Kathleen McConahay and Mark McConahay

Recorded June 23, 2017 Archived June 23, 2017 37:34 minutes
0:00 / 0:00
Id: mby016405

Description

Kathleen McConahay (61) recounts to her husband, Mark McConahay (62) what she found after entering her long deceased Grandpa Bob's house and how the artifacts she discovered allowed her to get to know aspects of her mother she had never known. Kathleen's mother committed suicide in 1963 and Grandpa Bob helped find temporary homes for her and her 5 young siblings.

Subject Log / Time Code

Kathleen recounts what she found in her Grandpa Bob's house which she discovered had been left unattended for many years.
Kathleen recalls her mom committing suicide in 1963.
Kathleen reflects on what she felt about her mom as a young child and what she learned after going through her grandfather's old house and finding letters and photos.
Kathleen talks about her connection to her siblings.
Mark recalls some significant moments in Grandpa Bob's life.

Participants

  • Kathleen McConahay
  • Mark McConahay

Recording Locations

Plaza 1A

Keywords


Transcript

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00:04 Mark McConaughey 62 today is June 23rd 2017. We are in Bloomington, Indiana, and I'm here with my lovely wife Kathleen.

00:15 And my name is Kathleen McConaughey age 61 and today's date is June 23rd, 2017. Where in Bloomington Indiana and I'm with my Brad Pitt of registrars has been

00:31 And I'm going to start this story. This is my story that I'm going to tell you mark and a lot of it, you know, and we'll so first how big of family did you grow up in a there's six of us kids three boys and then three girls and I am the oldest girl you started out in Peoria, but for lots of reasons you have lots of ties to South Bend Indiana, right? That's where my parents and grandparents are from. So we always went back to South Bend from Peoria to visit Grandpa Bob Graham Grandma O'Hara Grandma Utz, Grandma Bailey Grandma, Tommy Tommy there a lot of at first one. So just to get you started on your story that sort of ties us to South Bend. And so what were we doing on November 19th 2016?

01:31 Our Aunt Katie and Uncle John they still live in South Bend and we were spending the weekend exact age of them. But so it was kind of thinking we need to see them in case anything happens to him. So after a really nice visit with them we decided or I thought let's try by Grandpa Bob's house. My mom's dad and just see it sound like going by your childhood home or something. And so so we did and a mess we drove by we can tell something something bad happen to the house up with the wrong sort of describe that those who Uncle Grandpa Bob loved by a golf course, right? And I'm in sort of this. I call it a post-world war.

02:31 Subdivision of houses Ferry, you know approximately 1000 square feet. Kind of neighborhood right three small bedrooms a bath I living room and kitchen really very small small plot right next to the golf course, and I remember when especially when our children were little and we used to go up and visit my Grandpa Bob and stay there doing his time as a prisoner of war during the Battle of the Bulge in just interesting stories of

03:04 What happened to him during war right? But so when we pulled in the driveway is clear that the other is cardboard on the window and we are like, oh my goodness what's going on? And so I got out of the car and walked around the back and I could see siding was coming off the house. And then as I went around the back the back door was just standing wide open will describe the garage to that's that's really something that sticks out for me into the garage and the roof had collapsed in the garage. So I don't know if we saw that before or after we went into the house, but when I stepped into the house, I was like, I don't know if somebody in here and I would just say hello. Hello and no one answered me. So I went on in and I could tell something was going on. I didn't know what because I didn't know the story right then Grandpa died in 1990.

04:03 And Sheila his wife. We stayed in touch with her for about 5 years or so because

04:13 I could tell they were well anyway, I'll tell you about that a little bit, but we just kind of lost touch because Grandpa was the thing that bound us and once he was gone that after a few years. We just kind of stopped writing each other card. So I assume that the house after Grandpa died in 1990 and of course it went to Sheila and then after all those years I figured it went to her children after she died. And so when I went in there, I was not sure what to expect and there is the refrigerator was pulled out the stove was missing there was stuff all over the floor and I couldn't tell if they were packing to move or what but I still called out to see if there is somebody in the house cuz I figured why would the door be open and nobody responded? So as I went into the living room, I started looking around and I started recognizing things and I thought oh my gosh, this is still grandpa's house. This is still

05:12 You know his stuff in this house and the one thing I always wanted back after Grandpa died was up a picture that I had drawn. I was a charcoal drawing of a bird on a flower branch and I'd always wanted that back.

