John Loder and Kathryn Neaverth

Recorded July 22, 2008 Archived July 25, 2008 01:21:51 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: MBX004107


Kathryn Neaverth interviews her father John Loder about her childhood, their friendship and challenges and their hope for each other and their familiy’s future.

Subject Log / Time Code

Kathryn remembers a secret party they threw, slid down stairs in a sleeping bag.
How John wants to be remembered, making good chili, a good friend, funny.
Remember how Sara (John’s wife) got pregnant with 3rd child.
They remember listening to a great radio station in Troy, NY, children’s theater.
They make wishes for all of their family members, Kathryn talks of her love of her son, Liam.


  • John Loder
  • Kathryn Neaverth

Recording Location

MobileBooth East


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00:02 I see the red light.

00:05 I am cait neveras and I'm 38 years old and today's date is July 22nd 2008 and I'm in my town of Buffalo New York, and I am interviewing my father.

00:19 And as her father, my name is John Sam, Sam Lauder. I was 69 on July 7th. And today is Kate set is July 22nd. And this is the year 2008. It's an election year. We are located in the Airstream trailer. Just beneath the Buffalo Erie County Public Library.

00:47 And how I've already said that Kate's my daughter and my middle name is Kingsbury after my grandfather Kingsbury Hale Davis who would have been 100 years old this year on August 5th knew that.

01:14 Okay. Well, are you going to ask me or am I going to ask you? Why you go ahead daddy start? Okay. Well.

01:23 As time has progressed. I have learned more about my children than I ever thought. I know one thing. I remember was when you and Janet.

01:39 Owned up to having a monster party when Mom and I were in town this back when we lived in Eden, New York in New York and

01:55 Mom, and I went to a concert or to a play or something like that where you were in Vermont Dad? Okay, so we were in Vermont and

02:13 I you two girls just sort of volunteered possibly because we were all a little lit considerably still. I don't know but you you owned up to this horrible party where someone went through a window of the porch railing a busted you had a big fight with the sister of a friend, but I didn't want to ask about that. I didn't even want to go over all of that except I did what I really want was to know. Can you tell me of any other parties that you never owned up to?

02:55 I can remember one party my sister only had her.

03:04 Driver's permit. So she couldn't drive by yourself if she drove your Volkswagen Beetle. What year was it? 69 Volkswagen Beetle? No 72. I'm sorry blue Volkswagen Beetle. She drove that all around super blue Super Beetle and I had you know the football team there. I'll my girlfriend's there. We got into our L.L.Bean class 5 mummy sleeping bags at my Aunt Ellen gave us when we slid down the staircase for hours at a time drunk and just a note that anything we broke we repaired or we hit you had so much stuff. You wouldn't know something was missing. So we were paired the railing we are

04:04 Tell me about it. So anyway. My reason for doing this with you was

04:10 Because it goes in the Library of Congress forever and it's just kind of my way of immortalizing you cuz you're pretty cool and besides I only ever made it into Marcus's men of Distinction or something like that a couple of times it but they try to make me pee. I love free.

04:37 So what do you need to know about me that I haven't already blurted? What other than my middle name? How did you and Mom decide my first name?

04:49 Wow, that is definitely embarrassing. It was so easy to name Jenna because we had these new friends Jenna and Libby and Jennifer lesbian couple wonderful lesbian couple a perfect lesbian couple the sweetest in the world.

05:10 And and and we love them so much and their names rang. So now I see Janet Elizabeth loder and then we came to you and we we we couldn't it be Erica. No, not Erica, Jessica. No, not Jessica. What about answered? We have three or four Catherine's of the family already and but then it was said but we could do Catherine Kingsbury and that would have a nice it was Edwin have a swinging hitch Catherine Kingsbury loader and end now with your you have more syllables in your marriage a i du Sol Catherine Kingsbury never if that's nice. That's what we didn't know how it was going to turn out because you could have married a water witch.

06:06 Which case it would have been a little weird. Did you know I've since learned that the spelling of my name Kathryn is Scottish. I didn't know that you know that I do know that we picked that spelling because none of the other cancers are spelled it with. All right. Well, there's a whole lot of other people had that train of thought we already did Johnny would name his first Catherine going to ask you some more things such as if we some embarrassing ones so embarrassing.

