Shannon Bear and Amanda Bear

00:03 Amanda Bear 37 years old April 2nd 2017, Lexington, Kentucky wife April 2nd 2017, Lexington, Kentucky, and I'm the husband to Amanda.

00:25 Alright Shannon, we're going to get this started going to open up with the

00:32 A good one. So what's your happiest moment in life?

00:37 Wow, my happiest moment wife.

00:41 That's a great question to like I had a few of those.

00:46 Probably the happiest moments in my lifetime was actually having my first kid like I thought that was a very moving moment and change it change me for you. I was how old were you when you had your first kid, very young 19 years old without a planned.

01:07 First born not at all. Colin was a big surprise. Nothing was planned it all of him, but a great surprise like a column head really kind of changed me for who I was and really kind of kept me focused on my future and things that I wanted to do. Tell me a little more about that. What what did he change exactly?

01:33 So I was a sophomore in college ready to probably make a big a big decision a big change in my life and probably something I would have regretted and that was probably put in school. I just felt like it was really kind of going nowhere and

01:50 When he came along I was tough, you know being 19, you're not prepared for that something you're not really ready for but he really kept me going on the straight and narrow with school and

02:02 Made me want to finish my education for him because I knew would be important when you know down the law the road eventually show him. How long at that point hit his mother's name was Shannon to write. How long had you all been together at that point?

02:25 5 1996 15 16 years old weren't planning to have the kids that young. Not at all. Did you all were you married at the time?

02:43 No, we did everything go backwards and I believe we got married.

02:49 In July of that year 1999 the year you found out she was pregnant.

02:55 So you got married and finish school you all had more kids right by Aiden was next. How old is Aidan now?

03:13 Is 10 years old and so there's a bit of a age difference between call in and 8in cuz Colin is how old now yours big because

03:27 Is huge because Colin is starting College Hillel be starting school in the fall that Eastern Eastern Kentucky University. So pretty moment very proud of him. How old does that make you feel?

03:40 That makes me feel about 20 years older than what I am. You know, I'm glad that in the beginning you not talking about that and he was not planned and calling made me change ideas and thoughts that I was having. I'm glad that I had call him when I did for a lot of reasons one. Like I said kept me going on the straight and narrow, but also being a young father has really been able to allow me to enjoy him being 18 now.

04:15 So Collins 18810 and you said you have two twin Girls Sophie and Maddie. How old are the twins?

04:28 Do you have any other kids I do I have two wonderful stepsons Aiden and Evan.

04:35 I know this but did you just say there are two Aiden Aiden bear. Did you ever try to figure out another way to address them maybe by middle name?

04:50 No.

04:52 I can relate that back to to shannondell motion sensors over to Shannon's it was seen as Shannon Michelle and Shannon Ray. So is it true that you know, I kind of took that Q from from that I guess when we had we had already eaten since we got together and you know, it just made sense.

05:11 It will come back to the kids in a little bit.

05:16 We kind of skipped a portion of in between.

05:24 Let's talk a little bit about Shannon. You said they caught her Shanna Michelle. So, can you tell me about Shannon Michelle?

05:35 Well Shannon was a you know, like I said, we were together or sophomore in high school high school sweethearts.

05:45 Phantom has a very special person very sweet person.

05:51 She she.

05:57 See a big heart was very caring person had a smile that would just feel the room.

06:05 And then you know, we got married. We were married for 10 years and you knows you talk to people about being married for 10 years and you automatically think that your old people that's what we were married for 10 years.

06:18 Yeah, just a great relationship.

06:23 Shannon's not. You're obviously not together since we're married. So do you explain what happened with bush and

06:31 So Shannon passed away November 5th.

06:35 2010 for my brain my brain tumor actually, it was ugly low blastoma multiforme. She was diagnosed in 2009 all the way back in February March. She was diagnosed with cancer. I was given right around nine months to live with with the Tabor. She went through some treatment and then she passed away pretty much right around I guess. She lasted as long as they said she would show the tumor was very aggressive and very destructive.

07:17 Is that a rare type of brain tumor or cancer?

07:22 It's not but what makes it I guess it's not a rare type of cancer, but it's rare for her age when she how old was she 30?

07:32 And so how old were the girls were just born at that point or how old were they when she passed away? So when she was when she was sick they were

07:46 Just over a year old. Okay. So can you talk about that a little I'm having a terminally ill wife and twin baby girls and two sons.

