Kati Frazier and Kate August

Recorded April 9, 2019 Archived April 9, 2019 40:19 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: lmn003866


Kati Frazier (33) and Kate August (35), wives, recall their first meeting, elopement, and wedding all in the last few years.

Subject Log / Time Code

KF talks about her first thought when KA messaged her, KA recalls her favorite memory of their first date. KA recalls when KF said on their first date, "I need you to stop making me laugh so I can kiss you."
KA and KF recall their first trip together to Colorado and California.
KA explains why she wanted to take the trip and KF describes what it was like meeting KA's parents in Colorado.
KA expresses that her favorite part of the trip was buying rings, and talks about when she knew KF was the one.
KF recalls the advice her mother gave her when meeting KA's mom, and KA on meeting KF's mom.
KA and KF describe deciding, in 2016, to get married.
KA sets the scene of their elopement.
KF and KA on what they are looking forward to in the coming years.
KA recites the poem read at their wedding celebration.


  • Kati Frazier (b. 1985)
  • Kate August (b. 1984)

Recording Location

Lower Manhattan StoryBooth


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00:09 Okay, my name is Katie Frazier. I am 33 years old. Today is Tuesday April 9th. When the Lower Manhattan storycorps booth and I'm here with my wife.

00:24 Hi, I'm Kate August. I'm 35 years old. Today is Tuesday, April 9th and Laura. We are in lower Manhattan storycorps booth and I am also talking to my wife. And the first question I would ask is how long were you on OkCupid before you met me before I wrote 20000 this deeply embarrassing I was

00:54 I was on OkCupid before it was called OkCupid like high school music spark match. I mean I it as a queer person who grew up in the South like there was not a lot of ways to me other queer people write in general let alone for dating. So I went online getting really early special cuz I'm like not I mean you can put me in a gay bar and I'll just sit in a corner and not talk to anyone. So yes, I was going too pretty for a really really really long time. Really long time. How long were you Kate on OkCupid? Yes grand total. I think less than a month.

01:46 Cuz I had I had four friends leave New York City like they moved and I got sad and lonely and drunk. So I want to OkCupid and I messaged a bunch of people that matched me one of them being you so you're very efficient. I have quiz. That is the point. I get it. What was your initial thought when you received a message from me on OkCupid

02:19 I just thought was this person does not have a clear field over their face there really a creeper and therefore I should not respond. But I was I was bored and I was at my friend's birthday party where I realize I was the oldest person there was super awkward. So it was so yeah. So I like a bunch of things. I would have normally made me like ignore you reaching out to me like you were in New Jersey and yeah, I ignored because I have to do and then you were like all like nice and charming and funny and you give good text. So I yeah, so that's what I did that night instead.

03:19 In fact, I remember I like from that part I is my friend's birthday party and the night but I couldn't stay long cuz I had to go home cuz it's also my roommate's birthday. And so I went home and it literally my roommate was like Lolita. We're not home yet. Come hang out with us at this far and I was like, no. I'm just going to go home so I can keep talking to this girl.

03:44 Cool

03:49 I can't talk more about that for me. You were my highlight. There were several other people that I tired. I've done the initial reach out, but you know, it's okay Cupid you just scream into the void until one person finally talks back to you.

04:11 Which is nice and then and then maybe we'd somehow grade. Did we agreed to a date then? We we were supposed to go on a date. Like I remember the truth clearly cuz I was supposed to go on another date. You're supposed to go on a day like that Wednesday and then you were texting and you're texting me nonstop all Sunday and you're like I'm getting off of work. I don't know. Maybe I'm going to go get a drink but I don't know if I want to drink alone. Like just looks so head spearhead. I was like, okay, I'm going to the bar if I don't come back I've been murdered and yeah, and then I was supposed to like meet up with someone else. I was supposed to go to the first date with this girl on Monday the app the day after and I told faked sick cuz I was like, nope now this

05:11 One of my favorite memories of that first date and we'll I've been caught and drinks instead of date cuz we still in there. Yeah, one of my liked one of the moments that really kind of clicked in for me was when you said I need you to stop making me laugh so I can kiss you and that was what I was like, oh wait. Yes. Yes, please. That's a thing that I would like to know. How you doing. Yeah. I don't remember ever having that much like my face hurts and like it was a Sunday night and I had work in the morning and we were out like I feel like we got home of I got him to see me later 3 a.m.

