James Goldsmith and Mary Catherine Hess

00:03 My name is Mary Catherine Hess. I'm 39 years old today is November 28th 2014 in Dallas, Texas and I am here with my husband. James Glen Goldsmith.

00:18 I'm James Glen Goldsmith to go buy Plan 38 your soul. Today's date is November 28th 2014 on Dallas, Texas and my Catherine's my wife.

00:35 Oh goodness. So so I wanted us to come here today cuz I really wanted to have people hear your story of having had The Strokes.

00:47 So how old were you when you had your first stroke?

00:51 And I to the first one was on November 7th of 2008 and the second one was on, February 4th 2009.

01:04 What caused the stroke so I have a blood disorder? Call Factor V Leiden?

01:10 It's a what they called anti quagga bility disorder with your blood does not clot. Well your blood clots too too quickly.

01:24 And so how does that cause a stroke? So the type of Strokes I had were the name of the boat was called the basically a blood clot would go to my brain it would cut off blood supply to brain and

01:37 Those parts of the brain would shut down or shocked start replied in some of some of them die.

01:45 Did you know you had Factor V prior to your store? Didn't know I had it on the first stroke. I found out about the second experience like having a stroke so.

01:59 Both of them happen in the morning. I was asleep and I was in bed in the Hat between 5:30 and 6 a.m. At something, you know, I'll just the stroke me up when it was occurring. And remember. The first one is I roll different bed.

02:18 And it felt like the whole bed was like a 45 degree angle. So I

02:25 Kind of rolled over into the back of my previous wife and I was with her at the time so I actually pulled her in the back and put my elbow and I was like want to go to apologize for doing that cuz it was pretty hard shell. I said I was sorry, but it came out wrong and I knew something was up and at this point the room is spinning but not like spinning when you're drunk while the room spins. Horizontally is Marco's doing somersaults.

02:56 Like I can't even imagine what that would be like.

03:01 So your first stroke, how long did it take you to recover from that one? So I was in the hospital for 3 days for that when I was a relatively moderate one.

03:14 I for me the one the first one. I finally got to the hospital. The things that the hospitals have one of these go to the bathroom and at this point, I just lost control of those muscles. I couldn't go where they're just locked up tighter than everything. So they were like threatening me with catherization and stuff like that, encouragement go and I remember it was like I was at the hospital for a good whatever member I don't know if this is true or not, but but remember like 6 or 7 hours and I probably went cuz if it brought a sonogram up and Sonic in my bladder and you had a leader of urine inside of you is

03:54 And I finally hit you know people at the time was blocked would get out of the room and why okay, you have a bedside toilet. So you get over there and go to the bathroom and but there's still some express it go. I guess they call that pee shy I was very shy and I didn't go

04:15 And that is bladder shy and I finally had talk when the nurses public against her orders that give me out of bed and walk me to the bathroom side light with a hold on the walls and, monkey crawl or a spider crawl spider walk down in there and

04:34 And I actually went to the bathtub so happy.

04:38 Cuz I was seeing yellow this time for like 20 hours to fly someone to the bathroom and so on.

04:45 After that experience is like I know the pressure was relieved and and I remember the lot of good things that happened right after that as far as how I can know kind of keep my balance. Songs, like walk the circle of at the hospital and ended things of this nature. So I guess meet finally going to the bathroom is like the first step of recovery. And the first text I have the same problem. I have had some problem and actually had a catheter cuz it was a lot more severe.

05:18 And I remember it was Giannis at the light. You know, I hold a whole didn't have not going they probably had to put a catheter in me. And so how's that relief and

05:34 But yeah, I was pretty much kept to sleep as at the hospital and days and then I went to an Inpatient Rehab for a teen.

05:49 South Seminole Hospital total 26 days well patient care facilities 33 at the time 32 33 was kind of boring.