05:30 But I don't feel comfortable asking Sheila for I felt like you know after he died I didn't want to come in there. I want this and this and this and this so I just kind of Let It Go by that much cash. I wonder if it's still on the wall. So I went down the hallway and it was not there. So I okay whatever so I went into the first bedroom on the right and I know it says I passed the closet door. There was still the vinyl closet doors that he had from ever forever. That's the only accordion doors that he had. We're still there all eschewed but

06:13 They were still there. And so I went into that first bedroom.

06:18 And there is no furniture in the bedroom, but you I look down on the floor and there was lots of papers and stuff. And mostly I saw Christmas ornaments that sort of thing and I looked up on the wall and there was a picture still on the wall is the only thing on the wall and it was a it has I got closer to it was a 5 by 7 of me and my siblings when we were little so it would have been a picture taken probably in 1957. My sister was there were five of us Casey wasn't born yet. So there was Mike Tom and Jim and then me and calling it about 6 months and that picture.

06:57 What's on the wall from the time Grandpa got it from Mom till now and it was the only thing on the Wi-Fi I snag that baby off. So haha and then start looking on the floor and soon that all that paper and kind of trash all of a sudden I could see there's a picture of mom and her mom Grandma to it's on her wedding day. So I looked at all my gosh a grab that picture and I just start looking around and find pictures of Grandpa more of mom and Grandpa of us as kids, you know, maybe photographs that mom sent of the boys when they were in school there school pictures that's worth in then I even found pictures of our kids that I had sent, you know, if Colleen and Mary Kate,

07:47 And then I can tell after cuz Matt was born after Grandpa died. So in 92 and there was a picture of Matt there too. So, you know, that's kind of giving me a little timeline of house. We were still in touch with Sheila even after Grandpa died. And so, you know what this point I'm getting a little worried. I'm sitting out of a tree limb all the way through the rough thinking that this is a house.

08:18 That hasn't been lived in in many years that looks like part of a blighted neighborhood and you have been missing now for 20 minutes pick it up pictures and actually the so I had to come start looking for you cuz you weren't answering your phone either and I don't mean to interrupt but but boy that you were still exploring your house and I'm have this picture of complete danger the coffee maker box and I grabbed it and I started putting all these pictures and here's a picture of there in this picture is my aunt Rainey. My mom my uncle John my dad and they're all in this is like a prom picture but none of them are with their spouses.

09:18 Dad is with a woman. I don't recognize my mom's with a guy. I don't recognize and my aunt is not with Uncle Quinton. So and Uncle John's not with Aunt Katie. It's so it's an interesting picture of all these family members, but they're at their dating stage and not their marriage states. That was a funds-of-funds signed and then move forward those so we found a house in this was obviously quite a revelation that this happened and of course the current status of the house when the world is going on. So what happened after this, well, then I think we could have looked in the other rooms quickly and we could tell I mean in the one-bedroom there were like cancel checks have Grandma Sheila's stuff there. So we knew it was still her stuff in the house and then I didn't find any more pictures.