06:11 And then I wanted to see you after that before our first date date and I just lied and told that other girl I was sick. And so I was like well that seems even router so I told you I was sick.

06:30 And then you're like I'mma come over and bring you soup and Isaac slow down.

06:38 I've known you for a very short. Of time. I am okay I can get my own safe.

06:52 Yeah, and then I feel like

06:58 The biggest Smiles that was when you finally let me go to your apartment cuz you're like you can ever done my part right now. I know it was terrible. I was terrible cuz I was living in in a studio in New Jersey and really kind of going through a lot of depression because I'd moved into the studio after the fire and my other apartment and you know, that's what it took to get an ex out.

07:24 That's a whole nother story.

07:30 I had I know I mean it within it's just in a one-sentence within 24 hours. I was unemployed and homeless and that sucked and around Christmas time. Exactly. Exactly. Once I got a new apartment. I didn't live with my girl ex-girlfriend name or the studio. So I had finally managed to clean up enough that someone that I was interested could come in and not think less of me. I would like to see part of the apartment. I was still not permitted to go in the kitchen or the kitchen was so nasty.

08:09 There was a door to the kitchen so I could go and like the one room in the bathroom cuz you're welcome in closed space.

08:25 Congratulations, stay here. I'll go get you food from the mystery hole salt trips.

08:41 And then and then what in September we took a trip to

08:47 Yeah, I already did all of my family. Yeah, we did we did the the the Schweitzer tour. It's which ones are offered tour of the US. Remember when you were like I want to take you on a trip and I was like, I can't afford it you like I'm paying for it. I'm putting you on playing we're going to Colorado going to go to California and then I mention on the phone with my mother never going to go on this trip together and my mom's light.

09:15 I think that my mother had also recently gone through a divorce. So she was all about Lego Katie. What's your exit strategy what it like you end up in dating this girl on like what if you want to break up while you're like on the plane? What you going to do? And she paid for everything like Katie?

09:31 Are pagan now and it's like months from that Katie this is and I was like Mom comes to town.

09:38 You know why that that'll happen the right?

09:41 Cuz we were sitting in the Scandinavian have your sing that terrible show at the arrow and it was a 3 hander in the lion. I want to say and we are waiting for the show to start and that weird guy gave us a hug. Okay, I don't want to be recorded bashing his theater, I know exactly what you're talking about. It was a weird bad child that show and while you're sitting there in the audience you haven't had like notice that The Princess Bride was going to be covered in Shipwrecked and you're very excited about it.

10:26 And I and it was in San Francisco and that when you're like, oh, it's in San Francisco want Bob and got really sad and I was like, oh no we have to go to San Francisco. This is this is important. So because I wanted to go to like a weird.

10:44 Live reading a fanfiction in San Francisco like to Colorado and La it's time we did that because the flights because it was identified for cheaper that way. It looks like it is said that you needed me to meet your family. It's really that you wanted me to go to the weird nerdy if we're going to San Francisco options of the trip were if you're going to San Francisco, then it would be like driving down the coast is like the most important part of California if you're going to go to San Francisco and then we also talked about wanting to go to La driving down. The coast is amazing. However, I could not allow you to meet my aunt and uncle and my grandmother before meeting my actual parents, which is why would Colorado first then LA to San Francisco drive up the coast also cuz it was cheaper that way.

11:37 Okay, yeah.

11:41 Yeah, yeah.

11:44 That was

11:46 It was a really good trip. Was your favorite part?