06:53 Are you a convicted felon convicted felon this occurred? Because someone turn me in for having quite a lot of really good Lebanese hash. And what year was this? And what year was this thing before it was it was a wonderful event it terrified me all I can think it was I was going to be someone's bitch.

07:28 If it didn't happen, I very happy to say I'm glad to hear that Dad. So you've experimented and you and Mom were hippies, but you were very open with the three of us and none of us really had any substance abuse issues.

07:54 You think you do it the same all over again?

07:59 Yes, although I trying to hide it from Joseph because our third child has never smoked a cigarette never had a drink never smoked a joint never waffle that Betty Coke. He's a good boy. Don't you think that means so disapproves of Bob and me to be on the straight path. You can't say there's been no substance abuse because Joseph has abused food, right and we've had issues. But anyway, there aren't any dope fiends in the family to Smart something.

08:56 For chicken so so how would you like to be remembered?

09:03 Well, it would have been nice if I had written a good novel.

09:06 Would have been you talk like it's all over you could help 30 years. You could have 30 as I want to be tan, and she croaked at 94 and so did Aunt Margaret. She croaked.

09:28 I guess I'd like to be remembered for making good chili.

09:36 Oh, yeah, you've done that for being a good friend, although

09:43 I'm not always as good as I'd like to be.

09:47 I'd like to be remembered for being funny. That's a biggie. Yeah, I know I like.

09:59 This what I do an email, I'm always doing joking things with having a long a Lowe's cyber Jokes, which have gone downhill terribly. He's been praising me for what I send him and he doesn't use any of them instead of sending out bad jokes at the same. So what else you need to do? Well, how about you? Is there anything you want? Well, do you want to tell me anything that you've never told me before?

10:38 This is called Dead are on right now it is it is what I would be willing to share cuz I have the money to share of hill now very little I think I feel like we should have a hearse for weeks for this.

10:54 I'm never at a loss for words, but you can ask me something.

11:00 Okay.

11:02 Would you want to recount?

11:05 For the record my inadvertent attempt to kill you owe my goodness. Oh my goodness. I have a long history of throat infections, long long history of throat infections and actually repetitive strep infection infection of all stopped since I had my tonsils out in my early twenties. So although it was the worst thing I would rather give birth to triplets. So

11:40 I think I was 16 or 17 and we were at our house in Eden and I it was a wintry night and evening and my mother I believe was playing Racquetball and my father and I were in our television room and there is a new television right now here in the country and I

12:12 Was watching television with my dad and it was a very funny program. Although not funny to me because my throat was slowly closing. It was swollen shut swelling shot a cystic mass, right what was called the peritonsillar abscess and my father continued you continued to look at me. This is because I have ADD

12:42 You looked at me while I slowly got shallower and shallower breathing and then you'd look at the television you burst into laughter sometimes tears of guilt. Oh my God. I see that now that you're saying that hindsight. You didn't know that you didn't know that you weren't laughing because you didn't feel good. So he finally finally got up. I believe in raced me into Kenmore Mercy were

13:28 With the doctor. I tried to marry married in much older, but I was so in love with him for taking my pain away. I asked him to marry me and he had very dirty sneakers cuz he had been out coughing and coughing. It wasn't bad weather. So you didn't tell me I didn't kill, you know, I haven't killed any of you kid. Now I can volunteer at a time when I almost killed all of us the car that was in the 64 Chevy Bel Air.

14:10 And we were on Route 15.

14:14 Entering Bath, Maine and the outside temperature

14:19 Was about a hundred and five and we didn't have air conditioning. So the inside temperature was above that.

14:28 And we have been driving for.

14:32 3 hours or 4 hours cuz we were coming up from New Jersey going to Rochester.

14:40 And

14:42 Eyezone doubt and kept the car on 50

14:48 And all of a sudden I unknown and I realized that inches ahead of me while I'm going 50 was a stopped car with a signal light going into a supermarket parking lot.

