Lisa Yemma and Larry Yemma

00:03 Hello, my name is Laurence, I am 72 years old at this time.

00:12 What do I need to do the name? I'm, with my daughter.

00:19 Lisa, Yama and cheese.

00:24 He's my partner.

00:26 Yeah, but your daughter, great. My name is Lisa, and I am 49 years. Old. Today is Monday. September 13th, 2021 and we're in Wilmington, North Carolina and I am interviewing Lawrence Jama. Who is my father.

00:48 Okay, Dad, welcome. You are here because storycorps is a place where people can record their ideas and share it with the world and I've been listen to storycorps for a very long time. And I've always wanted to interview you because you have a lot of good ideas going on in your head and you're very quiet.

01:18 So the first thing I want to know about you is how is your relationship with your brain right now? What do you feeling?

01:28 I don't feel very well. So it's sometimes I'm feeling very good. Sometimes I feel terrible.

01:40 But it's most of the time, if I'm not under a lot of pressure, that I feel pretty good.

01:48 But there are times when I thought I do feel pretty bad.

01:54 And it's, and it's kind of frustrating on the bedside.

01:58 What are some things that make you feel good right now?

02:04 Well trying this is is little challenging. I wouldn't think about like being at home or being outside or people in your life right now. What are situations where you feel really good? Like the stress is pretty low and have a lot of things to do, especially on the outside with mowing lawn mowing, the lawn swimming in the pool.

02:50 Yeah, and it's it's keeps me busy and when I'm when I'm doing well, I'm pretty happy house with my wife, Jane.

03:05 She's,

03:08 She's just takes care of me. Pretty good. How long have you known Jane?

03:15 That's my almost my whole life. Should we met?

03:19 On what I'm going to leave, where?

03:22 I guess it was 14 or 15. I think it was. We met for the first time.

03:35 Well.

03:38 I don't know if it would work on a building was our right, but we

03:43 When you go to lunch, Midtown lot of things.

03:48 Like go on traveling and and stuff like, that is sweet. Yeah, my wife especially she wanted to get out and do things.

03:57 And I was working a lot. So we we worked around that too.

04:02 A knock comes out, pretty good. She's she's pretty happy. I think sometimes I don't know a very bickering relationship, which is, which I've struggled with.

04:24 In the end, it's just kind of riddles away and we're back to normal. But yeah, it's not doesn't happen every day or every month. It's maybe three or four times a year, because we think we're right in,

04:46 So far, nobody's punched each other. So when you're at home, with Mom is pretty stress-free. Unless she's telling me that I'm not doing the right thing by trying to ignore it. And what do you think about when she says the right thing? What are you thinking? What are you doing that? She thinks it's the wrong thing?

05:24 Well, she she thinks I should be doing something. I'm not doing. Okay. And

05:29 Brooks me when she does that but in the end, you know, it goes away.

05:43 We both have TV shows that we like.

05:50 It's not not a lot in the house. But this week me and we go out for walks together, go to the beach together, that kind of thing and when the house needs cleaning, we she does most of it but

06:07 Are I just make sure she's doing all right. Yes, I can see your sense of humor has remained. Mom would appreciate that. What are times when your brain is frustrating in your feeling stressed? What would take that off? And it's very difficult for her to maintain that. So, and after about 10-15 minutes. It's not so bad, it goes away. But then everybody's talking about something else. So it's, it's something that

06:51 You know what I drop and then pick up again later.

06:56 Probably drop it again sometime. And yeah, it's it's tough at times. When you're trying to think of something, what's happening? Like, how would you describe what your brain is doing? I know I should be hearing something saying something, but it just won't come out. It's really strange and makes me, it makes me mad to fix it, but it just doesn't come until it's too late. So,

07:38 And it's hard to come. Come you don't come back every time and do that. So I tried to make sure that before I say anything make sure that I know what I'm going to say, which is it's not always easy, but that's that's my feeling is not going to say anything until I think. I know what I can say. How does it feel when people complete your sentences or try to guess what? You're trying to say. You don't, okay, and I know mom's been practicing.

08:22 Quit like quizzing you and giving you wait time. How does that feel? But is there a way that we could come up with some sort of communication to know? Like you're trying to think of something and you want more wait time. So give me more. Wait time or you fill in? I wonder if we can come up with a strategy to support you. I never thought about that. Usually when I'm trying to say something and I it just doesn't come. I just I just stayed quiet but that you know that makes it hard for for Jen. She's um, she's waiting for me to say something and it just doesn't come out.

09:15 And why do you think most other people in your life? Don't notice much difference when you're quiet.

09:23 I don't say that much. I guess you must have been quiet. So.

09:37 I mean, it's it doesn't and doesn't create that much of an issue, but it does really don't feel good about it.

