Gwyn Cready and Teri Coyne

Recorded February 6, 2009 Archived February 6, 2009 00:00 minutes
Audio not available

Interview ID: LMN001179

Description

Gwyn Cready, 47, was interviewed by her friend of 31 years, Teri Coyne, 47, about the sudden death of her sister.

Subject Log / Time Code

How G & T met
They bonded at a soccer game
The death of G’s mother
The sudden death of G’s younger sister, Claire
G dedicated her first romance novel to the memory of her sister
Fear of Flying

Participants

  • Gwyn Cready
  • Teri Coyne

Recording Locations

StoryCorps Lower Manhattan Booth

Transcript

StoryCorps uses Google Cloud Speech-to-Text and Natural Language API to provide machine-generated transcripts. Transcripts have not been checked for accuracy and may contain errors. Learn more about our FAQs through our Help Center or do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you have any questions.

00:04 Hi, I'm going through 80 and forty-seven. Today's date is February 6th 2009 where in lower Manhattan and I'm with Terry Coyne my friend since the beginning of high school high. I'm Terry Coyne. I'm 47. Today is February 6th 2009. We are in lower Manhattan at the storycorps booth and I'm with Gwen creedy who's been my friend since the beginning of high school.

00:36 So Gwen I wanted to do this interview with you to ask you some questions about your life. And then our life is friends when I was thinking about what to ask you. The first thing I wondered was I remember my first experience of knowing who you were but I've never heard you tell me if you knew of me or what you knew of me before we became friends. I think we actually might have known each other will of each other in in in junior high and I'm well, I don't have specific memory. I'm sure that I thought that you were somebody very funny and I'm sure that it struck me that you were like me in some ways but in high school when we were in the same homeroom, cuz they did home rooms by in alphabetical order and our last names are closed 3D and coin suddenly I had a chance to

01:36 Like with you much more frequently and I'm sure that you know that I laughed a lot and I love to laugh so but what I what I remember the first is that you were acting and how cool I thought that was cuz there we were already in 9th grade and you already like knew that that was what you wanted to do. And I know we are in gym class. We didn't have all our classes together, but we are in gym class and I remember being on the the field in for soccer and us having essentially the same strategy about soccer which is stay as far away from the ball as possible and spend as much time in gym class talking cuz we hated gym and and so you mentioned to me that you were going to be in a I guess it was like a production or a talent show, but it was like going to take place during your regular acting. And it was a show

02:36 Owen and maybe you were inviting like you could invite your parents or something like that. But in our high school if you had a if a person had a free period back then you could you know, like I'm say to your teacher. Could I be excused to go to something else that was going on in the school? So I when you said like this. On Thursday, I'm like, oh my God that. That I have my study hall. So I thought myself I'm going to surprise her and go to that show and that was the show that you saying. All I want is a room somewhere in your Cockney accent. And of course Adam was the was the ringleader of it was like a circus big top or something like that. I don't remember any of the other acts except for you singing with your basket of posies and Adam being funny the funny stick in between us. The ringmaster was the ringmaster. Yes, and and so it is interesting cuz I like, you know, that was also when I started to find myself having a you know a crush

03:36 Which which I felt like, you know, it's cuz I also know that you you didn't like him at all if you can clear I didn't confide in you about my crush, but you started saying oh my God, he's such a jerk piano. And he's you should see him an acting class cuz I would ask little questions. Like what's he like it but I was very impressed with you and singing in public in 9th grade. Do you know and and and you also to show your you know that you are so clear about your path like you were volunteering at Pittsburgh Public theater. And you know, I guess you know what you was exposed mutamur play rides and different ways to act and things like that then and I to suck myself while I just want to spend as much time with her as possible kind of like what's his name in say anything. Is that the one the kickboxer and says, I just want to spend as much time with you as possible. So I'll just

04:36 You should want someone to Usher with so I'll I'll just say that we could Usher together and then our parents could split the drives to and Roman and and you look surprised when I told you that way we can do that together from now on so I think before I met you, I never had anyone in my life that outside of my family that actively pursued you actively pursued me and that was it was very flattering, but it was also it's always been hard for me because I tend to be more like dubious about people that want to be in my club, but I definitely see that soccer game in my head. If I would have to do a demarcation point of when I knew this was a friendship and not just something that a casual acquaintance I saw that soccer game is I have that same memory of something was happening there.

