Shyronn Jones and Reggie Smith

00:02 My name is Sharon Jones on 35. Today is March 6th 2012. I'm in St. Joseph Mercy Care and my relationship to the interviewer. We're both advocates for the same cause I'm 57 years old today is the 6th of March. And as Ron said we are both advocates for the same cards, and I'm really happy to have met her just recently met you on here in Atlanta, Georgia. Not long ago and you have been in very intriguing individual you have really taken Atlanta by storm. How you doing today? How you doing?

00:45 It's going great of a little nervous, but happy to be here still be nervous because this is your story. So it's really nothing for you to have to remember. I know that your daughter is here with you and we're glad to have her how you doing.

01:02 I know that you have other children as well. How many children do you have three children two boys 16 and 11 and this two-year-old right here at Shiloh YouTube. She's cute. So, how big is the family that you come from my mom?

01:25 And my mom's mom and my mother's two sisters.

01:34 My mother was a domestic worker / child care provider and my father was the leader of a gang in Brooklyn called the tomahawks were okay. So you grew up in New York City and Brooklyn. The first place I resided was in Bushwick, which I don't remember I was

02:01 Very young but my memory starts living in Crown Heights at the age of eight and there have a lot of happy memories of sleeping on a fire skate and going to church with neighbors and a mother throwing me a birthday party as that's my favorite even to this day. It's my favorite time to be in Brooklyn for the West Indian Day Parade, especially Juve which is the night before and I just love how much is jumping in the street to the music and the steel drums in the powder and the oil and it says a free-spirited that you can almost taste it now catch it. So do you have any Caribbean in your in your background?

02:56 Not that I know of but I do feel it in me somewhere a lot of your family history and stories with you. She shares a lot of memories with me.

03:18 Because you were born in 1978 what was going on in the neighborhood where I grew up like an East, New York?

03:36 That's why I moved after.

03:40 Crown Heights there was a lot of drugs like cocaine lot of heroin on Union Avenue lot a lot of things going on where you where you and all your family affected by that at all yesterday much I lived in the area.

03:58 Of East New York on call bamas. I lived in New York City Housing Authority properties Baptist houses. It was too as identical six-story building. However in them like a 10-block radius the buildings in a collective.

04:24 Group B call they self the Bahamas happiest memories with my friends from school and we're still friends to this day.

04:45 Still with your father being the leader of a gang. Yeah, he was absent in my life most of the time he had many children. I met about a 50/50 children children, and I'm the only child from my mother.

05:14 Wow, is he still living currently in prison? He's been in prison for 28 years. He has two more years to serve. Have you met any or many of your sibling sibling when my mom used to take me to my father's mother house. She lived in Brownsville projects in Brooklyn, and there was one of my siblings who would be there A lot of times when I would visit him visit them, but me and him really spoke.

05:53 We really didn't speak much but we know we was siblings, but later on when I was at high school, my mother my father grandmother sent me a letter.

06:08 And when I called her and started talking to her one thing I notify her was that my mother had passed. My mom had passed in 1990 from kidney failure. She was 34 years old, so I let her know my grade.

06:33 So your mother was 22 when you were born 34 when she passed your father was not around and you have 50/50 siblings. How come they make you feel I mean to have so many brothers and sisters. I have your father not be around and

06:59 Well before I've known about all of them felt good.

07:07 No, because I grew up the single only child and you know that thought of having a bunch of siblings it felt good like, you know, I just have all these people and I can hang out and learn different things and so far but

07:26 Once I received a letter from my grandmother is and I started telling her like about what was going on and what I was doing in my life and the school I went to an things you told me. I had a sister that went to that school. So the next day I met her and then I went to her house. I'm at three other siblings that my father had with her than the brought her to my house and then she introduced me to

07:56 A lot of the siblings and they introduced me to a lot of the siblings and as we gotten to know each other.

08:05 Most of us don't really like each other that much so but it had to be a little when you started dating.

08:16 What how did that affect your ability ability to date the relationship that you have with your father not to mention not knowing all your brothers.

08:26 A first hours

08:29 Worried that it was a possibility. I might end up dating a sibling because I know I have so many out there.

