Lindsay Walters and Teri Walters

00:03 My name is Lindsay Walters. I'm 35 years old today is September 1st 2014. We are in Grand Rapids, Michigan and I am here with my mom Terry and my name is Teri Walters and I'm 56. Today is September 1st 2014 and I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan with my daughter Lindsay.

00:30 The first question I want to ask you is do you remember when you decided that you were going to move to New York?

00:43 You're starting earlier than I thought you would.

00:51 I'm trying to think.

00:58 Probably

01:03 Earlier that year

01:06 But I think

01:10 Like in my mind, I always thought I'd like to move that. I would want to be engaged. That was always stuck in my mind.

01:20 But I don't remember like the moment.

01:26 But I knew I was going to move that I wanted to move.

01:33 Maybe that's spring.

01:36 Before I got sick before you got sick.

01:41 Or maybe I just thought that that would be

01:46 Like if we were going to be together, I would have to move.

01:52 Do you remember that morning when you were going to move out there to New York and I came to the house then?

02:05 I knew right away that you didn't want to move because you had nothing packed. Your house wasn't picked up or organized and it was the first thing I said when I walked in the door is you don't have to go.

02:23 And I don't remember you saying that.

02:33 I kept trying to get there.

02:36 Give me a pitch for at least 2 weeks to help you pack and even Aunty Meredith and you kept saying nope. I've got it under control. I've got it under control and when I walked in the door, I knew you didn't have it under control.

02:55 And I didn't want to go.

03:01 But I think at that point I felt like I had to go.

03:08 And some we made an amazing time act up and loaded up in there and that U-Haul. I know you're on the road by about 4, and it was early afternoon because we stayed with Grandma and Grandpa that night light.

03:29 Do you remember how you felt when you were driving out there?

03:36 I was okay.

03:38 Until I found out about the fleas.

03:44 That his dog had fleas Department had fleas then.

03:51 That's when you lost it when I had a meltdown.

04:02 And then once once you were out there.

04:05 And

04:08 Got settled in and found a job.

04:12 What was that like?

04:20 I don't think I ever felt so cold.

04:24 It was very important for me to find a job.

04:30 I was so used to.

04:33 Taking care of myself and I had a management position and

04:41 And I had my own home.

04:48 I probably rushed to find a job. I felt like I needed to contribute in some way.

04:56 And I felt very much like I was like going back to just being a teller at gotten.

05:05 And when I would call I could tell that you weren't happy.

05:11 And sometimes I felt like you were avoiding me and my calls because you wouldn't answer but I would still leave a message and you would call back and there was there was no expression in your voice. I could tell you were very unhappy.

05:31 And your dad and I came out the end of January that you're to see you.

05:39 And to see the farm because that was important.

05:43 For Brian

05:45 And

05:50 When we got there, I remember coming into the the kitchen and say wow. I love what you've done to the place.

06:00 And you said really looks great. I cannot I could only imagine what it looked like before you got there. And but then I was also told that

06:14 That I had just been done.

06:17 Just a few days before Dad and I got there.

06:22 So what made you not want to make it your own space?

06:30 I remember before working.

06:35 Like kind of like going to town and then like cleaning things up because everything was just so dirty and especially the countertops you don't like making them white again and you know, really like clean to my down cupboards then.

06:50 Doing things like that. I think I felt it sound like it was such a small space.

07:00 And then probably for Brian it was just more of a place to eat and sleep. We're going to the farm was more important then.

07:10 For me, it's always been very important to decorate it since you know what to make make things homey.

07:19 So you got there in October the 8th of October when you moved and of September end of September.

07:28 And then we came out to see you at the end of January. Yeah, did you while you and plus you came for Thanksgiving? Yes that you're too so I'm good.

07:41 And was it a mutual agreement?

07:46 Between you and Brian that you would go off birth control.

07:50 Yes.

07:53 And did the nutritionist

07:57 Did she encourage you to go off birth control? And she said it was a good thing because of all the extra.

08:06 Junk that's in the pills are done.

08:09 I think in my mind, I thought it would take my body so long to adjust.

08:19 Because I had taken it since I was a teenager for my. So, I just thought it would take if I were to ever get pregnant it would take a long time for my body to regulate into a Dustbin to get out of that and that's what they tell you to. Yes, like 6 months before you get pregnant or plan on waiting in the rain for everything too. So were you pregnant when Dad and I were there I was did you know it not until I think you left that Sunday. I found out that Monday evening.