11:53 Honestly, I really like meeting your parents.

11:57 I really like meeting your parents. I like your parents is so just as terrorists like distressing deeply distressing I did because I I don't know.

12:13 I don't know that I've ever liked been thrown into a space like that and just been immediately greeted with just so much affection like I mean a joke about it because I Colorado Elevations off and I walk in the door and immediately your mother shoves a glass of wine at me and your dad makes me tries to read if it was he and I was drunk within like the first hour because elevation altitude you so much but

12:42 I don't know. It's a human version of like walking into a room full of puppies, like just everyone there. It was just like ready to love me, and I don't know that I'd ever

12:55 Experience that you know, so it was it was really it was really nice and it was really

13:03 I mean was also it felt like

13:05 Quite a huge thing from you. I mean

13:10 I don't know that I've ever met. I don't think I've ever met anyone's parents. Like I mean, I've met people parents but like in a relationship, I don't think anyone has ever come meet. My parents were way to get on a plane to do it like it is the event is meeting you. Hi Adam the right like so it was like nerve-racking and that very sitcom way but also like really like this vote of confidence. So you're the first ones to the first one to meet my parents that makes you feel better. I got a lot of like high school that's high school.

13:45 We'll just like meeting one's parents when like they live far away you live in New York is like, you know, it's a plane ticket situation not alike come over for dinner situation. But yeah it is. What was what was your favorite part of that trip. Do you remember when we were in San Francisco when we were walking by The Wharf and there was this like, they're all the upholstery stands and where we bought our rings.

14:15 And like they were $9, but it was one of those things where I knew that you weren't ready to be asked to marry me.

14:28 But I knew that like I was done like I'd found my person and there you were and so I like in wearing those rings and putting them on was like a way of me saying, you know, this is like when you're ready, I'll officially ask but like I'm here I'm done. This is it I'm here for you.

14:51 When was that moment when did you know?

14:54 I mean when exactly like when did I know exactly that I was in love and it was done and over. It's like a it's suddenly had a new name.

15:11 You know, it had a name like it never really had a day before that. It was just kind of beating and sad and then it was like oh, oh I got this and I think it was for me. It was really early on a word like everything was so easy. And you made me laugh and I made you laugh and

15:33 Life is a really good and I'm so for me the mode in San Francisco was when I when I bought those rings with like me being saying to you like this is that I'm here for you. Whenever you're ready for me to be here like to make it official. I'm down.

15:56 Not wanting to you know, overstep boundaries and whatnot for friendship and whatever you need to believe it's fine.

16:26 Oh, my can't leave a lot at least everybody thinks of their own family is a lot. So for me it was

16:37 I knew my my parents would love you cuz like how could they not cuz it's you I was more worried about how weird how like I know that they're a lot and the the constant offering of beverages. I just I worry that they were tried too hard to impress, you know, where do you know but you know what I mean, like it's just so opposite the normal narratives like I'm supposed to be trying to impress them. But I knew like that's who my family is like my brother, but he's

17:15 It describes but it was it was it was cool. It was it was awkward for me cuz I like one of those situations where you not really certain where you need to like step in like

17:36 Is is three whiskeys too many do I need to catch you off but also blank every time I walk through the door in Colorado. It's on Spotify.

17:49 Of excitement in dogs and everything.

17:56 I just remembered when I cuz I was nervous to meet your parents.

18:01 And one of the few times my mother has ever given like a motherly relationship advice cuz she's not that kind of mom like she was never that kind of person but I told her we were going I told her I was nervous but here's what you do to get her mother to like you.

18:22 When when she's tidying up after dinner offer to help pick up a broom wash a dish just like do you like one thing in your in your side? And I feel like I was like, nope. That's it. Literally help clean and you're done with anybody like me happy. I know like when we when we left she like me to point of hugging me, and she just like my daughter is so happy. So I'm so I love you because my daughters because I've never seen my daughter so happy.

18:59 So no pressure no fresh air.

