Kevin Ring and Edwin Reyes

[00:00] KEVIN RING: Okay. Good afternoon. My name is Kevin Ring. I'm currently in Seattle sitting with my spouse. Today is May 20, 2021. I'm 57 years old. We have been married since 2013, and I have been in the army on and off. I was embracing service here and there while I was doing contracting on and off since 1988. When we met in 1997, I would have been nine years into my career. At that point, I was a reservist living here in Seattle. It was Latino night at a bar up on Capitol Hill called the Easy. They played Latin music and it was kind of a fun night. I think it was a Sunday night. And I went out and that's where we met and started talking. At the time, I was getting ready to take a job as an English teacher in Korea. So I knew I was leaving the next month and I didn't know when I would be back, whether it was going to be a long term career or more of a short term thing. But again, I'm sitting here with my spouse and it's. Would you like to say hi, My.

[01:08] EDWIN REYES: Name is Edwin Reyes. I'm originally from El Salvador and I've been living in Seattle for the last 25 years. I'm 52 years old and I'm married to Kevin. We've been together for 23 years. Something like that.

[01:25] KEVIN RING: Okay, so we'll start talking to you. Do you remember when we first met and I told you when I was in the army? What was kind of your reaction to that?

[01:35] EDWIN REYES: Well, for me was kind of like surprise, because, well, I saw your body and you look in a good shape. I thought you were like a bodybuilder or something like that. But then coming from a country where we just end up like a civil war, just talking to a military guy was kind of like scary, intimidating. But you seem like a really cool guy. So we started talking.

[02:00] KEVIN RING: Yeah. And I remember we exchanged numbers and later on met up for Valentine's Day was a week and a half later. I ended up having car trouble. So I was hours late. It was the days before cell phones. My truck had never let me down in the all the years I'd had it. And the clutch went out and I was on my way to the apartment. So I arrived hours late. And again, there was. There were no cell phones at the time. I couldn't get to a pay phone. But I arrived hours late and he was waiting for me. And my roommates were making fun of.

[02:33] EDWIN REYES: Me because they thought you were playing with me. Oh, he's not coming up, you know, playing with your feelings already. So I was kind of disappointed, almost cried, and I. But at the end, he chore up.

[02:44] KEVIN RING: He bought me a nice Valentine's Day present. But he was smart. He said he had kept the receipt, which was smart because you can never tell people in this world. But I went to Korea and I was teaching, and I only figured this out later on. We were among the last. This is 1997, right before email became big is, back when long distance was still very expensive. We were among the last people to meet and get to know each other and eventually fall in love through letters. Because by about 1998, 1999, email had pretty much taken over. And so I would send a postcards from Korea because I'd never been to Asia and I was getting to know the place and enjoying. We'd only dated for a couple of months, but we had liked each other. And then in late 1997, the Korean economy crashed. And since I was paid in local currency, I was still getting paid, but the school, it was now worth half as much. And I had to send money home to pay debts and things like that. So I ended up having to quit and return to Seattle. And we met again, and we're glad to see each other. A mutual friend of ours had kind of kept things going, but not going between us, but he had someone to refer to. Her name was Deborah. She was from Ohio, like me and someone to refer to. And so that was something kind of nice. And so I came back and we started dating again. And have you remember the first time you went to base?

[04:26] EDWIN REYES: I do. Again, coming from a civil war, it was kind of scary. The sound of helicopters kind of made me nervous. I was sweating. But you told me to relax. And I was amazed of the size of the whole thing. It was like a small city, movie theaters, gyms, mall. I was really impressed. So it kind of put me at ease when we were already there.

[04:52] KEVIN RING: And I remember the helicopters made you nervous. And you told me why. You were very upfront about how there had been a lot of helicopter activity during the civil war. And just any situation where you have to, you know, to get on base, you have to present your id. And I had my military ID because he didn't. Any situation where you have to present ID to soldiers, I think was scary to you because things can. In El Salvador, things could go wrong at that point.

[05:16] EDWIN REYES: It was kind of scary. Awesome. I don't like bureaucracy, so all the questioning and all the paperwork, I was kind of like scared of It. But at the end, everything came out okay.

[05:28] KEVIN RING: But the military was such a part of my life that I wanted to see what the base was like. Now, do you remember when we first had to talk about don't ask, don't tell and what that meant for our relationship?

