:13 Find someone that they care about hope I'll still be around to answer your question. Yes.

17:28 That's that's all it is. Just like any other parents. You just want them to be happy.

17:33 I hope that I've done enough to help them.

17:37 So make sure that they don't make the same mistakes like others have made or go through the same conflicts and honestly, I do believe that.

17:47 You know a little conflict here and they will actually shape their personality. But the things that they wouldn't have to go through what I did.

17:56 And

17:58 They may not be as strong. So if they went to the same issues.

18:04 I mean, I don't want them to be a broken person and I

18:08 I just hope that I done enough.

18:12 To steer them in the right direction, but that that's all it is to me. I just want the best for them. Just like any other parent.

18:21 I mean that's for me kids.

18:26 When I was younger, you know with my parents they have so many kids, you know, I have four sisters and three brothers and being the eldest. I was very skeptical about having kids not a lot anyway, so that's how you and I only end up with that too. Because I feel like I want to have kids but I don't want to have so many that I you know,

18:49 Like you're killing act like you know, what you don't want them to be left behind. So you want to give them enough attention but not spoil them and I feel that too is good because that way we can really give us some time to them. But at the same time have time for a self as well and I know that you know, you you weren't the oldest and your family. I'm so you were part of the younger. How does that shape you about when you raising kids, I know that we both have kids and raise them together, but a lot of times you don't really understand why we do certain things. So you being younger and I was the oldest and it for me was just always more like do it this way because I said so, you know, that's kind of how I kind of grew up in my family being the oldest. I just have to cut it supervise them and tell them what to do. It's almost like micromanaging and I hate that but I've discovered

19:49 Sometimes I do that without kids right now. So that's reason why for you I do see that you have more time to give them a little more patience and a bit more time. So that's the reason I eat. I have keeping this a 70% of the campfire kids and done by you. So how do you feel about that to you? Are you okay with that? Nothing really bothers me?

20:15 Like I said many times I may have gone through the whole Perfect Situation.

20:20 I lost my father and also, you know my

20:25 Play 3 for my older brothers.

20:28 So the things I had to grow up very quickly.

20:32 And you know taking care of kids. I mean, I don't have any issues with that. Cuz the thing is that even though I'm like one of the youngest one, you know, you had to take in a lot of responsibility because of things that everybody had a pitch in.

20:48 So even though yes, of course, you are the oldest in your family, but the things that I drew a lot of experience for my father because my father he easily my mother is a towel when he married her she was like the oldest in the family. They had like three or what she had like two brothers and like three other sisters. So in our culture normally, you know, when the guy marries you you go with the the guys family, but unfortunately, my father became lucali / tell family because when he married her she was she was like the oldest

21:33 But the father of her father and my grandfather got sick so my father decided stayed with my mother.

21:41 So that's why so for me I drew from that someone high when I look at you. I'm the youngest you're the oldest. So chances are I'm going to run into the same issue. So it'll be like at least last rain, but it didn't turn out that way because

21:59 You know, this is a different time different time. So it didn't happen that way. But to me, you didn't bother me as far as taking kids cuz you don't like taking responsibility at very young age already.

22:12 I don't know if you noticed but it doesn't really bother me.

22:18 I know you talked about your dad and you lost your dad when you were very young. What is one memory that you have of him that you think you'll always remember about him. I remember asking my brother up at them. I said Hey, listen, I was really young. Can you tell me how my father looks like it's just as well. He looks like you like pow. Are you say it like me?

22:47 But you know, I just knew that I had a father.

22:55 I don't know how he looks like.

22:59 Because then I was really young enough to bother you was always busy because he's like my brother pal.

23:06 You know, he take some responsibility. So he's busy all the time morning is gone.

23:12 Night time you never even seen him come back. So he's always busy working all the time. It's great.

23:21 You know being for fighting stuff like that, but to me, the only thing I remember is you know, he spent time taking me Shear just do a little hunting here and there were taught me how to trap animals and stuff like that, but I don't remember anything about him.

23:38 I know you told me the story about how him teaching you how to trap and that saved your life. Can you tell me that story again?

23:51 Then I'm going to ever going to be able to take it out my hair cuz I think you said while we were running.

23:57 In places where it's kind of remote.

24:01 They sent troops in.

24:04 They did everything they can to actually exterminators and those that they couldn't get to basically they loved like artillery shells.

24:14 Hannam, the first 10 the first time they came in, you know, you just hurt some whistling and you look up.

24:22 And you know

24:26 The tree canopy disappears right in front of your house to me, even though I was like 3 4 years old.

24:33 I didn't take a lot. He didn't need a lot of convincing to tell yourself that you have run you're going to die.

24:42 So my grandmother she grabbed me.

24:47 And that we ran because it was kind of dark at night and we didn't see so sweet as she ran into the river. So we are all trench and we ran to the mountains and we were basically cool no clothes. No protection. I mean nothing we were starving and I remember my father teaching me how to trap so that's how I was able to survive because the thing is I was able to track some rats. I know it's nasty, but you know what? I'm a life you're living proof that you know, he pays attention it pays to pay attention to you know, what others tell you

25:30 That's how I survived because I remember I don't remember my father.

25:37 But I remember some of the teaching so that's how I survived.

