Pamela Sparkman and Robin Sparkman

Recorded March 5, 2014 Archived March 5, 2014 41:40 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: lmn003143

Description

Pamela Sparkman (43) is interviewed by Robin Sparkman (44) about her children Brett and Savannah, her life and career path, her mother's inspiration and sense of adventure, advice and hopes for her family's future.

Subject Log / Time Code

PS describes her children Savannah and Brett.
PS gives advice to her children on the paths that they choose and describes her own unconventional path.
PS describes her mother Gaga who was in the Peace Corps.
PS explains how she became a flight attendant.
PS explains why she went back to college to get her degree.
PS recalls her proudest moments--not sacrificing what she wanted to do.
PS expresses her hopes for her children's future.

Participants

  • Pamela Sparkman
  • Robin Sparkman

Transcript

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00:03 I'm robbing Sparkman and its March 5th 2014. I'm ready for this very Bobbitt and it were in New York City.

00:14 And I'm Pam Sparkman. I'm 43. It's March 5th 2014. And we're in Foley Square New York City and I'm here with my sister. So I thought we talked about today is this is for bread Savannah your your little peanuts who are the at this moment are 5 almost 6:03 and talk about that. I just have something so that they have, you know forever of this moment. I'm just talking about them and here's a shout-out Victoria and an eight and a half.

01:05 Great going up. Very fast. So I thought for Savannah and Brett want you were just describing the right now just just drive out there like right now and yes, well Savannah to is 10 days away from turning 6 years old in kindergarten. She's just lost her first tooth this week in mementos occasion to be fully believes that the Tooth Fairy is came and you know granted her gifts and coins gave her a stuffed little puppy dog. She is, you know, couldn't be smarter. She's learning to read and write and

01:47 She wears very sick purple glasses and couldn't be cuter. I think she's exciting you're starting off at kindergarten at home school and a challenging year being the only one with glasses was involved. But but it's made her stronger and she's definitely in her, you know in her own creative world. I would say if she has inherited they artistic Gene she can draw as well as I can and render render images from your life better than anything else that she does. She can put a toy down on the table and capture its image perfectly at 5. I think is quite impressive and then you know, she just chooses she is obsessed with animals and wants dog or any pets vaginal that would be willing to give her besides the fish that are disappearing one, but it's a little bit of this.

02:47 There's kind of business should have done done done done done. Wait, turn off the lights because the next day just don't know who's going to be there. I do wake up in the morning. No carcasses are nothing. But Sarah Savannah is getting out. That's that's her world. She she hates dolls, but just loves animals loves Littlest Pet Shops and anything to do with animals and being an animal and drawing animals. What is she like that school? She loves learning how to read and write she is she definitely enjoys that enjoys stories enjoys being right?

03:23 But I would say she probably is going to be more of a math girl. She spends most of her time telling me you know, what's 3 + 6 + 5 cuz I know and I'm playing math games and she likes putting together charts the grid sheet where she can count to a hundred and count by multiples. I think that's she enjoys that because it's there's an exactness of rightness. That's very logical to her about math. I'll do entering the zero and below zero concept car blows her mind a little bit, but she's aged she's active she's physically, but she hasn't really gravitated towards.

04:19 Any Key Sport at the most? You know, I think she likes every side she has enjoyed ballet and while they could sleep over stuffed animals and it has stopped belly yoga because she could pretend to be an animal. What's that stopped? She stopped liking goes, I think she's got some depth issues with the classes and it's really prevent some of those skills from developing as fast as of the kids right to other people other people.

05:19 You would describe him to us right now. I sure so bread is 3 in September. It's now March and he's in the threes program at St. Luke's with little kids and he definitely likes school went to see if they're going every day, but he is just you know, he really he's a homebody he likes being home. He just wants to snuggle and she's just a little puppy a little love. If you could just lick my cheek and put the phone all day and a great future as he figures out. How what button in Toyland lover is on, you know, any kind of toy that before any of us even realized it was there he can definitely pull everything apart.

