Sherrilyn Adams and Stacee Adams

Recorded April 6, 2009 Archived April 6, 2009 39:58 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: MBY005264


Stacee interviews her mother about the time in her life when she was single and free.

Subject Log / Time Code

Stacee is single and the world is full of possibility, and she wants to hear about that time in her mom’s life.
Sherri was called a rebel in high school. She was a war protester, which wasn’t the norm in UT. She had long hair, wore bellbottoms, little makeup, went barefoot.
Sherri was enveloped in music in high school. She loved rock music that made her get up and move.
Stacee feels like a late bloomer. She has really come into her own lately. She was very much influenced by her mom.
In high school they had to take a class on planning your wedding. The boys had to plan the honeymoon.


  • Sherrilyn Adams
  • Stacee Adams

Recording Location

MobileBooth West


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00:06 My name is Stacy Elaine Adams. I am 32 years old today is April 6th 2009. We are in Salt Lake City and I am interviewing my mom.

00:17 My name is shearling Jean Adams. My age is 54 today's dates April 6th. 2009 were in Salt Lake City, Utah, and my daughter is interviewing me.

00:30 So I'm her mother.

00:33 Soap Mom. I'm in a really interesting place in my life right now. I'm single. I don't have any children. I'm working. I'm getting ready to start a professional degree in college and the world felt full of possibility to me and I kind of want to know about the time in your life where you were single with no kids in the world was full of possibility and I don't recall us ever talking about this and I'm really I really want to know what that look like for you who you were at that time.

01:03 I need anything you want to tell me about that. You know when when I was in high school, we had counseling each week. Just like I think they do. They still do and they talked about college and they helped kids get ready for college, but that really wasn't an option for me to go to college and I ended up going to Salt Lake City Community College for one year, but it wasn't like what you're doing. I didn't go after a degree. I didn't get any kind of degree. I got a certificate of completion and so really, you know, the world was was open to doing anything. But the main thing went at my age was that they pushed was that you get married and you start a family as soon as possible and they really didn't talk that much about going to college. It just wasn't a subject that people really talked about

01:55 So that's kind of what they did Even though. That's what they talked about. But that's not exactly you know, I really wanted my freedom when I was when I was out of high school. I wanted to be myself. I wanted to live without any rules for a while and I pretty much did that so

02:17 Why did I think we're the same except I failed out of college at Salt Lake Community College when I first started so in high school, how would you describe yourself? What kind of person were you then? I think I was really different. I got called a rebel. I think that's because I like to do things different. I at that time music was changing and the culture was changing. And so I kind of like to explore things that were a little bit scary to a lot of people and so I think I was a little bit rebellious and you went to a lot of by protest at the Vietnam War and you know went up to the Utah State Capitol in did that and a lot of people were in Utah. Time, especially Salt Lake there was a big crowd that did do that. But at the same time there was a lot of influence by religion here and so it wasn't quite the norm, you know to do something like

03:17 But that's what I did. So I would call myself, you know, a free a freedom person. I love to dance at a concert by myself and and did that and and just that's that's pretty much what I was like, what did you look like? Did you have long hair hygiene address? I had long hair. It was about down to my waist. I wore bell-bottoms, you know faded out Army dungarees. I think that's what they call them and I kept my hair long and straight all the time. So I usually look the same. I wore very little makeup. I love to go barefoot. And you know, I would as much as I possibly could and

03:59 Yeah, that's that's about what I I mainly wore were were bell bottoms and sweaters and and tops and stuff.

