Kelli Watson and Julianne Coyne

00:03 And Julianne guy, I'm 30 years old. Today is Saturday November 14th 2020. I'm in Amarillo, Texas. My conversation partner is Kelli Watson, and we became friends through the Panhandle Behavioral Health Alliance.

00:24 And I'm telling you to Lose Yourself.

00:27 I'm telling you today is not the day November 14th 2020 and I'm in Amarillo and I am having my friend to I have been through the Panhandle Behavioral Health.

00:50 Perfect Kelly, do you want to start out until I tell us your story of learning about your getting your diagnosis?

01:01 So

01:03 Like I said, I'm 52. So, you know, I'm middle-aged and I needed to go to the doctor one day and to get my medications refilled and I was Newt and I went to this brand new doctor and I brought my refills and on my way out of the doctor's office and he stopped me back into the exam room and instead you are tired. Tell me, you know, tell me about this and he brought up questionnaire that had 20 questions on it and 18 out of 20 Questions later. He diagnosed me with major depressive disorder.

01:50 He do he just said that he prescribed and

02:01 It is watching that day and I'm going to say

02:07 No, it's your time card and you put on I've been too. This before and said I don't know what I'm tired and I just looked at me and said girl, but that wasn't the reason that I said it was it was major depressive disorder.

02:28 So tell you had no idea before all of us, but you had no clue.

02:35 I think I heard a quote from you. Once that I thought was really impact that you'd walk into a room and see people who are happy or laughing and thinks that they were faking it was all right. Yes. That's right. I know we know that. I have major depressive disorder months of my life and showed no, I would see people who you know laughing or do any and I really didn't that's a great thing. That's what I did.

03:11 You know, I'm just a fake.

03:16 What makes you feel like you need to fake it you just think that was what everybody did I just thought that's what everybody did you know, and so I didn't know that Rio emotional real that that was I didn't know that was real.

03:34 And so, you know, and I've I've been married a long time and I know

03:44 IPhone 7

03:56 Is he noticed you weren't Norwell?

04:00 He honestly in this is nothing nothing against ya.

04:15 How do you spell I haven't lost?

04:34 So when you got diagnosed what what happens next?

04:42 Well, you know unless. Doctor's office and I went out to my car and I cried because I was like, well, I'm freak called my husband. We're going to work this out. We're going to eat and threw his.

05:08 I've, I guess you would say I've gotten it together but one of the things that helped me.

05:19 I'm a car and some people are but it helps process depression help me.

05:35 Basically because of the things I feel but I don't know if I can put my own field on. Peace.

05:51 What made you decide to start doing art? Cuz you didn't do art before this, right?

05:58 So well, this is the deal. My dad was originally famous kind of Western artists and I've always loved and you know, I've done things you I never was really great of it. So I just kind of stopped but do you got me really started that haven't been haven't been late?

06:49 You said that your family was really supportive. What kind of things did they stand by you while you're learning how to navigate your depression?

07:00 Well, you know just just knowing that they didn't think that I was, you know, some depressed freak and just knowing that they you know, that they love me they would listen to to me and

07:19 They tried to understand where I was coming from.

07:26 Note that was because they really tried have had hugs for my five-year-old even though had mental illness there still a month.

07:47 Oh, I'm sorry what you did to help me into your art.

08:01 I mean I meditated and we kind of desserts but that's pretty much it. We don't don't see her.

08:26 Have your therapist giving me some tools to manage all of this?

08:35 Of course and one of my favorite is sunshine.

08:42 And it may sound silly but it's really important. And so just now in him get out and go for a walk 30 minutes a super helpful for me and the Beautiful.

09:08 I want to watch a picture of an ugly but I noticed when I don't want it, I noticed that it's you know, that it really but that is a tool that helps.

09:32 If I don't do it.

09:42 Tell us a little bit about what it was like before and compare it to what it's like since you've gotten treatment.

09:53 I don't have to think my emotions anymore. I can help you. If something happens joyous happen. I can feel those real emotion my life, you know.

10:17 I wish I was in bed all of the time. It was a good day if I could get up and get your ass.

10:25 And I just thought that was normal.

10:30 And Mall

10:33 Do you know if I'm not feeling well, but

10:45 Then I have and I can really love my family and not with the fake those emotion.

10:54 Was sweating really hard raising kids with low energy and hard time engaging emotionally. It was very difficult and I'm just going to be honest. It's it make you believe that because I wasn't such a winner. You know in Santa Maria.

11:22 I just was able to get these young mom, you know that I wasn't.

11:42 Yeah, I understand that.

11:45 That's one of the places where you no family support. My son has six now he's

12:00 I'm so sorry that I wasn't a better mom and he was talking about.