07:59 So do you know when you when you get the news somebody that you've been with?

08:06 And that you count I had planned on spending your life with because obviously, you know, that's just what you do and you go from taking care of for people to five people but

08:20 The attention obviously turn to her more than than the kids luckily and I had a great support with family my parents and her parents were very supportive. I moved in with us.

08:34 And help with the kids and then allowed me to be able to take care of Shannon and give her what she needed along with hospice and and her mom and my mom. I mean there was there was a it took a took a village pretty much to to take care of of everybody that point in time.

08:52 If I had wonderful support from everybody when when all that was going on with her and everything. What was the hardest part and juggling all of that?

09:06 The hardest part for me was and I felt like it kind of built built me and that's who I am now later in life, but

09:15 I guess the hardest part about it was being strong for the kids and not and not allowing myself to break down in front of them too much course. It was just human nature that it happened a lot of it. Just being the strong dad that they needed at the time.

09:37 And being there for the kids.

09:44 Well, she was sick. Did you all talk about I mean she knew that she was dying. Did you all talk about the prospect of Yuri marrying or moving on without her was that ever a conversation you had we had two conversations actually in March when she was dying when they find out that the tumor was as big as it was showing his personality changed a little bit. I was some of the treatment in the very first time we talked about it was absolutely not. You're you're not going to remarry. I don't want a body else taking care of my kids, but in March we had hope there's a lot of hope that time, you know,

10:23 That we could get the steamer removed and when we can fight this thing and she could live.

10:28 225 years, hopefully

10:31 Because I had seen cases where people had to live a lot longer than what they've been diagnosed with this Timber and then June, you know after we went through the the treatment we go back in June for a follow-up scan and not the Tomb Raider come back and is actually double the size. It was before we had to remove it.

10:49 So we have the the real conversation in the car on the way home. I remember that like it was yesterday.

10:58 I want my kids to care of and and and I want you to move on with life once once I'm gone because I don't ever want my kids to be alone.

11:08 But more importantly for her because she knew the kids won't be alone. The kids were always going to have me they were always going to have grandparents but more importantly for her. She wanted to make sure that I was okay and that I was took care of that there was somebody else for me so that conversation happened then and then it happened again a few months before she passed away. She told me that she was okay with me moving on with my life and that I needed to

11:36 Was that hard for you to do though and in reality?

11:40 Well, you know it first. Yeah, it was when you when you've been with somebody as long as you've been with him 10 years.

11:50 I think it's normal you had the normal thoughts and then normal conversations with yourself with people that you're never getting married again, you'll never find anybody ever again that you love as much as you love them and and things like that. So for me like for the first year after she was gone.

12:06 I promised myself and her that.

12:10 That I wouldn't look that I wouldn't tried to you know to be with anybody else and I had made the decision well before that that I didn't want to be with anybody else, but

12:21 That's a tough, That's a tough decision to make when you're only 31 years old and you got from you know, you've got a whole life of your head of yourself, who knows what will happen. So

12:46 In all honesty, that was probably that was a really really sad. You're like there was there was some moments.

12:54 Aiden talking about getting me and the kids and said Aiden had a birthday party and she was bedridden for most of most of those nine months or on the couch, or she just she couldn't walk so you as soon she just said she'd lost function of her whole left side. So

13:14 Summary for some reason for his birthday. It was a bright really it was a bright beautiful sunny day outside. We had we had friends and family over and she was actually able to come outside in her wheelchair and I'm she is probably the last time that she really got to enjoy the kids. Especially you know him.

13:35 So that was a really happy moment.

13:39 Party, the party was like there for hours long and she she got to come outside for 2 hours of it and actually enjoyed it. And that was one that was one memory that I had with her.

13:50 That was happy, but the rest of it was pretty sad, I mean

13:55 When you have four kids and two of them are babies.

14:01 Broussard

14:05 Prior to that year, what would you say was your best?

14:11 Best memory of Shannon prior to her being sick

14:17 I think the best memory that I hadn't heard was just too happy of them all she was

14:24 She loved your kids more than anything.

14:29 So seeing her.

14:32 As a mom was amazing.

14:42 What do you tell the kids about her so that they can have memories over?

14:48 I will call him as a little memory. So, you know, he was he was calling was 12 when everything happened.

14:59 What's the girls? You know, the girls all the girls will do something occasionally with just especially Madden, you know that and Maddie is just she's looks-wise. She's kind of cut out of Shannon.