10:18 Anything that was sentimental to us. So we got out of the house cuz we still weren't sure what the heck is going on with this place. I have to admit I was a little concerned. What do you feel? All right, and so we skedaddled out of there and then I texted my siblings and my brother Mike looked into it and it was really into it and he found out that the house they the property tax hadn't been paid for three years. And so it went to on a Sheriff sale and somebody in New Orleans bought it and they bought it in August of 2016 and I guess according to law whoever

11:04 Owns the house or whoever's property. It is has a year to claim it and pay those taxes and then they can get the house back if they want and out and I'll let you explain that you and your siblings still had a claim to the house in Indiana parently if you're not on the mortgage or you're not in the will then the house 75% of that house goes to a direct descendant and Grandpa failed to put Sheila on the house or in his will if Grandma dries was still and she had predeceased him by ten years. And so the house actually when Grandpa died was actually 75% ours and only 25% of Sheila's but I mean not that that would have mattered she would have stayed in the house, but I think what happened then when Sheila passed away, I think the kids

12:02 Her kids and her kids tried to sell it. I'm guessing cuz I don't know and I don't know how to get ahold of her kids, but

12:11 And and I'm guessing they couldn't because they only own 25% of it and they didn't know how to get ahold of us. So I think they just let it go and then it went into this receivership and so in talking with the with my siblings the boys decided they they didn't want anything to do with the houses. We're going to let it go if if we want if the three girls if we wanted to pursue it, you know how bad it and so I was trying to tell him how bad is shaped. The house was in I said, we need to go look at it again to make sure see if you guys think it's worth pursuing and so we came back in February and

12:55 That's a Some legitimacy of a realtor involved right we well we went to her let her over to see what she thought is as far as you know how much it would be worth anyway

13:08 She made a cursory.

13:11 Evaluate valuation in but what really was the deal is that we have people had in the meantime, I shut the door the first time we visited but in the meantime people had still been coming in and squatting in the house and the copper in the bathroom was all Stripped Away drawers were open and things. Were you notice on the floor? So clearly people were in there looking for valuables and of course or stuff to them is not valuable but to us, it's everything and when we were we were in that room that had

13:50 Sheila's cancel checks that was for a filing cabinet. And in that filing cabinet grandpa had saved a ton of stuff from letters from mom pictures that I never seen before letters from us as children to him letters from him to hit to Grandma trees during World War II all the stuff he's saved like his will excetera and all that was just scattered along the floor because people were looking for something valuable and so as we were kind of going through the house in their boxes there we were just throwing papers that meant nothing to us into this and then as we would see a paper we look and say oh my gosh, that's a letter from you Kathleen or that's all I hear from you calling and then here's a picture mom. I've never seen before and then little notes on Photo envelopes from Mom to Grandpa like

14:49 You know, I'd little note with it was a picture of her at Easter Easter before she died with all of us kids in it that on the envelope. It says it says look at all these kids. Can you believe these are all mine and Grandpa's then writes, you know, like a parentheses last picture of Colleen with the kids that kind of thing and that's a picture. I seen many many times that

15:20 That I didn't think anything of it until that little note brought things in perspective of my gosh. This is our last family photo with Mom kind of thing. So anyway why this is all so important to us is that

15:37 In 1963 that that weekend that before Thanksgiving mom took her life. She overdosed on sleeping pills and at the time Dad was at home. He was in a hospital in Chicago where in Peoria dad was in a hospital in Chicago recovering from a nervous breakdown, so he wasn't home. So it's just the six of us kids. So Mike was 13 x 12 gym 10-8 calling us 6 in KC for and at that time.

16:16 Mom because Dad was in the hospital. We had no income coming in. So Mom had to go to work and she was going to be a teacher. And so the only kid that wasn't in school yet was Casey so Aunt Katie knuckle John the people we visited took Casey until Dad could come home and thanks to get back to normal. And so Casey was living with Aunt Katie and Uncle John at the time. But what we was this this was the same weekend that Kennedy was assassinated. So has she died her death date is November 23rd. So when we woke up that day when we woke up that morning Jim got up first in the kitchen and found mom at the kitchen table slept over and

17:10 I don't know what he thought but he came into our bedroom calling a nice bedroom and woke us up. This essay. Come come. Look at Mom. See what you think. And so we go out there and

17:24 Oh, I remember seeing her legs under the table. And then the next thing I remember is just being huddled in a chair with Colleen in the living room and Jimmy ran next door to get the grease our neighbors. And then from then on it was just a big blur. I'm sure we were taken next door to the grease house and waited until they told us that her mom was gone then she was an only child.

