Margaret [No Name Given] and Dominique V.

[00:03] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Hi. My name is Margaret. I am 34 years old. Today is May 19, 2023. I'm in New York City. I'm going to be interviewing with my good friend Dominique.

[00:19] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Hi, I'm Dominique. I'm 32 years old. Today's date is May 19, 2023. We're in New York City, and I am interviewing my good friend, Margaret. So we'll just jump right in then. Talk to me about a meaningful time of your life.

[00:45] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I don't know. Let's see. Meaningful time in my life. Something. When I had my daughter.

[00:53] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Mm hmm.

[00:54] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: You know, her name is Mackenzie. She's my favorite human being. She's ten years old. And that was meaningful to me because I had a really, like, tough pregnancy. Not like it wasn't hard. It was, like, probably one of the best pregnancies ever. But I was, like, alone a lot. So when I had her, everything was just like, oh, the baby. And she came out. Her eyes were wide open. So that was really nice. And that's, like, my favorite human.

[01:23] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: So cute. Did you ever see yourself becoming a mom? Was that surprising for you?

[01:30] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I absolutely did not see myself becoming a mom. So my pregnancy was kind of like a surprise. And I was a few months pregnant before I actually knew I was pregnant. I was playing college basketball and running all around, like, the court and working at Starbucks. It was just like, oh, you're gonna have a baby. Like, what do you mean, I'm gonna have a baby? So, no, I never, never thought that I would be a mom, especially the things that I experienced and was experiencing while I was pregnant. So, yeah.

[02:05] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Could you talk about those things or maybe how they impacted your decision to become a mom?

[02:12] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Well, I was homeless when I found I was pregnant. I was playing college basketball or, like, in a transitional temporary program. So not street homeless or anything, but I had spent a few years in a psychiatric hospital as a youth, maybe between, like, twelve and 17. I was in and out of psych wards because I had a suicide attempt. It was, like, around twelve or 13. And so I went into the hospital, and my story kind of begins from there, but no. So, yeah, I had, like, a really messed up childhood. It was kind of, like, twisted. And I had a little sister. She died. And so after she died, I wasn't okay because she was something that grounded me. So I got to take care of her. She was really sick. Her biological mom did a lot of drugs, and so she needed support in her life at that time. They used the term vegetable to describe her state of being. So she couldn't walk, talk, see, or hear in one of her ears. She couldn't do anything, so she needed to be taken care of. So when she died, it made me really, really sad because of the cruelty that I had faced at my biological, I mean, my adopted mother's hand. She was kind of like an escape. Like, I got to, like, take care of her. So when she died, it was just really a lot. So I tried to die, too, then went to the hospital, and I spent a long time there because I feel like my adopted mom enjoyed the freedom of me not being in the house. So being a minority, I was unable to defend myself. So in hindsight, now that I'm much older, I'm like, oh, well, I was just behaving like a regular teenager outside of, like, trying to end my life, right. The things that I would get sent back to the hospital for, like, when I was stabilized, quote unquote, would be things like having an outburst because I was upset about something, and my mom would call the ambulance and would get sent back to the hospital with no, no, nothing. So that happened on and off for years and had, like, long stays. So that was, like, my childhood, pretty much my adolescence. So not the childhood, but, like, adolescence. It was sad, but not while I was in it, because I really met some wonderful adults. And I think that everything that happened needed to happen so that I couldn't escape where I was at. Although being sent to the hospital was being used as a punishment, for me, it was the best thing that could have happened because I was no longer in the environment where I was being abused. And I wouldn't say it was physical abuse. Like, you know, I know there are people who get hit, like, just for existing. It wasn't that. It was emotional and mental abuse with physical punishments that were probably excessive. Like, the punishment did not, like, match the crime. It has hit me like, that I'm a kid, you know, but, yeah, never thought I'd have a kid. Never really imagined it. My childhood was based off survival, so I never had the, hey, I want to get married and have a kid and, like, the big house. I just want to eat and maybe go to the NBA because I thought I was going to the NBA. Yeah. Excuse me. I was like, I was gonna be the first girl in the NBA that didn't happen. It's okay.

[06:02] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: So.

[06:09] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Angelique was my sister's name.

[06:13] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: And how old was she? And you, like, how old were. How old was she when she passed away?

