Keisha Head and Diamond Jasmanae

00:00 My name is Keisha head. I am 41 years old. Today's date is May 13th 2001. I'm in Atlanta, Georgia. The name of my recording partner is Diamond. Blunt relationship is, she's my daughter.

00:16 My name is Donnie blank. I'm 25. Today's date is Thursday, May 13th. 2021. My location is Atlanta, Georgia the name of my record apartment relationship my recording pregnant.

00:37 This is a wonderful opportunity. I have thought about this for weeks and it is one of the conversations that we were intending the halfway before. This opportunity came available, and I just want to start by.

00:55 I'm saying to you as your mother.

01:02 I just want to tell you things about me that I have never probably Express. So, as you know, my mom, she was a schizophrenic mother which means she had mental illness and I threw up mother was.

01:19 And that.

01:22 Factor in to all of my being. So everything I've learned about mothering, everything that I've learned.

01:31 About life or based on my experience is that I had throughout my life.

01:37 So, with that being said,

01:41 What kind of impact have I made on your life?

01:47 Well, I would say growing up, it was hard.

01:55 Garner, it was hard. But now that we've been around each other and learn more things about each other, in a great influence, how a person can change involved in spiders different circumstances, that life that don't throw me away.

02:18 But I would say, we know positive impact really show you how to you know, when you down. I'm ready to go to work.

02:32 That's amazing because even going through that, you always been my strength when I wanted to give up when I wanted to just call it quits. I would always think. Wow Diamond. I have to get my life right for diamond or after even though I popsicle happen. On my way in and circumstances just by being in like without the proper structures in the proper support.

03:03 Even though I went through all that, you have always been like the light. That's why I named you Diamond. I didn't even understand that the impact of

03:19 Of how that would be to call you diamond, diamond, diamond me, and everytime. I look at you light, light light. So that is then.

03:30 So inspiring and to see you knock out obstacles in a way. I never would have been able to do it and still push forward and still.

03:42 Overcome has been especially as an adult woman like you 25. When I was 25. I was liking the

03:50 The spiral my rock bottom like going down but watching you live your life and reverse you're in the spiral of reaching mountaintops. So it's just amazing how I

04:04 You're staying in the room.

04:08 Just resiliency and tenacity. You have overcome so many things about you inspire me.

04:18 Like you might look at me and say, oh my mom, my mom, but I'm looking into him like why all the time? It's like the inspiration that comes from that. What if you can change anything about a relationship with you?

04:35 I will change the absence of light. I was sorry for blowing up. Like I said, it was hard because

04:47 I kind of sound like being at my grandma house if I come from a big family and by me being the oldest, it was a lot of responsibility. Not a lot of hardship that I know even died at my family. When I feel like they always try to give me extra shelter, extra support because of certain things, you know, my mom and dad, not any kind of, I don't know when you feel some type of way, but it kind of made me feel.

05:24 Again, you know, how you can be lonely with a whole bunch of people around cuz people don't really understand like they give you 15 or so. Erase really nice. What you need at the moment, emotional, when certain things. I'll sit down and talk about with my mom, had to help me with you. I didn't like my first bicycle Lord, you know how to, you know, do my hair and starting stuff like that? Like I was looking like a little boy. But, you know, you can, you can see the apps.

06:24 I'm about money. I could see it. Like, real real religious about you like it, nobody and other things like that. The mother-daughter bring cheese and stuff like that. And now when I look up, my mom was in your shoes.

07:09 Well.

07:13 It's amazing. How, what I've learned at 41 is that life? Your life coexist with other people lives and I didn't understand that.

07:27 20 or 17 or 19, or 21? So I went to prison at 26, that was three years at like those weather credit cuz you were ten and those were the most critical years to attend. This is like your sister more than she seems like that's when you learn and then buy me been in prison. Can't come. It wasn't a point where it was like, so I was while you were going through that, I was grieving every night, crying myself. It's like wow and it wasn't made me realize is you never understand a good thing until it's gone and she was taken and I have to agree that along with you, and that's when I realize like, wow, this is a generational

08:21 Cycle like, 10 year old selves.

08:29 As you know, I was being sexually abused. I was angry. I was, I was missing my mom at 10. So it was like the same thing happen in the next Generation. So that was my thing. When I got out of prison. I was like, I got to break the generational cycle and then you got Parvati. And then you have other factors of stability employment that I couldn't get because my,, but, like all these other things play, but even understanding like that had an effect on you, and it created a band and it's just like it had on me. And not really understand. Why when you sit in other people don't realize like the impact that you may always say that.

09:24 I came in on the picture of my mom's journey and it's just like throwing a rock into the water. You know, how creates those ripple effect like

09:38 I'll look out at all. It was like, what was the trauma that caused that impact to create those generational effects on us. So it's is, as I get older. I began to realize like, wow, what was my mom story or what was her mother's story or what was so like the generational thing, but what I am seeing ever gets that, it gets better. Like I'm sure my story pants so far less than my ancestors story and your story will be greater than you know, mine. So as weak as we journey

10:18 And how, the question I have is, how do you mean that?

