Matt Muhsam and Kerry Bertsch

00:00 Name is Matthew meeuwsen. I'm 51 years old and it is June 6th.

00:11 What is the date June the?

00:15 Help me here. And I'm in Missoula Montana. The name of my conversation partner is Kerry bertsch and we have been friends since we were a year. I was a year old.

00:35 My Name is Kerry bertsch on my 53 years old and today is June 6th 2020 and I'm here with the very first person I've ever known in life outside my family Matthew Newsome

00:56 And off we go.

00:57 Yeah, so let's I mean first I just want to say how

01:06 Important it is to me and us that were able to document this amazing life that we've been able to share and a dent. Thank you carry for everything along the way.

01:23 So this was all your idea Matthew and sometimes you need some pushing along to reflect on all the things that are that make you the person you are and I'll start with since I have the earliest memory of our connection is when

01:44 I ran to the window of our house with a Santa's to Patient of a transition a life-changing transition of new people coming into the neighboring house. That was a challenge to overcome because his older women that would always give us candy.

02:04 But at a very young age you learned that life is all about change and as your mom walked up the driveway with her beehive hair and her yellow little short skirt holding. This looks like a white sack of flour. But mysteriously it was something that I was curious about and it was you.

02:34 I just had such a feeling of excitement of what was to come and that is my earliest childhood memory and it happens to be you. It amazes me that I do not remember meeting my mom or my dad or my sister or your mom or your dad or your sister or you but I remember meeting just about everyone else in my life and

03:06 It's like a

03:08 It's like a seed germinating, you know, these things just appeared and didn't know there was no hard start. It was just a combination of being

03:21 I think your entrance into our neighborhood you and your sister Heidi completed our our our social network of what we were to experience in the next 10 years of a childlike community that had all its members in place ranging from you being the youngest to Marcia. That was the the leader of the pack and let us on this creative adventure of organizing neighborhood plays and having rehearsal and gave us the discipline so we can talk about the the different.

04:08 People that created that network but most of all

04:14 I want to just reflect on the relationship I had with you because it became

04:22 Something that I realize that it really doesn't take blood to have the connections of of siblings and relationships. They just nurture magically and starting.

04:44 I'd like to ask you what allowed you to.

04:50 Follow my Direction so much. I felt since I was the younger sister. I felt like I was never in charge of anything. But with you I felt like I was

05:05 I took pride in being the boss and I bossed you around relentlessly and you were always back for more.

05:13 Is that how you can beat me in an arm wrestle from the beginning and it was many many years before the tables turned their though. They did as the youngest of there were how many of us were there there were I think 11.

05:36 That were immediately connected and

05:42 I always most of the olders at that time it was it was easy to for the pic on the the youngest, but you never picked on me. You just we just played together. We just we

06:00 Well, I set the rules when we played football. It was tackle football for you, but two hand touch with me.

06:08 One thing that was always mystifying how you were able to get away with things in our neighborhood or things like you were just so darn cute you'd get away with going into people's houses in the neighborhood and stealing their goldfish putting them in your pocket and bring him home or your dad would rush into the bathtub to keep these fish alive until you were able to return them and you never got in trouble and and leading me down the path of

06:47 Our beautiful neighborhood cherry blossom tree that was just the centerpiece for all of us to play Under and we decided I think together but you convinced me it was okay to strip all the bark from that beautiful tree by wrapping around and around we spend hours doing that until your Dad finally discovered that we were killing the the most beautiful symbol of our neighborhood stuck me carry about this group of of kids that we were all immediately connected.

07:32 Two were was that with this age range? So I think it was eight or nine years from me to the oldest that we functioned as our own little Society almost like the Our Gang the television show back in the day, you know, we had our individual friendships and we had our group experience and we would

07:59 You you and I would connect in certain ways your sister Lisa and Carla with connecting certain ways and my sister Heidi and and Lisa and Carla and Barry and and Jenny and Marsha and Ethan Craig Gilbert.