05:36 I mean I I guess for me my knowledge of you was started very much in junior high and knowing about the death of your mother and seeing you in this light of in a lot of ways. I couldn't comprehend what your experience was but I saw you was very different because of that and it also the way that you dressed and the way that you were separated you from everybody else. So even though I wasn't your friend I noticed to you were because who you were and how you were acting was so different from your surrounding and it was really profound to me because at that age you want to be like everybody else and you did not want to be like anybody else you wanted to be you and you were you you had that Rose that's suede bag with the rose on it. The one I just asked us at the coffee shop with her.

06:36 Is that on her head? I still like this. I think mrs. Shanafelt. We were in mrs. Shanafelt class and I think when you came back to school right before you did she told us that's funny. You would say that because she was the only teacher the course this was 1973 shoot. She was the only teacher who said anything to me when I came back after a flight get out. My mom died. We had the funeral and my dad took us to Disney World and it was interesting. She pulled me aside right before I came into class and said, you know, I've heard about this and I'm so sorry and because most people dance and no one said anything to you it will maybe that's the only one I remember, you know, I blocked out a lot, but I just remember she was the one who directly to me and I had to remember there was a paper I had to do is in Mr. Knees class and it was on you to pick someone to write a buy a short biography on and I picked up.

07:36 Tricia Nixon Cox Tricia Nixon why I have no idea, but it was done before my mom died that weekend and I had it in my possession when I came back to school cuz I figured and mystery never asked for it, but he never said anything to me either. So I carry that that arrested me back to you piano, but things are different back then in a people didn't talk about it so much. And where did you have an awareness that you're

08:10 The way people perceived you or students perceived you changed or are you there was a heightened awareness about you after your mother died because it was such a I can't think of a lot of kids that that happened to that that they lost their mother. It was clear that it happened to, you know during school time. Did you are you aware that that kind of the spotlight was more on you in a way that maybe you didn't realize I don't have that. I don't have that memory. But you know, I do remember just feeling different but not having any perception of how other people but we're receiving me but I will say that now that you know, Cameron is going through those, you know, if my daughter is Cameron is my daughter and she's 15 or about to be 15 in April. But so is she's lived through those years and sadly had she's had two friends whose fathers have died and and even

09:10 Before that, you know, she had a there was a kid in school whose mother died of cancer you knowing and it's it's been interesting to me to perceive how Cameron is aware of this, you know, like everyone knows about Jonathan because his mother died of cancer, right? I'm thinking well, so so that is kind of put you back in that in a lot of ways you were the girl who lost her mother and it seems like that's also how you felt that it was dad's always how I kind of been defined but it's always how I have to find myself since it happened is you know, and that's what does Anna quindlen said. Do you know when one of her books about that?

09:48 Did she felt like it in college and afterward that like she should almost like on a blind date say will you know me cuz I'll be the one wearing the navy blue wool coat whose mother died when she was eighteen like that. That was just like you should just be able to see it about her. It was like how you would recognize are so so how how old was your mother when she died? She was 43, so don't worry that I am now so you so you did say that. This is how you've always to find yourself and in my knowledge of you and being friends with you for well over 30 years. I would say that I proceed that is an accurate statement that that has been a huge definer for you. But I've also seen what that meant to you. And how what you did with that information has changed throughout the years and that, you know, it's gone from necessarily being predominantly about being the little girl who lost

10:48 Her mother to being something about this is part of what has shaped me in all the great ways to how where it where are you at with it now? I mean if you think about your Evolution with processing your mother's lot the loss of your mother. Where do you feel how do you cut a measure it now that you're a mother of two children yourself grateful that I'm still here for them. Does he know that was always my biggest fear is that that I would be taken and they would be left alone and there would be nothing I could do to protect them. I know that's that's been like my son. My son is why I said he's going to be 21 in June and he has a great job and lives in a different city, and he

11:37 So I think it's true that as your kids reach the point where they're getting more self-sufficient the worry about that kind of thing goes away. And you know, of course the great thing that he gave me. I mean it just shove me. I was already it was born mature write it just like shove me, you know from being like 10 years ahead of myself to be in like 30 years ahead of myself and it gave me, you know, the greatest gift they gave me was you know that you need to kind of appreciate everything that's going on. I don't know that at least it gave me the sense that I should be doing that I think it took many more years before I was able to do that. And so, you know a lot of times I just kind of felt when I was you know, I'll always be with other people that had never had something horrible happened to them and you know, I just kind of felt like like almost a different breed, you know, cuz there's just like this divide between people who gone through tragedy and people who haven't and so