19:08 When you hit my mom.

19:13 Yeah, your mom was amazing because I mean all of her family is anytime you bring somebody new into a circle radius ramps it up cuz they want everybody just kind of wants to be liked and so they they try to put their their best face forward in and and and wrap everything up and I remember your mom just telling stories just stories are stories and I will never live down the fact that I went to the bathroom right when the Tigger dance happened twice and we tried to get her to do it again this last time and she wouldn't reply but I don't I don't remember why Mom ended up doing the take your dad's since she was clearly like down at 2:11 the moment you arrived I was and then I didn't even realize you're in the bathroom cuz I remember being definitely embarrassed. I didn't realize you were in the room and Mom.

20:13 Did the Tigger dance like the complete with the song on the kitchen floor? And then there was like I think you inverted the words here. But like how leading look and then got her to do it like goaded her into doing the whole thing again, and it was amazing and you completely missed it really messed up.

20:38 They just like talk Non-Stop and talk Non-Stop and there's like yesterday like there's no way it's really hard to get an entry point really hard to like break into the conversation be like hello. I'm here to three of us can talk cuz you have my mom and my older brother will just like go and I would try to sort of like pull you in and let users.

21:01 Yeah, I mean I I I'd like list I also as a human and and I think I work differently one coming into larger groups for the first time. We're like I try to absorb as much as I can have the people around me and like listen and and here and try to find those ways to rekindle that connect inside like waiting for my opportunity to speak which I think that's kind of tells my comfort level cuz the more I know someone the less likely I am to talk because it's I don't need to

21:44 Tempura with you talk a lot sure. There's ever questions because we got married. We had our wedding just this last week Monday April 1st 2019, but we got married April 1st 2017. Yes.

22:21 So do you want it? Will you please tell me tell me about 1/4? Why you why you obviously both said you wanted to get married while he wanted to get married then.

22:41 I mean, I mean when we made the decision it was November 2016. Yeah. Yeah, and it was like get married now to move to Canada at like that was where we were at like that was our life plans that we are moving forward towards and and the move to Canada was was not was not really in the cards already. We're not in Canada right now. So that didn't happen. Every liberal was like well, how do I become a Canadian Citizen? And so it was like a month later that I moved into your apartment in December?

23:24 And then and then we like I think we kind of joke about it first and then it became just this thing that we were going to do and then it was a matter of finding someone to officiate.

23:41 Which first we asked your friend and she was not available. Yes, and I'm sorry. I just really hoped but we hardly ever refer to it as a little thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it was. Cuz when you think of a loafing you think about like somebody running to Vegas and getting married and this was like we thought about it. We planned it. We went to City Hall. We we had meetings with with Jen and Paul my friends that were kind of on the cusp of our regular friends so we can keep the secret if we wanted to which I think was always the plan. I don't know if he ever actually talked about keeping it a secret.

24:25 I don't know.

24:28 I feel like it was less we could get married. We could just go ahead and get married now and keep it a secret and more we could just go ahead and get married now and we don't need to tell anyone. Yeah, right. It was like I don't

24:42 You know, right like four months before my mother had been like Katie getting on a plane for a long vacation with someone you barely know. I'm there. I'm like as though that was like so I was like, yeah.

25:01 You know, I mean we talked about it at that the wedding last week, but

25:07 I didn't want to I wasn't ready for everyone else to do it Savvy right yet. I still wanted to have

25:16 You know, you'd only we were talking about it and that we were talking about it before November, but we had decided to do it before you moved in before you'd met my mom didn't yeah, you came home with me for Christmas mom until like just recently like I still wanted to have all the sort of like

25:39 Lita been getting to know you and Mike are family slowly warming up to each other as opposed to like. Hey surprised you still wanted to have all that and to have the the fun of like you still like, I mean, there's always more friends than you know what I mean, like and all that. So yeah, I mean for me was I think it's so funny cuz I want to lock with me at the wedding reveal that we were already married to your forehead. My mother was like happy for me but also still very confused and on the phone and she was trying I was trying to explain it to her and I've been thinking a lot about that decision and I was like at the end of the day, I feel like it's greedy it in a way that I don't feel bad about like for a big part of my life. I kind of know I never thought I would get married like both because legally I couldn't get married or because I just thought no one would ever want.

