Linda Diaz-Rivera-Cleveland and Michael Diaz-Rivera

00:06 I am Michael Diaz Rivera 23 years old today's date is October 3rd 2009 in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and I'm speaking to my mother.

00:17 My name is Linda Diaz Rivera Cleveland. I'm 46 years old today's date is October 3rd 2009. I'm in Colorado Springs, Colorado and I Michael moms.

00:30 All right, Mama Celeste, where you from?

00:37 All right, describe your parents for me. My father is Puerto Rican. He's from Puerto Rico obviously and he came to United States. He came to the United States. He was in the military. So my mom in a while, he was in the military. He didn't even speak English my mom's from Canada and she was in Washington state with raising her children at the time. She had two kids and I want her and my father first met they didn't know how to communicate except for just kind of most name things to each other.

01:12 So communication was non nonverbal at also.

01:20 What ways do you feel like you act like your parents?

01:25 I think mostly because I'm more strict with my father. My father was real strict when we were growing up and I think when I was raising my children, I was extremely strict. I wanted you guys to be the best that I could possibly make you and I most like my mom because I'm very loving and I think that I always put my kids before anything else because they're everything to me. What ways do you feel that you're different?

01:52 I think that I'm

01:57 I think I'm more because I was a single parent. I think that I'm in a lot of ways. I am different because I did everything by myself. So different from my father in the fact that not only did I push my kids but I believed in being there all the time for my kids with my mom. I think my mom and I were different in the in the ass by fit.

02:22 To put it nicely. I think I was.

02:25 More supportive not only loving but supportive I believe in encouraging more than I think my parents or my kids are encouraged more than they did and if I always pushed forward to make sure that they they believe in themselves.

02:40 What about me? Do you think I have any resemblance has with other Grandma and Grandpa? I think more my father. I think you're more stubborn more headstrong and anything that you set your mind to I believe that you can do it because you are so headstrong and you don't let anything get in your way.

03:00 And I see that a lot in my my father was like that.

03:05 Thank you. Well, so alright though your parents were great parents, of course cuz they ended up making you into a great parent and now I'm going to be a great man, but

03:21 You were forced to grow up that at a young age. Could you tell me a little bit about that?

03:28 I don't know that I was forced off of the young lady. I think I force myself to throw up because I was like my father as well as you kind of Headstrong and I don't want to listen to see what somebody else believes that I should do. I feel like I should do what I feel I should do so I force myself I moved out of my parents house at a young age, which meant that I had to pay my own bills and I had to not do with a lot of teenagers got to do I didn't get to run the streets and I didn't get to go out and party like they did cuz I had to worry about going to work the next day and pay my bills cuz I couldn't just go back home. My father wouldn't allow that so I would do things that you know, that made me grow up. I had to accept responsibility and then I start having children which meant that I had to take care of someone else besides myself so I can just be a child.

04:18 So would you say it was good and bad like a blessing and a curse or is it all bad or who I am today? If I hadn't done it the way I did it. I mean anybody else cuz I don't think everybody else is as strong as I am but definitely was a good thing for me a little bit about the hard times that you went through. Yeah, there was a time when when before I had my kids and I was living on my own and realize I couldn't pay my bills anymore and I live in my car for a week and I had nowhere to go and I Lady that I worked with allowed me to go into her house until I found a place to live and it was hard. I mean it was hard being by myself and not having anyone I could turn to part because I was too proud to let anybody know where I was at and part because I just didn't know how they would.

05:09 Receive it and I was I was ashamed of where I put myself in a position. I have put myself in so I lived in my car for a week and there was times when you know when I was young and I was 17 years old in my own my own apartment in my mom would sneak me groceries cuz you know, I can buy them.

05:27 So I mean I know what times when even with children, I mean, I remember when you and your brother and sister were in middle school and we lived off of $22 a week on groceries because we didn't have money for groceries and we made too much money for the system to help us and it was hard because I seen other people doing things that I couldn't afford to do with you guys and I seen times when I wanted to do things for you guys that we just couldn't afford but I think that made us who we are.