04:08 So you graduate from high school, which I think is just absolutely amazing given the time and given what I know about your circumstances growing up and just what I also know about our family. I think that's really a really amazing that you were able to do that particularly that you did it pretty much by yourself when you were done. What do you want to do how I don't remember how long it was from when he graduated and tell you my dad and I actually met him when I was a senior in high school. So there was a lot of influence from him, you know during that my last directions to influence but we were to get we spent a lot of time together the last few months of my high school year and especially since my high school partially burned down we graduated early and it was wasn't too funny when it happened. But you know to me I was excited that man. I didn't have to go to school. So, you know, I was off for that but really if I would have had a choice I was absolutely

05:08 Enveloped in music. I loved music. I loved the change in music that came just a couple of years before my high school years and if I would have been able to do whatever I wanted to do. It would have been to go to school to learn how to do something in the background something in the recording studio for you know, some really hot bands or something is that's what I would have really liked to do would be to get it would have been to get involved in the background music. So what artist did you really love that? We're really inspirational to goodness. There were so many good ones, but I think I was really influenced by was thinking about this the other day. I was really influenced by The Doors Light My Fire the long version In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida Canned Heat and ASRock kind of grew I really that was my thing was rock music so mean, I like Joni Mitchell. I loved all the all that type of music as well, but I really

06:08 I loved anything that made me want to just get up and move and that was rock music. I did it for me. So.

06:16 There was a lot of good stuff lot of good bands just coming up and out and lot of fun at some it's funny to me because I didn't realize we had so many similarities during that time and especially physical similarities way. We dressed the way your hair was I wouldn't let Dad cut my hair had to be long and straight and put it in the middle and protested the first war in the Middle East in the early nineties and had a total doors in session in junior high which thankfully past but but I had no idea that you know that you had already done that and I thought I was doing the same thing thinking I was being completely original because everything was new to me that time was going to me the war was new to me, but those footsteps it already been before I laid down and I had no idea that I was just walking behind you be cool. Yeah. Well then I'm glad your dad. I'm glad you had those experiences. I really am and because they're they're really have a lot of meaning I think in life and they really out a lot.

07:16 To our character and who we are and what people think about us I think by standing up for things like that. So and I'm really glad that you had those chances today that I'd prefer that there would have been awarded, you know, but since I was so well and you weren't dad's music taste still influence mine today. It's kind of embarrassing to admit the people. That's my favorite albums are I want to ask people if they know who a beautiful day is yeah. They have no idea and then when I talk about how disappointed I was when I asked for the Led Zeppelin box set and got the Beatles White Album and stuff people your age can understand why dad made that decision, but I still have any that you would bring it off if I knew that you would bring up his beautiful day. I don't know if you know that they were the flame I believe lives in Salt Lake or used to live in Salt Lake City and he's the lead singer for it's a beautiful day. In fact the last time I noticed I believe that he teaches at the University of Utah.

08:16 And his music today, I think even though it came out in the 70s or the late 60s. I'm not sure holds up today. I mean I can listen to that album today and it's something that would be just as good as you know. It's just as good today as it was back then and I think it is interesting that he was here in Utah. I don't know if like I say if we lived at least lived here if not was raised here.

08:40 So so nice be interesting to talk to him and interview him probably. I love it when Dad gave me that album and that was in high school for Christmas because he told me that you guys used to listen to it when you were young and in love and you know, you were just these two young beautiful people that made this great connection and you shared this thing and it was so touching to me because I think in many ways both of you guys have started giving me these great pieces of your own passed through music and I don't know if you know this but I found an uncle Robbie's album collection like years ago. He is Led Zeppelin 4 on vinyl in the original case with dad's love notes to you that are all signed rattlesnake has yet Bobby David to me. He said, you know, this really doesn't belong to me and belongs to your parents and dad didn't really want it. So I was like, I'll take it. I mean, this is

09:38 And I do and I still don't have all of your 45 so good.

09:47 So, let's see. What else do I want to talk to you about? I'm curious to know who the most important the most important person in your life was. I mean, I know some of those people were floating around but I don't think that I have a really clear idea about who it is.

10:05 Why not stop I'd have to think about that for a minute. Is there anything else you want to ask on? Let's see. Another thing I wanted to know was Who Your Role Models were growing up like what kind of people you looked up to Gloria Steinem?