15:04 And

15:07 I jammed on the brakes.

15:11 World a steering wheel you kids. This is back before his seatbelt existed and it's thank God the Roy two kids and neither of them were real infants, but use both shot forward into the back of the front seat and plunged into the

15:30 Put well there and your mother who was sitting in the right front passenger seat. She bashed into the dashboard and down underneath.

15:43 But no seat belts cars didn't have the back then. We also didn't have cell phones.

15:55 We did have Valium.

16:00 So that's that that's a memory of almost killing all of us.

16:05 Nnnnn III zip around the guy and zipped right back on 215 and Thunderbird.

16:19 I'm sure it was a little shaky.

16:26 This is so that was exciting.

16:28 So I almost killed us.

16:33 I got arrested and convicted.

16:36 It is very easy. I had a drunken driving accident and the guy whose car I creamed forgave me.

16:47 Really? It was a new Volvo and I would not have but I didn't destroy his car. I just pumped in one side pretty penny forgave you. They don't do that these days forgive, you know, they made me pay $650 for the light pole which was a lot. That was a lot of money.

17:22 You know the whole course in my life has been defined by my ADD was just going largely untreated my whole life.

17:33 The only time I can get my act together is if I were. Oh and Ritalin.

17:40 Or Benzedrine or dexedrine but

17:44 There you are. I've made it into retirement. I'm honored citizen.

17:52 Right, I can sit and stare at a wall for hours. It says Skil router.

18:03 Funny you are funny.

18:08 What what else do we need to say?

18:13 What are your dreams for me?

18:16 Being that I am divorced and single my dreams for you is that you would land one with money and charm and sex appeal who has a very secure job and he was an extremely good sense of humor and who will be able to put up with Wiggly. My son my son Liam Liam Liam Kingsbury never with a good job and lots of money and I want you to be secure and I want you to have fun. Okay, that's a good reason.

18:59 Cuz you had a good enough for you. It's money. That doesn't make you happy. It just makes the misery a lot easier.

19:12 Just removed

19:14 A lot of thoughts that are not productive. I understand I do.

19:22 I would like you to have another kid to I think you could at that. That's my favorite thing in the world.

19:36 Your mom mom and I had

19:39 We were all so we were all happy was too and all sudden. Mom said

19:45 You know, I'm going to run out of time. I think I want one more I think in and send it away. We got argued with about it.

19:57 But then we were at a party and we we said we want we want Sara's IUD out and so Libby do not wait for the party back to her office. Cuz if the time she was a family doctor and she put Sarah up and stir my goodness. I did not know this you did not know.

20:31 Put in the speculum in a bright light and she said have you ever seen the cervix before and I said, no. I haven't and so pale and a sheet. She graduate with a forceps and took it out. And that's weird Joseph came from I am most likely because I used Too Much Information give too much information, but never as much information as you ever swear. I am my mother's daughter at the Library of Congress 20% operational needs this information.

21:13 To Warrant put out warrants for all right. No, no. No, you don't have to be broadcast on the radio. I really wanted that but that's okay. So, okay. So back to life after being busted. We became very tight friends with a lieutenant of politically. Just curious are you proud of me?

21:53 I am proud of your work record. You have had more very jobs than any of my other children.

22:05 You've you've had an almost you may have more jobs than I've had and I've had a hell of a lot of jobs are very centered on jobs and career and money. I don't know if you know you are but you are I would rather you be proud of me that I'm so good to Liam. And so patient with what you choose to say. You're proud of first. I thought that sounds

22:35 I I like accomplishment and I know and I know that's why I have higher standards because of you but

22:46 I think I I tell Liam every single day. I love them because I I don't think I heard that you are you're very good. You're you're better than Mom. But you know what? I mean? She had no. Mom never said anyone that she loves but I know I made her I made her when I was in Spanish and you're telling me right now you love me. So I think emotion and and Lovin

23:23 Secure

23:25 I don't know fostering Liam's self-esteem is more important than accomplishment. He's struggling in school right now, and I just don't want to make him feel bad about it. And I want to be proud of his accomplishments. So I don't have to do well, but it's much more important to me that he knows he's loved.