17:52 So Grandpa Bob, this is a crayon cake cuz I thought Aunt Katie came down and got us, but she said no no, Grandpa Bob your Grandpa Bob came down and got you and took you back to South Bend that must have been the next day Sunday and then

18:11 At the funeral I was a decided because they wouldn't let Dad out of the hospital. He was still recovering from his nervous breakdown and I think that is a catch-all phrase back then for they didn't know what the heck was wrong with them. But anyway,

18:29 He was in the hospital for a good 2 months after that. So they so they had to decide what to do and it went over to Aunt Katie's house cuz she was the only one like I said.

18:44 Mom was an only child and she did commit suicide cuz she left a note and in that note. She did not want us to go to her mom. I think she understood her mom wouldn't be able to take tips. And so it Katie and Aunt Reedy and Uncle Jim all those aunts and uncles got together and they decided they would split us up until Dad could get his act together and come back and take care of us. And then I know that's kind of what Mom said. It's just I know you can do it bail and

19:24 I know you'll take good care of them. So aunt aunt Katie kept Casey. She already had she had five kids camp Casey that gave her six Aunt Rita and Uncle Clinton took calling and I thought they had four children that gave them six kids. And then Uncle Jim and Aunt Nancy had two boys and they took the three boys God bless him and that gave them five boys and they were you know, 13 12 10 and this little guy Kevin was

19:56 A two or three boys were the three older ones.

20:00 So they went to Indianapolis calling and I went to Silver Spring, Maryland and Casey went to State and South Bend. And so thank God for our aunts and uncles they really kept us going and throughout this ordeal and then Dad got out of the hospital sometime in.

20:21 I think January but I don't think they wanted to take us out of school. So we all stayed where we were until Colleen. I came back to landed in Indian clothes for Uncle Jim and Aunt Nancy were and Dad work with Uncle Jim selling water softener. So that's where we landed. So

20:45 Because losing your mom that I really don't really know that person. Yeah, that's that's a mom. That's not a human being, you know, you don't know them as a person, you know me as your mom so you don't know their sense of humor how they talk walk in all that don't have any of that kind of History to remember her by they let you know aunt and uncle's will tell you stories but they're not going to tell you I mean they're going to tell you a happy things nice things that kind of thing so finding these things at Grandpa's house things. We had never seen me for a letter. She had written to Grandpa Bob about her situation. This was early November about going to work and finding a babysitter and how we like the young the young women. We we tended to be more attached to them, which is funny cuz I don't remember a babysitter at all.

21:39 But anyway not in that letter you would never have guessed that she was so depressed or that she could even think about taking her own life. So that was interesting to me because that was early November and then boom you three weeks later. She was gone. So finding finding pictures of us like at that Thanksgiving after she died. I had never seen those pictures and I forgot forgotten them. Thank you notes that seems like all of us wrote no matter it was we were in Silver Springs Indianapolis IN all of us kids where we have writing. Thank you notes to Grandpa Bob who had sent us in from a tree. So it sent us, you know Christmas presents and looking at those letters and seen my handwriting's in Mike's handwriting, you know, the different kids. That's thank you for blah blah blah, you know, though the slippers and Crissy doll and

22:39 Whatever. It was just fun to see our own and it's kind of like going back in the past and it seemed a little glimpse of yourself and then see mom's frame of mind and pictures of mom that weren't suppose. You know, they were candid where she might be turning your head a certain way gives you a little inside and a little bit of her personality that just really didn't want to reveal to you. What it what impression did you get if your mom that you didn't have otherwise

23:13 I don't know. I guess I'm a real person and not just a picture, you know a little I did I don't have a like what kind of person she might have been but just a little bit of spark in a little bell a life is a picture is just so you know a snapshot of time but these little ahead turn that wasn't opposed turn yellow just gave you a little looking just a movement. You know that's different from just looking at you straight on so, what would I find China interesting though is had had we not stopped.

