Kevin Trapani and Jennifer Trapani

00:06 My name is Jennifer Trapani. I'm 38 years old today is April 20th 2006 and we are at the American Tobacco complex in Durham, North Carolina and I am here with Kevin Trapani my husband.

00:21 That means I'm Kevin Trapani. I'm 50 years old a milestone. Today is April 20th 2006 or at the American Tobacco complex across from the Durham Bulls Athletic Park in Durham, North Carolina, and I am talking to my wife. I love her very much Jennifer Trapani.

00:40 Do I get to ask the first question when you can start wonderful?

00:45 You grew up in Brooklyn.

00:48 Tell me a little bit about your favorite memories of growing up in Brooklyn.

00:55 Brooklyn sounds like it's a really tough place but actually in the years that I was there, which would have been 67 to 76. They were very sweet. I was able to go out onto the street by myself ride my bike around with my friends and I'm not really sure how it happened. But somehow I made friends with every single one of the shopkeepers on 5th Avenue in

01:24 In Bay Ridge, which is part of Brooklyn. So some of my favorite people were the vegetable man who used to let me take the raw green beans and Frank over at Bacardi brothers who would give me pieces of pepperoni. That was when I ate meat before I move to California, but those are my favorite memories visiting all the little shop Keepers and they all have their little names for me. I was Smiley eyes to the vegetable man. Whose name. I can't remember Frank Bacardi only spoke Italian East, genoveva.

02:04 Used to go to those shops with your family members you had a big Irish family and a big Italian family. Tell me about that.

02:14 Marry me because it was interesting because the Italians and the Irish were not supposed to really be mingling. But for some reason my mom was the rebel and found a way around that your mom was the great uniter so to speak but eventually they ended up coming together, but we didn't spend much time all together. So I was either with the Irish family or the Italian family, but it was wonderful because In Those Days Inn Brooklyn, it was great to be a part of an ethnic group. And so you belong to something and you didn't need to be embarrassed that you were Irish or you were Italian and it was very safe. It was kind of wild cuz we had big family so we had lots of cousins and we were free to just have fun and run around the house and be in the pool. If you know, my nanny Monte he was obviously the Italian side was well-off enough to have me.

03:14 Above the ground pool and her little fenced-in backyard and in Bay Ridge, so that was a big deal but being a part of the family and sitting at those big dinners and having people bring out lots of food and staying there until all hours of the night and falling asleep on my cousin's beds and being carried home with it was a safe time. It was fun time.

03:39 Talk about being safe. And I know you talked all the time about your mom and those days.

03:46 Tell me about your mom as a young woman as you remember her.

03:51 Why I remember my mom is young woman because she was very young when she had me and she was only 19 when she had me so, you know from my earliest memories of three and four she was 22 or 23, which is pretty young and she was not very much different than she is today.

04:12 Okay, cool, or don't go further. She has always been just very fun-loving and very animated and Goofy and cookie and crazy and

04:26 Has a hard time with responsibility and organization, which is part of what just makes her unique and makes me love her but we would be late to things constantly be running to things. We you know, we're a bit disorganized but that was that was a happy time and then it she was always very happy and loved me unconditionally. I knew that your drinks to that and I know this from our wedding night, you guys used to sing You and Me Against the World. That was your big theme song.

05:12 That's funny because I didn't I didn't really understand it at the time and then I guess I told her that I did but I I didn't but now I do and and now that I have children of my own.

05:26 Peanut has even more of a meaning because

05:31 My mom had me when she was 19 and a 21 she and my father got divorced. So he was off in Queens which doesn't sound like it's very far away. But you know those days that was forever why cuz not everyone has cars. So he and I didn't get to see him and my mom felt very alone. Her family had said see I told you he was Italian should have never trusted him and nobody got divorced on my mom's family. So she was sort of alone. And that song was Helen Reddy singing that song and it was her and her daughter singing about You and Me Against the World. Sometimes it feels Like You and Me Against the World and now that looking back on it. I'm sure that's how my mom felt she tells me all the time. I was her strength and I was the reason that she got up and

06:31 Going it now 23, that's pretty overwhelming. She felt judged but she had you why does that song Take on more meeting now?