10:23 How do I use men? That that pain because that may help. I know that,, I'm not going to even say that may have caused me. I know that cost because I felt that pain before. So I'm not going to stop being a decent car and it but I didn't I didn't take any of it, like, okay. Well, what are you going to do? Are you going to allow your anger, or your beauty needs to get me or you're still needs to go into the same cycle? Or are you going to, you know, I trust yourself up and do things different to get different results, so

11:23 The biggest part of me, I forgot, especially understanding that everybody go through something everybody else through everything. I can't hold, I see because of some decisions they made in the past because they'll probably be the last a long time. I had because I felt like it because the first couple years using a so-called life wondering where you work me and one day. I got a phone call and told me no.

12:23 I mean crazy. And I was tired and you praise in the hall and yeah, it was their way or I will always win because I used to be worried,, you know, just a thought but we make it a thought to try to get him and then

12:58 You know to help me out with some of the time cuz it was making me bitter and it was making you making me hard to trust people to talk to people to be a relationship and I started acting out in school and stuff and I never forget if it's Monday and he was like I'm doing on the streets or just like your daddy out here. If you don't get yourself together and just offered acting a fool because you know, I'm on my way back and forth and then I have like this the first time, you know.

13:58 Ashley.

14:09 Different programs that can help me with. I read, you know, certain things like that. But once I realized, I had to be the one to Break these purses and my mental Washington, she came in because I was into music. And one day. I was just in the chorus room just in the dark room, sleeping clothes cuz I want to go to class. If I did say they won't clear the longer you travel, but I'm thinking about the road by one is Less Traveled.

15:07 And I feel like I miss you baby, how you a lot? And you got a Clear Vision of where you going? She said, but if you continue to be angry and bitter to stay, while I was in my life, every seat. Still encouraging, you know, to to keep traveling on Hitt Road in so long ago, but you know what I realized about about yourself. How, how much are and how, you know, how much?

16:00 Eugene, what's the what, how, how much were your license plate on other people? Because I look at other people who made a different decision or, you know, making some of the decisions that I made and you can tell the difference because my my life I wouldn't be and I'm still talking about how I mean it. I have to put a purpose and see where I was going to die. When I was 13 years old.

17:01 For me, with mended

17:06 I don't want a man because I kept getting banged up for me traffic and change my life. Like it's from 1626, like the first time I was introduced to my pimp.

17:25 Trafficking the whole trajectory of my life, it changed. And I think the only thing that separates us is in the business directly how many people in the world 8 billion?

17:41 Somewhere around that figure. But there are a billion people in the world. We all haven't dissonance mean, I'll have him different thought processes. And what I've learned is the only thing that separates us is our experiences and we only allowed to view life through our own lenses.

18:05 So, if you weren't there, I can tell you how it was, but it's something different than actually being there in the moment and having experienced the difference. Like, there's some places you've been that I've never experienced. I've never traveled. So when you tell me about it, I can have empathy, but I really can't really understand how it affected the inner working of you. Something that Mindy is a journey. Like,

18:36 She was going to be yours. Like prison saved my life. It literally gave me the like I didn't have to worry about what I was going to lay my head or I was going to support my cuz that was my biggest from 12 years old up until

18:53 26. That was my greatest worry every day. What am I eat? When I'm asleep when we go and when you become from 12 to 26 though, that's a how many days is that?

19:09 14 year, giant like this. A 14-year mold that I was in survival mode. And that's why I understand in survival mode and coming out of Survivor, come out. Like, you have literally help me in that way of why I'm safe. Now, I can land now, I can.

19:31 Start to build because even now the things that happened to me as a child. It affects the woman that I am and having to go back and kill the inner child and have an also mend things that broke on the outside far as my children people around me because you don't realize the fixed. Like I used to complain and blame everybody for everything, but not remember the attitude I had, there was a reason why they stopped answering cuz they didn't do anything. I was cussing out right then and there and then wonder why they didn't answer. So, next time, I began to see like even though these bad things happen to me. It doesn't give me an excuse to be a horrible person. It doesn't seems like, I have told you many things, like, I wish you was never born things. Like, in my anger, like you've been blaming you so I had to learn

20:27 Accountability, I had to learn.

20:33 I'm not to say things that are hurt like it because that's what I heard, all my life. And when you hear things on your like, you're stupid, you never going to be in think I'll be just like your mama stinks. The teacher told you, those are things that my aunt told me like some. And as a child begin to believe, they don't tell, don't tell me stuff like that and I realize why I'm not like I was being a challenge it like you said, I'm not going to do something. I want to show you. I can do it like a candy store.