26:39 Marry me. And then when I realized that I could have that it was like I can have that in all the ways I can do this thing and like elope and will be fun and then later I can have a big awesome wedding, but I can just I was just like I just want to have all the ways of doing it now that I get to have it now that it's official.

27:05 Do you want to actually talk about I'm not asking you questions? I'm just like asking if we should do things or we can do whatever I am. I asking for permission Kate talk about talk about when we eloped. Tell that story. So

27:21 We eloped April 1st 2017 and that day I had Ted show which I have the first Saturday of every month the complete performance a performer.

27:37 What's been going on for a decade now? And I where I work with all who was originally the person that we were asked to marry us but then found out that he was not ordained. His father is and his ex-girlfriend asked how he ended up with the Jenna and Paul as our witness and efficient efficient it yet vaginas are efficient and polymer witness and so after so that day, I think I wore an Invader Zim hoodie with like him riding a unicorn Pegasus something magical.

28:20 And went to work went to work on the show and then immediately after the show Paul and I took the cab back to be dropped off at Ted's Garage and then got into a cab.

28:37 And headed to Washington Square Park, and I remember distinctly cuz like the way the driver took to get there. We're like heading straight into the Arches. It's like he knew exactly what I wanted like it was cinematic and beautiful and just the lights and then like is that moment. We're like I saw you and I saw Jenna I saw the Arches and I was like, oh and I just this feeling of euphoria and Elation as like I ran I think I'm physically I think we literally ran to the ice. I know it was like

29:24 And and you guys had drawn I would like blade flowers out and you're wearing at white Blazer and Jenna had some kind of doula head scarf on or like a hoodie with a very windy and these flowers and I was like, I didn't know we're just going to like run and get married into this Arch real fast. I don't have time for flowers to go lay them on the ground and unlike us Hearts who has sidewalk chalk.

30:01 And so there is a heart on the ground and and then

30:09 Yeah, do you want to talk about the valves or?

30:13 Well, I just remember it being so much fun. It was just so much fun. It was just like for people just like convening really closely. Did you just have a really crazy thing? Like it felt like we're like pulling off a heist. Yeah, and and then like at the last minute, okay, wait, you should come around to the side cuz I definitely felt this like we are having a wedding in a public in a city park without permission permission on some of her to get this done.

30:56 And and politicking like photos the whole time unlike my really shity phone has photos from yeah. Yeah, we're not

31:13 Thank you, but

31:16 I mean the main thing I remember is just

31:20 That feeling of excitement that whole time and

31:26 And

31:29 Constant disbelief, right like cuz you had went over there with Paul and you guys were like running towards the thing you were doing. All right. I had sort of like been home alone all day and then went to the park and waited on Jenna still like it felt very weird. Like I was like Mi is this happening to sort of landed in Kalida?

31:54 I'm

31:56 I'm really really glad that I married you before I married you. I'm glad I married her before we had a wedding.

32:06 Blue they were thought different. I mean we still read vows of the other person who threatened. Yeah. We got our favorite parts.

32:21 I don't know. Anything else you want to we have so little time left.

32:30 I'm jumping ahead 2 years to our actual wedding with all the family and friends and the reveal my favorite moment of that wedding. I think was with all of our friends are reading the poem.

32:46 And I don't know like

32:49 That poem is is pretty important in our relationship. I think.