06:44 To get married in Italian now. I know you're not leaving.

06:54 Well, I guess because

06:58 Being able to put the emotions behind the feeling of a mother and a daughter and how much love there is. I just feel that way. I'm solutely about Mallory so I can just type understand how she felt now just has more texture. Absolutely. Can I ask you questions about your parents now.

07:22 I'll let you come back to my parents. Will your parents had such a profound effect on your life. You tell me about them constantly. I feel like I like I know them but they were gone by the time you were 40.

07:37 Which I know is hard. What do you think? They would say to you today about your life?

07:44 They're tell me to spend less money.

07:49 We got my dad's telling you that that's exactly right. She has a good Lord Works in strange ways. You delivered your dad to me after my dad was gone.

07:58 My mom and dad

08:02 Where

08:04 About integrity

08:07 And responsibility and love

08:11 And I know if I told you a lot of times, I don't remember a day that passed that they didn't say to me.

08:19 Of those to whom much is given much also is expected.

08:24 And they showed me and reminded me constantly how blessed I was to have what I had.

08:35 What I didn't know.

08:39 Was that the greatest blessing?

08:42 With them

08:44 At the school's I got to go to and a car's. I got to drive the vacations I want on it was them.

08:51 But I also didn't know is that.

08:55 The things we see as material blessings are temporary. My parents been gone 10 years.

09:03 And it feels like it was yesterday feels like there with me now.

09:12 They had such a profound impact on my life because they meant to

09:16 You know our kids every now and again when I get to lecturing roll their eyes and I suspect for good reason cuz I probably not nearly as wise as my parents were I probably rolled my eyes at them.

09:27 But they were determined that they were going to grow up a principled man.

09:31 And all that. I was going to get back in some special way.

09:35 And I'm

09:38 Maybe a half.

09:40 Maybe I have

09:46 Well, I know that they had you late in life. Your mom was 43 years ago. That was really old.

10:00 Jeffrey Lee you can speak since you're not around.

10:05 I don't know really. What's though 1956 to be a 43 year old woman having a child was tremendously and usual in a 45 year old man having a son but we had our children late in life to I was 34 and you are 45 go from symmetry that many people are doing different things at that point in their life.

10:29 34 and 45 but we are having children. Do you have any regrets?

10:37 You know actually don't I don't regret that specifically because

10:44 You know, I wish I have a 20 year old daughter Caitlin for my first marriage who's as much your daughter is anyting looks a lot more like you than me and some way and

10:55 Caitlin is so is my hero in a lot of ways because she's grown up beautifully sort of despite me. I wasn't ready for Caitlin, you know now that turned around cuz she's really not ready for me. But now we have four year old twins and Ian Mallory and

11:14 I'm better prepared in many ways to be what they need me to be for the next 40 years. Then I was 10 years ago and they're there to really important differences. The small one is that those 10 years of life experience of help me? I think it humbled me.

11:33 I think it helped me to understand my place in the world a little bit better my obligations to others but the most important difference is you.

11:41 And I told you this.

11:43 And just about everywhere I can accept in a recording which I guess I get to do now and that is that you saved my life, you know.

11:53 I was lost and now I'm found.

11:56 I don't run things. I admire most about your mom and Caitlin's mom is that they did most of the raising of children by themselves, and I don't know how to do that me neither.

12:10 And I'm I see how you and I Buck each other often. I see how much they love you and how they love you. It's different than the way they love me.

12:18 And I feel unbelievably blessed to have a partner and raising these kids.

12:23 And so if every now and again, I get tired or more tired than I would if I was 10 years younger I remind myself it's probably because of not eating the right Foods or exercising enough.

12:35 So I don't have any regrets. This is an awful lot better time my life to be doing what we're doing and all I'd be doing otherwise is playing golf and I just not very good at that. Anyway, that's true. That's right.

12:47 Now the whole world knows.

12:51 My turn

12:54 You are you moved to California when you're 8 or 9 and

13:00 I suspect there's a bigger Geographic moved in Brooklyn to California, but I'm not sure there's a bigger cultural move than that is tell me about your first memories of moving to California, dude.