23:44 I think he does know that I tormented endlessly cuz he I think he knows he

23:56 All right, so, I think I'm done.

24:07 You're wonderful.

24:13 Yes. Oh, okay. Let me tell you though. That's a wonderful question.

24:22 You were born in the Summit Hospital. Where should I land? Mom, and I

24:32 Had decided to have you the same way. We had Janet as Lamaze baby. No drugs. No nothing.

24:42 And we got this Doctor Who had only had one or two Lamaze deliveries before and he was

24:52 He was unsure of himself, but he was sure Sarah because she's the one I've done it before.

25:00 So

25:02 We were

25:06 We we went to the hospital.

25:09 And the guy said the first time we was the hospital guy said if I admit you now it's going to cost $400 extra. He said if you go home and have a drink you can Quail your

25:30 Contractions is come in tomorrow morning. So we went home and we had a couple minutes ends and mom went to sleep and slept like a baby and woke up with her pains 5 minutes apart. We ran to the hospital.

25:48 Mom

25:53 Mom, it was you know, she was crowning and didn't feel good. You're a good size baby. Not as big as Joseph and

26:03 The doctor

26:05 Said I'd like a cup of coffee. Would you like one too and I started leaving. It was just so wonderful. Like that though.

26:30 But you you you burst quite nicely and that I look like Winston Churchill all babies do

26:42 Do you were you were lovely baby and I saw that you didn't have red hair and I so we'll one of the family is good enough.

26:56 Yeah.

26:57 I don't do we take a picture are there any baby pictures of you? And they think you every room I don't know.

27:05 We got one of Janet and the camera broke.

27:09 And we

27:11 We we took a movie of Joseph with this huge stream of urine shooting into the air can that deliver the week are part of the movie that we can't show movies anymore. So we're going to have to put those on CDs.

27:33 How much time is we gobbled up?

27:37 That's all yeah, so, can you guys tell me about a typical day when you had three kids in the loader?

27:46 You're all very distinct personalities. Joseph is a professional geek. Janet is sort of a bitch on Wheels and very smart and Katie and I are quite similar. How going

28:10 Let's Remember The Days Inn. Raymertown. I had the worst job in the universe for which I was being very handsomely paid and we had my dream house. Not mom's Dream House great public radio stories on the radio weekly or Not The Phantom Tollbooth and Madeleine l'engle thing we knew there was there was what about an Inuit girl and a wolf or something like that?

29:04 This isn't weed remove dried New York of Troy on Route 7. And there's the tomhannock reservoir and we lived just before the time and a Reservoir in this 1850 Farmhouse Center entrance Colonial Federal Colonial my dream house. I didn't want to leave that house, but unfortunately had to leave the job or I was going to be certified.

29:36 The art of typical day there was mom was not a working mom. I shouldn't say that. She worked at the house. You're such an era dad that you could do that. We are surrounded by what's our closest neighbors were right. I did not want any truck for this. So I would get up in the morning and my carpool would come by and it would be Barbara and she and I would didn't go and pick up Ray.

30:16 Or we could park her car. I kind of like the weekend stories better cuz we chopped wood o10 caterpillars evil things and and you text fees and I never understood the never dealt with them and I brought them to Buffalo and then I gave the way to my next door neighbor.

30:47 I don't really know. I know you were you were a kid played. I have Mom's memory. I don't really remember everything. That's why I love story question a typical work day was I would get up going to have a big breakfast cuz I've always had a big breakfast with that's why I thought I felt weird when I was eating home homegrown one egg a day from Camellia butter duck.

31:20 Together breakfast

31:24 Which kind of your back then because what was Joseph came we stopped eating together. I don't know why but but we did but back then.

31:36 I think I have breakfast with you guys. Then. I would go off with my carpool.

31:42 Or I would take a trip somewhere that I was a clinical research associate clinical scientist. I monitored drug studies all over America and it was a lot of fun cancer AIDS skin back then it was cardiac drug you with the drug to save people from congestive heart failure, but I've I worked on drugs for macular degeneration. I worked on drugs for schizophrenia and borderline disorder and depression and surgical infections and a lot of skin studies.