[06:19] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: And how old were you when she passed away? Angelique was eleven years old. When she passed away, and I was, I think, 14, I want to say. Yeah, sometimes it gets all mixed up. So she was definitely eleven because I wore the jersey number eleven after that for basketball stuff. So, like, that was my, like, honor, me honoring her life.

[06:43] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: So had you been hospitalized already at this point or that was just the beginning of it?

[06:47] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Not yet. I hadn't been hospitalized yet, but I had been receiving psychiatric care because I was responding to my traumatic environment, so I needed to go to the doctor. Probably also had ADHD, and so I just displayed concerning behaviors, which, again, the things that were going on in my house, I literally was responding to that, like, as a youth, so had to see the therapist. And because I'm adopted, certain things had to be done, I guess, for my mother to maintain, like, compliance. And so, yeah.

[07:32] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Was there any, like, standout story or lesson from your time being hospitalized that you carry with you still? I'm sure you carry the whole thing.

[07:43] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: With you, but there's so many things that happened while I was there. I was around caring adults, people who showed me, like, love, who, like, saw me for, I don't know, quote unquote, my potential. But I've always been, like, a different type of kid and how I felt, viewed the world, right. And so my relationships with adults looked different because I had people who could trust and who really showed up for me, and it didn't cost anything for them to do it. Like, it wasn't a transactional relationship. So I remember things would happen when I was younger, and the way that my mom would apologize would be, like, to buy me clothes or if I wanted to go out to the park, I had to clean the bathroom, right. Which I guess, like, having a chore is nothing big deal, right? But I always just remember things being transactional when I was younger. Like, do and you get, do and you get. And I just know that my relationship with my daughter, love, shouldn't be transactional. And one thing that my adopted mom used to say a lot is that, oh, I didn't. I didn't, um. I didn't have you, but I chose you. So it's like you chose to treat me horribly. My mom actually just died, so this is actually, like, what?

[09:21] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah.

[09:22] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Um, so. And then, like, I don't know. Everything that's going on right now is just kind of, like, messed up, as you already know.

[09:33] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Right.

[09:34] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: But still, like, yeah, I didn't. I didn't have you, but I chose you. So you chose to treat me like this. You chose to do this, like, on purpose. Right. You know, and it's just, like, things that people say to make it sounds good. That sounds beautiful, actually. You didn't grow in my heart. You grew from my heart. All these, like, nice things that people want to say when they do a good deed, but, like, she didn't do a good deed. I'm traumatized, you know, I've done the work, you know, like, absolutely 110% have done the work, but I'm not even sad that she died. You know, I feel like I should be. You know, I feel like I should be sad. I feel like I'm supposed to be sad. I'm trying to justify, like, my lack of feelings. Like, well, maybe I'm numb. Maybe I'm hyper focused on what's going on because I have my siblings, right? And I'm just trying to make me not feeling bad, feel normal. And I think the reality is I don't care. I don't hate her because I've done the work a long time ago. She was also really old. Right? So there's that. But outside of her being old, I think that I don't care. And people are like, oh, no. It's normal to, like, feel numb after her death, but it was just like, I don't know if this is that. So, again, we spoke about the adults in my life and, like, the relationships that I had with them. And in my high school, outside of the hospital, I went to alternative high school for kids with behavioral issues. And I was on a basketball team, and I had great relationship with my coach, and he died a few years ago. And that level of grief that I felt, it hurt so bad, and I was just like, oh, my God, I don't ever want to feel bad again. We maintain a relationship. After I left high school, he was a dad that I didn't have. We were close. I loved him. And that level of pain and grief, I'm not having the same reaction to the person who, quote, unquote, raised me. You know, it was not a transactional relationship. He loved me. When I had my brain surgery, he showed up for me and my daughter, brought us food. You know, that was, like, four years, five years ago. Now may makes. May makes five years. I think I missed my anniversary date. Actually, I did. It was May 11, but. So it's been five years, and did she die on my brain surgery anniversary? Gotta take something. I'm just kidding. So it was the 13th, though, but I was. I couldn't even talk. I couldn't even talk about him without, like, a tear coming down. Like, if I wasn't already crying, me even thinking about him and our relationship would bring on tears. And I grieved. And I was just like, no, I don't like this feeling. I never want to, like, feel. When my sister died, I was sad, but I was still young, so I don't think the grief was, like, the same way. And I just don't feel that for my adopted mom at all. I'm sad. Cause it's, like, sad, you know, somebody died and I don't know, like, I just feel like I have to fake it for my siblings because that was their mom. They didn't have a break from her. They've always lived with her. Yeah, they were also adopted. And I just feel like maybe I'm just taking up space that I shouldn't be taking up. Although I want to help them because her biological children are not treating her, treating them nicely. And they do deserve to say goodbye to their mom. They do deserve to be involved in these things. I don't know, but I never thought that I would see the other side of the hospital because it was just one thing after another, like hospitals. And then when I left the hospital, like 17 and a half, close to 18, and I had one incident post 18th birthday, right, and I got kicked out. She kicked me out. And so from 18 to 24, I was homeless again. Right? Like, really, like, between that, it was street homeless or temporary, like, youth programs. And the only reason why I ended up getting an apartment is because I got pregnant with my daughter. And I was still involved with all of these programming. And a spot opened up for a program for a person with a kid. So I was able to get into the housing, which was great for me and my daughter. And that's where I live now, you know? But I never saw myself with a kid. But I don't ever. I can't see myself without my kid. She's like, my favorite person. She's sweet. She's a sweet girl. Sweetness for the most part. Like this age ten, crazy, not recommended. Very ghetto.