13:15 I was determined I wasn't going to like anything because nothing could be as good as my apartment building in Brooklyn where I could ride up and down the elevator and

13:24 New all the neighbors and vegetable man to sit on his stoop to sit on.

13:31 But I do remember driving across the Golden Gate Bridge the first time when I landed in San Francisco and my family was driving through Marin County to Sonoma County in and we drove over the sent the Golden Gate Bridge and I couldn't contain my excitement. Did you squeal probably probably that's it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I mean I had been across the Verrazano Narrows Bridge several times. So Marin County was just a little more tractors and Staten Island to you at that age hard to know what's going to please him. But but it was it was beautiful and the thing that things I noticed first was that the children in California had much different accents and they had no tolerance for Brooklyn accent. So they were laughing constantly and they could not print pronounce montemarano.

14:26 They all had normal names.

14:30 So I was called Monte or mono mono often. Those were the names that stuck and I lost the accent very quickly, which was very disheartening to my mother who today 30 years after being in California still has the same New York hard to know how that's going to happen to remember the first friend that I had and Linda Leon and I wasn't sure if she was Chinese Japanese what she was Korean and so I asked her because in Brooklyn asked us questions, you know, are you Puerto Rican or Mexican or where you from a Cuban and I asked her and she just kept saying to me. I'm American and American. Why do you keep asking me that? I'm American?

15:17 And I kept saying to my mom. I don't know why she won't tell me what she is.

15:22 I finally realized that there are other parts of the country that were very different than Brooklyn New York. You didn't have to go into a certain box. When you move to California was when your dad came into your life, and I know how much you love your dad now, but I also know he was a little tough on you. How did you adapt to that?

15:47 Natural way of adapting and things like that I think is to just go inside myself. So I spent a lot of time not talking to him and and just doing my own thing and I see that in Andy in our in our son and it doesn't like something he just doesn't like to talk about it. He's only four and we know that and so I spent a lot of time in my room and focused inward then I did getting to know him or understanding him more.

16:21 However, those years would have went by you know, now he's as I've come to know him. He's a big softie.

16:28 Used to tell me that he would say about work. You don't bump Burkhart and what I see is a guy that's just loves everybody doesn't judge anybody and loves you maybe more than anybody in the face of the earth and the bond between the two of you is unbelievable. How did that happen. You go from being a thirteen-year-old ticked off that you had to do housework and chores and stuff.

16:52 You know, that's my stepdad. I didn't really know him very well. He came into my life kind of quickly moved us to California. So I really don't like him right off the bat. There's a lot not to like about him and he was younger. He was only 38 or 39 at that point. And so the next 10 years of his life, but there was a big difference between 38 and 48 into 39 and 49. He really mellowed himself and I became a young lady growing into my own world and was able to get the confidence to say I don't like when you speak to me that way and he really listened because he was coming down himself and I once we began to have conversations and I realized he wasn't eat person. And when I graduated from college was really when we started connecting completely. I loved him a lot before that obviously been called him dad and took his last name, but

17:47 The relationship didn't really grow until I graduated from college and he got me a job with his insurance company and he would he was in the big home office in San Francisco. And then he would come to the Sacramento office where I was and it will be a big deal that he was in the office and he would take me to lunch and we just had great conversations and we would spend hours just sitting and talking and he take me out to dinner and we laughed and I was the only one of his kids cuz he had two daughters and of that we all came together and I was the only one who really

18:22 Got to understand his humor and who he was and really was interested in who he was. So we just found a connection through came along at the right time to visit your office in Sacramento. Did you tell people about his funny pork pie hats?

18:39 How is your little secret you are in for some but your dad your dad's mom and dad Peg and Wesley work hard leather step-grandparents. You just love them. How did that happen? So hard not to I'm so glad you got to know them before they passed away because they were just such special people and they just loved all the time. They would get on the fly with Tina 9 when I came into their lives may lived in Southern California near Disneyland, so that didn't hurt that every time I went and visited the mecca, but whatever works and you know, Grandma what wasn't the love about her cat eye glasses in her convertible Toyota car than their little poodles that are gold Lamay shoes with the theme from New York. I'd never seen anyone like that.