09:48 How does it feel when we're all there? Like, Mary and Kyle, and Ryder and me. It's about things I never heard of before. So it helps to listen.

10:08 And not, if I have anything to say about what what's been said, you know, once in awhile, I'll say something.

10:16 When when you say it's something I haven't heard before. Does your brain know that it probably was something, you just can't remember. Being at that moment. It's just just trying to hear, okay, if it's really foolish stuff. I might I might just block it out or something.

10:53 And how you say it. How is it been having grandson now?

10:59 Or a boy that's even more work than I had ever expected. Really? Cuz I never had a boy, and the girls were much much nicer.

11:12 Tell me more about being nicer. What do you mean by nicer? Things? That boys always do that. Girls most of the time. Don't do it, and it was just a lot nicer, but I'm not saying is crazy. But he's he's doing what? What? Probably I did, you know, and so I can't say it. He's bad. I'm just saying it's more trouble today.

11:49 To handle somebody like that. Really is. And I don't like my other daughter and her husband are having trouble. I mean, it's not major trouble. What is trouble if they try to do a good job of telling him what to do and how to do it in? And you know, if you want to do something else and you wanted to do something and he gets mad and he just throws everything down and runs. Imagine what writer thinks of you.

12:32 In a way I can I can I can tell what he's thinking, I do things with him and you not we and we do, but it's minor things. It's nothing big and serious as far as playing with his all of his games and stuff from what he has and what he wants to have stuff like that site. You say he's a good kid, but when he gets tired, that's when everything Breaks Loose inside.

13:10 So, you know, you can do is just saying I can't do it now. So when you said it's the little thing like it's not a big thing that you play Legos with him.

13:23 I think that's a very big thing. He's okay in the first probably 15 minutes. After that. He gets tired of, you know, who's who's doing water?

13:40 So yeah, it is. You have to have to watch out when I have to get tell went when he's when he's wants to do something else and he will do that. Okay, I just couldn't put it down and do something else so you can see the Boss, 2 boss. He, he wants to do something else, and if it becomes an issue,

14:14 But he has good parents and they try to take good care of them. It is always a time when he's right. When you think about your kids. You said you had two daughters.

14:32 Is there anything that you're glad that you did with us growing up?

14:43 No problems. I should know. I was working almost all the time while you were growing up and it was hard to, to come back home and and want to rest when when, when the girls are, when you're doing homework or something. You need some help. I mean it was it was it was good in a way and and bad in another way, but I couldn't give you more.

15:14 But as it turns out girls are better than than kisses and Boris in it. What about us? Would you change if you could and maybe you can think about us separately? Like, and being, you know, I want you to know I came first, you were very young when you had

15:43 You're two different people, but you were together. And this is what the boys isn't. The boy didn't have is somebody to, you know, grow up with, he does have friends here in there, but they're not there all the time, which is it's a big difference. So with you and your, and your sister,

16:10 It was so easy, not to be to be good. Friends, do the right things and every once in awhile, it would it would break down, but very, very short. So, I remember Mom telling me once that you wanted 10 children.

16:26 Yeah, well, I would have stopped very quickly, any better. So she found out quickly that 10 is not not a good thing to, it was going to be. And she did have some issues with taking care of you. It's like the time you fell off the roof. You fell off the table, has drove her crazy cuz she thought she did. They hurt you.

17:07 So with it at the turned out, okay, and you know, she got much better after that. You have a second of sex.

17:23 It was good sometimes and you know, it's just like anything else. It was not so good. It was only

17:34 The two boys and four girls, so and I was the second and my my brother was last so we we didn't really by the time he was 8 years old. I was gone.

17:52 So,

17:54 We did we do talk to each other now and it's my niece. I mean, Eazy-E so much fun. Now that it's it. It's wonderful to talk to him.

18:05 Sorry, yeah, we we get to we get along pretty good now.

18:10 Before we was, we didn't we didn't talk much because I was in one place. He was in another place and he wasn't, we were both in the military. So

18:21 We are.

18:23 I don't know. Now is the best time to to get in touch with each other and stuff. So I'm happy about that. The girls were going to go see the girls to know before the end of the year and growing up all of your siblings. This sounds weird to say, but they put you on a pedestal. Do you know that means they sort of just like, you were the special one? Why do you think that is?

18:54 I don't know. I guess we we make it look that way. A lot of times. I think you're a lot better than you are. Which is you could like that or you can say, well, yeah. Thanks for for being so nice, but, you know, I'm, I'm not as good as you think, so.

19:18 It's a bit. Depends on how many times you call him up. Somehow that how they're doing.