05:55 What so what would you say was your main pushing point to get you through all that and I got to say I do admire you so much for that money because even when I was real young, I remember being a substrate and know and I wanted to be a mom be in heaven husband wasn't something I ever.

06:14 Imagine I mean it wasn't something that was in my plans haven't husband wasn't a big issue but having kids is always important to me. I always wanted to be a mom and so having kids and wanted to be the best mom that I could be with everything to me. I mean, that was my version of success is knowing that I raised wonderful people.

06:34 What's up? What are some of the qualities you think that you hold that help you get through all of that. Also, I think the fact that I've always been a very responsible person has it has been a big issue because I've never wanted to depend on anybody but myself. So even even when I was married, it was never something that I allowed with somebody else to take care of me. I always carry my own weight and knowing that I had children and you know, I never wanted them to think that you ever should depend on anybody but yourself always has to come first.

07:13 So do you think if I don't think I've ever had a struggle that hard in my life, but you think if I were in that type of situation I would be able to make it and what a my qualities. If so that I would prefer if you don't think so. What would what would be my selling point with you one as I think that could you survive if you ever were in the position? Yes, because I think that you have determination probably more than anybody else. I know.

07:46 Because I know that you will find a way to make life work even through all the obstacles you always find a way to make it work as far as failure. I think that sometimes that you look for the easy way out.

08:01 And it's not always the right way out.

08:04 But I know that I know that if you really put your mind to it you can find the right way, but I did sometimes because you want the easy way out. You do look for those easy way out.

08:13 So I not well obviously not to me but say there was another young woman going through the struggles that you went at those times. What were some things you be able to tell her to maybe give her advice?

08:29 I think I would another young lady that was going to the same thing. I would tell her reach way inside herself recent of her own heart and look for the things that she knows. She can do not always worry about the things that she can do. Cuz sometimes those are the things that we allowed to drive us down. But look inside your heart and say, you know what I know what I can do and look for the things that you can do and you do well because if you find the things that you do love all the things that you don't you don't seem as as Bith so minimize the Smalls and accentuate the base, you know, and everybody can succeed in something you just have to find out what you can succeed in.

09:07 So do you think what about me and you what do you think the causes you passed on to me?

09:16 I think determination I think determination I think because you have see me struggle I think because you have see me struggle. I don't I don't think that you're going to cuz you have the same determination. You're not to let anybody stand in your way. And even when you struggle you still keep pushing forward we get frustrated and sometimes we feel like giving up but we don't.

09:40 So named but I say five qualities about me like just specific names and five five good ones and five bad.

09:50 Seigerman's your humor

09:53 Your determination

09:57 Your honesty sometimes to a fault.

10:04 I want to say maybe.

10:08 Your cleanliness cuz you are a clean person and I appreciate that number 5.

10:14 And I think you're thriftiness.

10:17 Cuz you're not you're not a waste of money, and I appreciate that. You're you're Falls. I think sometimes you try to take care of too many people.

10:26 And I think that. Kind of hold you back sometimes.

10:33 I don't know your false so much. I think sometimes you fall into the wrong crabs.

10:39 I think you let other people influence you where you shouldn't.

10:44 Other than that, I don't know that I did ask her.

10:48 Tunic sent but not much.

10:53 All right. So what about was kind of stunned subject to switch a little bit. If someone were to change their pass their personality wanted to do something like that. Do you think it's possible if they really believe in anything? I think you could do anything if you really believe in it, but you have to really want it.

11:12 How would you say like would be the best way to do that? I think that if somebody really believes and they keep moving forward. They have to just keep pushing. I mean some people tend to say I want to make changes and then they do it one day and then they feel that if I don't succeed every single day they stop but even if you follow you have to get back up and keep moving, you know, that was saying, you know, if you fall off a horse get back up and I think that you would like to do that in life, you know, if you if you fall sometimes we all fall then you just have to keep moving forward just take the next day or the new start. Just remember every day is a new start don't don't look back at yesterday.