23:50 That year would have gone by and all that stuff all that history would have been just thrown away because nobody but us was it would have cared about that and I said, oh my gosh and the second time that we came and visited we are my brother-in-law was up in the attic and bring it down more pictures from the attic. Can I turn in I looked on the kitchen counter and there was my picture that I had always wanted my blow blue birds on a branch with these flowers are just sitting on the counter in a little plastic bag images. I saw that I would like to wish this is incredible here is my picture and so I snagged that baby up and

24:37 Took it home and cleaned it up. But I've left it in the same frame that I framed it in when I gave it to Grandpa and cleaned it up and glued it back together and hang it in our own house and it's like wow if I didn't find anything else. I'm so happy just to find that little picture that I'd always worried over and wanted pack and it's such a weird thing to think. I've been in that house before, you know what that earlier I didn't see that at all and then it's like boom there it was and we're also is funny is that when we first came back it was really the same weekend that mom died. It was that weekend before Thanksgiving as almost like we're being pulled to that house. You don't like Mom was steering us are go fine or grandpa or somebody. I just felt like we are being told to find it cuz

25:31 Yeah my phone off to Oblivion what would have because there would have been no reason before this August to have been back up there other than you know, well, even if we went up that we would even stop by grandpa's house and look at I mean I'd we've been up there many times and never drove by grandpa's house. So it's just a nod

25:52 And I kind of interesting to think of that situation in 1963 what happened to all your immediate siblings and where they are now.

26:03 Well, how many ways it turned out? Well, Mike Mike. The oldest is a professor in Psychology at University of Iowa. Tom became a lawyer he lives in Florida St. Pete & Jim's a airplane mechanic and works for he lives in Indianapolis in and he does experimental engines of any test them out. And then I am in Bloomington and I have a flag business and various other part time jobs in and then that Colleen is in optometrists technician and Casey works at a hospital in the service industry and Dad lost his heart Ten Years After mom died. He remarried Marilyn and she had been in them for 15 years.

27:03 I was 35 when they got married and wanted children so Dad and Marilyn had two boys Ryan and Danny and they did their doing great and fortunately for Dad he ended up with Alzheimer's at the age of 58. So early onset Alzheimer's for him. So this is how he worked hard all his life and raised his kids and then really didn't get to

27:31 Enjoy the fruits of his labor, but he is an amazing man to raise us by himself with the help of housekeepers it stay with us or like for women that are housekeepers throughout those years. You can imagine six kids not very last too long, but they're wonderful women that helped raised us as well. So that's it. I think as matter of fact one of those women was at our wedding will both Mary and idell were there.

28:06 So I think that's all I've got. She's got a man now, I just feel like I'm

28:17 A lucky person

28:20 Had a good childhood, even though it sounds tragic and it was very tragic. But you know growing up with Dad. It was an adventure for sure and my siblings you couldn't have asked for better siblings, and then I'd like to doubt that you and we have an amazing family. So

28:43 I am a happy girl. I picture your dad. I picture the store you always tell of

28:51 On 10th Street in Indianapolis being parked by I don't remember the name of have a beer at a graveyard of all places is like that guy. He's a Pleasant Run Golf Course.

29:15 He's a good guy and here. I don't know if you saw this picture, but this one this is the epitome of Dad. They sell cigar in his mouth and a beer in his hand. And it's also your your brother Danny that is for sure thing man for sure.

29:42 I think I'm dumb.

29:52 So it had a

29:54 It brought it all back out again.

30:02 The memories the passion that you had for your family started coming back out and you were steadfastness to go back to the house despite the fact that I'm at what what people may not realize is that this was a house for whom you would not want to enter under most circumstances. He it was in pretty bad shape when we were in there after a while when we were in there for a length of time. We had to go get Mass because we could feel the mold. This is horrible horrible horrible. So this drive that you have to reconnect with your family is really a strong one and

30:49 And a good one, that's what I felt more than anything, right?