10:20 Time was a role model and

10:24 You know the Rolling Stones phones for her role model and I would say all Musicians music and anybody that had anything to do with music was more of a role model for me and

10:40 I loved it that there were women out there that were you know, trying to make a change in women's rights and and you know all the way around how we're treated to Howard how things going are where can I work place and everything and so I'd have to say a lot about Gloria Steinem. You know, I wanted to hear everything she had to say and I wanted to follow in her footsteps as well. You know what that being independent and and I having the freedom that she enjoyed I'm glad you mention that because I sometimes when people ask me, how did I end up being who I am and in particular older women? I think they just love they love to tell me how cute I am and how great it is that I'm not married and I'm in my thirties and I've really that happy interesting experiences and I was really a late bloomer in life and just about every way I mean education professionally emotionally, I'd I really just feel like I've come to my own within the last five or six years and

11:40 Whenever they do ask me that I always say you because you were like my feminist role model as a kid. You got a divorce and you had a great relationship with Dad and nobody else could tell you how to have that relationship and it was amazing and you weren't in your professional and you look like a professional and we were a little tiny Salt Lake City where everybody else's mom stayed home and took care of the kids and make quilts and you worked and sometimes you supported our whole entire family and I just think that's so incredible and I remember always wanting to like steal your cool to overheat because you look like the women on the news or the women like Melanie Griffith been whatever movie that was where she was once in the secretary to the CEO and I just think that's really amazing cuz you're the first person who showed me that was possible when I had seen so many women like dad's mom who just struggled they struggled and they never seem to know who they were and you mentioned earlier that when you graduated from high school yet but station was

12:41 Get married and have children while that was the expectation when I graduated from high school as well. We had a class actually that you learned how to plan your wedding and the boys in the class learned how to plan a honeymoon and they didn't tell you how hard it would be to have children or how much it would suck to never have money because you're paying for college or to talk about how you just wanted to travel or like I did he wanted to ski all the time and

13:07 And it just still astounds me of it that situation is exactly the same as it was when you were in high school and then God for the choices we have yeah, you know, I'm glad you mentioned the saying because I can remember how disappointed I was when you gave up your scholarship, but at the same time

13:24 I thought you got your nose get out there and do it do it right now while you can because later on down the road when you do have a family, you're not going to be able to go skiing 5 days of the week or you know, 7 Days every day of the week that you want. And so I'm really proud of you that you were as strong as you were when you graduated and and took that route. You know, I think it's kind of a Road Less Traveled there and I'm really glad you did that. That's the only thing I felt like I was going on at the time and I love all the pictures that you develop until years later, but

14:04 So they're a couple are actually whole bunch of questions on my list because there's a lot of things. I feel like I don't know about you but one of the things I really want to know is what words of wisdom. Would you give to me?

14:16 With the caveat that our lives still have many many years to get a ride, but I tried helped you tell me that you think I need to know that I don't.

14:29 I think I would try to I would tell you that you need to be close to family.

14:35 And if there's things that separate family find Bridges find ways to make bridges back so families there so that you never lose track of your family. That would probably be the biggest thing and you know, honestly Stacy I really look up to you, you know when the way you live your life in the things you do. So I would almost think that you'd be in a position to give me more advice and I ever would give you so there you have it.

15:04 Okay.

15:07 So I kind of want to know.

15:11 What is your favorite sayings about being me and Zach's mom?

15:15 Oh boy, the list could go on forever. I'm just one of the favorite things is that both of you have had that in Independence about you you both speak what you really believe and I really think that's a wonderful thing to have for both of you both. Tell people the truth. You you say what's on your mind and your you both had the opportunity to go to Europe in to travel After High School. I'm really glad you were able to do that both of you and to not jump in that marriage or into a relationship as soon as you got out of school.

15:55 And I'm I'm sorry. What was the question again. Just let your favorite things about us are well, that's part of my favorite thing. Plus I I'm so proud of both of you. I'm so you know, I'm proud of stock. I never would have dreamed that he would be such a good dad, you know in a fun dad to LA but he is and he I mean, he's a good person to everybody. I just never realized that he would be such a people person and have so much respect and you you've really bloomed that way and it's just amazing to me because you have so many people that love you. I'm in the minute I get away with any of your friends. They grabbed me and tell me that you know, you're such a good person. They love having you for a friend and you know, so I'm really proud of how you and Zack have developed in your character and your morals and how people respond to you in your life. And so that's, you know, just incredible to me.