11:53 So what's one quote that you could tell me or that always stand strong in your heart that helps you get through the struggles of everyday life. The one quote that I always think of you whenever I'm having a bad day is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger because it's the struggles that make tomorrow, but okay cuz you always look back and say you know what? I've already done this. I've already accomplished something even harder than that. So today is just a small so it'll do you know about the moving everything his mom always said life is like a box of chocolates. If you can make a call like that life is like a what

12:39 I don't know maybe.

12:41 I don't think his name was Forrest Gump was it I think maybe life is like

12:50 Is like a set of seasonings everyone takes a little bit different.

12:54 Alex crazy but I like it. So what what's your biggest fear in life? Because if I fail, I mean, I'd live long enough that if I feel like I know where I'm going, but if I see anybody else failed in his then it's a double fell for you for me because not only have I failed in raising my children, but now I've got to watch them fail and deal with what they're FiOS.

13:23 Do you what is success?

13:27 The same thing it's just me and my children succeed see my grandchildren succeed and knowing that when they get older in life that they're going to be able to take care of themselves, even when I'm long gone, and I don't have to worry about it anymore.

13:40 What's your biggest dream then?

13:43 My biggest fear you my biggest dream is to watch my kids grow up and watch myself and and everybody succeed and be able to take vacations and be able to to move on with life and not have to worry about tomorrow's bills and to watch worried about how things are going to happen to know that you know, if anything that happens that everybody in my life is going to be okay. They're going to be alright.

14:06 So you as a mother what is something that's always will not always overlooked but easily overlooked myself.

14:15 Because a lot of times when you're raising children, what you do is you tend to forget how to take care of yourself. And so what happens is I mean for the last 20 something years is that I've forgotten how to live. I forgot how to be me and so everything that I do I do because I need to make sure this person's taken to ever that person taken care of and not necessarily that I'm taking care of and so the things that I needed in my life to succeed and grow Heaven place on the back burner. So now that I'm looking back on my life is still done things and we could have all had instead of you know, making sure just certain things are taken care of.

14:56 What about you as a friend?

14:58 Me as a friend that's overlooked easily.

15:04 I don't know. I think I make a pretty good friend. You as a daughter. What was something that maybe was taken for granted or

15:22 Taken for granted. I don't know I think other daughter because

15:28 I always try to please other people and so I think that sometimes I once again I put myself on the back burner and I think that was a huge issue for me. But I think that's where you get that from Return to take take care of other people before we take care of ourselves. So even I mean, I remember times when there was things that I needed to do the things that I wanted to do, but because I knew somebody else expected something of me. I took care of that as opposed to what I really wanted to do or take care of or what I needed to do or take care of

16:03 I mean, I remember there was times when

16:08 I just mostly as a mother when I'll be invited to do something and the kids will want to do something and instead of me doing what I felt like cuz even taken just time out for myself. I'll put it on the back burner then I kind of regret it afterwards because it's feels like there was no time for me and I felt like sometimes I regretted the things that I hate the decisions I have made because I I didn't take any time out for myself. There was no personal time.

16:41 I saw a big light on to your creative side say you had to sell me as a son would you design and what would it say?

17:00 Basically, the Communists are coming and they're buying the kids and you have to tell me.

17:15 Well, that's really hard. I think basically I would put on a billboard.

17:23 I'm not going to put a price cuz I don't know what price I would sell you for maybe to the highest seller, but maybe a very determined young man. Very hard-working young man.

17:40 I don't know.

17:42 I don't know very creative very thoughtful very loving.

17:48 Very hard headed

17:50 We have to go in there, but I can't think of anything else.

17:56 I love you to ask you what your billboard for you would be if you had to say yourself, but I think I wanted to take this on my own but I think I put you number one in like a running position cuz me you're always running around and even though you have like well since you have the motherly life where you're always humble taking care of somebody don't get to be all loud and crazy. I'd have to fold them into that at first I put bright colors get their attention.

18:25 And I don't know I'd say loyal strong.

18:34 I don't know.