19:25 All the times you just forgetting it takes, maybe 6, 7, 8 months before you talk to him again and it still happens. Now everybody's getting to the age where you know, you want to be want to know what you doing. How are you doing? You know, if you can meet again, something sometime soon. How's it feel being 72?

19:53 I thought it wouldn't feel so bad but feel better than this.

20:03 It's not too bad.

20:06 72 is enough. I think that when I was in the doctor's office one time, he he said if you hits if you had 80 you're doing good. So it's a bit helps me out to think about possibly eight more years. And what do you want to do? What you want on your bucket list. We're going to Jane and I will be going to Europe again.

20:38 And I fill out that you're okay with that. She does all the work though. You guys figured that out a long time ago, much better to sew a going to Europe with Mom. What else do you want to do? For sure, for sure, in the next, something like that? It's going down to Florida to see some.

21:21 Turn the family.

21:24 Oh, that's that's only going to be, maybe 45, maybe maybe.

21:32 I don't know. I love you, but I think we'll stay by the week in Rhode Island.

21:49 And that's okay. You're you're looking forward to that. Okay?

21:53 Anything else on your bucket list you want to check off?

22:00 Gorgeous breasts.

22:02 Well.

22:04 Once we're young.

22:07 She wants to go another time overseas. We haven't really discussed exactly where but Jane wants to go again overseas somewhere and we don't know yet. Tell me about your relationship with God.

22:30 Oh, yeah, you know, I wish I had a better one, but I mean I

22:36 I mean, yeah.

22:38 Not all the time, but I catch myself drifting away. Probably at least three or four times a year.

22:51 And then, as it turns out, I finally realized that I'd, you know, I need to go back to

23:00 You know, every week doing and I'm going to church.

23:04 So is your pretty consistent going to church? And you have been as far as I can remember my whole life?

23:11 But we go as as many many times as you can with the latest covid, it's very hard, but the coming back now, so, we were going almost every week. Feel closer to God or Jesus.

23:33 Well, Jesus and God are the same thing.

23:37 I knew Jesus set the set the standard what God put in there. So.

23:46 Yes, we trying to do. What what do we need to do to stay?

23:55 With God. And are you imagining what? You're going to say when you get to heaven?

24:05 You ever think about that? Oh you do. It's not just saying something. It's what you did. How you did it. Those are the things that you want to keep in mind and I was just saying something is, is okay.

24:25 But you know, you really need to bring anything that you feel like you should do before you head up there.

24:41 Yeah, we should do it every day. But yeah, it happened. That's why we go once a week.

24:49 And if you don't say it, then you are here. You're just missing the point. So we we try to go every week and see what we need to say.

25:00 I feel for you, that neither of your children have a relationship with God.

25:05 You know, that really?

25:09 It worries me. That really does. I don't say much about it because I know I don't want I don't want to come down on you for anything like that. It's your choice. You know, you were the first one. So you went you did go to church in the beginning.

25:32 Just because you dropped out or I I mean I was hoping it to you go back but

25:42 Mary.

25:46 You know, she's looking pretty much like you in that area. Although she never got into it at all. So I thought of that was our fault and we not

25:58 We're not saying that it was completely our fault. That was our fault that you didn't get get into it, going to church.

26:09 What do you think? So I calculated that writer will be your age in 2088?

26:20 I can't even. What are you imagining for him? In 2088, Ryder will be 72. What do you think the world's going to be like?

26:41 Well, the way it is now, it's not looking good. Okay, so why?

26:49 I'm concerned about.

26:52 Rocky, the USF. Mostly it's a lot of trouble going on.

26:58 And I'm not sure I'm going to be able to respond.

27:04 And in time I have to make it to you know, go back to it. What it what it was if you could wave a magic wand and fix something today.

27:17 What would it be?

27:21 Wow.

27:23 I'm not sure. I could fix anything. You're getting the power. The power of the power. You get to make the wish. What do you wish you could change?

27:36 Well, I wish I could go back in time. Basically. I don't I don't see anything good forward right now. And if I could go back in time and there were some good times back then and there was some bad times too, but mostly I thought was good.

27:59 Yeah, from the whole time that I was born to today. I think that, you know, we were doing some good things.

28:09 Or Torah, it seems bad now, so.

28:14 That's the way I feel that's good. I mean, it's not good. But thank you for sharing. How you feel. What how does it feel when you're at the farm?

28:24 Actually feel pretty good. I've always liked animals anyway, and

28:32 It's a, if some of the animals that I don't like, but like dogs mostly, but you've got plenty of cats and dogs and cats are not so good. But the

29:00 I know I don't do anything to hurt him or anything. But is it stressful for you to stay at the farm since I got used to it there for a while? Okay, when you're there for the first time or second time, you know, you wondering if you're doing it, right? And the fact that you gave me a list of things that I should be doing that, made it a lot easier. And so yeah, it was it was a lot of fun actually.