08:37 And

08:43 Then when I thought about the type of man that my father was

08:49 He was a pain from I was a drug dealer. There's a movie based on his life the education of

09:02 Got Sonny Carson. My father was his role would have been the leader of the time Halls at the time. He was in jail. So he wasn't in the movie true, but that movie was no based on my father character also, and when I thought about dating and I thought about the type of person my mother was versus the type of person. My father was I really didn't see it matching cuz my mother was a very to me. She was like an innocent sweet girl.

09:49 And I just thought you know, she just went for the bad boys and I was wondering like should I go for a bad boy to go to my apps with my father but I end up.

10:08 Meaning

10:10 My son's father when I was 16, and we waited to become sexually active. I just wasn't interested in having sex at the age.

10:24 Which Angel is about 16 until I was 18 and a quarter and which one was he was a nice guy or bad boy. He was pretty nice very quiet. We didn't really talk that much, but he was a great provider.

10:50 He was in was he providing for you.

10:55 With clothing and food before. All right. So so you are pretty much having to take care of yourself at the age of 16.

11:13 I had a lot of people who stepped in and took temporary custody of me immediately after my mother passed it was decided that her younger sister would take custody of me which she did and we moved into the apartment me and my mom was living in in East New York and that worked out for a little while.

11:40 Until you met the guy until she met a guy and my aunt change due to drug use is there was a lot of

11:57 So she changed in that you leave or you left or?

12:04 Incident

12:07 And I had left.

12:10 Answer that usually means fight.

12:13 It was a semi sexual incident but not really that serious and evolving her or her boyfriend her boyfriend and you told her about it and I told my school counselor about it. And then I'm CPS called my home and it was like a really angry situation and she did not want to believe you.

12:51 Angry meaning he had got a little physical.

12:59 And

13:01 I was sitting on the couch When A call came and he left the couch up from the bottom and flip the back and when I got up I was just was out the door.

13:16 So that's had to shake your ability to trust even more but I wasn't too upset because at the time my aunt did have other children who at the time she really couldn't fully care for sofa me to expect she could fully care for me was it?

13:43 It wasn't expecting the unexpected.

13:49 So then you met a guy and started taking care of yourself.

13:57 The first one I met she introduced me to him and

14:02 She was very cautious about the introduction cuz she knew I was a virgin and she will always.

14:13 Interrupt any other conversations if a guy was to try to get to sexual with me should let them know like now this is my sister. She's a virgin don't go that far though. She was protective of you, but ultimately you did have sexual relations in was that when how long after you started having sex? Did you have a child?

14:38 I had gotten pregnant very shortly after becoming sexually active and after during that pregnancy. That's when I had my first HIV test and the results was negative.

14:55 And

14:57 What cause you to have an HIV test or pregnant women have to be tested?

15:07 Really in New York City that people had to get tested before they got married, but that's no longer loyal. So then you were pregnant and you had your first son.

15:23 And that relationship when

15:29 Went bad

15:31 After awhile it well then. What did you do left the relationship?

15:43 Thought experiment in

15:46 But others are the men yes, experimenting something that you did consciously or was it as a reaction to the way that you would feel it. It was it was both because during my time with him, he would accuse me of cheating which I did in so I felt like hey now I could experience a sexual relationship with someone else.

16:20 In

16:24 And at that time

16:27 I was using sex as a means of getting money and

16:38 I didn't really care too much about a relationship.

16:44 So you were providing for yourself and use your son and then using sex as me to do it. I'm sure that you were dealing with some emotions is what were you still in New York City?

16:56 And you were you protecting yourself using condoms 99% of the time. I was aware of STDs and I wanted to keep myself negative since I had that negative result.

17:18 Okay, any of your family members that you know of have they contracted or passed from the HIV virus?

17:29 Yes, I do have them.

17:32 A sibling

17:34 But I know I was living with HIV and I grew up with a few friends and my neighborhood that are known to have HIV.

17:49 How did how did that affect you?

17:52 It made me question others people genuine feelings for person because when I was see people talk down about someone.

18:10 After the diagnosis

18:14 And before the diagnosis they were friendly with them.

18:21 It to me, it just didn't seem fair.

18:24 A lot of stigma and misunderstanding you said you were using condom. So I guess it did affect your behavior. But somewhere along the line you had more children. So somewhere along the line you stop using condoms putting that up the second person I had sex with when I told him that he was the second person that has sex with like when he heard that like he immediately like took off the condom and I did have unprotected sex with him. At least one time that I remember.

