Jess Murphy and Elizabeth Murphy

00:04 My name is Elizabeth Murphy. I'm 37 years old. Today is June 25th to 2006. We are in Greeley, Colorado and I'm going to interview my husband.

00:19 My name is Jess Murphy. I'm 30 years old.

00:23 Today is Sunday, June 25th, and we're in Greeley Colorado at the Greeley stampede and I'm being interviewed today by my wife lives.

00:36 Okay, so let's get started. Just you want to talk about how we met each other sure. I would love to tell the story. I'm hoping you'll help me. Tell it okay.

00:47 Well, we met in Boulder, Colorado Liz and I had both been living in Colorado for sometime me about four years and Liz close to 10 and I move down to Boulder to start going to school at the University of Colorado. I moved from Steamboat Springs where I had lived for 4 years.

01:10 And while I was up there I had made some very good friends and as coincidence would have it some of those guys that I was friends with had lived in Boulder and had known lives before they moved up to Steamboat. So

01:26 Fortuitously I was introduced to some friends of some friends of Liz and

01:35 What were their names help me out their names were Eric Baker good friend of mine from Steamboat. He's the one that originally put me in contact with you and then it was a few weeks until we actually went out together and we were fixed up. So to speak by Craig and Denise up on a blind date and they were getting married or having an engagement party that Jess unfortunately couldn't go to because he was working but Eric Baker was at an Eric and I hadn't seen each other in quite some time. So we went out after the engagement party. Then Eric had no place to stay since he was crashing and stayed in my son Malek's room.

02:22 And the next morning I was driving him over to my friends Craig and Denise's house and lo and behold there was just I had shown up there because like I said, I was good friend of Eric's and he was living still in Steamboat. I had already moved down to Boulder. So it was nice for us to be able to connect and see each other. So whenever he was down in Boulder, he would always touch base with me and I was on my way out to breakfast with those guys. I think that was the last day of work was going to be there. I'm in town and he was going to have breakfast and leave so

02:58 So that was our first I was a little hungover from the evening before and I was I was not feeling well, but I looked out the window and I saw this handsome.

03:14 Smart looking man walked by with his dog and I thought he's never told me she had a handsome neighbor and in walked chess in to Denise's house. Got out that I had my dog. He did he had Caitlin and I was really ready to vomit so I had to leave but before I did I made sure that I said hello although Justin remember that at all. So then fast forward about three weeks Craig and I had gotten to be good friends and we were seeing each other periodically on Sunday mornings to get together and have fun. Mostly. We were playing Aerobie golf.

03:57 Form of frisbee golf you play with an arrow be and at this particular time. I was knee-deep in school work trying to get my degree and working all the time. And every my routine was to go play with Craig and his friends on Sunday morning, and I would always have a ton of school work to do. I was in the engineering program at CU.

04:19 This particular time Craig

04:23 In retrospect not that casually at all, but at the time it seemed to you is very casual and had said hey, I'm going to go have breakfast with Liz. Would you like to go so I ended up canceling my study date and preference of going out with Liz and I had been on a hike with Denise who said oh I'm eating Craig for breakfast after this. Why don't you come and I said, okay. Well, I have to go pick up Malik who was two and a half at the time and then we can go and meet up at the North Pole to Cafe. So if I go and get Malik and meet Denise

05:04 And in the short time that we were at the North Boulder Cafe Denise spilled her coffee her burning hot coffee across the table all over Malik who is screaming and throwing quite a fit and being burned at the time when Jess and Craig walked in. That's the first time I've ever seen Malik just remember the first time and he was screaming bloody murder cuz he just got coffee spilled on his lap.

05:35 But anyway, things worked out great anybody at that breakfast we

05:44 It was pretty funny because Craig and Denise who were madly in love and you know smooching at the table and kind of ignoring the fact that here. I was a single mom with this man that I was interested in and this screening two and a half year old child who I didn't we had to change tables because there was coffee everywhere and I didn't have a booster seat for him and just being the gentleman that he has went and took care of everything and made it so that Malik could sit with us and made sure that everything was fine with him, which I thought now here's a nice guy.

06:25 Fast forward to our first date

06:28 The first date right? Well, let me back up when we left breakfast that day. I was I knew I wanted to ask out Liz and it's always uncomfortable at first time or at least a little anxious.