06:19 All back together prepared for it to be dismantled and analyzed and describe the pullback features and other of his superheroes and their

06:40 Their weapons and their cars and vehicles that they'll drive. I would say he's definitely Spider-Man and Batman fan definitely sleeping in those PJs is resisting taking them off would like to wear a cape everyday superhero. So

07:08 Realistic there, but I see him he's got this incredible fine motor skills as far as working with obsessed with the teeniest tiniest Legos that are for the sort of like 6 to 14 age group and putting them together and figure out how to make it all work. And you know, that's definitely his specialty I will always impressed with that and it just teaches very loving you Doris his sister he would like to marry his sister. He does have a girlfriend named Natalie at school and apparently they hug and kiss every day on the playground cuz they're not in the same class.

07:59 So I should say but yes, they say they have been friends for the last two years in school. But I'm really excited. He just got into the Early Learning Program at the public school. So he will be starting at big kids school next year, which is really an accelerated a pre-k program for 4 year olds and I think in time when Darien looks like a boy who's before or you know from Summer on being forced to repeat preschool that that's been friends that for him going to kindergarten in September birthday will be I'm just me and I were switching schools just to make sure that he's up to speed as possible because for most of the boys will be do you know a full year older than him or more money center in kindergarten tell me about bread Savannah as far as when they relate to each other. I mean other other moments where users see them play together or interact together and

08:59 This is why I know yesterday. She came home from school and either what is go wash your hands and she had to go over and hug him and kiss him first and then go wash your hands and she came back and she decided to bring a big wet towel because she thought she might have gotten germs on him and left a big big fight started. But you know, but yeah, I think my sister and they're very affectionate together hugging and kissing and cuddling and then there's those big girl moments where she doesn't want him anywhere near him and he just eat out just wait outside the door until he's allowed to come in play again, but now they are really very protective of each other. They certainly in the car. I look back.

09:59 And I'll be in their car seats holding hands. That's a no that's and they went Savannah that when they're in public in front of their friends or something at a larger offense social Gathering, you know, she gets very excited and will pick him up and carry him around you that kind of show him off.

10:20 What do you think? Like how do you think it would relate as adults in a business basis? Let you know they will always be close. I really do think yeah, I think that their bond and maybe it's from living in a small house or something right there their physical proximity to each other when they would love to share room right now, which we come back and forth about it, but I just feel like them. Never sleep so we know we're keeping them their own rooms, but I think that in the long run, I think I hope that they respect each other and support each other and that they stay in close contact that they have each other right, you know, everybody's and and its allies, you know, I have a feeling, you know, it'll be drooling over Savannah Walter Francis.

11:20 But I hope they'll get past that. Yeah, I did think growing up in a small house. You're just do not used to having a lot of privacy. Right? Right. Exactly. Yes. I did. I used to be able to there's no separate wig to your hair. Looks like what do you want to talk about like your life? You know that what do you think? What's your like your biggest adventure? You know that you've Solomon Islands or you know, like what do you want? Tell him I could terms of something that you did that you really just say, you know what that's what I would say to them and then what I what I was thinking about that when it comes to school at all that had it to do things that you're your own pace, you know, I hope they don't think so. My mom went to get her Masters at Harvard and that's

12:20 That's that's what you expect of me because the truth is that was a longer before I dropped out of undergrad and became a flight attendant and to travel the world and live over in Korea and you know, then just explore and be a tumbleweed and go bum around Hawaii living in a trailer and I have those experiences that are non that are driven by monetary desires that are just as enriching and rewarding, you know, it's early like tusing a path, you know working in education certainly not is not the most at you know, if you want it end up driving a Mercedes and living in a mansion is probably not the road to take that there are other paths to take that are still as satisfying info filling before you are married and have your children. Let's do this in a take those trips to those exciting things, you know, just try

13:20 Play something if it sits at the mood strikes you and you know, I would hope that they don't just fall in Step as kids in Darien do and go feel like they have to do Straight four years of college and then straight into the Masters and tell them if they do that's great. But even when I did start teaching, you know knowing that I let you know, I didn't have the resources to do a lot of traveling of getting that Grant at the funds for teachers and going down to the Cook Islands, you know and staying in Rarotonga for the summer is starting that arts program at at elementary school like a fabulous experience, you know, when we can come Rose Hotel in Crazy Islands, you know, it's because there's a good things to do and let you know I had to leave their dad to you know, and test that relationship to go do it.