19:01 Then after that I cautiously use condoms but then

19:08 At at

19:10 21

19:12 I got involved with someone who is living across the street from me at the time. I was living in Spanish Harlem.

19:20 And we will use condoms at the start of sex and then he would take the condom off and I would not refuse.

19:34 To have sex with him. I did not.

19:39 Tell him to put the condom back on I just went on with the act and I shortly shortly later. I became pregnant and I contracted gonorrhea and chlamydia and when I got treated for that the nurse suggested that I take a HIV test.

20:05 And I went in the clinic was closed. So it's on my mind to take another test.

20:13 And I finally went back and took the test.

20:17 And the results came out positive.

20:22 And right after the results like I didn't feel sad.

20:28 I was pretty

20:31 I just wanted to know what I needed to do because I wanted to live as long as I could so I could be there for my son.

20:42 So

20:46 So she she asked me like did you expect these results and I'm like no. I just want to know what to do. And then she told me that we were going to go upstairs and take some lives and did that and it wasn't until

21:10 When I was have my lab work done and make the nurse she didn't put any gloves on and I knew she knew what I was why I was having a lab work done and I was wondering like okay, why isn't she using gloves? But like immediately I felt like okay. It's not that bad. This woman is about to puncture into my skin. Like if she's not scared, you know, the average person shouldn't be scared, but it's like I started to cry at that moment.

21:45 And she was like she was like why you crying and I was like, I just don't want to get you sick. And I hate that when people say that now when they say sick, but I did use that word like and I was like 12 years ago.

22:06 But she said you're not going to get me sick. I know this my job. I know how to do my job. So I just started feeling better. But then when I walked out like I started to feel unattractive and attractive may I was

22:23 I pretty much.

22:28 When I got ready for the day, I had a nice outfit skin nice to moisturize. I was feeling good walking in but I didn't feel good walking out. I just felt like people Knew by looking at me as if I have some type of stamp on my forehead.

22:49 But

22:51 And that was 12 years ago after your second child.

22:56 That was before my second child and I like pretty much.

23:05 Stay to myself for a little while. But then I

23:12 I started.

23:15 Dating again

23:18 But with the mindset that I would not have a long-term relationship.

23:28 I just felt like settling for sex only in the money.

23:36 Is something that I could have continued on doing so that's what I did.

23:43 And during one of those relationships while using a condom the condom broke. I became pregnant.

23:57 And I thought about abortion but then I thought about my son being an only child which I kind of didn't want and I just thought you know, this is a blessing and I could just continue having kids. So I did had to be challenging had to be extremely challenging being a loving mother expecting another child not knowing whether or not your diagnosis was going to affect the child that you were getting ready to bring into the world. How did you negotiate with your emotions? And how are you able to get the information that made you feel like it was safe enough for you to do that?

24:37 At my doctor's office. They told me that I could have a natural delivery at that time.

24:48 They told me the transmission rates was really low.

24:55 So with that being my main concern.

25:00 And it wasn't a concern no longer once I was educated.

25:06 And II took concern I had was raising a child by myself, and we have an experience of

25:15 Raising my son without his father being there Deli.

25:21 I figured hey I could do this again with growing up without your father.

25:31 All tough situations, you know and in your story is such a poignant one because it speaks to what we're dealing with now in the world, you know, there's a lot of people that are hiv-positive have a lot of a lot of women and we still need to have children the fact that you were blessed to have children and and B+ gives a lot of people a great deal of Hope but it's hard to go. She ate that with the responsibility of protecting ourselves and protecting others to obviously you found a way to manage that because you have a third child.

26:10 The same way

26:13 My

26:14 Second child happen. I was in a relationship with someone that was based on sex.

26:23 And money

26:25 And a condom have broke.

26:29 I became pregnant with that decision again. Should I?

26:38 And

26:42 I did but but I did have that threat of having a daughter after years of being scared to death of having a daughter. I thought about all maybe I can have a daughter maybe could soften me up because I was getting pretty hard and harsh having the boys. I was feeling masculine and close the mother and the father and try to raise young men. So easy to see how you can tap into that and it's a hard world out there. You have to tap into that but you survived pretty well. How does how is it affecting your relationship with men now did you see things any differently in regards to who you are looking? Who is you're trying to attract it?