08:49 And that's because you took a home pregnancy test.

08:53 Think about 5

08:56 But you kind of knew something was up when we were there because I kind of knew something was going on I did.

09:04 At that point, I think I probably was in denial a little bit like it had been a week.

09:10 Where I'm at. Should have come and I was late and I would go to the library on my lunch hours than Google.

09:18 Symptoms symptoms of pregnancy help

09:25 Yeah, I know that was February and I think people talk about how they make just know that they're pregnant and I think I died.

09:36 How did Brian feel when you're told them or when you took the test together?

09:45 And I think you knew too. He was honestly more calm than I was.

09:50 I was kind of like well, how did this happen? We're obviously we know how it happened but

09:56 I just remember being very like oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, because I'm such a planner.

10:06 So that was February.

10:10 End of January beginning of February, right? I think it was like the last weekend that we came out wasn't at the bottom and I was

10:20 And I can remember you calling and being so excited will not necessarily being excited. But saying there's something I need to tell you to remember what I said.

10:35 You're pregnant.

10:39 And it was like, oh my gosh. How did you know it's like well, I'm your mother right? I remember you laughing too. I think it was.

10:51 You were worried about my reaction.

10:55 You were an adult a grown woman?

11:04 If you were happy, I was happy.

11:16 But I also had had that fear of you weren't married yet. Right and I knew that there was really no commitment.

11:30 But I was happy for you because you were happy.

11:34 And then before before Rhoda and Kelton went back to Wisconsin, it was important for you to come home and meet Kelton who was born in January for your nephew.

11:50 And you came for a long weekend?

11:53 Valentine weekend President's Day weekend President's Day weekend cuz we would have been closed that Monday is like I took time to come.

12:06 And that was February right? Like I would have been that probably third cuz I know the President's Day would have been the third Monday Tuesday around the 20th right now.

12:17 And I remember.

12:21 When you got back to New York, everything went South I did.

12:27 To remember what was said when you got home.

12:32 I remember when I left.

12:34 That I was

12:36 And remember if there was I think I might have been a snowstorm of the weather was bad, especially like the further north. We drew drove to the train station.

12:45 Daiwa BG leaving

12:48 And I wasn't I wasn't worried. I was going to miss my train and

12:52 So I know about that.

12:56 I wasn't positive toward Brian and then when I got back, I think he had been talking a lot.

13:04 With his mom and maybe even his the ends.

13:08 And and I was extremely unhappy. I'm sure I was depressed.

13:20 And I can't remember exactly how many days went by.

13:26 Because at first I was just

13:29 Lindsay you're not happy here.

13:33 You know, I really think you should move back.

13:38 But then also turned into and before you go back you need to have an abortion.

13:44 And Brian said that yes.

13:48 And when did his mom and his aunt get involved in that I never saw his auntie. He's stayed with her.

13:58 I honestly think he talked with them.

14:01 Or at least his mom while I was gone.

14:05 It may be staying with his aunt. I hope to feel that I think she was comparing.

14:11 How our relationship wasn't working out to her past relationship.

14:18 I really don't know what what words were spoken by her but his mom to come over to try in.

14:25 Convince me because she had a friend. Yes. I even talked to one of her friends who it had an abortion.

14:34 And I don't believe they had any children.

14:40 Or she married to the person if they remarried.

14:45 Who got pregnant who she had an abortion with? Yes?

14:51 So now we're moving into March.

14:55 End of February beginning of March

15:00 And

15:02 Do you remember calling me and telling me that you didn't have any other options that you had to have an abortion?

15:11 I do I remember.

15:16 Feeling very alone.

15:20 Like no one

15:24 Who is supposed to be?

15:27 Supportive of me where I was currently living was being supportive.

15:34 And I remember thinking.

15:37 Because I've Been Told.

15:40 You know what just to say that you had a miscarriage happens all the time. And so I remember thinking about Lisa story.

15:52 Of what I can tell people because nobody people knew I was pregnant, but I knew that you know me so well that you wouldn't happen to know that wasn't true.

16:13 How old are you?

16:15 Because I felt like something needs to know what's going on.

16:22 Talk to someone.

16:28 And I'm so glad you did.

16:37 Whenever the check the pressure would come before.

16:42 What do you need to have an abortion and then?

16:45 Making the appointment so it always happened over the weekend when I was home. And then it was kind of my first there were two Mondays. So I called you in the first Monday. I think I had already.

16:58 Schedule to the appointment for the abortion, but then called you.