[15:11] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: What does Mackenzie look like? Or like? Could you describe her? Mackenzie?

[15:17] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I do. Of course. I have a picture of her. She's like a. Yes. Big old bright light. When you see her, she's just, like, so happy. She is. And maybe I'm biased because it's my kid, but I feel like we need more, like mackenzies in the world. She's so sweet. She's so kind. She sees people for who they are and for what they need. We went to a performance the other day, at Paolo Kevin did not win. And she was sitting there and she's like, what's Kevin's favorite thing? Right? Because she's so empathetic and, like, loving, and she cares about the lions and lion farms. And I'm like, why do you know about lion farms? She's just so sweet. So. She's like a brown little girl with, like, little cheeky eyes and the biggest cheeks. She's just so cute. That's my baby.

[16:13] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: She's cute and curious and smart and welcoming.

[16:19] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: She's a cool kid. She's very cool. Like, I enjoy her so much. And everywhere we go, people are like, just love your kid. And it was so opposite of what I am because I'm very like, actually, that's how Dominique. That's how we became friends, because of my daughter. She was talking to Dominique and Dominique's friend at the time, right? And they were so. They just, like, loved Mackenzie so much, and that's how we became friends, because my kid. Friendly, she's friendly.

[16:56] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: She. I see so much of myself in her. Like, she is just so. And it's beautiful to see your relationship with her and have. How supportive you are and loving, and you create such a, like, breath for her to experience the world. It's really beautiful. So, like, so glad we met because of her. Yeah.

[17:18] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Cause you're a cool person and I love you.

[17:21] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Cool. I love you too. Cool. Recognize. Cool.

[17:25] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Period.

[17:30] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: So in that regard, like, what, how have you spoken to Mackenzie about that time? Have you at all?

[17:37] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: A little bit, but not a lot. You mean like the hospital?

[17:40] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah. Or just any. She knows things that you've experienced.