32:55 But also it's it's Justin beautiful beautiful piece of work and to have have that realized and such a beautiful way amongst our group of friends and read so delightfully like that picture of me listening ads of us listening to the pumping rat is probably my favorite out of an entire thing. I'm going to resist the temptation to like tell how much longer story but I think like our first wedding are our elopement is not like us making promises to each other and then last week was about

33:35 I don't know everyone we love celebrating that we love each other and that was like a lot of hearing it played back to us as opposed to going out and declaring it to each other. We already know already knew I was going to be with you for the first time that it Priority did that now? Let's share it with us to share it with everyone. We love and let them play it back to us. What's that? I mean is my favorite quote from playing by heart is when Sean Connery is talking about what it's like to fall in love and it's it's this whole lot log about how it's not necessarily.

34:20 You feeling something different for somebody else. It's about seeing yourself through their eyes. And so like our first wedding was like us really just kind of like seeing each other through each other's eyes love with inner our second wedding our actual wedding on her elopement was like kind of all of our friends and family seeing us through each other's eyes in a lot of ways and I'm really kind of being a part of our love which was cool.

34:53 Yeah, yeah.

34:56 I'm headed drag queen. That's true. So we went dress. Thank you for sharing this with me. So my pleasure. Thank you for getting me out of work for a couple hours.

35:18 6 minutes

35:22 Yeah, go for it.

35:29 Saint Mary's Anne Hathaway wedding

35:37 I mean, I think we would joke about The Farmhouse, but I've look forward to retirement.

35:44 I do. I look forward to it like

35:48 Just being old and cranky with you. It sounds stupid but like and I look forward to time.

35:57 And and the ability and the luxury of having all the time to do all the things.

36:06 Yeah, like make furniture and whiskey and cheese go together. The joke is that I think more things more time to just spend together more.

36:24 You know more lazy Sundays together more, you know less like squeezing in dinner when like I'm back from work. I have to go to work in a few hours and

36:35 Yeah being old and not working anymore and just getting to like be with each other all the time and I just want to go all the places and do all the things with you know, all of them all of them. Okay, checklist and everything now, I don't.

36:52 You did though mentally.

36:59 Just want to build your furniture make whiskey.

37:03 I want the world. That's all it said. Yeah.

37:09 Prep. Cool. Yeah

37:12 I just want to make sure you're not so busy building furniture and making whiskey and cheese that I don't get to hang out with you know, you're so I guess I'm going to have to learn how to make cheese to I mean, this is what I'm saying.

37:26 Yeah, yeah.

37:32 Any last minute questions?

37:37 No pressure, no pressure.

37:41 Why didn't you change your last name? I didn't change my last name cuz we both have the first name Catherine and if I if we both became so either we were both the Kathryn Frazier everybody Catherine's right there and if you hyphenate Switzer in Fraser, it's very hard to say.

37:59 And and even then it just it's just too confusing strength strength. Like I don't know if I want to like give up a piece of my identity and did it like all that stuff, right? This is like I was just had practically not it's like an impractical Choice cuz we are both play write 2 as well. So like having written words out in the world. Yeah. I thought he said none of this is like neither of us is like successful an object like a change in our name. It's not like it's true. It's not like their role in my abs name or recognition or something like now, but you know,

38:45 Yet yet yet. Okay.

38:52 2 minutes, what do you got?

39:05 Permanently by Kenneth Koch one day the Nelons were clustered in the street and adjectives walks by with her dark Beauty. The nuns of the Mounds were struck moved changed the next day ever drove up and created the sentence. Each sentence says one thing for example, although it was a dark and rainy day when the active walked by I shall remember the pure and sweet expression on her face until the day I perish from this green effective Earth or we please close the window Andrew or for example, thank you the pot of flowers on the windowsill has change color recently to light yellow due to the heat from the boiler Factory. Which exists nearby

39:48 In the springtime and nouns and adjectives most least. I don't lie on the grass a lonely conjunction here and there we call and but the adjective did not emerge as the adjective is lost in the sentence. So I am lost in your eyes ears nose and throat you've Enchanted me with a single kiss which could never be undone until the destruction of language.

40:14 Thank you.