14:20 Now turn down you turn down more solid stable opportunities to do something on a whim if it can be worth it since Adventure I think of questions. I I think that I think gaaga is fearless and independent definitely has placed her own path has definitely lick of extreme feminist and just other she fell and stuff just because she has kids early, you know, and she's very moral and afraid she responsible and responsible and was had to because she had to be able to read and no husband, but she I think that that that that's heard of that Fierce drive to just

15:16 Do not follow the status quo. I think I got it doesn't erase in me that sell for Life. Yes, and I think he's had this fear in high school that I would just marry one of these.

15:32 And get stuck here and I never leave. You know, I just I really didn't want to do that. And I think I'll say we saw some tragedy is a kid and I felt like money was a source of a lot of people's unhappiness in Fairfield County. Yeah kid growing up there had to be something better, but you couldn't just be like, yeah cuz you know, there's so many people in town that everybody can get into an Ivy League not everyone can you know go to work in financing and then everyone should write the Sun is going to make you happy and it didn't make a lot of people happy that we knew our boyfriends parents and you know a lot of wealthy people. Yes. Yes. Yes moment that really stands out for you that

16:32 Inspired you to be the way you are as she was in the Peace Corps and I think and she was she was over she was in Gabon in Africa when Kennedy was shot. And I think that was very moving for her that experience and then she did the exchange in international living and those are all very alternative options for you know, someone who didn't have the money to go to college with, you know, couldn't be brighter had scholarships go to college but couldn't make up the difference to write to get her finish her degree and go to the skeleton Vanderbilt and now the girls swimming school and did traveling she traveled she loved traveling grace exploring ins

17:24 I think she just always I think you know, when we moved to Rowayton, you know after she got divorced when we were really little and I think there were people entered of looked at her as you know, I think back in 7 days because I told mom it was a little isolating, you know back in Fairfield County and so she just had to sort of Blaze her own way and do things that she just because they were fun to do not because that's what I wrote up Country Club did because she wasn't part of the country out of circumstance, but it gave us a little bit of you know, I should have the ability to just be free and I don't know if she would agree with that. I think she probably would have been happier if I had Smith.

18:10 Favorite memory going up Vineyard. We used to go to Edgartown race week in Martha's Vineyard with our stepdad raced with our uncle and my mom's all bosses Ziegler's and we'd go up every every summer and we're a little ways say to Harborview Edgartown Commons just have great memories of like strawberry daiquiris virgin big parties lots of sailing and you didn't do a lot of things that I was always run out on those boats. I don't think I ever went out but we were you there was a porch overlooking the harbor with a rocking chair that that was God's idea of Happiness. Yes, just to sit on that porch overlooking the harbor and see the boats come in and stuff and I think that

19:10 I had her at her office. She had a picture of that young though. Maybe she has something I didn't even ask to see the blue hydrangeas. Yeah, you know look out at the Lighthouse. And so that's actually where my husband Jonathan for postmate was down at the Lighthouse. We'd left Harborview after a cocktail and went down late Houston for the beach and that's where he proposed to me. And then we took Savannah back there when she was

19:42 I guess that's not even once every 6 months old when we came back that summer. Yeah. Yeah about your view of the world have sex with your with your kids. What time to talk about how you end up being a flight attendant?

20:05 I took a question, you know, I had been out west I've been done Santa Cruz is an artist working for a ceramic sculpture artists and should have just had an opportunity to get out to Hawaii which was sort of the past but you know six months there was an experience living with the Ramones and some other get out of crazy rockers from back in the day and then came back and to Seattle and I was just sort of looking at you and I wasn't sure if I want to stay in the Arts and wanted to stay in there. It's didn't know how to find them really just on a web saw that there was a Medevac Service Company up in Alaska that was hiring and it was actually a huge snowstorm and I didn't think they were going to have the interviews or anything like that and I called to make sure and they said we are a company from Alaska to the airport.