19:41 Don't you talk to me for a minute about Caitlin like you came into your Dad's life Caitlin. My daughter Caitlin came into your life. She was about 3 in tall with enormous eyes.

19:52 And what is that tell me I'm sure you remember to tell me the first time you met Kaitlin. Absolutely. Remember we were at she was so into cheerleading at that. She was 10 and she was so into cheerleading and she came running over to us and roll cheerleading outfit with her hair pulled slick back. I've been stretching her forehead backwards. When is huge blue eyes, and she said

20:16 And her sweet little Caitlin voice and I read same pictures over but just the freshness and happiness on her face. It was she was the cutest thing I'd like that because I didn't recognize your there were 300 little ten-year-old cheerleaders for their hair pulled back and big blue eyes over 5 times. We're close.

20:41 You know where we are now is that you don't love her any differently then you would if you were her birth mom. I'm curious because

20:52 You love her so much. But what is it that you love the most about her? What what?

20:58 Because she's for the purposes of factual mean a recording here. She's 20 years old in that Junior in college and from time to time like a half hour ago cost for money in the all the kinds of things that 20 year olds to so very special person. She has the heart of a true spiritual person. She gives everybody loves everybody.

21:27 Is just genuinely sweet and honest that's what I love the most about her is her heart.

21:37 It's hard to find words for how blessed I felt that you were bringing a child into our relationship who was so special.

21:49 Remember when she asked you to be her confirmation sponsor?

21:54 Yeah, she said that and I was one of the few people that she felt that she could talk about religion with and God and not feel silly you had a very special relationship.

22:07 High School graduation and everybody's parading up their winning the science award in the math award and all those Awards and everything.

22:16 All of a sudden they were building member there are building up to the final final big most important award. What was that at work that Christian Spirit award and it was so funny because we stopped there and we have the video camera and I just knew I just knew in my heart that that was her and when they said her name, it was just remember, how proud We Were

22:41 However, my heart breaking it was amazing. So we have three children now to four year old twins and Caitlin. What are your favorite things about each one of our children?

22:58 We've already talked about Caitlin and her spirit. Nobody in the world more dedicated to her friends and Caitlin. She will be whatever they need her to be whenever they needed and she knows herself from she gives of herself, but she enjoys absolutely every moment.

23:19 And I think you know who she is.

23:24 She is destined to be a great mom and to make a real difference in the world's going to be teacher and don't know that I know of a person who has better personal qualities to be a teacher.

23:38 Mallory's our next oldest by minute older than Andy

23:42 And Mallory is you and so many ways and me and some other she looks like you.

23:50 She's beautiful. She loves shoes. I don't know how that happened. That's genetic with their first word exactly, right?

23:59 She has an unbelievable Spirit. She's a combination of you me and your mom which is either terrific if you happen to love the three of us and there are maybe 11 or 12 people in the universe who fall in that category or sometimes she's challenging and you know, the thing that I love the most about her. Is that no matter what mood she's in or where she is her motives are absolutely pure.

24:27 She just is a completely she is without guile.

24:32 And I think that is that's her Integrity that she's pure and when something's wrong and there's a lot of my mom and her two when something's wrong. Then she's going to tell that person that thing is wrong and there is going to be no not a moment between recognition and action where you come in because she's so articulate it for she can actually get that out here. You say something and she says, no actually you're not correct about that. Perhaps I can straighten you out. Thank God for her in our life because we won't go wrong.

25:05 Andy

25:08 Andes mint at younger

25:11 And India, and he looks like me and loves cars go figure. So probably there's some DNA replication going on here. Andy is Anthony Leopold Trapani. The thirties named after my dad.

25:33 And I don't know if that's I don't know if that's a blessing or burden.

25:39 It's a blessing because they are cut from the same cloth.

25:43 Quiet but determined observant.

25:48 Strong

25:51 Industrious handsome

25:55 Andy if you divided and his entire day up into a hundred percent of being a 40% sleeping 39% hugging 1% playing with cars

26:08 And that was my dad.