12:37 It does give you a great gift about knowing what you can survive and appreciating the moment or at least realizing you should appreciate the moment. Even if you can't always but it's funny. You know, I'd love to say that, you know, it stopped defining me as I got older and it in some ways it has but mainly because it was replaced by a different tragedy in my life, which is why I want to go to lead to that because that's how I feel much more. Peace about losing my mother and satyr about losing my sister. So let's let's talk about that because that is something that happened during the hourly life is friend and

13:19 You know very very very painful experience. So let's talk a little bit about clue Claire was and what happened to Claire. Okay. I'm clerk raise my sister and we weren't always very close where three and a half years apart and she lived a very different life and I did she use, you know, it's kind of a 00, you know experimented in high school and got into a bad crowd and and also, you know, she was like slim and pretty and had a bunch of friends and so it was

13:58 We're different. I always felt kind of you know some semi responsible for though cuz course we did have them all that you were her older sister. And you know, how old was Claire when your mother died Claire was eight when my mother died and in second grade

14:17 Wait till third grade third grade in my mother died. And then when she passed away when she was 31.

14:26 And I do feel like I helped her like she was having a and high school such a bad time and you know what I wanted her to come up and live with me for the summer cuz I saw that and I went to college in Chicago and I thought that if she live with me and so my friends know we're kind of like kind of nerdy fun. Will you have to the University of Chicago one of your charms is always been you been a bit of an egg and I thought that she could see that it's she cuz she was very smart and just she had her energies pointed in a different direction than I did and I thought if she could just come up and see that there were people who are like going to school and like having fun and Heather still having fun at that and I'd like to think it did have an impact on her she went back and I think in her senior year she she did better in school and she decided she really wanted to go to Bard College which is like an artsy-fartsy kind of place and she's studied photography and she was very good at it.

15:25 Cheap but she had this very rare disease called it's called hereditary angioedema, but it didn't it but 30% of the cases aren't hereditary. They're just come from a gene mutation. And we presume that's what happened to her because you can't have it. You have to have it in order to pass it along to your kids if it's right at Terry and you can't have it unless you display symptoms of it. Like it's not a hidden thing or whatever they call Ed. So our parents didn't have it and but if for her it wait manifest itself was that she would swell up. It's like you're having an allergic reaction, even though there's nothing to be allergic to and like things swell up inside your body and hers usually swell up in her guts which would give her a terrible terrible like stomach aches that were like appendicitis. So she would end up having to go to the emergency room. And of course doctors weren't familiar with this rare disease, even if she would tell them and you can't

16:25 Keep it from happening. But you can treat it with painkillers to make it more tolerable. So you have like this druggie looking teenager coming insane. Like you just need to give me like a drip of you know, name a painkiller or something like that morphine and they would be like, oh no no. No, I don't think so. Let's do like every test we can think of to make sure it isn't something else and maybe by then the pain will go away, you know, that kind of thing that she would just spend, you know, like 15 hours in an emergency room doubled over until they'd eliminated everything and then sometimes she would walk away with you know, the shot of painkiller and I'm sure that's what that and other things were. She then became like a heroin addict cuz then she could could treat her own condition. You know, that's one thing she did tell me was that when she was on heroin. She never had

17:14 An issue and so that made sense to me that there was one aspect of her that was self-medicating sure and I also you know, I think that how she processed the loss of her mother was very different from how you processed it and she so she graduates from college and it was very hard to hold a job because she you know, what had this thing would happen like twice a month since you know, she be out of commission for two or three days until the swelling went away. And you know what got to just be one of those things, you know, what like a chronic thing like, oh, you know, you know, my sister has diabetes or something like that and you you never kind of think this is the kind of thing that would kill her but apparently and I didn't even investigate and she might have known but there was there wasn't much you could do about it except hope it didn't happen, but I do remember that

18:12 You know, I can understand why you feel like maybe if you've done more research, but I do remember you telling me that one of the protocols was steroids, which steroids are anti-inflammatories, but that they have terrible side effects right included want to try them. She didn't want to go on and I and I don't discount the discomfort. She must have had being on the steroids, but she made some choices herself about how she wanted to handle the condition and they're also a lot of complicating emotional issues that we're going on between you and Claire that you were trying to work through. Yes, but there wasn't a sense that there was a sense like you said that it was like diabetes that it was chronic and we have an itchy. Yeah, but it it can be deadly when it hits your throat. And in fact, the people that have this orphan disease, you know, you know, they say it's like fatal.