[05:42] EDWIN REYES: I do. I wanted us to show more affection in public. And you told me that if we were doing that, you were in danger to lose all the privileges that you have acquired through the army through the years. So I kind of like took back and I tried to understood, and.

[06:04] KEVIN RING: I.

[06:04] EDWIN REYES: Saw your fear of losing everything over people knowing that you were gay.

[06:12] KEVIN RING: It was a very different time. I think it's hard for people today to realize just how even though don't ask, don't tell was in effect, people did ask. And it could mean, you know, any kind of mistake or any discovery would lead to the end of my army career. And I knew that now. Remember about. We had been together only about nine months when I got deployed to Bosnia. And so that was our first military. Our first, I think about five deployments we've had now, but the first appointment when I went to Bosnia. Do you remember that?

[06:46] EDWIN REYES: And I do. And I remember I also was kind of scared of. For your safety. And it was the first time living by myself because I was living my whole life with my family. And after we finally moved together as roommates and as a couple, it was. It would be the first time that I would be living by myself, paying bills, taking care of the apartment and stuff like that. But mostly I was most scared of your. Or you being harmed or killed in. In any situation in Bosnia.

[07:19] KEVIN RING: And I remember you talked to me about this at the time. But even though both of our families were good, even though we were not formally out to them, but they were very agreeable to you and me. The point was that during the nine months that I was there, if something happened to me, if I had been injured or killed or had a medical emergency, you wouldn't have been told. You wouldn't have had any rights to see me in the hospital or. Because if we were a married couple, they would have kept you informed, they would have supported you financially and helped you through it. If I was injured and transported to a hospital, they would have flown you out there as my spouse. But since you legally didn't exist during those nine months, there was nothing that really could be done. You would have had to count on my family. And I had never formally told my family, but they knew that you were my roommate. And obviously, if something Happened to me, they would have informed you. But yeah, we just didn't have any rights in that situation. And more than just not having rights, if have been discovered, it would have been all over for me as a soldier. So that was our first deployment. It was kind of a tough one. I was gone nine months. We wrote often and stayed in touch again. Phone calls were really limited back then. We could only call about once a week and sometimes I would use that call to call instead. So we really, we didn't talk that much. We just mostly wrote letters back and forth and so do you remember 9 11?

[09:03] EDWIN REYES: I do very clearly.

[09:06] KEVIN RING: I had just gotten back. I've been doing a bunch of assignments over in Korea. So I was flying back and forth to Korea a lot of the time with the Army Reserve system. I remember I got back from Korea about a week before 911 and I was getting ready for work that week and you were already working downtown. You had a job where you worked really in the early in the morning downtown. So I remember, of course we're on the west coast, so I called you after the first plane hit the building. We didn't really know it seemed like it was probably a deliberate accident, but we didn't know that for sure. And you were working on the 48th floor of a building downtown. So we talked and we ended up talking a few times that morning. It was before cell phones who were calling on landlines back and forth. And I remember at the time thinking, oh, I'm probably going to be deployed for a long time. I'd seen movies, you know, once Pearl harbor was bombed, all the reserves got caught up immediately. And I was kind of looking for that to happen this time and kind of preparing you with what bills we had to pay and how to kind of manage things. And again, you were great at doing all of this. You just seemed to understand it and know it and you listened and you did things correctly. But there was also the point that if we, if we had been a married couple, you would have had rights to insurance, you would have had rights to base privileges, we would have gotten married. Housing allowance, which is quite a bit more single cost us over the years. It's cost us tens of thousands of dollars not being a legally married couple.

[10:50] EDWIN REYES: But yeah, I remember that very clear. But now I also want to ask you some questions.

[10:57] KEVIN RING: Sure.

[10:58] EDWIN REYES: Remember when we first met? When we first met, I was an illegal in the United States. I didn't have any kind of paperwork and Kevin didn't know that. What was your reaction when I told you that I was an illegal alien.

[11:11] KEVIN RING: I was. I could tell you something big you wanted to tell me. And what I thought maybe was that it was you have been dating someone else as well or something like that. But no, you just came right out and told me this situation and it explained a lot because at the time here in Seattle, we're about three hours south of Vancouver and you hadn't traveled that much. And I asked you, hey, let's go up to Vancouver sometime. And you know, it's a beautiful city, it's fun to hang out and look around up there. You know, it's kind of. Well, I'm kind of busy. And you kind of made excuses back and forth and after two or three times of mentioning it, I think you decided I just have to come right out and give him the reason and.