16:55 You know, I meant I wouldn't say a man vs. But I wish I had some of what you guys have that way in myself and I don't really see it in myself. I'm so glad that you guys still. I always knew that Zack was that kind of a person cuz he even though I was bleeding the Berlin high school and I wanted to save every sad loss puppy in the world. He I think he has always had a much bigger heart than I do for people and problems and I crazy. I think he's just amazing and he's doing amazing things yet. He is and I'm really glad for myself because I spent a lot of awkward years when I moved back from Park City and not knowing what to do with people that I didn't really learn anything from and they were my friends and I care about them, but there was just I wasn't really sure that I was going to make anything of myself and I'm really grateful for the opportunities. I had that yep.

17:56 Look at the friends you have now compared to her friends. You had After High School. I do have the greatest friend. You do have some really wonderful friends and they really do love you. And I love them. The I I am so lucky.

18:09 I really am so what do you want to do still you're young. You know, I I still I really am not a hundred percent. I don't love what I do at all. I mean eyed cat doesn't matter if I'm going to do the dishes. I'm going to do the best job I can but I really don't care for the job that I have right now and I hope that I could work into something more along the lines of what I've done in the past. I hope I can get back into it. But one of the things that I'd really like to do that I've put off forever. I started it. I loved it. It was I did it with passion and that stained glass around. It's funny that I've you know for many years. I never saw any of the ideas that I had that I would do is stained glass. I never really saw him. But you know now it seems like in the last two or three years it I see these things that I thought of 20 years ago. They're popping up all over the place. And so I think I still want to do that. I want to move

19:09 Up in my job into something that's more challenging and uses some of the skills that I've let you know the good skills that I've I've had in my life and I'd like to be you know, I'd like to do stained glass and I have the space. I live somewhere where I can you know, get that done that always used to be the number one reason why I always said I never did it. There was nowhere to I did I just have the space to get it out work on it and leave it but I do now so I think that you know, I've just been thinking about that the last few days. I've I've seen something on I think it was Channel 7 p.m. Yeah PBS and they have somebody on there now that that teaches stained glass on there and I've seen her before I seen her books and so it just kind of spurred stats kind of got something going inside of me again to want to do it and I will do it. I will do it within the next couple months. I'll get started on it. It'll be pretty cool. You can have your own Bohemian art studio with Joni Mitchell playing in the

20:09 Got me to go to the Vita.

20:17 Okay, so you mentioned that you I don't know if you have any specific questions that you want to ask me but she went to will what him what is that? Okay. What's the outcome of you going to grad school with?

20:31 I would say that I'm either really lucky or really cursed with the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel like I know what I'm good at and I'm really good at connecting people to things they need and I'm really good at seeing relationships and finding ways to build on them and strengthen them into further Batman 2 new new territory. So those are things I've just learned that I'm good at in the last couple of years.

20:57 Graduate school is really a way for me to make more money. I really want to buy a house and I need more money to buy a house. So that's one of the things I have. There's a lot of things in graduate school that I'm probably not going to care a lot about like a budget so I don't really care about us, but I do care about mediation and negotiation and learning how to help people in the workplace. Be more fulfilled be more successful learning about how to run an organization efficiently. I'm those are all things that I think are really great skills not only in professionally, but that can apply to the rest of your life as well. So that's one of the things I'm looking forward to him at this point in my career. I think I have to do it. I have to have some kind of graduate program or degree under my belt in order to sort of move up and move on and there are days when I still really wish that I could go back to school and take meteorology or biology or geology because I'm totally obsessed with the natural world and I'm such a nerd that way. I love science, but I ended up doing something.

21:56 Show me different and I really enjoy this too. So I don't know what the outcome will be. I think a bigger salary which is awesome. Certainly more respect. Its I think I'll be the first person at least on Dad's side of the family to have one and you know, that's kind of cool I guess and it's it's nice to know that I have enough love and support in my life to actually make it through that the process cuz it's extremely difficult.