18:36 Loyal strong

18:41 Fearless Fearless, definitely

18:47 So

18:49 What?

18:54 What could you tell me to keep from going in to any struggles and I will wear my life is today. It could either go worse or better. What could you tell me to get it keep on the better path?

19:09 Plan, what would be something that would cause me to go to the worst?

19:14 As far as going to the bed, I think I would tell you plan for tomorrow. Always remember that the money that you have today isn't guaranteed tomorrow. So always put aside for tomorrow so that if something ever comes up you have back up so you don't have to resort to the ways it that you know, you don't need to do.

19:32 You know, I work hard because nothing is given to you and those who work the hardest get the the best rewards.

19:43 Know that the struggles that you face today.

19:48 Are there museums that you can look on tomorrow and appreciate because those are the ones that make you the strongest?

19:56 For failures to stay away from him, you know right from wrong.

20:01 Thanks, man.

20:07 What?

20:11 I don't know what

20:13 If I would have a kid today, do you think I would be a good parent?

20:18 I think you'd be hard. I think you if I think of you.

20:22 Mother's than most people do and I think as far as being a father.

20:29 And I think you would be a good father. I mean cuz you know how to love and you know how to entertain and I think you know how to be stretch when you have to be stripped.

20:38 My only concern is that you'd be to strip sometimes.

20:42 Because I think that you expect a lot from others and you you would expect a lot from a child.

20:47 So you just have to keep that in perspective.

20:50 You got any questions for me?

20:59 Volume up

21:01 I don't think if I had a kid today. I don't think I'll be able to be a good father. I think I'm a little too selfish about myself right now even do that. And I think that that kind of makes me sad cuz I haven't gotten that from you. I see how you can just put yourself on the back burner and worry about everyone else's needs and those sometimes I will try to take care of people most of the time I stood at myself and consideration.

21:33 Connecting but the good thing is I will I think that is one good thing at the same time. It's a good thing that I do care about people so much and probably by not having you as a mother. I might not have been the same man.

21:49 But I think that once you have your own child is different, it's different when you take care of other people's kids then when you take care of your own because you realize that's a part of you.

21:59 Send me some difference different taking care of somebody else's kids.

22:04 Grandma didn't get any with you.

22:15 Formed who you are today when I was growing up. My father was a very strict disciplinarian. I mean, I remember growing up and he used to do white glove inspections when we were children. He used to actually go underneath our beds after we clean our rooms on Saturdays with a white glove like we were in the military and if there was any just under the bed, he will pull everything out of the closets and everything. That means that they're completely redo our rooms before we even leave the house and I think my father was probably a lot stricter on me than I was then he was anybody else my mom and dad maybe because I had a different mannerism. I was a little bit more headstrong and the others were and the

23:05 You know, I fought back hurting more than anybody else did but I also succeeded I think in my opinion more than anybody else did it. I'm even when my my mother passed away and I talked to my oldest brother that I almost never talk to you. I remember him saying Linda if anybody in this family is going to do it as one of you and that's what I say to you Michael if anybody knows family is going to do it is going to be you and I remember

23:29 Believe in that and I still do believe it and I I've always believed. I mean even when I do things now, I can still hear and see my father and I know that I have to still please him because I know that he believed in me, even though he never really said a lot because they didn't know first a lot but I still remember seeing their faces and knowing that that I had met approval with them. I remember my mom when I was growing up. She we know whenever we did anything she was always there, but she wasn't real big to cheer or anything like that. We always she was just there and so

24:06 I just kind of wanted more and I guess I always wanted more from both of my parents. And so I was always striving to succeed for both of them. And I just I don't know I guess I was wondering where saw it when I had kids. I was wanting to make sure that you heard me on the sidelines and you knew I was there and I always participated whenever possible so that my mom was quite offset for my father. So my father he was super strength. We were never allowed to wear lip gloss. We weren't allowed to talk on the phone. Even when I was in high school makeup was absolutely forbidden boyfriends were absolutely forbidden and my mom on the other hand would sleep.