21:05 Which made sense and you know, I went down and it's one of these things where it's a huge Auditorium of people at a hotel and you get weeded down day after day after day and I know I got in went up to Alaska for Flight Training for Medevac training or learn how to strap down incubators and all that stuff work on what they call Cargo Combi where the Play the clean up went up so you can load some fish show cargo and some incubators and anyone who's been shot. So that was that was the start of it is it was quite an adventure. I think there was a TV show back then Northern Exposure might actually filmed in Seattle. This is where I was living, but I was just had to sort of notion that I wanted to get to Alaska somehow I asserted on a very young bucket list 24

22:05 So it was just an adventure cat was very cold. Like I did and I definitely didn't realize that like I didn't have to wear the little skirt. When you're out in Deadhorse Alaska that you could actually put on some fleas with X and learning as we let open up down in the lower 48 and got to explore and I'll just lived in Vegas for a few weeks opening up Oklahoma City Live down in Denver for little while and then then there was an opportunity to take a position at Asiana Airlines over in Korea and whenever they aren't sacrifice everything Caroline and John wedding, you know, whenever there for six weeks of training learning how to Bow be very polite to Korean palace how to do makeup and they gave us color palette and the makeup and the pantyhose.

23:05 Tattoo so I have a full full makeup on everything and we had to be in swimming, you know lessons and protocol for you know, ditching airplane ditching case you open up a life raft anchor it was much more intense. But I thought it was interesting and I remember if that was her back in the day where there were certain distance learning so you can really use the computer doing that through the Community College list Seattle Community College and then you know, I had gotten into u-dub, but I had to actually go there to finish the last two years of school. So I was definitely at a crossroad.

24:05 I was a little burned out from flying I've gotten Lyme disease that last year as a flight attendant in Korea in Connecticut. And so and I just don't think I could open another soda to save my soul. Yeah, so then I went back and went and I remember your graduation day as a fantastic day. Why was it such an important day? I graduated from high school in 1988 and I graduate from college in 1998. Right? I mean to 10 years later so very different path and they were definitely those times where I was very wrapped up in my life thinking I will just be a flight attendant. I think if Mark her hadn't gone out of business, you know what I mean? I could have stayed there a lot longer. I was enjoying that life not so much and he's a flight attendant.

25:05 Ring to it that it's in reality not so great credibility to to just who I was as a person. I don't think I've never thought school. Was that hard or challenging? But I know it was some a box. I needed to check in order to establish a career or opportunities. It just had to have it there was just no way and I had seen the way the world have looked at me without a degree. I'm most my friends that I'm still in touch with that are still flight attendants don't didn't didn't finish their maybe got an associate's along the way and I just think it's just one of those things that I ate part of yourself some stand that has to be accomplished in order to feel like you have it the same opportunities the same doors whether you walk through them or not. We have to get it done.

26:05 To that point to think that I think it was that wasn't it. I just it was more like that. I think I was just enjoying where I was and you know, and I think I was definitely a tumbleweed back then to sort of whatever looked good at the time. I'd go try it and do it. It was definitely in the back of my mind of can I get this done? Am I going to financially be able to stop working full-time and go to school who's going to pay for it? How we going to pay for it? I think those financial hurdles it seem more Apparent at the time. I think of him when your 18 go to sleep. Just expect your parents to suck it up somehow and pay for it some way or ask asking later for God to help me to to do it and I had a big lie in state resident. It was a state school.

27:05 Right thing and it was a treat and I still feel that way that this day and then going back to Harvard to get my Master's I think to treat to take time off of work and be in class and only have to think about learning and writing and you know absorbing information and being lectured to I get fabulous where I think I was just burned out. You know, when I was younger, I'm glad I didn't rush through it. Who knows what my degree would have been in Fine Arts MFA and you know, that was the other that was sort of what helped me back to nobody sport of me going in and doing a BFA and MFA. Nobody wanted me to have an arts degree. I know thank you. And what was it like, you know, you dropped out of college and then you go back and get your degree 10 years.