22:22 But I don't really know but are your plans to go to the University of Utah or yes, and that's why I'm applying so you'd be living in Salt Lake 10 for a while at least a few years then if I get in and who knows what happens if I don't know I'm really unhappy right now with my job and it's hard because I feel like either I'm doing something wrong or they're trying to put a square peg in a round hole and it's just not working and if I can't find anything else here, I don't want to just sit around and watch all these really great skills. I have acquired the last couple of years and only initiative I have in the past and I have for it just doing the way and get me and down into nothing. We're to do that another job that I really care about then I think I might consider looking somewhere else, you know, Colorado Springs with me and bad place to live and Zack and listen Ellie there which would be great. But I don't know. I think it just depends.

23:22 I feel if I can see something good coming on the horizon the night. It keeps me calm. You know that I don't freak out and feel like I'm trapped but if there's not any possibility if I don't see anything coming down the road then I start to get a little antsy and start to look. We'll see what happens. Okay, something else. I'd like to know is if if you're not married by the time you're 38, are you considering having a baby on your own?

23:52 Yes, I think I would love to have a child but I would need someone to help support it. So if I graduate with my executive MPA and make a lot of money and you're not remarried have to live in the basement babysit all the time, if you want, I'll take the mother-in-law apartment and get the house without a will work it out. And I know I always joke about having kitten panting it off on some of the older ladies in my life cuz they would love to take care of a child. And I think I'd really like to be a mom. But I'd also like to work. Yes, so that's something that I want to well that's good to know nothing but the real

24:33 But I won't be like the woman who has 14 kids that long though ID and I couldn't imagine that also went one or two at the most really.

24:44 Well, that sounds pretty good to me. I'm glad to know that on and it's on record now. So, you know, I can hold you to it to me when I'm there. I'd love to be Grandma to your baby.

25:02 So, who are you what some of the music that you like right now? I know that you like I know you love me sick. But who do you like? I've been listening to a lot of Elton John. I love yes you did for the record. I just saw aliens on Saturday April 4th in Colorado Springs. I was so glad to see him with Melissa because she loves him and just seemed that she has for his music in that experience really helped me because I'm not familiar with that much of you know of his music. I have been listening to him forever, but I almost cried when he played a rocket man. It was such a beautiful song in for the first time in my life. I think I kind of understand what he was talking about. But then again that's the beautiful thing about music is that it's always transformative and it means something different every person who hears it but

25:51 It was really amazing. It was really amazing. He's lost nothing and who else are you listening to? Who else am I listening to right now? I know you love NPR. I do love NPR I listen to NPR every day. There is a British singer named castbox who sang one of my favorite songs in the whole world the song called Music Matters and she collaborated with a band called Facebook on an album that they did. I think it was the fourth album of it done and it was really a song to all of their children and a lot of it was dealing with relationships between parents and children in the genre is kind of Electronica, or I don't really know. But anyway, so it's just this brilliant beautiful upbeat song about standing up for yourself and standing up for what's right, and there is a line where she's talking about, you know being made more sure and more wise and crazy if I have people that love her and she's just great. So I just ordered

26:51 Album I can't find it anywhere. It's not an iTunes. It's not in any of the stores here, but I love British techno. I got myself British electronic. I love hip-hop and rap. I always will I love dirty hair bands music that I listen to in the 80s like Slaughter and when you're in Def Leppard and Van Halen still love all those things and of course the 70s rock and some of the sixties rock that you and Dad listen to but I have quite a few of those albums, even though I was mocked by Zachary for requesting them as birthday gifts.

27:25 I just thought of something else that I really want to do and that's learn how to country and western dance. You should have asked me the high school. I know I know you still have your boots. I don't even know I still have my boots and my I don't really listen to country music anymore, but I do listen to the stuff. I left it a little bit.

27:44 So but I would I think line dancing would be a lot of fun to learn.

27:49 Did I tell you what I wanted to learn how to do I want to learn how to sing you did well, are you going to go for it? Because I don't have the desire to go back to the Unitarian Church a little bit, but I don't like singing in public because I really can't sing and I love to sing in my car, but I'd really like to learn how to sing.

28:07 We definitely should do that $300 Bowl. Maybe my braces come off though.