06:43 But none the last I saw my opportunity we were in the parking lot and I went up and asked Liz I was getting into my car. I believe I was getting the leak in his car seat and I asked if she needed help and she made a funny joke. He said I said do you need a hand and I said that I have to anyway we laughed and

07:07 That's right. That's right. So then just called the next day and we set up a date for Thursday.

07:14 Was it the next day I didn't give you the Note 3 didn't give me the window you just immediately called. I think you did the next day. So Thursday first date. We went out to lunch at the 14th Street Bar and Grill.

07:32 In Boulder in Boulder, and then we went for a hike at Chautauqua.

07:38 What what was your impression of that first date?

07:45 Well

07:47 It started out kind of funny because we went to the 14th Street Bar and Grill and I've never been there before and Liz ordered the one thing on the menu that I really wanted and then I ended up ordering something. That was not very good. But anyway, what was my impression well,

08:13 I mean, I was intrigued the whole reason that we were there together is because I was interested in getting to know you better and from what I remember the lunch went great. We had good conversation and we had to hike planned off at Chautauqua anyway.

08:29 So I honestly I don't remember much about the restaurant except that I didn't get the mail that who I didn't because you ordered it and I should have just ordered the same thing, but something told me to order something different and Denise had told me weeks before when I had mentioned that I was interested in you that

08:49 You never turned your head for blondes, which I normally was but at the time I was a brunette and they asked I think we had a beer or something with lunch and they asked for our ID and you looked at the picture on my ID, which was a picture of you blond woman and said who's that? I wondered how long it would take before you saw a picture of me as my natural hair color, which is very light blond. So that was pretty funny our hike up at Chautauqua was fun. We had Galen with the dog. And at one point she was very thirsty and just made a bowl out of his hands for her to drink at us and I at the time I was hoping he was interested, but I wasn't sure that you were how interested you were and right after Galen finished drinking out of your hands. You looked at me and you said you want to hold her.

09:49 And I thought that was a really cute perfect Icebreaker because course I wanted to and of course, I knew that there was no pressure and asking at that moment cuz I knew you were going to say yes. I probably would have done the same thing with was not a dog person at the time.

10:08 So we had this really great hike right and we we wound up hiking up to the top of this rock and sitting there in the shade for quite some time. Just talking.

10:19 Where was Malik during all this Malik was the one and only time in the history of Malik at daycare or preschool where I put him in when I was not working. I just had to have the state with you just drop them off yet. So is we had our very first kiss?

10:46 Which was very nice. I thought.

10:52 Very nice. What did you think of that first kiss?

10:55 Fantastic, I remember.

10:59 Scuse me. I remember us trying to touch the subject of how do we date when there's a kid in the mix and you are very concerned about.

11:13 Bringing a man around

11:15 Malik seeing me, and go that's right. I know she was very concerned that that's what was going to happen. So we knew we needed to be a little cautious night. I remember saying to you that I didn't have very much experience with dating but it seemed dating while I was a mom but it seems like probably a bad idea and I was I was pretty sure it wasn't going to work out since he just seemed too dangerous with a little boy to think about and you said but can't we try

11:48 And I just thought yeah, we totally can. That's so great. So, what did you think about someone coming in and being around another man so much that I even started helping you parent before we were married I was around so much that there were

12:10 Yeah, I just figured with a with a child that young there's no way that there's just no way that you can be around them without parenting. They just will wear you down and Road you into dust if you don't step in and help with you know, letting them know what's okay, and what's not? Okay, and you walked right into it?

12:37 Pretty happily. I don't think there's a way that even with my friends children if there with me that you have to parent.

12:47 No matter what, so

12:49 That was pretty good. We wait I think we handled the dating with children pretty well, and it was slow going to because you are so busy with school and we probably only saw each other a couple of times a week for that first year. So that was such a brutal time for me. That was my first year at see you after being on vacation for 4 years in Steamboat. And I remember that I was working or going to school everyday to see each other when we did great. What did you think about dating a single mom?

13:31 Excited I would say you have a mother who was a single mom, right? My mom is a single mom and for years and years growing up my brother and I are only had one parent. My mom is married now, but she got married when I was a senior in college. So for all intents and purposes. She's always been a single mom.

13:56 And something about that Drew me to single moms because at least two or three other times in my life. I had ended up dating a single mom. So it was certainly not a conscious thing just seems like that's what I always.