06:18 At that point, cuz you know, especially after the second stroke had no filter at this point. So whatever I felt is what I showed the ve Minh angry being sad and frightened cell was very I was I was like,

06:37 We are parents took me out of the hospital is done and they will admit me into a inpatient facility that my insurance would pay for it and so is like

06:49 My from Texarkana Texas to the hospital. They are to the pair of sex the old Off Lease of Guatemalan working at work. And so was like they drop me off there and they laughed and I was scared to death.

07:04 In alone. So yeah, I did not want to be very want to go home.

07:13 And I see you were there for 18 days. Yes. And what was it like when you went home?

07:20 Who is fabulous cuz I've been running first one home and

07:28 My dad took me home.

07:32 My wife at the time and it kind of prepare the house for me and she had a dog. You know, I'm not the type of person but this dog really love me like caterpillars in comparison to guess you was kind of obsessed with me and we all know that you're like the cat and dog whisperer. They all left you when I got ya and she was like, you know Sasha the German Shepherd was out back and before they let her have going to like it. Let me sit now cuz she just knock me over cuz I can barely walk at this point. Set down as this is great and to let the dog out and she was smoking around sad that I wasn't wasn't there. She walks to the living room doesn't see me and then she comes back and sees me like I'm a lot like a baby puppy so happy cuz you thought I was gone forever.

08:26 But yeah, I was really really good day to find go home to sleep in my own bed, you know, sort of return to the sense of normalcy because I remember being at the cafeteria at the at the rehab in all of his accountant. It was like ahead of floor-to-ceiling Windows like one of those side of the cap. She was Windows Movie in there we all but I'll be looking outside like we come in at each other. Like that's the world. That's what we're trying trying to get out of here and go in there get out of here and go out there all of us. Will I Longing to escape our bonds tomorrow high so we could have gone very far if you want to take

09:09 And now so when you did finally get out.

09:15 Did you still have any of the effects of the stroke that you were doing with that place still? Have I still have some effects with the main things for me was I could walk barely must see my barely let you know I could hop along cannot walk the regular gate lock people do my test relieving. They give his test Piata Clayton c4rad the entry of the real world. That's us as our from home on Antelope and I live in a one-story house. I'd have to pass the go up and down the stairs exam kind of thing minutes to side like had to walk I think 10 or 15 yards on a assisted and then I the

10:00 They had a

10:02 Colorado prop bathroom so they want to make sure I can get you in and out of the shower correctly without falling down or anything like that. So I passed those two things. I was going to go home. So I went home and so on.

10:18 Not for me. Is that still going to be an outpatient rehab on fact not what they did at first was there had sent someone to my house two times a week. So I didn't leave the house. I guess. I don't know how long I don't remember how long the time was anymore.

10:37 But yeah, I was like very, you know walking very slowly, I once a hot wing, but you just

10:44 Vince shuffle my feet girls allowed to do that in rehab but it was walking very slowly and very deliberately holding on to things that have I didn't need a cane funny have a cane or anything like that. But it is

10:58 I was very deliberate very kind of thought the tortoise slow and steady wins the race of going back to your job and in.

11:09 And you work in healthcare senior hl7 developer. So what was that experience like of going back to work? So I got to rehab my rehab daughter told me the best thing for my brain to do at this point was to go back to work. So I was home for two weeks. And for the next two weeks. I was working part-time two to three days a week and then I went back to full-time.

11:33 And I went back to work and there are so many problems because things that have worked on there and take care of there was no one there that a contract this point in time, but he didn't really know all the ins and outs. It wasn't working on those projects though. Things are broke and they've been broken for a month now and you know, they need a glance back and fix it. So when I started back to work, it was like trying to remember what I was doing trying to get back to the mode to try that troubleshoot because at this body have any critical thinking skills, what was that like affected really? Well, I guess cuz only like a couple people news and I was had this much of a deficit look like for you. It was very scared cuz I had no eye has lost.

12:25 My ability to recognize patterns at this point. So why reading equals 7 or 18? We got the computer code made no sense to me whatsoever how I last saw didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't pick out patterns or bits and I look at it goes that mean you can read the code on the screen. You can see people's names reiterates that if I didn't couldn't see any of that stuff.