15:11 So they'll do something every once in a while when I was with the weather like for the way that they act or something and I'll tell him you know, that was that your mom. That's how your mom left for the Tiger in your mom. Your mom was things like that.

15:28 So, you know, we talked about sad things and happy things. Did y'all ever fight? Like what what did you all disagree about? Honestly don't think that you know, I've really talked about that. We talked about a lot of things with her, but

15:43 Are there things you all argue about?

15:46 I think we are getting the things that we argued about.

15:51 Me being me being the person that I am liking, you know, like to spend money in and going to concerts and being a huge music fan and stuff. Like she had to rely Dental lot like, you know, we got to watch what we spend, things just the normal stuff I think.

16:08 It was like any other relationship when you been with somebody for 10 years. You had you had your your times where you know, somebody didn't feel good or you like up and

16:22 We had planned for that day. And then you get that that phone call or message and saying hey be careful what you spend the day because we've only got this and you're and you know, just that's what we argued over the most was just like a normal married problems money and money a struggle for you off since you were

16:44 Young parents and trying to go to college and

16:49 Yes where you there were there were there were quite a few times where I am

16:54 You know nobody ever went hungry utilities were never turned off but and there was there were times where you know getting to work sometimes was a Challenger

17:09 You know when you when you look at time you had one kid when we had calling it was definitely a struggle because neither one of us really had like great paying jobs that week because we were full time college kids and trying to change our lives so those were probably the struggle the times we struggled the most financially and things like that

17:28 So it was it was great to have parents on both sides that we could reach out to and you say Hey, you know, we need some help with this or something like that once we graduated.

17:40 Shane and actually she got a job. I graduated first and she graduated but she got a job faster than I did, you know things started changing one sweet, but we both still have our able to actually get jobs that were meaningful and paid pretty decent stuff. So the speaking of jobs we work together in college. Is that right? We did okay actually where we met I guess and yeah we met so

18:11 We met we weren't we met in college mean you did. We were both working at Kroger.

18:18 It was funny. It's it was funny. It's funny to think back like the the full circle that life brings you into sometimes.

18:28 You know, I know the four of us and when I say the four of us, I know like

18:32 Your ex-husband and Shannon you were with Shannon at the time and I was with my now ex-husband at the time, right but we

18:43 The four of us hung out sometimes occasionally go over is a couple times we hung out and write each other because I know I think you and her don't you have classes together, but you were in the same building and stuff. So, you know each other play major things like that with your bachelor's degree. And then of course I met Sean first before I met you working at Kroger to the three of us, so

19:11 We you said we hung out a couple times. How many times would you send me? We weren't like best friends or anything. Do you have any specific memories of when we hang out?

19:24 Yeah, I actually do like you you guys invited us over one time and

19:29 For a drinks and I think a movie one night and we came over and hang out for a few hours watching a movie together anymore about the movie was but I remember you drive me home.

19:43 A snowy night on time cuz I couldn't drive there was a snowstorm. There was a snow storm that night and everything was closed. Obviously except where we work and we were the last two there. I do remember that. I was the last cashier and you were the last service desk employee or whatever that night and you were driving that.

20:01 8000 or Alero

20:09 And I didn't want you. I didn't want you working at night. So I had to I had a four-wheel drive and I drove you home with her limited knowledge. I mean she knew me some but you know, if she could talk to us now. What do you think? She would say, how do you think she would feel about me and

20:26 You know the job I'm doing with her kids.

20:32 I think that was always the main concern with her two other than me being alone. You know, she never wanted me to be alone.

20:41 And when we talk about those things

20:45 That was a main concern of hers was Whoever Whenever I did decide to either get into a relationship or remarry the kids being took care of was the most important thing to her.

20:59 If I could talk to her now.

21:03 There's not a doubt in my mind. She she would be pleasantly surprised and happy by the job that you do and by surprise by being pleasantly surprised. I mean, you know the decision.

21:19 That I made as far as being with the person I ended up being with with with you and things because

21:27 You know if I can ask her right now, what do you think of Amanda shoot she would have she would tell me that that you were smart and

21:33 You know you had your head on your shoulders and and that you you met you you love our kids and that you that you would make sure the door take care of.

21:45 You said the Colin having Colin changed you how did losing Shannon change you?

21:54 Or did it.

21:56 Yes.

21:58 Losing training change me and it in a big way.

