Rosa Montes Miró, Estanislao Fidelholtz, and Natalia Fidelholtz

Recorded May 8, 2010 Archived May 8, 2010 37:42 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: LMN002032


Rosa Montes is interviewed by her children, Natalia Fidelholtz and Estanislao Fidelholtz about their births, being a mom, her family in Argentina and maintaining family closeness.

Subject Log / Time Code

RM remembers living in Poland and the difficulties she had with her pregancy, her miscarriage and Natalia’s birth.
RM recalls EF’s birth and moments with him as a baby.
RM talks about being raised her grandmother in Argentina.
RM confronts NF and EF on the difficulties of maintaining family closeness.
RM considers her future and where she will live when she older.


  • Rosa Montes Miró
  • Estanislao Fidelholtz
  • Natalia Fidelholtz

Recording Location

StoryCorps Lower Manhattan Booth


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00:03 My name is Natalia fiddle holds. I am 31 today is May 9th 2010 and we are in 00 May 8th 2010 here Foley Square in Manhattan. I'm here with my brother and my mom.

00:24 My name is stanislao Faribault. Also known as Chinese 28 as my sister mentioned today is May 8th 2010. We are at Foley square and I'm here with my sister and my mom is going to be the interviewee.

00:46 Okay, my name is Los Angeles a el Amante's. I am 60 at turned 60 last November today May 8th 2010 Foley square right across from the courthouse. We're just seen from the first time. We're Law & Order's filmed and I'm the mom to Tiny's and Natalya.

01:14 Mommy, this is some kind of an early Mother's Day present in a way. This is the first time that I've recorded in this blue II hasn't been for practice before and wouldn't work but it's so exciting. I don't know if there's anything that you had in mind that you wanted to talk about it, but I thought maybe we could talk a little bit about you being a mother and then maybe when you first found out that you were going to be one.

01:46 Okay, we when I keep that since your eldest, you know, it's when we first found out we were living in Poland and weeping Mary Jim and I have been married for about maybe a year-and-a-half, you know, what's around then and I guess we've been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months and not being able to and I'm so or in fact, I had gotten pregnant and then lost the baby. I think that was something and then when I realized or found out that I had this problem in keeping a pregnancy for the first couple of weeks, so it was pretty stressful than the whole thing around pregnancy sore.

02:46 Be stressful and then it so it was a long time ago. This is so over 31 years ago and that sell wheelies. I got pregnant and I had to go into the hospital for 8 weeks or 10 weeks around and until I was about it on till the 12-week Mark was passed in the pregnancy was there so was settled in let's say so this was in Poland in Lublin was a little out of the way down free solidarity and not many people spoke English service for 12 weeks in this totally polish-speaking Hospital in Lublin and dad would come in maybe once a day or so and to visit for very

03:46 Periods of time that he was allowed in so I was there and it was fun. It was to know you title kinds of decisions taken out of your life because that you had to be there and I could move around it was total Repose. So I just lay around for 12 weeks. We didn't have to be in the room with the snow TV ver we didn't have anybody that would speak English and I was just barely learning polish. So it was a little bit strange in that sense, but it was okay. It was it was fun and I don't recall it as a very harrowing time or anything cuz it's just the the worry about whether the, you know be able to keep the pregnancy and

04:38 But you know what the baby would stay or whatever. So that was that was some you know, what that does that time, but I remember and I think I told you about this one's I remember going, you know after I went back to the house and then everything went normal after that and it was very very easy pregnancy all I know but I remember after going back to the house and closer to term that one night. I dreamt they were no ultrasounds then or we didn't have one problem, but

05:14 I remember dreaming last night about a little girl that was very much. Like at least my recollection out 30 years on of of the dream very much like one of your pictures when you're about 2 years old and it was this little blond blond haired girl and I thought you know, that's very strange. That's what I dreamt that my baby would be a remember telling Jim but it's a strange cuz I would never have a blonde baby. I wish that I would have a girl. Yes, even from the beginning but and I thought that would have all the girls that I never thought. I would have a boy. So, oh well that even from the beginning that it would be that it would be a girl but that it was this little blonde haired girl. I never knew and I thought that was totally ridiculous seeing how you know,

06:07 Black hair was dominant in whatever it is. You were able to see into the future or so you think I think I think that I have certain little psychic lenses every so often. Yeah.