08:15 But we it was it it felt like

08:21 We had our world and our world was this Old Orchard that had become built with houses, and we had so many different play areas to to experience life together. Again. We played Wiffle ball number at the Johnson's house.

08:45 They were definitely roles in the neighborhood and some had more responsibilities than others, but

08:56 Wait, there was a lot of structure and

09:01 I feel that I prefer reflected on that a lot to our life and had that structure gives you strength as you move forward because it's it's bleeding and as we started to see our

09:18 Thanks break down within this Blissful structure.

09:23 When one of the oldest Jenny started to

09:29 Mentally mentally go into a deep depression that none of us could understand and then finally culminating to jumping off the bridge and being the first one of our childhood society as you call it to leave us. It just showed us how have things break down from such strong beginnings and and slowly we start transitioning through change.

10:03 You know it.

10:05 It as terrible as some of these things and we'll talk about more have been they also serve to keep us together.

10:15 Hazard Community, you know, they strengthened our bonds because we had experience all this Joy together and now we had to experience pain together, but we've been we've done that so many times now, it feels like

10:35 Olivia

10:37 Making ice cream with your mom never had a few times it would snow in Seattle. That was her claim to fame was how good her ice cream was and we used all of her cookie sheet going down that driveway.

10:56 I wonder how many baseballs are in that trouble at the Erikson's because we spent all our time together for three seasons of the year.

11:13 And then in during the summer, you would always leave and go ahead and come out to Montana to spend the summer with your grandparents and I want to I know my perspective on it, which was

11:28 It was just the

11:31 It was just a heart-wrenching day to say goodbye. And then you only looked forward to the end of the summer, which was very strange.

11:40 What was it like for you to leave our our community and go to?

11:47 Go to the give me Ranch.

11:52 I think I was in a state of

11:57 Taking you for granted that you would always be there when I returned and I would just put my life on hold and just know that I would have that wonderful thing to look forward to coming home to and you would just be sitting there waiting for me to come home. I just had so much maybe arrogance about our friendship.

12:20 That time was extremely special with my sister and me my grandparents give us a lot of free rein. So I felt like I had a lot of Adventure and I didn't really even imagine.

12:33 Bringing you along on it because you were part of this other.

12:38 Dismiss other network and I never dreamed of mixing the two but as I got older I thought why

12:48 I missed out on so much Venture we could have had their but when I got home it made going back to school that much more sweet that I could return to you and and get back to our world that we had created.

13:06 I truly felt like I had the most in common as far as that the kind of Adventures I could fall into emotionally with you and what weekend are like interests, you know, just doing what we did around the neighborhood there.

13:24 Do you know?

13:27 There's so many there's too many poignant times to think about for a 40-minute conversation.

13:39 But there were

13:42 There was so much learning to do at your house and sitting at the dining room table across from you and Lisa with your mom at one end of the table.

13:54 Playing one side of a debate and your dad at the other end of the table being her opponent and US learning and

14:09 What's the middle of the tennis match? There was just so much.

14:15 There was just so much to be. You know, I learned to Gloria Steinem was a that I didn't know who Gloria Steinem was and I was asked to go home because I didn't know who she was. I think my family were that the structured and disciplined portion of the group. Where is that are persons were the kind of the wild loud boisterous type of table your house with just throw out there Sunday afternoon Opera seduction and the

14:55 Oh, that's the

15:00 Your dad brought the feeling of

15:06 Feeling like pleasure is okay.

15:10 Loud music and and you know weights and incredible Hungarian influence biome. He's cooking. So I think are each of our families represented such a diverse.

15:28 I have no expression to our neighborhood, but my parents were definitely.

15:36 The disciplined ones and you played such a role and how they are and what they wanted to convey to you and the discipline my dad disciplines you like he was like he was your son you would get into as much trouble as we would.