[11:56] EDWIN REYES: I couldn't travel with you.

[11:58] KEVIN RING: Yeah.

[11:58] EDWIN REYES: And I also remember the time you were trying to bring my mom as a surprise for me.

[12:04] KEVIN RING: Yes. As an outsider to the immigration system, I wasn't aware that I thought you could just buy a ticket to the U.S. i was that ignorant of how immigration system works and visas and all that. As an American, I traveled the world. But I've got an American passport. I can go pretty much anywhere I want. But we were able to bring your mom up here. I went down to El Salvador and visited her. So we got to know each other a little bit. I flew down to El Salvador on my own. I arrived, I was Edmund's friend, that's all they knew. And I spent a couple days in his hometown and looked around the place. She didn't speak any English, but your brothers did. And my Spanish was pretty much non existent. We all got along really well. I liked them and we had a good time down there. And based on that, I was able to get her to apply to the embassy and get a visa to visit and she visa. And she came here in early 2001 and our parents met. It would be the only time they would meet would be because your dad was already gone, but it would be the only time our parents would meet. And there was a great photo of the three of them and us at your sister's house near here. But that would be the last, that would be the only time that they would ever meet. But after 9, 11 or because of the earthquake in El Salvador in 2001, you got Temporary Protected Status.

[13:33] EDWIN REYES: Yeah. I was holding TPS for almost 11 years and then the Obama election happened. How do you feel that night when Obama was elected? I remember that night.

[13:45] KEVIN RING: We Went to the reelection party in 2012. It was the same night Washington approved marriage equality. And it had been approved in a couple states. And we had been together many years. We would have gotten married after a couple years like, you know, most couples do after getting to know each other. But when our state approved it, we were downtown for the reception and we had a great time. Marriage equality was approved. President Obama won reelection. And so we decided to get married. And we got married in 2013. July 2013. By that time, I had been gone for on different deployments and as a military contractor. For most of 2004 to 2012, I was either deployed with the army to Guantanamo Bay or to Iraq, working as a civilian, also in Iraq and Afghanistan, and doing other military assignments. So I was gone a lot for eight years. In 2012, I was completely out of the army. And we won the election that year. And I decided that we would get married that summer.

[14:59] EDWIN REYES: But before that, after you have the family emergency, what make you decide that you want to come out to your family and you decide that you wanted to marry me?