30:56 It's a shared experience with the kids with a the six of us and

31:03 It's

31:08 I don't know that makes its closer but it's it's something we all shared there is a it happens. It happens to all of us, but you need these kinds of artifacts to remind you of what kind of experiences you had and I think a lot of these took you right back into the situations that you experience back when you were a kid.

31:33 All 6 and 1/8 of us

31:37 Love each other. I mean there's no you know, you hear so many siblings that they don't like this one or that one but that didn't happen in our family. It's we are a unit we really and you know what I'll say. I I think that was characterized asked when your father was going through Alzheimer's and tongue.

31:59 With a with a new wife and two young boys in the family and couldn't work any longer and many of the siblings. The older siblings were helping financially with the care of your dad and at the time somewhat contentiously mayor decided to divorce your father.

32:23 But not because he didn't she didn't love him. But because she could no longer afford the kind of care that he needed and that was a tough decision on a lot of your siblings and it could have been something that tore the family apart and what I remember most is that after some of the contentiousness was finished. Everybody just came back like I didn't happen. Well it was it was an amazing thing.

32:53 You say it was contentious cuz I don't call it being contentious other than he felt a little hurt by it. But but you could understand it at the same time. I mean, Maryland had a drink at 10 and at 8 or at 12 and a 10 year old. I mean I could I totally got it. Not that it didn't hurt it did but I got it. So no one was angry with Marilyn Me Maybe for any length of time. Anyway, I mean it just it was what it was. I mean dad had to be taken care of and she she had two young who is the to thank heavens. So that's

33:35 And she couldn't afford to do it with Dad completely agree, but it was an amazing thing the way your family handled that and yet and the way you act as a unit. I mean definitely understood where she was coming from. Hen, and she'd been a part of our lives for good 10 13 years and didn't want to lose another.

33:57 Family member who actually served as our grandparents stand in grandparents.

34:04 They're great. Grandparents Day.

34:07 Stayed with us when we stay with our kids when we went to the 25th wedding anniversary.

34:15 And and finish painting our house and coordinated our cabinets and took care of our kids is like come home. Woohoo. Woohoo! So not I'm very lucky to have Marilyn and Janice are

34:31 I don't know what you caused. Their parents are I don't know what you called has. Jan is married to Marilyn. So it's she's not he's not my stepdad my Stepmother's husband, but my kids grandparents. The only ones they really knew on my side.

34:52 So we're lucky to have that. The only other thing that I would mention is that this all started with Grandpa Bob's.

35:05 House and Grandpa Bob your Grandpa Bob had an amazing life.

35:17 I mean quickly he went through a. Of Prohibition in which he was a member of he worked somehow for

35:28 Who well, he didn't work for what Al Capone is that my mom's grandmother. She ran a speakeasy and there were on her side of the family running for Al Capone at Atwood liquor between Chicago and South Bend. All I remember is Bob mentioned protection was required for some. Of time. Somebody stayed with their family a kind of like a

36:10 I'm guessing a mob guy cuz he had a shoulder holster and and then he was there for a certain amount of time and then I guess whatever problem was was no longer a problem and he said that's the story but it makes for a good story. That's true. I don't know and then he went through World War II and went through the Battle of the Bulge was taken prisoner was marched into Germany.

36:37 Was worked on the railroads after they were bombed each night. Eventually got dysentery and was placed in a hospital right next to a big train station, which was bombed each night by the British which is why at the hell, they had put the The Prisoner Hospital right next to that with a big red cross hoping to avoid getting bombed in in any case he lost considerable weight was well under a hundred pounds when he was finally rescued by the allies and took him several months to recover.

37:15 And then came back and of course the rest of the story is

37:22 History

37:27 I've enjoyed it.

37:29 I love you. I love you, too.