15:57 Not putting the tools away when we build our tree house and and not having the proper grammar with my mom knowing what the trees were in the neighborhood and knowing how to behave.

16:11 Urbana important things I think we had.

16:15 We had a communal sense of

16:21 Why apparent endure Stewart stewardship from Oliver? We were more than just.

16:28 Kids that lived in houses that were connected we were families that

16:35 We're all together raising this group of of young people from Easter celebrations to dinner bells and all of the things that called us home when we needed.

16:51 But the amount of Freedom we had was unbelievable. Basically that dinner bell was the only thing that we had to adhere to or just because Erickson's had to we did but we had a tremendous amount of Freedom our parents were all off, you know, trying to trying to pay the bills and we were left to each other devices and and I I feel like that that might be a little bit different these days. Our parents are much more micromanagers than what we had.

17:28 Very cute Aunt Rachel.

17:33 So

17:35 I think it would be great to talk a little bit about.

17:40 As we got into our middle years we

17:46 We were connected yet separate then something that Always Rings true or rings for me is the day that you and your dad and I in 1985 on our first trip to the ranch to build this amazing.

18:03 Place that has been

18:06 So important to so many people for such a long time now, we took a trip to

18:13 Bozeman

18:15 Do you need to go to college and I just I've always wondered what it felt like to leave Seattle and head off on what now has become both of our our our homes in this great state.

18:31 I think it was just a bigger step for when I would leave to Montana for the Summers and then it became a life lifelong change and another break down of of that neighborhood community that we just

18:50 Became so fond of and so part of our Lives such a big part of our lives that was a time when you and I really did go our separate ways and it was a time that I felt like you were just my a backbone of my of my past and I didn't know that the strength of our friendship would become so intertwined and it seemed like maybe

19:23 More tragedies in our life started making those things reconnect.

19:31 So so what was the

19:38 There's in a Montana.

19:40 There's such a sort of visceral connection that you make to this place and

19:48 Was going to Bozeman.

19:52 The

19:54 What was it you finding that home with the connection that you would had to it from your childhood?

20:03 Absolutely. I was feeling like I needed to get to have a change of a Seattle like I felt like I was maybe more prone to be a country person because of my summers in Montana. It just felt like an adventuresome place to be and

20:27 Matthew I was always hoping that I would set a trend and maybe have some some people follow. I I knew my family was going to be close, but I I actually it's a trade-off, you know, right? I never really did want to completely lose my connections with with Seattle and I felt like you're you still being in Seattle with always allow us to

20:57 To reconnect there, but as we know things have changed I never would have thought that

21:07 We would both end up so intertwined and and close-knit, but I want to talk about what it was like to.

21:18 Our next tragedy

21:21 And that's not to not to say your parents divorce wasn't in the loss of mr. Erickson. Why isn't that when something hits home with our neighborhood community? And another one of us young ones go like when we lost lease in

21:43 99

21:47 It's just at the time when you really start grabbing it at your roots and feeling the need to be with the people that you started your life with cuz when you're out there floundering in the wind and you don't you are with the people that knew from the beginning and created that that grounding inside you your loss.

22:21 So immediately you came.

22:25 Came to our Aid in creating a service that seemed unimaginable to put together. I remember you putting.

22:34 Just standing next to you rolling the food for the hors d'oeuvres together and and you taking charge and

22:43 And just being in your presence all of our presents.

22:48 It it shows you the strength of those childhood memories.

22:54 Could you remember that way remember that way with these?

22:59 With his tragedies that we've experienced along the way.

23:04 It is always reminded me how

23:09 And we are not a brother and sister, but I've never known life without you and

23:18 I've always felt as close to you as I've ever felt to anyone in the world.

23:28 And so

23:30 To be close to you when these hard things happen has been

23:40 I think it's soothing for everyone.

23:45 You know, it's it's just we

23:48 The proximity, you know when Lisa died. I just the only thing I wanted to do was to be with you.