21:30 Why you ain't going to lie, you might as well I know and stuff. And so I was like waiting is not know who I am and I couldn't allow that because I don't and I don't and I have to be in. If I don't know. I don't respond. You just giving you like. I know when I got something, I let me know when I don't do. It is an estate me up, like, Nazi all increased. I like and I went in there and I took themselves and not exceeded over everything, you know, and

22:31 Alex and I always believed in fate, always had crazy Faith, always felt like it and I didn't like always believed in the things that you pray for all my even friends watch family and stuff like that is very important that we introduce. Even though I was born for you presently. My mom has the same way, but it's amazing how I called him. Your village has stepped into those gaps and and nurture those things and you that needs to be nurtured and it's not always your mother. It could be us for me and you G Mama.

23:33 Passed away in December of 2020. So she's going to be missed. But what, I know what I've learned from her I've learned, I've learned how to hold my head up to spider. I've learned how to not make your excuses because those are the things that she in my life to earn and not give her the benefit of the doubt, because she didn't share the same experiences, but she was still making it. So it is out. She's always been my motivator to not give in or give up.

24:17 So it's funny that you mention her. Not not funny, but it's not even surprising but it's an honour to mention her in and honor deceased issues Planet. So I'll

24:34 When I came from prison.

24:37 How have you been watching me going through transition? And what has that look like? It's really like you had to adapt. Like you, what do you think that was 2009? And let me just give you a pizza for here.

25:16 Good night, with others expect. You would have came home homeless. And so I felt like someone who made this decision that you made and I felt like it was selfish that I didn't understand, like, I don't know, but I've been in that that cycle since since the beginning, beginning relationship, toxic relationship.

26:01 You were still in survival mode. So it was like, you was trying to figure out your place or whatever. But of course, I don't understand. Girls first, nine months of working because yeah, because at that point, I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted and I didn't want to stay in relationship. Like, I got out of real and I've always been like this abusive man that I see have Tendencies to be abusive. I get out. But you when you move in with somebody, you can't just leave. Like it's so much that goes in today.

27:01 How do you like Habibi? I was seeing to see that. I didn't understand because my flight. Okay, my mom home. I'm going to be spending a lot more time with my mom again to know, but it was that it was different, but I don't understand what's going on. In the round is just not comfortable, cuz it was just like, okay, like that. I was never stable. So I was always bouncing around from house to house the house and I'm like, you know, much more. Now that you popped up in my auntie house is like I have married now, and I'm just loud.

27:57 I was just like, I'm at their picture, but it was just like a real fast. It was sick. Yeah, I got married to my husband. But if I knew, I wanted to be married.

28:15 But yeah, but you have to understand I'm a trafficking Survivor. It is very hard. Let me tell you how my relationships with. When somebody saw the tattoo on my back. They would treat me. Wait, if that's what happened. Your mom can cook out. I mean, cheesecake out somebody told Twan.

28:39 And you know who told them when I go name a name on it and told someone that I was with a pimp and he came so that change. That was the end of that relationship and that happened so many times in relation to the point where I stop being a relationship with men because of the judgment on Space. You don't know the impact. It is the for, somebody know your history and for somebody to judge you by your history and and you can't even have it. That's why I didn't even tell I didn't see until we were married.

29:16 Next time being a 13 year old, my mama comes home. We don't play that worth inside because your mind then calculate traffic analysis until I was 13.

30:16 I know my mom is in jail or no, it's always something different. So I didn't know because

30:25 I didn't know because we didn't ever have that conversation.

30:30 So,

30:34 When we did have that conversation for you because I never knew that specially when I went to someone your first speaking engagements. And to actually hear your story, you know for I'm not really want to know why I thought I was out here a lot. But I never knew your true, especially when I was going through when I had a promiscuous and he put me in a situation where, you know, I feel like you had to tell me because I knew you watching me.

31:28 Ever, you know, being relationships, but I thought that was me in survival mode. Banking relationships equals ability, but I had to learn different and Marin Derek and my husband. I've learned that stability. Like, I never like to be with my, I've never even in traffic, like the things that happened to you or not. What makes you feel like you have? The are you have to decipher what belongs to me and what was given to me? And I think learning that I was able to open up in and help me and some things with you. I'll be available in my Independence cuz I'm not okay with

32:28 Okay, I'm working on now and what it has meant a great as we continue to heal and we continue to learn.

32:49 Learn the impacts of our experiences in in

32:53 Cool, I got to ask you if it's okay. What is your, what is your greatest mistake? But now, one of my biggest fear is dying and dying and leaving my kids out here, but I think my greatest successes is mother, all of my children are amazing. Human and just having the ability to be there.

33:33 I have an impact. Now. I can't go back and change the past but I can create memories like if you think about it, all your good memory, outweigh any bad. So and just creating good memories with my kids are my greatest successes are my promise from God and all of y'all are just amazing. I want you throwing balls. So yeah mother again.

34:09 I'm so sorry. You feel your baby?

34:17 It is going to die before. I just want to be in communication with a bird on the window. I just want to let you know, if he said not a Siri, are you get my boyfriend? So just sit because I've been with you all your life. So this is like wow, that's why it's so important to do what we have to do now on it.

35:14 Well, thank you. Thank you, girl.

35:20 Email.