28:12 Mel stop twisting so much.

28:17 I will definitely and I do love jazz music more soft jazz.

28:30 More soft jazz, but I do love I do love jazz. So it's another makes you want to get up and move around.

28:39 What did you think when when you saw Stacey begin to sort the following your Footsteps in high school? I was really excited about it. I was going through a lot at that time, but I really was glad to see that she was going to get a couple of things in her life that that a lot of kids don't have the opportunity to have the travel to Europe the freedom to be a ski bum and give up a scholarship for it things like that. I I was excited. I really was because I knew she was on the right track. I knew she was I knew that only good could come from it. I think that's Justified. I mean to fill out a college in a couple of years later get for us a Vanishing of your undergrad degree while working 50 hours a week. Yeah. I think it was all about the timing for me.

29:31 Do you have to have specific hopes for Stacy? I do I know that I'd like her to get her finish grad school because I know how important it is to her. And I'd like to see her have a baby but it's not a major break or anything in my life if if she doesn't, you know, but I think that that would help fulfill something that she wants and

29:57 I guess just died. I want to see you in a job that you love because I know that's possible. I've seen you do it before when everything was you know, it was just perfect the people that you worked with the work that you were doing. Everything was just the right thing and I know you can have that again. I know that this is just a temporary situation that you're going through and you will find it. I have an interview on Friday. Actually you do and who's out with for Peter's office. Is that right? I couldn't help anymore. I was going to say anything but I couldn't help you out. You know that that works out any you know anymore, but I'm glad to hear that that's wonderful. So the one in 15 chance at this point, but we'll see what happens. It's possible it is I'm certainly qualified for the job. Yes. You are. Yeah.

30:47 So that would be great. I really would so in terms you mentioning want to do the stained-glass isn't what else do you want to do? I told you I want to line dance and I think I want to get active spiritually again. I want to find

31:08 I definitely want to get a s, you know, some more spirituality in my life and become closer to my higher power and lean more in that direction than I have for quite a while. So that's another big important things. I want to get their complish to or not accurate is not going to be an accomplishment but something that I work on forever for the rest, you know of my life but in and that's going to happen real soon already have plans. I'm already in the midst of doing that. So did you ever felt disappointed that Zack and I just really had no interest in I think we're both spiritual people that were not religious people, right? And I'm more so mean even him. I mean, I really don't care at all for any sort of religious convention, but the how how was that for you? I mean did you feel disappointed that we didn't go down that road or no? Because that's that's how I've been to in my life where it's just been spirituality between me and my higher power, you know without real.

32:08 Involved in so I didn't bother me because I know both of you I know both of you have a belief in God and I know that as long as you have that you'll be fine, you know, not everybody is going to have the same spirituality that you I mean it just you guys are a little bit different but like I say, I know that you believe in God and that's the most important thing. I can't even something. I don't know. Okay. All right in a higher power. All right. Okay. I definitely believe in God and Jesus Christ. So I'm glad that you're not disappointed. I'm not I've often wondered and I think it becomes more complicated because Dad is so anti religion and but is also a very spiritual and Incredibly a lot of person so growing up. It was really interesting especially going back to Seminary when I was in high school after not being active in the church and then just realizing finally that that

33:06 Religion just is not a place for me and I'm happy. I love people in to take care of people and to help them and I do that all the time and I do it because not just because it's the right thing to do but also because I really like it. I mean, it's nice to see that you can do something with the skills and talent you have and what I always wondered whether or not that was something that you just felt, you know, like you wished could have been different know. I really don't feel that way. I could have always wondered how you could be. So motivated in high school to do to go on your own when your dad or myself never suggested that you do it that you do, you know, take those classes or anything and it always kind of floored me that you you seemed really strong and then you changed from that but it didn't last very long. I mean, they didn't disappoint me. I just didn't understand but you know, I've done the same thing myself, so