14:13 The situation and always presented itself. So what did I think about dating a mom? Well, I knew it was going to be a little more work, but I thought that we could

14:26 I knew we can make it work, right and you were very good at knowing. I think one of the best things that you were.

14:34 Really aware of is that the relationship between my child and myself had to come first and it wasn't really until we got married that that kind of Switched and changed so that the the core relationship is now you and I rather than Malik and I and I think that a lot of men would not

14:59 Appreciate and accept the fact they did not come first in a woman's life.

15:05 I think that that was a pretty awesome thing for you, or I can take all the credit. That's something that my mom a piece of advice that my mom gave me.

15:17 When we were when we had just started seeing each other.

15:21 Straight from the horse's mouth a new to believe that piece of advice. That's right. So fast forward again, and guess what?

15:34 We got married, but before we got married.

15:38 Just had to propose which was a very sweet Honey Singh very funny. We have talked to rings and we had talked we had even picked out a really great setting for a ring, but we didn't have anything to put in it and I had spoken to my mom knowing that there was some jewels in the family. So speak and she was coming to visit. So she was going to bring out her diamond engagement ring for us and

16:11 Jess and all this sorry to interrupt you. We had we had talked about all these things and going to look at rings and it's it's might be common in a relationship. That's about to go to the marriage state but we have never really spoken openly about we were going to get married. We were hinting around and saying all the right things but never coming clean and actually saying anything at all this even as far as inviting your mom out to bring that ring was all done before we said for sure right that we were going to get married right? And also, I think that

16:52 There was this there was a definite undercurrent of future together, but

17:00 For some reason we weren't really talking about it and one of the reasons I think was because somebody and I won't say who?

17:09 Mr. Murphy was talking about a surprise was supposed to happen. If you don't give a woman a ring when she's expecting. It has to be a surprise and it has to be chivalrous kind of thing. You being from the South but here I was your always calling my mother and saying we need the time and you have to you have to bring me out that diamond. That was all part of the surprise, I guess so cuz all an intricate plan, I guess if I don't you tell us about that plan.

17:42 Excuse me.

17:46 Well, like I said, we had never really come clean and talked about we will get married at this point, but it's some point in my head. I knew it was going to happen and it it wasn't just looking for rings. I was looking for rings for a reason and I finally made the decision. I remember I was at Liz's condo in Boulder.

18:07 And I called my brother and talked to him and told him that I was going to ask Liz to marry me and he was extremely excited and I think we mentioned waiting for your mom's ring to come in a few weeks or something, but I kind of had some hesitation because as Liz said I wanted it to be more of a surprise than that and through the conversation. Carrie reminded me that my mom actually had some loose Stones one for him and one for me.

18:39 And so I immediately hung up on my brother called my mom and told her and of course she was very excited to hear the news and you have to know my mom, but she said I do I'll go down tomorrow morning. I'll get it appraised. I'll ship it out to you immediately and

18:59 And so she did and it had it took almost a week to get out here.

19:07 And being such a valuable item to be mailing. It had to be delivered to a person and couldn't just be left on my doorstep or in the mailbox. So it ended up being delivered to my work.

19:19 I'm and I got the call one day when I was at work and quickly clean up my desk and left early that day.

19:29 Took the the stone and we from looking at Rings earlier Liz and I had identified the perfect setting the one do you want out of probably a hundred that we looked at that she really loved. So I made a hasty phone call to my best buddy at the time Jason and he and I went down to the jewelry store to see about getting it set and there were some complications because as luck would have it was too big for the setting that Liz picked out you couldn't ask for a better disappointment than that, but so I had to kind of

20:10 Improvised on the spot. And anyway, I had it set and then by the way, this was about one week before Valentine's Day and this Jeweler is a fine Craftsman and has a waiting list a very long waiting list, but threw a few visits we had gotten to know who we were he knew Liz he remember that we had really flipped over this one setting and I told him I needed it in 3 days because I wanted to give it to you on Valentine's Day that year

20:45 And he hemmed and hawed but I could tell deep down. He really wanted to make it happen. So he did he ended up casting the the ring that night at work and it was ready in three days. I picked it up and I believe that Valentine's was on a Saturday that year. I picked it up Friday after work. And so what did you do with that ring? I put it in my pocket and carried it around all day scared and the plan was to give it to Liz the next morning, but I decided that I couldn't wait.

