Lauren Boudreau-Steeves and Debbie Steeves

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00:07 My name is Debbie Steve's. I'm 43 years old. Today is October 15th 2006 and I'm in Boston and I will be interviewing my partner Lauren Boudreaux Steve's and she is my spouse.

00:25 Hi, my name is Lauren Boudreaux. Steve Zahn.

00:29 47 years old today date is October 15th 2006 on in Boston, Massachusetts and my spouse Debbie Steve's is going to interview me tonight.

00:41 Lauren we will have been together for 14 years this March how you came out to your family after we had started dating. What was it like coming out to your family, but it was on the occasion of my youngest brother Greg sweating. I was talking with my younger sister who is my only family member who I was out to Cindy and I asked her what she thought it would be. Okay for me to bring you as my date to the wedding. She said that I would have to finally come out to my parents then I couldn't just bring you to the wedding. So I agreed that that was fair and said that I would tell my parents today. So I went to my parents house that day. We waited for them both to ride home. When is it our bedroom closed the door and told him I had something to tell them and I just came right out with it. I told him that I wanted them both to know that I was gay and then I was seeing someone and then I would like to bring her as my guest to my brother Greg's wedding.

01:33 Go to my surprise. My mom said that they were just waiting for me to tell them and that my dad said or my dad asked me if I had a picture of you and when he could meet you. So your parents were very accepting right away.

01:46 Yeah, I was lucky. Although I wished I let my family know sooner based on their sort of non reaction to the news. But I was like a lot of people afraid of their reaction. I have a really large family in a large extended family and I'm very close to them. And I guess I was afraid that they would reject me or have issues with it. So why it took me so long but the experience itself. Back a scene from a movie. I remembered that I'd seen years earlier called on Torch song Trilogy with Harvey fierstein and Matthew Broderick and Anne Bancroft. I'm one of the main sub plot of the movie was the relationship between heavy Harvey fierstein and Matthew Broderick. There were a couple who are committed to each other and they were planning to adopt a child and it was during a time. They were living in New York City. It was years ago when you know being gay wasn't the best thing to be and they were all these at random attacks that were happening on a regular basis.

02:46 For gays in the community and the character that Matthew Broderick. His name is Alan was beaten to death and I gay bashing and the scene that followed out was between Harvey fierstein and his mother and Bancroft. They had went to the Family Cemetery to visit the grave site of where Allen was recently buried and the plot was also where Harvey's father and husband was buried the word came back to the apartment after visiting the grave and the scene went like this and Bancroft had just her son Harvey fierstein. It just admitted the significance of his relationship with Alan to his mother and Anne Bancroft. It said, you know, you turned your back on me. How could you not let me know about Alan and Harvey fierstein said will suddenly would have understood and then Anne Bancroft said you never trusted me enough to tell me and Harvey replied so you would have said what he's better off dead and then

03:46 Minecraft said well, I could have comforted you you cheated me out of your life and then you blamed me for not being there and that moment in that movie and then you know them little time after I had called my parents. I realized it was very much like that seeing and I waited for so long to come out to my parents and my family and my friends and I was really making the decision for them and not allowing them the opportunity to accept me just out of fear of possible rejection, but when it when I finally did come out to them at this just I was fortunate I guess that they were as accepting as they were.

04:23 Lauren how did you feel the night I proposed to you.

04:29 Well was on March 11th 1996 we have been dating for about three years and you took me to the hungry I restaurant on Charles Street in Boston was very romantic fireplace very subdued lighting and just after dinner just before we had dessert you handed me a box across the table and I opened it and inside was a handmade sculpture of a heart with two hands holding a ring, and then you asked me if I would marry you.

04:57 Of course I said yes cuz I loved you from the moment. I met you and was hopeful that someday you would feel the same about me. So I was just surprised and thrilled with the proposal.