25:43 About your mom. I know that you know, she was a single mom after your dad died and she was able to keep the family together with the help of your older brothers and we can you guys came to America and she passed away a couple of years ago. I'm almost a decade now, but what do you remember about your mom? What is the one thing that stood out the most about you that your mom did or said to you? I've always been close to my mother. I mean, I do have a younger brother and younger sister, but the thing is that that was there were too young to understand. So I went with my mother everywhere weather if it's farming.

26:26 Weather just to go get some vegetables. It doesn't always have been with her someone when I lost her.

26:34 It hit really close to home.

26:39 I know you were away for a long time and you know, we were all together at the end.

26:48 Yeah, I mean.

26:52 Out of military for a long time, but you know

26:55 Likes and was very close to her. So

26:59 Even though she's gone now. It just one of those things where you don't believe that she's gone.

27:05 But

27:08 You know just one of those bastards just got to deal with him. She's gone, but she still here now.

27:14 But she influenced a lot lot of things I've done in my life. It's huge because my mother and she could have easily remarried.

27:23 When you know my father died.

27:26 There were I remember there a lot of instances where?

27:31 You know my older brother standing at me say

27:34 But there's a lot of guys that came in, you know, you're not happy Merry and said they think it's a really big thing cuz you guys to come in and quarter of the time even though my brothers they hated, you know, it's not in the right to tell me to get the email get out.

27:52 So my mother and she could have easily remarried, but she didn't she didn't want to lose all the sons and that she had

28:01 So through that experience, you draw upon things like that because she couldn't remarried and took off but she didn't do it. So that plan login love is sufficient is that I make my life too. So don't play that was close to her.

28:15 And yeah, a lot of things I've done is base because of my mother.

28:21 What lessons have you learned from life that you would like to share either with me or with any of your kids?

28:32 I mean

28:35 Life has been hard.

28:38 But the thing is I persevere I met you have kids have done great things. I mean.

28:46 Jumping off Airplane parachuting helping others Around the World Travel places. It's great. You ain't even at in Iraq to know.

28:58 It's great and all but the thing is that to me.

29:02 And there's one thing I want them to know and understand is that you know, whether you believe in God or not the things that one thing I want to know everything that I do know, is that whether you believe in God or not?

29:16 I mean God only helps those who help themselves and like I said in situations where

29:22 You see and I'll tell her he's blowing up in your face. You got to help yourself. And what are you doing? Whatever it is that you want to do. You can always do and the one thing I know for sure one thing that's not on my side is time.

29:38 I can do pretty much anything I want to do but time would never be on my side. So you just got to take advantage of whatever it is that you want to do.

29:48 And you know your son your daughter if they one day they want to listen in on, you know, our conversation here is for them to understand that they can be and do whatever it is that they want just be true and be honest.

30:06 How would you like to be remembered?

30:10 Will anything or anybody be on you? And my kids chances are then never going to remember who you are? No matter.

30:21 How you look what you done how much money contributed even if they have the biggest statue of you?

30:31 And nobody can remember you. They just know that you done something good.

30:36 But I sure hope that if I pass before you I will expect that you remember me as a good person that you are.

30:47 You know, I live the good life that I was happy with you. I will expect at the kids to remember that I was a good person.

30:57 That's cuz all I am and all I will ever be is for the living. Is that just

31:06 Image a memory. That's all it is and why the good or bad? I sure hope that they remember me as a good person.

31:18 I just wanted to

31:20 Thank you for coming with me. I know it's kind of hard when I first brought it up to you and I asked you and I was like, how is he going to go for it? But you could tell me a lot of stories and all the years that we've been together. It's like bits and pieces here and there and I've always wanted to capture cell parts are some moments of it so that way I can remember it or so. That way you get up with the kids can remember it so it's just

31:50 A piece about life Estates that we done things that we said that brought us to this moment. So that's the reason why I asked you to come talk to you when he ask you a couple of your thoughts, even though we talk to each other all the time. It's always do you have something down so that you can always listen to it. So I hope hope that you know, you're okay with it. I didn't even ask her to say this is what we do and I just dragged you here. So that's just that's you. It's always been hard for me. Cuz the thing you said no kid should ever go through that kind of trauma.

32:29 Cuz the things that you either come out of it, you know on top.

32:35 Or you were going to be on but the whip like a chemical just to stay seen. I mean I seen a lot of people in my shoes and they're gone already. They just can't handle it.

32:49 You just got to be smart enough to know that you know what you are not any different than any one of those, you know people out there.

32:58 You can do it too. And anybody they should have the same mentality. But yeah, I don't have any issue. I'm just glad that I was able to

33:07 Give just a little Glimpse. I know my

33:11 Told you some of the stuff that I could have been hard because it's not something where you know, you can just easily just tell her even though you're my wife. It's still hard to tell.

33:23 Because I'm not like a computer where you can just selectively just pick and choose or memory that you can actually raise its there.

33:34 And no matter how fantastic

33:38 Pet Sounds

33:40 It's part of my memory and it will never go away so I can you do when you hear of course. I'm more than happy to share with you.

33:51 Anything else you'd like to share now. Well, thank you.

33:58 And I'm glad I'm happy to be your wife. So, thank you.

34:06 You were the missing piece. So I'm glad that things worked out.

34:11 B2