17:06 Do you remember?

17:08 How you felt?

17:12 When you were so far away and you told me that you had to have an abortion.

17:18 I remember how I felt.

17:24 Having had an abortion.

17:27 When I was a young woman thinking that that was my only choice.

17:34 And if I would have had somebody told me.

17:37 That it's not your only choice that you have options.

17:45 I possibly would have done something different.

17:50 How I wanted you to know that you had options that abortion wasn't your only option and it was important for me to call you back and tell you.

18:06 But if your dad and I had to over with in life, we would have done it differently.

18:17 And that's why I also told you you also had an ultrasound scheduled.

18:24 And I said keep your ultrasound appointment. And you said all you will you would and I start in call me after.

18:34 And I remember you calling me and you were just so excited. So elated that oh my gosh Mom. It's a perfectly formed human being I saw her hands and her fingers and her toes and her little nose. It's just like mine.

18:59 I remember I remember that day. It was a Tuesday and I have the day off of work.

19:06 And I remember just leaving that morning. I had I think I nutrition appointment first and then had my ultrasound but I just stayed away from the house.

19:17 And it was actually very very peaceful.

19:21 And

19:25 When I got to the hospital though, ultrasound area was downstairs. And I remember the elevator is stopping and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't get stuck in the elevator not today, but something happened and it started working again. And I thought that would just be my perfect luck and I remember the gal who did my ultrasound she was just so lovely and so perky and honestly at first it was just like if you were going in for

19:55 They know something was wrong and they were just checking out. You don't like your ovary is in your uterus. Then I know she was just checking everything out and I was just hanging out and then she's like, okay. Are you ready? And I and I never I will never forget that the feeling.

20:16 Because when you're pregnant that early you don't feel anything other than some of the symptoms, but you don't feel that there's a little person inside of you. So just seeing her screen.

20:33 Annoying life inside of me

20:38 What's the best gift ever?

20:45 Then I remember dad and I weren't home and it was a Thursday evening. And you call Dad's cell phone and said well.

20:55 I just got home and all of my belongings have been loaded up on a moving van and they were waiting for me to get home. So they could load my car up. They're going to load me. They're going to ship me home on a bus and I'll be there tomorrow at 6.

21:12 I'll be there in East Lansing.

21:15 Do you remember that?

21:18 I had a hair appointment after work, and we were open later on Thursday evenings to begin with.

21:25 So I didn't get home until Kasia probably with 8 or after.

21:32 And I think the original plan was just on me home on the train, but there wasn't enough time to get to the train station. And I remember pulling into the driveway thinking that I had saw that it was dark, but all the lights are on but then when I got out of my car there were lights on so that was kind of bizarre to me. And as soon as I walked into the kitchen, like it just looks so bare because like all of the decorations were gone and the dining room table and chairs, but I remember Brian standing in the kitchen, and he said I've tried to help you.

22:09 And I remember her saying right away. You have not been trying to help me you were trying to make me have an abortion.

22:17 And

22:20 I think it's like a

22:21 Get out of my mouth was where are my cats?

22:26 Tilian. But because you wouldn't have an abortion. They shipped you back to Michigan and all of the names on the moving van. And then because I missed the train took me to the Greyhound station, which took me cash at least went 24 hours to get home. My my stuff got home before I die.

22:52 I remember feeling like I was so surreal.

22:57 And just being so like sleep deprived to cuz you know you're at

23:03 Sitting up cuz I'm the bus stations you had to sit and wait there is a delay. So you're just like hanging out and

23:11 They gave me money for the bus ticket.

23:14 Fat that was also no. Thankfully. I had some money of my own to buy food and water but

23:24 It was just bizarre.

23:28 Kind of like

23:31 Like I was in a bad dream.

23:35 Were you worried about?

23:38 Meeting us at the bus station.

23:45 I don't think I was that worried. I just don't know what you would say.

23:53 I just feel like such a burden on you and Dad and who gets the shipped home.

24:03 Who created money I didn't ease your life and people in my corner.

24:16 Because I remember you telling me that.

24:22 You know that you could I could stay with you and Dad and that's exactly what I wanted to be here.

24:31 Do you remember what I said?

24:36 Spell remember.

24:38 Waiting for you and you got there at the station East looking thing and you welcome home to the people who love you.

24:51 It was so sad to see you standing there with your

24:57 Red coat that you would gotten from

25:01 Salvation Army thrift store and your little bags that they had packed for me if they are tabs for you things. I didn't even need.