26:12 You know not self-conscious in any way. I used to tell you my dad would walk around the grocery store whistling and singing songs and I used to say you could his pants could fall down in Times Square and it wouldn't bother me at all reach down and pull them up when whistle and walk away and that's handy, you know, you'll be going to the bathroom with his pants down around his ankles in the thought will occur to him a walk in the living room with you a cocktail party going on and go talk to John Edwards about it not to love about Andy.

26:42 Saw that being said, what do you hope our lives look like 10 years from now. I hope I'm here which should be a good thing. I hope when our lives look like 10 years from now is that you and I run a business together that's been we've been incredibly blessed. It's been very successful. I think it makes an enormous difference in the world redwoods group has been at our fourth baby in a lot of ways we can give away a lot of money with change the way the world Works who saved thousands and thousands probably of hundreds of lives. Anyway thousands and thousands of injuries given the kind of work we do. I'm so proud of what we do in the next 10 years. I hope that will still have the Redwoods group in our life, but I hope we'll be able to spend a good amount more time serving. Well beyond the Redwoods group in some capacity.

27:31 My greatest blessing of the Redwoods group is that I get to spend all day every day with you and I hope whatever we do we can do together just like that. And then I also hope like my dad and I'll be able to work at a time when it's most important. My dad attended every lacrosse game every football game every swim meet I ever swim in in high school because he said he had great regrets that he missed all the swim meets in the earlier years and something reassuring about talking my dad up about every after every game and seeing him in the stands and we came together in a really strong way. I hope you and I are there for Indian those days and informality obviously, but then the last pieces that we're so damn busy now and and sometimes what there's not enough time for you and me.

28:20 I don't know.

28:22 If it's possible to love a person.

28:25 More than I do to you.

28:28 But it's possible to spend more time. Loving a person more than I do you so 10 years from now, that's

28:35 Am I Great Hopes is that we can

28:38 Reconnecting that way

28:42 That would be great 10 years. That's a good point maybe in 10 days.

28:47 We work together all day every day. We're just always together and everyone tells me I'm a pain in the ass.

28:55 Why haven't I worn you out?

28:59 How many 1/2?

29:06 I would say that.

29:09 You know, it's funny that you ask me a question now because you asked me this question.

29:16 10 years ago you said when we first started coming together, you said I wear people out and I don't even want to get started in this relationship because it will kill me if I ever wear you out. That's so funny that you ask a question now because it just brought that all back to me if I had forgotten you'd said that to me and I promise you that you wouldn't and you have it. I really think that everyday with you is an adventure.

29:43 You are so fast-paced and always have something going on whether you know, it's through our business or personal life or your charity work or out at the beach or at our house here in Chapel Hill that it's just exciting. I think life being with you is exciting and and you are challenging but you challenge people to be better to better themselves. And and I knew there were lots of ways that I could improve so that's that's what we spend our time doing and

30:20 I guess maybe because just at the heart of how much I love you.

30:24 I just find you humorous and interesting and exciting. I don't think it fits aware that it wears on me at all.

30:36 I found my soulmate.

30:41 You asked me about our life 10 years from now and so I'll turn around tell me about our life 20 years from now.

30:49 20 years from now I will be 58 and you will be 70.

30:58 Stop it.

31:02 Well, I hope that we still have the Redwoods group in our lives but that you know in a very removed way or maybe our children will be running the organization or are you know heavily involved and I hope that we have grandchildren.

31:16 What I hope for our family is more family. I hope that we have lots of family. I think you know that we are family believes that the country this country is very small. So wherever our children are three children choose to be. I hope that we can travel to wherever they are and spend time with them and travel the world ourselves cuz there are so many places that we want to be and we want to see

31:42 An experience and I hope that we are just our life is a little bit slower and were able to just be together.

31:53 You're talking about me at 70 or you would 60.

32:00 You asked me about my parents before and I remember my parents so well at 60 and 70 and how much they loved each other.

32:08 You you know my parents through me.

32:13 Tell me about my parents. They are wonderful people.