21:20 So I went to her condo that night and hung out and we had dinner then she was putting Malik to sleep. And while she was up there. I jumble daily magnetic poetry on the fridge in Maita. Also there happened to be champagne that showed up somehow. I was yes, I did bring some champagne. I thought enough in advance about that and Liz came down from putting the lead to sleep and I walked into the kitchen and we had been four months writing.

22:00 Each other

22:02 Love notes on the refrigerator.

22:06 In this magnetic poetry and just said there's new there's new poetry up there for you and it said

22:16 What did it say?

22:19 I think it said something like of the day.

22:25 Our eternity begins with a ring for her finger. That's right. That's right. And I laughed and I said but that's silly. My mother is not coming till Wednesday. Yeah, I get it. We're going to get married, but what?

22:41 And next thing I know he's on his knee pulling out of ring box, and I just I looked at the ring and I thought I said.

22:52 My ring that diamond is huge. That's not my mother's Diamond. What is this? That's not my ring and I just kept thinking that's not my ring and he said no it is it is and after I count down for a minute. He finally explain to me the whole

23:12 Funny Twist of how that ring became mine in.

23:16 It was very exciting. Very exciting. So

23:21 We got busy immediately planning a wedding for July which our anniversary or two year anniversary is coming up in two weeks.

23:30 And our wedding date is July 10th.

23:34 And we had such a blast planning and we decided to do it on the lawn at Chautauqua because that was such a special place for us and it's free to do it there. And then we had the reception at the med free. Well everything else around it. But it was free to do it there and I think that it's really neat that both of us consider that day to be

24:07 The Best Day Of Our Lives. It was just a blast. Did you have any special memories you wanted this year?

24:15 A lot a lot of good memories from that time.

24:22 I think what I liked most about it is that it was a very casual.

24:28 Type of experience not casual from the standpoint that we weren't dressed up for that there weren't people there but casual

24:36 Just just seemed a little more relaxed because it was maybe outside reception was outside. Also what I really liked about that time was it?

24:50 Well, we're both from different places. So our friends are scattered across the country and it's rare that we get to see any of them but to get to see all of them at one time for a couple or three days in a row was really special. We had parties at our house.

25:07 I have a couple nights before the wedding which was really nice and all of our relatives were there also, which was sweet.

25:16 Yeah, it was very casual and in that it was relaxed, but it was a wedding and it was special and cherished and

25:28 I love during our ceremony that we included Malik and to this day he calls it our wedding which is sweet for sure. He thinks of it as his special day that he got a dad.

25:47 Yeah, it was nice to be a dad for a kid like that because growing up in the same situation. That is a kid with a single mom.

26:01 It was good to be able to turn the situation around and

26:05 And I guess it was fate. I don't really say that word much but

26:11 For us to come together and may be able to provide what I didn't have was means a lot to me. What is your experience with?

26:23 With being a dad after not having a dad.

26:26 And then

26:29 I should mention that we now have a 15 month old son named PJ also. So now you have a stepson and another son.

26:39 And what's the what's the difference between a stepchild and a child of your own to do you notice any difference?

26:49 Well, I think that when you have a baby.

26:52 You are so used to.

26:55 Nurturing and fulfilling that babies needs and if they fall down it's instinct to pick him up and tell him it's going to be okay and brush off their knees and

27:07 And while I knew that that was what you were supposed to do with the kid, it did not come naturally with Malik until we got the baby and now I can see all the things that you tried to tell me for 3 years about how it would be different when you can finally experience what it's like to have a baby. Do you find it easier now with Malik now that you have that experience with PJ. Do you find it easier to be affectionate with him and to get him in Love on him? Yeah. I'm part of it is knowing what he needs knowing what Malik needs because they can't really tell you at 4 and 5 and 6 years old.

27:54 That they have said they need a hug, right? They need a hug and they need you to say are you okay and I knew it from from witnessing it but I didn't know it from experience and when you have a baby they are so needy that that that's not even a question. That's just what you doing. So, I guess that would be one difference, right? What about

28:26 What about

28:28 Your own experience with a stepfather you have had to stepfathers.

28:36 I'm one for very short amount of time and then one who like you said your mother married when you were a little bit older. What about the experience with those stepfathers? Can you?

28:47 Remember that has helped you with being a stepfather.