23:58 And so I said we did and we spent.

24:03 A couple of years together 5 Days Every 6 weeks together. I think that's how it went, right.

24:15 When we were at that ranchon, we are just working away and and we'd have our generous out by the fire and you know, there's a long Trek of bringing the food down and let her know you had you hadn't been around for months and months and when you just joined in on the procession of bringing the food down without any knowledge of you having arrived.

24:40 And I didn't even notice that you were that you were due to the scene. I just thought that Matthew put the food the night before and at 7 in the morning. My dad walked into my bedroom and gave me $100 bill and said you should go to the rent.

25:05 Until I got in the car for my 8-hour drive to the ranch and I got there just in time for dinner.

25:13 Without music without missing a beat nobody noticed that you were new to the scene and then proceeded to we spent two days in the Bob Marshall Wilderness after that on one of the most memorable camping trips walking trips.

25:31 I had a wonderful conversation with your dad on that trip about face and he taught me about what it means to be an agnostic and all these aspects of

25:47 Self reflection and doing what you say you're going to do and being the person that you want to be in.

25:57 Totally out of nowhere. I had no idea that trip was going to happen, but it ended up being a lesson in.

26:05 A lesson in life

26:09 My dad thought so much of you Matthew.

26:14 One of his last words

26:17 What refer to wanted to know if he thought that it's Matthew is going to be okay?

26:25 It's just um when you're at that State.

26:30 And those kind of thoughts run through your mind, you're very much aware of the people that are closest to you and and

26:38 Who who he cared for while he was a?

26:43 He's the most amazing man I've ever known.

26:46 Bareback bronc Rider

26:48 Cross country skier 10th mountain, right?

26:54 It was so fitting that you you took his skis that you skied on his skis.

27:04 When you went when he left his keys one day on the trail and a Patty Creek or Patty Canyon and

27:16 I just stopped for some reason probably cuz I thought I was going to die cuz it's so hard to skate ski, but I look to my left and there was a Pygmy Owl on a branch not 8 feet away from me.

27:33 And it made me remember when he when your dad passed away and we're walking at the ranch and there was the owl that there was a great northern right or something. I'll

27:44 I think we saw that smaller owl but you never never see in the daytime that will stick out in my mind always owls will always represent. Dad to us. We'll just an amazing man. Who?

28:01 Change just changed my life in so many positive ways in and so many people's lives in so many positive ways.

28:08 Yeah, I wish you would have been around to see what we're all doing here now.

28:19 Missoula

28:24 Your move your move to when you came came to Montana to help support us all through that horrific time and give us Comfort. I never would have thought that that would be a catalyst for you to move once again to a

28:47 A close proximity where you're just dumb Again part of our part of our Network and I feel like we've been able to keep fairly close touch with all the kids that were part of our own network growing up, but you and I have seem to be the the lasting connection that

29:11 Has really needed each other throughout this crazy journey and you being so close and you being a phone call away or it's a drive away as it's just something I never would have imagined in our lives and it's

29:28 Just a sweet irony of that that day. I ran to the window to watch your family move in next door. It's pretty fun to open the front door and see at my house and see you standing there.

29:46 And dressing up our kids for Halloween.

29:50 This is beautiful cycle of life. You start to see more clearly has always felt like we have jointly share.

30:02 Really?

30:07 Every one of us from the the crew and you and I share the spice for life.

30:15 And lived lived as fast as we could, you know within reason and

30:28 I'd like to just have on record our thoughts on each one of us in in this network. We hold so dear or you could start with Marcia the woman that organized gave us the creative latitude to have to perform to our neighborhood in place made us strive to learn our lines and be on time and it just give us structure the director.

31:03 She was the director and she had high hopes and used us to to convey her creative.

31:11 Talent and we were proud to be a physician genius concert pianist that last concert we watched your play at the University of Washington was

31:29 It's melted me to the soul listening to that.

31:36 Then there's the nurse Carla.