25:16 And I remember your dad say well, I'll go with you too. And I said no, I'd just like to go and get her by myself.

25:24 Just have that time with her.

25:27 So that was a Friday evening.

25:30 And I have been at home on medical leave for 10 months and I was just going to go back to work and that Monday morning as I was leaving. I remember saying okay. I'm heading back to work and your full-time job is to find a job. I remember that that time right now to Me Like Somebody time went by but it was really it was a month before and then when I started my new job and like I remember meeting Nancy for the first time meeting with her right after I got home and

26:10 And I went into applying for jobs, of course then doing interviews, but it mean I found a job so fast and it was such a huge blessing and to find out that there were adoptive moms and adoptive grandparents there. And after you felt like you needed to share your story because you were starting to show. All right, like you were pregnant and you came home and said I I need to tell them and I said, then you just go up and tell your HR Manager.

26:44 And don't understand and could you could you even have imagined the support that you had?

26:53 I remember being so nervous because

26:58 I don't even know what it's like to tell your employer and a normal situation, you know, and by the way, I'm pregnant which I know it's perfectly okay, but I didn't know whatever goes through their mind. Okay, you're going to be off for a few weeks then so I had to tell them I'm pregnant and I'm choosing an adoption plan for my daughter and I remember Linda Telling Me Lindsey know a couple of my grandchildren are adopted and then when I told my manager about what I was deciding to do, she said I had a friend when I was in high school who you know, she chose an adoption plan for her son who it turns out we ended up knowing and and just learning about all the ad if the different adoptive parents that I work with and

27:48 And just overall sharing.

27:51 My story and how people would open up and say, you know how they were connected with adoption.

28:01 And then

28:05 The adoptive parents

28:08 Wer

28:11 Supportive of you that the parents that you chose for your daughter.

28:17 Who they named violet?

28:20 And

28:23 If anything happened if you had to have a C-section you wanted your mom to be in the delivery room with you. Do you remember going into labor and

28:40 Delivering Violet I do.

28:45 Part of choosing an adoption plan is doing your hospital plan. So, of course, I was very supportive of them being there with me and you know during the delivery, but if it did come down to the section, you can only have one person. So of course, you know, I chose I want my mom to be with me and I remember I remember staying home from work that Tuesday just because I felt a little like this wasn't feeling that great and like something was a little off but nothing happened and then it was that Wednesday morning that I actually started having contractions then

29:19 I remember being like okay, you know this is it and being I don't know if I was really nervous but more of the probably overly eager to get to the hospital in hindsight now, I probably could have stayed home a lot longer than I did but I remember being

29:39 Trying to beat you all officiants in timing my contractions and everything. Okay, we can go now and I'm calling calling pilot stopped at parents to say, you know, give me at meet me at the hospital and to remember why you chosen adoption plant.

29:58 I think from

30:03 Well, you were a huge you gave that to me as my aunt, you know an option and

30:09 Honestly, and I think this happens with a lot of people who aren't educated about adoption as you have misconceptions about birth mothers and about what goes into an adoption plan. And so I think initially I was concerned that she would be floating around out there like waiting for someone to pick her and I never wanted her to feel like no no never wanted her.

30:36 But then learning shoes.

30:41 Juicer Berenson

30:45 Lindsay from the very beginning it was never about me.

30:51 Always wanted what was the best?

30:57 And I never wanted.

31:00 I never wanted it to be.

31:05 Cunningham from burden

31:11 They wanted her to have things that that money could never buy I wanted her to self to parents son of ham weight.

31:22 You know what I want, but she has a sibling and

31:38 I just I wanted her to have.

31:43 More than what I could give her specially that time, especially with an uncertain future.

31:53 You've done amazing things since

31:57 Pilots been born

32:00 Your work especially with adoptive moms. Can can you tell excuse me? Birth? Mom not adopted. Mom. Mom butt.

32:15 I remember when you first got back your first question for Nancy was is there a support group? Yes.

32:25 And yeah, she said no, there isn't a support group right now, but let me see what I can do, and I honestly think it was just based on the interest of

32:35 The birth mothers that she had at the time in or are you interested in a support group and she had two birth moms that were due in June so our very first meeting

32:48 Was actually it ended up being the day before one of the girls gave birth to her daughter and

32:56 I'm so thankful that

32:59 I asked a question because now here in over two years later. We're still meeting and we have

33:06 You're two of us that have been there 100 really three.