06:24 And how did you feel when I was born? LOL. I was very happy but it was all so stressful and that

06:34 When you were born, I guess being the first and it was different for all the other babies, but it took a really labor took a really long time, you know, and we've gone to the started having with seemed like, you know, labor pains or something the day before so we gone to the hospital and got sent back and then around 6 if they started coming on strong or as I went to the hospital then and it just took a very long time since you weren't born until 5:30 in the afternoon. So when you were born at that time, I think they saw that maybe you were in distress or something and when you were born you were blue, you know, you are a little blue baby and they brushed away and I could see I couldn't understand anything that anybody was saying

07:33 But I could see that everybody got their 10 said they rushed you away and they took you away and on I kept asking you she alright is the baby. Alright, and of course they couldn't understand me and that you didn't answer. So I got taken out to a recovery room and then I got taken out to a ward with all the other mothers, but I never heard anything about you until about six hours later. So early the next morning or something and I saw the nurse bringing you in and you were all wrapped up in a little white blanket and all I can remember and this is so funny. Your head was sticking out then you were just opening and closing your mouth up in the air like like if you are looking for a strategy to bring up something so and that was my first memory of you.

08:34 Well, and it was very different with you to Mexico. But why don't you tell me a little tell us a little bit about the experience with me when I was born a we already talked to my phone and it was also a little town half lost in the mountains. Although it was a touristy town and there are lots of facilities there for you know Torres going in and out hotels and things like that and we went to the bus go to the municipal hospital. I can't remember who what doctor I can sing. But there was also the problem at the beginning which I had with all the pregnancy self after, you know danger of a miscarriage so I had to stay in

09:29 In bed for 12 weeks and not move, but I thought that was at home and I remember using that time for taping cookie so that I would die a lot of my data which I didn't use for my dissertation came from that time and you turn up in those types of cookie because we talked about a lot of money now. I left my Neato little baby. And they did, I think it was in the tapes. So I guess I was pregnant then and you know, it was just in bed. So my mother and to my sister to come down to visit us around that time and it was in the middle of the night and you know about 2 in the morning that I woke up because because I started feeling labor pains.

10:23 And woke. Up and we left. I don't even think we left cookie there with Abuelita and my two sisters and I'm not sure we told them that we were going cuz we were afraid that my mother would get nervous or something. So we went off to the to the municipal Hospital which is right down in the center of God's but it was only about 5 7 minutes away and we got there and I sing and meantime, I'm not sure how dad had called the doctor and I can't remember this doctor. I got I can't remember who it was that I was seeing at that time and and he got in and you were born just basically he didn't even have time to change into a white coat or anything. It just brushed out and there was no sorcerer totally natural childbirth. I was feeling by the street dogs and the

11:23 Just lying down there and you were born and dad was in the room and everything kind of took everybody by surprise and it was very very fast and you were there and you were old puffy and mad and crying loudly. So in that sense, it was very different from the experience of coffee pot in time. And in the sense of just everything going so quickly and fast and despite all of that. I've never been an early riser at least not willingly the rest of my life.

11:56 I could see why I was crying.

12:01 Melissa nice like as a little kid.

12:05 He was I think he was very easy. I can't remember thank you know I used to take him. Yeah, when I can't, you know, I used to take him to work with me when he was a baby. And so he you would sit in on all my classes and whatever it was that I had to do and never gave any trouble in the sense of crying or something, but you were there most of the time and in general. I think you were very easy child and and very when you were little very malleable you were in a willing to do whatever then later on I guess you started getting grumpy. And so you used to call you from the you know, the Care Bears are people getting a seat of the way. You used to be Grumpy Bear at that time because and that was your little toys that that we got you.

13:05 It had a rainy clouds in the belly. I remember that toy. I remember that.

13:18 Let's talk a little bit more about some other experiences that you might have had.