22:04 It really made me more.

22:07 I used to worry when me and her were together.

22:12 First work in school when time when I was in college, I took everything way too serious and stressful everything stress me out, like work with stress me out and you know

22:24 Companies counter or you know, you have a final tomorrow.

22:32 Money stressed me out like

22:35 Your parents are coming over tomorrow, you know things just stressed me out all the time. I let everything get to me and was Shannon what I learned was.

22:46 You Can't Sweat the Small Things

22:51 You need to wake up every day and be happy that your letter there.

22:56 And enjoy it and be happy with everything that you're doing and don't sweat the small stuff just enjoy life in general. So I think with her passing away and made me not be so serious about everything all the time and be kind of low-key with a lot of with a lot of stuff.

23:16 Do you think that's still true? You know, it's been 7 years. Now. Do you think you've kept that part where you think you learned that lesson long-term where you're not stressing about things all the time. I know when I go to work now, I just

23:32 You know we can have we have company all the time. It seems like and

23:37 I don't let that bother me like it bothers anybody else because I'm not going to let I'm not going to let the stress of the day.

23:44 Destroy who I am or what I'm doing. It's it gets to me out. And I know you know that like there's times I complain but I don't let it decide who I am as a person or anything like that.

24:00 I'm going to shift gears a little bit.

24:04 What's the hardest thing about marriage now? You've you know, you're on your second wife now and you were married for 10 years and now we've been together for how long?

24:16 We've been together for 4 years and married for three this year.

24:19 Okay, so what's the hardest thing about marriage?

24:24 I think the hardest thing about marriage.

24:28 You know the first like me I misremember the high school sweethearts and everybody, you know, we go to the best couple in high school, whatever. We we knew each other we would we just we grew up together. So we knew everything about each other so, you know when you got together

24:46 I knew how to react and and and things to say with her. I think it's just learning. Somebody all over again is probably been the most difficult part of it and

25:01 When you're when you're alone for a year when your widowed for year.

25:06 You're in a half. It kind of becomes about you and sounds like it's just you so it's all that you have to take. I mean, obviously I have the kids. I took care of the kids, but you know, the only feelings that I had to worry about Ramon. So there's a there's a there's a fine line there that you have to walk. It's just you can't be selfish about yourself you have to

25:29 Realize that there's going to be differences between the two of you and you and you got to you got to accept that and and sometimes go with what the other person wants.

25:39 What things like that?

25:41 What's the hardest thing about being married to me?

25:49 I think with you the only the one thing that when we talked about this

25:58 I wish you wouldn't sweat the small stuff sometimes like I think just let it just let it ride sometimes with the things that happened and don't then don't just don't worry about stuff like that and just

26:11 This is just look at it and go with it. That's really about it, though.

26:16 So that's like good advice to me. But why is that hard? What it what makes that hard about being married to me?

26:24 I want to swim if it makes it hard. I mean there's really nothing like to me like it's not there's nothing to really hard. There's got to be stuff. I don't know if there's anything really hard about being married that you're always right that you're always right. So I guess that's it like

26:41 Amanda are you saying I think I'm always right or I'm actually always right and that's a little bit of

26:51 A battle so it's not a battle the struggle. I guess sometimes between the between the two of you agree. I meet mostly right all the time. You think you are.

27:02 As I think you know.

27:06 So you may have already answered this but on the flip side. Look what what then what can I do to make marriage easier? What can I do to make life easier other than not worrying too much?

27:19 I could change one thing. What would it be?

27:22 I think that's just it I think that's that's all that I would maybe like if I could change one thing about you that just to

27:30 No, sweat all that stuff, but you know, we have six kids. We've got three dogs. There's a lot that goes on in our lives. There's a lot that we have two that were responsible for and that deals with you a lot easier than those me and I'm not perfect.

27:48 The hour commute that I have every day probably allows me to decompress a little bit more than it does you but

27:56 I think that would be the only thing that just there's no reason to sweat all this stuff because

28:04 As I learned a long time ago you just you wake up one day and

28:07 You may not have that.

28:17 I think the best part about being married especially to Amanda.

28:23 Best thing about being married to you that I found is

28:31 We thrive on each other. We are definitely like the partners in crime kind of thing. Like it takes me and you to to do everything that we do with our kids and our house. We have a busy life, so

28:47 I couldn't think of anybody else that I would want to do it with.