19:12 20% of the time and it's always because these people at hits their throat and some of them can survive because their cotton time and people do a tracheotomy, you know with a ballpoint pen or whatever Brenda and I'll shove a straw down their throat or whatever so they often have tracheotomy scars to but this is the first time I've ever had clear she was 31 and driving and she was living with my dad cheap. She had I was very proud cuz she had gotten off heroin and it's been two years sober and a friend of mine. JT is matter fact, you know, I was telling him the story about like, you know, how she been a heroin addict and then died and he was like, oh she died. She died of an overdose. I'm like, oh no she was clean and then she died of the soldiers disease and he's like, he's like cheese. It's like, you know, you survived one thing and then going down to tie your shoe and you know yourself by hitting your head on the table and now and it did it did sound almost comic at that point, but it's and it's and it's true, but I was very proud that she was

20:12 In the last 2 years, so I'm just driving home and it hit her throat and I'm sure she thought it was asthma because she tried to get her puffer out of her glove compartment. But of course, it was actually her throat closing so there wasn't like anything she could do and she parked the car is got the car. She collapsed somebody came over and tried to give her CPR. I don't know who I was and and someone called the ambulance. But by the time the ambulance came, I mean, I'm sure it was 20 minutes before the ambulance arrived and another 25 before she got to the hospital and then she was so

20:50 So what what is your memory of finding this out? Terrible? I was at work and my secretary said your brother called Claire has been in an accident and you're supposed to call Saint Clair Hospital.

21:11 So I'm not you I call Sinclair Hearts pounding and I said, you know, my name is going pretty and my sister is Clark Reedy and piano. What what happened?

21:23 They said

21:26 Sister's been a very bad accident in you need to come to the hospital right away.

21:32 Tell me what happened tell me how she is and they wouldn't they said you need to come here as soon as they said that I knew that she was dead. And I was so mad. That was the only thing that made me mad was that.

21:49 They wouldn't tell me they were going to make me go all the way to the hospital by this out and I called Lester. It said you have to come to the hospital and meet me and of course.

21:59 He lives in a world where you know, nothing bad ever happened. Just as your husband is my husband and he said, okay. Well, you know, I'm like, I don't know he was picking up the kids or whatever. You said. I'll be there as soon as I can but you know, like he wasn't getting it like I was getting right.

22:22 Yahoo

22:24 So I had to get the card for that a cell phone that and I and I called you you were cuz I I just needed to talk to you and tell you what.

22:36 And I knew you were right but I couldn't tell you you were right because I knew you had to get to the hospital. So I was trying but I knew you were right at your work so nice letter answer the phone. I'm sorry. She said a meeting I said I've never done this to you or anyone before I said, I'm sorry, you need to get her out of that meeting. I was in with the director of human resources number for the secretary walked in and said your friend Gwen is on the phone and she says she needs you and I immediately thought I thought something had happened to Lester the kid who where the kids and as soon as I heard your voice and you said she's she's dead. I knew you were right. I knew you were right because I knew you knew but I couldn't say you're right. I keep driving to the hospital. I will we don't know that but it was it was unimaginable and it's just like I thought myself as I'm driving there like why?

23:36 Does this have to be be who's going to find this out? You know cuz no one was going to be at the hospital at my my dad's still alive at that point and I'm just like it. It's this is just so Gwen greedy that it's going to be me the first person who's going to be there.

23:53 But I can't reach my brother. He doesn't have a cell phone. So I don't even know where he is or are we going to go to call pager anyting? I don't know what he knows and I get to the hospital and Lester kind of pulls up as I'm walking in and says he's got the kids in the car. And you know, I'm parking like in the emergency room. Like he's just in the wall between the lines that already did and he's like why I think I better go in the garage and I'm like, you don't understand why you know, he doesn't know I said, okay and I go in at like there's a nurse there and you know that whatever nurse and I said, my name is Quinn crazy.

24:38 He got up like that's all I had to say and she got up from her chair and walked around the desk and put her arm around. That was so nice.

24:48 Of course, I would if I had any doubts I had to work out at that point that she didn't even say anything before she just walk me to the back and said you're going to replace it down here a doctor's going to come talk to you or something. And I can't at that point. I can barely remember it at some point of doctor, you know, someone came in. I don't know if was the hospital like grief counselor or the doctor, but he said, you know, we tried to save your sister but you she was already gone when she got here and you know, he's very clinical. I mean, he wasn't mean or rougher anything but you know, he's not as upset as I have obvious. And he said you two were trying to understand what happened to her. Did she have any conditions bicycle and I don't even think about these you know what cuz it was just like

25:35 They said well, you know, she had asthma and he said that. This isn't like an asthma thing. I said, I don't know. I just don't know, you know, and I said, of course I'm sad can any of her organs be used for cuz your mother did that so so he said someone's going to come into you and talk to you about this and you know, we're going to give you a chance to go say goodbye to her just showed up. But of course, he sees me crying and he's devastated and in the doctor comes back or where the kids for the kids.