34:05 I'll have to ask you no think about what I've done in my past and I never really tried to make it work for me because it is very powerful and it does make you feel very good but there were just some things that could never be reconciled with me and the fact that I had friends that were gay and they were just you know, not only were they treated poorly they were treated like animals and that kill it for me. And any good thing that religion didn't that point to me just was negated by the fact that people could could go and do this in the name of God in the name of religion and in the name of goodness and Holiness and

34:46 And so for there were yours R I was a little bit better about that. And now I think I don't really have any problems with that. I do feel very accepting of people as long as they're not intolerant and if they are then they're not people that I need to spend time with but I I feel actually kind of proud of myself, but I was able to get past that because Dad still never did and he still I don't know what it is that makes him so angry about it sometimes but I didn't really want to have that experience me know if you know, I'd rather just kind of accept people for being different and not worry about it, then carry around this little, you know Stone of of hatred with me for the rest of my life, bum.

35:26 I do want to ask you this is changing the subject a little bit. But what do you think of your little niece Ellie Sue? She is a total turd right now cuz she's too but I love her and she has the sweetest spirit and I just I love watching her. I love watching her with her mom and her dad cuz he just loves them so much and

35:50 It was great to see her. It's hard right now. I think when not being around her, you know to see if she and I were like we had a really great time and then it was really awkward and a great time and it was really awkward. But I just love right now that she's finding out who she is and she's exploring her boundaries. And if she doesn't want you to tickle her and then she throws her milk at the wall and has huge tantrum, but that's you have that's totally fine. But I just think she's beautiful and I love it when I look at her and I see you in her face and I see me in her face and I see Zack and Melissa and her face. I see her family and her face and that's one of the things I think of every time I look at her she's just such a beautiful girl and she's really smart and she's going to be really fun and she has two parents that love her.

36:36 More than anything else in this world.

36:39 She has a beautiful little girl for sure. I can't wait to see her again. I love to hear your voice. It just tears me right off. It's like a I need a little recording of it so I can play it every time I you know, I'm bummed out or something cuz it just

36:53 Cheers me right back up again. So just watch out cuz she'll put both of her hands on her face just like this and she'll just give you sweet little kisses and then she like slap you but she was a lot of fun on a trip and I love watching her see new things and get really excited about stuff like horses and we took her to the Garden of the Gods which is as beautiful Park in the Northwest part of Colorado Springs, and she was running around and see how to touch every Rock and see how to touch the fence in the tree and look at this bug and oh my gosh, there's a bird and I love that. I would really like to try to get back to sort of thing world.

37:34 30 year old dies every once in awhile, especially when I seems a little overwhelming.

37:40 Definitely

37:42 What do you think about her? Oh, I just think she's wonderful. I think she's beautiful. I think she's smart. I love to like I say, I love to hear your voice and I'm just so excited. You know that she's my granddaughter. So it's a it's almost a feeling that you can't really describe but I can't wait to see you again too, and I don't like it to the feeling to fade out. So yeah, I love her mullet her mileski totally has a mullet. We called it the flare mullet. Is that right there flare? Yes, cuz it flares out in the back, but they're not going to they're not going to get her hair cut or trying to hang in there. So still trying to let it grow that right? Okay long hair and she's getting tall.

38:27 Yeah, it's been really fun talking with you and asking you questions and finding a few things out and

38:34 Sharing a few things with you that you didn't know and I'm really glad it because I

38:41 How I understand our relationship really started in high school and it's always been framed by the problems that we've had in a relationship by you know, some of the the mental health issues by, you know, sometimes you're up and down but Dad and then you know him being remarried and and our own struggles to of us. So it's really great for me to know who you were at a time when everything was possible for you and I just really appreciate seeing that because you know it it's really easy to look at somebody and only see what you know about 4 to see what you think, you know about them and not have any sense of who they were or what they wanted or who they're even going to be and I really needed that.

39:29 Well good. I'm glad we did this. Me too.

39:32 And I would just like to congratulate you on record. So whoever does hear this and who especially everyone who knows you that you've just lost 50 pounds and you look fantastic. Thank you. Thanks. It was quite an accomplishment. All right. Thank you for doing this with your mom, I'm glad you I love you, too, and I'm glad you asked me. I love you more than you love me. Thank you. You're welcome.