12:55 Soul Silver

12:57 Is almost like that that's good. Then white from his had to relearn it took a couple weeks to be able to get back some of the things but that really really scary Winter Haven do this job cuz I can't do what I was doing before. I think you talked about is how

13:17 One of your colleagues is kind of your Saving Grace for keeping your job.

13:21 Because you couldn't organize your work at all. So you would call this colleague tells about that bill will show was definitely a guardian angel at work at this point cuz

13:33 We all work remotely cell work from home, which is great physically, cuz I have to take out to her car go to an office and climb the stairs to the office really like that. So I stayed home. So I got in the habit of calling pill every morning flat bill. What do I need to do today was I need to do this morning with what's the high party thing I need to do. So he would give me that stuff in the first to go out by SAS trunks were a couple passed here and there is no way I can take two or three tasks and I'll do those completion and when I get them plated go asking what brought an axe so he was very instrumental of me.

14:14 Work out, you know, what's the party right now in and do those tasks give us completed. I don't think I could have done it without him because at the time was I don't know. If not, I'm not very patient. For understanding at that point. So

14:32 What else changed or what what change for you after the stroke? I know you and I've talked a little bit about spirituality and and and also politics seem to change tell me a little bit about this. I already asked Beck which I find fascinating. Well, the spirituality part of it was bringing so I was brought up in the Bible Belt is a Baptist. So I had to go to Sunday school every morning or every Sunday morning kind of hang out Sunday school to go for a little while. Yes. I did it. I can't believe it now, but

15:12 But yeah, I was told all these things were going to happen. You know, when your do your lowest point a lot if you're going to turn the God and what happened to me was and then the stroke is like the whole the feeling of spiritual that person has is totally gone.

15:29 Is like that part of my brain would shut off another stroke victims even say that they feel more expensive. They feel closer to God. I told it to not feel any of that more like I was like just shut off.

15:44 I had as far as I was concerned. I had none of that baggage the holding back know this feeling of guilt anymore.

15:54 Sawtelle did not even think about you know, it's this point I would not even think about that unless someone else brought it up, you know when to go to church when I don't feel I don't feel spiritual even now you were you were telling me how it used to be that if you lost something like God if you just show me where my keys are on my wallet is, you know, I'll go to church on Sunday and I would think that after having had the stroke you would be bargaining a lot with God and asking them for help and you know, you know, you know the science

16:34 Well, yeah, I lose myself a lot. So yeah, I'll be looking for my keys. But first thing is that okay nowadays is Mary Catherine ABC know that probably does not enter my mind at to start praying or wishing it whatever just doesn't enter my it's not into my brain at all. That's just that's not second nature to me like he used to be.

17:05 No, not at all. Not at all. I don't think I would be sad if that came back.

17:11 Because like I was telling her a couple days ago is that my cap and a couple days ago is like, you know, I don't have to guilt like I used to have some time on the on the TV that would say something like me have Catholic guilt. I think I was just in your religion at all or any Protestant Christianity is a lot of people have it and feel guilty because you know, you're out late you're out late last night having a glass of wine or whatever cuz batches are not supposed to drink and things of this nature now is like I don't care and I don't have none of that guilt. I don't have any of that. You know, I feel like someone's watching me you're doing the things I'm doing. Well, I don't go out a way to do things in moral at all. But you know nowadays is I would think something, you know going out to a concert. That was like

18:07 Bibke Baptist president that's not something you do or go to this going to be dancing there or anything like that. So I don't feel guilty about any of that stuff anymore. So to me and the whole people invite you to church they got was always they go there to give the sermon that if they try to make you feel guilty or they kind of brain that killed out there to do something that you what noise do inside of now, I don't have any of that stuff. So that's kind of a burden Lift-Away gone.