13:25 What would you are you proud of us now enough of what you did does apparent that. Yes. I'm very proud of you guys, but I can just tell him Tiny's before this. You know that now I can 60 all you guys are grown up and you've moved out and I kept thinking of all the missed opportunities and things that we didn't do and things that I wish we had done. So I have this these mixed feelings in terms of regrets in some way but then I see how you turned out as I was asking I guess I did something right or maybe you did something right or maybe this is something I don't know. Dad always says that you were brought up in the sequence and fear rather than us, but I wish they had been I wish we had taken more time, you know what to do to do stuff.

14:25 My flight go on Hikes, or do we did at the beginning? I think that's what before before time is was born. I remember a lot of road trips or Cold Katy would come along and then for some reason after that it did we just didn't seem to do that much of it. I don't remember you being a longing in many of them, you know, and I know and I wish we'd done more of that and all the Lost opportunities now that we put study. Through all her College admissions and stuff. I could say if I had to do it all over again if I had to start all over again, everybody would be going to to after curricular stuff, you know, learning languages and hurting tap dancing and singing and playing the guitar and everything 24 hours a day. So, you know, so maybe there are some regrets but not because of how you turned out your things that I wish.

15:25 I like being together, but you know, so what are some of the things that you feel like you haven't gotten to do or that you would still like to do.

15:38 I want to listen to Heart travel. I really yes. No, cuz I was thinking of that and I really would like to travel but I have the important. Well, maybe not in these last few years, but I have the opportunity to travel in the you know, when we do have time that we would be able to then we don't really do it. So even though it's sort of like something I would like I keep thinking. I wish I had more time and you know, I'm be able to take off and go somewhere but I'm not sure I really would do it so, I don't know.

16:20 What's holding you back?

16:23 Well, if I have free time now my idea is to mostly to go down and see my parents and since they can't get out and it's a difficult kind of family situation there that you know that mostly for the last four or five years whenever I've had free time unless I had a work-related trip coming up. I will probably go and see my parents and I have been going on to see my parents so

17:00 So I don't know but even when you know when that's not

17:07 You know, even when they're not around anymore, I'm not sure I would go off. I also have a difficult as you know life at home with all the

17:20 The animals we have to take care of and that was very obvious this last year when we left and then two of our of our animals died so that you know now since they're so old it just makes me feel that if I'm not around they are going to die and I think that if I am around there like to eat to stay around for a little bit longer which may not be true. But that's how I feel. Maybe there's something about that Grandma Noni to that. If you are around then they're likely to stick around a little bit longer if you go then

17:58 Do you want to talk a little bit about what you know, your mom was like maybe this we're talking about her and you were a kid.

18:10 Well, see, I was really brought up by my grandmother more than Grandma Noni and I don't remember her when I before she remarried. I don't remember her very much. She would she was working. You should be out of the house most of the day and then she would come in and I have very very vague memories of her and I remember my grandmother a lot more and my grandmother taught me to read and I would you know share sleep in the same room with her and I remember stuff about my grandmother a lot more and then when when I really don't know any remarried and we went off then yes that was speeding she was around full time and I was there but it was little bit different cuz she then had you know, the new baby will we left 4 in?

19:10 At the same time that she was pregnant with Rocky and so all of a sudden that was sort of more treated more as another grown up then another kid and

19:29 You know, there's a severe e

19:33 I don't know. That's that's how I feel. That's how I remember.

19:38 You think your life would have been very different if anybody had died or probably definitely definitely I don't know whether I can't say whether it would have been better words and I keep thinking I've ever thought about that a lot. What would have happened and I'm not sure giving all the situation in Argentina what would have happened if he hadn't died in oh, and I know that I probably would have stayed in Argentina and then a lot of ways the kind of feeling as an outsider that I've always felt because of always being the Foreigner somewhere would probably not have happened. So my personality might have been a lot different certainly living away from our grandmother's house would have made the personality probably a lot different. However,

20:38 All the stuff that went on in Argentina afterwards. I'm not sure what would have happened and what his role would have been has told me that he believes from the bottom of his heart that I knew I would have stood up and would not have gone along with the military was that was what my grandfather at the other anybody did you know, there was a similar situation in the thirties when he was a student he was in the military, but he was also a student at the University of Cordoba and there was student unrest at the time and the military were called in to to put down the student unrest and he refused to do it and he Gaga a bad Mark which was really bad for his for him for his military career.