31:40 Carla the dreamer sad anything you'd like with Carla.

31:52 Just always ready to nurture any of us at any time.

32:00 Extreme Talent wonderful with kids

32:06 Lisa I would say she was

32:12 The one that walk the tightrope of Adventure

32:16 The most couldn't couldn't get enough in in a day.

32:24 She just couldn't fit it all in. She just was always chasing to have one more experience in her day.

32:34 And there's beautiful Heidi your sister that always held things together when they would fall apart tearing for somebody at such a young age taking responsibility on way before her time.

32:54 A second mom to me even if the day I got married. She's doing my hair always the go-to person in a crisis.

33:07 Don't forget about Barry.

33:11 Every what every girl's dream Berry

33:23 The new how to raise raise the crowd

33:30 The

33:34 Yeah.

33:36 Can we touch base really quick about the fire pit a little bit more?

33:41 At the ranch because the ranch has been such a

33:47 Just an unbelievably important part of our Lives yours in mine acular. And the first thing we did when we got to the ranch was we built a fire pit.

33:59 And we had a little cooking area in that fire pit.

34:04 And we

34:08 And we could do a numerable.

34:11 Meals at that fire pit and and then we we memorialized Lisa.

34:20 At that fire pit

34:22 And within earshot of that fire pit you married Brian.

34:28 And within earshot of that fire pit we memorialize Dean.

34:34 And

34:39 And just the whole lot of hopes and dreams we shared around that fire pit before things started fire pit to me as always.

34:51 In how mankind has evolved so greatly that we shared meals and we cooked.

35:02 Food and we

35:06 We stared at the fire and we dreamt in and debated then and bits but that place is just such Hallowed Ground for me when I can get out to the ranch now.

35:21 And the we don't it's sort of fading the Earth is is taking it back from us, right? It's

35:32 No girl can take the fire away, but you can still look at that. That's just such a powerful. It's a monument.

35:41 In a way

35:42 It's something you'll always have.

35:48 It's like Helen Keller telling.

35:51 Telling Hitler you can burn my books, but you can't burn my ideas at the path around the fire.

36:00 That is what happens when the fire that is. What happens when the fire. How do we conceptualize?

36:06 What weaves?

36:09 But we've experienced scary.

36:16 I think it's

36:19 It's understanding it and being.

36:24 Old enough to reflect on what it is and what it does for you and how to instill it in our kids how to how to

36:34 Allow for situations to Let's friendships nurture.

36:42 And grow and get stronger. Sometimes I worry about the disconnect. There are with kids these days where they're not in each other's presence and the technological age doesn't give you that that human contact that gives you such strong connections and that's what we talked about. What are 2020 graduates?

37:11 That they've long forehand that they've lost. This is through this pandemic and how much it needs to be nurtured and to keep that even if it's a thread keep the connections of the people you've grown up with to stay strong because I I guarantee there will be a time in your life that you will

37:37 Need to be in the presence of people that you started life with I think it is.

37:44 Presented itself to be so much more important for us to cherish the times that we do get to be in each other's presence. I hadn't seen you and two and a half months when when I saw you last weekend and there's just some things that it is so powerful about how good how you realize the things that are important.

38:13 And how unimportant almost everything is, you know, there's a learn them before they still have a little life left.

38:30 You have a lot more to experience and I can't tell you how I just could never tell you how important you are to me as a person and

38:50 How

38:53 I still feel the

38:57 Your leadership

38:59 That I operate in a way that I want to make sure that I'm I'm being the person that you would be proud of me being into you do go for go for go for it and and succeed and that way and you've really helped me to be just create who I am and and thank you.

39:27 Well, I've grown to the point where I am willing to allow you to leave me at times because

39:37 I'm certainly in need of that as well. We couldn't possibly have drawn up plans to make a better friendship than we've had. And I love you so much.

39:48 Thank you. My love. You too, Matthew.