18:41 Bring my hat. That's that's that's good. And I assure you had to spend the case when I met you that you were a republican. I don't know that you and I would have got on so well, but you are no longer a republican now that you've had the stroke what happened at the Republican election judge in East Texas Once Upon a Time. And now that is not the case. I was actually a judge at the election of 2008 and 3 days later. I had my first stroke that should tell you I should have taken out.

19:21 But it wasn't enough in the change like Obama was saying back then. Yeah change I didn't happen the first one to be the whole of her conservative household and I was raised around it. I mean I was well they call it did overhead. I was a big rush football fan back in the 80s with was in the White House and it was

19:46 Offer that but I was right was raised around it. And that's that's what you believe me or a race with it, but like other things to his wife.

20:00 In a lot of ways is wiping the Slate clean and we learning how to do things in relearning Concepts and

20:08 I mean I've had around pulse out of my front yard.

20:12 How is libertarian? I'm very libertarian and

20:17 I mean as far as I'm concerned you take a look at the BP oil spill on that they take takes why libertarianism doesn't work because big companies can pleats please himself. Most Lasley Malone can't have pick up my interfere to do that. So.

20:35 That's pretty positive that I made it happen.

20:39 Yeah, just had to relearn because it is a custom it was church and in my oil change and spiritual out of your absence of it now that you know.

20:51 Churches in in you know, the big flower for Catholic Healthcare organization there really big on extending The Healing Ministry of Jesus Christ as to the missions after they go out and they help people.

21:04 Well, you got the Baptist to have their Baptist Network for hospital. So the methods is due and

21:10 But those are Hospital systems that are out to not make money per se that just their nonprofit organizations, but you and I have to make a little bit and sustain their operations, but

21:22 But it's really up to society as a whole think two.

21:29 Makeup have that rolls in so few people do nowadays like in church helping the ones that need help.

21:39 The poor and underserved where

21:42 At the side is whole and has taxes not that's what that's for. So different way of thinking then, you know Republicans think so.

21:54 Wow.

21:57 What else has changed for you since the stroke so I can sleep now?

22:03 Used to text me it would take me 30 to 40 minutes of Hall sleep. Now. It's like, you know, what a couple minutes I'm sawing logs and no.

22:16 I'm have migraines anymore. So that those two things are almost worth the whole experience was sleeping and I have migraines and cuz you 7 pretty regularly.

22:30 How to compounding the previous relationship the previous marriage

22:34 But I did not like that married to report husband's twice-baked had really accelerate the me the party room at toxic relationship and in that couldn't happen that wouldn't have happened if I didn't have this truck as fast as it did. Probably never met you otherwise, yeah, so that's so pretty great side effect of The Strokes. I never thought of myself as a side effect of a stroke, but I'll take it here are married to you now.

23:04 What about

23:08 What about engaging with people near you're a self-proclaimed introvert but you've also talked a little bit about how you interact with people how you respond to people has changed.

23:19 I think the best way to describe his a mellow more mechanical now than I used to be. I'm not as good as reading cues body language is that used to be I was never very good at it.

23:33 Especially now

23:36 I was thinking you know that that's skills been practices overalls had a Lifetime by practicing and wipe the Slate clean and

23:47 It's like a shadow of his former self. So be I just I'm not good at small talk at all and it's not something. I really want to be good at either or so, but like I'll practice it to to get better at it, but

24:04 The definite just interaction people that don't have something really hard and, with or a lot of coming with it's it's it's difficult to

24:14 2 up connectables people. I think that one reason that's why we connected. So while we very quickly, thanks and, with each other. I know what a great story we have and we wouldn't have done that. If you know, I don't think we had would hit it off. If we had didn't have those initial things in common with web of dating that we would have met and ended up like working in the same field in who would have thought that when we went into meeting when we decided to meet each other.

24:51 But you know actually as we're talking and you know, one of my favorite stories about us is you know, when we have to be mad and I went home and

25:01 Texted a friend of mine.

25:04 About our first meeting

25:10 And I'm

25:21 Oh goodness.

25:23 Good night. Text Rye setup.