21:35 But he refused to to do it with you always makes us very proud. But you know and it turned his life around because he became more he didn't resign from the military. He's had to resign a few years later because you know because of this because of his refusing to take an order. He only got up so high and then they, you know, they didn't promote him any state if somebody in the military doesn't get promoted then they're supposed to to resign to step down but he just stayed on with his work and anthropology and history has no history. And so and he's much more, you know, he's well known for that and that this little Museum in Cordova named after him, and he wouldn't have been known as anything if he just ate another.

22:32 Military officer

22:37 Well, I'm sure like all of that has taught you and us a lot of great valuable lessons. But what are what would be the lessons that you hope that you've taught us now that we've we're all grown up.

22:58 How's your kids? Okay honesty, you know just the to be honest honest with yourselves and do things straightforwardly, which maybe I don't always do and to stand up for what you believe and which I may not always do myself but is you know sort of the ideas that I think are important and I'm not sure if I always do I know that a lot of the times I've avoided stuffed it look like confrontation, even if it meant not standing up for what was right just especially in Mexico because I feel that it's certainly Lawless and you know, not a very secure place.

23:57 It'll also okay values Family Values macolino a lot more being nice to your parents.

24:10 Yeah, I feel it. I've become more impatient with kids but also that you have become more annoyed. So I guess I'm just preparing for the future.

24:32 It's hard to.

24:35 Until know so much about the person that and anticipate to every thought and then at the same time not see it confirmed.

24:50 Situations, but I don't know if you have any questions for us. Is there anything that you've always wanted to ask us but but

25:01 You know since you've come to the States, you never thought about going back and I don't know if there would be anything for you to go back certainly not in Puebla and but you've also gotten more distant, you know, it's like

25:18 The phone rings both ways and phone calls cost as much as what if I called and so I just wonder why not from you guys.

25:37 I think I've always been a procrastinator. I don't think it's something that I say. Oh, I'm not going to call him. I'm not going to call him cuz I would like to call call you guys.

25:52 But I think that sometimes it just gets put off and that just carries on and on and you're right that it should be something that I should do more often.

26:08 I don't like the phone. I got more and more as time goes on. I realize that I do know that right. I don't make that many phone calls. I'm going to phone rings. I often ignore it with my friends or me on the phone talking and rather spend time in person sometimes for doing something else and you know, I just it's never it. Doesn't it never feels like the right time to sit down and have a conversation except for Sunday mornings and you know early in the morning and then I never hear you always beat me to it and but then this also the stuff but you guys ignore you both live here in the city, but you don't see each other very much or don't talk to each other very much.

27:08 And you kind of exasperate each other when you do for a long time, and I'm just wondering that's so much about whether you should do it or not. That's up to you. But what you know, I always bring it back and sorry cookie always say it's not always about you, but I do think this about me if there was anything and in our family life that brought this on service this distancing.

27:41 No, I think it's just been.

27:45 I don't think that there's a particularly distance saying it's

27:52 I think it's just been how we've always.

27:55 And we've gotten Along being.

28:02 Heidi towards each other

28:06 I think there's a lot to the fact that we be very different lives and that we've always had very different interested in that sense. You know, my brother. My brother doesn't really go out that much as you know, if he does he mean he used to when he was first got to the city and he was making all that money and Banking and he would go to these clubs and buy $400 bottles like service at clubs and go dancing and and those are like all the young analyst do I think they can I get a little bit crazy, but now that he's has a girlfriend and settle down and moved in to get in. They have a dog that are very boring.

28:55 Hang out and then they're not very willing to come out.

28:59 See where I hang out with his in the Lower East Side or in the downtown Manhattan or in Brooklyn.