[15:11] KEVIN RING: Well, one, I wanted to marry you. And obviously that would require just telling my family they're being invited to a wedding. It was no surprise. They knew exactly who, you know, what's going on, that I wasn't hiding some woman somewhere who I was going to marry. So. And my brother performed this ceremony, which is really nice. Our family flew out. Your mom couldn't come up for it, but she sent her blessings and your family was there, said, my brother performed this ceremony. The years in between years. We had bought a house in 2002, when you got TPS status, we've been able to buy the house. At the time, I said, this is as close as where we're gonna get to getting married because we're making a big public commitment for a 30 year agreement. We're appearing legally on the same document. What we didn't know in 2002 was that the country and the society would start to move along fairly quickly. In the period started about 2008, 2009, I was in Iraq working as a civilian when don't ask, don't tell fell. And then after that, after that fell, marriage equality came through. We held the wedding at a beautiful park overlooking Puget Sound, Lincoln park, which is a few miles from our house. It was about 50 people were there. It was outdoors. The weather cooperated here, which in early July, the weather can still be a little bit iffy out here in Seattle, but it was a beautiful day. We set up the Wedding outside. It was a big celebration for my. It was. Other than my dad, it was the first time our families had met. Well, he had had flown to Ohio with me one time, but my brothers and sisters hadn't met his sister or a brother in law or our nieces and nephews. And so it was a really nice. I mean, everybody had a really good time. It was a very enjoyable wedding. This. The scenery was beautiful. They had never been out here, with the exception of my dad, they had never been to Washington. So I mean, Washington overlooking the sound in summer, the beautiful park at. It doesn't get much, much better than that. And my brother joke at the time, they said, I've never been to a wedding where the groom did the cooking. Edwin actually cooked the whole feast and had it ready. It was really surprising that just how he. He just did it all. It was delete. Everybody talked about how great it was, but we did my. We picked up. I didn't get married in my military uniform. I decided that we would wear not the full tux, but the shirt and the pants. And our dad told us. My dad came out a few days earlier, you better try those on. We didn't do it. Mine fit fine. Edwin's would have fit. I've never seen a person big enough to fit into the shirt that Edwin had. So we had to. About 45 minutes before the wedding, I am at Target buying identical dress shirts while everyone is trying to get the food together and stuff. About 45 minutes before the wedding, I'm at Target buying two dress shirts in tuxedo pants and high gloss shoes. So. But the wedding went smoothly. My brother from the ceremony, I was in a public place. So people were kind of walking by on the sidewalk and we were prepared. What if somebody yelled something or. Because same sex marriage was pretty new at the time. This being Seattle, I was about 90% confident nothing would happen. And my confidence was correct that people kind of looked every now and then because they could tell there was a wedding going on. And while I was away, Edwin had got a dog. I came home from Iraq after a year and there was a Chihuahua sitting on the couch. He had moved in while I was gone and he came to the wedding. Our friends bought a little tie for him. And he was being good through the whole wedding. He was sitting there. I don't think he really knew what was going on. Obviously he didn't. He's a dog. But when we turned aside and we spoke because we had, you know, I don't think he had. He had Heard our voices during all this. When we finally spoke, he started barking in the back, in the back of the gathering because he could. He could hear our voices. And I think he, at that time, could see we were there. And he insisted on being on the receiving line. We held him while people came by congratulating us. A couple people just who were walking by congratulated us as well. But a little bit of fear that maybe someone would yell something or something that happened did not happen. This is Seattle. And as I said, I was about 90% sure everything would go well. But by that time, I was completely out of the Army. It was 2012. I had years left to do my retirement and just kind of resolved myself that it's just something I'm never going to do. And at the age. But I thought about it after a while, about the fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in doma. And I thought, this is civil rights movement that you really didn't participate in. You really couldn't because of your status. That was kind of strange that the push to end don't ask, don't tell. As a military person, I could not participate in it because that would mean telling. And then I could get kicked out. So it happened without my help. But after a while, I thought, why don't you try to get back into the reserves and finish your time? And so at the age of 48, I went back to the recruiter and I got back in. My prior services were recognized. And after all those years of Edwin's existence could have been something that would have ended my career. Now he was being asked to be part of it. We went down to. They told us to go to the military, take my contract and go down to the nearest military base and get our IDs made. So the Coast Guard station downtown was the closest one. So we go in there and I was nervous. You were too, weren't you?

[21:36] EDWIN REYES: I was, yeah.

[21:37] KEVIN RING: Yeah. We were very nervous. We had all our paperwork straight, but, you know, who knows what the reaction is going to be? And so we go in and God says, so what brings us here today? He was very friendly and he just took us in and we presented our paperwork. Edwin was listed there. They printed our ID cards. We were out of there in a half hour. And with that, he was officially a military spouse. And since then, we've. We've. We've had a good life in the military. And I remember one time we were down on post and we were just. It was a Sunday afternoon. We're just kind of hanging out. We took my great niece and nephew to an indoor pool down there. They had never been in an indoor pool with their little kids. And they really amazed it. And I was always sitting there, I thought, wow, this is what life could have been like if things have been different. Those years that you spent in Germany where you were cruising, you know, the countryside, in the army, they'll ship your vehicle over. So I had my own pickup truck during my three years in Germany. I just drove the countryside, drove down to Italy, went to Poland, just drove all over central Europe. We hadn't met yet, but I just thought afterwards we could have shared those times. But you don't get. You don't get to do life over again.

[23:02] EDWIN REYES: What do you think of the new generation of gay guys enjoying all the benefits we didn't have? Do you think they're gonna take it for granted or do you think they're gonna do better than we did?

[23:17] KEVIN RING: I think eventually they will take it for granted. I'm not so sure that's such a bad thing because the alternative is just not having the rights at all. We are kind of that transitional generation. I mean, so many people in our situation never had any rights. I knew older gay soldiers when I was in the army who, when I was, you know, 25, they were 45 or so and nearing retirement, and gays and lesbians, and they had just had to put their lives on hold and hope that they could leave the army in their mid-40s and find love, if that's what they were looking for, and just really start living their lives then. And we didn't have to do that. We had to be quiet about it and be secretive about it. But eventually we were able to live our lives the way we wanted. Yeah, and the younger generation, they will take it for granted, but it is, it's the reality they live in now. And it's. It's a good reality. Yeah, a lot of people get so. A lot of people in my age group are very nostalgic for the past. I'm not. I'm happy with the way this society has gone, the way my own life has gone. And that gives me, you know, a lot of happiness as I get older and I got my 20. It took me 30 years to do it because of the breaks in service, But I got my 20 year retirement letter over the summer that I now have the option of retiring. And I'll probably be doing that fairly soon, actually putting in the paperwork to leave the army. But that's pretty much our story. Do you have anything else you want to add?