25:27 That was really happy that I met this new guy and that we had a lovely afternoon together and that you would just let me shine that whole afternoon.

25:39 I wonder if part of that is just because you are so much more open and

25:46 And I wouldn't take the mechanical aspect of it, but the fact that you

25:51 Maybe don't do so well with feta cheese with his cute and and also your expectations aren't to put people in a box, you know, you're pretty open-minded about that in and I only got ever thought about it that way until just now but I wonder if that's what made that day. So easy for both of us was that there was no Grand expectation because as we both know we both try to get out of that first meeting with the devil I going on on the Sunday afternoon in meeting people. We didn't know and yet we did and it turned out to be the best of the Dead.

26:25 I think as far as putting people in a box now is like eating Warehouse. All those boxes are it's gone. Sorry that I have a kid.

26:35 Kitchen all the people in anymore. That's fine with me like that. Our house is messy anyway, so

26:44 I kind of talked about this before with you is

26:51 Whatever Orr somebody's for they called him a trick points make them react incident in a hear something on and how they react.

27:03 Stroke, you know some of that is hardwired subconsciously how many react to something has happened so many times and had the same emotions. I didn't have it anymore. So I had the advantage of choosing how wanted react to certain situation without those circuits in your brain or not hardwired weren't friendly in case and while Galloping to get upset when someone mentions, you know, I'll wait or you I don't stutter it like I used to or stuttering like that so,

27:36 So I got to choose how it's going to react to that. So I think a lot of it as far as pitching hole in people or sticking label on people was lot like that so I don't have to do that anymore.

27:49 Cuz it's wants like clean starting starting your first meeting which I guess is what made it so great.

28:01 And I'm so grateful now that I don't have to ever do that again.

28:06 Cuz we've discussed its a 50 year commitment be married to each other.

28:12 So I'm

28:15 All right.

28:17 Anything else you want you want to tell me about the stroke like how it's anything else, but how it's changed your life or do you fear having another stroke? My feeling have another one is changed quite a bit since the recovery cuz I remember even

28:36 A couple years ago before meeting you especially now he's thought you know, if I have a third one, that's it. I'm not going as ever again recovery so difficult so hard

28:52 I had a lot of time to think about in rehab because you're not the first one to his letter had sex once I didn't know I was in the rehab for three more months and I would third one and if I was going to have one that sounds like you know, I'm Indian big bag of broccoli any at all cuz I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing this again. And what is the significance of the medication I take is Coumadin and with my blood disorder since the clots to eat some up blood clots too easily. I take this as a blood thinner.

29:30 And this blood thinner works by blocking vitamin K. And Vitamin K is is in a lot of your multivitamins nine stones, but it is and stuff like that and whatever they'll be allowed in there vitamin K. That's what makes your blood clot really? Well in the salsa in green leafy vegetables or anything green is it it's in there.

29:53 So yeah, if I want it all, so I can even take him to the Kumon in it cannot walk enough vitamin K2 keep you from having another Stroke by had to go to Sam's buy a big bag of ethos and wait for the end kind of thing. He'll ever thought that I mean people always say eat broccoli for your health, but in your case eating broccoli is not so good for your health. And I don't know what's going from healthy eating a bag of cauliflower, I think it would be kind of funny if we had a bumper sticker that said, you know for four people who had Strokes don't eat your broccoli. It's not good for you broccoli is not good for your health.

30:33 Oh my goodness.

30:37 But yeah, that was one of them Cliffs chains, especially since I've gotten married is you know before if I had another struggle would not have worked another fight at that point would have gone out of me and you know, if it's especially with severe as his last one well when they've tried to recover

30:55 What's the best change?

30:58 The better I think it's in your broccoli for you and eat for 50 years until they come out with something like not a big deal anymore. Well, I for one will not encourage you to be eating broccoli anytime soon or or asparagus or kale and I do find it funny that the things that I like to juice and drink big green juices are the things that you cannot eat.