32:17 Full of integrity and life and class

32:24 People who wanted to educate themselves spent time learning about life and places but never seem to forget where they came from in life. They never seem to have gotten too big for their britches anything that they earned they taught you to give back so that they had nice homes, but nothing too lavish they drove good cars, but nothing to show e

32:51 I love your parents.

32:56 Can I finish my part by?

33:00 Telling you a little bit about you.

33:04 I am I just am so happy we got to spend this time together recording it for a kids cuz I know they'll be happy to hear it someday. I wish I had something like this at my parents, but I wanted to take the time so that it's

33:21 And their consciousness

33:24 And that you hear it cuz I think you do hear it in bits and pieces but maybe not all the same time. I could not be prouder of you of who you are as a man as a husband as a father you exhaust yourself everyday doing the work of the Lord.

33:41 Entire business that you mentioned the Redwoods group has a focus of keeping kids safe at the YMCA's you help Dennis to be safer with their patients and you work tirelessly to help our 100 or so employees to give their self in a while. We require 40 hours of work time be given in charity work to help others you serve on committees at our church numerous committees, you work with political leaders to address things like poverty educational opportunities and helping those who need our help.

34:16 You are an example to our children. And Caitlin is already taking your lady mentioned it before she continues to make us so proud with her volunteering at YMCAs herself. She's devoting her college career to learn Early Education skills, which is hard to get kids to focus on these days. She spends her summer is leading kids at resident camps.

34:40 You've made me better you've made me more aware person and I can only pray that we have many many more years together.

34:52 I love you very much.

34:55 And I really appreciate that you wrote that.

34:59 It is such a blessing to be in your life in such an honor. It's humbling because you have said before you're an angel on this Earth You Love completely and absolutely whether it's your friends or your family most of all your family.

35:16 He don't judge.

35:19 You talk about making somebody better. You have made me who I am your the entirety of my strength. You brought me back to Christ and help me understand that the the Christian principles learn exclusive that all the world's great faith community share lots and lots of the same values and so with your Muslim or Jew or Buddhist to make a difference. I love how you ask our booties next door neighbor friends with this means and what that means in like,

35:49 Forgot for charity and it's just it's amazing to me how your Natural Curiosity helps me to understand the bigger picture of the world and helps me understand how we fit.

35:59 You're right. I'm hopeful that our kids be listening this in a really long time and I and I hope that what they take from this is that they had parents that love them. Absolutely but also understood a really a compelling obligation to serve others. It's you know, it's 2006 and there an awful lot of us were outraged at what's going on in this world and my hope is that by the time somebody listens to this will have gotten through the wreckage caused by the last two six years of this Administration. And I know that this is not supposed to be a political recording but you know what this world we can't be isolationist and we're not going to defeat terrorism by beating up people in a small corner of the country were going to defeat terrorism by giving hope to people who are in Desperate Straits by making sure that the woman whose whose raped in the Sudan and the Darfur region is suit,

36:59 And it's accepted back into her Village and that our children aren't thrown on a bonfire. We're going to we're going to create a world that's safe and nurturing and by making sure that everybody has the opportunity not just the opportunity of the excessively compensated CEOs in the Fortune 500 of happened to be born white male in America. That's just not how this world works in the sooner. We come to that realization the sooner we understand that what we have is not because we aren't it but because God gave it to us and that he expects us to share it the better. We're going to be as a society and and I hope our family understands that at the core of their belief that if nothing else passes on from you and me that that's what they understand.

37:43 I'm so glad we got to that.

37:47 It's important that our kids heard your passions. There's the passion that I was talking about. I'm still sitting in my chair will you know, I love us as a couple and people don't but people don't know us it's interesting because I think I have all the passion and all that kind of stuff. I've said the bigger mouth.

38:06 You believe this stuff absolutely and help me to understand that you call me on this stuff all the time. You know, I like all of us fall to judgmentalism in and laziness every now and again and you know, you're the boot in my behind to make me go on and not fall too simplistic judgments of people and you bring people in my life. That wouldn't necessarily. Otherwise be there.

38:30 And our life is much richer I said I was the one he would bring home the Stray Dog for sure. What what do you think I am?

38:39 I love you Jennifer Trapani. I love you Kevin Arthur Trapani.