05:09 We were the one to have three different commitment ceremonies. Tell me about the first two on May 29th, 1996 and May 29th 2002 while we bought matching rings. We took a trip down a pro and we bought them one weekend and we spent a few weeks riding around five hours. And then we decided we would have a private commitment ceremony on monhegan Island Maine used to go there every summer for vacation and it would be just the two of us and we were on the Headland Cliffs at Sunrise where we read our vows exchanged our rooms and then toasted with champagne.

05:47 At that time. Then they weren't many options for us to sort of celebrate our being together and certainly no legal marriage options were available. And then in 2002 after the state of Vermont legalize civil unions, we decided to take a trip to Vermont on our 6th anniversary date of our first commitment ceremony to engage in a legal civil union. Although it was only legal if we decided to reside in Fairmont permanently, which wasn't an option for us. We still made the trip up there that day. I remember I was a beautiful day we will be locked out. So that was nice and we found at the JP that we had engaged to do the ceremony for us found a nice white cloud or church wasn't really a church anymore was a really nice idea Alex seen so we set up our video camera cuz no one else could make it was the middle of the week as well as portencross to keep that same date that May 29th date just like that when we did our personal commitment ceremony in Maine and so we set up our video camera.

06:47 And the JP helped us and we read our vows again. And then we were married and we continue to play the video tape and try to add music to it as we were driving home in the car If Ever I was really fun and just when we told my family and friends that we were going to have that son ceremony up in the Civil Service up in Vermont my mom insisted on having a wedding reception for us when we got home. So they hosted this reception for us at my mother's house complete with your family my family and a bunch of our friends and it was just really nice. It was all like scary traditional house was decorated in silver and white with white roses.

07:29 And there was everyone had, you know, most of my family most of your family my grandmother who's the matriarch of her family 91 years old team and the youngest member of our family at that time our great nephew Sean who are really close to and even my niece Kristen who recently and graduated from Johnson & Wales catering school. She made our wedding cake. I was just lovely my sister insisted. I remember she called me one day and she was asking the family wanted to know what presents we wanted. I remember us saying anyway, just wanted people to come in to celebrate with us and she was like, well if you need to get presents you wants your presence you don't want so she had us have to go register it and we registered like Crate & Barrel in someplace else was just really funny because I think at the time I don't really remember but it wasn't really a slot for anything other than bride and groom which was interesting. So I think we both picked bride so but it was a wonderful day and it also included a video.

08:29 Soda presentation that my bestfriend put together to music that was made up of all the photos for my relationships moments over the year and she set the whole thing to our favorite music and that was a really really thoughtful gift and I thought it really made the day. We all gathered out on the sun porch and everybody watch. That was really the very touching for me.

08:49 What was significant about May 17th 2004 the Supreme Court in Massachusetts had decided that it was unconstitutional for same-sex couples not to be able to marry in Massachusetts 01 May 17th was the first day that we could register and apply for a marriage license in Massachusetts. And why was it important for you to register in the town of Arlington? Well, my immediate family and a large number of my extended family had resided in the town of Arlington for five generations. My family is well known in the community for my grandfather was a member of the Arlington police force and retired as a lieutenant and my grandparents open to family owned real estate and insurance business in 1959 the year I was born

09:32 That was called Sweeney real estate and insurance and my mother Diane Sweeney Boudreaux and my aunts Maureen Sweeney copper Thorne work there for many years and later owned the business up until recently 2004 when they retired and sold the business to one of my cousins. So it's still a family business today and myself and my brothers were really well-known athletes in the town and were written up often in the local papers and my dad up until this recent passing was a long with a long time and well-known member of the Arlington Commission on disability. So it was important to me as a symbol to my community that a member of one of its well-known families would be the first to register to marry. So folks in the time would possibly recognize my name and hopefully add to the awareness in the acceptance of this basic right the right for two people same sex or not same-sex to get married.