12:11 Cast of Grease

12:16 The dog couldn't basically I couldn't go to the park. I couldn't depression.

12:29 What kind of coping skills did you have to I mean I had to have been very hard to live life like that in general and Beyond just parenting but your everyday life mechanical pencils to do to be able to just keep on keep on going.

12:47 You know, I really don't know. I don't know that I'm now that I think about it. I don't know how I did that.

12:55 I really don't have no idea how I did that but you know it.

13:01 I'm just so thankful that and that you know that it's a new life and I love it.

13:21 He said his doctors had written off that you were tired. I think you spoke to one of them after this one.

13:33 Well before Amarillo.

13:40 All right. The doctor has my family and he's been friend of mine for years and I was actually the president of the nonprofit I'm using.

13:53 And when I was diagnosed with them and I and I was like look the next time somebody comes in your office and just say I'm tired and you told him.

14:12 That's not that's not enough. This is what happened in the diagnosis and she still has to do what he says the question. Are you coming? Okay, I'm tired and you know, he doesn't discount them.

14:39 Bomb Factory

14:48 So what did you know because

15:02 Cheapest to say do about antidepressants have quit working. And I know that that's a possibility and I think that my antidepressant my medicine have stopped working and

15:35 Visiting and Ali examine everything the docks figured out that I have anxiety, too.

15:45 And so

15:47 And I've marched to even a bunch of being skilled and 12 and true all of this anti-anxiety.

16:28 Added a an entire new of my artwork because my hands don't shake anymore there other things to do in my art that I was going to need to do before which is super cool.

16:49 What kind of things are you doing now with your art?

16:53 You know when I started a lot of them seriously dark and creepy but I am into I've been using lately. I've been using a lot of spray paint.

17:17 Yeah, and

17:21 Now I have done something around Amarillo and this year 2021 together with me.

17:44 Has put me in contact with the gallery and so I will be the first.

17:55 Super excited

18:02 What are you doing? Can you describe it creepy art whenever you started doing? All right, you know.

18:11 Hello it just right now I use the water because a lot of my heart is like a kind of like an assemblage of Art and I'll choose cuz I'm broken down on something up at the thrift store and always use things like that with my art and it's whatever and I'm useless because I never broken but the reason

18:59 By the end of the things I use in my art pieces, they were broken, but now they're beautiful.

19:18 Elephant

19:21 Thank you. You've done a lot of talking about your mental illness around town people to help them know that there's certain General. I guess my message in general is this cuz remember I'm 52. So I come from a generation where there is a lot of things when it comes to mental illness have high blood pressure, but it is not okay to have mental illness, but for me, my job is no different than high blood pressure and depression mod is my Google not too many people as possible understand that they its okay its okay its okay.

20:21 How to take bird medication

20:24 It's okay to see someone about them.

20:28 Sell my gold.

20:42 So that they can you know, I want to say get normal, but for me you were on a washing machine, but you know, just no so that we can help them. And that's my story that one of the reasons that I make fart and then I'm weird creepy Dark Art me and about.

21:18 Don't and I have a lot of questions. But once they asked the question, I didn't do that and even in my part if you both.

21:31 Mental illness everytime off exhibit something else make sure that that's out when I

21:50 Real

21:52 Because that know that's important.

21:57 Do you think that if it should have been listed stigmatized in your generation you might have been able to seek treatment earlier?

22:11 Are you sure you have the fact that I had no idea what was wrong with me?

22:26 Nobody talked about it. So you didn't know that. I didn't know 18 of those 20 questions.

22:43 Where I didn't know that was depression because we didn't talk.

22:50 So if y'all talk talk.

23:01 And I know a place when they're young adults.

23:31 Have a great you you called when I think your daughter after this and told her to start watching out for the is that right?

23:40 That's y'all Wella. I called my son and I told him what happened.

23:54 And it's honestly and he's been

24:07 It's good being able to kind of make generational change.

24:15 What kind of questions were on that questionnaire? Do you remember?

24:24 Is there a lot about your level 11?

24:28 Are you one of them? You know, are you tired? Are you like it? Ask the one question? Have you ever thought about killing yourself? And I watch I know I mean that was the only pressed.

24:56 Oh my goodness.

25:02 You know where people my age and older we're good at hiding that you know the place of the stigma you don't you don't want to tell my mom right now.

25:26 Cedar Lee Workman talk with their families and just like you would saying, you know your uncle had cancer saying our family if your grandpa diabetes and are you going to be aware and snow, but I have found.

26:00 They don't talk about it. They don't know because nobody talked about it.