26:13 And of course, I'm thinking we have to move father go and tell him I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it last or said he would do it. But of course the people the hospital like, oh, please don't tell him don't tell him over the phone. Please have him come here and I was already so bad that they wouldn't tell me right. I said no, we're just going to tell it. Well as you also knew your father and you knew that he wouldn't know you would have had to tell him to get him to come like he couldn't deal with it and he was not going to be a help to you. I think you made the right decision there. Will he so Lester called me said you might have some really bad news Claire Claire died and I'm not quite even sure what Dad said. I'm sure Lester told me but you know, he's I think it was something like how he was very calm like, you know, this isn't as upset as surprising to me as you might think or this it you don't need to worry. I'll be okay or

27:13 And of course, I knew we needed to go see Dad then the doctor comes back in and asking more so you can think of anything else or cycle. What about that Sinclair had last time was the one who remember that I said, I would like to audit even think about that. So I said she had you know this hereditary angioedema the doctor's like I bet that's what it is. That's because her throat closed we couldn't even get anything. They can down her throat or throat was completely closed at you. He said that's not an asthma thing, but it's not the throat so

27:52 Then I wouldn't say goodbye to work. She looks so puffy and

27:59 I didn't know there was like, you know, he said that I have to be prepared cuz there's like things are throw to

28:07 So I just adore him. I just felt so bad cuz she's had such a challenging life in comparison. Mine was so much easier and

28:21 But I felt a little bit of the piece that I had what I the day my mother died at home because it was like, you know, you've had this long struggle and now you're free of the struggle and you know, how I said where I hope you're in a better place.

28:37 So

28:39 That was the tragedy that got to replace my mother tragedy. So yes, that was I wonder

28:49 How you did that how you?

28:53 Did it because

28:56 I mean I can only imagine losing your mother but now you are a mother yourself and you have two young children one. Very young child. Cameron was very young just like three that I think and you had been putting a tremendous amount of work into forgiving the issues between you and Claire and as as in junkie, we know that junkie behavior is horrible behavior, and there have been a lot of infractions and you guys had really worked on we had a lot of those breeches and I was so proud of the two years. She's been clean and we were like kind of slowly, you know, we would be for coffee and she would babysit. My kids said it was like we were going to have that like that's just a relationship that we had never really had. No, it's like we were close enough that age now and you know, of course.

29:56 Starting at crazy and Scott was weird so we can laugh there were things we could share it. So it was

30:03 It was very sad to let go. I don't know that it never would have reached the ideal. I had my head, you know, cuz there were still times when she would disappoint me. But you know, it was slowly getting better and it was said to have that taken away is very sad. It was sad to

30:20 To experience that says your friend and to watch.

30:27 You have to go through something that no one should have to go through that kind of loss. And if you do though, you know all the time people do and that's to me what what I admire most about you is.

30:43 You do what you have to do. You keep going and I don't want to go in his life work through it all I know why I don't know. It just his ass or sad. I know but it's yours. It's part of your story, right and I hope that you can I hope that you tell your children.

31:14 About this I do like they were there for a while they were there for it and you know camera goes I'm ready to cry at the drop of a hat you the question question I I have for you now though is in terms of Claire and we're so how many years has Claire been gone? She died in 1997. So 11 11 years will season 12 of your I was 12 years ago.

31:46 How do you feel about it now versus 12 years ago? Well, the one that

31:54 You know.

31:59 Two things. What is the most important is that she I do feel like she watches over me. I have this really strong sense that she's around which I don't have with my mother or my father and you know, it's just cuz maybe Claire with someone who believe in that kind of thing. So maybe have to believe in order for it to happen after your dad, but I just can't get over. My son has had you know tough stretches as he's gotten older and and I just felt like I think Claire really identified with Wyatt and I think that and I just feel like she's out there like like the Angel that's like I'm going to knock any trouble out of winds way and I really appreciate that. You know, it's really nice to take the sun was up there and I'll it when Wyatt was going to his trouble. I was just like I like I was literally prayed to her. You know, Kelly's help Wyatt do what you can for him.