28:05 Chico from being somebody who writes got to tell everybody. I'm not going back to college right get it to non-believers. I think it we had to sit to send cousin James the actual acceptance letter. He's like you're taking classes at that little night school in Cambridge.

28:28 That was big but I think I see this I think I was pretty you know, it's one of those things. I think I get something in my head and decide to do think something and I knew right away graduating with my BA at your job, but I wanted to go straight into a master's program and I didn't get into Stanford. The first time I applied and I camera guy who was head of the Department of the Arts and education program. What do I need to do? I made it a breeding. I read every book of his I read everything over the next two years took the jobs. He thought I should take I really really bugged this guy for a long time. And then when I did get in to Harvard, I didn't get into Stanford and they sent me a rejection letter by accident.

29:13 And when it was maybe a month later and I'd already accepted the Harvard that they actually he called me and said I don't understand you two years like her and I said you didn't except me and it was a it was a mishap. I do always feel like that's the one thing I probably

29:34 I probably would have gone to Stanford right? I know you guys were on my case. Like I'm on the second I graduated I was back again. Yes. And what is it warm weather? So what else do you think that your kids should know about your your life and and things that you're you're proud of me to park obviously your proudest be their mother. That's what else you know, cuz you had a hold full of life, you know before you had had them. Yeah, I would say, you know, I think it's it's more that you know, you can sort of

30:34 You can get to whatever end goal from so many different paths and I just I feel like I didn't sacrifice anything that I wanted to do like a you know, whether it was traveler see the world and you know, if that's what you want to do it either there different ways to do it from without just going to making six figures and getting on the train and commute to York City every day. There's just there's other ways of if it's really that you want to travel or you want to live in another country are there ways to do it without having to go a traditional route and save those 14 days of vacation every year to make that life happen for you. And I think you have to be perceptive and open and I but I would say is that I'm just proud that I did each one of them and then I feel like I was pretty fearless and each circumstance and I think because of that, you know, I've met people from all over the world I've seen the world of world becomes a very small place becomes less scary.

31:34 Meeting people making new friends throughout my life has been very easy for me. I think because I've been very did all these things. So low, I did them alone. I wasn't married. I wasn't strong relationships or whatever. These were just me traveling, you know, it's a flight attendant get up traveling to eat spotter trying something new and just trusting my gut and my instincts and hoping that it all turned out but I think having a good moral compass throughout it is is, you know keeps you sort of on the upside of things when you're experimenting and trying and make money while what do you mean by strong moral compass? You know, I just thinking just knowing that in the sense that you know, it just having good values that like you could be an exciting situation where they're at the concert or exploring all that in and not sort of goat it out. You can look at your watch and now it's time to go home and no that's like when there's danger.

32:34 Nearby and still make Intelligent Decisions and and it's okay to make decisions just because they're fun, you know and just because it's a good experience, you know that a lot of those sort of non-tangible experiences actually, you know a great building blocks for for conversation for the rest of your life stories and memories and I think I think there I would have a lot of regret if I had just

33:01 Got everything back to back and and not have done what I've done.

33:08 Do you think that it's easier to live in the suburbs as a mother of two small children and do the laundry? I need to do an easy about living in the suburbs. I do the laundry every day. I have to make dinner every night. They'll read back in the snow like, oh that was the two years. We were in the suburbs and then we like bought a boat for Jonathan Ive. Suburbs is is an is happening today. I don't know if you know, I think we're both we both know it's the right thing for the kids now that I think that is far as what I know about educational development at this stage of the game. They do need stability. It's good for them. It's a safe environment. It's the best education we can provide them with Public Schools is certainly in Darien and I know they everywhere all of us would like to be back in California, but I don't think the school systems are great. I don't think we can afford the home we wanted.