27:41 Yes, I'm being patient and more selective of who I get involved with. I don't know. I don't know longer look for like

27:54 Relationships based on Sex and Money

28:00 I'm just hoping for

28:07 A partner who can help me with

28:11 A lot of things in my life

28:14 Things like Mike handling

28:19 Hazel and Daley

28:25 Responsibility. So do you bring men around your your children?

28:32 Recently

28:34 I haven't been.

28:38 Do you think you could have a relationship with a man that's not positive. I know I've heard a lot of people who are positive feel like they need to date someone else. I'm positive. I was your feeling on that. I know of a lot of people who have negative positive relationships.

28:58 Which I'm open to.

29:03 When I do like searching like they didn't search today inside like I'm mostly on HIV dating site.

29:18 For me to go on my general dating site and then reveal my status. Sometimes it could just

29:30 Be a waste of time like it's got to be tough to negotiate so we don't have a lot more time. But there's some things that I'd really love for you to share with with us and share with me. I'm getting to know you so much better.

29:50 You know, so how are you dealing with?

29:57 Your emotions now. I mean, I know that you're an activist. I know that you do a lot of advocacy work and you have been for sometime. How did that start?

30:05 That started in Albany New York left Brooklyn and about 2003 right after my second son was born.

30:17 And

30:21 The people I met in Albany, mostly our activist activist be a lot they Lobby.

30:34 And

30:37 When you say la vie lady advocating and fight for the rights of people living with HIV housing.

30:49 And important things like that.

30:54 So I got involved.

30:57 And it began to be one of my passions in life. I've seen some of your certificates and awards you've done prolific work. Thank you. And now you're hearing Atlanta, Georgia and you have taken up the mantle here.

31:18 Thank you. What is some of the things that you would like for people to know or to?

31:24 What what what is your passion that's driving you now about about HIV has it broadened any or

31:33 Yes that

31:36 HIV is a

31:42 Yes, it is a

31:45 Chronic disease, however, it's not

31:51 That severe

31:54 Is not so fearful.

32:00 Is manageable

32:03 How are you managing it?

32:06 Well without medications

32:11 I've been on medications maybe 25% of my time diagnose, okay?

32:21 Like I do have

32:24 Some mental health issues active

32:32 Phil

32:34 Might have social anxiety.

32:40 And I do struggle with.

32:44 Some depression some low self-esteem some high self-esteem some days.

32:53 But you're working on it how

33:00 By continuing to handle household duties and continuing to stay up on my health care.

33:19 And would you say what would you say your spiritual connection is like?

33:26 I feel my spiritual connection is my religion like I kind of hate check in the box on religion.

33:40 As

33:42 Learn and watch documentaries about religion and I'm starting to think religious more like a crowd control, but I do feel

33:57 A spiritual connection with the creator of this beautiful girl

34:05 And I acknowledge that there is a creator.

34:12 And well that being the case then you like do you acknowledge that you have a very special role in this world?

34:22 That's a very nice.

34:32 Suggestion, I mean your your your your mother a single mother raising three children whose positive?

34:46 Yes. I love you.

34:49 Found other people who have told you or how much hope that gives them.

34:56 Or is that part of why you do the advocacy work that you do part of why do the advocacy group is to show people that?

35:11 HIV looks just like them.

35:18 And it looks like you and you look fabulous. I'm glad that you feel fabulously. Well, can I say that a wonderful opportunity to get to know you better? Is there anything in particular that you would like for history to know about where you are right now in your life and where you hope to be in 5-10 years.

35:48 Yes right now.

35:51 So I'm grateful.

35:54 For the things that I have

35:58 I am a struggling.

36:02 Single mom

36:05 And I do wish I didn't have to struggle for Food and Health Care.

36:14 Health insurance, which is something I don't have right now is health insurance.

36:20 Or food stamps

36:24 And I wish that.

36:28 I could.

36:31 Makes enough money.

36:34 That I could afford.

36:38 Basic necessities and I wouldn't stress about not having basic necessities.

36:51 I wish the same thing I on this makes absolutely no sense that your needs aren't being met.

36:58 And I appreciate the work that you're doing in the advocacy and we will join you in the fight so that you can get what you need.

37:07 Thank you.

37:09 Well Sharon, I got to tell you you blow me away. And I really do appreciate the opportunity to get to know you and I look forward to being a part of your journey.