[17:45] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: She knows a little bit about some of the stuff I experienced. I believe in transparency, and I think that you should always be honest with children. But you have to figure out, like, obviously, the conversation looks different depending on the age, but I don't believe that there's any reason to lie to a child. Right. Even if you're saying, I can't tell you this right now, because I don't really know how to explain this to you, you know, or mind your business, but I do believe it's important to be honest, because I love being a mom. And the one thing that we do is we want people to be themselves, but we don't show up for people when they are themselves. Right. Or if there's something other than what we want them to be. And so when it comes to my daughter, I want her to be her authentic self. Because when we grow up, we are spending all so much time as adults trying to grow back to who we are, and we don't even know what that is because we've been told, well, stop screaming or stop doing that or stop being yourself. So we become something else. And a lot of people never find who they used to be or what's supposed to be their authentic self. So when I parent my daughter, she's, like, allowed to be herself and just teaching a time and a place right now, you cannot scream because we're inside of a store, right? So what does that look like for me when she's having these moments where she's so excited about everything? It's like, all right, when we go outside, you can yell, right? Or maybe nothing. Following up where other people would follow up with their kids. Like, she's not bothering anybody. It's bothering you, but it's not bothering her, and it's making her happy. So what's the problem? We have a world filled with yes men. And then we wonder why we have bystanders who don't do anything when somebody needs help. Because they looking for leaders, people who are nothing, afraid to do something. But we are not raising children or people that way. We're raising them to follow rules and instructions. And I just. I want my daughter to be happy, whatever the happiness looks like for her, as long as she's not hurting anybody, you know? So, as you know, I just love being a mom, and I love meeting her where she's at and showering her with love, because, like I said, my mom passed away, and I feel like I am sad, right? But she left this world, and I don't know if she loved me. You know, she wasn't being very kind in the hospital, you know? And it was just like, this is not what happens on the tv, right? The old people die, and they're like, I'm sorry.

[20:39] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: This never happened in family matters, right?

[20:43] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: And I loved you, and she did not do that. You know, she looked like she could care less if I was there. In fact, she shrugged her shoulders and said, I don't care if you're here. And so, like, thanks. Thank you. And I'm glad that I've done the work from, like, all of my adult life, because if I was a different version of myself, I would probably, like, not be okay right now. I would not be able to be there for Rebecca, whose last conversations with her mother were also, like, not very kind, you know, because of people and their own intentions. Our daughter hated us. She hated the adopted children. So when I started helping out with Rebecca, the narrative that she was feeding my mom is like, Rebecca is doing whatever she wants. She's with Margaret. She doesn't want to visit you. And it's just like, Rebecca has to go to school. She needs an adult to bring her to the hospital. I work a full time job. People can't always bring her. And so she was not really kind to Rebecca either. And I feel sad for Rebecca to know that some of the last things that my mom said with her were, like, were not nice.

[22:00] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah. She's lucky to have you, though.

[22:04] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Thank you. Trying to make sure she's okay, because it's too much. Rebecca is my sister. She's 14. Good kid, 14, though. She's a good kid, 14.

[22:22] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Caveat.

[22:24] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: My goal is to do the right thing. Right. So things are being said to my brother, like, hey, you took a side, you're taking sides, you switch sides, and there is no sides when you're doing the right thing by a child who needs someone. She's a kid, you know, you're not a kid. You haven't been a kid in a long time. So I don't know, I just feel one. This is therapeutic, a need to do story corpse instead of actual therapy.

[22:55] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah. Talking about is so real.

[22:58] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Uh, but I just want her to be okay. There's no reason for her to struggle. There's no reason for her to go through, like, not knowing where she's gonna live or. First of all, she needs to just be able to be a kid. She's been taking care of an older woman who was sick her whole life. She knows nothing else. So let her just be a kid. Let her just be a kid. Let my brother just be a young adult. Let him get his first job. let them Let them just be without having to worry about taking care of another person. Unfortunately, I'm in my mid thirties, so I have no fun to give, you know, like, I don't need this. It doesn't bother me that she's with me because I'm past that. I'm not a young adult. I already have a child, and I have resources and things that she can do to just exist as a kid, because you deserve to have a childhood, you know? So I just want to support that. And I just love, like I said, being a mom. Being a mom is fun.

[24:07] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: So who's supporting you through all of this?

[24:12] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: You? Yeah, I have a solid group of friends, you know, people who care, people who check in, know a lot of people. But I think also therapy is important. So I'm in therapy. I like my therapist, but I don't know if it's the right fit. You know, I talk, and she's like, yeah, she validates me. And it's just like, cool, thanks. And it's like, what do you say, though? Like, with what I'm talking about and everything that's going on, so I get it. There's not really anything to say. So maybe when I have another episode of something, I'll see how good she is. But I guess right now, to be fair, there's really nothing to say but to say. Yeah, I get it. I understand why you're angry. You have every right to be angry. I know.

[25:06] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah. I'm not delusional in that aspect.

[25:11] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: That's an inside joke, but that's a good question. I think that it's also important to remember to show up for myself. So I went to the show the other day, which brought me so much joy. It was really nice seeing the people perform and just being out with my daughter and seeing old friends. So that was really nice. And tonight I'm going to, like, a basketball game event.