28:56 Well, the first stepfather was

29:03 Not so good. That's putting up my baby. He was not a not a good person and that that relationship didn't last very long and I don't want to talk about that. But I did learn a lot of things from my mom's current husband David, Troy.

29:20 And I can relate to him a lot now because I know.

29:27 Kind of what we were just talking about not being able to see what physical emotional needs a kid has and I can kind of remember not a specific time, but but in general a feeling of

29:43 Some hesitation awkwardness between him and me and

29:51 And the same kinds of things between Malik and myself right being a stepdad is not easy.

29:58 No.

30:00 In fact, I wouldn't say that being a dad is easier now having been both.

30:07 And luckily I Malik has not.

30:11 Come to the stage in his life yet where he'll say things that are hurtful just to be her fault like you're not my dad.

30:22 Continue, I don't have to listen to anything that you have to say luckily and 1/8. Unfortunately for Malik. His father is not in the picture currently and has not been since he was probably one years old or maybe closer to 2.

30:42 And although that's unfortunate for him. I think that's a really positive thing for your relationship with Malik since

30:51 You know, he's not comparing. Well, all of it. He knows about dads is resting on your shoulders, which is probably a little bit of pressure I would imagine is it pressure for you? I don't look at it like that at all not pressure.

31:10 But he sure does love you. That's for sure. It was nice to be able to step in and and be a dad and I didn't even really know what it meant to be a dad. You tell us. Can you tell us about how?

31:26 After we got engaged you and Malik sat down and had a conversation about what was Malik going to call you and that's a pretty funny story. Could you tell us about that? Sure. I don't remember that maybe as clearly as you so I'll feel free to interject.

31:47 But I wanted to I wanted him and I to have a relationship where he was not calling me by my first name and not that it bothered me. But you know, there's tons of questions they come from school and from baseball practice and all those things. If you're not calling your dad dad for calling him by his name and I didn't want it to diminish.

32:09 Our relationship and I also didn't want it to be awkward for him having to answer those questions when you're five years old. I mean it's hard enough to answer them and I'm 30 years old.

32:23 And at the time Malek's dad was occasionally calling on the phone to talk. So I didn't want it to be dad. And I always liked Papa has a name for a for a dad and it could be that that's because I grew up in Alabama and that's what a lot of people called each other in it. And also I like that it's kind of an old country saying of a part of our heritage that no one really uses anymore. So it ended up being Papa and in the process mom became mama is now mama. She was mom forever, but now, it's Mama and Papa.

33:07 That's how you it's me.

33:10 Except for PJ of course because he started the dead..... And we of course that he's talking to you. He's talking to you so he will do it. Yeah, he will it will change when he can pronounce those P words.

33:30 So where do you think will be in at let's see. We're coming up on our second year anniversary. What do you think? Where will we be in 8 years for our 10-year anniversary retired? Oh, what a dream that would be. So where will we be in 10 years?

33:52 Well, I've always loved the small-town steamboat part of Colorado and it's always been a goal for me to get back there. And I'm not sure what we'll have to do to make it happen. But

34:05 It would be nice for us to end up there 8 years from now.

34:10 I can live with that.

34:12 That would be nice very nice. We could just snowboard every day and swim question for you. Where do you see us eight years from now at our 10-year wedding anniversary. Well now that you've mentioned Steamboat it seems like what a great lofty idea, but I'll be low more realistic. I see us living in Broomfield Colorado where we live now and our beautiful house that we love so much and

34:42 I'll see us looking towards the future with a 11 year old and a my gosh would Malik B.

34:51 1616 year old pulling her hair out probably

34:58 Wondering if we can actually leave for the night to go out without a party happening at our house.

35:06 Yeah.

35:09 Okay, that would be really fun. Is there anything else that you would like to say to me or to anyone?

35:16 Honest interview well

35:19 One thing for sure. I'm very glad that we're here today. I've been listening to the storycorps for a few months now since it's been on in something about it if he owed to me something about the intimacy of Storytelling and to try to get some of these stories. We love that really Define who we are and then how we've gotten to where we are to get them down on one record. It's one thing to sit across the dinner table with some of your best friends and reminisce about stories, but

35:57 Something appealing to me about actually recording him so I'm very glad we're here. Thanks for coming. Thanks for telling me about it. It's very exciting. Is there anything you want to add?

36:10 Nope. I think I'm good will probably think of some things on the way home. I tell you that. I love you. I love you, too.