29:08 I think part of the thing is New York City is a lot bigger than a lot of people think so getting getting from one place to another not that many people have cars. I mean luckily my girlfriend has a car but I don't always get to use it. If no don't get to use it willingly don't always have it with me and it always takes a half hour to an hour to get.

29:36 From to and from anywhere and that combined also with working long hours.

29:45 I guess that's why I'm bored because and I'm you never really have enough time.

30:01 To be with every friend that you want to see and to and you can I have to make appointments days in advance with friends and with people and sometimes I don't have enough time to see my brother and I'm kind of relieved when he says he can't or you know or then or else yet and he and I from the subway and Ally sort of understanding away because when I you know weekends which are the times that I have at home, I barely even get out of pajamas. That's not that I spend all day in bed, but I just like to hang out in the house and just even thinking of going out to the shopping or whatever, you know chores.

31:00 Seems like a big chore and in that sense. I understand you have some free time and you just want to stay around the house and do whatever and not have to worry about anything. And if you have a set date then that kind of cuts today up, you know, if you have even if it's like late in the afternoon, or I got to go someplace at 3 or at 5 or you know, it's 7 it kind of cuts the day off in that you have to to think about that.

31:35 I could have been try the fact that my brother has a girlfriend that he spends time with and that he certainly thinking about that and then you know, he's not out there lonely. You think you're going to get married to Tiffany?

31:51 I know that she thinking about it. I probably do.

31:57 You probably do. Well I do think.

32:04 I don't know if I will probably be just knowing myself. I will probably be vague about that until it happens. I don't know. Are you this big to her? How does she put up with you? I don't know.

32:22 Yes. Hello. I love her very much for it for putting up with me.

32:30 It's been about two and a half years.

32:36 We'll see what happens. I guess maybe you'll invite us about the time you visited London and that beautiful a castle with a they were they were having a wedding. What a beautiful place to have a wedding.

33:03 Yeah, but it's this cute. We'll see you guys have a think about how you know where their family is going to be later on like you've pretty much settled here and it's unlikely that you would ever be going back either to Mexico or to Argentina said he that will probably be staying on in the states also and you know, and I don't know where that and I will end up because there's not that much sense staying on in Pueblo forever.

33:38 And I'm not sure we can come back to the States and if we went to Argentina not sure we would ever get to see each other.

33:50 Well, I'm I don't know.

33:55 Part of me now. Thanks a lot about like all the issues that Mexico has and goes from the lawlessness to like a true Justice there to the economic atmosphere and the sort of jobs that we would be able to get in Mexico and whether they would be able to pay as much as some of the jobs that were able to get here.

34:30 So all of those all of those things really going to my mind, but then again I do think about trying to find work and in a different country and wear that where my career will take me. I mean, it's still it's still too early to tell like where where I could end up going could even end up going to Argentina.

35:01 And that would be something cuz I don't think you know Dad and I are by ourselves in Mexico now and because I just don't feel that Mexico at the moment. It's really a country for two old people to live there alone and because of the lawlessness and the danger and health situation and this get free healthcare Healthcare with sometimes you talk to her in the free healthcare is sometimes not that good.

35:41 But there's also like right now there's a little gang in our place and don't even seem plan. They haven't gone much Beyond painting the walls with graffiti and saying he has a territory or whatever it is. Okay. Now we're pretty feeling pretty strong and okay, what will happen later on? I don't know.

36:10 I don't know what I'm going to end up but I don't think it's going to be New York. I don't think I would live here for a while. I think that you should not worry so much about what we're going to do know that you haven't sold in a sense of responsibility and it sent and unconditional love towards u-22 and matter where you end up that it's not about us. It's about your vacations and go anywhere else because we want to be with you guys.

36:44 I know that I will you know if it's the same way.

36:51 And don't feel guilty if you don't not do things because of us. We love you, Mom.

37:03 Thank you for coming and talking a little bit about this. Maybe you and I can come sometime as well. Here you go.

37:19 I love you, and I will keep that 40 for that say they still do not have the exact time in ticket.

37:26 I guess is a paper converting bokito.

37:30 He wasn't if they come earlier.