34:08 It doesn't mean we won't try something else. I think you know, I think this is a very in the now in the you know in the elementary school face of life and we'll see what's next and what would you say to your kids if if they say to you? You know what I don't want to go to college I would say about Brett going into kindergarten and not during a Pre-K year. I was think this is his get-out-of-jail-free gapier. This is his like he can go to he can take two years off before college and he'll still be in the right age when he goes back. I feel like this is his, you know, you're helping him. There will be a window for him to do it. I don't want him to feel like he's been in school like this. I feel like somebody's kids are going to be graduating from high school at 19. And what would you want what you want your kids to do if they took a break from you know that

35:08 The high school college live another try something more extreme weather. It's you know, if the one you know, I've sailed up the coast of the on the Pacific Ocean, but I haven't sailed across the Atlantic some of that bucket list things to do with a cruiser or something, but I hope that they try something that really stretches their

35:37 Their comfort zone

35:40 And their idea of materialism in and you know what, they really need to eat at some sort of whether you know, it was out camping in the woods for an extended. Of time or something that they live without Creature Comforts the other day to experiment with something like that and really did they always know what they really do need and what you really don't need to be happy and why it just going to press you a little more. Why why is it so important? Is it so easy to get wrapped up in you know that the material side of life and the keeping up with the Joneses and I think knowing what you do in your heart and soul need to make you happy. It's critical like what are the bare minimum things that you need to survive 2 to be good and to be like psyched about life. Is it really good to know that and let you know, I think you're allowed to just walk outside and be able to look up at the clouds mean OC the crocuses coming on the ground. It's just being able to take 5 minutes in a day.

36:40 Just to know that that that is valuable in that can bring you back to some part of piece of a comic moment of your life for the Clutter of stuff and life isn't there. It's important to have that and do you feel it if you had you got that last in early, but I do I do I said we might be up in four button to TP by next year. But yes.

37:15 And and I think we should talk by Guy perfume for the last few minutes what we talked about Gaga's sense of adventure and self-reliance. What else do you think that you learn from? God that you would want it and part heater kept reading and knowledge. Like there was definitely when I was traveling back in the day and didn't give the New York Times and wasn't reading a novel that I would get nervous coming home for the holidays knowing that all of you would be very well-read and that guy will have no every news article that has come out and every book in every movie and I think just being current and having current information being aware of the world putting the world in context, you know, having regular knowledge with it what to do with it. It's up to you, but just having so being aware of certain current events and turn information. And I think also knowing that escaping into books and all that is a pleasure and a treat that you know it

38:13 And let you know what's the weather holds literally literally yes or whether I fix the she now has like weather fear. No, but I'm going to be minutes from the hurricane. Give me weather anxiety is that I think the biggest lesson from her mother is will she would say education education education down to sort of ironic. Right? And I would also say fiscal responsibility do whatever you want in life. But just be responsible for yourself financially right now and you know, just don't don't live beyond your means. And yeah, I know you can live at whatever scale you want, but you have to be prudent. Yes, right, right. So right up Dad don't rack up. You know, it's just yeah just a real live within your means, whatever that whatever that means.

39:13 She was someone who had lived on little means but still found pleasure in buying herself something from you know, like on sale to treat yourself since it out there. It's unit resale to some good food or stop and get a scone or whatever. She always likes. Biscotti is a good bread or I can bring you pleasure. Yeah. Yeah. Well Broughton Savannah you guys are lucky you have a wonderful mom here who tried to tried to organize her life in the radical ways to pull out some left if you had a full and complete life and then you had your beautiful peanuts. And so now you can really devote yourself to them and and think that's all I want to do.

40:13 My priority right now and and I think Victoria and Charlotte would feel the same and it's also very important in Savannah that you guys know that you're you know, you are a part of this larger family, you know, and that's I think that all Brett Savannah and you guys are all so lucky to to know your grandmother and to have her such a huge part of your lives. I mean, she's so dedicated. She's so yes. He is so dedicated to you guys and also just to be part of this larger family and don't don't take it for granted that you have all these all these ants and second cousins and people around you because you're lucky it's not on

41:04 That not everybody gets that and also did you just miss me when your kids are like? Yeah, whatever that's going. So that's my aunt when you get older, you know, people dispersed so much all over the world and it's just it wonderful to have the sense of of family in this intergenerational connection that all these people actually are related to you and in some way and they are all vested in your future and your well-being and I think that's important for all these little kids to to know that I can remember that I agree spark Mania.