28:51 Because you are headstrong and I think it I might be that easy going one. So it definitely takes the one that's a little bit more and I had strong out of the two of us. So I think we might just at work when I got good that good connection with each other and we make it easier on each other because I could imagine like, you know, I could imagine doing it any other way now like

29:19 If I was sitting here by myself with with four kids because obviously there with me the six of them, but it was the four of them. I would probably have struggled a lot and with a lot of things so it's been a lot easier just to have somebody that's very strong-willed.

29:33 You know you've been divorced and you're one of the strongest people that I've ever met.

29:41 So I think that's what makes it. So good is we have a lot of fun together?

29:48 And we even when we were a great team.

29:52 I would have to agree with that. I could let you keep going talking about all the good things about me. I like to hear that.

29:59 How has your life been different than what you imagined? I mean you're 37.

30:03 You're on your second marriage, and now you've never imagined losing a wife in your 20s or 30 years old, but

30:12 How is it, you know you when you were 15 or 16 and you looked ahead.

30:18 How are things different?

30:21 Things are so much different now and all for the and all for the best. I look at like what me and you do everyday and you know, I've seen I've seen parts of the United States that I probably would have been able to do if it would have been for me and you to do you know how to do those things though?

30:39 Stuff like that. I feel like

30:43 We

30:45 I didn't have a lot of goals. Even when I was married to Shannon. Like I knew I was going to be married when me and her you know, what your plan is to be married forever to the to the person that you're with you. Hope you are.

31:00 So

31:02 With me and you like we've been able to I think together like open a different world up with each other if that makes sense. Like we've done a lot of accomplishments and you know, we bought our first house together.

31:16 We don't.

31:18 We don't sweat a lot of the money issues. I guess we travel that's very important and you and I love that because you know, I was always live with her like I done a lot of stuff like me and her done a lot of things together, but it wasn't it wasn't anything like what me and you together. So I think it brought the world traveler out in me a little bit and kind of made

31:42 Made me of my lost a lot of bigger things outside of 10 years from now where we have travel to.

31:51 Open 10 years from now. I've seen a little bit more of the world. But whatever we do, whatever it whatever I see. I want to make sure that it's with you.

32:01 Are our travels been kind of limited to the United States so far, so

32:08 Other than Canada was going to be the first country we go to

32:21 Only have a few more questions for you. But what I really wanted to ask you the what's imagine that are granted our grandkids are maybe our great-grandkids are listening to this years from now. What would what words of wisdom would Papaw like to impart on them?

32:41 I would say I would tell anybody I would tell my grandkids and my grandkids that.

32:47 When things get really tough.

32:51 No matter what it is. There's life is going to throw everything that can at you a lot of times. It's more out of more times if it's a good stuff, but when the when the difficult stuck is Stone at you.

33:04 You know the unexpected like having a kid when you're 19 and collagen.

33:10 Legion y530

33:14 And even losing job in there there was a job that was lost in there. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't don't even sweat the difficult stuff because it's always going to get better in no matter what but if you have a plan in life if you have a goal if there's a dream that you want make sure you do it.

33:33 Strive for the best and then and go after your dreams no matter what they are no matter how small or how big go after what you what you want in life.

33:46 Is there anything that you've never told me that you want to tell me?

33:54 You know, I really don't think so. Like I feel like

33:57 I feel like we've been I feel like I've been an open book to you about anything. You've ever asked me. I've always told you.

34:03 Everything that's been ever been asked. I mean, I can't really think of anything.

34:08 So that I know that you don't know so that there's something about me that you wanted to know that you've never asked me about.

34:19 I don't think so. I mean like what we talked about a lot of this stuff with them with training and things. I mean the question.

34:29 I can't really think of anything then.

34:32 I can think of really now you made us some really boring for the last couple questions. So, okay, we'll have to think of a different final question then.

34:44 Let's say this is our last conversation. You're very last conversation that you're going to have with me. What do you say to me?

34:56 I would say.

35:02 That you have brought out a lot in me that I didn't know was there.

35:08 You made me

35:14 You have made me go after things in my life that I pray that I would have done at all finishing. That master's degree.

35:25 Wanting wanting the things that I want having goals major roles in my life. So I love you for that that you've brought a lot of me as a person never told there was a lot there that was obviously damaged but you fixed a lot of that and I think you definitely made me.

35:47 I'm a stronger.

35:48 More Oscar person

35:51 That was before we met.

35:54 I love you, too.