31:29 But you know, I guess it's part of what makes it work for us as you'll never eat the stuff that I really love to eat stuff that you love to eat.

31:40 One way and it's a long way.

31:44 Oh my goodness.

31:49 So I'm

31:51 So what do you want other people to know who had Strokes?

31:55 What's that? What's the takeaway message? Other than don't eat your broccoli.

32:00 I'm actually a member of the number pick Reddit user have a form on they're just people have had strokes and they don't get a lot of traffic the people that will help us on that that you know, they had left on that just have one how to deal with it. And the main thing that always tell about you with some of some of the things that's happened to me. It's patience, especially for me the first six to eight months had no filter whatsoever. In fact the part of my brain that helps that helps filter. Your thoughts was not working at this point is not working and some of the medications you take to come out of control your emotions actually over seem like that person is brain. They would have no effect either so it's just

32:50 Got to take it with a grain of salt lots of patients people say stuff that you know, it would normally never hear it. But those others are thinking that of course, it had to filter through it. It just have patience in you know and realize that it may not have control over what they were saying or they're doing

33:10 Lots of patience is required.

33:16 Cushman helps to and how prevalent is Factor V actually is very very prevalent in Caucasian.

33:26 In the Caucasian population is very very prevalent. I think it would statistic is its its 10 or 1 and pretty significant about it about it is it is dormant in most people that have it I want to think that kind of activates it from dormancy is physical trauma. So like a car wreck or falling down the bank of a head on the concrete or something really big wool.

33:56 Will activated my was dormant for 31 years and I had a broken arm. I had a fall and broke my arm.

34:05 45 months before the stroke and I had surgery to fix a broken alarm.

34:10 And the activated it Heaven. I didn't know I had it and he want to have surgery and it's genetic isn't it? It is genetic and so I got it for my mother and my sister has it and has had a stroke herself has had for 5 heart attacks.

34:33 And was until she was like really good and using her plugged in with it. All her problems guy just went away. That's the reason why it's it's happening, the course of treatment when someone has Factor pocket is activated and nobody in your family that factor V nobody in your family knew that factor V was in the bloodline until relatively new disorder. I mean, they only discovered it back in 2002 test generally available like in 2001-2002 that they knew it was even around

35:11 And so you have it your sister has it your mom has it but nobody else in the family at this point is known to be up. Yeah, my brother my brother. He's head of Naproxen the things happening physically if he had to have it would have been in bed since up a long ago.

35:29 My older brother used to live with chalk. We don't know if he has it.

35:34 He's our pentest for it at 6 Pearl expensive test. But my mother has it so I got it from her and we don't know if she got it from her mother probably so she's not alive anymore, but she died of a heart attack. So it's very possible that she has it. Now. We don't know if any of my other aunts or uncles have it in that side. So

35:59 It just takes one parent.

36:03 &

36:05 And you made a pretty radical decision after you found out that you had it with regard to having children decided that you know, I'm not I'm not ever going to pass this on so I did have from vasectomy afterwards. So what has it on so I had that made that decision even before I even met you. I mean, I had a procedure done, I guess the year and a half of rain at met you so

36:28 Will you feel really strongly about not passing it on and yes and is it just because of the experience you've had or even though I'm definitely out what would kill me to know that I had a son or daughter and then they turn up with Factor 5 and it was activated. There's a stolen I might have struck by had to go through the same things. I had to go through that would devastate me.

36:50 That I was in a partner in that I have a name.

36:56 It's like people have a song about Bill to show his family actually carries the lot the gene for us. It's cystic fibrosis. The same thing. I have kids that has a disease not going. These people have it at 34 years old with that still stuff get challenged over to help.

37:19 And you know for us it's actually worked out well because you know where we've got lots of nieces and nephews to enjoy their wonderful, but they're their own handful to deal with not having her own is a good thing. We can enjoy the 2 pugs face and Fiona and Jack the cats, and we're quite happy in our little home. Thank you so much for talking to me today. I love you. I love you, too.