26:06 It's work difficult, but patients to figure out why.

26:25 Know why is my weight an issue? What is you know, what is wrong? What is wrong? And how can I fix this generation standards? Damn? Hey, you know what that may be a symptom of mental illness

26:46 So now that you know, you have a lot more energy and you just feel healthy. Are you are there new activities in addition to your art that you've been Joy doing?

26:59 Let me tell you something. You know that doctor that said I was fat while honest. I was almost 90 lb. I love Thrift Shop. I'll like you know before I was like, you know.

27:28 Just let's just make this regard to pretend like we're about you. But now I have a grandson who's in the back and climb up all the TV show that stuff in it. And so I have just generalized more energy, but one of those same things that happened because I have generalized more energy as oh my gosh. I learn how to cook before but now I can watch like watching yogourmet.

28:25 Do something for my things in the kitchen and it's fun.

28:30 You know, I love that. I'm so glad that you picked up some new hobbies and excited to cook that's like I could hear your

28:42 I love it. Another thing that I really loved is Amarillo has a lot of immigrants and there are places in Amarillo that help help new immigrants when they're on their no transition into American life and I am involved with one of those places and

29:06 You know, I just I just love the immigrants.

29:10 And I love being able to help them and help them transition into a totally new culture and I was loved so having more energy who made you a blessing to our community. I love you know, my step dad and I was able to come down and and help him help. My mom is not in that great of help and you know help which I don't know that I would do before.

29:56 Yeah, oh my goodness right now, especially where you're having to take care of you be a caretaker for your mother really difficult.

30:08 Well you were suffering and he thought

30:15 I don't know if it was it would have been difficult to impossible to do this before.

30:22 That sounds like you did a lot of things that were difficult to Impossible before turned into Super wallet.

30:29 I don't think that I don't know. I mean, I think they are something something recently that that I want to do. I just have to kind of figure out how to do it and get her to go is up learned that there are classes called first aid for mental health the teeth, you know, I'd like to be able to teach that class. I have teaching in my history and Ellen and so I'm going to check that would be so great and if he can help connect you with that.

31:27 Because we the people trained in the area in it. It's it is a really interesting course because you learned I mean just like you learn to do CPR on somebody and CPR course you address an emergency situation and helped the escalate and other things in it was that you when the questions that you ask are you in danger of hurting yourself or others and that just that simple question can help you can help save a life and can you be so good at that?

32:05 Cute, thank you, and we could use more instructors in the area. If there's not enough, I don't know what goes into doing it but there are not enough courses right now for all of the need honestly, I mean

32:27 When when you not necessarily you but when someone thinks about someone with mental illness they think about that person who is filthy and we're grow old and talk themselves. No walking down the street in the middle of nobody thinks of normal me. But yeah, I am the face of mental illness.

33:02 Right and having the ability to kind of see somebody that you you know and recognize that he's helped be so good with

33:16 Yes, or to even be able to email somebody that I don't know be able to say Hey, you know, may I help you? Exactly?

33:28 And that is really what that programs designed for mental health. First aid teaches you how to tell somebody that you don't necessarily know but you can tell is probably in crisis and help them find the resources that they need or deescalate the situation to where they can get help. I'm really glad that you I think Covetous mental health issues to light a lot more a bunch of people who were playing before or now. You're just somebody who's kind of newly struggling.

34:08 I've actually, you know, a couple of people who merely struggling and it's like, you know, cuz they're like, I don't know. What's wrong with me. It's not your bad be okay. And yeah for sure if knowing what what's available in our area and how to get help would be useful Woodmont.

34:47 O'Kelly's, we were down for the last 5 minutes of our chat. Is there anything else that you want to say?

34:54 No, I'm just grateful for a job with someone.

35:14 Then you know that that's my whole it's been worth it.

35:23 We shouldn't have to suffer.

35:29 That's true.

35:31 What level of generalized anxiety all the time but it gets worse through this and

35:42 If if we can all help people find ways to manage their their mental issues it can help us all live healthier wouldn't it? Yeah, it would but I and I am just going to make this one though, whoever think that interviewing a person with, you know, diagnosed anxiety and there's a

36:11 Yeah, but I don't know. I'm grateful that I like that's what I've been doing all morning a really great job Tim telling your story and making the point of why it's important to reach out and for medical personnel, especially to not to be curious to come up with understand your patients better and to help them.

36:46 Yeah, and something else if your time if you don't feel if you just feel a little off and it's okay to ask someone after you talk to a nurse do something reach out to someone it is. Okay. I

37:08 Those

37:10 Thanks.

37:12 Thank you.

37:15 All right.

37:17 I think we're all done.