29:34 I love this, although I need you need to get a new TV.

29:39 Cuz it's in the afternoon. I mean the late afternoon and an early evening, you know, I'd like to watch the the TV sometimes but that's not. That's not a big thing.

29:58 What else? I have lots of questions here.

30:09 I've asked most of them, so.

30:13 We don't ever talk about your military experience, and you briefly mentioned it and I sort of skipped over it because as a family, we've never really

30:24 It's a long time ago. Yeah. When I was in the military was

30:29 I was very lucky and

30:33 We know I never went. I went overseas, but I never went into battle or anything. We were.

30:41 Well the group that I was with was spying on all the other countries. So that's that was our job is to find out what I did with the other countries are doing and, you know, report it to, you know, back in the, in the US.

30:59 So, it was very interesting and until

31:05 Where we were was was eliminated. Sorry. We had to go back there and went back to the US.

31:14 And the only place I could go was, California.

31:20 Stayed there for about 2 or 3 months and it got to be tedious. So we I just dropped out. That's what I went back to school. Okay?

31:33 And then, you pursued your degree in engineering.

31:43 Several different places. I went that I work with for a couple years, but the big job was going back to Europe.

31:56 I think I've always known this but this conversation has reminded me. I think one of your characteristics that so beautiful. Is your grateful.

32:07 Like every almost every question I ask you, it's not so bad. Like you're really positive person.

32:17 I'm not. I'm very negative all the negative stuff for Mom.

32:23 But yeah, I mean I was very and you feel like that's been since you were a kid. Is that just part of who you are? Okay.

32:38 I don't remember if you know, making or saying that I have a lot of problems, so

32:47 Here is a lot of things I did with that were, maybe borderline, but that I never cross the cross the line. She think that something that you were born with or you practiced or you learned.

33:07 I don't know. Just something I

33:10 Wanted to do her to ask.

33:14 I don't think anyone was pushing me that in any way. So as a kid, who, who inspired you to keep blowing.

33:30 I like good friends when I grew up when we were in school.

33:37 Amanda.

33:39 We didn't do anything.

33:41 It's serious, but we we we were Scallywags for a while and we have a lot of fun and

33:51 So yeah, that was fun. And I think I'll be able to a good start actually.

33:58 You know, I don't know how in contact with them anymore, but it's been a long time ago.

34:05 All right, anything else you want to share any ideas that?

34:10 Well, my biggest problem now, it's to make sure that I can and I will maintain.

34:21 What? I'm, what I'm looking, what I'm looking for in the future. I know I'll let some people now that they lose their

34:32 What do you call the?

34:37 They're actually lose their minds, I guess. And that's very, very sad. And I hope that, you know, I'm having a little bit of that now, but the hopefully I can maintain maintain where it is now. Okay, so that's what I'm, that's what I'm hoping for. What?

35:06 We need to come up with a strategy of how we can help you.

35:11 And then will, you know if it's not working?

35:16 Oh, yeah, I think I think I'll know. Will you be able to tell us?

35:21 You don't have to tell you cuz you what do you want us to do?

35:29 Don't do it. Mom to us and

35:34 Tell me that I'm doing things wrong. Okay, just you know, if your if you don't know that this much you need to do some reading and I'll help help with other things that you can be doing to support, you know, being so and I probably don't do as much as I should and Jane gets upset because I'm not doing some some stuff and I I need to do to fix that.

36:11 So, how would you feel about Mom joining a support group for people whose partners are going through memory loss.

36:21 Well, I don't know. I never asked her.

36:26 I don't think it's on you to ask her but it would that be okay with you.

36:32 I think she she and she has known other people that that have this problem.

36:37 And that that are in pretty bad shape, but are you in right now?

36:48 Can being over 20% sheathing, 20% hundred percent is when you're gone.

36:56 So,

36:58 So you're not even half there yet? Okay, okay, different things and in the end they said, you know, you're you're you're dropping but it's not that bad. You will have some bad times and some good times. So, you know, they want me to do things to eat to maintain. You know, what I need to do, you know, sometimes I drop it in knowing that I have to pick it up again and and move on.

37:47 So, you know, it helps to

37:51 Every day to do stuff like that.

37:56 Sometimes I get tired, of course. I'm really glad that you let me drag you here.

38:05 That wasn't so I know you wasn't sure what this was going to be. I know you knew where I wanted to go. Just

38:21 Because I feel like we have a really good relationship and can talk about anything at anytime, or if you're on time. Crazy ideas. Yes, but you're a very supportive father and I appreciate that. So.

38:44 Thank you for bringing me here. And

38:50 Actually talking together like this and riches. We don't do very many people there right now. Thank you.