[25:36] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Oh, nice.

[25:36] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Because the New York Liberty are going to be playing today, and they're going to win a championship this year. I know it.

[25:46] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Speak it into existence.

[25:47] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Absolutely. I'm excited. So doing things like that, like, where I really don't feel like going, but I'm gonna force myself to go.

[25:58] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Super important. Do you have, I guess, any advice for people who are going through what you're going through or have been, how they can navigate it? Maybe even things you keep in mind as you go along, affirmations or thoughts that keep you going?

[26:24] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: That's a good question.

[26:26] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: I'm getting at it. I gotta do it.

[26:28] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I think resiliency is a lie.

[26:30] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Mm hmm.

[26:31] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Right. Because people love to say that. Like, you're so resilient. No, you're human. Right. Like, however you respond to the things that are. Are going on with you is how you respond. So one thing that I. One of the first things that I think about when I want to answer your question is, like, I think it's important for people to become emotionally intelligent, and that's literally free. You don't need to go to college for that. It's a bunch of YouTube videos. There's a bunch of books about emotional intelligence. And when you have a certain level of emotional intelligence, you can deal with people and the things that they do that go against either your core values or just don't make you feel good, or you're just like, well, what's wrong with you? You know, like, so I think becoming an emotional, emotionally intelligent. But also, remember, like, this might sound cliche, but the only person you can control is yourself. Right? Like, you get to make the decisions about how your life is going to be, and that's it. Yes. Things happen that you can't control. But what are you gonna do now? It's okay to be sad about it. Don't be sad about it forever, right? Have a plan. Have a plan for the. For life and the things that happen, because life is lifeing right now.

[27:50] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah.

[27:50] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: And I don't know what I would do if I wasn't emotionally intelligent or if I didn't have a good set of friends. That's the thing. Also, somebody makes you feel bad and it doesn't feel good, believe it the first time, and cut them loose right away. Do what you need to do. So that's for that. As it relates to family. Even though I'm adopted, family is family. And I've heard of toxic families who are related to each other by blood. Boundaries are really important. And don't ever let anybody make you feel bad for putting yourself first, for saying, like, you know, you know what? I don't want to deal with this. I don't have to deal with this whether we're related by blood or not, because at the end of the day, you only have yourself, and then you're going to be the one who has to deal with that while everybody else is still figuring it out for themselves. So don't be afraid to cut a toxic person off and block them.

[28:57] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Avoid avoidable suffering.

[28:59] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Avoid avoidable suffering.

[29:01] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Trademark.

[29:02] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I should trademark that, right? But it's not mine. It's another good friend who said it to me, and I just, like, never let it go.

[29:09] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah.

[29:10] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: But I guess I could make it my thing. Cause she hasn't said it to me since she said it to me, and that was, like, five years ago.

[29:14] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: We're taking it. We're running with it.

[29:16] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: All right, I'll let her know.

[29:19] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: No, but that's interesting, because the emotional intelligence is the foundation for it all, because you're able to recognize your own needs, your own values, and project it outwards. And without that sense of self or self knowledge, you wouldn't be able to do any of that, even though it's super hard. So I like that a lot. And it goes into, well, I guess all of this goes into your business, then, that you are coming up on. I don't know if you want to talk about that mentally.

[29:52] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Mommy.

[29:52] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah.