10:26 Can you describe what it was like when we registered to marry on May 17th? 2004. Well, I convinced you to get up really early so we could possibly be the first ones at the Arlington Town Hall. So we arrived at 6:00 hoping to be first in line and we were there right at 6 a.m. Sharp in front of the Town Hall just you and me so I guess I also was convinced by all the anti-gay rhetoric and thousands of same-sex couples would flock to Massachusetts to register at every town and City Hall across the Commonwealth on that day. Well, I'm sure that's somewhat true. I think to date thousands of same-sex couples have been married in Massachusetts. But at the end of that first day, I think the Town of Arlington registered dozens of couples only and we were definitely the first one while we waited for others to arrive that day my mom and drop by in the morning when she was out on a daily walk to see if we want to coffee while we waited and offer us good wishes when the town hall doors opened. We were online with about a dozen

11:25 Couples in a handful of supporters and thankfully no detractors my older sister Michelle who work for the town stop by to witness our registration and introduce us to one of the Town selectman who was a friend of hers while we were registering there were cameras rolling and report it from the local newspaper the Arlington advocate. He was taking names and interviewing couples. And by the time we completed the process and went to leave the building we were greeted by dozens of supporters who handed us each a rose and cheered and applauded us and it was very surprising an uplifting experience to have all that support from folks that we have never met before and we really didn't expect it. So it was great.

12:07 Describe the highlights of our wedding day. I'll finally we wanted to keep the same day in the same month. So we married just a few weeks later on Saturday, May 29th 2004. We had a justice of the peace in our home and Koster originally we had planned on exchanging vows only with a JP present, but our families kept asking us if we're going to do anything what we're going to do and I know originally I wasn't sure I wanted to have another ceremony cuz my parents it's been such a lot of effort on our reception after our after we have a civil union in Vermont, but it was really important for them. And I think it was an event for everyone. I mean it was one of the first, you know recognized legal gay marriages anywhere so we on

12:57 I planned the whole thing and just a few weeks and it ended up being a very simple wedding with just family and friends and my father participated in the service by being the ring prayer and we also included a Celtic tradition of tying a knot where you buy different strands of rope and they actually tie the knot literally on this was a tradition in Celtic times when people didn't have rings to exchange. So once the knot was tied it stayed together and that was the thing that symbolize staying together forever. We had followed the service with like a simple cake and champagne toast which toasted each other and it was a for an event for all.

13:34 What are you most thankful for almost thankful for three things one that I found the love of my life that my family has accepted me for who I am and supports my choices and love loves and accepts you as my spouse and that we live in the only state in the Union the Commonwealth of Massachusetts that allows us the same rights as heterosexual couples the right to marry.

13:58 And as ironic as it may seem a while we're here today recording the history of our marriage close by the governor of Massachusetts. Mitt Romney is at a rally to support the efforts to overturn the rights of same-sex couples to marry.

14:12 So for all of that, I'm grateful for today at saddens me to think that possibly just a few of us will have this right and only for a brief time in history. I hope with all my heart that this is not the case that you and I will be a part of History dummy and the future and not just the past.

14:34 Can I

14:36 Question. I know that there are a lot of gay activist who might argue that marriage is a heterosexual institution. They wouldn't want to take part in such that bad kind of ceremony and if they want to separate themselves, so can you talk each maybe tell me why getting married was so important to you?

15:03 So I can start this is Lauren. I think that you know, we met we fell in love we committed to each other but there was never sort of a public way to do that are accepted way to do that. And you know, we're fortunate that our family and friends love us and support us and think we deserve to have some of the same rights as everyone else cuz all we want to do is be together be there to support each other and just be part of the community and for us it's a recognition of how important marriage is and how a commitment to someone else is a really important thing and that there's not enough commitment in this world and not enough people that are willing to work things out and stay together. So I think you know that we I mean think about are just our family and General Lee not every single person in our family accepts what we do but the vast majority do and people that have come to know us understand who we are and we're no different than anybody else. So why shouldn't we be able to get married if that's what you choose to do?

16:04 Great. Thank you.