32:59 And I never have liked believe know I shouldn't that kind of think so but I really felt like she was listing and it felt like I know exactly what he's going through take care of and there's hardly anyone in my life who is like and maybe I'm just imagining this of course, but it'll that says like don't worry. I can take care of this. I don't have to worry about it. So it's such a nice feeling.

33:23 You said there were two things that the other thing is that the reason I became a writer is because I wanted to do something to I guess memorialize Claire ghetto. I had had my two children and I wasn't planning to have more and I named my day my son after my father at my daughter after my mother and then my daughter was three and my sister passes away and I was like if I was going to have another child, I would Dave after her and I just like I wanted to do something for her and and so within a month after she died I decided that I would try to become a romance writer and I took a long long time, but when they took it infect a decade, but at the end of the decade, I've had finally write him a romance novel that was going to be published and and I just like I do I was going to dedicate it to her but even just a few know what I'd known for years and years. I was going to dedicate it to her, but when I actually got that type that and save it as a Word document.

34:23 Majestic course it made me cry makes me cry every time I look at it and well, what was it? Can you?

34:34 And did you ever feel anything coming from her about the book in the same way that you felt or watching over Wyatt? Have you felt are watching over you? Is it a writer to see the sidewalk that the Beatles crossed in the Abbey Road? And it was after my book sold. But before my book came out and what I was walking back into like the tube station or something like that now is a coffee shop and they were playing Paperback Writer and I just had the strongest sense that Clare had made that happen and I laughed so it was just at that was so sweet. So well, I think that's

35:17 You I don't like the expression making lemonade out of lemons, but I think that in a bigger picture, it's quite possible to think that Claire has after all fulfilled her to Destiny which was to spend a short time here with you. But an even longer time in a higher purpose or the higher calling. It seems like you got out of the wreckage and you survived and sometimes being the Survivor is harder than being the person that's in the wreckage because you have to leave a lot behind to do it and you had to do that and now that

35:57 You use Incorporated these losses and including now the loss of your father. Is there anything that hangs over you that you you dread or fear for the future? I'm just waiting for the next lot. So I tried not to live like that and eat it with anything. It's livestock me that you know losses will come and then you'll just go through without me, you know, so

36:27 So now I try I try I feel like I'm much happier now that I was earlier in my life. Like I less anxiety about I completely agree with you. I think that you have really you've really gotten to the center of where the anxiety comes from and you just tried like the flying you think that like lost you don't let that pull you under you won't let that Define you if you have anxieties you proud of that that I got very difficult thing together and that was it turned out to be the tapes of that same guy that Oprah it's a different way and then keep someone's asking me much later about you know, like what did you use on my quad listen to these books this and kind of book of it was on audio tape that my therapist gave me and they're like

37:27 Really who wrote it and I'm like, hold on. Let me think about that whole set of like, oh my God, I think that was ever like the guy that helped me probably most in life. What are fat opening myself up instead of shutting down clamping down when I'm in an airplane to have to buy a lot and feeling anxiety during takeoff. I should you should feel the pain you should open yourself up and let the The Experience come through without trying to stop it. And so I just tried that I'm like, I wonder if it'll work. He was talking about like people in pain from my cancer treatment or something like that and I'm like, okay, so it's kind of like clam paid at closing my eyes. I'm going to open my eyes and I look out the window. I'm going to be like cuz I see kids fly for the first time and they're like, oh, this is so cool. We're going up in the air right there any feel having rate my inner child and don't like this is an amazing thing for humans feel like go up and see down inside like I'm going to look I'm going to be open. I'm going to be

38:27 Fox in a totally it took like 65% of the pain the uncomfortableness right away. I was like, oh my god, it works. I was so shocked and so they would just practice at every time we took off, you know, so it's still not my favorite part of life, but it's some it's just completely livable know which is so much nicer. Well, I want to thank you very much for telling me and your sister worry. Thank you for sharing your story and I just want you to know that it is a privilege to be your friend and have gone through all these ups and downs tonight. I admire you so much for all the things that you've accomplished in the ways that you processed all the highs and lows in your life. And I don't know what would have happened to me had you not stalked me and I think we use that word but I I I I think Wireless have gotten to the point where our shared history you would be hard to hunt. Why

39:27 Our lives and say G. I don't know I can't predict where I would have gone without knowing you so that day on the soccer field. Someone had said do us this is someone you will be friends with for the rest of your life and shown us a movie of all the things he would have been through a lot of it. I don't think either of us would have delayed, but thank you for sharing your story very much. Thank you for asking.