[29:53] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Right. So I'm a mom, and I love being a mom. And so my goal is to help break the stigma on mental health and parenting and also to provide parent coaching to people who may be have a particular way of disciplining or showing up for their children that has been passed down to generations. That includes physical harm or shutting out a kid and saying, like, hey, you can't talk here. You have no thoughts or feelings. Right? So I enjoy that. But mentally, mommy started off as, like, a documentary idea, and the idea was to break the stigma on mental health and parenting by showing that you can be a person diagnosed with mental illness or challenges and be a productive mom, dad, grandparent, or whatever guardian. Because so often we hear the opposite side of that. This person did x, y, and z to their children, and they had bipolar, schizophrenia, severe depression. It's like you don't hear about the people who are actually doing well and parenting, and then also it's about normalizing what's just parenting, right? Because I know that when I first had my daughter times, I would feel myself feeling, like, overwhelmed. I'm like, well, am I having a manic episode? Or am I depressed because I don't want to do this? Or, oh, my God, especially now she's getting on my nerves and feeling like, is this my mental illness? Like, am I having an episode? Should I call somebody? And really, no, it wasn't. It was just me being a parent. And I think that sometimes those conversations need to happen so that they're normalized. So people who are living with a mental health diagnosis know that everything is not related to your mental illness. Being a parent is hard, and that's okay. Sometimes you're just not gonna feel like it. Sometimes you're gonna be overwhelmed. Sometimes it's gonna feel sad because you can't show up for yourself the way that you used to because you have to show up for your kid or your children. So that was one aspect of something that I realized that was like, hmm, this is just parenting. It has nothing to do with my mental illness and giving myself the grace and then setting up things that would be important for me to have when I am in a moment that is related to my mental illness and what that looks like and what support looks like and how to access, like, existing services and things of the such so that I can still be a successful parent with mental health diagnosis. So I'm really, really passionate about that because I think that once more people start to really address their mental health needs, it would continue. It would, like, roll over so then you won't. If you recognize that your kid has some concerning behaviors or they might need some assistance, there's no resistance there because you've already done it for yourself. So then you can show up for your kid and then normalize those conversations so then they can maybe show up for themselves. And then if they decide to have children or friendships, these conversations are being had. And there's no stigma around being a person with a mental health diagnosis. So I love that as I love being a mom. I do. I do, for the most part. Said ten year old, 1010 ghetto. Like, not recommended. One star.

[33:35] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: One star on Yelp. No, I know just from my point of view, I was having no children. That I love the work that you do because so many people say, you know, they don't write a book on this, but it's like, there's actually information available and there are communities available, and it's. I know that if I ever reach that stage of my life, I will be looking at you for resources and tips and tricks. Like, there's a way you can really make this not beneficial for yourself, but a really beautiful experience and make the most out of your own growth, the growth of your child. It doesn't have to just be, you know, trudging through everything in day after day and schooling, etcetera. Like, it can be really life changing and, like, mental health changing. Like, your whole being changes around it. And, like, I see you do it every day. Um, it's really beautiful and encouraging and inspiring.

[34:42] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Thank you.

[34:43] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Um, yeah. Any. Any last words? Any last tips?

[34:50] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: I guess I've spoken about parenting a lot.

[34:52] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Yeah.

[34:52] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: And so how I want to end this is something that I like to say about my kid and parenting. So recognize that your child is their own person before they are your child. And if you remember that, you will remember to show up for your child as their own person and not your child. Because a lot of the conflicts, in my opinion, when it becomes, like, parental relationships, whatever that looks like, whether it's your grandparent, dad, mom, cousin, somebody taking care of you, is ego. When you take your ego out of your parenting, it makes it so much better. So remember, your kid is their own person before they're your kid. Even if you birthed them, even if you adopted them, they are their own person, and they have to live in.

[35:58] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: This world, and they're gonna remain their own person forever. They remain your child.

[36:03] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Remove your ego from your parenting, and it would make your life so much easier. And that's, like, my favorite thing. It's like, take your ego out of everything. Actually, if you take your ego out of stuff, it's like, hmm. Then it goes back to the emotional intelligence conversation, but specifically for parenting because a lot of the conflict is, well, you're my child. I brought you into this world. And, like, they're allowed to have feelings. How dare you say no to me? You're allowed to have an opinion. You're allowed to say no. You know, sometimes I struggle. I'm not a perfect parent. You know, you hear me on the phone. I just told you to pick that up. Why am I getting upset? Because she didn't do it fast enough. Right? That's ego. She didn't do it when I said it. That's ego. But, yeah, that's how I. Thank you for interviewing me and coming last minute. I appreciate you.

[37:01] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Thank you for having me. And thank you for being you.

[37:06] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Thank you.

[37:06] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Really, truly.

[37:07] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: Thank you.

[37:08] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Really, truly. You're a very special person.

[37:11] MARGARET [NO NAME GIVEN]: You are too. And not in the a way these insight jokes.

[37:18] DOMINIQUE [NO NAME GIVEN]: Lol.