32:32 Ask in drugs. That's what I did for a living and

32:40 And now I'm a copy editor working for my daughter's company. What was the typical day? I would come home at the same time. Sorry, I would come home with the same time and we would eat dinner as a family sitting at the dinner table and we wouldn't talk much because we were listening to radio. Yeah, I remember that. Do you remember how I was awakened in the morning?

33:13 Our clock radio with turn on and it would get this guy in somewheres in Massachusetts who would put on bird sounds and the bird sounds to get louder and louder and louder and all of a sudden some Mozart would sneak in and then it was Mozart and bird sounds Mozart brissa does a bird sounds would go and was just Mozart and then he would start to give the news and he would say all this is a terrible story. I'm not even going to tell you this but

33:48 He was such a good announcer. It's such a funny guy.

33:55 And even tell you the story so that you said we did work would actually every weekend. It seemed like everybody weekend. We were chopping trees down when cutting them up and drinking beer and Manhattan at me and Tom and Barbara, Lauren Heather.

34:37 You got the other questions for us. We could just sit and reminisce about all manner of things and now we on.

34:55 Well, if we probably would want her to have the middle section there. I just I just wanted to be as happy and successful as he can be anybody. I don't need to tell him that here Hayden. He knows it for me all the time. I just love him more than anything in the world. He was he's what I wanted my entire life.

35:19 Yes, you would want Liam to know.

35:24 It is in an archived fashion that he is your raise on debt.

35:32 I would like him to know.

35:38 I love my grandson and I love my daughter and I love my other daughter and I love my son. I've told Joseph more often cuz he needs it more or less. I know.

35:55 Yeah, I just want leave to know that there's more love flying around then. Maybe he sees your love all the time. She's about me is it will you have a relationship with a grandson that mess he's a twit. That's awful. That's awful. Do you have a relationship with your grandchild that not every grandparent has because you live next door to him and you have his entire life. So yeah, it's easy to take things for granite when you're that close and kids do that naturally kids R kids have to learn that.

36:33 Kids what kids are kids that have to learn that?

36:44 She say oh God, what would we want to hear?

36:52 That

36:54 Despite the Cavalier way that I treat her. I do quite love her best friends were very best friends. Don't want to be with anyone else Mount do you soften my eyes wander you though, we both look a good-looking buns and bicycles.

37:19 Yeah, she's pretty cool. You guys are pretty good role model for a relation for a relationship.

37:29 Gap 40 years strong, right 4140. This is the 41st year yet.

37:39 And we didn't even celebrate 40 hardly at all. We just I think I cooked your dinner.

37:50 You are an era Dad. I know I learned that that's probably why I'm single. You know, how do you get somebody? Is that funny that intelligent that

38:07 Equal minded really that's a hard role to follow.

38:15 I'm working on it.

38:18 You'll land what you know, there's this there's got to be a turkey out there who fits the bill.

38:25 Maybe not in Buffalo.

38:29 Why you cast your net fairly why I have it's not for lack of trying not for lack of trying size. I like being with Liam to I mean

38:41 We we we we know what we want Leanna.

38:46 Joy life and the most perfect little redheaded child ever be happy. I love you. I love her so much, but just relax enjoy your family with disapproves of all of us horribly every single thing funniest funniest girl witty intelligent.

39:15 Phipps amazing. I just wanted to lighten up and get off my back.

39:24 What's left to say Joseph?

39:27 We just want to live I just want to live a happy Yeah, I wanted to be happy stay living.

39:46 Although I think he's happier. Now that he's been in a long time. I think so, too.

39:56 He moved out and took the recliner ugly ugly recliner Lazy Boy.

40:12 The guy the psychiatrist in

40:16 Orchard Park

40:17 The spin-off from cheers Frasier fathers

40:29 Yes, Martin had that awful chair. So anyway, Dad I've kind of made you immortal here.

40:40 And I guess myself too.

40:43 But I love you. I love you, too. You're a you're quite runcible daughter.