33:12 And then another came to us. How about a year later? And then we have two more girls that are coming on a consistent basis. So the fact that it's evolving and consumes continuing to grow. I think it's really great.

33:29 Tonight and I'm happy to share my story and

33:33 Especially, you know in today's world. I think it's very important not to be silent.

33:43 And for

33:47 Women who may potentially tooth adoption for their child to know to know that there are other birth mothers out there and

33:57 So they're not alone and that are educated about what is involved in that decision.

34:07 Would you do anything different?

34:11 No, because then she wouldn't be here.

34:17 And I noticed she is here for a reason.

34:24 She's beautiful.

34:27 I was her sister.

34:34 We loved being Nana and Papa.

34:37 Very thankful for that.

34:42 I remember reading their profile.

34:45 And that they were open ever that they were open to open grandparents hang and I remember thinking that was so wonderful because I didn't want

34:58 Dad

35:00 15 never know

35:03 Thank you. I thought you were a gift.

35:06 Even though it's a work in progress.

35:09 And I think open this is very much a work in progress.

35:14 For everyone

35:18 I remember thinking it was going to be all like perfect and lovely and it spend definitely Ave.

35:26 Cover Journey that I wouldn't have imagined but

35:32 I've never met.

35:34 A birth mom who didn't always know who her child's parents were supposed to be in it, and I don't know how to explain it, but you just know.

35:45 I need to find out if that.

35:56 Define

35:59 More important for you and

36:02 And the time after your daughter's birth.

36:05 One of the most probably one of the biggest things for me was hearing the girls that delivered it a few months before me to share their feelings of how they felt afterward and I remember thinking I will never feel this way. My my my story and my situation is so different but it's it wasn't and a lot of those same feelings I went through and even though I get the birth mothers that I meet now or enthrall in different stages.

36:33 But there's no other women in the world who completely understand what it feels like to go through all those emotions and to go through that grief process.

36:44 Anything just

36:47 That weird we have that common.

36:52 That common Bond and that common.

36:57 Experience even though every experience and story is different, but there's still that that core common.

37:04 You know, sometimes if somebody else hear something in the you know, yeah.

37:09 Don't understand because they felt exactly that way and

37:14 I remember even better walk on Saturday that one of the girls was describing something and

37:24 You know. Go back or white remember you saying something in our meeting, you know, and now I know what you mean and just having that comment that coming story and it is only as it may sound we love sharing. Our birth stories are labor and delivery stories knowing we have that common.

37:43 Not not every woman has that experience then we we all have that and you know, this is what my experience was fun.

37:51 Yeah, and at your meetings whenever somebody new comes in or along you all have an opportunity to share your story with that person and when it comes to you sharing your story.

38:08 Everyone always says, oh we don't hear this wait until you hear that. You're not going to believe this.

38:17 Do you feel this whole experience?

38:21 Has made you stronger?

38:25 More Independence

38:28 More compassionate

38:31 What what are some of the words that you would use?

38:40 I looked through life.

38:43 A look at life through a different lens and it is it's it's definitely a more.

38:50 I think I've always been a compassionate person but

38:53 Stone a bit more reserved and I think

38:59 Going through this whole experience has made me.

39:05 The person I am today and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

39:10 I'm definitely more confident. I'm definitely more when I think about doing things I think of for why couldn't I do this, you know?

39:19 And the things that I do

39:23 In the choices that I make I always think of

39:28 That you know, I have all these visit, you know little people in my life. Now that will look up to me and and I want to be a positive role model for them also.

39:43 But it does give you more kind of a

39:46 A confidence and more independent spirit and like why why not me?

39:53 Why couldn't I do this?

39:58 So that's

40:00 Maybe why you decided to go on and get your MBA? I know I think whatever started well in like getting my Master's Degree has always been something that I wanted to do, but then changing into my MBA and then knowing that I love what I'm doing and

40:21 Knowing that

40:26 Those core things that have become a part of me are actually positive qualities for the business world. So I'm really excited excited to start that journey and I feel like the sky is the limit and

40:39 I can do anything that I want to.

40:42 Call your dad and I couldn't love you any more than what we've always loved you. Then the first time we laid eyes on you.

40:51 Amazing young woman and I wouldn't be I wouldn't be here without you and Dad and without your love and support and

41:01 My journey would not have been the same without you.

41:05 And even though your story seems tragic, it's really a beautiful story and more people deserve to hear at.

41:16 Thank you for sharing. Thank you.