[25:04] EDWIN REYES: Not really. Just how do you see our future after you leave the military, what are you going to be doing?

[25:11] KEVIN RING: Oh, hopefully we'll be a overtired couple traveling around and doing some things together. Frankly, a normal retired life like people always dream of. With their spouse. Yeah. With the person they love traveling and doing things without the burden of their jobs. That's what I picture, and I think we're going to be able to do it.

[25:37] EDWIN REYES: Do you have any questions for me?

[25:40] KEVIN RING: No, I just want to thank you for sitting down with me and doing this. I know we've never done anything like this, spoken so publicly. But I love the show and I love storycorps. Listen to it every Friday. And when it came up that I know the catalog, most of the stories don't get broadcast. They catalog most of them. But I think our story is worth telling and hopefully it's gonna be making to a movie. I don't know about that.

[26:13] EDWIN REYES: I want Jacob Vargas to play me.

[26:16] KEVIN RING: And I'll get Brad Pitt. He played Dr. Fauci, which is kind of cool. Yeah, he played Dr. Fauci well.

[26:23] EDWIN REYES: But going back to our wedding, I remember it was a big deal for us because, I mean, first I wasn't out to my family either. And one time Kevin called me after he had the emergency family in Ohio. And then he said, guess, wow, we're getting married. I'm like, wait a minute. I haven't told my family anything. So I went ahead and came out to my family. Everybody took a nice. A few people cry. My mom say, I knew I have five other brothers. So he. She knew I was different than my other brothers. And then I remember when they came, I told my family, they don't want to bring their kids. I would understand. They don't have to do an explaining. But my niece's brother, kids, the kids participate in the wedding. They were happy for us. Again, I did all the cooking. I wish I would have more time to decorate because I have a big vision for my wedding. I did what I could, but I wish I would have more time to decorate and make it more. Make it more like the wedding of my dreams. I remember I cooked salmon. I cook steak gazpacho because it was a hot day. I did some pasta dishes and I think I did like six or eight items. Everybody was happy with their food. A lot of compliments in the salmon. They love the gazpacho. So, I mean, I was really happy. I was exhausted and I was really happy. And I guess out of the stress, like, the. Two days later, I was ill with a pneumonia. I went to the hospital, and they told me it might be lung cancer. So I was a bit freaked out. I said, you're gonna be a young widow. Widower. But at the end, it just ended up to be pneumonia, and I had water in my lungs or something.

[28:15] KEVIN RING: Two days after a wedding, the only time we've ever had to go to an emergency. And it was like a bad Mexican soap opera. You know, you. You get there and then. So. Because about two weeks prior to the wedding, I was in the only car accident that I have ever been in. A car cut me off, total my. My truck. Luckily, I wasn't hurt. But about two weeks before the wedding, I was involved in the only car accident I've ever been in. And so seemed like fate was almost conspiring against us for a little while, but we got it done in the end. And again, I just want to thank you for sitting down with me today. I know you were a little bit hesitant. I was, too, because we've never really talked openly. We didn't know how the format was going to work and things like that. But thank you for being here and thank you for all. All you've done well.

[29:13] EDWIN REYES: Thank you for marrying me and for choosing me as your life partner, and also to show me the world, because basically he has took me to Europe, and now he's planning to take me to Asia. So he literally is giving me the world. And I also want to thank this program for letting people tell our stories. And hopefully somebody is going to identify themselves with our stories and they can relate to it. And. Or maybe somebody's going through tough times, and we can serve as a little hope, a little light to let them know that there's hope and life gets better. And don't be afraid of your dreams. Follow your dreams. They become true. And hopefully this is going to help somebody, and hopefully we'll get air. That's the man.

[30:05] KEVIN RING: That's the men's.

[30:08] EDWIN REYES: So we'll see what happens.

[30:10] KEVIN RING: Thank you.

[30:13] EDWIN REYES: But also.